Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Barbara Brodsky

  • Coyote Pup and Purposeful Purse Project

    Every child is an artist.
    The problem is
    how to remain an artist
    when you grow up.

    ~ Pablo Picasso

    Yesterday was very busy. I did the grocery shopping and had everything put away before John got up. I worked right up to the Sunday morning meditation at 11:00 and was back online at 1:30 for the last Remembering Wholeness until fall.

    Part of the busy was preparing the ingredients for stir fry. Note* It was delicious!

    I don’t just mean the finished product of the stir fry was delicious, although it was. I am saying the moments of my day were delicious. And like the pork and the veggies in the stir fry, delicious and tender.

    One friend was given this darshan – darshan is seeing a holy person or the image of a deity and being seen and given a blessing. Late last evening my friend asked if I had the otter transcript of the darshan he had been given. I had grabbed the otter notes just in case when Barbara Brodsky was having some challenge saving it, and I was so honored to transcribe it for my friend. I think you will agree that although my friend’s circumstance may be unique, the darshan is universal.

      I know that you are what in this world would be called very sick. Looking at the issues of what it is to live or to die.

      Right now, you are alive.

      There’s more life to come.

      But for everybody here in this world, eventually there will be a passing from this life.

      My Friend, you can live what remains of this life — whether it is weeks, months, years, or decades — you can live it more fully if you can relax and trust that when the end does come, it is soulful. You are held in love and the transition can be a very beautiful and smooth transition.

      Remembering there is nothing to fear about that, you can then bring the attention back to, “So, now, how can I live this life with as much joy and presence as I can, however much time that is.

      How can I live through this year of 2022, next year of 2023, with a full heart of love, not looking ahead with fear, knowing each day to be a natural transition to the next day and making the choice to invite the highest health possible for the physical body as this spiritual body moves through its process and opens more and more to the light.

      I know there is pain, and discomfort, and, of course, as I just said, fear. This is natural.

      Allow yourself to be where you are. If there’s discomfort, you can acknowledge that discomfort. You don’t have to be stoic and say, no, there’s no discomfort. There is. The physical body will have discomfort.

      And if there is fear, allow the experience of fear without getting caught in the story. You understand? I know you do understand what I am saying.

      In this way you can live each hour, each day, each year as fully and joyfully as possible and spread your energy here. Finish doing the high, loving work you came to do, where you have demonstrated the power of love for your wife, for your friends, for your sangha.

      You are a great inspiration to others.

      But you may become tired of doing that and say, “I’ve had enough of being an inspiration and I need to let it go.” That’s okay, too.

      Know how much you are loved, and that everyone in this circle (and many more) hold you in their hearts.

    Today at 3:00 I go back to my doctor. My blood pressure is still not where we would like it to be but I am more often allowing the experience of fear without getting caught in the story. It is my highest intention to live each hour, each, day, each year as fully and joyfully as possible.

    John is in a sciatica flare. It came on early last week while I was attending the intensive. He had to cancel the 24 hour “ambulatory” blood pressure study on Thursday because he was not able to be ambulatory. On Saturday I mowed our lawn. Possibly the first time I have mowed in close to 40 years. I had never used a self-propelled mower, and one hummingbird feeder was sacrificed in my learning curve.

    I was enjoying the last morsels of the stir fry when my phone rang. It was a woman I met on Friday at her rummage sale. I left my phone number, sharing that I have a friend who is making “Purposeful Purses.” She got the idea from another friend. Into these purses go bottled water, toiletries, a pair of socks, and a few non-perishable food items. These purses stay in her vehicle and are presented to a homeless person at a stop light or at the park or wherever she encounters them.The woman was calling to say 4 purses had not sold and she welcomed the opportunity to be part of this purposeful purse project. I thanked her and said I would finish my dinner and ride over and pick them up.


    It was such a gorgeous day, and I had been indoors online for about five hours, so on my way home I turned at the corner and gave myself the gift of a little longer ride. Just as I was coming up to the entry of our park, I saw a coyote pup in the field across the street! I pulled to the side of the road and stopped and we looked deeply at one another. He pulled away first but I continued to watch as he gingerly picked his way to the church parking lot and out of my view. This morning I looked up Coyote Symbolism & Meaning:

    Have you been under a lot of stress lately? The coyote symbolism might give you a boost to laugh at yourself or even play a trick on you.

    The general symbolic meaning is a jokester, playfulness, adaptability, seeing the truth behind it, a complex and cunning personality, wisdom, and cleverness.

    It often represents two sides of the same coin, being a troublesome creature, but a good fortune sign.

    The coyote will bring hidden emotions and thoughts to the surface, making you uncomfortable but healing you.

    The coyote animal totem is for those that want to forget about their worries and live in the present moment alongside the most important people in your life, your family.

    Children will suddenly approach you as they love your joyful nature and energy. Being so full of life, you will feel even more refreshed around them.

    Aaron’s Thought for Today reinforces the message:

      Gain and loss, pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, light and dark — these are seeming opposites, but nothing is truly an opposite but always part of everything else. What would joy be without sorrow? How would you recognize joy? How would you recognize the light if there were no sense of darkness? How would you know spaciousness if there were never contraction? But we must recognize the distinction between ultimate reality and those mundane objects that arise from conditions and pass away. Reflect on the beauty of light and love as ultimate realities, and how darkness and contraction arise out of conditions and pass away. ~ Aaron

    Over the weekend my nephew, David, enjoyed a visit with our daughter, Stacey, in Tennessee. Our great-grandson, Jackson, was visiting with Stacey (G-Ma) and David said Jackson was stuck on him like glue. I can understand that totally as David, having spent many years incarcerated, is now keenly aware of and thriving on the gift of his freedom.

    Bees dance amidst the flowers outside my window and I savor the pleasant, cool, low-humidity days because I know they are going to be replaced with heat and humidity before nightfall. That is the point, isn’t it….

  • Nothing to Attain

    We are so brief.
    A one-day dandelion.
    A seedpod skittering across the ice.
    We are a feather falling from the wing of a bird.
    I don’t know why it is given to us to be so mortal
    and to feel so much. It is a cruel trick, and glorious.

    ~ Louise Eldrich

    We looked at sacred darkness and emptiness a LOT over the five-day intensive that finished about dinner time yesterday. During those five-days humans were living this. Joan was with Bob at the hospital. Pneumonia. His dementia complicates things further. He would be going to a care facility rather than coming home. For how long? Virginia had Paul to ER. Bleeding. Awaiting emergency surgery for a massively enlarged prostate. Barbara Brodsky‘s carefully selected caregiver for her husband, Hal, had to call off when his young daughter tested positive for Covid. The second had to call off when his wife was hospitalized and he was in charge of their 18-month old. John is in a sciatica flare, and we have to cancel the 24-hour ambulatory blood pressure study he was scheduled to start this morning because he cannot ambulate right now.

    The opening line from Aaron this morning: “People seek safety, and they believe that safety is in stability and no change.”

    During this intensive we were encouraged to let ourselves go into the darkness and learn to be the light. Profound sadness washed over me as I had total cellular memory of surgery in 1992 to correct my having been born tongue-tied. A lingual frenectomy removes a band of tissue that connects the underside of the tongue with the bottom of the mouth. At birth, this is a relatively simple procedure. I was forty-two years old….

    I felt the depth of the trauma from the point of view of the tongue. It was traumatized by the surgery. Then it was lost. It was not able to get back to the familiar. It did not feel like it belonged and it did not know what to do. Thirty years later, I am noticing the stress in my jaw and the pull to the side of my neck, aware now that this has been a chronic situation.

    I cried, reporting all of this to my dharma family in Group 2. I heard the words and I recognized the correlation to the human incarnation. Even the simple shift from living in the fluid world of the womb to the instability of the room is traumatic. Sounds are startling, light is harsh, energies feel like an assault.

    Aaron quoted from Dante’s Inferno: In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself, in a dark wood, where the direct way was lost. It is a hard thing to speak of, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood was, so that thinking of it recreates the fear.

    Humans see and feel so much, often it appears too much to process, and, yes, it can feel like a cruel trick.

    One beloved introduced us to Jeff Foster’s “Guru of Darkness” on his Facebook post. Jeff’s writing was woven into our intensive with the skill of a world-class weaver.

    …we are not here to destroy, eradicate, fix, transcend, or even ‘heal’ our darkness — the grief, the terror, the anger, the shame, those deep feelings of guilt from childhood. For these are just places in ourselves that we haven’t been willing or able to illumine yet. They are not inherently evil, sinful or dangerous. (www.lifewithoutacentre.com)

    Another beloved suggested speaking to the contraction of the self where there is suffering, “I feel you. I love you. I care, and this is important.” I have begun speaking this to my tongue and jaw and neck. I can be patient since we have thirty years of my ignorance to soften the impact from.

    “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” ~ Edward Everett Hale, American Author

    “To see myself as on a journey through the universe is delusional. To come to know myself as the universe journeying is awakening.” ~ Falling into Grace by Adyashanti

    Letting my heart open to the pain and loss that had been pushed away or ignored or deflected led me right to the heart of SCS, which has not been active since 2012 following the surgery I had to remove the ovarian mass. The Osho Zen Tarot card (8 of Water Letting Go) so direct: A recognition that something is finished, something is completing, whatever it is — a job, a relationship, a home you have loved, anything that might have helped define who you are — it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on.

    SCS was all of that: a job, a relationship, a home I have loved (and the cats I have loved), and my identity.

    The Osho card continues, You are past the point of no return now, and gravity is doing its work. Go with it — it represents liberation.

    We were guided in the meditation by Aaron: “There is nothing you can hold onto forever except the essence of your being, and you do not hold onto that, you simply are that. This is your truth; this is what you are. I move ahead of my own free will, with the intention of releasing suffering in this universe, of helping beings wake up — including myself…. This is my intention to support release of suffering, an increase of happiness for all sentient beings.”

    OMG – All semester I have thought of Aaron’s teaching the SCS material Joel and Debra developed from Steven Karpman’s Drama Triangle. I write in my journal: It’s not Aaron teaching Debra’s material, Debra has been teaching the dharma as Aaron does!

    I look down at my Fitbit and it shows 9,999 steps. I don’t want to move but I have to move to reach my goal…. I dig out a CD and listen to Everlasting Peace, my own voice telling me “Circumstances have changed and it is time now to look to new directions to learn how to fly once more….”

    The last morning of the five-day intensive, Barbara shares that the mother of the caregiver who had been pulling the weight of the week as Barbara was teaching the intensive fell overnight and broke her hip….

    As Barbara says, “There is always going to be something. If it needs to slide away; let it slide away.” Barbara begins to share her process of coming back to the light right there in the darkness. Although deaf and off tune, we listen to her chant:

      Hari Om, Dear One,
      Sat Nam, holy name
      When I call on the Light in my Heart,
      I come home

    Mary Magdelene incorporates and notices Barbara’s voice is hoarse from so much teaching time this week. Mary takes a sip of water, then tells us there is never any hurry. She quotes a poem by Karen Weber: I am the place where god shines through, where god and I are one not two. Mary tells us that our beloved teacher, Aaron, was so helpful because he was not yet fully awake but he knew how to not get caught up in negativity. To see the negative story as it is, and to know that right there with fear there is love. Hari Om. When I call on the love in my heart, I come home. Mary tells us to just keep coming home. To remember why you have come. To hold the darkness as a sacred energy. There is nothing more powerful than love.

    My closing sharing was to see that what is in the way is the way. I mentioned Jana Stanfield’s song If I Were Brave and how we know we are all brave became we came! Someone quoted Nelson Mandela’s quoting Marianne Williamson:

      “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
      ― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

    I do a drawing from the question, “What is released as we fully manifest the true self?”


    I can’t find the beginning and wonder if that mean none exists.

    I write Mary’s last question to us: “At the end of attaining, what remains?”

    An answer comes, “The tapestry of attending to without giving it substance.”

    I title the drawing from the Heart Sutra: for there is nothing to attain.

  • It’s Not a Wall

    Yesterday morning I received a text message from Joel, simply, “Not well.”

    This was the first news from him since Thursday morning, May 19, when a staff member came in and swabbed his nose, testing him for Covid while we were on FaceTime. After that he did not answer text messages, or return calls. I heard nothing…. nothing at all…. nothing for t-e-n days.

    I assured him when he feels up to it, we can FaceTime, and I encouraged him to, “Just rest, as best as you can.”

    At 5:37 pm, he sent email: I need your help. I am on the floor in my bedroom and I can’t get up.

    At 6:03 pm, he sent the same message again.

    I had been watching text messages, in case he reached out for support. I did not check email as he had not sent email for over a month.

    At 6:39 pm I forwarded the message to his son and daughter-in-law.

    At 7:02 pm, when I called his cell phone he answered, briefly, before a female voice said he was being taken to the hospital to be checked out.

    This morning I could again feel the attachment to outcome; the familiar habit energy of wanting to fix; trying to control; desperate to care for my friend. A steady stream of largely unskillful conversations (called ruminations) with his son and daughter-in-law were flowing inside my head. I knew I needed to draw and write again.

    I draw a wall or fence that divides the page. On the right side is a broken heart and a face with tears. A hand holds a flower. No one or nothing is on the other side.

    Here is the writing:

      Dear Debra,

      Can you see on the drawing that you are the only one in the picture? What are the thoughts, feelings, impulses that produce the broken heart? You don’t have to list them, just be aware.

      Nothing is other than it is.

      Somewhere at your center is the deeper wisdom of the universe. Perhaps “the one who knows” is just on the other side of that wall. Perhaps the way over the wall is through “don’t know mind.”

      What will allow you to realize you do not know what gifts Joel is offering to his son and family?

      What might be the kindness and compassion “energy” you truly wish to bring?

      I can see that at some level I have the perception it would be easier if I had access to information.

      “Is that so?”

      Remember the four pillars of freedom:

      1. I could be happy if I had access to information
      2. I could be miserable if I had access to information
      3. I could be happy if I had no access to information
      4. I could be miserable if I had no access to information

      Truly, having access or not is out of my control.

      What image comforts me?

      The memory of Joel with his cats and his nature (the beggar squirrel — the opossum — the fawn) at his home.

      Barbara Brodsky’s asking me, “Debra, does the tree still live in your heart?” when I was so upset at the beautiful old (only) tree in our yard being cut down.

      You are remembering how comforted John was to imagine that his brother’s consciousness might not be in his body suffering after he had the abdominal aortic aneurysm; perhaps Jerry was actually hanging out with Brother Jim and (son) Scotty.

      I am drawn back to Iyanla Vanzant’s tapping prayer on TRUST. Jessica Ortner was told by Louise Hay to trust life. Iyanla says trust is:
      T-trust
      R-respect
      U-understanding
      S-surrender
      T-timing

      I listen to Karen Drucker singing “The Healing Song” and I add a stanza with TRUST.

      Trust fills every cell in my body,
      every cell is alive with trust.
      I relax into the healing process,
      I allow spirit to do what it does.

    I sing for a while and then I title the drawing: It’s Not a Wall…. It’s Only a Mirror.

    We had a Flicker visit our yard this morning. We often have Red-bellied or Downy woodpeckers, but not a Flicker. I look up the totem meaning of Flicker.

    Flicker enters your life is when you are out of balance. You might feel you’re in a whirlwind and about to lose all sense of sanity. Flicker Spirit Animal teaches you how to use your “feet,” stand your ground, and weather the storm.

    Flicker, as a Spirit Animal, encourages you to be more flexible. The Bird’s message suggests you go with the flow present in your life, and not to let your ego impede what could be something amazing. Humility goes a long way. Being modest doesn’t mean losing yourself to another person’s vision, but being willing to compromise to gain the rewards of cooperative effort.

    If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. ~ Wayne Dyer

    Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

    This afternoon I gave my faded red bicycle wind feature a much needed facelift.

    P.S. Sharing this response that came from Barbara Brodsky:

    Thank you for today’s post, Debra. Joel is in my prayers.

    On Thursday I found myself with some sadness, thinking about so many wonderful Memorial Day weekends at the lake, Thursday evening packing up to go as soon as Hal was home from work, first long weekend of the summer, so welcomed. I went out to the deck asking myself, what is there to cherish here, right now. Enough health to stroll (with walker) around my pretty yard, stopping to sit where something lovely caught my eye. The tall spruces, flowers, many birds, green meadow, deer in the orchard…Then some gardening, sitting on the deck with Hal, reading, playing a game… So clear I cannot enjoy the gifts of today if I’m caught up craving the gifts of yesterday. So it’s been a peaceful weekend. Mind does go to craving the lake, a swim, kayaking at dawn, meditating in the forest on my screened deck. I’m giving thanks for those gifts. And yes, I do miss them. But I have so many gifts right here if I will pay attention. So it has been a bittersweet weekend, but mostly sweet.

    Love. Barbara

  • Already a Butterfly

    In The Wisdom of No Escape: And the Path of Loving-kindness, Pema Chödrön qutoes Joseph Campbell, writing, “It has been said, quite accurately that the psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” One might wonder what it is that the mystic sees/hears/knows/experiences which leads to the more pleasant conclusion.

    Last evening I was Zoom host for The Eden Project when Barbara Brodsky logged on saying Aaron was requesting the use of breakout rooms. I have hosted a lot of Zoom classes for/with Barbara and Aaron, but I have no experience setting up the breakout rooms. I reached out via text to my virtual buddy and I asked out loud of another friend whom Barbara said has a lot of experience with Zoom — neither of them had any experience with the breakout rooms.

    The intention to use the breakout rooms remained steady in our hearts and minds. I selected the “allow participants to choose” option. Not successful yet. One of the participants sent a link to a tutorial video, but knew I could not switch to that easily enough to learn while hosting the group. Another participant with some experience was willing to help, so I quickly made him co-host and together (with lots and lots of cooperation and co-creation) the breakout rooms were enjoyed!

    I was unable to join the small group because I was the Zoom host. I did not want to leave Barbara without support.  Awareness came instantly that spirit had given me the experience prior to the group meeting when I accidentally dropped my Osho Zen Tarot deck, and three cards spilled out.

    The first card is 20 Beyond Illusion:
    don’t look outside for what’s inside

    The second card is 5 of Clouds Comparison:
    all is needed and everything fits together

    The third card is Ace of Water Going with the Flow:
    everything is happening exactly as it should

    Just as the spilled card spread began with the butterfly, so did Aaron’s talk!

    When you are a caterpillar, you are already a butterfly and yet it has not manifested….

    You live in a world in which you have the power to change things!

    Where would you like to be in your awareness one month from now?

    How do we awaken the imaginal cells and begin to imagine a world/family/individual in which there is peace? What does it look like, feel like, taste like, smell like?

    You cannot think your way in, but you can sing your way, dance your way, or draw your way in.

    Begin with asking: “What conditions are necessary for a world of peace — a world without hatred?”

    I received a text message:

    M: Good afternoon, Miss Debra. If you are not too busy, could you pendle some thing for me? My question is ready.

    D: No….There is a bit of a jokester energy present. Does that make sense?

    M: A medication was prescribed for one of our guys. It’s pretty heavy duty. I am so not sure whether to start the script.

    D: Do you have it with you?

    M: I actually haven’t picked it up yet. Probably I’ll go in a little while. Muscle test?

    D: Yes! Muscle test. Do you have the script or can you imagine holding it up to your heart?

    M: Nothing tangible.

    D: Let’s do it with intention.

    M: When you asked me if I could imagine holding it up to my heart, I heard that it’s not for me. LOL.

    D: Direct your intention. And thank them for clarifying for us. LOL.

    M: Yes. LOL. I got “maybe.”

    D: Similar here. I actually asked if it would be beneficial, and I heard “maybe.” I asked if it could be harmful, and I heard “maybe.”

    M: Yes, that’s how it comes to me.

    D: What I am immediately aware of is that we are so oriented to the “right or wrong” instead of realizing that Spirit can work with anything and everything.

    M: Ahhhhh….

    D: You could not take it out of fear and you are adding fear to your little guy. You could take it out of fear and you are adding fear to your little guy. You could take it out of love and be adding love. You could not take it out of love and be adding love. Make sense?

    M: Yes, and then what is my next best step. Maybe sit with it some more.

    D: When you find your center of peace, you will act from that. Make that your best step. I am certainly navigating this as well — with all of the medication John is on.

    M: Yes, I can feel that. I certainly appreciate your sharing your journey.

    Opening the Daily Word this morning, essentially the same message comes through in Colossians 3:14: Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

    This is called equanimity in Buddhism: Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. As in,”She accepted both the pleasant and the unpleasant with equanimity.”

    Perhaps our true mystic nature is awakening from it’s caterpillar stage. After all, you are already a butterfly….
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    P.S. Permission to share this from one of the Zoom attendees:

    I had an extraordinary experience in our little group. I turned three times and this painting just unfolded in 15 minutes!

    Thought of your writings today. Once I’d finished the painting, I looked outside and the trees and the leaves everywhere looked even more vibrant. Wow! It felt like, as we as humans become more awake, all of the flora, fauna, trees etc will flourish!!!

  • The Practice of Life

    Last evening’s Group 2 was only five of us out of thirteen. I am not sure what qualifies as a quorum, but I am sure all thirteen of us were actively involved in the practice of LIFE.

    Our meeting times were set at the first of the year but the evening before our meeting we received an announcement from our spiritual teacher/s: Aaron and Friends invite you to join an evening of conversation and meditation in support of Ukraine and our beloved Earth.

    A few of the 13 were called to attend that gathering. I understood that completely. A couple expressed inability to attend either. I understood that as well. One person expressed a strong desire to meet as our small group AND to dedicate some of our time in support. I opened the Zoom room.

    Our time together is so significant. This small band of merry (and sometimes not so merry) men and women share a commitment to awakening as we share love and compassion and encouragement.

    Some conversation addressed the angst that our Tuesday territory has been affected by a change in the Deep Spring Center for Meditation teacher’s schedule, and especially that our group has had several times when a larger group event was scheduled in conflict. But where is the conflict? Is the conflict on the calendar or in our minds? Every moment of every day we have choice. We choose what lane to drive in, what to have for lunch, and what to feel and think about what we are experiencing.

    As the four representatives expressed our individual perspectives on the schedule challenges and on the sense of loss of time to be together, and the missing of several members who have not made a group for quite a while, I watched my reactions. I saw compassion rise. I also saw sadness. I am certainly navigating loss. And I am not the only one. In fact, I am not even one me. I anything other than?

    Is Ukraine other than me?

    Is our beloved earth other than me?

    Adyahanti speaks about the trained and learned way of experiencing life. The talk I listened to today is titled “The Prism of Me.”

    “Egoing” is a kind of skill that we learned well, unfortunately….”

    “We are brought into the erroneous conclusion that ideas of ourselves are ourselves….”

    Awareness and an open heart sees the one human experience as each point of view expressed.

    Today, and every day,conditions give rise to thoughts and emotions. Thoughts and emotions can become distorted into an identity. Once an identity has been formed, fear takes over and drives our thoughts and emotions.

    “Even a very well-adapted me is at some level being driven by fear….”

    The people of Ukraine, this beloved earth, everyone in Group 2, and every being is a reflection of LIFE/GOD/LOVE.

    This morning I saw a snake as I was on my bike ride. I stopped and took some photos. I did not want to frighten the snake, but I wanted it to move so the video would show it was alive. I spoke aloud, “Don’t be scared. You are OK.” I told John I was not sure if I was talking to the snake or to myself.

    Is the snake other than me?

    It has been a gradual thing, taking my practice off the mat and into the moments of my life. I could watch how much we wanted things to be other than how they were. What a loss to miss loving life as it is. Sometimes pleasant, sometimes painful, sometimes not much of either.

    We learned that the owner of our winter home lost his father in January. All these weeks he has been checking in with me asking how John is doing. I am feeling sad for his loss.

    Is he other than me?

    Whether awake or asleep,
    we are in constant communication
    with someone not of this world.
    ~ Pam and Alan Johnson

  • Turn Down That Alarm

    I was tagged in a Facebook post. Words I had shared had been carried around and then laminated, and framed.


    The words were:
    KNOW WHAT YOU FEAR.
    AND WHAT YOU DESIRE.
    SURRENDER THAT TO THE HIGHEST GOOD.
    LET GO OF OUTCOME.

    I soooooo needed to hear those words myself right now.

    Amanda Gorman, a 22-year-old poet, read an original work “The Hill We Climb” at President Joe Biden’s inauguration on Jan. 20, 2021.

    From her reflection about how she almost declined to be the inaugural poet:

      But though our fears may be the same, we are not. If nothing else, this must be known: Even as we’ve grieved, we’ve grown; even fatigued we’ve found that this hill we climb is one we must mount together. We are battered, but bolder; worn, but wiser. I’m not telling you to not be tired or afraid. If anything, the very fact that we’re weary means we are, by definition, changed; we are brave enough to listen to, and learn from, our fear. This time will be different because this time we’ll be different. We already are.

      And yes, I still am terrified every day. Yet fear can be love trying its best in the dark. So do not fear your fear. Own it. Free it.

    The following exchange took place between Barbara Brodsky and myself, in the chain of email messages about Amanda Gorman’s comments about fear.

    Barbara wrote about her own process of caring for her husband the past 4 years following his stroke. “The almost daily crisis of one sort or another…. higher BP, tension held long-term in my body…. the side effects of that tension (mind less clear, less able to sleep, living always on crisis mode, almost like PTSD….”

    I wrote to Barbara:

      Oh, Barbara, your words express my experience! And this is with things going well! Each moment (for both John and me) is PRODUCING compassion. I have greater compassion for your process with Hal through this.

      I had awareness yesterday doing yoga of how much I had not given credit to my yoga instructor. Her husband passed just before Covid and she was in lockdown during the throes of her grief. She had cared for him for 13 years….

      I am not alone in this…. I think of Ellen Hummel navigating all she is.

      I have too much awareness to feel sorry for myself or take this personally, but it is HARD.

      I feel the tears coming now. Just saying that is kindness.

      Nothing operates in a vacuum. “This” stress is not isolated from the tension of navigating political differences over the past 15 years.

      It is not isolated from the stress of having Covid when John’s brother suffered the abdominal aortic aneurysm, and passed. Not isolated from packing my family home at age 10.

      But — and this is a huge BUT, I see gifts in all of it.

    Someone said we can act ourselves into right thinking easier than we can think ourselves into right acting.

    Barely an hour goes by that something has not triggered that high alarm. I am getting ready right now to go get my Covid booster. John and I were scheduled to get them the day he ended up in the hospital.

    KNOW WHAT YOU FEAR.

    I know what I fear. I fear having a reaction because I had Delta Variant. I fear getting sick and not being able to take care of John.

    AND WHAT YOU DESIRE.

    I know what I desire. I desire having the best chance to not get seriously ill from Covid. I desire feeling well enough to be a helpmate for John. I desire feeling safe in my body.

    Nothing operates in isolation from everything.

    SURRENDER THAT TO THE HIGHEST GOOD.

    Feeling safe in my body now releases all the times in the past when I did not and teaches others to do the same.

    LET GO OF OUTCOME.

    If you are interested in the “FEEL SAFE IN YOUR BODY” tapping wisdom with Nick Ortner, let me know.

    As that alarm is turned down, it is replaced with love and with peace. Notice how that expands.

    I’ve learned so much from all of this….

    As hope expands, as love expands, as gratitude expands, notice how it turns down that alarm.

    Peace is only a word until it lives in your body.

    Turn down that alarm….

  • Channeling the Miraculous

    The wisdom of all ages and cultures emphasizes
    the tremendous power our thoughts have
    over our character and circumstances.
    ~Liane Cordes

    On Christmas Eve I joined a Zoom Interfaith gathering. Jeshua’s message,”You Are the Light That Comes to Transform the Earth,” channeled by Barbara Brodsky, was powerful. Here are a few excerpts:

    People have sometimes misunderstood my work, said that I came to save the world from sin, with confusion about that word. I take the letters S-I-N to mean sinking into negativity. Through so many lifetimes many beings have been sinking into negativity. And what will save us from that? It is not me that will save us; it is all of us together holding the potential of Love on an Earth that is awakened, the Eden we have been promised. You are important—vital, really—to recreate that brilliance, that love….

    You know those lines about the darkest time of the night before dawn. Dawn is coming. You each carry that dawn in your own hearts, especially when you compassionately observe the ways that you do sink into negativity. The watcher is not caught in that negativity. Of course, you fall into negativity at times; you are human. Every human does this at times….

    In the darkest hours, look around and say, “Yeshua, where are you?” And I am here, I promise. I will never break that promise or your trust because you are my beloved sisters and brothers. Together we undertook this work. And yes, we are doing it. Despite how the darkness seems to envelop us, we are bringing light, and that is all that’s needed.

    This morning I was writing in my journal about writing prompts when a prompt popped into my mind: What if we could….

      What if we could use all of the power of the universe for the good of all? Might humans cease fighting as though there was not enough for all? Would men and women cease blaming one another and love and revere our differences instead? What might occur if we can recognize fear and negativity when it shoves us off the path of awakening and we can lay a finger across our lips and whisper, “Shhhhh…..”

      What if we do away with ‘what if’ and simply focus on the truth of WE COULD.

      We could remember who we really are. We could rise above grasping and clinging and aversion. We could feel the wind and know our body is breathing. We could watch the sun rise and set as sacred witness to the ever-present ever-changing nature of All That Is. We could soften around our experiences and let the space of possibility weave laughter and hope and trust back into our days and our nights.

      We could….

    A bit later, I listened to an interview with Leesa Anderson: Channeling the Miraculous. She and her family witnessed a motorcycle accident. A deer stepped right into the path of a man at cruising speed. The man went end-over-end and landed in a heap, with his head and arms underneath his chest. You really do deserve to hear Leesa tell in her own words how she heard a message from God; a message given to her to whisper into his ear. And then, to be lost and stop for directions only to connect with the motorcyclist’s wife. Please listen….

    Leesa’s spiritually transformative experiences have often happened when she was on the highway. I hope you will take time to listen to the entire interview and to check out IANDS.

    NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) has a nifty process of setting up a chain of anchors, moving an individual’s mind states along the path from “I can’t” to “I might” to “I could” to “I can” to “I will.”

    Join me in moving our own mind states from “I can’t” to “I will” say yes and join Leesa in Channeling the Miraculous!

  • The Only True Hope

    When my eyes fill with wonder
    and my heart with love or joy,
    I do not betray my concerns for the world —
    I nourish my capacity to attend to them.

    ~ Kristi Nelson, 12-22-2021 Gratefulness.org

    I confess to recently having looked into the mirror and noticing a drooping of my jowls, deep crevasses of a frown on both sides of my mouth. More accurately, not frowning, just the absence of laughter and smiles.

    This past Sunday, I was Zoom host for Remembering Wholeness, a once-a-month event with Barbara Brodsky channeling darshan with “The Mother.”

    Darshan is a reciprocal experience of meeting with a holy or revered person or diety which results in the human viewer’s receiving a blessing. The person just before me to receive darshan had been told, “To be is your gift of the world. There is nothing at all selfish about just being for some period of time and letting yourself feel energetically restored. If you have a beautiful fountain, water must come into the basin or the fountain cannot continue to send out its beautiful movement. Fill the basin — with pure, radiant water.”

    In much of the world, this is the season for giving gifts. But to be able to give a gift, there must also be those to receive. Most of us are familiar with the lyrics of the song about the little drummer boy.

    I played my best for him
    Pa rum pum pum pum,
    Rum pum pum pum,
    Rum pum pum pum

    Then he smiled at me
    Pa rum pum pum pum
    Me and my drum

    I was the last to receive a blessing from The Mother.

    To Debra:

      And this last topic is a little less precise for you. You do take time to restore, but I think after you’ve taken some and you think, “I’ve already had my restoration and its time for me to flow out again.”

      Please stop thinking about in and out. The water comes into the basin of the fountain so it can go out. When it goes out it lands in the perimeter of the basin, flows into the center, then out. And it just keeps recirculating.

      Sometimes you’re more in one phase, sometimes more in the other. For you it would be good to try to find where the balance is. And remember that the basin is never empty, because it is not only you that fills it, but everything around you fills it.

      The gifts that you give to the world… I’ve enjoyed through Barbara reading your blog. It’s very beautiful. This is a gift to everyone. You’re hosting an event like this. This is a gift to everyone.

      Now to whatever degree it’s useful, focus on, “What do you need in order to be more fully nourished? And how can you invite that into yourself, knowing that it will recycle back out? … but in this moment, what will suit me in order for the fountain to be full and ready to pour out again of light?”

    This flowing of water into the basin so it is ready to pour out again brings to mind the ebb and flow of light on our planet.

    It has been a challenging autumn. August 30 we tested positive for Covid. September 24 John’s brother, Jerry, passed. The week of Thanksgiving, our 55-year old niece had a brain bleed. Since the first of November John has had an extremely painful sciatica flare. But the December full moon has come and gone. Known as the “cold moon” by the Mohawk people, this full moon occurs just a few days shy of December 21, the winter solstice.

    Humans have honored the significance of the winter solstice for a very, very long time. The ancient Monument of Newgrange is a 5200 year old megalithic structure built in precise alignment with the rising sun over the solstice each winter. Built around 3200 BC, that means it is 600 years older than the Pyramids at Giza, and 1,000 years older than Stonehenge.

    “What do you need in order to be more fully nourished? And how can you invite that into yourself, knowing that it will recycle back out?”

    I need to remember that spring always follows winter.

    I need to remember that water comes into the basin of the fountain so it can go out.

    I need to remember that, as Stephen Spender so beautifully expressed, “The only true hope for civilization — the conviction of the individual that his inner life can affect outward events.”

    I need to remember the face of our great-grandson, Jackson, when his G-ma took him to visit Santa.

    I need to remember that when my eyes fill with wonder and my heart with love or joy, I do not betray my concerns for the world — I nourish my capacity to attend to them.

    From my keyboard to yours, Merry Christmas everyone….

  • Essence

    We are enjoying wonderful weather here on Pine Island. Whether the weather is pleasant or unpleasant, John and I continue to navigate some challenging physical stuff.

    John started with planting a mum early November in Michigan’s hard autumn ground. Stepping on the shovel with his right leg, he felt a pop in his low back. Three chiropractic sessions, a TENS unit, and exercises could not prevent our long drive times from Michigan to Tennessee and from Tennessee to Florida from pushing him over the edge. Fast forward to this week:


    I am having some sort of chronic sinus stuff. Interestingly, my friend (who did not know about this) sent an article titled “Marvels of Mucus and Phlegm.”

    It is challenging to not feel discouraged.

    A couple of days ago problems with some Amazon Web Services cloud servers were causing slow loading or failures for significant chunks of the internet. Our Alexa device stopped working. Everything looked right at the configuration level, but nothing I did brought her back online. Later, when Alexa came back online, we could still not access Amazon Music Unlimited.

    Add to this a new app for TV here in Florida. Hmmmm, you know about teaching old dogs new tricks, right? We are struggling big time with that.

    I said to John, “This house is too quiet!!!”

    True confession. Those words have never come out of my mouth before.

    I miss his music.

    I miss putting together thousands of puzzle pieces as he is playing his guitar and I am (badly) singing along with him.

    I miss him being out-and-about gabbing.

    I miss the way we have historically lived life here.

    We have both realized the profound fact that a lot has changed.

    John’s brother, Jerry, passed in September. John will not be hanging out with Jerry for his normal two-days-per-week-off-island this January, February, and March. Also, John’s long-time musician friend, Walt, sold his place here on Pie Island after Walt’s wife passed in September.

    Big changes.

    I am currently the one to go to the store, the pharmacy, the store, the pharmacy; the pharmacy, the store, the pharmacy. The other day, the pharmacy tech at CVS was having a really bad day. She used the “F” word, and she cried.

    We are not alone living through these stressful times.

    Yesterday I had the privilege of transcribing my (marvels of mucus) friend’s private session with Barbara Brodsky. Here is a brief excerpt:

    You said you’ve been – I don’t remember who – you said you’ve been listening to some of these teachers. I am looking at the questions.

    Adyashanti – alright, he is very rooted in the true self, and I don’t know the 30 specific pointers and “practices” but I would imagine they must be pointers toward remembering and resting in the true self.

    I am glad you are doing that. That’s perfect.

    My true self is way beyond the mucus. John’s true self is much more than sciatica pain.

    For sure, everything is a reminder of how we are giving meaning to our experiences. I drew an Osho card this morning. 7 of Water. Projections. The last lines: And there are as many worlds as there are minds, because every mind lives in its own world.

    Grandson Brad checked in with us last evening. He suggested John tally his highest level of well-being each day. Rather than using a pain scale to see his lows, what was he able to do/enjoy/achieve today?

    A couple of evenings ago, after some lateral leg pulls and a few minutes on the makeshift inversion table John was able to walk upright. He looked like someone with a book on their head, as proud as punch!

    A suggestion from my friend’s reading: I want you to find that infinite source of love, that essence of love which you are…

    And from Adyashanti: Essence isn’t a small thing, essence is an immense thing. The essence of you is everything you ever see, taste, touch, and experience. Everywhere you go, every step you take, every breath you take is actually happening by the essence, of the essence, in the essence, and to the essence.

    The marvel of mucus and the severity of sciatica are both happening in the essence….

  • Being of Genuine Service

    Tuesday evening while still in the post-overnight-drive malaise, I tried to log on as Zoom host for our Dharma Path class. It said “username / password incorrect” so I tried again. Same thing. Then the foggy thinking took over and I questioned if the link was set up on one of the other accounts. I tried both, but neither of those worked either, so I tried the main account once more.

    Up popped, “YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN LOCKED FOR 30 MINUTES DUE TO FIVE INCORRECT LOGIN ATTEMPTS.”

    About 15 minutes late opening the room, and about 15 minutes before the class is to begin, I used the student link to log in as a participant. That worked, but I was unable to support the class as host by making the teacher/s co-hosts, muting, spotlighting the teacher, recording the class, etc.

    I asked one of the other students who is also a volunteer host to give it a try. He got the same message. I sent a text message to the Zoom team leader who was not attending the class. Perhaps she could help.

    Barbara said we would begin and we would just rely upon audio recording with her iPad.

    About 15-20 minutes later, the Zoom team leader was successful logging in as host! She was able to make me host, and I was able to perform my hosting duties.

    You so want to be of genuine service….

    I was very aware of the significance of Aaron’s opening illustration about a young child’s coming to dinner and lamenting, “I don’t want that black stuff on my potatoes.”

    Note* I am allergic to black pepper. It gives me a sour stomach and “juicy” burps.

    Aaron had Barbara share her experience at age 17 of being on a freedom ride with a group of students from the north who went into the deep south working toward the end of segregation. When Barbara voiced her fear in anticipation of the following day’s event, an elder church member said to her, “WE would not want you to do this if you were not afraid — you need to recognize the harm that could be done so you can already forgive them for any possible harm.”

    It is like Jesus saying, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

    The following day their bus was run off the road. It was tipped on its side. The angry mob was breaking the windows. Glass and rocks were raining down on them. Amidst this shock and risk a single voice began to sing, “We shall overcome…” before they all joined in.

    Barbara remembers that as a pivotal moment.

    Great harm or even death may have come to them if not for the arrival of the National Guard.

    Many of us are old enough to remember segregated movie theaters, drinking fountains, schools. Forward movement is not always a straight line.

    A substantial theme of the class was this path of genuine service while navigating an ongoing pandemic and divisiveness. We were asked how we would (or could) respond if a neighbor’s child fell on the sidewalk and was obviously seriously injured. The parents of this child had been very hostile toward social distancing, wearing a mask, or getting a vaccine. Perhaps one of the parents currently had Covid. Several student were able to describe ways to tend to the needs of the child while still protecting themselves from potential exposure to the virus.

    During the Q&A, sincere anger and frustration was expressed about a grown son who refused to get a Covid test for his mother to be comfortable coming to and assist the family with a toddler and an expectant mom. Aaron used the example of saying a firm “no” from a place of compassion as one would do if a teenage son had been drinking and wanted to drive the car.

    Aaron responded to the anger and frustration with such wisdom and loving kindness.

    “Compassion does not make you weak.”

    Another person expressed fear around the deepening of positions of humans around alternate views.

    “They are not here as destroyers of each other, they are teachers for one another.”

    As this last month of 2021 unfolds, my sister (Janis) and I continue to use the 2020 Magic Eye calendar as a spiritual template for the upcoming month.

    December’s is a lovely holiday scene.


    As you let your focus relax, three deer appear in the foreground. The one on the left is looking toward the right. The one on the right is looking toward the left. The one in the middle is looking forward.

    Varying slightly from culture to culture, symbolism of deer is gentleness, awareness of surroundings, unconditional love, and mindfulness. A deer represents innocence, kindness, grace, and good luck.

    May all beings act from these qualities that are within each of us.

    That is being of genuine service….