Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Barbara Brodsky

  • Does the tree still live in your heart?

    An alternate title for this post could be: Fleas Have Not Yet Flown.

    Checking in with our small group on the Dharma Path (a two-year course with Barbara Brodsky, Aaron, and John Orr) on Tuesday evening, I shared feeling very sad about the removal of a beautiful, big, old (about 60 years), tree that was cut down that day. It might have been easier if the tree had been obviously weak. It might have been easier if I had made the decision instead of having it be made by the owner/manager of the property where we live in our tiny house now. And it might have been easier if it had not been our ONLY tree in our yard, leaving us at the mercy of the blazing summer sun.

    I told Barbara how unskillful I felt, not being able to feel the everlasting peace as well as the sadness. She said kindly, “Who dies? What dies? Does the tree still live in your heart?”

    I choked back tears, no longer just for the beautiful old tree, but now for the human who was having difficulty keeping my heart open.

    Yesterday morning when I arrived at Joel’s, it was obvious the fleas had not yet flown. (See Fleas!)

    When I pulled the chair out to have lunch, I saw a live flea on it, and twice during lunch a flea crawled on to my ankle and bit me as I ate my salad. Instead of my normal nap on the massage table, I placed a light-colored bed sheet on my lap, sat on the futon downstairs, and inspected McGee. She is the one with very light-colored fur, so easiest to see fleas. She innocently welcomed my search, experiencing it simply as loving attention. I found several live fleas still on her sweet body, and lots of dried blood and flea-body parts. When I went downstairs for bed, McGee came to bed with me (her usual delight at having an overnight companion on the lower level). While reading, I chased down one live flea on her forehead. She obviously was not loving me any less because of the fleas. I was doing my best to stay open to her precious presence.

    This morning as I entered the kitchen, I saw two fleas jumping on the tile floor. I found half dozen or so on the slippers I was wearing. Joel sprayed the herbal product he has been using on the kitchen floor, and I stood at the counter to eat my fruit bowl.

    Let me be perfectly clear—this is not about fleas. This is about my heart. More importantly, it is about the truth that as the day progressed, it became more and more difficult for me to keep my heart open.

    I can see clearly how the difficulties with the fleas is helping me see, accept, and love my human self.

    Barbara continued, “On the mundane level (relative reality), the open heart is where we remember that on the supramundane level (ultimate reality), there has never been anything to heal. Able to just say, ‘Fleas, fear, sadness…. ahhhhh…. I no longer have need to manifest this. I do not choose to embrace this as a reality.’”

    It might have been helpful to have read today’s Daily Word early this morning rather than when I got home.

    The key word is “Centered.” I am being pulled off-center by my belief Joel should be doing something else (taking the cats out of the house and having the house treated), and by my aversion to the flea experience. Fear of bringing fleas home to my house enters in also. Feeling hopeless, helpless (it is hard enough to get myself to do what I want, much less Joel), and totally not centered.

    I do prefer feeling centered, and in those times when it is difficult to do so, I can choose to remember my highest purpose is to love.

    Debra, in Egyptian, means she who brings the sublime light of the creator.

    And when the light is bright, you can see the fleas!

  • Commitment to Joy in Trying Times

    Tell me, what is it you plan to do
    with your one wild and precious life?

    “The Summer Day” by Mary Oliver
    from New and Selected Poems, 1992
    Beacon Press, Boston, MA
    Copyright 1992

    It has been quite some time since I made a two-year commitment to a formal program of study. Deep Spring Meditation Center is offering the course and there are a lot of facets of the commitment: daily meditation practice, daily journal entries, alternating weekly Dharma talks and small group meetings with Barbara Brodsky, Aaron, and John Orr. I went reluctantly to this commitment. My conscious mind struggled with the group meetings happening on Tuesday evenings, the night our Sangha meets here in Saint Joseph Sangha. Because Sangha meets the first and third Tuesday evening, at times the meetings will directly conflict. Sangha is important to me. I am already absent part of the year.

    Another aspect of the hesitation is you know something like this is going to change you.

    The focus of the Dharma Path program, from Aaron:

    If you wished to improve your health, you might start to eat more wisely, to exercise, to meditate, and to bring joy to your life. After some time with such intentions, you would probably start to ask, “What is healthy eating? What exercises shall I do? What forms of meditation are there, and what practice would be most suitable? How do I invite joy?”

    You might then study nutrition, plant a garden and learn to talk with your vegetables; practice yoga, weight lifting, running or swimming and finally begin to look deeper at the body and what best supports wholesome interactivity of the body parts. You might regard your spirit body as an integral part of the whole of body, mind and spirit, and investigate what spiritual practices most help bring ease and support the physical, emotional and mental bodies.

    Finally, you might begin an in-depth investigation of joy and find the ways that living with mindfulness, with gratitude, with generosity, all support joy. And this is just the start.

    I am sharing with all who follow the Yellow Brick Road so you can make the choice to “go for the ride.” This phrase is common in our SCS/NLP trainings—you can set your intention to receive the benefits of this transformational change work. Mahatma Gandhi said it like this, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Consider this your invitation….

    A friend who has recently moved from St. Joseph to Holland is currently reading Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness, by Loch Kelly. This friend attended Sangha in St. Joseph, and also on Pine Island, when in Florida. Shift into Freedom ties in perfectly with the Dharma Path. While you won’t be meeting all of the requirements of my two-year study, we can all get a jump start. Check out a free preview of Kelly’s book, including some amazing exercises available also on Youtube, like “What is here now when there is no problem to solve?”

    I love Mary Oliver’s poetry, and the words of the opening quote from “The Summer Day” are timely. So much is happening. Personally, politically; physically, emotionally; mentally, spiritually. It may be that nothing we will do over the next 24 months is more significant than this commitment to joy in trying times.

  • Spiders!

    I am starting a two-year study with Barbara Brodsky and Aaron and John Orr. As a preparation, Barbara shared a detailed meditation/dream she had where she was asked what her highest intention was. As part of this process, a high being conducted a sort of interview. This being asked if there were those who would speak to their experience of Barbara.

    The deva of the lady bugs came forth saying Barbara had been carefully removing them from the window sill and gently taking them outdoors.

    A deva of the spiders said Barbara was fearful and had done great harm to their kind when they approached her. She admitted this was true.

    The wise being conducting the interview said, “These balance each other out.”

    As I read the rest of Barbara’s accounts, each balancing one another out, I wondered who would speak and what could be said about me.

    One of my most frequent mantras is, “May all beings come to the end of suffering.” Each Sunday morning Celeste closes our meditation with the extended version including the wish that all beings know love and find peace. Is that enough?

    Wondering if the times I have worried about finances and withheld my generosity be balanced by the times when you know you are supported by the abundance of the universe and give generously. “I am a co-signer on God’s bank account.” Do you know this truth?

    Perhaps the moments of patiently waiting in line or traffic or saying for the third time still with kindness how to do something will be able to balance my sharp tongue and unwholesome reply when anxious about something.

    What will be made of our lives? What is being made?

    I had a post-Sangha conversation on the sidewalk with Don as we were leaving the library. He spoke of the great understanding coming from a true sense of what is meant by the term karma. One might steal, cheat, lie, then find themselves on the receiving end of unkindness and true lack of safe conditions for life. If you can recognize the starting of the turning of the wheel, you can release any sense of being a victim.

    One of my earliest jobs was to count 50 gallon wooden barrels filled with cherries in bleach solution for making maraschino cherries. (Yes, before they become artificially red or green, toxic chemicals are used to make them white. Yuck!) Many dozens of barrels laid end-to-end in the wide open field adjacent to the warehouse of the cider mill my dad managed. Our job was to walk the barrels, stepping from one to the next, counting, making sure the people took what they paid for. This was the perfect home to a gadzillion HUGE yellow and black field spiders.

    In my childish fear, I did not understand the benefit of these creatures. I only knew the fear. We would catch dozens of them in jars where they would fight to the death in this unnatural lack of territory. The unnatural environment made the spiders appear fierce and hostile.

    Interestingly, years later I would discover “spider” is my one of my primary animal totems…

    Thankfully, we can come to a genuine recognition of the worth of all beings and experiences.

    The Four Immeasurables as a Traditional Tibetan Buddhist Prayer

    May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
    May they be free of suffering and the cause of suffering.
    May they never be disassociated from the supreme happiness which is without suffering.
    May they remain in the boundless equanimity, free from both attachment to close ones and rejection of others.

  • Milarepa’s Muses


    I am in a poetry writing group. We are working our way through The Crafty Poet: A Portable Workshop by Diane Lockward. Craft Tip #12 is about the uses of myth. “Milarepa’s Muses” is based on The Non-Duality of Coming to Know the Light Within the Darkness; Age of Kali , a talk given by Aaron on Saturday Morning, December 3, 2016, at a retreat in Seattle. Aaron is channeled by Barbara Brodsky. You can read Aaron’s entire talk at the Deep Spring Center Archives. I have included a clip of just the story of Milarepa at the end of this post.

    Milarepa’s Muses

    Demons on the doorstep
    Demons outside, Milarepa inside
    Duality

    Delighted demons destroying
    Property and Milarepa’s
    Peace

    Always there, those demons
    Doing their demon things
    Determined

    Dogging his footsteps
    Dodging his arrows
    Dastardly

    “Eat me,” mouthed as
    Milarepa puts his head inside the demon’s mouth
    Victory

    The demon disappears
    Light merging with darkness
    Oneness

    Debra Basham 7-17-2018 (WC 53) based on The Non-Duality of Coming to Know the Light Within the Darkness; Age of Kali by Aaron

    It seems one of the most common demons visiting humans is the demon of the fear of death. I just finished reading Frank J. Cunningham’s, Vesper Time: The Spiritual Practice of Aging. On page 131-132, Cunningham writes that when the Dali Lama was asked if he feared death, he replied, “It’s just a change of clothes.”

    Ending the duality and recognizing the truth that death is just a change of clothes is putting your head inside the demon’s mouth and watching the demon disappear.

    The Non-Duality of Coming to Know the Light Within the Darkness; Age of Kali
     
    December 3, 2016 Saturday Morning, Seattle Retreat;
    Combined retreat opening talk and morning instruction with Aaron

    Some years ago, I offered the group at this retreat the second Milarepa practice. Not the serving tea practice, that’s Part 1. First we serve him tea. We get used to the demon. We stop running from or denying the demon. We open our hearts to ourselves and the demon. We serve him tea and say, “Shh, no dialogue. We’re not going to talk, but you may be here. I’ll let you be present.” To let him be present there must be a deep sense of, not your power, the power, when you rest in connection with the light. It is that connection that allows you to permit the demon to sit before you. But there’s still separation: me here, the demon there.

    The second Milarepa practice. He comes back to the area of his cave carrying firewood on his back. As he approaches his home he finds it’s overrun by demons. His first impulse is to grab a stick of firewood. He starts chasing them with one big club. Of course, they’re delighted; they laugh. They were really getting to him! “Look how much anger! Ooo! More! More!” So the more he chases them, the more they take delight in his fear and anger.

    Finally he realizes this isn’t working. He sits, he meditates, he thinks, “What can I do? I’ll send loving wishes to them.” They laugh. They don’t care about his loving wishes. They’re busy destroying his home. “What else can we do? How can we get him more riled up?” and proceed with their destruction. Finally he looks around. He thinks, “maybe they’ve always been here and I just never noticed them before. I’ll just be here and present with them”. Most of them get bored when he’s no longer agitated, and they leave. But there’s one fierce demon with bulging eyes, big teeth, a huge, gaping mouth, and he follows Milarepa everywhere, 6 inches behind him, always right there, sometimes coming around face to face.

    The days pass, the weeks pass. Finally, Milarepa understands there’s only one choice here. He approaches the demon, looks him in the eyes, says, “Eat me,” and puts his head in the demon’s mouth. What happens then? The demon disappears. Why?

    Q: The demon has no power over Milarepa.

    Aaron: Even more than that. Thank you, but one more step.

    Q: Non-duality.

    Aaron: He ends the duality. This is what we’re doing here, not just at the retreat, but this is what your world has invited you to. This is the whole image of Kali, the destroyer, destroying the duality. Fully embracing not only the light, but the darkness. Instead of clinging to the light and in any way trying to push the negative away, as we embrace the darkness and merge the light with the darkness, they dissolve into one. I use the image here of a huge dark cave; if you light one match the whole cave is lit even if dimly. You can’t see into the darkest corners, no. But as soon as there’s light, there’s light. It’s no longer dark.

  • Seesaw and Ups and Downs

    I just spoke with a dear friend. She is my sister from another mister. We are soul mates, and we have such sweet sincere respect and love for one another. We were sharing about the privilege of lifting one another up, and being confident we always get our turn. The metaphor that popped into my mind is that of a seesaw.

    Seesaws (also known as a teeter-totter) were commonplace on the playgrounds where we grew up.

    The seesaw is supported by a single pivot point. As one end goes up, the other goes down.

    My heart is filled with compassion for so many in our world. Irma has left many homeless, even if some only temporarily. It will be a long while before things settle to a new normal.

    A friend here in Michigan fell and is now in the hospital in horrific pain made worse by his blindness. He has lost his sister and his brother and now lives alone.

    What is an appropriate response? The following email message came from my teacher/friend, Barbara Brodsky, and her teacher/friend, Aaron. I have not asked permission to share it with you, but I know they will be glad to have you take it to heart and to share it with others.

    Dear friends,

    I have been watching the news and weather through the weekend with sadness, as I know is true for many of you. Harvey caused (and continues to cause) so much suffering as people lost homes, livelihoods and even lives. Irma will continue such suffering. Deep Spring Center is a national/ international sangha. In the past weeks and this week, I have spoken to friends in Texas and now in Florida, who have lost homes, have had to evacuate, and have felt bewildered and afraid. Such pain is a natural consequence of such uncertainty. We cannot fix it for ourselves or others, only hold it all in love.

    My first tendency was to think, “I offer you love,” whether it be to a person, place or situation. Aaron reminded me that to offer love is a subtle act of separation. It’s better than nothing, and does help, but it is also me, separate from you, trying to give you something to help your pain. It is a statement that it is your situation and pain though, and I need not experience it directly.

    He asked me to substitute, “I hold you in my heart,” with the recognition that we are one. “Your pain and my pain are one; your loss and my loss are one.” As in that beautiful chant with the lines, “because I am in you, and you are in me.”

    The natural human tendency is to want to separate ourselves from pain, from chaos and from helplessness, and to feel safe and in control. But life is often not that way. Acknowledging this truth, can we allow ourselves to be truly vulnerable and be touched by our pain?

    Please join me opening your hearts to our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, our children, ourselves, in Houston, the Caribbean, Florida, and also in Mexico that has just suffered a strong earthquake, in places where there is war, and in the parts of the world where people go to bed hungry and sick. Please join me with the loving thought, “I hold you in my heart. Your pain and my pain are one.” In this way, the true energy of Love becomes available to all. We are not helpless; this is something real, to open our hearts to our own and the world’s suffering. We are bigger and stronger than we think.

    May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.
    May all beings dwell in the Heart of Love.
    May all beings everywhere find freedom and perfect peace.

    With love,
    Barbara and Aaron

    Some days we are up physically and down emotionally. Other days we are up emotionally but down physically. Whether the storms of life have you at the top of the seesaw where it is high and dry or the bottom where it is flooded with pain, we are able to know the truth of the ups and downs. As Barbara and Aaron expressed, “May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.” We are bigger and stronger than we think.

  • COIK

    I have been doing a lot of contemplation regarding the healing capability of your mind, body, and spirit. This model of medicine is overlooked by most of us in the U.S. Conversations this week have been with clients, friends, colleagues, and family. Perhaps the real challenge is the military idea of Clear Only If Known (COIK).

    Learning about the human energy field changed my life. Not only did I experience relief from chronic pain, I also stepped into my life’s work. If you are new to this blog or want to share the details of my story with someone else who is ready for relief, check out the digital copy of my Freedom from Pain

    Two techniques from Healing Touch became mainstays in my health and well-being. These are Track 3 and Track 4 on the Freedom from Pain MP3 audio. (Sample listen: Freedom from Pain.)

    You can download Freedom from Pain for $8.99.

    I’ve been reading the transcript from a talk given in May 2017 by Barbara Brodsky and Dr. Tavis Taylor. Both Barbara and Tavis are familiar with John of God’s Casa de Dom Inacio in Brazil where many people from all over the world have experienced healing outside of the current medical model. Barbara says the doctors in Ann Arbor wanted to do surgery on her back. She was in pain and was unable to walk. Her words about what she learned in Brazil are telling, “For them to be able to help me, instead of relating to the spine as damaged and something that had to be fixed, I needed to meditate and know the strong perfect spine, to visualize it; to feel places of blocked energy and invite the simultaneity of the flow of energy; to love my spine.”

    Richard Bandler says if they can’t see it, they can’t see it. I am so very grateful I was able to see the importance of knowing we are energetic beings. Painful sensations are communications from our bodies. It is possible to love our bodies and see ourselves whole and healthy….

  • Life’s Squalls

    So many sweet friends and family members are going through major STUFF right now. One of the dynamics is how stuff comes out of the blue.

    That reminds me of the Captain Ron movie. Kurt Russell, who plays Captain Ron, says, “It’s just a little squall. They come on you fast, and they leave you fast.” Hear this message in a gravely, pirate-style, voice and you will get the picture.

    I enjoyed my daughter, Stacey, belting that out several times while we were at Cayo Costa. We went for a beach day. It was sunny when we got dropped off at the dock, and sunny when we started walking along the beach on a shelling adventure.

    Off in the distance was an amazing cloud formation—what at home we call a “front”.

    As we shelled, that front drifted right over our heads. Before we got back to where we had left our chairs and cooler, the sky overhead was very dark, the wind was quite cool, and the mist that was blowing our way was definitely more than sea spray.

    This week, a good friend ended up in ER with chest discomfort and high blood pressure. Her heart checked out fine, but they spotted two lung nodules. She will be having a lung biopsy.

    Captain Ron’s words popped into my mind. “It’s just a little squall. They come on you fast, and they leave you fast.”

    Over the years, I have been privileged to witness so many folks weather storms in their lives.

    From Presence, Kindness, and Freedom: Aaron’s Teachings on Living from an Open Heart by Barbara Brodsky:

    Certainly, there are issues that need to be resolved, but you can relate to them in loving ways. First, know that there are no problems, only situations that ask for your loving attention. If you are willing to risk being undefended in a place of pain, as you open your hearts to these difficulties, then there is no “problem,” which implies a negative experience, only a situation that asks for attention. (p. 37)

    I am enjoying a poetry group. The group leader, Gail Berreitter shares different poetry forms. The current assignment, Found poems, take existing texts and refashion them, reorder them, and present them as poems. The literary equivalent of a collage, found poetry is often made from newspaper articles, street signs, graffiti, speeches, letters, or even other poems.

    A pure found poem consists exclusively of outside texts: the words of the poem remain as they were found, with few additions or omissions. Decisions of form, such as where to break a line, are left to the poet.

    As a sort of poetic prayer for loved ones, I took that quotation from Presence, Kindness, and Freedom, and I created a Found poem.
    No Problems
    by Debra Basham 2/24/2017

    Certainly (3)
    there are issues (4)
    that need to be resolved (5)
    you can relate to them in loving ways. (10)

    First, know that (3)
    there aren’t problems (4)
    just situations (5)
    asking us for our loving attention. (10)

    If you are (3)
    willing to risk, (4)
    be undefended (5)
    in a place of pain and with open hearts (10)

    to these (3)
    difficulties (4)
    there is no “problem“ (5)
    nothing negative, just a call for love. (10)

    After that squall, the sun came back out. We had a marvelous day.

    May all beings relate to the issues that need to be resolved in loving ways. They come on you fast, and they leave you fast.

  • Bells!

    While it may not immediately make total sense to everyone, my silent insight meditation retreat week was made much richer just because on Monday when we arrived I signed up to be the bell ringer for Saturday.

    Let me begin by sharing these comments from my meditation teacher, Barbara Brodsky:

    Another way we create much pain for ourselves is by our inability to live in this moment. There’s nothing wrong with planning, but when we’re planning, we seldom KNOW we’re planning. We use it as a way of escaping our lives. Often, attention is scattered. We find little real joy and peace in this moment. We stop for a cup of tea; while we drink it, we plan the afternoon, trying to free the schedule to fit in the game of tennis. We rush through the work, and reach the courts. Through the tennis match, thoughts of the evening meeting intrude.

    Signing up as Saturday’s bell ringer, I asked one of the retreat managers about the schedule. At previous retreats with this group, each bell ringing time was signed up for separately. I was always awake early, so I often chose the first bell of the morning. It was easy for me, and I considered it a gift because so many people don’t wake up early. At this retreat, we were making a commitment to ring every bell for an entire day.

    I had carefully selected Saturday to give myself a few days off before providing the service to the community.

    The manager responded to my question about the schedule with, “The times for the ringing of the bells are on the sheet. That sheet will go with the bell.”

    My mind was off and running. I saw on the sheet that bells were scheduled at 6:00 am, 6:30 am, 7:00 am, 7:30 am, 9:00 am, 11:15 am, 12:00 pm, 2:00 pm, 2:30 pm, 4:30 pm, 5:15 pm, 6:30 pm, and 7:30 pm. Not much of a retreat day….

    The purpose of the ringing of the bells is to allow attendants to let go of the slavery to planning mind, busy mind, and to be more present. The 6:00 am bell is the first wake-up bell, for those who will attend the early (6:30 am) chanting and meditation sitting. The 6:30 am bell is to announce that event. The 7:00 am bell is the wake-up bell for those who do not attend the early sitting. The 7:30 am bell announces breakfast. Each bell is to be rung five minutes prior to the event time.

    This retreat was held at Oakwood Retreat Center a 40 acre property in Selma, Indiana. It takes a full 15 minutes to get around to each of the five residential buildings. (I know because I timed it.)

    My habit energy fear of “not doing it right” revealed itself around bell-ringing. This was not the first time I had noticed this energy. At the very first Deep Spring retreat I attended, bell ringing had my mind in a twist. Did no one know that it was impossible to ring a bell five minutes before an event at every location when it takes ten or fifteen minutes to get across the campus? I thought many years at retreat had freed my mind from this habit energy, but alas, here was the subtle panic pattern again.

    On Monday, I wrote an anonymous note on the flip chart in the dining hall: “What bells are to be rung?”

    The answer from am equally anonymous retreat manager appeared on the chart: “The times are marked on the sheet with the bell.”

    I noticed the churning thoughts. I would wake in the night. I considered crossing my name off the list to free myself from the mind twisting. Aware of the play of mind, and the opportunity to be present with that, I accepted as gift the ability to observe the workings of the conditioned mind rather than run from them.

    On Friday morning, I decided I would ask someone in the community who was not going to attend the 6:30 am chanting and meditation to ring the 7:00 am and 7:30 am bells so I could. I wrote my request on the flip chart. Notes from two willing volunteers were placed in the basket. With profound appreciation, I accepted one offer.

    At 10:30 Friday morning I went in to my small group with Barbara Brodsky. Before our group started, Ellen (the bell ringer for Friday) said, “I will need to leave about fifteen minutes early to ring the noon bell.”

    Note* Barbara Brodsky is totally deaf! (See Deep Springs for more information about Barbara.)

    Barbara responded to Ellen’s comment about needing to leave early to ring the noon bell with a question and a declaration, “Why are they ringing a noon bell? That is not necessary. You just stay here. Everyone will know it is time for lunch.”

    I admit to jumping on that band wagon. I began by saying I had thought right away there were way too many bells, had even asked the managers about that, and I was the one signed up to ring the bells the following day.

    When we gathered at 2:00, Barbara casually brought up the bell schedule. She apologized for having missed the mix up on the final schedule. I had already marked the five bells I thought were needed. It was agreed to those five bells as a revived schedule.

    So, what is the moral of this ringing tale? So you can understand totally, I will share a few more of Barbara’s comments:

    How we may learn to live more fully in this moment is a primary focus of insight meditation. We find much peace and happiness, and deeper ability to concentrate on the work at hand, when we learn such focus. We begin to understand what continually pulls us out of the moment and to not need to do that so much . And we find more kindness and patience toward ourselves when we DO repeat those old patterns! In learning kindness toward ourselves, we learn it toward others!

    Amen.

    (Send email to debra@scs-matters.com if you would appreciate receiving a handout of Barbara’s basic insight meditation instructions. Check out Presence, Kindness, and Freedom Aaron’s Teachings on Living from an Open Heart for tips on clearing habit patterns.)

  • You Cannot Lose Him

    This post was started a couple of days ago as a tender musing around Wednesday evening’s passing of my dear friend’s 42 year old son. Out in the field, watering his beloved drought-stressed trees with his father, Kalvin was stung by a bee or wasp. Known to be very allergic, Kalvin hopped in the truck and took off to the house to get his epi pen. He made it to the house, and he used his pen, but it was too late. His father, having had to walk in from the field, found Kalvin unconscious on the kitchen floor. They tried to revive him, but he was pronounced dead at the hospital.

    Wednesday, at 10:35 PM, Kalvin’s mom had sent me a text message with three life-altering words: Kalvin is dead.

    Driving from Kalamazoo to St. Joseph early Thursday morning to be with Linda, I listened to the talk I had given at Unity on the Lakeshore October 25, 2015—the morning after our family had completed the family-run estate sale for my mother-in-law, who had passed just three weeks earlier. The title of that talk was “Celebrations of Life.”

    As the mile markers counted down from 72 to 27, I had a felt sense an expanded theology was stabilizing in my broken heart and my swirling mind. I had a sense, just as Linda would never be the same, nor would I.

    Saturday, a wonderful friend, who often receives sacred messages from those in spirit, sent this message from Kalvin, to his mom:

    Hi Debra – Would you pass on a message to Linda, if you think it’s appropriate. Kalvin wants her to know that he made it “Home” safely and she can stop worrying. He would also like to thank the large contingent of loved ones that bid him “Bon Voyage” and to let everyone know there was an even bigger group waiting to welcome him Home. “It was quite the party.”

    He says that he is so grateful having Linda watch over him all these years and now it is HIS turn to watch over her and the rest of the family. Please let Linda know that even when it appeared that he was in pain, he was able to” remove himself” from it.

    He would have her know that he had a great time while he was “here” and he wouldn’t change even one experience including his method of transition. He would also have her know that he is no more than a “whisper” away and to be on the lookout for him. She will “know” when he is around.

    He is very insistent that I get this out right away. As a matter of fact. I had to stop in the middle of cleaning the garage so he would leave me alone. He’s a bit pushy when he wants something done………just kidding………….Love & Peace, Mike

    Linda’s response to my having sent Mike’s words to her was significant, “Oh Debra. Thank Mike for me. I heard Kalvin say ‘I love you Mom’ already.” I may need to remind her of this truth again. I will remember…

    Sunday, the church was filled with co-workers, neighbors, friends and family, and Wiley—Kalvin’s faithful four-legged companion. Love poured out from the eyes of many. Pastor David Stout gave everyone permission to cry, and he asked us to be faithful in providing ongoing care for one another. I will remember… He said we wont get over the passing of Kalvin, but we will get through it.

    At the service, Linda’s dear friend, Kathy Zerler, shared this poignant guided meditation she wrote as a tribute to Kalvin.

     A Guided Meditation for Kalvin K. Higbee

     You are invited to settle in for a moment of meditation in Kalvin’s honor and memory…please close your eyes and relax, as you listen…

    Imagine that you are walking in Higbee’s orchards, the trees are heavy with fruit and so fragrant that you slow down and stop to inhale the sweetness of fresh peaches. Nearby, plowed fields are ripe with cantaloupes and watermelons.

    It is a warm summer day in Millburg. Sunflowers are blooming next to cockscomb in Kalvin’s flower garden. The contrast of yellow and black sunflowers bring to mind Vincent Van Gogh’s painting of sunflowers, at once reclusive and joyful, impressionistic, lasting forever in your mind. The soft magentas and reds of the cockscomb give you pause, and you stop again to admire Mother Nature’s magnificent color palette that Kalvin crafted into a lasting legacy of growth and renewal. You feel the warmth of sun on your face as you appreciate the delicate efforts that Kalvin made in planting and nurturing God’s perfect flowers, knowing that they worked together with angels to make Higbee Farm a place of blessings and everlasting peace.

    Beyond the orchards and fields you gaze at the sky; it is limitless, one with the soil, part of our earth. There is no end to the sky and the soil. Like the generations of farmers before him, Kalvin was drawn to this. He spent endless days caring for fruits, flowers and vegetables that give us sustenance. Kalvin planted, fertilized, watched and waited for sweet corn knee high by the fourth of July, sweet and hot peppers, Brussels sprouts, kohlrabi, bountiful beans and squashes. Imagine Kalvin walking barefoot in the warm troughs between the rows, see him now enjoying the gently swaying flowers, the fruits and vegetables thriving under his care. Farming is a generous gift, one that Kalvin delighted in sharing with his family and friends.

    You feel grateful for having Kalvin in your life. You open your mind now to what this day may give you. The many gifts that Kalvin gave you are in your heart now and forever. If only for a moment, all of your sadness is washed away. You do not chase after your sadness, but allow your grief to come and to go as long as you need it; you understand that Kalvin’s ending on our earth is a new beginning for him, and for you.

    In Kalvin’s honor and memory, you decide to live like a flower. You make a conscious decision to be colorful, to smell good, to stretch toward the light, to hydrate yourself, to allow yourself to go dormant once in a while, to open your petals in the morning and to wrap your  leaves around you at night. You are as necessary as every flower; and when you grow together with others, your world becomes a garden. Please say a silent prayer for Kalvin K. Higbee.

    Kathy Zerler       August 14, 2016

    Sunday morning, I opened my email and read this powerful message from Aaron, channeled through Barbara Brodsky:
     
    Your loved one is not dead,

    he has only left his human form.

    He is now expressing himself through you,

    through your growing open heart that can allow itself the experience of grief

    and allow that grief to become a catalyst for compassion.

    He is expressing himself through you in all the ways he spoke to you in your life,

    the joys and the sorrows.

    He is expressing himself through every human that he touched in this lifetime.

    And he is in the soil and the stars and the rain and the sun.

    You cannot lose him.

    ~ Aaron

     
    Yes, our lives are deeply affected by the passing of Kalvin from this world to the next, and our lives are deeply affected by knowing that he is in the soil and the stars and the rain and the sun. You cannot lose him. RIP Kalvin Kenneth Higbee. I will remember…


    Kalvin