Author: Debra Basham

  • Mints!

    He loved the white-with-red-stripes, soft, sugary mints. And he loved her. She loved him, too, but since she worked as a dietician, his gifted sweets went directly into a drawer, never eaten….

    His premature death ended more than his gifting of mints, it also ended her sense of joy.

    Then the mints started showing up. Everywhere….

    In a bowl at the corporate office where she went with a heavy heart carrying his death certificate.

    In the salon she cried all the way to, the one where he got his hair cut.

    At the bed and breakfast where she stayed near the hospital in a distant town where he died.

    Friends got into the act, too. Mints were brought to her from the car wash, the bank, the restaurant.

    What had long ago been avoided, judged, and rejected became savored. She knew the truth now: Life is too short to not fully receive it when love comes your way. And she knew now that love truly is eternal. His sweet mints prove it to her over and over and over.


    mints

  • Be Present


    It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words: certainly true about this revised holiday to-do list. Your priorities are set straight with such simple shifts of awareness. The first one (Be Present) reminds me of our relationship with our grandchildren. They do not expect presents from us. EVER. They see us as grandparents for whom presence is the priority. 
    Sending peace certainly is appropriate right now. The news is filled with opportunities. 
    This year, putting people first seems especially significant as so many are in so much pain. Some are experiencing serious illness, others have lost loved ones. One of my nephews is in prison; another is gradually putting his life back together by getting sober.
    Most days my heart feels like it is breaking open. Everywhere I look I see treasures. Some of those treasures are material: a safe home, a beautiful new office space that I share with my sister, and a new bed! More meaningful than words are the relationships with family, friends, my spiritual community, and co-workers. 

    A special friend said she realized if her life were to end right now, she would know she had experienced a wonderful life. I think you understand that feeling. She went on to tearfully say she is not ready to die, and as a cancer survivor, she is now living her life more fully. 
    Each day, it is good to remember, thing nothing lasts forever. Not buildings nor bodies. Perhaps the precious, sacred, temporary nature of everything is what allows you to value it all as gift. Makes me want to wrap my beloved in a hug. 
    May all beings find peace. Especially now….

    Today
    Today I am aware I am here
    May I be here

    May I be aware

    May I make today worth living

    Tomorrow may bring unwanted changes

    Or dreams come true

    One thing is certain, though,

    Our world is blessed by YOU

    Today
  • The Right John

    Right John

    She was facing surgery to remove an aggressive mass from her abdomen. Feeling a bit desperate, she sent off a quick email asking for help. She gave him her cell phone number as she was logging off and making the hour drive to work.

    Moments later, he called, quickly giving her some suggestions. He asked her to call him late that evening.

    His suggestions made an amazing difference!

    He had more helpful information to share that evening. He kept in close touch with her over the next several weeks. His expert knowledge of integrative medicine, and his genuine caring for her, supported her through some incredibly frightening times.

    She thought she had written to a medical doctor in Texas. His name was John. It was days into the process before she realized that her message had actually gone to another John! The person who knew just what she needed and was there to guide her every step of the way was also named John—a holistic dentist in Wisconsin.

    However it had happened, the wrong John was the right John!

  • VA Hospital

    The 9th of November is my parents’ anniversary, and my brother’s birthday. My father, brother, and sister-in-law were all treated at the VA hospital in Phoenix, and my brother died there. I had been watching a segment of 60 Minutes about the reconstruction of that hospital.

    I do not know how this picture happened. Look at the trees and the light coming down.

    Marge sacred story

    My phone was in sleep mode and not in the picture mode….

  • Special Memories


    You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories.
    ~ Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
    Cleaning out my cupboard where I keep scarves and jewelry was the way I spent a few hours this afternoon. I slowly turned a pair of clip-on earrings and a broach that belonged to my mom over and over in my hand before getting a thin piece of sticky paper and writing her name on them. At some point, I will not be here and I wanted to be sure someone would know these items had been hers, and thus meant a lot to me. 
    A classic mood ringfrom the 80’s was ceremoniously slipped onto my little finger as I continued sorting and organizing. I let my mind drift back through my yesteryears. Yes, memories are connected to our things, but it is not the things that really matter. That lesson came vividly to my mind a few days ago when I received a call from a woman who had lost her wedding rings and wondered if hypnosis might help her find them. As we talked about possible outcomes, she agreed that the rings are symbolic of what she values: the love and connection with her husband. 
    Matthew 6:19 (Christian New Testament) addresses the difference between the things and what has real value: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.” The love and connection cannot be stolen or lost. Those are still there, wherever her rings are!
    The rune symbols on this special pair of earrings gifted to me by my business partner, Joel, spoke clearly to my heart. I remembered how runic alphabets were commonly used in Germanic languages before the Latin alphabet was adopted. Today, rune stones are used as a form of divination. Asking a question and letting the symbolism answer can allow you to gain significant insight. Many of my journal entries over the past years as Joel and I wrote and taught and worked diligently to serve humanity together have included a rune drawing.
    This friendship bracelet was a gift to me from my childhood friend (Connie Churchill) for my twelfth birthday. Even though 1962 was a very long time ago, and I do not wear them now, the bracelet, mood ring, and rune earrings are all nestled carefully back into the old wooden jewelry box my dad gave me for Christmas when I was a child. 
    Each of these items is highly symbolic of valuable love and connections. 
    For that love and those connections, I remain deeply grateful…. 
    You can tell by the bright blue of my mood ring!

  • Dragonfly

    It was his wedding day. As he was coming out of the hotel on his way to go purchase a bottle of champange for their wedding toast. There on the awning, on the inside, was the biggest dragonfly he had ever seen! The “theme” of the wedding was dragonfly.

    It was huge. As big as his hand.


    dragonfly

    As he stood there looking up at it, another hotel guest also stopped to look. “Today is my wedding day and dragonfly is our theme,” he said.

    Small talk led to him giving the other guest some fresh peaches. It felt good to share the sighting with another.

    A few minutes later, his chance friend came bounding out with a gift: A bottle of champange! How did he know?

    champange

    They drank their wedding toast marveling at the goodness of the mystery of life.

  • Finding Joy in the Journey


    “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.”

    I heard this pithy quotation attributed to Brené Brown, but it actually came from Gratefulfness, The Heart of Prayer by Brother David Steindl-Rast, and it is part of a larger commentary:

    Ordinary happiness depends on happenstance.
    Joy is that extraordinary happiness that is independent of what happens to us.
    Good luck can make us happy, but it cannot give us lasting joy.The root of joy is gratefulness. We tend to misunderstand the link between joy and gratefulness. We notice that joyful people are grateful and suppose that they are grateful for their joy. 
    But the reverse is true: their joy springs from gratefulness. If one has all the good luck in the world, but takes it for granted, it will not give one joy. Yet even bad luck will give joy to those who manage to be grateful for it.
    We hold the key to lasting happiness in our own hands. For it is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.
    My mind goes immediately to a remarkable woman I know who has been on a marathon journey through cancer for close to a year now. Following an almost unbelievable surgical procedure in August, she has met one complication after another. 
    Sometimes it feels as though I am holding my breath waiting to hear an update from her. 

    When her updates come—along with the candid reports of the hurdles—I can hear her fears and frustrations and her hopes and dreams, but I also hear gratitude. Her heart has been broken open widely enough that her heart holds everything.
    Her heart holds her desire to be there to see her daughter grow up. 
    Her open heart is the container for the things that used to seem so significant. 
    And joy is there in her heart, too; a product of her gratefulness.  

    From her most recent post: “On the positive side, I saw a cardiologist today. I had an echo-cardiogram done last week and it seems as though the pericardial effusion has now gone away. (That was the water around my heart). So that is good news. The cardiologist said if cancer was causing the effusions it would still be there. He believes it was the emboli in my lungs and now that they are under control, the effusion disappeared. I’ll take any win I can get!”

    Woven within the pain and uncertainty of her human frailty is genuine gratitude for the love that is extended to her. Love comes from friends, family, co-workers. Most wondrously, love also flows freely from unnumbered strangers on prayer lists who do not even know her name or what city or state she lives in. 
    As I join that unending circle of love encircling her and all others who are navigating the turbulent waters of the human experience, I am reminded again to never underestimate the benefits of gratitude….
  • Mom’s Gift

    As I was driving to the funeral home, it was late in the evening and I was racing against time. I was praying all the way there that someone would still be there. When I arrived at the funeral home my heart was heavy and my thoughts were scattered. As I walked up the sidewalk to the front door, I noticed all the lights on inside. I felt relieved. I had made it in time, they are still here!

    Opening the front door, a soft ding echoed as if I had just entered a fine department store. Soft music playing, unaware I just stepped into another dimension….

    Looking around and seeing no one in body, I noticed a bench in the foyer area. I sat down knowing someone had heard the front door open and would be out momentarily. I closed my eyes and began breathing deeply as I was drawing on all of the new information I was learning from my massage school training. As if I was preparing to go into a session with a client I was centering myself and becoming present in the moment.

    I could feel Mom’s presence—as if she heard me come in and came right out of the back room and sat down next to me. We were communicating, heart-to-heart.

    I was having what I called my own ceremony/service with my mom. It was truly magical. I had no idea how much time had passed before I heard a telephone ringing far away. It got closer and I realized the phone was ringing in the office. I thought, “Good, I will hear someone answer the phone, and I will walk back there.” But no one answered the phone; it just stopped ringing.

    That gave me an idea. I walked back over to the entryway where I had seen business cards on the table. There was the phone number of the funeral home. I took my cell phone out of my purse and dialed the number, thinking, “Now I will be able to talk directly to someone in the back. After all, someone is back there—the door is open, all the lights are on, and there is music playing….”

    I could hear the phone ringing in the back. It rang about three times and someone answered in a very pleasant voice. “This is the after-hours answering service, may I help you?”

    “Yes, thank you.” Finally, a live person! I identified myself, telling her I had been waiting up front here for quite some time to see my mother whose body had been brought in this morning.

    The voice on the other end of the phone said, “Where are you?”

    I again stated, “I am in the foyer here at the funeral home, waiting to see my mother! I need to see my mother!”

    The voice on the other end said, “That is just impossible! You are reaching the after-hours answering service because no one is there.”

    I said again, “I am here!”

    Sounding very puzzled, the woman continued, “The owner left the funeral home over an hour ago, there is no way you can be inside the funeral home. Give me your cell phone number. I will get in touch with the owner and have him call you.”

    Only a couple of minutes passed before my cell phone rang. The male caller identified himself as the owner of the funeral home. He sounded very confident and professional, asking me how he could help.

    I told him who I was, and where I was. He was polite and apologetic that he was called out to pick up a body and was on his way to….. He stopped in the middle of his sentence. His demeanor shifted dramatically. There was a dead silence on the other end of the line, then he asked, “Where are you?”

    One more time I reported that I was inside the foyer of the funeral home waiting to see my Mother.

    There was another long silence on the other end of the phone, and finally he said, “When I left the funeral home over an hour ago, I turned the lights and music off, activated the alarm system, and locked all of the doors.” He told me the front door had a both a lock and a deadbolt….

    I quietly offered, “Would you like for me to lock the front door when I leave?”

    He responded, “Yes, if you would, please.”

  • It’s OK


    Life literally hangs by a breath.
    Breathe in.
    After exhaling, consider the possibility that you might not be able to inhale again.
    When breath no longer enters your body,
    then your life span has ended, and you will die.
    Say to yourself, “This life is fragile and completely dependent on my breath.”
    From Being with Dying:
    Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death
    by Joan Halifax
    Well, she has worked very hard this past week, and we now have her Celebration of Life ceremony written. (See my previous post: Enjoy Your Journey.) She considers this her opportunity to get in the last word. I love her sense of humor, and I am deeply honored to have been invited into the intimate spaces of her heart and mind. I, too, feel a sense of satisfaction with our co-creation. Now we wait, knowing that for each of us life literally hangs by a breath.
    Since I have been visiting in her home with her, I now ask for dog biscuits at the drive-in window at the credit union. These treats are for her loyal four-legged friend. I am welcomed with a bark and an immediate expectancy of a treat. I think she welcomes me that way, too…. 
    Baby boomers are now approaching end-of-life, and, as this bulge in human history we have the opportunity to shape the culture we were born into. Is it possible we can cultivate compassion and fearlessness in the presence of death? Perhaps it is not only possible, but also our destiny and our most sacred opportunity. 
    Conscious dying is the phrase most commonly used today. An essential element in conscious dying is learning to consciously live, and the earlier the better, but it is never too late to learn the truth that it’s OK.
    You can listen online to the complete Death A 5-Part Series on Wisconsin Public Radio. Here is an excerpt from part three, Death-The Last Moment:

    The hospice doctors, nurses, and social workers asked him if he was afraid of death. He always said no; he was not afraid of death. It occurred to me that was not the right question.
    I asked him, “Are you afraid of death?”
    “No,” he responded. 
    “Are you afraid of dying?” I asked. 
    “Yes,” he whispered. 
    “What are you afraid of?” I continued.
    “The unknown… the pain,” he stammered. 

    Steven Spiro, Buddhist chaplain and advocate of conscious dying, shares information on conscious dying and encourages us to imagine our own death in detail: where would you like to die; who would you want with you; who don’t you want to be there. I would add the phrase from Imagine Healing: Although it won’t happen exactly as you imagine it….
    Spiro suggests we can make peace and practice conscious dying with the help of the phrases from Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living, by Ira Byrock, M.D. 
    “Please forgive me.”
    “I forgive you.”
    “Thank you.”
    “I love you.”
    Spiro wisely adds a fifth: “It’s OK.” 
    I breathe in and I think of the unknown facing me and all those I love. I breathe out and I think of the unknown facing her and all those she loves.
    It’s OK. I have another serving of dog biscuits ready….



  • Prayer for Healing

    He had been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, a form of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). It usually affects the intestines, but may occur anywhere from the mouth to the end of the rectum (anus).

    He was scheduled for surgery, but had been praying for a healing.


    prayer for healing

    He knew healings happen. He had been part of many of them for others, but he was not sure he would have one himself. The morning of surgery, he had the message from “The Father” to have them take another CT scan.

    After much discussion, the doctor reluctantly agreed to do the scan.

    The result?

    No Crohn’s disease!