Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • Remember to Enjoy Yourself!


    Maybe the most important teaching is to lighten up and relax.
    It’s such a huge help in working with our crazy mixed-up minds to remember that what we’re doing is unlocking a softness that is in us and letting it spread.
    We’re letting it blur the sharp corners of self-criticism and complaint.
    When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön
    Perhaps other cultures have an easier time of it, but as Westerners, it may not come as a huge surprise to you that humans are not usually very compassionate with ourselves (or with one another). Previously, I have written and spoken about how ingrained blame and shame are to those of us who grew up hearing the story of Adam and Eve. In that story, the female archetype caused the male archetype to do something bad. In the book of Genesis, Chapter 3, Verse 12:
    The Man said, “The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it.”
    God said to the Woman, “What is this that you’ve done?”

    The freedom comes from our being able to sit with the pain of what is. I love how Gary Zukav and Linda Francis have provided a better way of relating through their Spiritual Partnership Guidelines. 

    Essentially we are able to become aware of our reactions, especially strong emotions, and take responsibility for our feelings, experiences, and actions. Imagine if the story we were told as a foundation for our faith journey went more like this: 

    The Man said, “I am sorry. We did not intend any wrong. The fruit was there and we both had some.”
    God said to the Woman, “That is a good man you have there.”

    Of course, we do not have to pretend we are in relationship with a good man or a good woman. We are all capable of bringing a greater consciousness to each of our relationships. We can learn to act from the healthiest part of our being, and to easily say, “Oops,” if we notice that we were not in integrity about something. 

    This winter I have been focused on learning more and more how individuals can overcome the biology of addiction. Tommy Rosen of Recovery 2.0 fame is someone I have come to appreciate in that area. I read about an experience he had at a facility for recovery of 13-20 year-olds. When he asked this group why they had come there, he expected to have them say they were there because of drugs and alcohol. What he heard, instead, in every case, was they were there because of anxiety and trauma.

    You can download a free pdf version of the Spiritual Partnership Guidelines. You have to love what it says at the top (and bottom) of the page:

    PRINT • SHARE • PLACE EVERYWHERE • EXPERIMENT WITH YOUR LIFE 
    And remember to enjoy yourself!

  • Sonny

    Needing a kitty fix, after traveling and being away from the cats in her life, she went to an auto repair business where Sonny spends his days. He is one of those great cats who gets so absorbed by the attention he receives he forgets to swallow and slobbers. She had not been there for one year, and she was so relieved he was still there and welcoming her affection.


    Sonny1

    As she sat down on the bench and welcomed Sonny up on to her lap, she saw a dime on the floor under the edge of the counter! For over a year she had been finding dimes for a friend (the dimes come as a message of love from her friend’s husband who had transitioned). This dime is special, two days before Valentine’s Day.

    dime at St James Auto

    She snapped a photo of the dime, sent it photo to her friend, and gave Sonny a few more minutes of kitty massage. She would have missed the dime if not for stopping by to spend time with him.

  • Max and The Web of LIFE


    Hank’s friend was in Michigan this winter rather than in Florida golfing with Hank. John lost his spot on Jerry’s golf league. About 1:00 pm today, John’s phone rang. Hank was calling to get the name and address of the golf course they were going to play on Tuesday. “I will call my brother and call you right back with that information.”
    Jerry answered the phone, but John could barely make out what he was saying about his dog, Max. “I cannot think about golf right now. We left Max at Kathy’s so we could all go out to dinner last night. When we got back, Max had broken through a screen. We have been out looking, but he is still missing. We may not even be golfing on Tuesday.” John hung up the phone near tears himself.
    “He will try to find his way home,” I said. We both knew how difficult that would be. Max had gone missing from somewhere other than his own home, and would be trying to find his way to a “seasonal” home, along the crazy-busy roads in that area at this time of year….
    Never realizing how significant it would turn out to be, John and I had had the opportunity to be part of a happy ending when a lost dog named Sophie got home safely thanks to social media (See: The Tool is Neutral).
    Sophie’s information had been posted on the Pine Island Prospect Facebook page, so I quickly posted Max’s photo there. Within minutes, a wonderful woman shared it on the Cape Coral Pet Lost and Found Facebook page. This was the area where Max had gone missing!
    Going to that page, I was greeted by a photo of Max with this message: “Picked up this cutie last night at the corner of Skyline Drive in front of El Rio golf course. Please share so we can get him home. Thanks.”
    Calling Jerry, I almost yelled into the phone, “Max is safe! I am looking at a photo of him right now! He was found last night, and the woman who found him has your number now!” 
    “A woman just called me!” Jerry quickly responded.
    “Take the call. She has Max!” Hanging up, John and I shared tears of gratitude and awe. One hour after we learned Max was missing, Jerry and Max were reunited.
    Professor of World Religions, Huston Smith, said, “Daily the world grows smaller, leaving understanding the only place where peace can find a home.” Grace is the only word to describe what happens when we follow the threads woven together to reveal how Max and Sophie and Hank and Jerry—and everyone and everything in life is connected in one grand web.

  • Beautiful Bloom

    January 31, 2015, her sweet mother was moved to hospice care.

    February 7, 2015, her sweet mother moved from this world to the next.

    Her mother’s death took place while she and her husband were out of town on a trip he had received through work.

    February 8, 2015, returning home from the trip, she found this beautiful bloom on a cactus she had moved into the house for the winter.


    aunt mary bloom

    She recognized instantly this message from her mother as this cactus had never before bloomed in the house!

  • 1111

    She had forgotten her own experience with the number 1111 until she was told how they came to occupy the office at 1111 Main Street in 2014. It was now 2015, but her own happenings with the number occurred back around 2005.

    She had been going through a very dark period in her life, and had deep depression. To survive, she immersed herself in reading the Bible, and she had a good friend to talk to.

    Well, she started to always notice that when she looked at the time, it was 11:11, or something related to that number. Her kids told her when she saw that number, she was supposed to make a wish. She never did that, but she thought it was cute.

    After about a month of her seeing 11:11 every day, she was desperate to figure out what it meant. She read every 11th chapter, 11th verse passage in the Bible, thinking that God was trying to tell her something. Nothing clicked, and her friend reassured her it was not a bad thing, but encouraged her to pray about it.

    Ten years later, she still doesn’t know what that all meant back in 2005.

    Following her phone consultation with the holistic therapist who rents that office at 1111 Main Street, she had to go pick up her son from school. When she looked at her clock, it was 11:11. She has since realized that she may have been drawn to that signage because of the number in the address, rather than to the words “Holistic Therapies” as she had initially thought.

    Interestingly, her comments about the words Holistic Therapies is what prompted the therapist to share the meaningful coincidences about the selection of that office space related to the street number 1111. Now, that number gives her a sense of relief when she sees it, and she realizes God was giving her direction and support all along.

    She says even though she had been taking baby steps in her journey with Christ, she now wonders if somehow that number was a beacon helping her make the contact, even though her first happenings with it were so many years ago.

    The night following the consultation, as she crawled in to bed, she knocked something off the headboard. Turning on her phone, using the light to find out what had fallen, this is the first thing she saw:


    1111 (1)

  • Clouds


    How much more our beliefs, attitudes, and perceptions dictate our emotions, but weather can really get people down. A gray day can drag our mood down, or sunshine can lift our spirits.
    Photo taken by my sister-in-law, Cindy Basham.
    Having spent the past few winters in sunny Southwest Florida, I marvel at how easily folks there get blessed by sunshine all winter long. Michigan winters are notoriously gray. It may be more the lack of sunshine that affects folks even more than the cold or snow.
    My musings on weather and moods, and a writing prompt photo inspired three differently styled poems. Enjoy “Three Variations on Clouds Hanging Overhead” I wrote in February 2014.
     
    Clouds hang overhead, hijacking the horizon as far as the naked eye can see. The reflection of these clouds in the still waters below creates the illusion of clouds being everywhere. How like problems, these pesky clouds. Feeling low, mental clouds seem to span the distance from past to present to future—dimming the light of possibility almost to the point of nonexistence.
    Carrying sufficient moisture to dampen all but the heartiest of souls, problem clouds of troubled memories choke out the azure blue of present life. “Why did you do THAT? What makes you believe YOU are worthy of love? See, we knew you would fail.”
    Toxic habits of shame slide into the human body unnoticed: slinking past adoration, forgoing appreciation, and leaving behind a massive, putrid, vapor of regret spread wider than the contrails obediently following behind jet planes carrying people hither and yon.
    Father Sky opens wide to clouds. Billowy blankets of white on a sunny day, and even stormy fists of green and black and gray. Lakes smooth the way, providing a willing vessel for these clouds’ illusions to rest a while. The nature of our nature is to embrace all that is passing away and coming to be.
    Coming to be free from shame. The sun will shine again.
    Coming to be free from self-doubt. The clouds will not always be out.
    Coming to be free from the shackles of prisons made of what ifs or buts…
    Rising above all illusions, reflecting only colors. Colors born of water drawn up from the face of our beloved Mother Earth as infant particles of dust.
    From dust we come; and to dust we return.
    Clouds fill the sky, but need not bring tear to eye.
    Someday, you will look back on all this and laugh.
    Why wait?
    Haiku
    Clouds over Lake Champlain
    Will these clouds drench us with rain?
    Even while the sun shines
    Let clouds fill the sky
    Only once—without the why
    Let them drift on by
    Smile, and feel relief
    Why give freely to a thief?
    Illusions steal joy
    And the last one:
    Sitting by the lake, looking out over the placid water, I could see only clouds. The sky was filled with grey clouds tinged with white cottony edges. Looking down, looking up, glancing left and glancing right—as far as I could see: clouds.
    Perusing the scene before me, it popped into my mind how much life’s problems are just like these clouds. The emotion of a current challenge can reflect onto the surface of those smooth areas of our life robbing us of creativity and inspiration and joy!
    Looking only at what has or might go wrong is like seeing those clouds reflected in the water and letting the illusion convince us that the situation is hopeless or we are a failure or unworthy of well-being.
    Once you take on as the vital truth of you, the nature of nature, you can watch emotions’ clouds drift across the sky knowing that they too shall pass. This is the nature of true freedom: “Only one life, ‘twill soon be past. Only what’s done for Christ will last.”

  • Bidden or Unbidden


    bidden or unbidden

    It was early when she crawled into bed. Her husband pushed the bedroom door closed, so he would not disturb her, but when a text message popped in on her phone, he peeked into the room and discovered she was still awake.

    “Would you like me to bring your phone in to you?” he asked quietly.

    As she was looking to see who that message was from, a very important message about the passing of a client came in from the client’s daughter. Because she had her phone there with her, she was able to immediately respond with much needed love and compassion.

    He had never before paid attention to messages coming in for her. Thankfully, he heard not only the “ding” but also the urging to offer to bring her phone in for her. Bidden or unbidden, God is present….

  • Loved Beyond Measure

    She was so depressed she could not see herself going on. She doused herself with gasoline, got into her car in the garage, struck a match, and was ablaze!

    A voice boomed in her head,“OPEN THE DOOR AND GET OUT OF THE CAR!”

    Somehow, she did just that and survived being burned over 85 percent of her body. Years later she would say, “I never knew anyone would care if I lived or died. Obviously, someone wanted me to live.”

    Each one of us is loved beyond measure. Let’s all remember that.


    loved beyond measure

  • A Skillful Goodbye

    Japanese Zen masters sometimes know when they are going to die.

    Once master Hofaku called his monks together and said: “This last week my energy has been draining – no cause for worry. It is just that death is near.”

    A monk asked: “You are about to die! What does it mean? We will go on living. And what does thatmean?”

    “They are both the way of things,” the master replied.
    “But how can I understand two such different states?”
    Hofaku answered: “When it rains it pours,” and then calmly died.

    She has been my friend, student, colleague, mentor, and soul mate. My heart is overflowing with the blessings of having her in my community and in my life. Today is the last day at her current work, and she is moving to another state.
    How do we survive the loss? What supports adjusting to the changes? Is it possible we can experience a skillful goodbye?
    I remember well meeting with a young couple after she had decided to stop all treatment and to consciously die. We created her Celebration of Life ceremony (she crossed every “T” dotted every “I”). The deeper work, however, revolved around how to consciously let go of life as they had known it, and to welcome the next chapter. 
    We sat in her hospital room, just the three of us. I asked them to close their eyes and to begin exploring what it was like to feel their connection without relying on their physical senses of sight and sound and touch. “Imagine you are able to slip your consciousness out of your body, float to a meeting place in the middle of the room, and enjoy being together without skin on.” They were familiar with animal spirits, having been actively involved with a Native American Shaman.
    Holding that space, breathing with them, and choosing to be willing to feel my own quivering heart. How would I be handling things if I were the mom of a six-year old son letting go of my physical life? It is one thing to have all of the ideas, another to be experiencing the lessons real time. She was so brave. They both were. Even without yet knowing the rest of the story…. (See http://scs-matters.com/?s=Hawk&submit.x=0&submit.y=0)
    Today, I witness other friends facing serious medical challenges that may result in early death. In my mind’s eye, I sit in a quiet room with each of them, holding that tender space of learning we are more than these physical bodies. Even now, my heart quivers again. 
    May we live each moment so fully we have no fear of the future nor regret of the past. 
    May we remember who we really are. May we each learn the art of a skillful goodbye.

  • Unseen Helping Hands

    During a Healing Touch session, the practitioner kept having “monkey” pop into mind. Finally, a question, “Does monkey mean something significant to you?” led to a cathartic sharing of a childhood trauma in which the client’s adored Curious George stuffed animal had been thrown away. The child perspective was that had been done maliciously, by the mother. Although we do not know if that is true, it was very healing to be able to express that painful memory from long-ago.

    The practitioner knew the thought of monkey had not come from her conscious knowledge of the relevance. The universe is full of unseen helping hands….


    unseen helping hands