Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • Enjoy Your Journey


    The ringing of the doorbell was immediately greeted by fierce barking from inside the house. My visit was with a woman at home with hospice care. Waiting patiently my mind gently ran through options ranging from a forgotten appointment time to a crisis that had taken her from her home. Then I heard a distant voice telling me to come on in. 
     

    In spite of her frail body, I was greeted with warm and active eyes. Her very vocal companion let me know I best be coming as a friend….
    The subject of life after death seemed to naturally weave itself into our sharing. The Hawk Visit is one story that often has relevance when we are musing about the after life. I mentioned that our book club is reading Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife, by Eben Alexander.
    I also shared two of my favorite quotations from Roadside Assistance for the Spiritual Traveler, by my friend Rabbi Rami Shapiro.

    (November/December 2008)

    What happens when I die?
    Where does an ice cube go in a tub of warm water? You are the cube, God is the water. For a while you seem separate from the water, but eventually you melt – you die – and discover that you, too, are water. Have fun being a cube; just don’t forget that all cubes are water, and everything is God.
    (January/February 2007)

    Imagine that the universe is a rope and you, your mom, and all things are knots in that rope. Each knot is unique, and all knots are the rope. When we die our knot unties, but the rope that is our essence remains unchanged: we become what we already are.

    Life after death is the same as life before death: the rope knotting and unknotting. The extent to which you identify with a knot is the extent to which you grieve over its untying. The extent to which you realize that the knot is the rope is the extent you can move through your grief into a sense of fearless calm.
    For me, the rope is God, the source and substance of all reality. When your mom dies she relaxes into her true nature, and realizes who she always was and is: God. I believe this realization comes at death regardless of who we are or how we life.

    She tires easily, so our precious time together for the day was coming to an end when she said, “It would be so much easier if I could trust that this dying leads to a good thing.” 
    I encouraged her to trust that our leaving our bodies is natural and safe by looking at nature. Every autumn the trees in Michigan let go of their leaves (I had keyed in lives) without fear of the future. Each spring new life breaks forth. I reminded her that everything is energy and the first law of physics is that energy can be neither created nor destroyed.
    Later that same day, a friend came for dinner. After dinner she read to me a section of Choices: Taking Control of Your Life and Making it Matter, by Melody Beattie. My friend had randomly opened to this section earlier that morning, about the same time of my home visit:
    The famous “Death and Dying” lady lay on the hospital bed in her living room. She couldn’t get up. A series of strokes—19 or more—had left her severely handicapped. Paralyzed on one side. It was morning. She was thirsty. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross said a quick prayer. “God, please send someone. A cup of tea would be so nice.”

    (Melody describes how she came to be there that day, how she helped Elisabeth dress, and then made her a cup of tea.)

    Elisabeth looked at me. “What do you want to ask me?”
    Now it was my turn to clear my throat. “Do you really believe in life after death? Are you afraid of death, at least a little bit?” I asked. 

    Elisabeth laughed. “Didn’t you read my book, dear?” she said. “It’s not about believing. I know there’s life after death. Dying is the easy part. It’s life that’s hard.”

    I leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Thank you. And have a safe trip home.”

  • Laundry Chute

    Although the house was way too big for her now, following his transition she lived there alone because his hands had done the wood-working and she hated the thought of leaving there. Memories of him were everywhere in that house, and when it eventually came time for her to leave it, he was still there helping her.

    One day, the bundle she sent down the laundry chute did not arrive as expected. She could not reach it from above, or from below. Just as she was contemplating the predicament, his voice came through as clear as a bell: “Wrap two of my heaviest books up in a large towel, and send that down the chute.”
    laundry chute
    Following his advice, the books easily pushed the bundle through the chute. She smiled to herself as she knew she was now and always supported by her beloved husband!

  • Mom’s Glasses!

    The year before she died, we had gone to the pumpkin farm together. My heart was not in going without her, but I knew she would want me to go, so I went. I sat down at the picnic table where I had sat with her the previous year. As I was crying and reflecting on her, I looked down and these glasses were on the bench seat of the picnic table. I did not place the leaves or touch the glasses. I took a picture of them exactly as I found them.

    Mom's Glasses

    My mother wore glasses just like these for years. I have hundreds of photos of her in them. My mom was telling me she was with me always!

  • Retreat Review


    Without sharing the others personal details, it is my hope through this blog post you will be able to have a sense of the depth of experience from the week-long retreat at Camp Geneva, in Holland. 
    Right there on the shores of Lake Michigan, every season was present—including sun and warmth and bitter wind and rain and snow! Every season of our innermost being was present, too. As magnificent as the physical setting was, the inner radiance was truly most beyond words. 
    The focus of the first two days was on conscious aging. We heard that the human life can be summed up this way: “Aging is from diapers to diapers. We start out needing help eating and walking, and we end up needing help eating and walking. Even with the best of planning, you have no control.”

    Although our personal lives are filled with history, our inner being remains untouched by the ravages of past days and decades, allowing love to shine forth through those cracks and crevices. Sitting in meditation, you remember who you really are. You feel your heart open to divine love. Day after day we were each giving respect to and honoring our true essence. We had the opportunity to create our soul collage. It was truly a memorable experience.

    We led one another in a trust walk, and we played a round of Jenga. The game has 54 blocks. The goal is to remove one block at a time and stack it on top. In the official game, the last player to stack a block on top without making the tower fall is the winner. The suspense builds and the tower keeps getting taller. Our instructions were to notice when our body would contract, and to remember to relax and truly enjoy the play. 
    My past work as a doula (childbirth coach) came in very handy as one of our group said she had always been called a Nervous Nelly. So she could relax and have fun, I kept reminding her to breathe and kept saying, “It is only a game. At some point it all falls down and we say yeah.” I had such fun with my two partners, Clare and Cathy!

    If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
    If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
    If you let go completely, you will have complete peace and freedom.
    ~ Ajahn Chah

  • Archimedes

    We need to have a sense of humor as we discover the amazing ways intuition, guidance, and insight (probably these are all names for the same energy of intelligence and wisdom) work. You can see that very clearly in this sacred story:

    As I was drifting off to sleep one night, the name “Archimedes” popped into my head. I heard it so distinctly, I actually sat up and said the word right out loud. My husband, commented that someone more talented than I must have ducked for the message to come to me because I am horrible at math and science.

    The following day, I was on break chatting with a coworker who was dusting the desks. As we were talking he picked up one of the computer consoles. Lo and behold, underneath it was a small tag—similar to a Christmas gift tag. Written on the tag, in lovely cursive: the name “Archimedes” and nothing more.


    archimedes

    My coworker seemed to take it as a sign that I was a “witch.” Hope not! Albeit one of my great, great grands from a long way back—Patience Disbrow—was tried as a witch and found guilty. She was pardoned by the Connecticut governor. Hence, I am alive to tell the tale!

    And so are my children and grandchildren. But cross me and I will put a spell on you! LOL!

  • Claudia Calling Claudia

    Electronic devices seem to be super sensitive to energy. Most of these events go unexplained, such as is the case with this cell phone call!

    I was in my office working on the computer when my cell phone rang. When I looked, the incoming call was coming from me!


    Claudia calling

  • A Shocking Eve


    It was unlike any other Thursday eve, I will admit. On Thursday, October 23, 2014, I joined several friends from our women’s group—we call ourselves Lion-Hearted Women—for a fundraiser of the dramatic reading of “The Vagina Monologues” written by Eve Ensler. 

    Nothing I thought I knew about this production could have prepared me for how shocking the evening would be. My heart physically hurt as we heard about unforgivable acts of female genital mutilation (classified by the World Health Organization into four major types):

    • Clitoridectomy: partial or total removal of the clitoris (a small, sensitive and erectile part of the female genitals) and, in very rare cases, only the prepuce (the fold of skin surrounding the clitoris).
    • Excision: partial or total removal of the clitoris and the labia minora, with or without excision of the labia majora (the labia are “the lips” that surround the vagina).
    • Infibulation: narrowing of the vaginal opening through the creation of a covering seal. The seal is formed by cutting and repositioning the inner, or outer, labia, with or without removal of the clitoris.
    • Other: all other harmful procedures to the female genitalia for non-medical purposes, e.g. pricking, piercing, incising, scraping and cauterizing the genital area.
    How can human beings do such horrible acts to innocent young women? 
    The whole thing was not so dark. I also laughed so hard my sides ached as one of our own Lion-Hearted Women was performing. My broken heart literally swelled back to life with pride to witness a woman with over nine decades of life experience as a woman proudly belting out a cacophony of moans. Most memorable for me are the African-American Moan, the Machine Gun Moan, and the Triple Orgasm Moan.
    It would be an accurate confession to mention that I think every emotion I could have had was activated big time during those two hours. As someone who has been late coming to love my own body, I will always treasure the monologue about the woman who came to love her vagina as it was seen through the eyes of an ordinary man named Bob:
    “You’re so beautiful,” he said. “You’re elegant and deep and innocent and wild.”
    “You saw that there?” I said.
    It was like he read my palm.
    “I saw that,” he said, “and more, much much more.”
    He stayed looking for almost an hour as if he were studying a map, observing the moon, staring into my eyes, but it was my vagina. In the light I watched him looking at me and he was so genuinely excited, so peaceful and euphoric, I began to get wet and turned on. I began to see myself the way he saw me. I began to feel beautiful and delicious—like a great painting, or a waterfall. Bob wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t grossed out. (Excerpt from “The Vagina Monologues,” written by Eve Ensler.)
    I do not share this detail of the presentation to be lewd or profane. I share it to encourage every woman (and every man) to view ourselves as sacred expressions of the divine. How much more respectful and joyful and kind and compassionate we can all be as we are able to do that. We can all learn that from Bob.
    Genuine appreciation for the created can expand from one man seeing one body part of one woman to all humans seeing beauty in divinity everywhere we look.
    Let’s start a new greeting that begins by looking (really, deeply, looking) and saying to one another: “You’re so beautiful. You’re elegant and deep and innocent and wild.”
    Maybe this will help stop the violence against women (and men and wolves and trees)….

  • May I use your phone?

    Often, we do not recognize the significance of the “messages” we are receiving until after-the-fact. That was the case in this sacred story:

    I was brushing my teeth on my way to take a class at the local community college. The name “Milnickel” popped into my head. I had no idea why, or what the significance was. I had never heard the name before.

    On my way to class, my car broke down on the expressway. Never patient enough to wait for help to come, and long before everyone carried cell phones, I walked up to the house atop the hill where my car came to a stop.

    A man was in the driveway. He was a house painter. I told him my dilemma, and asked him if I could use the phone. He said he was not the homeowner, but that a very nice lady lives there.

    “Mrs. Milnickel will let you use her phone to call for a tow truck.”


    phone

    And so, within fifteen minutes after that name popped into my head, I was standing in the woman’s kitchen using her telephone!

  • A Plan That Does Not Change


    Time is a trick, a sleight of hand, a vast illusion
    in which figures come and go as if by magic.
    Yet there is a plan behind appearances that does not change.
    A Course in Miracles, Lesson 158
    My first experience doing “hands-on healing,” was done as part of the service of Holy Communion in church—laying on of hands, anointing with oil, and offering prayers for healing of body, mind, and spirit.
    For two decades I have worked full-time hoping to get Healing Touch™ and other natural healing into hospitals. Just recently I read a quotation from one of Plato’s dialogues, in which Socrates was quoting a Thracian doctor’s criticism of his Greek colleagues: 

    “This is the reason why the cure of so many diseases is unknown to the physicians; they are ignorant of the whole. For this is the great error of our day in the treatment of the human body, that physicians separate the mind from the body.”

    After I underwent surgery to remove a massive ovarian tumor in 2012, my vision has been to bring energy medicine into the churches. In my own (United Methodist) tradition, the Reverend John Wesley was active in addressing the healing needs of people. He was not just about preaching the gospel, but bringing the GOOD NEWS: body, mind, and spirit.
    Recently, a woman came to our local healers circle. She is trained in Reiki, one of many  of the hands-on-healing methods. She shared with the group her husband had a significant improvement of some symptoms after she gave him some Reiki healing energy last winter (during a storm) when they couldn’t get him out to the emergency room. He is encouraging her to find ways to use her gift of spiritual healing.
    Coincidentally, their church is one that I have a connection with, having taught meditation, guided imagery, and creative visualization there. Theirs is a wonderfully open and affirming congregation. I remember the love and respect they gave to me and my healing work.
    People of faith already do distant healing work—calling it intercessory prayer. People of faith already know that they are not the ones doing the healing. People of faith already recognize healing happens beyond the estimation and the rationale of modern medicine. 
    These points are key, and there is sufficient research to support the facts, but the transformation in our medical system may not come from doctors and hospitals alone. The shift from treating symptoms to inviting transformational healing may much more naturally and rapidly come from pastors and people of faith in local congregations. 
    Let me know if you are interested in introducing (or expanding) a hands-on-healing ministry within your faith community. It has been 2500 years since Plato and Socrates advocated treating the whole person, so perhaps time is a trick and we really are seeing there is a plan behind appearances that does not change….
    Small Changes … Infinite Results™

    “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” 
~

  • Suicide

    His mother-in-law and father-in-law were telling him and his wife about their recent loss of a friend.

    If he had thought about it for even a moment, it was a thought he would have probably kept to himself, but he was not thinking about it.

    “Why did he commit suicide?” popped out of his mouth.

    His question was met with shocked stares. The friend’s death had been a suicide.


    suicide facts
    intuition