Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • Writing and Sharing

    Recently, I have been blessed to share some of my writing in a variety of settings, including in my writers’ group, at an open mic event, and within an assisted living facility. I am amazed at what happens inside you as a writer through your writing (and sharing) process.

    For one thing, sharing your writing feels like inviting someone into your home, and hearing someone share is being invited. Some writing feels like sitting in PJs, it can be so intimate. The emotions evoked span the emotional spectrum: happy, sad, glad, or mad.

    This week, belly laughs galore from Debra Fewell sharing the revenge of the crawdads. Dan England’s words about a betrayed love still fill the air. Chris Michaels’ touched us all deeply by reading her memoir of her beloved husband’s death from pneumonia, following his decline from Alzheimer’s Disease.

    It truly is an honor and a privilege to witness the insides of another human being. 

    Nostalgia by Debra Basham

    My mother-in-law learned to drive a car later in life than anyone else I know, but following my father-in-law’s stroke, it was an absolute necessity; so learn to drive she did. It was either that or wait a couple of years for their youngest to turn sixteen.
    Going from having someone take care of you to having to take care of someone is not all fun and games. It would be years later that we all went into family therapy to deal with the stress. No one expected things to go on as long as they did, and my husband and I certainly would not have predicted that in our early twenties we would have the opportunity to be raising a troubled teen. Agreeing to open our home to one child essentially closed off the door to another. Years went by, and by the time my brother-in-law moved out, we were not interested in starting over with the baby phase.
    I tell our daughter she is an only because we could not improve on perfection. She knows the rest of the story, but it feels so good to have someone recognize you are perfect just the way you are.
    My mom had the ability to do that for every one of her grandchildren. She would make each one’s favorite food: lasagna, fried chicken, barbeque—and all for the same meal. She would also make three pans of cinnamon rolls so everyone who preferred it could have the one from the center.
    Mom worked hard. It was not until after my dad died and she moved into an apartment at the senior living complex that she had a proper bedroom closet. We sometimes forget how quickly things have changed so much. Growing up, we had a party line. Kids today would think that is something entirely different than what it was. We only answered the phone when it rang one long and one short, and if we picked up and the neighbor was still talking, we hung up just loudly enough she might get the hint, finish her call, and hang up, but not so loudly she could know we were trying to ask her to do so.
    Privacy was just not the same. When I grew up, we shared bedrooms, and we shared beds. Sometimes our whole family was in one, lying in the dark listening to the radio…
    It is true, we did not have much in the way of worldly wealth, but we certainly knew the importance of being generous with what we had. There was always enough to set an extra place at the table. My folks raised pigs once, but my two sisters and I named them after the people we bought the piglets from and after my dad had those pigs butchered, we refused to eat Tom and Fran!
    We did not think of our lives as hard, life was just what it was. And I am not saying you know it for sure, but I have often though, looking back, I could just about understand what drove my dad to drink….
    I’m so very thankful he had gone into sobriety about the time I got married at the tender young age of 16. We could probably say we had all been blessed because my dad’s grandchildren only knew him sober.

  • Black Ice

    It was still dark when they loaded up the car, pulled out of the garage, and headed toward the highway. They were on their way to a visit with their grandchildren.

    About twenty minutes from home, as he was passing a slower moving vehicle, a third driver pulled into the far left lane passing him. That car hit a patch of unrecognized black ice and began to slide.
    black ice

    Everything happened so quickly, but she saw an angel (he looked a lot like Mr. Clean from the TV commercials) step in front of their car, take his hand and push the careening car ever so slightly, preventing a collision.

    In a blur, that vehicle safely shot across all three lanes completely perpendicular to the highway!

  • Real Friends


    On a walk through a nature preserve with a friend, we came upon a most unusual sighting. Not at all sure what we were seeing—one was on it back, covered by tiny ants—at first we thought perhaps both of these Giant Leopard Moths were dead. A small stick was lying nearby so I gently touched the one that was upright. It was not dead! What happened next was nothing we could have expected, and at the risk of anthropomorphism, I will simply report what we saw.
    The upright moth moved nearer to the one that was on its back and covered by ants. Moving as close to the other as it could without getting on top of it, its front and hind legs on the adjacent side came up and over the upside down moth. It is difficult to tell you what we saw without calling this an embrace. My friend and I were both shocked to see the antennae of the upside down moth begin to move ever so slightly!
    Before continuing on our walk, for some time, we watched in awe, quietly whispering our shared wonderings of what we were witnessing. For sure it looked (to two humans familiar with hospice care) like some sort of being present with; a giving of comfort; a vigil.
    Eagles soared overhead, woodpecker drummed us a tune, tiny warblers sang sweetly, and as we came back over the wooden walkway where we had seen the moths earlier, we forgot to look for them. Going back, we were amazed to find only the small stick I had used to gently nudge the upright moth. No upright moth, no upside down moth, and no ants were visible on the walkway. Just the small stick that had been used to test the life of these creatures we had encountered.
    A more thorough search led to the discovery of what we assume was the upright moth, now under the base of the handrail that ran along the walkway. The other moth and its coat-of-many-ants were nowhere to be seen….
    We were both down on hands and knees watching the moth when some other nature walkers came along. Curious, they asked what we were looking at. Standing upright, drawing attention away from the moth, my friend mentioned that we had a picture, so I took out my phone and showed them this photo.
    Interestingly, I read on the internet that seeing these moths is most rare because they are mostly nocturnal and have a very short lifespan. Walking away, mysteriously summoned, Brandon Bays, author of The Journey, began lecturing to us from deep within my pocket: 

    This is a book about freedom. Freedom to live your life as you’ve always dreamt it could be. All of us have issues feel trapped or limited by in some way—be it anger, depression, grief, anxiety, or fear. It may be as simple as thinking there must be more to life, or as overwhelming as feeling a complete failure. It may be as debilitating as addictions, or as life-threating as serious illnesses, and yet, no matter how deep the issue is, no matter how much you have struggled with it, the possibility exists for you to become absolutely free, whole, healed.

    For sure, as human beings, we are capable of being absolutely free, whole, and healed. We are each capable of being real friends to ourselves and to one another. We can learn the lesson well from the Giant Leopard Moths….

  • Snowy Miracle

    Her client had been looking for just the right one, and she had finally found it for him. It was a Christmas gift for his wife, and Christmas was just two days away. It finally was ready! Snow was falling as she loaded the precious painting into the back seat of her van, buckled it in with the seat belt, and carefully pulled out of her driveway to make the 14 mile drive to his home for the delivery.

    About ten miles in to the drive, the car in front of her signaled a left turn. She lightly touched the brakes, anticipating the slippery surface, but was totally unprepared for the result. The car began to skid wildly, and as she crossed the center line, bearing down on her was a County snowplow!

    Snowplow

    Time warped into slow motion as she whispered a split second prayer for the painting.

    Thinking she would prefer to not to be hit head on, she grabbed the wheel with both hands, jerked it as hard to the right as she could. She squeezed her eyes shut and braced for the impact. What seemed like an eternity passed in an instant. No crash, no more sliding. No horn. Nothing.

    When she opened her eyes, she was facing the other direction, her car was parked safely on the snow-covered shoulder of the road. No other vehicles were in sight. It was eerily quiet as she began to sob.

    She was still shaking when she turned the car around and continued on to deliver the painting. When she got home, she was still choking back tears as she looked up the number of the County. She wanted to get a thank you message to the driver of the snowplow. She gave the clerk the time and location of the near-miss and was stunned to be told there was no driver operating a plow in that vicinity at that time….

    As she hung up the phone, she whispered, “Whatever you saved me for, with your help, I will do it!”

  • The Tool is Neutral


    It is totally amazing what technology can do. Someone can snag bank account information when they walk beside you on the street. And as cloud computing gains popularity the risk to gigantic quantities of sensitive data is magnified. Information now travels across national borders in the blink of an eye.
    At the same time, technology can mobilize, inform, support, and save precious moments and lives. That is exactly what happened when an adorable white Westie named Sophie got out of her house unnoticed early one Sunday morning.
    By mid afternoon Sophie’s “mom” posted a sign at the end of their driveway.

    By early evening that sign was photographed by a bicyclist with a cell phone and Sophie’s photo and her owners’ contact information was posted on a neighborhood Facebook page. Hundreds of individuals were alerted and about 48 hours later Sophie was back home safely! 
    Of course, not all missing pet stories have such a happy ending, but the important awareness for us all is to notice that the value of technology comes from its use, the tool itself is neutral. 
    Our mind, our body, our attitudes, our beliefs, even our very lives are given meaning by us, based on our actions. Celebrate Sophie’s safe return. Let’s all make the best of today!

  • Angel Encounter

    Many years ago, a neighbor who was our good friend passed away. A few months later, his wife and I and our children were visiting his grave. While she and I stood at his grave, our young children were running around, as children do when they are bored. My two oldest ones, who were 4 and 6 years old and her two (about the same age) came screaming to us, looking very frightened. Their faces were pale as they reported that my 3 year-old son had fallen into a big hole. We ran to the location of a double-deep open grave which had been covered by a large piece of plywood. Apparently he had slipped in between the plywood and the edge of the grave and now was in a 6 or 7 foot hole which was very dark and scary to him. I heard his cries as we frantically removed the plywood so we could see him. His tear-stained little face was looking up at us as though he was pleading for help and luckily, he did not appear to be hurt physically.

    As I comforted him with soothing words and my mind raced for a solution, I was inadvertently pushing dirt from the edge of the grave down upon my forlorn little son. I was frantic! I laid down on the ground on my stomach and I told my friend to hold my feet so I could attempt to reach him, but my arms were fart too short.
    In those days, I was not savvy enough to remain calm for the sake of my child, so the more anxious I became, the more he cried. The other children were all frightened and my friend and I were, too.

    Just as we were looking around for help in the cemetery and seeing no one – not a person, or car, or anybody who was alive besides us, I realized one of us would have to drive somewhere to get some assistance. As we were discussing who would go, out of nowhere came a tall man in a dark business suit. There had been no one in the cemetery just seconds before his appearance. He approached us, saying nothing, laid on his stomach on the ground, instructing us to hold his feet. He stretched his long arms down into the grave and lifted my son to safety.

    As we were brushing the dirt off of him, I was hugging and kissing him. Then I looked around for the man. I wanted to help him brush off his fine suit, but above all to thank him for what he had done. He was nowhere in sight, no car had started or had even been seen, and the man disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. For those few minutes all attention had been on my young son, and none of us saw the man walk away or “disappear.”


    toy gun

    After we had all calmed down a bit and started our trip back home, we marveled at what had happened and recalled that my son’s toy gun was still at the bottom of the grave. It had been forgotten during the rescue and now he was crying for his toy. We laughed at how shocked we imagined the mourners at that site would be when they saw the toy gun in the grave. Of course, we had replaced the plywood so another child would not have the same mishap. Many years later, my son would get teased about his graveyard story as being one of a “very vivid imagination.”

    At the same time, the rescue by the tall man in the dark suit was a mystery to us, and it was a good story to tell after the fright was over. Today, I know that the man was an angel sent to help. There is no doubt in my mind now that I have heard many stories from others who reported their angels appearing and quickly disappearing once the crisis was over. Our tall dark angel came out of nowhere and when back into nowhere after being now here long enough to lift up a frightened little boy out of a big dark hole into the safety of his mother’s arms.

    When my son was an adult with children of his own, I sent him a gilded angel to hang over his bed. I guess he thought he was too old for such things, and each time I visited him, the angel sat on his desk. Following the tragic loss of his sister, when I came to visit him, the angel was suspended over his bed.

  • The Amulet

    The dove and feather amulet hung on her rear view mirror. The dove hung at one end, and the feather hung at the other. It had never (not ever!) flipped over. That is, not until that day.

    Somehow she knew it was significant, but she really had no idea what it meant.

    She could never have dreamed that she would lose him before they were married. Of course, she was young, and after he died in the accident life went on for her. She married, had a family, and it was as though the door to her past had been closed. Or so she thought….

    She was having so much stress at work. She made an appointment to meet with a healer.

    “There is a man here. He wants you to know that he loves you very much.”

    She broke down in tears.

    “He is helping you with this challenge,” the healer calmly assured her.

    Suddenly the amulet’s having flipped over popped into her mind. She realized that had been a message from him! She ran out to her car to look, and it had flipped back over again.


    amulet-Glenna

    She sent a message to the healer: “Last week and this week have been great at work. The job is easier; I am more confident. My attitude changed. Thank you for helping to improve my life and well-being! The healing work you do is a very special gift!”

  • Spiritual Healing


    “Saul is quite the healer,” Sheilana quietly announced following the meditation. Sheilana Massey has been recognized as gifted since her early life within a Quaker farm family. For decades, Dr. Massey has hosted a weekly Meditation for Peace in her home on Pine Island in Southwest Florida. She had heard of Dr. Saul Shaye’s spiritual healing for years, but was herself meeting him for the first time that day.
    He looked anything but extraordinary, although the Star of David amulet with a cross in the middle caught my eye right away. Nothing about his appearance hinted that he had been a contender for Mr. Louisiana, although he later shared a treasured (yellowed) version of this photo as proof of his life-long passion in body-building. 
    In 1973, while Dr. Shaye was working on his doctorate in chiropractic in Iowa, he attended a workshop on psychic diagnosis, intent on disproving the technique. After attending the workshop, Dr. Shaye found to his surprise that he too could read and diagnose by sensing energy fields.
    When Dr. Shaye offered to provide a demonstration of his spiritual healing I quickly said I would love to be his demonstration subject. I later offered if anyone else in the group wanted to be the recipient, but none came forth so my exact words were, “I am always willing to receive healing and grace.” 
    While Saul went to the car to get his portable table, and bring in some copies of The Little Book of Miracles, Lois Mallinder told us she had put the booklet together over 20 years ago as a gift of gratitude after having benefited from Dr. Shaye’s spiritual healing. Since that time, she has printed and shared over 45,000 copies. You can get a free e-book from Smashwords or download the pdf version by putting Dr. Saul Shaye The Little Book of Miracles into a search engine. 
    You can listen to interviews online and I found this photo that substantiates his relationship with the Green Bay Packers. He told us Brett Favre has received his spiritual healings, too. 
    Dr. Shaye asked me if I was comfortable saying in front of the others what I would receive healing for. I assured him I was, and, when instructed to limit my list to three (even though he assure me that every healing need would be addressed), I first mentioned abdominal bloating that had been a very uncomfortable side effect of the surgery I had in 2012 to remove a 21 centimeter mass from my abdomen. Second on my list was spinal and muscular challenges since having been diagnosed and treated for polio when I was five years old. “My left knee,” was my last comment. 
    “Put your shoes on and lie face down, please.” Before he even touched me my left knee started twitching with energy. I am not a newbie to energy work, and I am very sensitive. I could feel energy running throughout my body as I listened to him explaining to the others what he was doing. I was aware he addressed a leg-length discrepancy related to my left knee being out of balance. Sensations of energy have continued, and there is a very welcome relief from the abdominal discomfort.
    I want to shout to the mountain tops. Knowing I cannot decide what is best for another, I have shared information about Saul with several. 
    What makes some people open to spiritual healing while others hold bias or even fear? This especially baffles me about Christians, given that Jesus was a healer and told his followers you are healers, too. John 14:12, “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.”
    Was it chance that placed me at that gathering, or destiny? Say only, I am grateful….

  • Guidance

    She had recently moved to the country from the city. She was not really sure about the water quality at her new home, so she said a little prayer, asking that she be shown if she should use the tap water or buy purified water for drinking.

    Heading to the grocery store, she heard an ad on the radio for a water company. As she sat at the stop light, waiting to make a turn, a delivery truck from that same company turned in front of her.

    There was her answer!


    bottled water

    When we ask for help, guidance always comes.

  • A Promise Worth Keeping


    Days have flown by, filled with family fun and shared experiences. For Christmas, hand-made gifts were shared, bringing delight beyond belief. The gifts, included an aromatic rice bag for the microwave (the scent was created using herbal teas); a sugar scrub to make hands and feet soft as a baby’s butt, and a fantastic board game which included elements of some of our old favorites and created a level playing field for all participants!

    Additionally, as part of our family time, we went to see Unbroken, a powerful film based on Laura Hillenbrand’s biography of an Olympic runner, turned war hero. A true story, the violence in this film activates a sense of shared humanity rather than separation. I was willing to go see it a second time….  
    The real-life hero, Louis Zamperini, died this past July, but after seeing this film, I can expect that his spirit will continue to bless our planet for all eternity. He ended up going to Tokyo as a POW, rather than to compete there in the Olympics as he had hoped. After their plane crashed several hundred miles from Oahu, Hawaii, surrounded by sharks, shot at by Japanese runners from above, and without food or water, it is nothing short of miraculous that they survived.
    The details of his story I find most touching take place where the film leaves off—after this amazing man returned home from the war. 
    As some still argue the question of nature or nurture, none will argue the absolute inspiration that comes from this incredible human life. Plagued by night terrors of his ordeal, his wife insisted he go hear Evangelist Billy Graham speak. He never had the nightmares again. 
     
    Louie Zamperini made good on the promise he made to God during those 47 days he spent drifting in the ocean before being captured by the Japanese: “If you get me out of this alive, I will serve you for the rest of my life.” 
    Fortunately, most of us will never have such dire conditions in which to make such significant a choice….