Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • Changing Species: It is Our Nature

    A retreat coming to an end is always bitter sweet. Some aspect of it is relief to return to a “normal” schedule, but there is also a lingering longing for the better balance that seems to be the likely result of a time of intentional insight and successive sitting.

    Catching up on email I felt the collective as I read a Washington Post article by Anne Lamont (a pre-promotion for her next book coming out in April) titled: “It’s good to remember: We are all on borrowed time.”

    I found her article helpful and humorous. The opening line really gives you a good sense of her message: “Getting older is almost like changing species, from cute middle-aged, white-tailed deer, to yak. We are both grass eaters, but that’s about the only similarity.”

    Nothing quite as humorous as honesty, is there….

    Some of you might already be familiar with Dancing with the Elephants, by Jarem Sawatsky. Previous posts have referenced this, especially the Corpse Prayer on page 28:

      Be not afraid.

      I give thanks to god who created all things good.

      In christ, all things hold together.

      I am not entitled to life without death.

      I embrace sacred life. I embrace

      sacred death. I embrace the

      growing and crumbling in between.

      Smile at yourself in the silence…

    Writing to a friend about the retreat this morning, I acknowledged that while it was not part of the formal retreat theme, because so many people attending expressed currently navigating health issues often the teachings leaned into how to mindfully accept gracefully our old age, illness, and death.

    Robert shared that as his friend, a long-time mediator, was actively dying his friend had a prayer he repeated three times. Someone recorded his final recitation of that prayer and his own voice was heard at his celebration of life.

    Whoa…. What words might hold my heart in that sublime stability? This morning I am still processing and wrote in my journal: Why do the birds go on singing? Because it is their nature.

    All things with a beginning have an ending. It is our nature. All endings are really new beginnings. It is our nature. Changing species…. it is our nature.

    So yesterday was the end of the retreat, and today is the beginning of living life with the benefits of practice. It is our nature.

  • Perfect

    We gained an hour last night here in most of the United States. What an odd concept, that we can lose or gain time….

    Gain and loss…. part of the Eight Worldly Winds. It is written that gain obsesses the mind, and loss obsesses the mind. We are attracted to gain and repelled by loss, thus we can be tossed about by our (often subconscious) fears and desires.

    This retreat has been placed in the perfect conditions of my life. My nephew David has found himself homeless and without money once again…. I could feel my heart closing after discovering he had not been honest with us.

    During the dinner break last evening I overheard John having two difficult phone conversations: the first was about an ambulance and police cars having been at the home of John’s youngest brother. Thankfully, John’s brother was not the one in medical crisis, and the man living on his property was tended to. In the quest for information, however, John discovered something else about his brother that was distressing.

    Loss and gain, fears and desires.

    The second phone call was about Friday’s evaluation for our great grandson, Jackson. Jackson had seizures one year ago during the fall retreat. While we have lost the illusion that Jackson is neurotypical, we also have watched him gain the ability to walk. He is still not talking. And, yes, it feels like another likely loss that Jackson will be tested this week and it is strongly expected he will be diagnosed as on the spectrum for Autism Disorder.

    The last sentence in my retreat journal from yesterday is: “If we had to be perfect to make a positive impact in the world what good could ever get done?”

    In the evening dharma talk, Aaron told a story about when he and Jeshua as young boys befriended another boy who would have been called retarded. Aaron would smile so broadly speaking of that boy’s loving heart.

    Our son-in-love, Doug, said about Jackson in the aftermath of the seizures: “Jackson is still the same loving little boy.”

    We have been learning that compassion is vital in facing the conditions of our world today. We have heard the term “Satyāgraha,” which is a sort of holding firmly to truth, also sometimes called truth force. It is a particular form of nonviolent resistance or civil resistance.

    We have also heard the word ahimsa, which is Sanskrit for noninjury. In the Indian religions of Jainism, Hinduism, and Buddhism, ahimsa the ethical principle of not causing harm to other living things. There are said to be three types of ahimsa or harm:

      1. Physical, by hurting someone’s physical body.
      2. Vocal, by speaking against others, hurting their feelings.
      3. Mental, by thinking against others.

    From this morning’s Daily Reflection Quote:

    Everything is compassion. It’s only when you’re cut off from that compassion that you can begin to realize that you have free will choice to react with holding things away from you with negativity, with fear, or, still feeling that fear, to make the choice, “I will respond with love, even though my reaction is based in fear. I want to fight back. I want to hate. I want to kill. But I will not allow that of myself.” ~ Aaron

    Fortunately, we don’t have to be perfect to make a positive impact in the world.

    My intention can be: I will respond with love, even if or when my reaction is based in fear.

    Love. Perfect love.

    (Barbara Brodsky shared a precious video on Instagram of a dog being loved on by ponies. She said, “This is perfect love. They don’t care if they are different.” Here is a photo snip:)

    (And also sharing a photo of Junior Bear, my nephew’s Emotional Support Animal, sitting patiently at the table waiting for his breakfast at The Mason Jar Cafe.)

  • What Do You Wish?

    Even if our efforts of attention seem for years to be producing no result, one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood the soul. ~ Simone Weil

    This morning I did laundry rather than go to the community room to ride the stationary bike because I am currently starting a novel and it is easier for me to keep my thoughts on the theme/s of the retreat without reading something else.

    That opening quotation by Simone Weil was posted today by Gratefulness.org and it asked me to mindfully post today as a part of the noble silence of the retreat.

    I have been listening again to the opening words and share some excerpts:

    I’ve seen so many on this earth with fear of, “I will die.”

    Every sentient being wants to survive….

    The heart of the shift comes from your truly knowing our nonduality….The tree is you and you are the tree….gradually your heart opens to knowing absolutely everything inter-is. ~ Aaron

    Last evening Barbara shared a significant guided meditation asking us to imagine being a young child, playing with friends, enjoying the larger community. Then imagine now you are not allowed to play with your friend because he or she is the wrong race, religion, or ethnicity. And then the friend is hungry because his or her parent is not allowed to go into the store to buy food. Before long the friend is cold and has no shelter, everything having been burned. What do you wish for your friend?

    I had memory of a story about a young child who was spending time with an elder neighbor who had recently lost his wife. The child’s mother was curious what the boy was doing with the old man for hours at a time. When she asked, the boys said, “Mostly, I help him cry.”

    Speaking about the two sides in any conflict Aaron continued: “You must support both and you must say not to both….” and reminded us we are not just our brothers’ keeper, we are our brothers.

    In closing Aaron spoke gently but firmly, “We truly are all one and all must live or all will perish….The choice is within you and in your dedication.”

    During the night a text message (likely a wrong number) woke me up. As I lay in the darkness I knew what I wished for my friend was what I wished for all beings. I wish hearts open enough to feel the pain and to feel also the gratitude. If I am not hungry, if I am not ill, if I am not afraid…. feel the gratitude and share that with the world.

    If feeling the pain generates only more pain, where is the relief?

    If not feeling the pain generates ego’s separation, who will help?

    The scripture in Daily Word for today:

    But those who look into the perfect law,
    the law of liberty,
    and persevere,
    being not hearers who forget
    but doers who act — they will be blessed
    in their doing.

    ~ James 1:25

    It is not just, what do you wish for your friend, it is also, “What do you wish for?”

  • SOAR

    When the loving heart simply asks, “How do we best find forgiveness in this situation?” and you take it into meditation and you ask for help, the help that comes is not spirit help versus your help; it’s simply love, one voice of love coming through whatever source it can come through. Let go of “Who is it coming from?” It’s just the voice of love. You can tell when you are tuned into that voice of love because there’s not a lot of contraction and grasping. The body energy is open, connected. ~ Aaron

    This morning begins the fall retreat with Barbara Brodsky, John Orr, and Aaron. I will be physically at home, serving as Zoom host, but my heart is also with each of you.

    This morning as I readied my space, I noticed some words on a promo piece for Zan Lombardo’s Forge & Scroll exhibit:

    It is time to give up deeply….He could do no more. Transformation appears as the death, at its right time.

    As I wrote the words into my journal, along with the comment, “I’m not sure from where the words came,” I also hear: “The words came from the ONE.”

    I played with the letters in one.

    O – N – E

    Only now energy.

    I had selected some special healing stones to place on my side table. I put the spirit (or love) rock that says FORGIVE YOURSELF on my computer.

    Then I wrote in my journal my often-expressed desire of spirit: What would you have me know?

    The voice answered:

    “No one is going on retreat. The ONE is present. You will have a split second of grief as you let go before you soar.”

    S – O – A – R

    See once and release.

    The retreat ends late Sunday afternoon. The Buddhist practice of dedicating merit is that we practice not only for ourselves, but for the benefit of all the people in our lives and in the world as well.

    May all beings come to the end of suffering.

    May all see once and release.

    May all know peace.

    Namaste’

  • Kyle Texas

    Thanks in large part to Zoom technology, our spiritual community now stretches across the globe. When one of our friends, who lives in Texas, let me know her mother had just pasted about an hour earlier, I quickly sent an email message out to the other members with that news. People would want to offer support.

    Another member, who lives in North Carolina, sent me an email asking if I have the address of our friend in Texas.

    I checked and discovered that I did not have a mailing address in her “contact” file but a quick search brought up an email message I had received from her about six weeks prior. She had registered for the fall class but did not receive the Zoom link. As proof that she was registered, she included in that email a copy of her registration. That had her physical mailing address in Kyle, Texas!

    I sent the mailing address along to our friend in North Carolina who had requested it saying:

    It is a holy happening that I do have her address!

    So grateful for the support from spirit that navigates all these strands of our loving connections easily….

  • Mantra for Handling Strong Emotions

    Following some online sharing, she emailed a Mantra for Handling Strong emotions to a friend who lost her husband 6 months ago, had her home damaged by a hurricane, and is now feeling a lot of fear.

    Less than ten minutes later she received a voice mail message from the woman who had shared the Mantra with her originally a few years ago! That woman was in a rehab facility and was asking for the Mantra to be emailed to another friend.

    The Mantra was composed by the Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hahn, who is known as a philosopher, teacher of peace, and all things positive, and obviously, LIFE is bringing that information forth for all who can benefit from it at this time.

    Here it is, along with the original notes from the woman who shared it with me:

    Make sure you physically “BREATHE IN” or “BREATHE OUT” at the appropriate place when reciting each line of the mantra; as the actual breath in or out is part of activating the Energy. Use it, every time the emotion arises again, because you are changing how you react to that emotion. It works.

    The “live word” of the Mantra replaces any “strong emotion” being worked on; with the appropriate feeling (Fear, Anger, Anxiety, Impatience, Blame, etc.). I will do the example with fear. Also remember that sometimes anger is an unknown component of the fear that a person is holding, because they are not able to control the fear,…. or Fix it.

    ” Breathing In, I’m aware of the fear,

    Breathing Out, I smile to the fear (yes, these are the appropriate words);

    Breathing In, I recognize fear as Energy,

    Breathing Out, I express Gratitude for Energy;

    Breathing In, Energy and Fear are Power,

    Breathing Out, I can safely hold Power;

    Breathing In, Power supports Wholesome Change,

    Breathing Out, I Invite That, which is for The Highest Good! ”

  • Tara: Transforming Suffering

    The sharing of their small group included looking at “What is my portion of THE pain that I am healing in this lifetime?”

    She spoke awareness of a sense of her voice not being heard, including times when it was especially painful because it occurred within the spiritual community. A few examples were given, inviting everyone to look at this collective pain around patriarchy. Within our society, our government, our religions — men having held the power and women having been largely excluded from it. While we can see evidence of progress, males and females alike bear wounds and scars.

    One of the other women in the group mentioned a Tara Mantra practice that might be helpful, including a chant to Green Tara which had been recorded by one of their dharma sisters.

    48 hours later she sent an email saying: This came in my email today 🙂

    Taking Refuge in Tara: How the mantra-based practice of the “Mother of all Buddhas” can transform suffering.

    Note* This excerpt is from an online article:

    For women, Tara offers representation and empowers them as they engage in spiritual practice. For millennia, religion has been dominated by male iconography, male clergy, and the idea that women lack the capacity for full spiritual development. To have the opportunity to engage in a practice where the central figure is female is affirming.

    To see that female figure embodying ultimate wisdom and compassion can bring a fundamental sense of validation and help to heal the impact of years of subjugation and marginalization. One of Tara’s origin stories reflects her experience and understanding of this inequality.

    ~ The Lion’s Roar: You Are the Divine Feminine

  • Looking for the True Self

    Wow… I had a very unskillful time of things at the Jam last evening. When John and I arrived there were only two others there and one of the guys asked me to drum on the first and third beat only. He played a bit of a song he was going to do, and he coached me, and then my emotions went on a demented detour. A wounded state got triggered (honestly, that wounded state had come into the jam with me after it was previously triggered by another situation). It was all I could do to stay in that room for two hours. I did not put my hands on my drum for one beat.

    He apologized to me after the jam.

    I apologized to him by text this morning.

    So much unnecessary suffering….

    Yesterday’s Daily Arron Quote: Decisions made from a space of contraction will always carry karma. They will always come from the self, from the ego. Decisions made while resting in that spaciousness that is aware of the contraction and is not hooked into a self-identity with it are free of karma and can hold the spaciousness of the loving heart as ground for the decision or words.

    I was self-identified as the person who could not drum correctly; the person who was not allowed to drum the way I wanted to drum; the person who was not good enough.

    Those are familiar thoughts and feelings, but they are not who I am. As I am writing this post a text message from Empty Circle Zen group arrived:

    We ARE IN the habit of identifying ourselves with our bodies. The idea that we are this body is deeply entrenched in us. But we are not just this body; we are much more than that.

    The idea that “This body is me and I am this body” is an idea we must get rid of. If we do not, we will suffer a great deal. We are life, and life is far vaster than this body, this concept, this mind. We are connected with everything and everything with us.

    My emotions did not originate in the interaction about the drumming. My emotions came from old habit energies of feeling judged or rejected or controlled, resulting in not feeling good enough and believing that someone or everyone was doing something or everything wrong.

    The true self has deep compassion for all humans navigating these bodies, these concepts, these minds. The true self has wisdom to recognize the suffering that comes from self-identification with all of that.

    While the true self was working on this post, I received an email from a friend saying a digital copy of his book, Looking for the True Self, is now available. (The title of this post comes from the title of his boo k.) The downloadable, virus-free, printable, and shareable file is freely available on his website (www.georgesanfacon.com).

    Note: George says you may get a pop-up message box that reads “This file is too large to preview” or “This file is too large to scan for viruses” but fear not — the file is safe and you can click the “download” or “download anyway” button.

    Excerpted from “Looking for the True Self:”

      a spark is born and dies in a split second, while the sun seems to last forever

      but if your time shifted to a longer perspective,
      you could watch the sun flicker in and out of existence, too,
      same as a spark from a fire

      and so your body is flickering, too

      the Universe scooped you up into manifest existence,
      and will soon pour you back …. …. ….

    May all beings enjoy looking for the true self!

  • Dowagiac

    She lived in a small town in Southwestern Michigan, but was in Chicago getting her tattoos. Not that kind of tattoos. She was going to have 25 radiation treatments.

    The skin must be marked before radiation is given, as it ensures that the radiation beams to treat the cancer are applied in the correct spot. Ink tattoos are most frequently used, as they don’t come off once they are placed.

    Tim asked where she was from. “Berrien Springs,” she said. He asked where that was and in her sharing the details he asked if it she knew where Dowagiac was.

    “I grew up in Dowagiac,” she exclaimed.

    The word ‘Dowagiac’ is inspired by a Native American word meaning ‘foraging ground,’ referencing abundance in food and game.

    Tim became very animated telling her that he had spent most of his childhood summers in Dowagiac with his grandparents!

    At her very core she felt such confirmation.

    She had deep knowing she was going to be okay, and that the divine had given her this connection.

    She was ready.

    Thank you, God. Thank you, Tim. Thank you, Dowagiac.

  • Three Empty Chairs

    They had just taken their seats at the funeral. Their friend, Sandy, had passed so unexpectedly after a car hit her in the grocery store parking lot. “Judy should be here with us,” Kay said.

    “There are three empty chairs in our row,” she responded, “so let’s save the one next to you for Judy.” Judy was Sandy’s cousin. Judy had passed not long ago.

    Moments later as Judy’s daughter, son, and daughter-in-law slid into their row, Judy’s daughter sat down in the chair they were “saving” for Judy.

    “You know, we were saving that chair for your mom,” she said to Judy’s daughter.

    Judy’s daughter flashed a tender grin before quickly replying, “Well, then I guess I will just have to sit on her lap…. Or better yet, I will let her sit on mine!”