Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: spirituality

  • Men’s Mission

    Sacred Stories

    He had only been out of prison 32 days. A family member was driving him to a Men’s Mission in another county. Not knowing if the Mission would accept him because he had no proof he had been in that county for 30 days, emotions on the drive were tense. He had not yet eaten today, and it was now almost 5 pm.

    Google Maps first delivered them to the women’s shelter. Someone there gave him the address for the Men’s Mission.

    Then Google Maps took them right past the Men’s Mission and on to a senior facility. Explaining that he was trying to find the Men’s Mission, a woman with kind eyes and a soft voice said, “I don’t know how the GPS got you here, we are not even on that street, we are on a different street.”

    Another woman—a colleague of some sort—stopped and got a map for him and gave him directions to the Mission. Then the two of them brainstormed other possible resources, the one woman taking time by providing addresses and phone numbers.

    He dialed the number. The person who answered the phone made a call and got him into the Mission for the night!

    Arriving there, he was greeted kindly, with these very welcome words: “You are just in time for dinner.”

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Pure, Positive Energy

    I am breathing myself into the present moment as I wait further news of the journey of my nephew, David. This morning something happened at the house in Allegan and he may not be staying there after tomorrow. He already has permission to go back to the Mission in Holland where he knows he will be safe. (See Google Maps and 70×7)

    Needing to breathe yourself into the present moment may be new to some people, but it is definitely not new to this recovering disembodied spiritual bypasser. I need to regularly remind myself, “My breath in my body, my body on the ball, my fingers on the keyboard (or in the car or on the bed).”

    From The Dharma of Dogs: Our Best Friends as Spiritual Teachers:

    I noticed how unselfconscious she was—steeped in the present moment, attentive to her surroundings and needs—and, of course, how she acted instinctively. If she wanted something, she went for it. If she didn’t like the vibe, she walked away. If something startled her, she shook it off. If someone approached her too fast or broke her (or my) boundaries, she growled at them and guarded me. She didn’t second-guess herself. She didn’t temper her natural responses or worry what others might think. She did what she did. She was what she was. And if other people or dogs didn’t like it, so be it.

    These were vital teachings for me, not only because I was a disembodied spiritual bypasser—someone who uses spirituality to escape the human experience—but also because I was a good girl, ultra-polite, a people pleaser.

    I mentioned Tina Williamson’s blog 5 Masks We Wear and Why We Should Take Them Off in a sermon given at St. John UCC in New Buffalo, Michigan, on Sunday, October 29, 2017. The Mother Teresa mask is the “Nice” Persona. Think about this as the instruction on airplanes to put your own oxygen on first in the event of an air incident. Honoring your own genuine needs is the only honest way to truly love and be there for others. You are no good to anyone if you’re drained and depleted. Taking off the Mother Theresa Mask is the beginning of self-love and it is within your reach. We break the people-pleasing habit, one moment at a time, breathing into the present moment.

    Dogs and cats (and all of nature) are essentially grounding our energy fields. Pet’s are pure, positive energy. I am a huge cat person, rarely meeting a cat I can’t love, as you can see in these photos of me with Zeus.

    Today especially, I am grateful for grounding into pure, positive energy.

  • Comcast

    Sacred Stories

    The Comcast technician was hooking up internet at their new home. She mentioned having lived in their previous home for 40 years.

    “Where was that?” he asked, seemingly just small talk.

    “On Lincoln Avenue. Just south of Glenlord Road. Did you ever notice the Johnny on the Spot Window Cleaning vans parked in the drive?” she asked.

    “No, I never did, but yesterday I did a service call for Johnny on the Spot. The guy’s name is Danny. I asked him why it was not called Danny on the spot and he told me there was a Johnny who had owned it and he had purchased the business.”

    Wow…. what are the odds?

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • For You First

    I am not sure who the spiritual teacher was that first told me whatever message you receive for another, realize the message is for you first. That message or lesson or truth also applies to the other, but it is for YOU. Perhaps it was something learned in Ryan Elliott’s L-O-N-G intake form for hypnotherapy. I do recall hearing it from Angel Gail Konz. This morning I had opportunity to remember it again!

    “Don’t we all want to be needed?” It was a rhetorical question via text. A follow-up to a our earlier conversation.

    “Maybe not,” I wrote back. I could instantly see it related to Sunday’s sermon coming up. I recall how clear I was that this week’s talk was to be new: I was not to give the one I had recently shared in another church. “Let’s talk after dinner,” I responded before sending her this:

    The Recovering Hero Proclamation

    I have no need to save others.
    I have no need to rescue others.
    I have no need to outshine anyone.
    I have no need to out-think, out-perform,
    out-produce anyone – including myself.
    I do not need to know anything.
    I do not need to be an expert.
    I do not need to fix anyone, or any change anything.
    I do not need to dazzle, impress, or inspire anyone.
    I do not need to be the hero of my own story.
    In truth, I am organic, evolving, and fallible.
    I allow things to unfold naturally, and I trust the flow.
    I joyfully accept and experience my humanity.
    I need nothing.
    All already is.
    Blessed be.

    ~Aaliyah LivingWell
    aka Gina Dawn Gavaris
    GeneratingLove@aol.com
    www.GeneratingSolutions.org

    I kept working on the sermon, adding this teaching from Aaron:

    A more wholesome attitude might be rather that an initial ego intention, ‘I’m going to save the world,’ we start with the loving intention to see how we can dance with others and with the Earth and with spirit to co-create deeper peace and well-being for all sentient beings. We invite ourselves to be open and listen, to be guided, rather than having the ego dictate, ‘No, it should be this way.’ When you do this you find there truly are no limitations.

    I looked again at the original writings on the Drama Triangle and added this to the sermon notes:

    In 1968 Stephen Karmpan wrote an article about the Drama Triangle. On this triangle are three interconnected roles: Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor.

    A Rescuer often gains great satisfaction by identifying with their care-taking role. They are generally proud of what “helpers” and “fixers” they are. Often they are socially acclaimed, even rewarded, for what can be seen as “selfless acts” of caring. They believe in their goodness as chief caretakers and see themselves as heroes.

    Behind it all is a magical belief that, said out loud, might sound like, “If I take care of them long enough, then, sooner or later, they will take care of me too.” But, as we’ve already learned, this rarely happens. When we rescue the needy, we can’t expect anything back. They can’t even take care of themselves – much less be there for us!

    This morning, an extended time in meditation allowed me to bring to mind the opening line I had keyed in for the sermon: People want to be helpful, to be useful. We have ways of being helpful and useful that are more wholesome than others.

    F!A$#

    Something clicked and I could see how hard I had been pushing her to experience something other than what she was experiencing. I had been doing the same thing I was trying to get her to stop doing.

    Forgive me, Dear One.

    When others seem to me to be in internal conflict or when conditions are difficult or “others” are caught in effort rather than trust, I am being lovingly invited to totally trust God in all of life. As I remember that grace moves through all of our days I am able to relax and breathe and let go.

  • White Doves

    Sacred Stories

    She was trying desperately to get to see her grandmother before she passed. On the highway she drove into a flock of white doves. She felt profound peace and she had the thought that her grandmother had passed.

    And she had….

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Guitar

    Sacred Stories

    Her dad loved playing the guitar and he had always encouraged her to learn to play. She was not at all drawn to it.

    When her dad passed, he left the guitar to her.

    A few months later, she felt compelled to pick the guitar up. She felt so close to her dad. She began taking lessons.

    Every time she plays the guitar she feels her dad’s loving presence!

    When we enjoy things our loved ones in spirit enjoy, we are all blessed….

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • A WonderFULL Week

    It has been a truly amazing week. Put yourself in the backseat of my vehicle last Friday as I left Saint Joseph before dawn, and drove to Holland to pick up my nephew. We then drove to Allegan, from Allegan to Grand Rapids, from Grand Rapids back to Holland, from Holland back to Allegan, and then I drove back to Saint Joseph. I was reminded of how we would go for walks in the neighborhood with grandson Bradley when he was little. We made everything an adventure. We were not just walking, we were celebrating life.

    Last Friday, my nephew and I were not just driving, we were sharing moments and making memories.

    I have been thinking a lot about the gifts we get when we give.

    I have also been thinking about the gift of our vulnerability.

    My nephew and I ate apples. “Honeycrisp are my favorite,” he cooed.

    We munched on almonds. “Oh, I love almonds,” he announced.

    We crunched Chinese cracker/cookies and he compared them to the texture of pork rinds. “Do you like pork rinds?” he asked.

    If you have never seen it, you may want to watch Brené Brown’s TED talk “The Power of Vulnerability.” Here are some of her words:

    There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it. They believe they’re worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.

    They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating — as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first … the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees … the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They’re willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.

    We were so long at the Secretary of State we were late for his doctor appointment, and while we were not successful obtaining his license at that time he has it now! We knew we were going to be late, so we called. When we got there I explained everything we had been through that day to get to the doctor and why my nephew really needed to be seen that day. I also told them I know how difficult it is when someone is not able to be on time. I asked them to please do what you could.

    As we waited, we watched a baby.

    We were late for that, too, but after my nephew saw the doctor we made it to his job interview! He is still in the running for that job, and we are grateful and also for a couple of other solid opportunities.

    We finally got lunch at 5:05 pm. I know exactly what time it was because we missed happy hour at Arby’s by five minutes. I splurged for a Jamocha Shake anyway. As we ate, we marveled at all we accomplished that day and how much fun we had together.

    Brown observed another significant aspect of those who were willing to be vulnerability:

    And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and — this was the hard part — as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.

    Tomorrow morning I will go back to Allegan. I will take gifts of bedding and towels and dishes and a coffee pot. People have been generous and we are thankful. We might again go to Holland, I don’t know for sure yet. Where ever we go, it will be an adventure.

    This evening my nephew said, “I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

    I told him repayment for kindness is never necessary. I suggested he just hold his gratitude in his body and say, “I am so grateful I can feel my heart full to overflowing.”

    I know just how he feels.

  • May 20

    Sacred Stories

    It was not the one they thought they wanted, but she called the number on the “For Sale” sign in the front window as her husband walked around the outside of the manufactured home. The man who answered the phone said he could be there in about ten minutes.

    “This was my mom’s home. She passed and I am here from California needing to sell it,” he told them.

    “My mother-in-law passed a year and a half ago, so we understand how hard that is. When did your mom pass?” she asked him.

    “My mom passed on May 20th,” he answered.

    “My mom passed on May 20th, 2003,” she shared.

    “My mom’s funeral was on May 23rd,” he continued.

    “My mom’s funeral was on May 23rd!” she blurted out.

    Walking in the front door, they loved the home immediately. Giving him verbal agreement to purchase the home she left with a copy of the paperwork detailing the original purchase of the home. Looking it over later that evening she noticed the purchase date: May 20!

    You can imagine these two mothers were working in spirit to bring things together around this home for their children.

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Google Maps and 70×7

    Tears were right on the surface for me today.

    “I know where I was 51 years ago today! Happy birthday to our sweetest darling,” I sent email to our daughter.

    “Thanks for keeping me!!!!!” she responded.

    I quickly wrote back:

    That made me cry….

    You were not a planned pregnancy, but you were a totally wanted baby. We were madly in love with each other and madly in love with you.

    You are the joy of our lives.

    And a truly remarkable (and HOT) woman.

    And an amazing mom.

    And an inspiration.

    These are just a few of the things that are true about your magnificence!

    She also quickly wrote back: “LOL – now we are both crying! Well, being loved so much, unconditionally, your unending support, and your amazing example is how I am the woman I am today. How could I be anything but remarkable, hot, amazing, inspirational and magnificent when I come from parents that are remarkable, hot, amazing, inspirational and magnificent!!! I love you both so very much!!!!!”

    My day did not go as I had expected. I did not get out for a bike ride and I did not make it to Sangha or to see the film “Rooted in Peace.” Instead, I drove my nephew (out on parole just 32 days) to a Men’s Mission in another county.

    On the drive emotions were tense. We did not know if the Mission would accept him because he had no proof that he had been a county resident for at least 30 days. Calls to his parole officer; calls to the Mission; more calls to the parole officer; and even more calls to the Mission.

    Google Maps first delivered us to the women’s shelter. They gave us the address for the Men’s Mission.

    Then Google Maps took us to a senior facility. Explaining that we were trying to find the Men’s Mission, a woman with kind eyes and a soft voice said, “I don’t know how the GPS got you here, we are not even on River Street, we are on State Street.”

    Another woman—a colleague of some sort—stopped and got a map for us and gave us directions to the Mission. Then the two of them brainstormed other possible resources, the one woman taking time by providing addresses and phone numbers.

    Someone at 70×7 Life Recovery answered the phone, made a call to the Men’s Mission, and got my nephew into the Mission for the night!

    Every moment men and women all around the planet face overwhelming odds to put their lives back together. Certainly families in Las Vegas will be doing that following the mass shooting. Those who have lost their homes and businesses in the recent hurricanes will be doing that. Mothers whose children and wives whose husbands have recently passed will be doing that.

    “You are just in time for dinner,” my nephew was told upon arrival at the Mission. We declined a sincere offer for us to join them for dinner, needing to get back home.

    Leaving my nephew at the Mission, we drove again in search of some “cabins” that rent for a weekly amount. His parole officer had told him about them and we had missed the dirt road when we looked for the earlier. This time we spotted the row of mail boxes. A thin, fragile, woman stood in front of them, with extremely poor dental hygiene, but she was willing to answer our questions. “Are you a resident here? Is this the place that rents by the week? Do you know if there are any vacancies? Do you have a stove and a fridge? A bed? (She said you have to furnish your own bed.) Do you know the number we can call?” She did not know the number.

    I spotted a sign with the number to call about rentals at the end of the drive on the side of the building. “We can pull in and get the number,” I told her.

    “I can give the number to you. I can see it from here.” She read the number to me, making sure I had written it down correctly.

    Today was a day with thoughts of resilience. I found these words online:
    Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes. Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make someone resilient, among them a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Even after misfortune, resilient people are blessed with such an outlook that they are able to change course and soldier on.

    That ability to regulate our emotions is a very big deal. I choked back tears as I thanked the woman with almost no teeth but very good vision and we slowly drove through allowing me to take a couple of photos of the modest cabins. I don’t know if my nephew will live there. Thinking about that possibility seems at once both tragic and triumphant.

    I wonder what someone could do with that amazing vision. Perhaps she could read to the blind.

    Profound gratitude for those who make a place for men and women who find themselves homeless washed over and over me.

    I told my nephew perhaps he will come to work at a Mission someday.

    For sure, today, we had much to be thankful for. Even Google Maps sending us somewhere other than where we thought we were headed so we could end up getting there….

    WE HELP OTHERS OVERCOME
    One Story. One Relationship. One Day at a Time.
    70×7 Life Recovery provides the tools to assist those in the addiction recovery process. If you are re-entering society from a life of incarceration – you are recovering your life — you are starting over. If you are looking for a place to find freedom from drugs, alcohol and other addictive habits — you are starting over. 70×7 Life Recovery works with individuals in letting go of the prison or addict mentality.

    Our Mission is to restore Dignity, Purpose and Hope to a recovery community one Relationship at a time.