Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: scs-matters.com

  • Turn Down That Alarm

    I was tagged in a Facebook post. Words I had shared had been carried around and then laminated, and framed.


    The words were:
    KNOW WHAT YOU FEAR.
    AND WHAT YOU DESIRE.
    SURRENDER THAT TO THE HIGHEST GOOD.
    LET GO OF OUTCOME.

    I soooooo needed to hear those words myself right now.

    Amanda Gorman, a 22-year-old poet, read an original work “The Hill We Climb” at President Joe Biden’s inauguration on Jan. 20, 2021.

    From her reflection about how she almost declined to be the inaugural poet:

      But though our fears may be the same, we are not. If nothing else, this must be known: Even as we’ve grieved, we’ve grown; even fatigued we’ve found that this hill we climb is one we must mount together. We are battered, but bolder; worn, but wiser. I’m not telling you to not be tired or afraid. If anything, the very fact that we’re weary means we are, by definition, changed; we are brave enough to listen to, and learn from, our fear. This time will be different because this time we’ll be different. We already are.

      And yes, I still am terrified every day. Yet fear can be love trying its best in the dark. So do not fear your fear. Own it. Free it.

    The following exchange took place between Barbara Brodsky and myself, in the chain of email messages about Amanda Gorman’s comments about fear.

    Barbara wrote about her own process of caring for her husband the past 4 years following his stroke. “The almost daily crisis of one sort or another…. higher BP, tension held long-term in my body…. the side effects of that tension (mind less clear, less able to sleep, living always on crisis mode, almost like PTSD….”

    I wrote to Barbara:

      Oh, Barbara, your words express my experience! And this is with things going well! Each moment (for both John and me) is PRODUCING compassion. I have greater compassion for your process with Hal through this.

      I had awareness yesterday doing yoga of how much I had not given credit to my yoga instructor. Her husband passed just before Covid and she was in lockdown during the throes of her grief. She had cared for him for 13 years….

      I am not alone in this…. I think of Ellen Hummel navigating all she is.

      I have too much awareness to feel sorry for myself or take this personally, but it is HARD.

      I feel the tears coming now. Just saying that is kindness.

      Nothing operates in a vacuum. “This” stress is not isolated from the tension of navigating political differences over the past 15 years.

      It is not isolated from the stress of having Covid when John’s brother suffered the abdominal aortic aneurysm, and passed. Not isolated from packing my family home at age 10.

      But — and this is a huge BUT, I see gifts in all of it.

    Someone said we can act ourselves into right thinking easier than we can think ourselves into right acting.

    Barely an hour goes by that something has not triggered that high alarm. I am getting ready right now to go get my Covid booster. John and I were scheduled to get them the day he ended up in the hospital.

    KNOW WHAT YOU FEAR.

    I know what I fear. I fear having a reaction because I had Delta Variant. I fear getting sick and not being able to take care of John.

    AND WHAT YOU DESIRE.

    I know what I desire. I desire having the best chance to not get seriously ill from Covid. I desire feeling well enough to be a helpmate for John. I desire feeling safe in my body.

    Nothing operates in isolation from everything.

    SURRENDER THAT TO THE HIGHEST GOOD.

    Feeling safe in my body now releases all the times in the past when I did not and teaches others to do the same.

    LET GO OF OUTCOME.

    If you are interested in the “FEEL SAFE IN YOUR BODY” tapping wisdom with Nick Ortner, let me know.

    As that alarm is turned down, it is replaced with love and with peace. Notice how that expands.

    I’ve learned so much from all of this….

    As hope expands, as love expands, as gratitude expands, notice how it turns down that alarm.

    Peace is only a word until it lives in your body.

    Turn down that alarm….

  • Kaleidoscope

    Sacred Stories

    She works as a home-health nurse. Visiting with her patient, he was telling her how he and his wife had purchased a kaleidoscope at the local art fair. He would come home from a stressful day at work and turn on relaxation music, kick back in the recliner, and look through the lens of that kaleidoscope. It was sooooooo relaxing.

    He described to her the colored sparkle tubes that would be viewed in myriad patterns of light and color.

    She had never seen or even heard of a kaleidoscope, but her very next patient had one!

    “When you look into a kaleidoscope, you see something beautiful. … It represents the initiative we all must take to sustain beauty in our lives and land in the right place, as life continues to change and we are continuously challenged.”

    That sums up her current life to a “K” for kaleidoscope.

    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

  • Lily

    Sacred Stories

    Lily passed from injuries sustained in the auto accident that had taken her father a few days earlier, in June of 2021.

    That summer, a single coral-colored lily “volunteered” in the yard of her family home.

    Lily flower meanings include beauty, purity, fertility, transformation, rebirth, and devotion.

  • Cervantes

    Sacred Stories

    She was up early again. Grateful she leaned toward being a short sleeper, about 7 hours is perfect for her.

    The Osho Zen Tarot card she drew asking about her husband’s coming home from the hospital was: X Change. It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continually changing, evolving, dying and being reborn.

    She opened an email and read read a daily message sent to her by a friend the previous day:

    Time ripens all things. No man’s born wise.

    ~Miguel de Cervantes

    We come to understand time in a different way. Each day we discover that there is an order to life that is only revealed day-to-day. The moments when life forces us to reconsider our schedule are no longer met with anger and frustration. We begin to trust our Higher Power to actually dictate what will happen in our lives. We find ourselves staying close to people who have developed some measure of humility for they seem to have a better sense of timing.

    What really caught her eye was author’s name: Cervantes.

    Cervantes is the name of the thoracic surgeon who performed her husband’s life-saving open-heart surgery….

  • I Surrender

    Entry from my journal: Tuesday, January 18, 2022 @ 3:37 am:

    Dear Holy Spirit,

    I am awake and in the TV room listening to Karen Drucker’s “I Surrender.”

      I will surrender to my greatest highest good.

      I will release every fear that’s in my way…

      and I am grateful every moment of every day.

    I spoke with my doctor late last evening. I had called because my blood pressure had spiked the past few days. At home in my pantry is a prescription bottle of an anti-anxiety medication she prescribed for me in 2017 when this had happened. I took one once, and I have carried one with me in my purse every day since. I took 1/2 on Sunday, and 1/2 on Monday, but the pressure was still elevated when Linda B/G checked it last evening.

    I love that my doctor knows my blood pressure goes up because of anxiety, rather than thinking it is organic. When she prescribed the anti-anxiety medication in 2017, she said, “Anxiety driven blood pressure doesn’t respond well to the classes of medications normally used to lower blood pressure.” And that list is long: Diuretics; Beta-blockers; ACE inhibitors; and Vasodilators, just to name a few.

    Of course, John’s recent experience of having had severe “silent” coronary artery disease (CAD) has triggered my childhood pattern of being terrified of all things medical. Now that we are home and things are moving along smoothly, this current tremendous anxiety is a result of my having just gone through everything with him. Waking up early Saturday morning to not-one-but-two tornado warnings blasting on our phones probably added insult to injury…

    My doctor said she is not worried about me. She has years of good blood pressure readings taken in her office by her nurse. She assured me they have done research about the spouse of a heart patient going through this sort of thing.

    I took 1/2 of one 2mg Valium (with permission) and I went to bed optimistic about getting a good night’s sleep. I went to sleep, but I woke up in massive ANXIETY. While there were no conscious thoughts of scary things, I could feel my body in high alert, totally overrun with adrenaline.

    I grabbed my phone, popped in my earbuds, and began tapping along with some Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) audios. After a couple of shorts — including Tapping Universal Reversals — without much measurable benefit. Then I tapped through FEELING SAFE IN YOUR BODY with Nick Ortner. During the 6 minute 50 second closing I began to feel a shift. I repeated that part. I repeated it again. And again.

    Conditions came to mind: womb trauma when my mom had syphilis and was a terrified inpatient; being traumatized by hospitalization in isolation after the diagnosis of polio at age five; the out-of-body experience at age 12 when I was in the auto accident; the terror I felt during the trip to Europe in 2011. An avalanche of more minor situations that reveal the deeper structure of anxiety also came forth in my mind. When one is driven by amygdala hijacking, even choosing the ‘right’ color of paint can feel like a life-or-death situation.

    I felt my body releasing the pattern and welcoming bliss back.

    My niece, who has recently shared her life-long struggle with anxiety and depression, came to my mind over and over. I had said to John a few day ago I was feeling like I need to reach out to her.

    My nephew, who has used drugs to combat severe anxiety, resulting in his having multiple incarcerations, came to mind.

    And so many others….

    I began listening to the Surrogate Tapping audio, and I said out loud to myself, “I dedicate the merit of this to all who suffer from anxiety…” Jesica Ortner’s words encircled my body and soothed my mind:

    …. This is a blessing in disguise and I am so grateful…. I let go of my need to control this situation….

    I can feel some hints of integration as I listen.

    ….As I heal in the presence of darkness, we are all uplifted….

    I wonder if this pattern of fear and anxiety might actually be a part of our collective divine mission.

    ….I no longer live the lie; the lie that I don’t have what it takes; the lie that others don’t have what it takes….

    I can still hear the refrain of Karen Drucker singing I surrender to my greatest highest good in the background of my mind’s ear. I can feel myself breathing! I look and my heart rate on my Fitbit is showing 67 beats per minute!

    My grandson, Brad, comes to mind. He has spoken of his own awareness of this pattern of anxiety-driven achievement.

    ….This person has what it takes to have what they want….I have faith that this person I love will do what’s right for them. The outcome is greater than I could have ever imagined so I let go of my need to predict. I let go of my need to control. Everything is in divine order. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise.

    When the surrogate tapping audio is finished, I open my email and read two “Thought-for-today” messages that speak directly to my current experience.

    Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now. ~ Lin-Manuel Miranda (from Gratefulness.org)

    Get to know fear. What is fear? It’s very interesting. Fear is always about what might happen, not much about what’s happening right now. When you’re present in the moment there may be discomfort, even real pain or sadness, but not a lot of fear. Fear is about your projections. ~ Aaron (from Deep Spring Center for Meditation)

    And when I turn on the computer to write this Yellow Brick Road post, this is the random screen saver image I am looking at. And I surrender to my greatest highest good….

  • The Radiance of the Outside World

    Thought for Today

    If you live in the moment with fear,
    ‘What if this doesn’t work? What if that happens?’,
    your fear contracts your energy field.

    When thusly contracted, the light can’t pour out of you.

    Equally important, you are armored and the radiance of the outside world cannot pour in.
    ~ Aaron

    From my journal this morning:

      Dear Holy Spirit,

      I went to bed early. John stayed up later and when he came to bed I got awake and was restless. Knowing we both need rest, I went in to the guest bedroom.

      I did an internet search of coughing after bypass surgery. Some said it could last weeks and that it is very much a beneficial part of the healing and recovery.

      I listened to the tapping audio by Dawson Church and fell asleep.

      I looked at my watch the first time at 1:13 and saw that the date was January 13. That silly coincidence of it being 1:13 on 1/13 captured my attention.

      Earlier in the evening John had dozed off in the recliner in the TV room. He was so still…. I spoke his name softly. He did not respond. I called his name a bit more loudly. Nothing!

      So, I rubbed his leg, saying his name gently until he woke up. I said, “Sorry to wake you up. I was nervous.”

      A few days ago he moaned in the bathroom and scared me. A yawn, a moan, a grown…. a grunt…. a sigh, even silence all carries with it a dab of dread. He seems to understand how care and concern has blown itself into a sort of hyper-vigilance.

      How long might this rob me of the full joy and relief of these moments we are blessed with?

      None of us are promised anything more.

      Is this enough?

      Will I discard the gift of this sweet bliss in the field of forever fear?

      I hope not.

    I also saw the clock at 3:13! In Europe, they put the date before the month.

    I got up at 5:55 and this day has had moments of feeling almost normal.

    “Courage is being scared to death … and saddling up anyway.” — John Wayne

  • 5 Pounds

    Sacred Stories

    He came home from the hospital with a strict “no lifting anything over five pounds” until after his post-surgical recheck that was still a couple of weeks away.

    In a few days, as he gained some strength, he wondered aloud how much his guitar weighs.

    His wife carried the guitar into the bathroom, sat it down, stepped on the scale.

    Stepping off the scale, she picked up his guitar and stepping back on she calculated the difference.

    His guitar — a treasured (and VERY generous) gift from his life-long music buddy — weighed in at exactly 5 pounds!

  • PICC Line

    Sacred Stories

    Christopher, the OR nurse finished checking the patient’s PICC line.

    A peripherally inserted central catheter, also called a PICC line, is a long, thin tube that’s inserted through a vein.

    As he headed out the door, Christopher paused, turned, and shared an experience.

    “I am not a religious person, ” he began. “But one day I was trying to get a PICC line in a patient. It was not going well.”

    “Suddenly I had a palpable feeling of arms reaching around behind my back.”

    “It was as though I was watching someone else’s hands as that PICC line went right in….”

  • Cervantes

    Sacred Stories

    One month into their four-month snowbird season, her husband had emergency CABG – coronary artery bypass grafting. They had no idea he had extensive coronary artery disease.

    She anticipated he would be discharged from the hospital today. Catching up on email, a message from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations* their friend sent to her the previous day caught her attention. The author of the opening quotation leapt off the page.

    Time ripens all things. No man’s born wise.

    ~ Miguel de Cervantes

    Cervantes is the name of the surgeon who did her husband’s open-heart surgery!

    We come to understand time in a different way. Each day we discover that there is an order to life that is only revealed day-to-day. The moments when life forces us to reconsider our schedule are no longer met with anger and frustration. We begin to trust our Higher Power to actually dictate what will happen in our lives. We find ourselves staying close to people who have developed some measure of humility for they seem to have a better sense of timing.

  • See Cashier

    Sacred Stories

    She stopped to get gas. Her husband was in a hospital about an hour’s drive away.

    She inserted her credit card, punched in the ZIP code, and got the “See Cashier” message. She tried her debit card and it also said “See Cashier.”

    When she went in to the station, the cashier told her she had put in the wrong ZIP Code. The woman said, “We always notify the credit union and change to the Florida ZIP code for the time we’re here. I put in the Florida ZIP code.”

    As the cashier was running the prepayment amount, the woman said, “You know how people tell you inappropriate things? I’m on the way to the hospital because my husband may have had a heart attack.”

    The cashier said she would pray for him. Handing the woman the receipt the cashier looked right into the woman’s face and said, “You have such beautiful eyes.”

    The woman’s emotions were right on the edge, and she immediately teared up.

    Oblivious that there were people lined up, the cashier burst out, “Oh, you need a hug!” as she shot out from behind the counter, put her arms around the woman, and gave her a hug.

    During the embrace, lips up against the woman’s ear, that cashier whispered a prayer. “Dear Lord, be with this woman today and let all her news be good news.”

    She had been using the Florida ZIP code on both of those cards for a month already.

    Walking out the door she said over her shoulder, “It wasn’t about a credit card not working.”

    The cashier replied, “God works in mysterious ways.”