On Friday I could feel that my blood pressure was high. I began to affirm: I choose to release this pattern within me that has contributed to this situation.

Boom!

I am 12 years old again — August 1962 — in the auto accident with my dad. I am reliving all the terror at the scene. I allow myself to feel the feelings. I begin to cry out, “Daddy, are you OK?” and to no one in particular, “Make them stop!” asking them to make the sirens stop.

Listening to an interview with Iyanla Vanzant on Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/tapping), I put the blood pressure cuff on my arm and took my blood pressure.

I did that over and over as I invited release of this life-time pattern of fear.

My dad’s feet were in the floorboard on the driver’s side of the car, but shattered flesh from my forehead prevented my being able to see them. To the best of my memory, I did not see my dad until a day or so later when he came to the hospital to see me.

I allowed myself emotional space to cry out as I tapped.

Ilyana says one must expand and increase our emotional library. Jessica Ortner (The Tapping Solution) said it is about developing a vocabulary so we can speak out. “This is the feeling I’m having right now. I’ll get through this but right now this is what I am feeling.”

I wrote in my journal: “I am mourning. I’m feeling something from when I was five years old.”

And, “I forgive myself for believing that ______ still has power over my life.”

I took 1/2 of one of the anxiety pills my doctor prescribed.

I tapped a lot.

I cried some.

On Saturday, John had an off day and that intersected with my heightened state. We were neither truly skillful, but this morning we were both able to speak compassionately and affirm our loving connection.

Jerry Ashmore’s dharma talk was about how the Heart Sutra is a conceptual torpedo in that it demolishes dualism. Jerry said, “Every time you think you are isolated, you are delusional.”

“Form is emptiness (śūnyatā), emptiness is form.” (from the English Heart Sutra)

Nothing lasts forever. We know that. But…. as Ilanya describes it, every time we revisit the story we punish ourselves.

During the sharing after the meditation and the dharma talk one woman was saying how she was having difficulty getting free of rumination and depression. Jerry said, “The witness is free. No anxiety, no fear, no hatred.”

Totally free.

Jerry spoke about a holon. A holon is something that is simultaneously a whole in and of itself, as well as a part of a larger whole. He said each of us is a holon, simultaneously a whole as well as a part of a larger whole.

I passed along Thich Nhat Hanh’s MANTRA FOR DEALING WITH STRONG EMOTIONS:

Make sure you remember to physically “BREATHE IN” or “BREATHE OUT” at the appropriate place when reciting each line; as the actual breath in or out is part of activating the Energy.

The “operative word” of the Mantra replaces the strong emotion being worked on, with its appropriate name: Fear, Anger, Anxiety, Impatience, Judgment of self or others, etc. The example uses the word Fear. Good to remember that sometimes anger is an unknown component of the fear a person may be holding, because they have not been able to control or Fix It.

Breathing In, I am aware of the fear,

Breathing Out, I smile to the fear (yes, these are the appropriate words);

Breathing In, I recognize fear as Energy,

Breathing Out, I express Gratitude for Energy;

Breathing In, Energy and Fear are Power,

Breathing Out, I can safely hold Power;

Breathing In, Power supports Wholesome Change,

Breathing Out, I Invite That, which is for The Highest Good!

I am not sure we ever talked about it so I can only imagine my dad’s terror at the scene.

My dad I I are simultaneously a whole as well as a part of a larger whole.

Breathing Out, I Invite That, which is for The Highest Good!

Holy holons!