Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: life and death

  • Birthday Photos

    Sacred Stories

    The daughter of her mom’s friend sent some old photos. In one of the photos were her mom, her dad, and her sister, along with the woman who sent the photos and that woman’s brother.



    The second photo was a more recent photo of her mom’s friend, who had transitioned April 1 just last year.

    She immediately recognized the timing as a direct message from their parents in spirit.

    The daughter of her mom’s friend had no idea the day of the sending and receiving of the photos was her dad’s birthday….

  • The Carriage House

    Sacred Stories

    She had collected match books for aeons. Some of them she does not remember where they came from, and most of them she actually cares nothing about at all any more. She will use them to light a candle every once in a while. She keeps some of them in a fish bowl in the dining room of their home.



    This morning a book of matches from The Carriage House was right on top of the bowl. The Carriage House is a fine dining establishment in South Bend, Indiana.


    She was flooded with memories. She and her husband had a memorable dinner-date at The Carriage House very early in their relationship.

    She took the book of matches out of the bowl and added them to a special “box of memories” which also holds love letters from her husband, who passed away just two months ago….

  • Distinction

    Buttering my bread, I wonder if I will run out of either or both before this is over. I notice the habit pattern of the worry brain. Will John continue to have cream for his coffee?

    Being comfortable or satiated will end long before risk of malnutrition or starvation.

    Questioning the ethics of having someone deliver food to me: my desire to have my favorite tea overriding the safety or even the life of another.

    Last evening, choking on a piece of anniversary steak, not quite able to swallow (even saliva) for a few seconds, compassion for those dying from this virus without breath flooded my body.

    COVID-19.

    Tucked within all of this inconvenience is such tender truth. I am at this moment still among the more fortunate. I am not separate from anything that is happening, although I am insulated from the worst of it.

    Remembering a small book I read about the children orphaned by the bombing raids of World War II. “Someone had the idea of sending each child to bed with a piece of bread to hold. Bread, real food to hold. And they could finally sleep because they knew that they would wake up and have something to eat in the morning.” (See Sleeping with Bread: Holding What Gives You Life, by Dennis Linn.)

    Perhaps I should sleep with a favorite bag of tea.

    When I exit the master bedroom, having been on Zoom with my writing group, John has made egg salad. I say, “Oh, Honey, I wish you hadn’t used the eggs. Did you not hear me say I had found a couple cans of tuna in the cupboard?”

    “I didn’t want tuna,” he snapped. “We can get more eggs.”

    “How are we going to do that?” I ask.

    “You can call and have deliveries made. They will deliver food right to your door.”

    Whether his tone, words, or energy, I feel and inquire, “Are you annoyed with me?”

    “I am,” he admits, as he walks out of the kitchen.

    I take the lump in my throat back with me to the master bedroom where my laptop is and I put my fingers on the keyboard.

    Breathe….

    Earlier this morning I had a phone conversation about the ethics of going to the bank to make a deposit. It is a rather large check. It felt safer to do what was familiar: to go to the bank. Safer for all sentient beings?

    Whose lives are put on the line to deliver our eggs to the grocery store, to move them from the grocery store to the people who order them from their safe shelter?

    I feel that familiar tension—sadness— of sharing life with those who view the world so differently. I am so mad at him for his self-centered world view. It frightens me. In that feeling, I gently witness the sense of “selfing” I have created again.

    No individual “I” is separate, neither are “mine” exempt.

    The pandemic will end more easily as I see the truth about this distinction….

  • Slow-Lee

    Sacred Stories

    She had been very recently widowed, now navigating her life without her husband of many decades. Responsibilities which had been shared by two, now sat on her shoulders, including tending to a new will.

    And now she was really feeling ALONE with all of her normal outside activities cancelled to help stop the spread of COVID-19.

    She and her good friend were both currently “safe sheltering” but would speak on the phone daily to draw support. The previous day they had each had a time of tears.

    “I had a dream last night,” she said. “Every time I used the incorrect grammar in my class saying slow where I should have used the adverb slowly, a voice would add the LY.”

    “Oh, if that were my dream,” her friend excitedly burst forth, “that would be your husband coming through letting you know you do not have to worry about doing everything perfectly. He is still helping you. You are still working as a team.”

    She said slowly, “His middle name is LEE….”

  • 555

    Sacred Stories

    Two days earlier he had awoken at 5:55 am.

    Notification of a message from a dear friend (in an earlier time zone) came through to his phone this morning at 5:55 am.

    His friend’s message said: We are being asked to love the virus (a sentient being) and say to it, “Thank you, Teacher, for bringing all the planet together. We have made a vow to do no harm. You may not harm us without harming yourself. If you killed us all off, you would destroy yourself. Soften…. release… make this healthy for all.”

    His friend’s message had included a link for Kathy Mattea’s singing, “Come From the Heart.”

    He knows “angel numbers” have meaning. He had listened to a broadcast on Tuesday evening in which the significance of three fives had been mentioned in another context.

    An online source says 3 fives means that you are going through, or will be going through, a positive change in your life. … It’s a triple number, indicating that number five’s vibrations are also tripled. It usually symbolizes a really big change, so better get ready for it.

  • We Are What We Think

    It is surreal that I posted my previous blog just yesterday. I did say this self-selected social isolation may not last forever, it may just feel that way.

    Actually, I don’t really mind the solitude. Last evening Barbara Brodsky asked our Dharma Path group to notice how very little is different about this from retreat, which we all love.

    Well, one difference is that on retreat we have no news.

    The Awakened Heart group was asked to ponder these points:

    1. Please reflect on some ways you are able to ground yourselves in Love even with the fears and other emotions brought forth by Covid-19.

    2. How can we each become a true power of Love in our present world, offering the expressions of Love to help release suffering?

    3. “We are what we think; with our thoughts we make the world.” (Dhammapada)

    4. What if the whole world were to shift from negative, fear-based thoughts about this virus, into a strong, clear compassion?

    5. How does our practice help?

    6. How to we practice with fear and anxiety?

    Aaron says a high vibration makes your energy field like Teflon, so the virus is unable to stick.

    People Quarantined in Italy Join Together In Song From Balconies During Coronavirus Lockdown.


    In California they are calling it “safe sheltering.” One friend said they scheduled a noon concert on their street. They arranged a playlist and everyone came out on their porches and played their instruments.

    I am going to suggest virtual playing of “Farkle/10,000” with friends Linda and Larry. We can each have our set of five dice and we can be on FaceTime or Zoom for the game. Like safe sex, it is a game where everyone wins….

    We are what we think. With out minds we make the world.

    Let’s get creative to see how many ways you can find to keep joy and fun and lightheartedness alive to balance the inconvenience and fear.

  • What Am I Willing To Do?

    After reading a rather long article related to the spread of COVID-19 I am pondering what I am willing to do for the good of all: Don’t Test, Don’t Tell — 10 Days Later.

    Jim Koopman is an epidemiologist. Jim and his wife, Helen, host the meditation group that meets on Pine Island with Sheilana Massey. I sent the article to Jim this morning asking him the question, “Would this be over by everyone in the world totally isolating for 14 days?”

    Here is Jim’s response and a link about him.

    If you had absolutely perfect social distancing, where no one went out and touched things contaminated by cases, a couple weeks would work. We don’t know how effective our social distancing is. But we are hoping to cut transmission in half. If we could do that, the basic reproduction number would be about that of a typical seasonal flu epidemic with an established strain. But no one is expecting we will do that well. This experience, however, is going to tell us a lot about how infections spread in different parts of our population if we can only get really good testing soon and conduct extensive serological surveys with extensive behavioral and social data.

    Jim Koopman MD MPH Developing Theory that Serves the Public Health

    This morning I asked John to read the article before going to shuffleboard as he had planned. I reminded him I can only be as safe as he is willing to be. No one is an island. We are all in this together.

    Without fear, guided by entirely by compassion and wisdom, we can ask ourselves simply, “What am I willing to do for the good of all?”

    Kathy Zerler and I have committed to sharing a daily yoga practice via phone. Many organizations offering meditation, worship, and/or fitness classes, are opening up Zoom or Facebook Live gatherings. We are capable of staying connected, even while we are guided to practice “perfect social distancing” for the good of all.

    Today, my meditation teacher, Barbara Brodsky, is bringing her husband home. Hal had a severe stroke two years ago and has been in a nursing home. Facilities are restricting those coming in and out to limit risk to an already vulnerable population. Barbara knows without access to his care team, Hal would be sentenced to bed, without therapy of any kind. As many of you know, Barbara is deaf and since the stroke Hal has been unable to use sign language.

    Barbara’s message this morning about bringing Hal home: “Challenging, scary and wonderful!”

    Yes, these times are challenging, scary and WONDERful….

  • One

    Much of my life I have felt out-of-step with much of the world. Decades before smoking in public places was banned, I put up a “Thank You For Not Smoking” sign on my door. Some friends—even some family members—refused to come over.

    The Way of the Wolf: The Gospel in New Images by Martin Bell was first published in 1968. “What the Wind Said to Thajir” is about a young boy, Thajir, who goes out to play and the wind speaks to him. This is what the wind said:

    “Regardless of what anyone else tells you, regardless even of what your own experience might lead you to believe, everything that is, is good. At the center of things, life belongs to life.”

    You can hear a delightful reading of the short, significant story by Obi.

    The wind went on, “Regardless of what anyone else may ever tell you, regardless even of what your own experience might lead you to believe, you are everyone who ever was, and everyone who ever will be. You are the whole of creation—past, present, and future. Decisions that you make today, in what is called the here and the now, will validate or invalidate everything that has gone before, and make possible or impossible everything that is to come. Anything that hurts anyone, hurts you. Anything that helps anyone, helps you. It is not possible to gain from another’s loss, or to lose from another’s gain. Your life is immensely important. Everything depends upon you.”

    You must listen to hear what the wind said about destiny and hopelessness overcoming joy….

    Messages of hope and a choice to feel joy, especially in the wake of COVID-19 in March of 2020, are immensely important. Joy depends upon you.

    Here is a photo of the order to cease doing business in Michigan. Bars, restaurants, fitness centers, theaters…. all mandated to close through the end of the month!




    This sort of disruption of daily life for WEEKS is unprecedented for those who live in the U.S. We have never hidden in the attic from the Nazi’s. We have been spared genocide. Our idea of starving has been being late for dinner.

    The financial impact is worldwide. The shared humanity is world wide. We will get through this…. and good can come from it.

    In the Christian New Testament, the letter to the Romans, Chapter 8, Verse 28, we read: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

    The wind told Thajir everything that is, is good. How in the name of heaven can we call this pandemic good? By finding the good within.

    David Wagoner wrote “Lost” in 1999, and it is perfect for 2020:

    Lost

    Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
    Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
    And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
    Must ask permission to know it and be known.
    The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
    I have made this place around you.
    If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
    No two trees are the same to Raven.
    No two branches are the same to Wren.
    If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
    You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
    Where you are. You must let it find you.

    — David Wagoner
    (1999)

    Pamela Chappell, recorded a CD titled, “One” and in the title song by that name she sings, “What if we are one? What if we are angels sent to one another? What difference would it make every day in the world?”

    For the very first time in human history, we know the truth of Thajir’s wind. Humanity is one.

    Draw from the depths of your faith, intelligence, kindness, wisdom, and compassion. Your life is immensely important. Everything depends upon you.

  • Out of Control

    Hearing Barbara Brodsky speak candidly about her husband, Hal, being so very vulnerable in the nursing home. What if the facility goes on lockdown and he can’t have the therapy so desperately needed. She wonders if she should bring him home. “I want to know. I don’t know. Does anybody know?”

    Barbara hears Aaron, “Come back into your heart. What does your heart tell you? What is the most loving thing in this moment? How can you do what you need to do without panic?”

    We are in a place of “DON’T KNOW.”

    This is the sympathetic nervous system, and this system has no “immune” system. This is the most vulnerable space during the global crisis related to COVID-19, because it is the most vulnerable space related to everything.

    Life feels out of control. But is it really any more out of control than life itself simply is? Nothing inner has really changed, even though many outer conditions have changed.

    Hand sanitizer is difficult to find. Rubber gloves are out of stock. Even medications necessary for survival are in short supply.

    These conditions are current.

    School closings, restricted travels, stock market reactions, global focus on COVID-19…. these conditions are current.

    You cannot directly change the outer conditions.

    As my fingers float across the keyboard I am watching the video of our Dharma Path class from March 10, 2020. I am including some of Aaron’s words in quotations below.

    “Everything will change and again and again….”

    “Your attitude, your energy—you have control over that much…”

    “When you are honest with yourself, this is where you have control…”

    What is out of control is the fear. This is not a new condition for humans. Fear is so familiar it feels natural, but it is neither natural nor healthy.

    “What can one person do? Look at the fear…. beyond fear, almost panic…”

    “Unconscious fear is just adding fuel to the fire….”

    “Talk about your fears in a nonjudgmental way….”

    My dear friend and yoga teacher, Kathy, and I were sharing such gratitude for our yoga practice. Yoga is mindful movement. The body is different every time you come to the mat. Your practice is to stay aware and to move from within.

    Earlier this morning, upon the draw, the poker machine gave me a straight.


    “We all want certainty….”

    “Everybody wants to be healthy and have their loved ones healthy….”

    “It is one world…. You wanted the problem to be their problem.”

    “Whatever is happening to a baby on the other side of the world is happening to you….”

    Life is a poker machine. You can only play the cards you are dealt. You know the game. You know what to save.

    “How can I handle this in the most loving way….”

    “Any virus is still a sentient being in some degree. It may not speak your language but it works with energy just as you do….
    When enough of you come together and say, ‘No, you may not take over and kill.’…. Start speaking to the virus. ‘If you attack us and we die, you will die….’ Said in love, not in hatred and disgust. ‘Every sentient being deserves happiness.’ Praying for this virus. Is anybody here praying for the virus that it may have well-being without destroying others? This is where it starts…. The next step for the higher conscious of humans….”

    The following poem was written on 3/11/2020 Lynn Ungarhttp://www.lynnungar.com/about/ Barbara Brodsky sent the poem to our class. It is timely, poignant, and clear.

    Pandemic

    What if you thought of it
    as the Jews consider the Sabbath—
    the most sacred of times?
    Cease from travel.
    Cease from buying and selling.
    Give up, just for now,
    on trying to make the world
    different than it is.
    Sing. Pray. Touch only those
    to whom you commit your life.
    Center down.
    And when your body has become still,
    reach out with your heart.
    Know that we are connected
    in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
    (You could hardly deny it now.)
    Know that our lives
    are in one another’s hands.
    (Surely, that has come clear.)
    Do not reach out your hands.
    Reach out your heart.
    Reach out your words.
    Reach out all the tendrils
    of compassion that move, invisibly,
    where we cannot touch.
    Promise this world your love–
    for better or for worse,
    in sickness and in health,
    so long as we all shall live.
    –Lynn Ungar 3/11/20

    “Unless you do not take care of the world’s population, you cannot take care of yourself and your family….”

    “Holding hands with your comrades and asking where is love here…. Thank you for coming as a teacher…. Now we are learning what we need to learn….”

    “You are here to help the consciousness of earth to a higher consciousness….”

    “I cannot destroy with hate to support love….”

    “You are capable of this….”

    “You have the ability to handle whatever comes with love….”

  • How the $%^#

    Sacred Stories

    It had been seven weeks since her husband’s passing.

    As she settled onto her mat to teach the yoga class she heard herself speaking truthfully about how challenging it was becoming to have people keep asking her, “How are you doing?”

    She immediately felt remorse, hoping not to seem ungrateful for the support and care. She truly valued that.

    After class she overheard one of the students mention having just watched a movie, Wild Oats, about a recent widow. Eva, played by Shirley MacLaine, had blurted out, “How the $%^# do you think I am doing, my husband just died!”

    On her way home from yoga class, she stopped to drop off tax information. The receptionist said, “So, are you tired of people asking you how you are doing?”

    That woman, too, had been a widow.

    She told her about the line in Wild Oats and they shared a good laugh.

    It feels soooooo good to be understood….