Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: encouragement

  • I Love You, Daddy!

    Today is my dad’s re-birth day. Daddy had a fatal heart attack while rototilling his garden on May 7, 1992. He had pulled his old truck up to the edge of the garden and would do one row down-and-back, then sit in the truck to rest a bit before doing the next row. I think he knew his heart was blocked again but he was not willing to do more aggressive treatment and he was not going to stop doing what he loved doing, even if it killed him.

    As my fingers dance across the keyboard, I have greater insight into my nervousness when I catch John sitting and resting during his working out in the yard time. A flood of compassion comes into my heart for me, and for all humans navigating this moment with the memory of former moments trailing a blaze of glory across our synapses.

    This brings to mind natural horsemanship as taught by Pat Perelli. You are as kind as you can be. To begin, with your horse on a lead rope, lift up your hand and wiggle just your index finger at him as you give him the look that means you mean business. When you wiggle your finger, the lead rope shouldn’t move at all. If that does not get what you want, close your fingers on the rope and shake just your wrist. The rope should move a little, but it shouldn’t make the halter move at all. (Keep giving him ‘the look.’) If that does not produce the desired result, lock your wrist tight and bend your arm at the elbow. Move your forearm back and forth. This should cause the rope and the halter to move so your horse can now feel it quite a bit. Only if this does not work, lock your arm really straight and swing your entire arm from your shoulder joint. Your horse will really feel this, as the rope and the halter are moving hard. And most importantly, as soon as your horse takes even one little step–at any phase–stop immediately and relax your body. This is how he will know that he did the right thing.

    But how do we know when we have done the right thing???

    Yesterday, I did some drawing and writing after I became aware of a thought that “I would have expected myself to have had more awareness.” You have likely heard the phrase that the beatings will continue until morale improves? Well, that idea has big implications for each of us.

    These are the words on my page:

    Life is disorienting. You long for rules so you can always be sure what is the right way. It does not work that way. You are always making major decisions with insufficient data. (See An Eschatological Laundry list: A Partial Register of the 927 (or was in 928?) Eternal Truths, by Sheldon Kopp, 1974) You base past choices on present understanding. Notice how freeing it is for you to rest in the truth that people always make the best choices available to them at that moment in those conditions. Relax. Trust. Forgive. Release.

    I included Brugh Joy’s injunctions: Make no judgements. Make no comparisons. Delete the need to understand.

    And then I added ALL IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.

    Daddy, I am glad your spiritual being helped me to recognize you are here with me even if it looks like you are gone. People do leave their bodies, but they do not leave their loved ones. I am especially grateful you were the way my heart came to truly know that the grace of god is more gracious than any religion or dogma. I love you, Daddy.

  • Ferdinand’s Clock

    Ferdinand was born in April, 1906. His father bought a beautiful mantel clock to celebrate the birth of his first child. This clock took place of honor in the family home, unobtrusively marking the hours. It followed Ferdinand to his marriage home where the clock continued to serve the household.

    Our Dad, Ferdinand, was a quietly spiritual man, unobtrusively going about his days living out the teachings of Jesus. We three kids and a flock of grandkids learned from his quiet example how to live our lives.

    In January, 1979, Ferdinand went to his well-deserved eternal reward. Less than a week later the clock stopped working. No clockmaker has been able to successfully mend it. But it is still cherished.

    We’re still learning from him.

    “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

    ~ from Hamlet, by William Shakespeare 

    (Ferdinand’s Clock was written and submitted to Sacred Stories by Barbara Darling.)

  • Woman Doctor in a Floral Dress

    Her mother was elderly, in a care facility, and not enjoying quality of life. She knew her mother was experiencing a lot of fear of dying.

    One morning when she went to visit her mother, her mother told her a woman doctor in a floral dress had come the previous evening and sat with her and answered all of her questions about dying and she was not afraid anymore.

    One week later, her mother passed in perfect peace.

    She told a friend, “I went to the office that morning to ask what doctor had visited with my mom and helped her through such a difficult time. I was told that no one had visited my mom the previous evening. I know that the woman doctor in a floral dress was an angel….”

    Forget not to show love unto strangers:
    for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
    Hebrews 3:2

  • Unique But Not Separate

    At the end of their Zoom online meditation, the meditation host shared a rich experience she had while on retreat the previous week. It started with an annoying beep from the smoke detector that was not corrected by the facility maintenance crew. After a few days it was resolved, but the distraction had allowed a profound inner experience of a piercing of light.

    One of the other individuals online shared some of his previous experiences.

    Gratitude for the host’s sharing was expressed.

    Then the last person’s sharing was a bit more abstract. “It is like I am not having a separate experience but more of a simultaneous awareness,” ending with the use of a kaleidoscope as an example.

    When she logged off from the meditation, this text from a Zen group popped in:

      The Heart Sutra then proclaims that “FORM DOES NOT DIFFER FROM EMPTINESS!”

      Another word for form is dharma, lower case. All ” things” are dharmas and they are all empty of any separate existence. They are unique but not separate.

      We are unique but not separate from our planet, Universe, and each other.

    She sent the words of wisdom from the Heart Sutra to the others who had been at the meditation.

    So we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.
    -Romans 12:5

  • Horses Have Frogs

    When their friend stopped at their house for her husband to check out the friend’s computer, the friend was in a surprisingly jovial mood.

    “I learned something new,” he told her.

    “Oh, yeah, what did you learn?” she quipped back.

    “Horses have frogs.”

    She laughed and told him he was absolutely correct about that. Her husband looked at them with some suspicion as they thoroughly enjoyed their shared fun. The frog is a part of a horse hoof, located on the underside, which should touch the ground if the horse is standing on soft footing. See: Frog (horse anatomy)

    That evening their friend had a massive stroke, and about 24 hours later he passed.

    As she was walking her horse in the barn that afternoon, her horse high stepped over something. Looking at the ground she thought at first it was a rock the horse had stepped over. Upon closer inspection, she saw that her horse had stepped carefully over this very unusual looking FROG!

    She knew instantly it was a greeting from their friend.

    Yes, Richard, horses have frogs….

    A perfect message of eternal love.

  • Blue Feather


    Opening Quotation by Julie Clapp

    “When you believe beyond
    what your eyes can see
    signs from heaven show up to remind you
    love never dies.”

    Blue Feather by Barbara Darling

    After his untimely death at age 40 in 2009, Barbara’s son made himself known, comforting his sister and his dad. “Why not me?” she wondered. He wouldn’t abandon me. Maybe it’s me; maybe I’m so angry about his death I’m not able to receive his messages.

    A year later she was about to open the door to the pottery studio when she heard a bird noisily drawing her attention. Looking up she saw blue jay, wings flapping, jumping frenetically from branch to branch. She saw the hawk sitting on another branch, quietly focusing on her, conveying a sense of tranquility and peace.

    As she and hawk locked eyes, a feather drifted down from blue jay, landing momentarily on her heart space.


    Tears fell silently from her eyes. Her son made a commotion to get her attention and then gently let her know all was good with him. She was left with a profound sense of tranquility.

  • Spider Message

    Early one morning I received a text message asking what manual the method for removing phobias such as fear of spiders was in. “Healing with Language, starting on page 236,” I wrote and then continued, “I also like to share the totem meaning afterwards. I was HORRIFICALLY afraid of spider. Look at the totem meaning!”

    If you have Spider Totem Animal, you can be inventive, creative, tenacious and have a strong wit. You may know how to influence others and may have a good sense of the larger patterns all around you. Finally, Spider is a communicator – writers very often have a Spider totem. (From: WhatIsMySpiritualAnimal.com)

    “How cool is that!!! A couple of weeks ago she shared with me that she wants to work on her writing skills.”

    “My overall number is 2 in numerology – Number II is The High Priestess in The Animal Wise Tarot by Ted Andrews — represented by spider! EVERYTHING comes as gift/teacher. We often have to move into and through the fear to see/receive the gift,” I added.

    “Wonder if she subconsciously has brought the spiders’ energy in.”

    “Interestingly, I don’t think of it so much as that she unconsciously brought spider in which is a view of duality – me and not me – but that THE ALL THAT IS manifested as spider to bring the perfect, needed, desired message at the ideal time.”

    God moves in mysterious ways his wonders to perform. ~ Luke 24:16

  • The Birds Still Sing

    We wake up to snow flurries this morning…. so grateful one week ago today we arrived home in Michigan in gorgeous sunshine. We had beautiful warm, sunny days all week. Until yesterday…. and now snow today. But the birds still sing!

    Yesterday John and I went to St. John UCC in New Buffalo where I was guest pastor. When I spoke with Rol about coming I asked him if there was a theme he would most like me to reflect on, and he said he would like an update about our time in Florida. The title was Reflections from Florida: No Victims, Only Volunteers. Here are some notes from the sharing.

    According to Merriam-Webster, “suffering” implies conscious endurance of pain or distress.

    I did not cry a lot, but I did cry often.

    In some ways I am perhaps the least prepared, and in other ways I am perhaps the best prepared for sharing a talk.
    o Easy drive home
    o Most pleasant week of weather we have ever returned to
    o John’s getting sick right after we arrived home (stomach bug)
    o My having a histamine storm a few days later (eyes swollen nearly shut and face on fire)

    For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.
    ~ Dag Hammarskjöld, Grateful Living Word for Today, Gratefulness.org

    Opening Music: “Our Thoughts are Prayers” by Eric Hansen

    Nothing is the same. Disorienting. Collective loss. Hard to stay in the present moment.
    o The view
    o The thoughts
    o The feelings
    o The actions

    For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.

    Reading from: When a Loved One is Suffering

      I will continue to try to help where I can.

    Fortunately “suffering” implies CONSCIOUS endurance of pain or distress.

    o Work day volunteers (each left work on their own damaged or destroyed home to come help at the Civic Center)
    o Cajun Navy (group of boat-owner-turned-first-responder post Katrina that now respond to other post-Hurricane)
    o Christ in Action (demolition of damaged homes free of charge, including removing debris and cleaning site)
    o Nancy’s going with us to make deliveries/buying baked goods and juice (her need to also GIVE)
    o Linda Higbee making dinner for us our last day of deliveries (undergoing cancer treatment this winter as they work to repair the previous rental home that was severely damaged but they purchased post hurricane)

    For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.

    All solutions breed new problems – because both problems and solutions are simply arising and ceasing out of conditions.
    o Linda and Larry creating meals for a family of 8 who still had no stove (or beds) after 4 foot of water surge
    o Birthday blog resulting in the purchase of a stove for the family
    o Joan (owner of Molly, the dog I met) donating a gift certificate, blankets, pillows, canned goods, dry goods
    o Beth and David (Linda’s sister and brother-in-law) buying linens for three of the younger children
    o Basham Bargain Bazzar – not giving away but giving back (awareness when I dropped off precious Indian Tree pattern china I had used and loved for ten years to a friend who’s family had that pattern)

    For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.

    Ed’s gifting me a copy of Jingles’ Promise – meeting Norm and Rochelle. Ed calling this week with the story of Norm’s hiking in Japan.

      Posted April 14, 2023 in Sacred Stories
      Hiking in Japan
      By Debra Basham

      The conversation about traveling to Japan started decades ago when his best friend for over fifty years asked him to accompany him to Japan. He had always said no, but as the years went by it became evident that the challenges of getting older would limit their ability to travel the world, and the chance may never present itself again, so this time he said, “Yes, I’ll go with you.”

      While in Japan he went for a hike and came across a woman on the trail who had taken a spill. A seasoned hiker himself, he had supplies in his pack so he stopped to offer her some first aid. She was not seriously injured.

      He told her he was from Florida, USA. She said she was from Holland – not the city, but the country.

      When he mentioned having previously hiked the Appalachian Trail, she quickly added that she had just read a book about a guy who had done that. “What is the name of the book you read?” he inquired before continuing, “My wife and I recently wrote a book about my trip.”

      “Jingles’ Promise,” she said.

      Reaching into his pack, he pulled out a copy of their book, Jingles’ Promise: A Father’s Quest for Truth on the Appalachian Trail.

      “This is our book,” he was holding up a copy of Jingles’ Promise. “I am Jingles,” he said broadly smiling. They were both so moved by their having made this connection!

      “How did you find out about the book?” he asked.

      “A friend from another country in Europe told me about it.”

      What are the odds these two individuals — he from Florida and she from Holland — would be hiking at the same time and in the same place in Japan?

      They were standing on holy ground. They saw the significance. Even if they had been hiking there at the same time they likely would never have made the connection if she had not taken the spill.

      They could both see clearly there is no “chance” experience….

      Though he and his wife had done nothing to promote their book, here he was hiking in Japan and meets a woman from Holland — not the city but the country — who had learned about Jingles’ Promise from a friend in another country in Europe.

      Amazing….

      (ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF JINGLES’ PROMISE WILL BE DONATED TO HELP PEOPLE RECOVERING FROM TRAUMA AND LOSS.)

    Closing Music: “This is My Father’s World” by Amy Grant

    Let us pray. “Suffering” implies conscious endurance of pain or distress – knowing there are no victims, only volunteers – remembering there are no “chance” experiences – continuing to try to help where we can – for all that has been, giving thanks, and for all that shall be, saying yes. Mark Nepo said joy is the transformation of our suffering, not the escape of all we have to face. Amen.

    So today is cold and snowy. The weather conditions of our lives change. We navigate challenging conditions, pleasant conditions, neutral conditions. It is not what happens to us that is most important. It is how we respond to what happens.


    The birds still sing….

  • Hiking in Japan

    The conversation about traveling to Japan started decades ago when his best friend for over fifty years asked him to accompany him to Japan. He had always said no, but as the years went by it became evident that the challenges of getting older would limit their ability to travel the world, and the chance may never present itself again, so this time he said, “Yes, I’ll go with you.”

    While in Japan he went for a hike and came across a woman on the trail who had taken a spill. A seasoned hiker himself, he had supplies in his pack so he stopped to offer her some first aid. She was not seriously injured.

    He told her he was from Florida, USA. She said she was from Holland – not the city, but the country.

    When he mentioned having previously hiked the Appalachian Trail, she quickly added that she had just read a book about a guy who had done that. “What is the name of the book you read?” he inquired before continuing, “My wife and I recently wrote a book about my trip.”

    “Jingles’ Promise,” she said.

    Reaching into his pack, he pulled out a copy of their book!

    Jingles’ Promise: A Father’s Quest for Truth on the Appalachian Trail

    “This is our book,” he was holding up a copy of Jingles’ Promise. “I am Jingles,” he said smiling. They were both so moved by their having made this connection!

    “How did you find out about the book?” he asked.

    “A friend from another country in Europe told me about it.”

    What are the odds these two individuals — he from Florida and she from Holland — would be hiking at the same time and in the same place in Japan?

    They were standing on holy ground. They saw the significance. Even if they had been hiking there at the same time they likely would never have made the connection if she had not taken the spill.

    They could both see clearly there is no “chance” experience….

    Though he and his wife had done nothing to promote their book, here he was hiking in Japan and meets a woman from Holland — not the city but the country — who had learned about Jingles’ Promise from a friend in another country in Europe.

    Amazing….

    (ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF JINGLES’ PROMISE WILL BE DONATED TO HELP PEOPLE RECOVERING FROM TRAUMA AND LOSS.)

  • Your Memory is Ecstasy

    The winter season for this snowbird has included swimming in the river of emotions. We spent tender time with friends and neighbors who have lost their homes, had their homes severely damaged, are still working to repair or adjust six months after Hurricane Ian hit. And beyond all of that, losses of many friends and family members.

    We are not alone in loss. Daily deliveries of loss remind us of the truth of impermanence.

    When my sister and brother-in-law performed the final act of love and had their beloved cat euthanized, EVERYONE at the office, including the veterinarian, cried. Here is Janis and a sleeping Twizzle.

    Twizzle was not an ordinary cat. The way he observed, learned, and participated in his surroundings demonstrated clearly he was more human than cat. Larry said he knows Twizzle could have helped him with projects if he had had opposable thumbs!

    Life does not leave us bereft after loss, however, and vivid evidences of the continuity of love continue. Barbara Brodsky asked me when I was grieving the loss of an aged tree on our lot, “Does the tree still live in your heart?”

    Oh, yes…. it lives on.

    Our beloved Pine Island community lives on in our hearts.

    My dharma brother, Allen, lives on in my heart.

    Our cousin, Cheryl Basham, lives on in our hearts.

    I miss Miss Molly, my doggy friend I made in Port Charlotte riding my bicycle.

    My sister, Janis, heard this song on The Voice. She said it speaks truth of her beloved Twizzle. It probably speaks truth of all loss and love.

      Ghost

      Youngblood thinks there’s always tomorrow
      I miss your touch on nights when I’m hollow
      I know you crossed a bridge that I can’t follow
      Since the love that you left is all that I get
      I want you to know
      That if I can’t be close to you
      I’ll settle for the ghost of you
      I miss you more than life (more than life)
      And if you can’t be next to me
      Your memory is ecstasy
      I miss you more than life
      I miss you more than life
      Youngblood thinks there’s always tomorrow
      I need more time but time can’t be borrowed
      I’d leave it all behind if I could follow
      Since the love that you left is all that I get
      I want you to know
      That if I can’t be close to you
      I’ll settle for the ghost of you
      I miss you more than life (yeah)
      And if you can’t be next to me
      Your memory is ecstasy (oh)
      I miss you more than life
      I miss you more than life
      Whoa
      Na, na-na
      More than life
      (Oh)
      So if I can’t get close to you
      I’ll settle for the ghost of you
      But I miss you more than life
      And if you can’t be next to me
      Your memory is ecstasy
      I miss you more than life
      I miss you more than life

      Source: LyricFind
      Songwriters: Jonathan David Bellion / Jordan Kendall Johnson / Justin Bieber / Michael Ross Pollack / Stefan Adam Johnson
      Ghost lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

    Yesterday I was able to see a close friend who developed dementia and was moved to live near his family. Our daughter had to drive to another city to pick something up from a client. The facility my friend lives is was only 2.7 miles from where our daughter needed to be. John and I went along and we were so thankful to be recognized and to have the opportunity to visit with our precious friend. I took him one of his favorite vegan bran muffins.

    Oh, yes, your memory is ecstasy….