Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: DebraBasham.com

  • The Path to Peace

    If it happens, it needs to occur.
    ~ Neale Donald Walsch

    Jerry Ashmore, senior dharma teacher at Empty Circle Zen center in Hobart, Indiana, said simply, “If we don’t clear our stuff how can we help others?”

    But how do we know what our stuff is? We can pay attention to the tendency we have to “perseverate” — meaning when we repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance after the stimulus that prompted it has ceased.

    We have an interaction that triggers something. Thoughts pop into mind over and over and over again. For example, guilt or resentment might arise because we are looking at past actions not recognizing the experience as a moment of unconsciousness. (We don’t need to personalize it.)

    Forgiveness is when we bring presence (consciousness) to the thought as it pops into our mind yet again. We can notice that something has not yet been undone.

    This is not a new idea. Epictetus, a Greek Philosopher who was born in 50 AD and died in 135 AD, said: “Don’t hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events whichever way they happen: This is the path to peace.”

    Suffering is simply arguing with the way things are. Sokukoji Buddhist Monastery broadcast a dharma talk with a very interesting phrase: Path of Zen starts at the mountain top and goes up.

    Grandson, Adam, while he was in Europe.

    Jerry Ashmore went on to say that all practice starts by releasing tension in the body. He said, “We can be OK. Don’t discount OKness… the more you experience things as they are rather than how you want them to be, you are on your path.”

    Yesterday, The Mother (channeled by Barbara Brodsky) spoke this Darshan (blessing) to me:

    Dear Friend, you are making a difference. Let go of the ten thousand (this is a reference to the person tossing stranded starfish back into the ocean) and stay focused on whatever is present in front of you and let your heart sing with joy for the difference you have been able to make in that presence.

    Will you try to do that? And if the mind goes to the ten thousand, just, “Shhhh…. Stop.”

    Contracting.

    Fear.

    Ahhh…

    Right there with fear is the heart of love. And the heart of love must be allowed to be free to continue making the difference.

    Today, I took a friend for cataract surgery and received such a lovely confirmation in her thank you card:


    The opening quotation by Neale Donald Walsch concludes with this comment about path: “Whatever experiences the universe brings your feet are a part of your path, inviting you to consciously engage in a process of becoming the highest version of you.”

  • What Else Is

    The definition of complaining is the expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about something.

    A popular phrase is to speak of an undesired state (for example, complaining) as your eating rat poison expecting the rat to die. It is not always obvious, but our emotional state has myriad influences on US.

    Often, John and I remind one another of the valuable awareness to not waste our creative energy complaining about what is. Any moron can do that.

    Real wisdom arises as you devote your creative energy to what else is.

    This morning, a short poem came through which articulates this so well:

      What Else Is

      Stewing or fuming
      about what is
      such a waste
      of energy

      Open heart
      open mind
      open up to
      what else is

      Debra Basham 05-13-2021

    Sometimes it is helpful to be willing to see in what ways what is might be protecting you from what else is. Feeling anger might protect you from feeling powerlessness. Feeling impatience might protect you from feeling worry. Feeling boredom might protect you from feeling discouragement. A handy way to explore all of this is to be aware of an emotional guidance scale, such as the one described by Abraham-Hicks:

    1. Joy/Appreciation/Empowerment/Freedom/Love
    2. Passion
    3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
    4. Positive Expectation/Belief
    5. Optimism
    6. Hopefulness
    7. Contentment
    8. Boredom
    9. Pessimism
    10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
    11. Overwhelment (feeling overwhelmed)
    12. Disappointment
    13. Doubt
    14. Worry
    15. Blame
    16. Discouragement
    17. Anger
    18. Revenge
    19. Hatred/Rage
    20. Jealousy
    21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
    22. Fear/Grief/Desperation/Despair/Powerlessness

    Thought for Today

    Sometimes you repeatedly find yourself faced with an unpleasant situation, until the mind begins to obsess with it. You may begin to ask the question, why am I so attracted to this obsession? It’s not a conceptual question. One begins then to investigate the nature of obsession itself.

    Different of you have different patterns of obsession. For example, some go into old stories, casting blame on others or on yourself. Others may look for a way to solve it, planning. Others of you may just feel anger and helplessness and move into a state of depression.

    You each have your own patterns. This is part of understanding the nature of obsession, to understand the habitual patterning with obsession. When mind becomes obsessive, what do you gain?

    ~ Aaron

    Aaron, as channeled by Barbara Brodsky, refers to emotions as “aggregates.” Aggregates are non-self. Aggregates are impermanent. Aggregates arise because of the senses, triggered by smell, touch, taste, sight and hearing.

    Aggregates rise up out from the sense experience and subside when the sense experience of our life changes. We feel worry when a person we care about is experiencing a health challenge. But worry (each emotion) is an aggregate, so YOU are not that worry.

    In fact, the one who is aware of worry is not worried. That one is aware.

    This is not about trying to not worry. In fact, as our friend, Yoda, says, “Do or Do Not. There is No Try.”


    Hmmmmm, if there is just do or do not that makes me really appreciate what else is….

  • Conditions

    Forgiveness is the fragrance
    that the violet sheds
    on the heel that has crushed it.

    ~ Mark Twain

    Barbara Brodsky and Aaron say you learn a lot by noticing what you are still getting caught by:

    Remember that you are not separate, that whatever you see is simply yourself reflecting back to you. When you see the beauty in another, you are seeing the beauty and radiance in the self. When you see the shadow side of another, you are seeing the shadow in yourself. If you relate to it as separate, it’s easy to move into a contracted place that wants to fix or blame. Cease to see it as separate and simply remember, ‘The negativity I am experiencing here is simply the mirror of that negativity in myself that I have not fully attended to. In this moment, can I smile and hold this fear and negativity within the self with love?’

    “Conditions” give rise to negativity. Negativity does not just jump on you out of the shrubs….

    Over the winter “conditions” of negativity had been painfully present with a Michigan friend.

    As John and I were out walking Friday morning, I said I would really like to understand what that was all about for me.

    The “conditions” would be that my friend and I would have an agreed upon time to do something (during covid, this was admittedly virtually either on Zoom or Facetime or the phone) and she would cancel last minute.

    This pattern quickly became a relational habit. My friend had started dating a man.

    I would get up and be ready for our 9:00 a.m. agreed upon time and then open a text at 8:45 saying, “He was over until after midnight. I am going to crawl back into bed to get some more sleep.”

    I told her it was not working for me. I needed to not make plans she could not keep. She admitted anything we planned would be canceled if something came up with him.

    So a very l-o-n-g silence between us ensued. Occasionally over the next few months one or the other of us would initiate a brief text message exchange, but that was it.

    John and I had been home from Florida for a month when I sent a text message offering to return a book she had loaned me. “I will drop the book off tomorrow on our way to dinner with my sister and brother-in-law,” I offered.

    She replied, “Sounds good! I’ll be home.”

    We are both fully vaccinated.

    I curled my hair. It is quite long now.

    I used mouthwash and freshened my lipstick.

    I felt nervous.

    I sent a text message letting her know we were leaving our house. I did not receive a reply, and as we turned into her neighborhood, I was pretty sure I saw her in a vehicle with a man!

    “I just saw her in that vehicle,” I told John. “Go ahead, go by her house. I can leave the book in the door.”

    I slipped the book into a Ziplock bag, left it behind the storm at her front door, and got back into the van. That familiar heavy-hearted feeling… Those darn “conditions” were present again.

    I sent a text message saying I had seen them heading out as we were coming in and I had left the book in the door.

    “We were at his son’s house for dinner. I found the book! Thank you!”

    The following morning I could see clearly how I had treated John this way for years while I was involved with SCS. The adventure and the fun of that life was obvious to anyone who looked. I was always going off somewhere doing something that excited me and excluded him. I saw how I had been taking our relationship for granted.

    Interestingly, this is the exact story line of the book I was returning!


    “As comforting as a mug of chamomile tea on a rainy Sunday.”
    (New York Times Book Review)

    When John woke up Sunday morning I shared all of this with him and asked his forgiveness and told him how grateful I am that he remained faithful and kept his heart open… I never intended to hurt him. He was not even in my radar.

    Aha! That is exactly what I had been feeling: I was not even in her radar.

    I don’t think she has any idea how this felt.

    I certainly did not.

    I do now.

    And I am so grateful for the way life (karma) remains sticky until it brings us full circle.

  • Stay with the Listening


    This world deserves a kiss on both cheeks
    on the way out of the door
    and you have to let people see you do it.

    Failure to do so becomes —
    you are just another advocate
    but not much of a practitioner.

    ~ Stephen Jenkinson


    Since arriving home in Michigan one month ago, the yet-unanswered questions include: am I going to reopen my practice and if (or when) I will see a friend who went from a daily contact to essentially a lack of contact over this past winter.

    Of course, there is a much deeper structure than the surface of these (and all) questions.

    It has taken me days to be able to listen to the entire conversation with Terry Patten and Stephen Jenkinson — an episode titled: “Overwhelming Beauty — and Being OK, Dying.”

    On his 70th birthday, Terry was informed that there is a probably metastatic cancer in his lungs.

    The talk is available on the State of Emergence podcast now.

    Shortly after listening, a dear friend who is losing her hair in the current process of cancer treatment included this in her recent post about her hair loss: I made a common error…..I didn’t let my painful feelings have any air time. I shifted so quickly that there was no recognition that this particular development has impact. I’m aware where it ranks in the big picture ….. but it’s not meaningless.

    I notice where the questions about my practice or the change in my relationship ranks in the big picture…. but they are not meaningless.

    I appreciate my willingness to stay with the listening and to feel the painful feelings that were evoked by this podcast. To stay with the listening was not easy. The subject matter is not light. It was not pleasurable.

    But it is meaningful and as I stay with the listening, I notice a bit more about what I found intolerable with my friend over this past year.

    As I stay with the listening, Stephen’s words suddenly stimulate a whiff of clarity that sweeps into my being:

      She is still selling comfort as the place to get to….

      If you’re lucky, there are a few people who tend to your silence without asking you to break it….

      I suspect it’s like war, in the following way. You come back from war, and there’s nothing to say for one of two reasons. Either the language has not yet caught up with the realities of war and so explicitly there is nothing to say that doesn’t digress. Or, there is nothing to say to anyone because they weren’t there and there’s no way to bring them closer to it, and if they were there, you’re not talking about it anyway….

      The mother of gratitude is grief. It doesn’t come from being spared….

      If you don’t die of this now, you will die of that then….

    Terry’s stark honesty and his transparency of his not knowing pulls me back so I can stay with the listening:

      We all have the terminal diagnosis. We don’t know the time or the contours….

      The beauty of this life — the thing I don’t want to kiss goodbye — has made itself especially vivid and the fact that I am totally not in control makes everything poignant, tender, full of vibrancy….

      You can’t kiss that goodbye except with tears and they’re not “unhappy.” They’re deeply felt, they are hardly knowable….

    Jenkinson is the author of Come of Age: The Case for Elderhood in a Time of Trouble (2018), the award-winning Die Wise: A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul (2015), Homecoming: The Haiku Sessions (a live teaching from 2013), How it All Could Be: A workbook for dying people and those who love them (2009), Angel and Executioner: Grief and the Love of Life – (a live teaching from 2009), and Money and The Soul’s Desires: A Meditation (2002).

  • Gunner

    Sacred Stories

    It was his birthday.

    He had wanted to get a dog for so long but the landlord would not allow dogs where he lived.

    So his mom went online and ordered him a little Ty puppy dog for his birthday.


    When she received it, she opened the tag to see the name (each Ty animal is named).

    The name of this dog was “Lil’ Gunner.”


    Such an unusual name and then for a toy to be named that.

    His name is Gunner!!!!

    Gunner’s aunt instantly recognized the gift had come from her brother — Gunner’s grandpa — who is in spirit….

    “Oh, well…. I don’t need to go further,” she said. “I just love when Spirit gives such clear and marvelous gifts.”

  • Wheelchair

    Sacred Stories

    Late one evening, returning from a visit to her son’s, she lost her balance getting out of the car and into the house and fell. Thankfully, her daughter was with her, visiting from out of state.

    She had a pretty severe skin tear on the underside of her forearm and they determined it needed medical attention.

    A long covered walkway led to the entrance of the emergency room, and she was relieved to see a wheelchair had been left there. She got into a room quickly, and she received excellent care. She knew she had been guided to come. The wound needed 11 stitches and medical glue!

    A couple of hours later, leaving the hospital, she sat in the wheelchair waiting for her daughter to go get the car, and chatted with the nurse, “We were so impressed that you leave a wheelchair here for folks to use when they come in.”

    The nurse looked baffled. “What wheelchair?” she inquired.

    “This one that I am in was sitting right here when we pulled up. We assumed it had been left here for the next patient to arrive.”

    “No. We do not ever leave a wheelchair out here,” clarified the nurse.

    Well, if that is the case, then this particular wheelchair had obviously been left especially for her!


  • Bible!

    Sacred Stories

    She had been scrolling on a local Facebook “Memories” page, and happened to see her deceased husband’s writing!

    A woman had purchased a bible — with this inscription — at an antique store. She had gone onto Ancestry.com and posted the photo on the local page hoping to find the family. What kindness and generosity! The woman who had purchased the bible also delivered it.

    The treasured memory found its way home…

    Social media can have its issues, but there are also blessings. This one might even be considered a God Moment!

    This bible, in German, had belonged to her mother-in-law!


  • Specimen of Transformation

    I woke up this morning thinking about a beautiful woman, who happens to be the daughter of a dear friend of mine. A remarkable feat of love — her going this past weekend to visit her biological father on his deathbed to assure him of forgiveness for his abuse.

    That same woman is undergoing surgery today.

    This is how I came to ponder the life cycle of a butterfly.



    Amazing words leapt off the page as I read under the heading: Do butterflies remember being caterpillars?

    The study showed that memory, and therefore the nervous system, stays during the complex transformation from the caterpillar to the adult moth.

    So while a moth or butterfly may not remember being a caterpillar, it can remember experiences it learned as a caterpillar

    This woman’s life cycle as a daughter is no less remarkable. While her nervous system has stayed during the complex transformation — so she remembers the experiences she learned — she is definitely no longer the victim of abuse.

      “I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

      “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

      ~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

    Just like the butterfly, we can remember our experiences and benefit from the learning even as we are being transformed. My meditation teacher speaks a lot about our collective transformation (from negative polarity to positive polarity) and assures us we are moving to a stage of consciousness where we not only learn from our own experience, but we are truly transformed by the collective learning.

    Becoming a Teacher to Others

    When you begin to work with other people as a teacher, that is a very dangerous point. Unless you are willing to learn from students—unless you regard yourself as a student and the students as your teacher—you cease to be a true teacher. You only impart your experience of what you’ve been taught, a package deal. And having done that, there’s no more to say—unless you repeat yourself again and again.

    Excerpted from: “The Bardo of Meditation” in Transcending Madness: The Experience of the Six Bardos, by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche (page 63)

    Last evening, her mother and I were talking about how hard it is for all those facing surgeries during the pandemic. I had been to my primary care physician for the first time since the pandemic earlier in the day. EVERYTHING is so much harder.

    People are dropped off at the door.

    Family has to wait elsewhere.

    When notified, they pick up the patient.

    I was remembering ALL of the support I received when I had the abdominal mass removed in November, 2012. A friend came with John and me. She stayed with him until the mother of this remarkable woman arrived to relieve them. I had a revolving door of caregivers.

    It was not just easier on me. Every act of support and care provided to me by this “care team” was support for those employed to care for me.

    My heart was filled to overflowing as I watched the extra effort everyone at the doctor’s office had to take to make sure we are all safe. My doctor’s husband is an ER doc. She expressed her hope that humanity will pull together so we will all be able to enjoy communal life again. She said, “I am so looking forward to being able to hug you when I walk you out.”

    This admitted “white-coat syndrome” sufferer had a blood pressure reading of 122/70 in that atmosphere of love. That, too, is no easy feat.

    Today, I bow to each beautiful specimen of transformation.

  • Sea Shell

    Sacred Stories

    He had just spent 8 days on a meditation retreat that ordinarily would have taken place on the Emerald Isle, North Carolina, beach. The meditation teacher would ordinarily gather broken shells and give one to each participant. Due to the pandemic, this retreat was held on Zoom.


    Their “virtual” opening exercise was sharing a screen and looking at many, many broken shells. The Vipassana and Pure Awareness practice taught him about accessing the light within the darkness. Learning to see the beauty within the brokenness.

    The following week as he was still processing his experience, he sent this message to a new friend he had met on retreat:

    “I live no where near the coast. 3 hours away…. and look what I find!”


  • Thank You, Teacher

    “Wisdom tells me I am nothing.
    Love tells me I am everything.
    And between the two my life flows.”

    ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

    I am still in a lot of process, triggered again and again by the teachings and the practice on the 8-day Emerald Ilse retreat, a process fueled by an intention to wake up to wisdom. The process, and the practice, is not done for a personal self, it is housed in the concept that there is no personal “I” and all is done in service to all beings. The goal is literally to wake up the collective consciousness called humanity.

    My poetry writers group (Southern Circle) has been such a staggering catalyst for practice. After a strong triggering while I was still in Florida, (See: 3 Faces of Happiness) I have not been in attendance due to preparing to return home, traveling home, arriving and settling in, and then attending the retreat. Last evening when a text came through asking who was able to attend Southern Circle Poetry Group this morning, I chose not to respond.

    This morning I did more process — inner asking about whether or not I am to attend.


    You know there is no running away from anything.

    Wherever you go, there you are….

    “What is true about my attending Southern Circle?” II – The Inner Voice

      There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us in this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.

    “What is true about my not attending Southern Circle?” King of Water – Healing

      Be aware of your wound. Don’t help it to grow, let it be healed; and it will be healed only when you move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head there is no wound. Live a headless life.

    As I was preparing to draw the two cards from the Osho Zen Tarot deck, I heard that I was also to draw one single card from the Angelic Messenger deck. This message would be true regardless of attending or not.

    A Rejuvenation Card, number 35 “Change” was the card was from Angelic Messenger Cards: A Divination System for Self-Discovery.

      Whatever comes to you can be a significant opportunity for spiritual growth, whether it was intended as that or not. Your larger life goal is to grow in grace and to find union with the divine Presence through love.

    After reading all three of these cards, I used the “library angel” process of just randomly opening a book and seeing what guidance or message is being divinely sent to you. The Daily Word randomly opened to May 21 (one month from today). FYI- I do not have the March/April edition because those do not get forwarded while we are in Florida.

      Sometimes I may become so immersed in dispiriting practices and behaviors that I become blind to the blessings and beauty in front of me. When I engage the world with love instead of fear, I more easily behold the Christ within myself and all others.

    At the retreat, we received Darshan with “The Mother” (See: Remembering Wholeness/Darshan With the Mother). Each individual receives a message of divine wisdom. The message that came for me was an expansion of the previous message to a dear friend, Dorothyann.

    Dorothyann:

    So much light and love pouring out of your radiant heart. You are getting much better at not getting caught in the story of “not good enough.” It still comes, of course it still comes.

    This week when that story arises, would you just bow to it and say, “I do not accept that, no thank you. Shhhhh….”

    Don’t try to drown it out, just, “No thank you.”

    Right here along with the one who still has some belief about not good enough, where is the radiant one? Can you touch that radiant, open-hearted aspect of yourself — and know this is the true self.

    I love you and I am helping you.

    Debra:

    I love you. Here I am going to have an opportunity to spare a few words because you heard what I said to Dorothyann.

    “Shhhhh…. Thank you, Teacher, but no thank you. I am not taking that into me.”

    Remember who you are. Remember your light and loving heart. That’s all you need to know.

    I love you and I am helping you.