Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: DebraBasham.com

  • Grow Through What You Go Through

    Light rain was tap dancing on the metal roof of the lanai as I sat in the darkness waiting for the sun to make its debut thinking about a dear friend of mine whose brother-in-love is going to be having lung cancer surgery soon. She has been a champion of ours for decades, having thrived through cancer herself. A video interview of Jane’s Imagine Healing Journey is featured on our website.

    I imagined her sharing the Imagine Healing process with him….

    Opening email from The Daily Tejaniya I read: “Practice with the idea of not trying to create an experience. Instead, just take your experience as it is and try to learn from it.”

    You can see the middle path!

    Doing the process of Imagine Healing supports the central nervous system so the physical body has the best opportunity for healing. Having done the process, you are much more capable of being present to learn through your experience.

    Our granddaughter is going through a lot right now. I sent her a photo of a sweatshirt I had seen on Facebook with the words: Grow through what you go through.

    A quick internet search for that phrase took me to a sweet website which listed 12 Hacks to Grow Through What You Go Through. Number 3 on the list is about how you can grow through your fears.

      We don’t run from our fears; we go through them. To get past our fears, we need to do three things:

      1) acknowledge them,

      2) let them go, and

      3) replace them with something else.

    That list took me to a post by another Facebook friend and colleague, Lisa Gordon (I was trained in Healing Touch by her mom, Janet Mentgen). Lisa posted a sweet reminder from “The Female Hustlers” offering a perfect way to navigate these last days of December 2023:

      De-cember
      de-clutter
      de-tach and
      de-lete
      anything that
      de-values your life.
      Don’t bring
      it into 2024.

    Whatever is happening in your life right now, may you grow through all you go through.

  • Bison as Beacon

    This morning’s Gratefulness.org message by John A. Powell is so perfect as follow up to my having gotten triggered yesterday: “When people’s stories are recognized, it does something. It creates a possibility.”

    As so often happens, the Daily Reflection from Deep Spring also spoke so well to this.

      Think of somebody in your life who is difficult for you, the ‘famous person’. Watch the way, as soon as you get near this person, you contract. You want to push them away. But that person is not the problem; your mind’s idea of that person is the problem. “Oh, this is that person who is always making snide remarks and is always bitter, is always attacking me.” Of course you want to push them away. But this person is just being how they are. Can you find the place of openness in yourself that can see that this person is as they are because of various conditions, and your reaction to this person is because of your interior conditions and it has nothing to do with them?

      The next step is seeing this is not about them but about me. And for me, my reaction is my reaction. Ah, who am I that’s reacting? Can I watch my response to this famous person, or to anything — let’s say the whole Ukraine situation, or the recent school shootings. “AAAH!” Can I watch my reaction to it? It’s a strong object. I don’t want this. But as soon as there’s that contraction into the personal self, it becomes very hard to hold space around what’s happening.

      We look at the famous person, whatever it may be, as a gift and say, “Thank you, teacher. What have you come to teach me?” Then we can begin to open our hearts to our own fear, our own sense of limitation, powerlessness or sadness. ~ Aaron

    Of course, it’s never about the trigger. I sat on the lanai in the predawn anticipating the coming of the light and meditating on the trigger as gift or teacher. The trigger is like a divine finger pointing to the “story” outside of our awareness waiting for us to see clearly.

    The sky changes were magnificent. One minute no color could be seen, the next minute the sky was alive with hues of bright pinks and reds and yellows woven together with the deep gray clouds.

    Clouds make the most colorful skies….

    A bit later I saw an amazing photo of a frozen-faced bison on Facebook with the following caption: Bison are the only animal that turn into a snowstorm rather than away from it because they instinctively know that walking into the storm will get them out of the weather quicker. There may be a life lesson for humans in this. It also makes for some epic pictures. ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson


  • Water Heater

    For some time we’d been clearing out and cleaning my dad’s house following his death. One day the hot water heater gave out. While we knew it needed to be replaced, it was not on our list of things to do that day. Dad’s old green pickup truck was filled to the brim with things to take to the dump, and then there was a stop at the home improvement store for more boards to fix the shed. The water heater could wait. Still it was on our mind as we drove down the highway toward the dump and we wondered out loud who we should call to replace it. We couldn’t help but notice a van passing us that advertised just the service we needed. Hours later while my husband was waiting for me near the customer service desk at the home improvement store, he noticed a large box that held the exact kind of water heater we needed. It was near the door, being prepped for customer pick up. He took the “hint” and when I showed up, he was inquiring about ordering a new water heater.

    Later I did my part and called the company whose van passed us on the road. In less than a week the replacement was done.

    Did I mention my father was a maintenance electrician for over 40 years? He maintained things, by “fixing” them before they broke. And if something did break, it never — and I mean never — waited to be repaired! Dad specialized in furnaces and boilers. He knew his way around a water heater. And it seems this one wasn’t going to wait either. Thanks for the help, Dad!

  • Eveready – All is Well

    My father always wore a wristwatch and glanced at it often. He was always on time. When he retired, his company gifted him with a clock. For a good long time, it took a rightful place for prominent display.

    When dad died, I brought home one of the two clocks he kept in his bedroom. The battery was dead, but I sat it on the kitchen counter anyway, as a momento. One day I noticed a ticking sound. As usual the time it showed was incorrect, but oddly, the second hand was now rising up and falling back to its original place over and over. Again, I reminded myself to change the battery.

    A few days later I noticed the clock was ticking away and for the first time in weeks it was showing the correct time. I assumed my husband had changed the battery. But no, he had not! Neither of us had touched it, and each clearly remembered it had completely stopped, except for the day it ticked so oddly. I’m grateful that we caught it running smoothly that day and “magically” showing the correct time. I believe my dad’s spirit was contacting us to tell us all is well.

    The clock eventually stopped again and this time we decided to “signal back” by finally giving that old clock a new battery.

  • A Special Kind of Mystic

    I listened to the first 20 minutes of a talk by Mosab Hassan Yousef. A dear friend (who happens to be Jewish) sent me a link to the talk on Youtube. “‘Son of Hamas’ Tackles University Antisemitism, Exposes Hamas ‘Holy War’ to Wipe Out Jews” was given at University of Michigan last week.

    Opening email, I appreciated Gratefulness.org for posting this beautiful quotation from Brother David Steindl-Rast today, “The mystic is not a special human being – every human being is a special kind of mystic.”

    I grabbed my journal and did a sacred drawing.

    The drawing invoked this Haiku:

      So busy —— this mind
      but space and peace await
      One need only be

        Be

      the change you seek
      wait for nothing to come first
      You already are

    As I wrote today’s date on the top of the page, the breath caught in my chest: Thursday, December 7, 2023.

    82 years ago today 2,403 were killed in Pearl Harbor.

    We cry “Peace, peace”…. while hating our neighbor and fearing our inner demons.

    We need only to lay down our swords —— “S” words —— like should and should not and somebody.

    Today’s “Daily Tejaniya”:

    Faith Keeps Us On the Path

    When we practice meditation,
    faith should increase. Only if we
    have trust and confidence in some-
    thing, can we actually apply ourselves
    to it. We must recognize the faith we
    have — however little or much. It’s
    what keeps us on the path.

    This path is perhaps to each human being living fully as a special kind of mystic….

  • Grace is All Around

    My husband and I were a bit traumatized after witnessing an horrific incident at a bridge close to where we’re camping in Santa Cruz, as we were walking back from the beach. A man had a medical incident (DUI-drugs apparently) while driving across the bridge, hitting someone and another person either leapt out of the way or was also hit and fell over the bridge. Apparently he landed on the dock below, then was airlifted.

    The screams from the bridge will remain with us for a long time.

    We went for a lovely bike ride the next day all along the coast. When we passed the amusement park on the boardwalk, the screams on the roller coaster brought it all back.

    However, the following day, the Daily Reflection from Deep Spring Center for Meditation spoke to me hugely. I am the guy who fell over the bridge, the guy who caused the incident, the injured woman. We are all one. There are no sides.

      Even in the most terrible disaster, when people are dying, when people are suffering, those who have emerged personally unscathed experience an excitement of sorts. It grows partly out of having escaped harm themselves. It has its roots in fear. It’s a kind of relief, what you might feel if you were on a bridge with some friends and it began to tremble and pieces fall out, and you all ran to the end and just got off the bridge in time before it collapsed. Other people on the bridge plunged to their death. You would feel a sadness, a true sadness for them, born out of the recognition that it could have been you, but also a very personal sense of relief: I’m safe. My loved ones are safe. We escaped. Can you see that this grows out of fear? There is a separation: WE escaped, THEY died. It’s not okay that they died, but, “Whew, we escaped.” Part of this is the denial of the human of its own mortality: here’s another one that I’m free from; it didn’t get me this time. So there’s a sense of denial—that isn’t me on the bottom of that chasm. Never mind that my loved ones and I are here safely on the side, that’s still US down there.

      The human mind sometimes cannot cope with the enormity of the suffering that it faces. Sometimes that degree of denial becomes necessary for survival. I’m not saying that it’s good or bad, only that the being that would grow in spiritual ways needs to be aware if one is experiencing that, that one is experiencing that. Experiencing denial, experiencing profound fear, feeling overwhelmed, and by way of needing to cope with the heaviness of this catalyst, moving into denial. This is something that can mask as sadness, but it’s not true sadness, it’s fear. Sadness that grows out of love is a very profound emotion. It leaves you feeling helpless, in a sense, deeply aware of the reality of suffering. Simply watch the way it arises, all of you, to further clarify this distinction. ~ Aaron

    There are no coincidences.

    It is truly remarkable Aaron’s teaching was about falling off the bridge….

    The same day as Aaron’s quotation in a book I’m reading The Covenant of Water, by Abraham Verghese, there’s a scene with two surgeons — one is injured and the other looking at him with compassion and wanting to help him — but from a place of oneness and love, and not as “one” looking at the “other.”  

    Reading Verghese’s words also spoke to me. Grace is all around.

  • Mint-to-be

    We had been on the road for over ten hours and decided to stay the night somewhere near where dear friends are now living. Breakfast and a visit before heading on to the scheduled visit with my brother-and-sister-in-love seemed perfect.

    With the help of another friend who was reading reviews online, we settled on a private (rather than a chain) hotel, and while I was checking in sitting on the front desk was a Santa Clause dish filled with the soft peppermint candies my dear friend now calls “therapy mints.”

    “Oh, you have therapy mints,” I began to share. “These are the candies my friend’s late husband always gave her. She did save them but she did not eat them. A dietician would not eat pure sugar. After he passed, she found them everywhere: at his work when she took the death certificate; at the hair salon; at the bed-and-breakfast when she returned to the city in which he had died. For years now, I have been finding them and I always take some for her. It is odd, too, because I worked in the candy section in a grocery store years ago and I had never seen this soft peppermint candy. And now her father is on hospice care and she is away from her home caring for him. I will take one for her. She eats them in loving memory now.”

    The desk clerk said, “Wait there. I will be right back.” She came back with a baggie. “That is such a sweet story,” she began to stuff the baggie with mints, “so take these for her.”

    When my friend called to ask how our accommodations were, I shared what had happened and said, “The location was meant to be.”

    As I heard those words I saw it spelled out as mint-to-be….

    Psalms 25:4-11
    Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O LORD, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past.

     

     

  • Break Your Heart No Longer

    Here in the US today we are celebrating Thanksgiving Day.

    Last evening was a day of giving thanks in my heart as we shared time and great food with our daughter and son-in-love (Stacey and Doug), grandson and granddaughter-in-love (Brad and Christina), grandson and girl-friend-in-love (Adam and Rachael), granddaughter and great-grandson (Courtney and Jackson). Last year at this time we were navigating the shock of Jackson’s seizures and last night he was climbing up and down on the Little Tikes slide that will be a Christmas gift.

    One of the women at meditation on Tuesday morning shared this beautiful quotation:

    My beloved child, break your heart no longer.

    Each time you judge yourself, you break your heart.

    You pull away from the love that is the well-spring of your vitality.

    But now the time has come, your time, to live

    and to trust the goodness that you are…

    ~ Adapted from the teachings of Bapu-ji- as shared by kirpal venanji

    This speaks deeply of a true sense of thanksgiving. Within every set of conditions resides the potential for kindness and wisdom. I may need to say something that is hard for another to hear, but that can be said with kindness. Wisdom inspires the words, the tone of voice, the expression in the eyes. Every aspect of being can flow from a genuine sense of compassion and strength from within the heart and mind.

    I sent that quotation to our granddaughter a couple of days ago. She is in the planning process of making a home for Jackson as a single mom and it is scary and sad and a bit overwhelming. A lot of life is that.

    But she and Jackson are well loved and as I told her last night, he will have a better opportunity to thrive wherever she thrives.

    Reading from Conscious Divorce: Ending a Marriage with Integrity, by Susan Allison, “Making the decision whether or not to leave a relationship may be the most daunting part of the divorcing process; at least it is the one filled with the most anxiety. This is partly because divorce is a choice made of our own free will, and we sense the enormity of this responsibility. Also, confusion and indecision are uncomfortable for most of us. We want this initial stage to be over, so we can move on. At the same time, we realize that our choice will affect our partners, our families, and our friends; it will be a decision we must live with all our lives. We want to choose carefully.”

    Thomas Moore writes in Soul Mates, “Divorce is not a failure of the parties to maintain their commitments, but rather, evidence of the tendency of fate to spin us in different directions.”

    He goes on to say that the ending of a relationship can be recognized and experienced as a difficult rite of passage for the soul, and a true ending, not just a defensive withdrawal, that comes about not only through decisions but also with that spinning of fate and the turning of time.

    Years ago I wrote an Ode to Letting Go:

      I will not look back at our time together and see it all as bad. I will have the courage to call it all good – our coming together and our coming apart. I will honor your memory by remembering the growth that our relationship inspired. I will not insult either of us by insisting that it could have, should have, or would have been different. It was as it was. I will use this experience to affirm the beliefs I wish to guide my life by; All things work together for good. You are free. I am free. Be with your life lightly as I am with my own. Take not from here a false belief that you or I are less than what you are: a child of the universe, whole, holy, and loveable. Be tender with yourself as you make this adjustment, just as you would be tender with a body part as it heals.

      Look into the mirror often and recall the truth – I once loved you deeply. Though the feelings have waned as the moon – your worthiness (as my own) has neither diminished nor dissipated. I will always honor your memory. I will always cherish your soul. Go in peace. Live, grow, heal, and continue on your journey. For this time of our being together as husband and wife has ended but the ties that bind our hearts in love continue – even as the love at the center of all of life continues to hold us and guide us and heal us. Amen.

    So much to be thankful for…. everything is worthy of our thanks giving. Today, I am giving thanks for each of you.

    May each sentient being break our heart no longer.

    May all beings give thanks.

    May all beings know peace.

  • Reggie Road

    Their purchasing a larger home was quite the story.  They knew they wanted more children and they would talk about a large farmhouse quite nearby where they were currently living. One day she made contact with the owners asking if they would consider selling. The owner responded, “We have just been talking about that!”

    They bought the farmhouse and sold the smaller home they had been living in on Reggie Road.

    Many decades later, she was sitting around the dining table with 8 other neighbors in the 55 and over community where she now lived when small talk took a surprising turn. It all began with the simple question about where you lived. The answers revealed an amazing coincidence.

    “We lived off Napier Avenue,” she said. “On Reggie.”

    “I lived on Reggie,” he surprised her by adding, “We lived in the first house on the left.”

    “We lived in the first house on the left!” she blurted out. “We sold it to some people named Smith.”

    John’s last name is Smith. Smith is such a common name.

    “That is my parents,” he confirmed.

    Piecing the timing together, they were able to piece together his mom and dad had purchased the house from her and he lived there as a youth!

    She then shared a funny story about her nephew having returned from Vietnam without knowing they had moved. He came to visit her but no one was home at the time. Her nephew came on in, got a beer out of the fridge and sat down and drank it. When no one came home by the time he had finished the beer he left. Later he found out he had been in the new owners’ home!

    It was a fun evening, but it was also a significant time of seeing a deeper structure of the weaving of our lives as a tapestry of togetherness.

    The opening and closing stanzas of “Life is but a Weaving” (The Tapestry Poem) by Corrie ten Boom:

    My life is but a weaving
    Between my God and me.
    I cannot choose the colors
    He weaveth steadily.

    He knows, He loves, He cares;
    Nothing this truth can dim.
    He gives the very best to those
    Who leave the choice to Him.

    ~ Corrie ten Boom

  • Two Heartbeats

    Expecting twin boys then the sad news one of the boys was likely not viable.

    The babies’ shower was already planned. Do they cancel? Accept gifts for only one? They decided to go ahead with the shower and when the food was blessed by her aunt, the prayer was spoken with total truth and trust:

    “At this moment there are two heartbeats and we rejoice at this time and the gift of these two lives,” her aunt prayed.

    Both sons were born very early.  At Halloween when the bigger one weighed 4 pounds and the smaller one just 1 1/2 pounds, the neonatal nursery staff at the hospital dressed the boys up as a chicken tender and a chicken nugget.

    Still praying, “At this moment there are two heartbeats and we rejoice at this time and the gift of these two lives….”

    When my bones were being formed, carefully put together in my mother’s womb, when I was growing there in secret, you knew that I was there— you saw me before I was born. The days allotted to me had all been recorded in your book, before any of them ever began. ~ Psalm 139:15-16