Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Aaron

  • Drama Triangle Revisited Again and Again

    Lately, almost EVERYTHING I read or see or hear or feel reminds me of The Drama Triangle Revisited, one of the more infamous SCS/NLP offerings.

    A key awareness of Healing with Language is built on the Drama Triangle, developed by Steve Karpman. The main roles of the Drama Triangle—Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer—are well-known, but not everyone is familiar with either the Cognitive Triangle or the Transrational Pyramid.

    For more information, see “The Drama Triangle Revisited” (a free download in PDF format).

    It will help you identify the various roles and allow you and your friends, family, and clients to move away from the drama of life and gain a sense of awareness, clarity, and harmony available from the Transrational Pyramid (Healing with Language, 2008, Bowman and Basham).

    For example, on Sunday, the blessing of Darshan with The Mother was clearly related to John’s medical process: You can hold your own aspirations and choices with love and offer them out for him to receive, but the highest aspiration always needs to be for that which is for the highest good for him and for yourself. Because you are straining yourself trying to carry him. And you cannot carry him. I will not help you carry him, but I will help you hold a field of love around him, around each other.

    At Tuesday’s Evening with Aaron, we were encouraged to move beyond any old fix-it habit energies. While Aaron did not use the term Drama Triangle, the message was clear: Fix-it energy helps to hold in place those two roles of victim and victimizer. What if you step out of that idea, holding space for both of them, seeing how they’re constantly pushing at each other. You can instead say, “I will not play with this whole cycle anymore. I step back out of it. You are responsible for finding the power in yourself to cease being the victim or victimizing others. And I will support your doing that in wholesome ways.”

    That is precisely what The Mother had told me about John! “I will not help you carry him….”

    Aaron went on to explain that the role of the fixer assumes there is something broken, and if something is broken, then something needs to be fixed. It is a never-ending cycle — until you stop being victimized by it. And you can. ONLY you can. Only YOU can. Only again and again.

    I have been invited as guest pastor at St. John United Church of Christ on June 19, which is Father’s Day. The theme of our time together will be observing your masculine teacher (for most of us our father). I am excited about the music for the day: Father’s Eyes by Amy Grant, and Father I Adore You, and Our Father (The Lord’s Prayer). I was looking for a wonderful piece of work from The Celestine Prophecy: An Experiential Guidebook on a flash drive holding the remnants of my previous PC that crossed the rainbow bridge.

    While searching for that, I came upon some old notes from a self-retreat at Still Waters. The notes were from a book by SARK. Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, check out her amazing work. I am sorry that I do not know what book this saying is from, but I know the page number is 217.

    I am willing to live by this saying, “I don’t know why this has happened, but since it has, I must have helped cause it.” ~ SARK

    SARK made an important distinction: this is different from belief that an experience is happening to me because I need to develop such and such a characteristic. This is awareness we are co-creators.

    John and I are certainly experiencing awareness through all of this. A dear friend wrote today, “I continue to admire your wisdom, insights, courage and perseverance as I read your blog posts. It sounds like a long difficult passage, but with many blessings along the way.”

    I responded,”Like birth! And incarnation!!!!”

    While Joel P. Bowman and I were developing the body of materials we called SCS/NLP, he was triggered by a reference I made to a shared office space as”my office.” My comment, or perhaps more clearly his response to my comment, set of a chain-reaction and weeks of stress. Working together for over twenty years, we came to say we had fights so fierce we named them. This one was named: my office.

    During the “my office” drama, John and I were in the car on our way to Grand Rapids to have dinner with a friend. I was again and again hashing over the event when John asked simply, “What are you and Joel working on right now?”

    “The Drama Triangle,” I responded before continuing, “Why do you ask?”

    “Because you are always living the material,” was John’s wise reply.

    Joel and I recognized the third “triangle” in the human psyche is actually not a triangle at all. It is a pyramid. The Transrational Pyramid is centered in the heart chakra, and it is transrational in the sense we are able to be with our experiences beyond our personality. We live in a meta state throughout which Awareness is aware of the conditions or context; aware of our personal issues, and aware of the thoughts and feelings of the others affected.

    Aaron is fond of saying there is nothing needing to be fixed. From transrational awareness, we simply bring loving attention to what ever needs it. Transrational Awareness combines with Clarity and Peace to produce a sense of Harmony within self, with the other, and with the universe as a whole.

    Ah…. Transrational awareness. One of the many blessings along the way of this long difficult passage called life….


  • This Day’s Dawn

    Those who are awake live in a constant state of amazement. ~ Jack Kornfield

    This day’s dawn comes on the heels of a dark night. Actually, every day’s dawn does.

    Last evening we took John to my primary. She agreed with the medicine list. She encouraged patience and confidence in the specialists he will be working with, along with his primary. I was almost in a heap when we left. I was in search of relief.

    Aaron’s thought for today from Deep Spring Center for Meditation expresses it this way: Each of you is walking right now through dark valleys, unable to see what the future will hold. But your heart controls that future. Hold that dream of love, of an earth in which all beings cherish every other sentient being and the earth itself, knowing we are one and we love. We love, and we are love.

    Awareness sees so many gifts in all of this, not the least of which is how John is navigating the perfect catalyst for my overcoming habit energy of fear around medical stuff. It is not easy, but it is rich with opportunity.

    The Empty Circle Zen Group’s Mindful Moment for today refers to the raw truth — Everyone we cherish will, someday, get sick and die. If we don’t practice the meditation on emptiness, when those things happen, we will be overwhelmed. Concentration on emptiness is a way of staying in touch with life as it is, but it has to be practiced and not just talked about as connectedness.

    For example, while Stacey and I were working on the jigsaw puzzle a couple of days ago, waves of emotion would wash over me. I would swallow the threatening tears and observe the thought. After several close encounters, clear seeing allowed me to notice the delusion. Once stable with it, I was able to speak to Stacey, starting with the caveat I did not even believe it. I said, “You have always been closer to your dad more than to me. If one of us had to get sick and die, I wish it could have been me so you would still have your dad.”

    As Stacey’s initial loving heart instantly began assuring me that isn’t true, I interjected immediately, “I am sharing this with you because I absolutely agree it is not true.”

    Waking reality does not exist in as concrete a manner as people might think.

    Following my foray into the darkness last evening, on this day’s dawn Stacey sent me some wonderful words of wisdom:

    If you don’t feel your best today, allow yourself that space. This is hard. You don’t have to process this all at once.

  • Already a Butterfly

    In The Wisdom of No Escape: And the Path of Loving-kindness, Pema Chödrön qutoes Joseph Campbell, writing, “It has been said, quite accurately that the psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” One might wonder what it is that the mystic sees/hears/knows/experiences which leads to the more pleasant conclusion.

    Last evening I was Zoom host for The Eden Project when Barbara Brodsky logged on saying Aaron was requesting the use of breakout rooms. I have hosted a lot of Zoom classes for/with Barbara and Aaron, but I have no experience setting up the breakout rooms. I reached out via text to my virtual buddy and I asked out loud of another friend whom Barbara said has a lot of experience with Zoom — neither of them had any experience with the breakout rooms.

    The intention to use the breakout rooms remained steady in our hearts and minds. I selected the “allow participants to choose” option. Not successful yet. One of the participants sent a link to a tutorial video, but knew I could not switch to that easily enough to learn while hosting the group. Another participant with some experience was willing to help, so I quickly made him co-host and together (with lots and lots of cooperation and co-creation) the breakout rooms were enjoyed!

    I was unable to join the small group because I was the Zoom host. I did not want to leave Barbara without support.  Awareness came instantly that spirit had given me the experience prior to the group meeting when I accidentally dropped my Osho Zen Tarot deck, and three cards spilled out.

    The first card is 20 Beyond Illusion:
    don’t look outside for what’s inside

    The second card is 5 of Clouds Comparison:
    all is needed and everything fits together

    The third card is Ace of Water Going with the Flow:
    everything is happening exactly as it should

    Just as the spilled card spread began with the butterfly, so did Aaron’s talk!

    When you are a caterpillar, you are already a butterfly and yet it has not manifested….

    You live in a world in which you have the power to change things!

    Where would you like to be in your awareness one month from now?

    How do we awaken the imaginal cells and begin to imagine a world/family/individual in which there is peace? What does it look like, feel like, taste like, smell like?

    You cannot think your way in, but you can sing your way, dance your way, or draw your way in.

    Begin with asking: “What conditions are necessary for a world of peace — a world without hatred?”

    I received a text message:

    M: Good afternoon, Miss Debra. If you are not too busy, could you pendle some thing for me? My question is ready.

    D: No….There is a bit of a jokester energy present. Does that make sense?

    M: A medication was prescribed for one of our guys. It’s pretty heavy duty. I am so not sure whether to start the script.

    D: Do you have it with you?

    M: I actually haven’t picked it up yet. Probably I’ll go in a little while. Muscle test?

    D: Yes! Muscle test. Do you have the script or can you imagine holding it up to your heart?

    M: Nothing tangible.

    D: Let’s do it with intention.

    M: When you asked me if I could imagine holding it up to my heart, I heard that it’s not for me. LOL.

    D: Direct your intention. And thank them for clarifying for us. LOL.

    M: Yes. LOL. I got “maybe.”

    D: Similar here. I actually asked if it would be beneficial, and I heard “maybe.” I asked if it could be harmful, and I heard “maybe.”

    M: Yes, that’s how it comes to me.

    D: What I am immediately aware of is that we are so oriented to the “right or wrong” instead of realizing that Spirit can work with anything and everything.

    M: Ahhhhh….

    D: You could not take it out of fear and you are adding fear to your little guy. You could take it out of fear and you are adding fear to your little guy. You could take it out of love and be adding love. You could not take it out of love and be adding love. Make sense?

    M: Yes, and then what is my next best step. Maybe sit with it some more.

    D: When you find your center of peace, you will act from that. Make that your best step. I am certainly navigating this as well — with all of the medication John is on.

    M: Yes, I can feel that. I certainly appreciate your sharing your journey.

    Opening the Daily Word this morning, essentially the same message comes through in Colossians 3:14: Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

    This is called equanimity in Buddhism: Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. As in,”She accepted both the pleasant and the unpleasant with equanimity.”

    Perhaps our true mystic nature is awakening from it’s caterpillar stage. After all, you are already a butterfly….
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    P.S. Permission to share this from one of the Zoom attendees:

    I had an extraordinary experience in our little group. I turned three times and this painting just unfolded in 15 minutes!

    Thought of your writings today. Once I’d finished the painting, I looked outside and the trees and the leaves everywhere looked even more vibrant. Wow! It felt like, as we as humans become more awake, all of the flora, fauna, trees etc will flourish!!!

  • Treasure this Day

    If what I say resonates with you,
    it’s because
    we are both branches of the same tree.

    ~ W. B. Yeats

    I’m not a “follower” of astrology, but MANY years ago something occurred that led me to respect the wisdom there.

    Decades ago now, driving home on a snowy day, the roads were glare ice. Less than a block from home, I was blinded by a cloud of snow by a person blowing out his driveway. I rear-ended the car stopped to make a left-hand turn onto a side street. I was not considered at fault due to the unusual conditions and I did not receive a citation. But when I opened the paper a bit later at home, still shaken, my horoscope for the day read: The highway will not be a happy place for you today. Be careful, even on short trips.

    And now a warning?

    Perhaps just a coincidence, or more likely something ancient and pure and worthy of being reported in the bible as announcing the coming of Jesus.

    Yesterday’s comment by a friend about the current astrological line-up led me to look up The Cosmic Tides by Leah Whitehorse. Here is an excerpt from April 9, 2022: It’s imperative to take time out to reconnect with the emotional body before direct action. That way, we can tune into our gut instinct which tells us where to best place our energy and effort. There will be time enough to conquer goals and fight the good fight. Be tender with yourself. Listen to your feelings. Know where you belong. Never doubt that you are strong enough. Nothing can extinguish your inner flame.

    We have snow again today!

    Thought for Today from Deep Spring Center for Meditation:

      It is valuable to sit in private meditation. It is lovely to walk in the woods or on a warm and sandy beach and enjoy that beauty and sense of connection. Your joy at those moments does offer light, does have real value. But at physical levels it does not touch the fundamental deprivation in the world. How can you allow that connection with spirit to begin to transform the world? This does not mean you should not take holidays, but your work is in the world. How do you bring joy and love back into the stressful situations? Would you worship a hollow god that stands above the world, superior to the world, that will not get its feet dirty? Would you strive to pull yourself up to those heights and leave the world to suffer with itself in the dark alleys? Or do you give your love to a loving God, a God willing to partake in pain through entering the human illusion?

      ~ Aaron

    A couple of days of hard work has rendered our tiny house clean and neat and ready for visitors. It is funny that our seasonal home on Bounty Lane is the larger space. Just as we squeeze back into 1,120 square feet, we continue to share one vehicle (writing all of our “times I need the car” on the calendar hanging on the kitchen wall).

    Already this morning I have done 45 minutes of chanting and some yoga. I will at some point go over to the community room and ride the stationary bike while John walks on the treadmill. We await warm weather that welcomes walking and biking in the beautiful Michigan outdoors.

    Treasure this day and treasure yourself.
    Truly, neither will ever happen again.

    ~ Ray Bradbury (Gratefulness.org “Word for the Day” April 9, 2022)

  • The Practice of Life

    Last evening’s Group 2 was only five of us out of thirteen. I am not sure what qualifies as a quorum, but I am sure all thirteen of us were actively involved in the practice of LIFE.

    Our meeting times were set at the first of the year but the evening before our meeting we received an announcement from our spiritual teacher/s: Aaron and Friends invite you to join an evening of conversation and meditation in support of Ukraine and our beloved Earth.

    A few of the 13 were called to attend that gathering. I understood that completely. A couple expressed inability to attend either. I understood that as well. One person expressed a strong desire to meet as our small group AND to dedicate some of our time in support. I opened the Zoom room.

    Our time together is so significant. This small band of merry (and sometimes not so merry) men and women share a commitment to awakening as we share love and compassion and encouragement.

    Some conversation addressed the angst that our Tuesday territory has been affected by a change in the Deep Spring Center for Meditation teacher’s schedule, and especially that our group has had several times when a larger group event was scheduled in conflict. But where is the conflict? Is the conflict on the calendar or in our minds? Every moment of every day we have choice. We choose what lane to drive in, what to have for lunch, and what to feel and think about what we are experiencing.

    As the four representatives expressed our individual perspectives on the schedule challenges and on the sense of loss of time to be together, and the missing of several members who have not made a group for quite a while, I watched my reactions. I saw compassion rise. I also saw sadness. I am certainly navigating loss. And I am not the only one. In fact, I am not even one me. I anything other than?

    Is Ukraine other than me?

    Is our beloved earth other than me?

    Adyahanti speaks about the trained and learned way of experiencing life. The talk I listened to today is titled “The Prism of Me.”

    “Egoing” is a kind of skill that we learned well, unfortunately….”

    “We are brought into the erroneous conclusion that ideas of ourselves are ourselves….”

    Awareness and an open heart sees the one human experience as each point of view expressed.

    Today, and every day,conditions give rise to thoughts and emotions. Thoughts and emotions can become distorted into an identity. Once an identity has been formed, fear takes over and drives our thoughts and emotions.

    “Even a very well-adapted me is at some level being driven by fear….”

    The people of Ukraine, this beloved earth, everyone in Group 2, and every being is a reflection of LIFE/GOD/LOVE.

    This morning I saw a snake as I was on my bike ride. I stopped and took some photos. I did not want to frighten the snake, but I wanted it to move so the video would show it was alive. I spoke aloud, “Don’t be scared. You are OK.” I told John I was not sure if I was talking to the snake or to myself.

    Is the snake other than me?

    It has been a gradual thing, taking my practice off the mat and into the moments of my life. I could watch how much we wanted things to be other than how they were. What a loss to miss loving life as it is. Sometimes pleasant, sometimes painful, sometimes not much of either.

    We learned that the owner of our winter home lost his father in January. All these weeks he has been checking in with me asking how John is doing. I am feeling sad for his loss.

    Is he other than me?

    Whether awake or asleep,
    we are in constant communication
    with someone not of this world.
    ~ Pam and Alan Johnson

  • Very Timely

    Sacred Stories

    Aaron’s “Thought for Today” was very timely.

      Practice with as much love and attention as possible, for yourselves and all beings. Your presence here at a retreat is such a gift. Some of you may be thinking, ‘I am leaving my family. I’m taking time away from those who need me.’ They need you much more awake and enlightened than they need you crabby and confused. Use this week well to find the love and wisdom in your heart so that you can bring it fully into your lives.

    The week-long Healing Workshop was starting that morning….

    She wrote to a friend who is involved in the materials: “The retreat starts today and I am VERY curious if the way Aaron’s Daily Quotes get selected are still random or if that has changed. In ways too deep for words, it is important for me to know the truth about this.”

    Her friend responded: “I know! Can you believe it?? What are the odds? The program is certainly random, and it seems unlikely anyone would be able to override it very easily or would think of this quote, to do so. Maybe Spirit pushed this one forth! Only they know; you could ask Barbara/Aaron. She probably noticed it also.”

    (Aaron’s Thought for Today is part of the program of Deep Spring Center for Meditation.)

  • I Surrender

    Entry from my journal: Tuesday, January 18, 2022 @ 3:37 am:

    Dear Holy Spirit,

    I am awake and in the TV room listening to Karen Drucker’s “I Surrender.”

      I will surrender to my greatest highest good.

      I will release every fear that’s in my way…

      and I am grateful every moment of every day.

    I spoke with my doctor late last evening. I had called because my blood pressure had spiked the past few days. At home in my pantry is a prescription bottle of an anti-anxiety medication she prescribed for me in 2017 when this had happened. I took one once, and I have carried one with me in my purse every day since. I took 1/2 on Sunday, and 1/2 on Monday, but the pressure was still elevated when Linda B/G checked it last evening.

    I love that my doctor knows my blood pressure goes up because of anxiety, rather than thinking it is organic. When she prescribed the anti-anxiety medication in 2017, she said, “Anxiety driven blood pressure doesn’t respond well to the classes of medications normally used to lower blood pressure.” And that list is long: Diuretics; Beta-blockers; ACE inhibitors; and Vasodilators, just to name a few.

    Of course, John’s recent experience of having had severe “silent” coronary artery disease (CAD) has triggered my childhood pattern of being terrified of all things medical. Now that we are home and things are moving along smoothly, this current tremendous anxiety is a result of my having just gone through everything with him. Waking up early Saturday morning to not-one-but-two tornado warnings blasting on our phones probably added insult to injury…

    My doctor said she is not worried about me. She has years of good blood pressure readings taken in her office by her nurse. She assured me they have done research about the spouse of a heart patient going through this sort of thing.

    I took 1/2 of one 2mg Valium (with permission) and I went to bed optimistic about getting a good night’s sleep. I went to sleep, but I woke up in massive ANXIETY. While there were no conscious thoughts of scary things, I could feel my body in high alert, totally overrun with adrenaline.

    I grabbed my phone, popped in my earbuds, and began tapping along with some Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) audios. After a couple of shorts — including Tapping Universal Reversals — without much measurable benefit. Then I tapped through FEELING SAFE IN YOUR BODY with Nick Ortner. During the 6 minute 50 second closing I began to feel a shift. I repeated that part. I repeated it again. And again.

    Conditions came to mind: womb trauma when my mom had syphilis and was a terrified inpatient; being traumatized by hospitalization in isolation after the diagnosis of polio at age five; the out-of-body experience at age 12 when I was in the auto accident; the terror I felt during the trip to Europe in 2011. An avalanche of more minor situations that reveal the deeper structure of anxiety also came forth in my mind. When one is driven by amygdala hijacking, even choosing the ‘right’ color of paint can feel like a life-or-death situation.

    I felt my body releasing the pattern and welcoming bliss back.

    My niece, who has recently shared her life-long struggle with anxiety and depression, came to my mind over and over. I had said to John a few day ago I was feeling like I need to reach out to her.

    My nephew, who has used drugs to combat severe anxiety, resulting in his having multiple incarcerations, came to mind.

    And so many others….

    I began listening to the Surrogate Tapping audio, and I said out loud to myself, “I dedicate the merit of this to all who suffer from anxiety…” Jesica Ortner’s words encircled my body and soothed my mind:

    …. This is a blessing in disguise and I am so grateful…. I let go of my need to control this situation….

    I can feel some hints of integration as I listen.

    ….As I heal in the presence of darkness, we are all uplifted….

    I wonder if this pattern of fear and anxiety might actually be a part of our collective divine mission.

    ….I no longer live the lie; the lie that I don’t have what it takes; the lie that others don’t have what it takes….

    I can still hear the refrain of Karen Drucker singing I surrender to my greatest highest good in the background of my mind’s ear. I can feel myself breathing! I look and my heart rate on my Fitbit is showing 67 beats per minute!

    My grandson, Brad, comes to mind. He has spoken of his own awareness of this pattern of anxiety-driven achievement.

    ….This person has what it takes to have what they want….I have faith that this person I love will do what’s right for them. The outcome is greater than I could have ever imagined so I let go of my need to predict. I let go of my need to control. Everything is in divine order. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise.

    When the surrogate tapping audio is finished, I open my email and read two “Thought-for-today” messages that speak directly to my current experience.

    Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now. ~ Lin-Manuel Miranda (from Gratefulness.org)

    Get to know fear. What is fear? It’s very interesting. Fear is always about what might happen, not much about what’s happening right now. When you’re present in the moment there may be discomfort, even real pain or sadness, but not a lot of fear. Fear is about your projections. ~ Aaron (from Deep Spring Center for Meditation)

    And when I turn on the computer to write this Yellow Brick Road post, this is the random screen saver image I am looking at. And I surrender to my greatest highest good….

  • The Radiance of the Outside World

    Thought for Today

    If you live in the moment with fear,
    ‘What if this doesn’t work? What if that happens?’,
    your fear contracts your energy field.

    When thusly contracted, the light can’t pour out of you.

    Equally important, you are armored and the radiance of the outside world cannot pour in.
    ~ Aaron

    From my journal this morning:

      Dear Holy Spirit,

      I went to bed early. John stayed up later and when he came to bed I got awake and was restless. Knowing we both need rest, I went in to the guest bedroom.

      I did an internet search of coughing after bypass surgery. Some said it could last weeks and that it is very much a beneficial part of the healing and recovery.

      I listened to the tapping audio by Dawson Church and fell asleep.

      I looked at my watch the first time at 1:13 and saw that the date was January 13. That silly coincidence of it being 1:13 on 1/13 captured my attention.

      Earlier in the evening John had dozed off in the recliner in the TV room. He was so still…. I spoke his name softly. He did not respond. I called his name a bit more loudly. Nothing!

      So, I rubbed his leg, saying his name gently until he woke up. I said, “Sorry to wake you up. I was nervous.”

      A few days ago he moaned in the bathroom and scared me. A yawn, a moan, a grown…. a grunt…. a sigh, even silence all carries with it a dab of dread. He seems to understand how care and concern has blown itself into a sort of hyper-vigilance.

      How long might this rob me of the full joy and relief of these moments we are blessed with?

      None of us are promised anything more.

      Is this enough?

      Will I discard the gift of this sweet bliss in the field of forever fear?

      I hope not.

    I also saw the clock at 3:13! In Europe, they put the date before the month.

    I got up at 5:55 and this day has had moments of feeling almost normal.

    “Courage is being scared to death … and saddling up anyway.” — John Wayne

  • The One Heart We All Share

    I just attended a 3-day Vipassana retreat with Barbara Brodsky, Aaron, and John Orr, “The One Heart We All Share.” This was the online description:

    What is this one heart we all share? It is our true nature, the essence of our being, which is love and light. Meditation is one effective way of coming to know this inner light of our divinity that is infused with love and pervades everything. Once we come to know our true nature, we develop, through practice, the ability to rest in it more stably. Then we can live more continuously from this heart of wisdom, love and compassion and truly come to know it as the One Heart we all share.

    I have previously mentioned the saying, “For those who understand no explanation is necessary. For those who do not understand no explanation is possible.”

    Some research indicates the saying came from Thomas Aquinas. Saint Thomas Aquinas believed that the existence of God could be proven in five ways, mainly by:
    1) observing movement in the world as proof of God, the “Immovable Mover”;
    2) observing cause and effect and identifying God as the cause of everything;
    3) concluding that the impermanent nature of beings proves the existence of God.

    The original quote was not about ‘understanding’ but about religious belief, specifically “faith.” The original quote is, “To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”

    It is amazing to me how perspective differs, but what is does not. For example, this cartoon that Linda B/G shared recently.

    At the retreat, the teachers spoke about the nature of karma.

    I remember the nature of karma;

    I am born of karma, I am heir to karma, I abide in karma, and I am supported by karma.

    When I act with intention, I am the owner of my actions and inherit their results.

    My future is born from such actions, and their results will be my home.

    All actions with intention, be they skillful or harmful, of such acts will I be the heir.

    While karma is not a term used in Christianity, it is certainly there in Galatians, Chapter 6, Verse 7: “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”

    One of the mystical experiences common to retreat for me, regardless of the theme, is that I will have a foreshadowing of a teaching point to come. I will write in my journal an insight, then hear the teacher/s speak that to the group.

    Sharing (with permission) the words of one student:

    In all the years I had been practicing, it was suddenly like, “Oh, oh….” because I was in that place.

    I realized grief isn’t just an intense feeling, it is actually a REALM. I was in this place, and it wasn’t here and it wasn’t the other side. I was somewhere in between and this portal kept opening up, and when it did my heart would just explode out.

    I knew, too, that the process of grief for me was a rite of passage, it was something that was changing me.

    In our culture, we are encouraged to sort of get over grief and get back to our lives. That this is a measure of our mental health – how fast you can get back as if nothing has happened. I knew intuitively that this was just nonsense. That I did not want to be the same person I was before my father died. I wanted to be different in the world going forward after that.

    This student and you and I, like Mary Reed, are likely becoming unwitting mystics…

    In a recent interview Mary Reed was asked to name three things she wished everyone could experience before we die. The interviewer did a short animation video of her response, which added a fun, unexpected dimension to Mary’s answer. See: Three Things to Be Experienced Before We Die

    The first day of the retreat was the 49th day since Jerry Basham passed. In Buddhism, we chant that person’s name along with gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha! Gone, Gone, to the other shore, the shore of liberation.

    When I came out of silence and caught up on messages and social media, my sister-in-law had posted this:

    Your Loved One in Heaven
    by Sean Dietrich

    Hi. This is your late loved one speaking. I don’t have long, so listen up because I have a lot I want to tell you.

    First off, I get it.

    Ever since I left this world you have missed me, and I know you’re bracing for the holidays without me. No matter what anyone says, this year’s festivities are going to be really tough.

    In fact, let’s be honest, this festive season will probably suck pondwater. But then, Thanksgiving and Christmas are tough holidays for a lot of people. You’re not alone.

    See, the misconception about the holidays is that they are one big party. That’s what every song on the radio claims. Each television commercial you see shows happy families clad in gaudy Old Navy sweaters, carving up poultry, smiling their perfect Hollywood teeth at the camera. But that’s not exactly reality.

    In reality, fifty-eight percent of Americans admit to feeling severely depressed and anxious during November and December. In reality many folks will cry throughout the “most wonderful time of the year.”

    Well, guess what? Nobody is crying up here in heaven. This place is unreal. There is, literally, too much beauty to take in. Way too much.

    For starters—get this—time doesn’t even exist anymore. Which I’m still getting used to.

    Right now, for all I know, the calendar year down on Earth could be 1728, 4045, 1991, or 12 BC. It really wouldn’t matter up here. This is a realm where there is no ticking clock, no schedule. Up here there is only this present moment. This. Here. Now. That’s all there has ever been. And there is real comfort in this.

    I know this all seems hard to grasp, but if you were here you’d get it.

    Also, for the first time I’m pain free. I feel like a teenager again in my body. You probably don’t realize how long I’ve lived with pain because I never talked about it, I kept my problems to myself because I was your loved one, and you needed me to be brave.

    But pain is a devious thing. It creeps up on even the strongest person, little by little, bit by bit. Until pretty soon, pain becomes a central feature of life.

    Sometimes my pain would get so bad it was all I thought about. No, I’m not saying that my life was miserable—far from it. I loved being on earth. It’s just that simply waking up each morning was getting exhausting.

    But, you know what? Not anymore. In this new place, I am wholly and thoroughly happy.

    But enough about me. I don’t have room to describe all the terrific things I’m experiencing, and you don’t need to hear them. Right now, you’re grieving, and what you need is a hug.

    Which is why I’m writing to you. This is my hug to you. Because you’ve lost sight of me. And in fact, you’ve lost sight of several important things lately.

    Death has a way of blinding us. It reorganizes the way you think, it changes you. You will never be the same after you lose someone. It messes with your inner physiology. It reorganizes you’re neurons.

    But then, there’s one teensy little thing you’re forgetting:

    I’m still around.

    Yes, you read that correctly, I’m right here with you. No, you can’t see me. No, you can’t reach out and hold me. But did you know that one of the things I’m allowed to do as a heavenly being is hang out with you?

    It’s true. I’m never far away. I’m in the room with you now, along with a big cloud of ancestors, saints, and witnesses. I’m shooting the breeze alongside you, watching you live your life, watching you raise your kids, watching your private moments of sorrow.

    Here, in this new realm, I am in the perfect position to help you learn things. Which is what I vow to spend the rest of your earthly life doing, teaching you little lessons, lending you a hand when you least expect it, and desperately trying to make you smile. Actually, I’ve already been doing this stuff, you just don’t realize it.

    What, you don’t believe me?

    Well, wake up, pal. You know that tingle you get in your spine whenever you think of me? That’s me.

    You know how, just yesterday, you had a beautiful memory when you were driving and it made you cry so hard that it actually felt good and you began to laugh through tears? Also me.

    You know how sometimes when you’re all alone, preoccupied with something else, suddenly you get this faint feeling that someone is standing in the room with you? Hello? Me.

    You’re not alone on this earth. You never were. You never will be. So during this holiday season, when cheerful families are getting together and making merry, and taking shots of eggnog, I’m going to be clinging to your shoulder, helping you muddle through somehow.

    I’ll be making your spinal column tingle a lot, and I’ll be sending plenty of signs. Each of these signs—every single one—is code for “I love you.” So start paying attention to these hints.

    Because this was one.

    Well said, Sean. The one heart we all share….

  • Nothing Left to Forgive – COVID

    Jesus came to teach many things, but forgiveness is chief among them.

    And yet with compassion there is nothing left to forgive.

    Forgiveness is only needed when there is something held against another, some kind of blame.

    When you see deeply into another, that judgment falls away and there is nothing left to forgive.

    ~ Aaron

    John and I are back from taking our PCR (polymerase chain reaction) test checking for Covid. The results should be back in about 20 hours, but the roller-coaster of symptoms leave very little doubt.

    On Wednesday, as we were traveling back from a fantastic visit with Stacey and her family in Tennessee, she sent word that she had a headache and was suspicious. We had plans for dinner with friends, Linda and Larry, so she would test before that. She had a positive home antigen test.

    John and I went into self-quarantine, and in about 24 hours, I began to have symptoms. John was about a day behind me.

    Deepest gratitude for EVERYTHING Linda and Larry have been doing to support our recovery, often anticipating our needs before or while we were not even able to articulate them.

    I bow down to each and EVERYONE who prayed, sent distant healing, held energy for our recovery. And kudos to my Dharma Sister, Doctor friend, and her endless text support. I told her I need to put her on retainer….

    After 12 hours of violent vomiting, during which I was unable to tolerate even water — and an UNRELENTING excruciating headache — a welcome whiff of relief came. I have never tasted anything more wonderful than the first sips of 7-Up that stayed down. I am still running a low-grade temperature, with mostly respiratory stuff now, like a bad summer cold. John reports feeling weak, tired, and we both have a very diminished appetite. And a diminished sense of smell.

    But today I put on my apron and made breakfast sausage for John. And I did a load of laundry.

    Such a tender heart for our daughter Stacey.

    She has had such a difficult time with our hyper vigilance, and then for our exposure and contracting Covid to be a result of our visit with her. The compassion has spawned MANY tears as she and I FaceTime during our mutual quarantine, checking up on one another.

    This morning I wrote in my journal: “This isn’t so bad if not for the need to be constantly vigilant that things may have taken a turn for the worse. I finally feel the need to write about all of this.”

    I assured Stacey I take full responsibility for having put myself at risk. Her, “I am so sorry…” led us both to the profound compassion Jesus taught that there is nothing left to forgive.

    This is the odd part.

    When we went to grandson, Brad’s, band concert, John and I stayed double masked. His band rocked the house, and we wore our Apache Jericho shirts proudly!


    Later that evening, it was such joy to watch our granddaughter, Courtney, and her Bride’s Tribe head out for an evening of country line dancing.

    It never entered my mind to consider lateral risk.

    I am sooooooooo grateful to Stacey for being vigilant and protecting Linda and Larry (and any others) from exposure through John and me.

    We were treated with such kindness today by the young woman who took our nasal swab. We went in together, sat in the same wide chair, and she called it a strange kind of date. She was so gentle with me, much more than I had been with myself when I administered the home antigen test.

    Compassion wells up in my heart and makes my eyes leak.

    Words cannot begin to express how thankful I am that Stacey had chosen to get the Johnson & Johnson vaccine for me while she was here in Michigan the first week of August. In fact, she received that shot 3 weeks to-the-day of her testing positive!

    As we are all still recovering, we are recognizing so many gifts in this, and that is likely to continue for some time.

    In addition to donating my “Covid-Created” long hair to Wigs For Kids at some point, Stacey mentioned donating convalescent plasma.

    Sounds like a very good way of making lemonade out of lemons….