Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • A Heart that Hurts

    There are opportunities
    even in the most difficult moments.

    ~ Wangari Maathai

    It has been a busy couple of weeks. We left Michigan on Monday, November 21, and have been staying with Stacey and Doug here in Smyrna, Tennessee. We had an easy trip down, and we had a wonderful Thanksgiving Dinner with all of the kids on Friday. Things took an unexpected turn a few days ago…. seems as though I was not complete with that yeast infection and the remorse.

    The itchy face began again in earnest. By Tuesday morning, my face was quite red and dry, itching and burning. Wednesday morning, November 30, I woke up with my entire face inflamed and so severely swollen I am barely recognizable. (Note – I have attached a photo. If you receive Yellow Brick Road by email you will have to click on the title and follow the link to the website to see it. I warn you, it is not pretty….)

    Not a coincidence that this event occurred five months to the day since I last had a FaceTime call with Joel, this after over twenty years of almost daily contact, including many, many trips to trainings, conferences, and speaking engagements. Mind you, I made the decision that the kindest thing might be for me to stop trying so hard to maintain contact given the increased dementia that resulted in his move to be near his son.

    The team at American Family Care was so kind and very thorough. Soon after a steroid injection I was looking more like myself and feeling a whole lot better. I am on a 14-day aggressive program, hopefully this will both ease the yeast out without triggering another histamine storm. They are speaking the truth when they stay skin is the largest, most sensitive organ of the human body.

    From my journal yesterday morning at 3:33 am EST:

      Dear Holy Spirit,

      I open email to the Gratefulness.org Word for the Day: The flower is always the bud’s undoing. Let it go. Pavithra K. Mehta wrote that. She is a writer-filmmaker, in a family of 21 (and still counting) eye surgeons. This might explain her fondness for stories that help people see…

      This is to be the theme of the conversion pages as we leave a legacy of SCS-Matters on line for the world.

      I watched the CBS Morning interview with actor and comedian, Rob Delaney. Rob’s heart-wrenching memoir is titled A Heart that Works. The title was taken from the lyrics of the song by Juliana Hatfield, Universal Heartbeat: A heart, a heart that hurts, is a heart, a heart that works. Rob’s son, Henry, died at two-and-one-half years of life from a brain tumor on Rob’s birthday.

      It has been five months since I last spoke to Joel on FaceTime….

    I draw to find meaning from the pain, and I write to share meaning with others. There are opportunities even in the most difficult moments.

    The drawing is titled “No Blame, No Shame.” There is a thought bubble with the words, “What did I (or you) (or anyone) do to deserve this pain?”

    The face has one tear and the red, swollen, itchy realty of my current face.

    I write in the first of the Four Noble Truths: Everybody suffers just like you.

    I ponder what has me awake. The coughing spell (our Jackson had a bad cold with fever and coughing when he got here on Friday and first Doug, and then I got a cold)? The five-month anniversary of last speaking to Joel? The haunting remorse of my choice to not try and force contact?

    I notice a slight uphill to the words on the page. I misspell hallelujah and have to look it up. (Ha! I misspelled it when keying it in just now, too.)

    I change the description from uphill to upward slant.

    As the heat of the histamine storm releases, perhaps my heart is easing into a steady beat of loving what is, even if I’m not able to enjoy it.

    I add the lyrics to “Universal Heartbeat” by Juliana Hatfield: A heart that hurts, is a heart, a heart that works.

    I draw a sun in the upper right corner of the page and add: The sun shines even on a rainy day.

    Along the left margin I write: I am not ashamed to share my messes with the masses. It is beautiful to know you are not alone. I add arrows and the words: No more red marking pens.


    I have attached a photo of the drawing. Remember to click on the title and follow the link to the website if you want to see it.

    This morning’s Daily Quote from Aaron really speaks to my heart: “Remember that your energy does touch everything in the world. When you are caught up in fear, that frightened energy reverberates around the globe. When you feel compassion and lovingkindness, that energy spreads around the globe.”

    A heart that hurts is a heart that works.

  • Drawn to the Desert

    Sacred Stories

    She was feeling such disappointment, hurt, and anger. Her husband had essentially told her he could not support her plans to go to Morocco. Her daughter felt the same way, “You are too old. That ship has sailed….”

    Pouring out her heart about all of this the following day, her sister listened and expressed compassion, then asked her to speak of what the idea of the trip meant to her. “Almost like a vision quest. Out of my comfort zone. Wanting to prove to myself I am capable. Learning a lot about fear. I have a heart connection with the friend I have met online and I would like to meet her. I want to go to the desert.”

    Her sister looked up ‘desert spiritual meaning’ and read out loud to her essentially all her heart had just spoken!

    The desert symbolizes survival, creativity, clarity, revelations, loneliness, and overcoming life’s greatest obstacles.

    Metaphorically, the desert is a place of testing and transformation, of being divested of empire and ego. In the desert experience, the dreams, goals, and visions of the false self can be seen clearly, sometimes for the first time. The desert symbolizes the terrain in which we unlearn empire spirituality.

    Wow….

    “You have a clear sense of what it is for you,” her sister said, fully understanding the feelings of disappointment and anger. “It might be helpful to be clear on that intention and be open to multiple ways to integrate all of this in your life. It seems that thinking there is only one way something can happen is the ego and the empire spirituality the symbolism is describing.”

    Even with the feelings still present, she could see truth in that.

    The following morning her sister’s supposedly-randomly-selected screen saver was a desert scene, and this message from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency shared by a friend spoke so succinctly of the situation:

    Too often, we try to gain a clear perspective before it is time. That will make us crazy. We do not always know why things are happening the way they are….

    Today, I will let things happen without trying to figure everything out. If clarity is not available to me today, I will trust it to come later, in retrospect. I will put simple trust in the truth that all is well, events are unfolding as they should, and all will work out for good in my life—better than I can imagine.

  • Rest in Me

    Sacred Stories

    Her toddler great-grandson had been going through serious health issues for the past few weeks. Her Yellow Brick Road (blog) post that morning had been about meeting the chaos in the world by resting, not wrestling. Here is a brief excerpt:

    Thinking outside of the box, moving through experiences with presence, having an open heart, listening without judgment — these are the transformative results of RESTING.

    Resting. Not wrestling.

    Go to http://scs-matters.com/YellowBrickRoad/all-of-the-rest/ to read the full post.

    Shortly after her post went live, the following words appeared on her Facebook feed:

    God is saying to you today…
    REST IN ME.
    I will turn around every bad situation
    in your life.
    I will bless you and your family,
    and I will heal what needs to be healed.
    Amen!

  • All of the Rest

    Well, the itching that I endured during an eight-day silent meditation retreat was not contact dermatitis after all. AND a yeast infection can be made worse because topical corticosteroids weaken the skin’s defenses and allow yeast infections to invade deeper into the skin. This week I have been on three prescriptions (oral and topical) and I am almost totally itch-free. This all ties in so well with themes from the “Awakening – As Sudden, Gradual and Both” Deep Spring retreat, and with a conversation begun this week with the Chairman of the Board for the Samuel U. Rodgers Health Center – a federally qualified health center in Kansas City, Missouri.

    You see, as Barbara Brodsky stated so clearly, “Its not the agitation that is a problem, its the aversion to the agitation.”

    Barbra continued, “The mind that is constantly worried about it is not part of the solution. The mind in stillness is.”

    And then, “The only way we can resolve any of this is within ourselves.”

    On the first day of the retreat, Saturday, October 29. 2022, Jackson (our 22 month old great grandson) had a seizure in the parking garage of Children’s Hospital at Erlanger in Chattanooga, Tennessee, where he had been admitted on the evening of Monday, October 24. He was airlifted to Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee.

    On the last day of the retreat, Saturday, November 5, 2022, he was re-admitted into PICU and placed on a vent.

    “Sometimes you can not fix it. Sometimes you are living life one strobe light after another…” Aaron was speaking of Barbara’s having been awakened shortly after falling asleep many times hour-after-hour by a flashing, vibrating, strobe light. “She could not control the outcome. She could control what was inside her own heart.”

    The folks in Kansas City are justified in being frustrated by the snafu in the system that leaves entire populations under-served and individual persons with less-than-optimal lives. But, every moment of agitation adds agitation to the universe. The world’s waters are chaotic.

    Barbara Marx Hubbard told folks to ask what you are born to do and then follow the compass of joy. Samuel Ulysses Rodgers did just that. (See: More Than a Doctor: The Extraordinary Life of Samuel Ulysses Rodgers) The book demonstrates, through family stories of triumph over adversity, that core family values are the cornerstone of character essential to integrity-filled leadership.

    Rodgers is not the only one who has a destiny to make a difference. One of India’s greatest spiritual teachers, Neem Karoli Baba, opened Larry’s heart and told him his destiny was to work for the World Health Organization to help eradicate killer smallpox. He would never have believed he would become a key player in eliminating a 10,000-year-old disease that killed more than half a billion people in the 20th century alone. Larry’s story, and his last name, is chronicled in Sometimes Brilliant: The Impossible Adventure of a Spiritual Seeker and Visionary Physician Who Helped Conquer the Worst Disease in History. Check out his TED talks about smallpox and Covid, and see if you might want to buy the book.

    More importantly, please buy the truth: every moment of agitation adds agitation to the universe.

    Thinking outside of the box, moving through experiences with presence, having an open heart, listening without judgment — these are the transformative results of RESTING.

    Resting. Not wrestling.

    I laugh about the many iterations of what we call everything other than allopathic medicine: alternative (coined by the AMA), holistic, integrative, functional…. the best comment I ever heard was when someone asked a doctor whether he practiced holistic medicine. He said, “Medicine is either effective or ineffective, nothing else.” Whether patient, doctor, nurse, care-giver — it is clear the system is in chaos. I could write a book about the ways a one-size-fits-all approach works (as well as with pantyhose). But, wrestling with it only strengthens it.

    When I was a spokesperson for (at that time) holistic health in our wider community, I would say that a true holistic model considered the best of the West, and all of the rest.

    My friend, Anna Marie, said imagine living with awareness of the wisdom within: “Somewhere in that person’s life, he or she has available the next thing needed.” I have said it only slightly differently: “There is no right thing for every one, but there is a right thing for this person at this moment.”

    The love and support that is holding space for our Jackson is palpable. You could walk across water and never get wet we are being so held up. We do not know what the next moment will bring for him, or for us.

    Jackon enjoying reading with G-pa
    at Vanderbilt Tuesday, November 8, 2022.

    What do I want to bring to the next moment? Awareness. Presence. An open heart.

    Flight of the Garuda conveys the heart advice of one of the most beloved nonsectarian masters of Tibet, Shabkar.

    This self awareness is naturally free from the very first. How amazing that it is liberated by just resting — at ease in whatever happens!
    ~ The Flight of the Garuda

  • Takes Teamwork

    Sacred Stories

    She was a bit rushed as she finished blow-drying her hair and reached to remove her curling iron from the bottom drawer. The plug to the cord was stuck on something. She wrestled with it and tried without success to get it freed before hearing the internal message to stop struggling so much and get down to a better position.

    “Now, slow down a bit. Be easier. Quit trying so hard….” a stream of encouragement poured into her consciousness through her mind’s ear.

    Rolling up the small rug, she knelt on the floor in front of the drawers. Reaching into the underneath of the drawer above, she could feel the end of the plug. Tracing the cord, however, she could not feel any port of release. The thought came that perhaps the plug was sideways and needed just to be turned in the other direction. It took a lot of doing – she had essentially only two fingers to work with. The conclusion was clear: the plug did not come free in either direction.

    “They need to move forward together….” she heard clearly.

    Easing her left hand under the upper drawer, she was able to use her right hand to hold the cord while wedging her right elbow into the corner of the lower drawer. With gently push and slow and steady pressure, both drawers were able to slide forward in the same movement.

    The plug was set free!

    Henry Ford said, “If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself.”

    Yep, takes teamwork….

  • Lord Only Knows

    Sacred Stories

    After much unknown — whether or not they would be going to Florida for the winter following the devastation of the community where they had been going for over a decade — an alternate location was secured and dates for departure set. They would be leaving in a mere 10 days and there was sooooo much to do.

    She sent a text message to their niece,”We would love to see you and your mom (their sister-in-love), and Lisa (their other niece) and her mom (their other sister-in-love) before we head south. I know it is short notice, but wondering if tomorrow might be an option. Checking with you and your mom before reaching out to Lisa and her mom. Up there or somewhere down here…. I guess Lisa would be working so maybe some time for either a collaborative meal, or a meal out, or just a welcome visit.”

    “Either day is open for me. I have an appointment from 11-noon, but I am open after that,” came Krista’s response. “I will check with mom.”

    “Mom has a hair appointment but that should be done by 9:30, so tomorrow works for her, too.”

    Lisa’s quick reply was such a beautiful blessing: “That works for me, I have the day off work tomorrow. Let’s meet in the middle!”

    And then an affirmative, “That sounds good to me,” from Lisa’s mom.

    If they had tried to plan a day to fit into everyone’s schedule, Lord only knows when that would have been.

    Yes, Lord only knows….

    Do not be anxious about anything,
    but in every situation,
    by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
    present your requests to God.
    ~ Philippians 4:6

  • West Coast Casa

    Sacred Stories

    So, when she first made it to their “West Coast Casa” after their weekend community took a direct hit from Hurricane Ian, the sign that had a prominent place right next to the door, had been a casualty. That sign had so much sentimental value.

    Sifting through the devastation, she was able to find three pieces out of the five pieces. She honestly thought that it was just a total loss because of the enormous damage from the wind and the storm surge. A neighbor’s boat was found a few streets away, while his boat trailer had stayed in the yard!

    Who knew where the other pieces would/could be?

    Two weeks went by, and while they were helping their next door neighbor by picking up the debris in her back yard, she found one piece! She was so happy, she still had some hope that she would find the other piece that was missing. She looked and looked in both yards, and between the two….

    Some time went by. Debris was being piled in the streets and picked up and hauled away. She had made peace that she was not going to find the missing piece. She reached out to the artist who make this one for them, inquiring whether she could just replace the missing piece for them. Or, she would just buy another.

    Many of their neighbors don’t live in Florida year round and have not been able to get to their properties yet. She has been taking photos and videos, and for the neighbors kitty corner from them, she’s even been going into the house a few times to check on things for them. This week, those neighbors asked if she and her husband would go check on the lanai and open up some windows.

    As she and her husband were walking toward the lanai, he started screaming. When she turned around, he was grinning from ear-to-ear and holding up the missing piece to their sign!

    That last piece….

    Found!

    DEE & ANT’S
    WEST COAST CASA
    Est. 2015

    “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” ~ Galatians 6:9

  • Birds at Oakwood

    The 8-day silent meditation retreat will take more than one Yellow Brick Road to share with readers. Day One included 22-month old, Jackson, our great grandson, being air-lifted from the hospital in Chattanooga to Vanderbilt after he had a seizure in the parking garage following discharge.

    Day Eight is complete with nurse Linda diagnosing the rash I have been plagued with all week as likely a yeast infection. I will spare you photos of that, but more about both of these strong catalysts are sure to appear at a later date….

    Birds were an active part of my inner process this past week, so I will share with you their respective totem meanings in the order of their appearance:

    1. Chickadee Meaning

    Lots of Chickadees were in the grasses out back when I went for a short walk on dinner break of the Deep Spring Center Oakwood-at-home retreat with Barbara Brodsky and John Orr, and a host of spirit friends, as well as dharma sisters and brothers.

    People with the chickadee totem animal are fiercely protective of their “flock.” This manifests itself as vigilance which can at times become excessive. It is crucial that people with this totem animal learn to recognize the difference between healthy caution and anxiety.

    Chickadee tells you to be cheerful and hold your head up in all situations. You can transform your life and dictate your outcomes by thinking positively.

    Click to hear the Chickadee.

    2. Swan Meaning

    Each day I would choose a “touch” stone. I held the swan rose quartz on Monday.

    You become aware of your own inner beauty. You also unfold the ability to bridge to other realms and powers. The swan medicine helps you see the beauty of yourself as well as of others despite outer appearances. And that ability makes you like a ‘magnet’ that draws other people to you.

    3. Woodpecker Meaning

    The woodpecker teaches us to look beneath the surface of things and to open up our minds to the hidden meanings, lessons, and opportunities that life on earth has to offer.

    4. Blue Jay Meaning

    Blue Jays relate to everything from strength to confidence to communication, depending on the context in which you see them. For some, these birds have the reputation of being loud, aggressive, and mean. However, certain cultures see them as lucky or a symbol of good things to come.

    5. Crow Meaning

    Crows show up to let you know that there are spiritual shifts happening around you and remind you to pay attention to the spiritual messages that are sent to guide you. They represent transformation, cycles, psychic tools, and insight into unseen realms. Crows are problem solvers and can help you tune into a solution when you are faced with a challenge.

    6. Sparrow Meaning

    As the carillon at Pilgrim UCC church on the corner nearby began playing, the Sparrows in the shrub just outside my window began to sing right along! I noted in my retreat journal that this was happening, and clearly I heard in my mind, “Would you miss my sweet song just because I’m so ordinary?”

    Surprising Sparrow facts.

    The sparrow totem animal is connected with unity, selflessness, and integrity. People with the sparrow as their totem tend to be great team players…

    The House Sparrow (Passer domesticus) is, in fact, one of the most common and widespread animals on this planet. Although our familiarity with these birds often desensitizes us to their beauty, these common birds are no less fascinating and beautiful.

    Sacred to the goddess Aphrodite of the Greek pantheon, to Vishnu in Hindu mythology, and both Branwen and Rhiannon in Welsh mythology, the sparrow’s common nature has earned it a place in cultural traditions around the world.

    7. Blue Grosbeak Meaning

    Okay, the Blue Grosbeak sighting was in the wonderful article by my friend, Hart Rufe. His article posted on November 1, but I just saw it today after the end of the retreat. You can access the column at: https://www.stlucieaudubon.org/hart-beat-2022. New with this column is access to all past columns right in the top of the current page

    Symbolic of many things, including faith, adaptability, romance, and good news; the grosbeak is an endless source of wisdom. Like all birds, grosbeaks teach us to appreciate the beauty and blessings of the natural world. Different grosbeak colors have different symbolic meanings. Rose feathers symbolize emotions and they tell you to find a heart song that will heal your pain. Blue and green feathers signify abundance, fortune, harmony, and the possibility of a wedding.

    It is my sacred intention for that wedding to be a union of each human being with the higher self. May the benefits of this retreat be a blessing to all beings.

    Thank you, Claudia Mierau, for sharing this beautiful poem from the book, Go In and In, by Danna Faulds.

      “Allow” by Danna Faulds

      There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado.
Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.
Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.

      Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground.
The only safety lies in letting it all in – 
the wild and the weak –
 fear, fantasies, failures, and success.

      When loss rips off the doors of the heart
 or sadness veils your vision with despair,
 practice becomes simply bearing the truth. In the choice to let go of your known way of being, the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.

  • Good Can Come From This

    This post was started on October 17, 2022. Today is now ten days later. I cannot explain fully what derailed my completing the entry, but, say only, a lot has changed during this interim. The post began with this:

      On Sunday, October 16, this loving blessing came through Barbara Brodsky:

      The Mother to Debra (10/16/2022)

      I love you.

      I know you heard what I said to the friend before you. The joys, the challenges, and with the challenge, “What gift have you brought me?”

      You are wise, My Dear One, and you understand that the challenge comes with a gift, but sometimes in your hurry to get through the challenge you don’t pause long enough to really see and to know the gift. Watch that fix-it mind that wants to push through it rather than pausing and saying, “Yes, ah…. Challenge, challenge. I am here to receive your gift.”

      And just rest there for a bit.

      The gifts reveal themselves to you but you’re still in a hurry to move through the challenge rather than experiencing the fullness of the gifts.

      “What gift have you brought me? Thank you. Thank you.”

      And it’s fine at the same time to say, “Yes, but this is too heavy for me right now so I wish to release it.” It’s fine to ask that, and the gift will return again in another form.

      I am with you and helping you. I love you.

    The “challenge” over the past few days surrounds our 22-month-old great grandson, Jackson. On Monday evening, October 24, Jackson had a seizure. He was taken by ambulance and admitted to Pediatric Intensive Care at Children’s Hospital at Erlanger in Chattanooga, Tennessee, where he has continued to have absence seizures, meaning they are detected on the EEG, but not by the human eye.

    Imagine a toddler with tubes and leads and restraints, and lots of pokes and lots of medications, and nothing at all normal…. that is where Himz (one of our nickname for Jackson) still is at the time of this post on Thursday morning, October 27.

    Of course, our concern and compassion is for Jackson, but also for his mom, our granddaughter, Courtney. And for our daughter, Stacey, Courtney’s mom. And for Jackson’s dad; Papa Bear, G-Pa…. Uncles, Brad and Adam. We are all shook to the core with these developments.

    John is so bonded to Jackson. Jackson was a major part of John’s healing goals when he went through the open-heart surgery in January. Getting to Tennessee in April on our way back to Michigan was about seeing Jackson.The color of Jackson’s favorite green blanket became a cue image for John’s recovery.

    This has been such a clear time for me of noticing myriad points of view in a single experience. My own childhood medical trauma (being hospitalized and treated for polio at age five); my terror when Stacey was about that age and face-planted into a fieldstone fireplace requiring a trip to the emergency room for stitches; month’s old grandson Brad’s being taken by ambulance during a Saturday night snowstorm with RSV…. Seeing every condition like waves in the ocean. Each appearing as separate, but part of the whole.

    Here is a recent photo of Jackson happily eating his first sandwich.

    I was not very skillful when Stacey had to have stitches. In fact, they would not allow me to go into the room with her because I was so distraught. The memory of John and me leaving the hospital with our baby (Stacey) folded into the crib under an oxygen tank with her baby (Brad) is as active now as it was 32 years ago.

    Each experience is woven together. Some threads are more obvious. Some patterns are more hidden.

    On Tuesday afternoon as Jackson was being sedated for an MRI, having a spinal tap to rule out some infection that might be causing the seizures, and wired with a continual EEG…. I wrote in my journal: “Good can come from this.”

    At meditation online that afternoon Sheilana’s poignant opening words, ”Why do we try to figure it out? Why don’t we just live and breathe and let it just be what it is? Is there any reason for me to believe that it should be anything or any way other than it is?”

    The theme for that evening’s class with Barbara Brodsky: When something startles you, or pain arises or fear, what state and stage of consciousness opens habitually with that challenge?

    Wednesday morning waiting news about how they were all doing, I put the following scripture on the Basham Family list:

    Romans 8:26

    In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans….

    Again this morning I wrote in my journal: “Good can come from this.”

    P.S. On Wednesday afternoon Stacey stepped out of Jackson’s room to give us a call. It was the first time we had spoken on the phone since all of this occurred and she was crying. A stranger handed her a card. Many of you have seen that card in a Sacred story post, but for any who have not, here is the link: Card From a Stranger
    P.S.S. Just as I was about to push publish, news that when the EEG was taken off Jackson sat up and smiled. His mom said, “I never knew how much I missed that smile!”

  • Card from a Stranger

    Sacred Stories

    Her 22-month-old grandson was in Pediatric ICU. She had stepped out of his room to call her parents. As she tearfully shared all of what was unfolding, a stranger handed her a card.

    The words written on the envelope spoke right to her heart:

      My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

    The inside of the card was also filled with encouraging scriptures:

      Fear not for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
      My soul melts from heaviness, strengthen me according to your word.
      The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart.

      Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God (I will praise his word). In God I have put my trust. I will not fear.


    She said to her mother,”I have prayed to Jesus to put me in a place in life where my actions are a testimony of my faith in Him. I wish it had only affected me.”

    A total affirmation of her faith, this card from a stranger….