Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • Caroline and Clifford

    She was navigating what is sometimes called ‘adult orphan syndrome’ or ‘double parental bereavement’ or ‘double parental loss’ PLUS she and her husband moved from the Midwest to the Northwest soon after her mom had passed so she was terribly missing her siblings as well.

    Spending a few days in Florida with her snowbird sister severely stirred the emotional waters… but a beautiful gift began to appear. While they were looking for a bargain at a Goodwill store — one of their mom’s all-time favorite things to do was to beat the bushes for a bargain — they saw a dress by “Carol Anderson” — her mom’s maiden name!

    Then sightseeing with some friends in the Villages a couple of days later she saw a sign for Village of Caroline!


    Not to be left out… she also saw a sign for Clifford Villas. Clifford is her dad’s name!!!


    “Everything science has taught me strengthens my belief in the continuity of our spiritual existence after death. I believe in an immortal soul. Science has proved that nothing disintegrates into nothingness. Life and soul, therefore, cannot disintegrate into nothingness, and so are immortal.” ~ Werner Von Braun

  • Sea of Life Not Stay Same

    Opening email this morning and reading Neale Donald Walsch’s words: “… in moments when things look bleak — especially in those moments — see only perfection, express only gratefulness, and then imagine only what manifestation of perfection you choose next.”

    Cellular memory of our daughter Stacey’s move to Tennessee shortly after the birth of our first grandchild flooded in while sharing recently with a person who had made a cross-country move soon after her mother’s transition in the Midwest. While she was sure she was where she was to be, she was navigating intense feelings of “missing” her family and the fear of additional loss felt overwhelming.

    Speaking about loss, grief, and the necessity of regaining our emotional equilibrium in the midst of a sea of changing conditions was a reminder my current feelings are woven together with the collateral losses resulting from Hurricane Ian.

    My deep listening to Adyashanti shed some light on the universal journey with all of this. The talk was called “Self-Realization: I Got It!, I Lost It!” but it was excerpted from “The Timeless Nature of Being” given October 6, 2019, in Palo Alto, California.

    Something about it is still with you. Not by grasping at it but just almost like that intuitive sense, “What haven’t I lost?” – just sensing that, making space for it…. ~ Adyashanti

    I was at Walgreens waiting at the check-out counter for someone to come help with a rain-check for Ultra Soft Kleenex tissues. A young girl, maybe 10 or 11 years old, was next in line. As my wait time became longer and longer, I told her she was welcome to go ahead of me rather than wait. She said, “Its okay, I have my whole life ahead of me.”

    Unable to stop myself, I responded, “I have my whole life ahead of me, too, but I suspect you have more time than I.”

    A very wise expression came over her face….

    The sea of conditions is ever changing, that is for certain. But notice how much our expectation creates our experience of what is, what was, and what is yet to be. That young girl might have transitioned before I got up this morning. No, the odds are not in that direction, but the life that we experience is not always what the odds might indicate.

    We played a crazy-fun game this week while Linda’s sister, Brenda, was visiting. Poetry For Neanderthals is a word-guessing game like Password, but with a couple of quirky twists. First, you can only use one syllable words as clues. Second, if you use a larger word you get bopped in the head with a 2-foot long inflatable club.

    For example, if you are trying to get your team to guess the word broccoli, you might say “Green thing you eat for live long and have good health.” The game forces you to explain complex ideas using simple words. I like that. I am good at that. That is why this post is SEA OF LIFE NOT STAY SAME.

    One might go on to add SEA OF LIFE CAN STILL BE GOOD.

    It takes a bit to be good at it but you can even say SEA OF LIFE CAN BE GREAT.

    WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BE GLAD FOR WHAT IS WHILE YOU STILL FEEL SAD FOR WHAT WAS?

    I THINK YOU GET THE POINT NOW. RIGHT?

  • Florida Scrub Jay

    She and her husband were avid birders. They loved traveling with a group, often going distant places in search of specific birds. One such sought-after species was the Florida Scrub Jay.

    According to Wikipedia, the Florida Scrub Jay is the only species of bird endemic to Florida and one of only 15 species endemic to the continental United States. Because of this, it is keenly sought by birders. She and her husband had made this trip previously with their group, but the Scrub Jay had eluded them each trip.

    After he passed, she decided to go to Florida in search of the Florida Scrub Jay one more time. This time, while she was there, she would spread some of her husband’s ashes.

    Although in Florida, there are no state laws or restrictions on where you can keep or scatter ashes, she wanted to do this privately. When she felt the time was right, she hung back from the group and discreetly scattered his ashes at her feet.

    Suddenly the entire group swarmed her! The precious, previously-elusive, prized Florida Scrub Jay flew down immediately and began eating her husband’s ashes!!!

    She laughed later with friends saying she wondered what parts of him were being enjoyed, but mostly she let her heart be held by this evidence of his loving presence….

  • Pluto

    Here is a new spiritual practice for you:
    don’t take your thoughts too seriously.

    ~ Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle

    Overall our co-housing continues to go well here in Port Charlotte. I am noticing a subtle communication pattern that feels a bit like argumentativeness or attachment to view. Note: I said a SUBTLE communication pattern.

    The content of the communication is irrelevant, other than there has to be something that reveals the pattern. We had fish for dinner. Fresh catch Sheepshead from Lon Maas.

    Dinner talk shifted from how good the fish was to a freshwater fish by that same name that Linda had become familiar with fishing Lake Erie. I mentioned my niece having caught a Sheepshead while she was visiting Pine Island about ten years ago and my first understanding that the salt-water Florida fish is Sheepshead (plural sheeps), while the freshwater fish is Sheephead (singular sheep). My niece had said, “I think I found Grandma Smith’s dentures!”

    Linda did a quick search and read aloud several tidbits, a couple of which were not at all what I thought I was remembering from the past. That was the end of our conversation. We went on with dinner and then played cards. But…. the following morning when I noticed my mind was still engaged, I did a quick search and opened to read:

    Sheepshead fish (Archosargus probatocephalus) are a species of ray-finned, predominantly marine fish commonly found along the eastern coastline of North America and South America. Sheepshead fish live in marine habitats and estuaries in the western Atlantic Ocean, from Nova Scotia in eastern Canada, down the eastern U.S. and Central American coastline, and as far south as southern Brazil. They are known for their front teeth, which can look uncannily like human teeth (opens in new tab). While sheepshead fish usually live in salt water and slightly salty brackish water, they are sometimes found in freshwater habitats in winter.

    Sheepshead fish should not be confused with a similarly named species of fish on North America’s western coastline called the California sheephead (Semicossyphus pulcher). While both fish species have teeth, they are not closely related and belong to different families.
    Sheepshead fish: Facts about the fish with ‘human’ teeth:

    Linda and I did talk about this some, specifically about how the browsers have a hand in shaping what information comes up in our searches. Years ago I was with three friends when we all put in the same key words using the same browser and totally different links came up for each of us. Whoa…

    An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing” on the chalkboard and asked the students to punctuate the sentence correctly.

    All of the males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

    All of the females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

    Punctuation is powerful. Words are powerful. Intention is powerful. Silence is powerful.

    The content of the next communication catalyst here in sunny Florida was palm oil. I will leave the conclusion to you: By the Way, Doctor, Is Palm Oil Good For You?, but after writing some in my journal about all of this, and talking to a friend who is fluent in all things metaphysical, I would note some of the current astrological influences written by Leah Whitehorse.

    February 16, 2023

      A strong karmic overtone is in the air. With Mercury’s square to the Nodes, we’re pressed to address a skipped step, a missed conversation or connection that is vital for our evolutionary journey. Independent thought, without rejection of the perspectives of others, is important now. Talk about your past, what you found difficult, what you overcame. Free your mind to move forwards.

      Today is the last time that the Sun will meet Saturn in Aquarius for almost 30 years. This then is the jewel in the crown of this transit, the illumination of ancient teachings, the foundation stone of innovative changes. Maybe we now understand the lesson, get a sense of a greater pattern or receive a glimpse of the future, a hint of things to come. Sitting at the feet of the Great Architect we learn that we have an integral part to play in the world. Step into your authority. Shoulder responsibilities with grace. Commit to your soul’s journey. You are capable. You are wise.

    On February 14, 2022, Leah wrote about the US Pluto Return:

      Pluto is a symbol for profound change, regeneration, cleansing. It is the phoenix born from the ashes, death and rebirth. As ruler of the underworld, Pluto rules all those things that are unseen. The unseen might be treasure – like diamonds and precious metals that form deep in the earth. Or the unseen might be crime, abuse, theft, the sleazy stuff that goes on behind closed doors.

    More from Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle:

      Throughout history humans have inflicted countless violent, cruel, and hurtful acts on each other, and continue to do so. Are they all to be condemned; are they all guilty? Or are those acts simply expressions of unconsciousness, an evolutionary stage that we are now growing out of?

      Jesus’ words, “Forgive them for they do not know what they do,” also apply to yourself.

      Silence is essential to remain loud and clear.

      My silence inspires me to find my own voice.

      Silence is the environment and atmosphere, the sacred vacuum into which God speaks.

      Silent people have the loudest hearts.

    In simple terms: Anything we did not totally clean up previously is getting stirred up. Everybody is going to be uneasy. We are going to experience anger. We can’t get out of it. Denial, projection, rationalization – none of the psychological defense mechanisms will protect us from Pluto. Because Pluto won’t let anything be hidden any more!

  • Jingles’ Promise: Asking for a Sign

    Source: Jingles’ Promise: A Father’s Quest for Truth on the Appalachian Trail shared as a Sacred Story with permission from Norm “Jingles” Morris and Rochelle “SherpaShell” Morris. (p. 86-87)



    (ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF THIS BOOK WILL BE DONATED TO HELP PEOPLE RECOVERING FROM TRAUMA AND LOSS.)

    Adam was a poet. The last poem he wrote was titled “DragonFly”. The day we picked up his ashes, I asked for a sign, anything to let me know that he was still with me. Something I could believe in and get comfort from… something that Jingles could also recognize.

    That day, when I got home, there on the back door knob what was the biggest dragonfly I’ve ever seen. It’s translucent purple wings had a five-inch spread. I felt Adam’s smile envelop me with warm, love and kindness. I let go of my fear and longing and out. I was at peace. I asked the dragonfly to stay where it was until Jingles got home to see it. It did! Adam was always a good boy like that.

    Spiritual teachings describe dragonflies, butterflies, birds, electrical events and other phenomenon of nature as signs that our loved ones from across the veil may be present.

    When you get a sign, instead of brushing it off, lift your gaze and open your heart. What’s the worst thing that can happen… someone standing next to you in line thinks you’re crazy? It just may be the beginning of a beautiful conversation.

    About Jingles’ Promise: A Father’s Quest for Truth on the Appalachian Trail : This is a true story from authors who are soulmates and mental health therapists. It is a tale of love, sorrow, forgiveness, mystery, and perseverance that celebrates life and the human spirit. Jingles tells the story of his Appalachian Trail hike from Georgia to Maine while SherpaShell provides support from the backroads in her camper van. Together, they reflect on their experiences and insights with the hope of helping others recover from loss and trauma.

  • A Holy/Wholly Holistic Alliance Reunion

    The meeting of two personalities
    is like the contact of two chemical substances:
    if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

    ~ Carl Jung

    It’s been said that no one comes into our lives by accident. It might also be said that no experience we have is by accident either. The conditions of our lives are simply arising and ceasing out of conditions.

    On Friday morning we were driving from Port Charlotte to Naples for a follow up appointment with Dr. Steven Deutsch, the cardiologist that diagnosed John’s cardiovascular disease and referred him to the surgeon who did the quadruple bypass surgery. I had a flashback of the 7-Eleven cashier who came from behind her counter to put her arms around me and pray for us, saying, “Lord, let all of the news this woman gets today be good news.” Accompanying this cellular memory was the guidance for me to bask in the years of “Sacred Stories” that have been published.

    Seated in the way-back seat, I asked Linda to send back the small notepad. She said, “I have the addresses if that is what you are after.” I wanted the pad because I felt the need to journal. Pad in hand, I noted a subtle trying to anticipate another person’s needs and wrote: Another habit energy I see, bless, and release.

    We picked up Nancy Green and Claudia Mierau and then proceeded to Naples where we met Pat Jordon and all enjoyed a fabulous lunch at True Foods. It was truly a holy Holistic Alliance Reunion!

    As we were driving from the restaurant to the doctor’s office, I asked Linda (who was in the front seat navigating for John) if John was going to turn left or right when we got to the address. Linda said to John, “Does she not think I would have told you?”

    I said out loud, “Even if he knows where he is going to turn that doesn’t mean that I not also like to know,” and then added, “Am I pissing you off today, Linda?”

    She did not respond, but we had opportunity to talk about all of this the following morning and Linda confessed she and John had previously shared some of his energy about my backseat driving. I understand his frustration with that behavior. I also understand how challenging it is to be in the way-back as he is driving — even though I totally trust Linda’s navigating. It is nothing personal — for almost 57 years now I have been the one navigating EVERY time John and I drive somewhere together.

    I have been noticing what I would say is Linda’s subtle tendency to try to anticipate some one else’s need. Of course, this habit energy is within me! Oh, my….

    I open the Daily Reflection from Deep Spring Center:

      Look at that part of you that feels you should be able to do everything for everybody. Can I be spacious with myself with any guilt, with that little voice that says I should be able to do it all? Why? Why should I? ~ Aaron

    Nancy asked about another Holistic Alliance friend who has for a number of years lived on a boat at Marathon Key after having lived quite near Claudia in Michigan. I have been able to reach out to Shirley and let her know we had been wondering about her. She is now living in Clearwater and was very glad to know she was being thought about by her Holistic Alliance friends.

    We are so fortunate to have one another….

    I am so glad Nancy Green was willing and able to go with us on Friday. It was wonderful to have Claudia staying with us for a couple of days. It is always so special to be with Pat Jordan. And the opportunity to have things amplified by our living together for three months is a holy alliance with Linda which I am wholly grateful for.

  • That is Not Tit-for-Tat


    Some of my clearest insight and inspiration occurs when my mind is occupied with other things, for example, while riding my bike or putting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. This morning I was finishing up a puzzle which had been fairly challenging for my skills and processing a powerful scene we watched in the miniseries “From Scratch” that is now showing on Netflix. Many layers of depth expose themselves from a simple plot: an American student studying in Italy, meets and falls in love with a Sicilian chef. I am glad I did not realize it is based on a true story as I was watching last evening….

    The scene moved me to a tearful remembrance of an experience with a client years ago, the details of which are included in Falling Together in Love: Stories From My Heart. The story begins on page 53, under the heading “Working with Words: Conversations that Changed Lives.” It involves the birth mother in an open adoption having had second thoughts after holding the baby she had just given birth to.

    My role was in helping the adoptive mom to find a way of assuring the birth mother that she could take all the time she needed to be 100% confident that she wanted my client to raise the baby. Those specific words that changed lives resulted in the completion of the adoption.

    The part of their story that did not make the book was the birth mother’s also having tearfully said to the adoptive mom, “I wish you could adopt me, too.”

    A bit ago I was triggered by some interaction related to planning a Zoom event honoring a friend that recently passed. Our convoluted email exchange was certainly also working with words, but in this case the words were not working, but all conversations change lives.

    Doctors tell patients what they have been diagnosed with is going to kill them.

    Parents tell children they will never amount to anything.

    Earlier today as Linda and I were talking about tonight’s menu, it became clear that everything on the list for tonight are things I normally make for John and me, so I told Linda I could make dinner tonight. Her response was, “Are you sure that is OKAY?”

    Walking over to the desk where she was sitting, looking her in the eye, I spoke the truth clearly, “You know me well enough to know that I do not offer to do something I am not in alignment with doing. You know it is OKAY or I would not have offered.”

    The exchange results from the beautiful way our co-housing has evolved. Linda and Larry love to meal plan, and they love to cook. John and I love to eat, and I am a bit compulsive with cleaning. Ours is a match made in heaven.

    Now, it is going to be interesting to see if I still clean up the dinner dishes. I have already set the table and made the salad. The green beans are in the pan ready for steaming, and I have added baby carrots with tarragon onto the menu. None of this is about the tasks. It is, however, often about the roles. It is about how our genuine being-ness can get hijacked by our doing. Yes, it is the evolved order of things for them to cook and me to clean, but that does not mean if I cook tonight they have to clean tonight.

    Evolved mindful living is not about tit-for-tat. It is about giving and receiving. While many of us were taught that it is better to give than to receive, the profound truth is that receiving is as essential as is giving. It is vital to give and receive.

    This Daily Quote from Aaron today:

    You are used to thinking of dana as a payment that’s made. It’s not payment. This generosity within you is a strong force that inspires you—the heart opening in generosity, holding as the highest value an alleviation of the suffering of all sentient beings. That’s a profound form of generosity. Not putting yourself first, not caught in the small self, but asking of yourself that you look at the challenges that come forth and give that deep breath and thank-you. Be mindful of the habitual tendencies that say, “I can’t give this; I can’t give that. I must keep myself sheltered. Must I? Perhaps I can open this way…” This is generosity. This is love. Then you give this love to the others in your life. You cook food for those in your families, if that is what is asked of you today. You walk the dog. You sit and meditate because it’s a form of generosity to yourself. This is one of the spiritual qualities that truly help carry you and support you.

    So, today I will cook food for those in my family.

    I will do so knowing that I give that freely, regardless of who cleans up the kitchen!

    That is not tit-for-tat….

  • Monet Double-Sided Puzzle

    They were visiting with friends and family who all live in Michigan, while wintering in Florida. They had gotten together because their sister-in-law had come for a short visit — the first time of her being in the RV park where she and her husband had wintered together for many years.

    The conversation got around to doing jigsaw puzzles. She said, “A friend sent a Monet double-sided puzzle to us.”

    The puzzle had been sent as a gift following her husband’s heart surgery. The friend who sent it assumed he did puzzles with her because every puzzle was finished by him placing the last piece and posing for a photo.

    When he asked to be reminded which of there friends had sent the puzzle, she replied, “Sue Spitler.”

    “Sue Spitler?!?” their sister-in-law blurted out before continuing to share that Sue had made a donation to the church in memorial of her husband. Not recognizing the donor’s name, she had flagged the donation and when she came upon it again she had searched on line, found numbers for several people named “Sue Spitler” then called the one in Indiana, thinking perhaps it had been a customer of her husband. She felt such a strong desire to know from whom the gift had come.

    Speaking to Sue Spitler, their sister-in-law had discovered Sue was not a customer, and had not known her late husband at all. The donation had been made because Sue wanted to honor the brother of her dear friend.

    Interestingly, although that donation has been made 16 months earlier, their sister-in-law had come across the notation of the mystery donor and had done the internet search and made the call to identify “Sue Spitler” as the donor just three weeks ago …

      Death Is Nothing At All
      by Henry Scott-Holland

      Death is nothing at all.
      It does not count.
      I have only slipped away into the next room.
      Nothing has happened.

      Everything remains exactly as it was.
      I am I, and you are you,
      and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
      Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

      Call me by the old familiar name.
      Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
      Put no difference into your tone.
      Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

      Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
      Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
      Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
      Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

      Life means all that it ever meant.
      It is the same as it ever was.
      There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
      What is this death but a negligible accident?

      Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
      I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
      somewhere very near,
      just round the corner.

      All is well.
      Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
      One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
      How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

  • Too Deep For Words

    When God Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life is the title of a book but it certainly can also become a way of life.

    An amazing response from a dear friend to my Happy Birthday Haiku blog post was an immediate offer to purchase a stove for the family still without one four months after Hurricane Ian ripped away the fabric of everyday life here in Southwest Florida.

    Words fall short to describe my heart’s joy at that kindness.

    Today when the generous benefactor’s teammate sent a text message related to her handling the purchase and making arrangements for delivery, I was again made aware of the magnificent magic of the fabric of this universe.

    This is close to my heart. My family has been vacationing on Sanibel Island for the last 47 years. My mom and I were actually supposed to be on Sanibel in our timeshare condo during the week that Hurricane Ian hit. Unfortunately, as you know, Sanibel was devastated and our condo community was destroyed. I thought many times of coming down and trying to assist an area that is so beloved to me. This is making me very happy that I’m able to help in a small way with getting this family a new oven. ❤️

    Claudia, beloved friend and wife of Wayne who transitioned in August, is coming to visit one of her grade-school friends. That friend recently bought a home here in Southwest Florida.

    John had a doctor’s appointment in Naples so we scheduled to have lunch with our friend, Pat, who has lived in Naples for many years. We try to get together while we are here for the season. After we made the lunch date with Pat, we got an earlier date for John’s appointment, and then we were bummed to discover Pat could not meet us on that day. The morning of his appointment, however, we were notified the doctor would be at the hospital all day and could not see John. His rescheduled rescheduled appointment now is during Claudia’s visit, so we plan to have lunch with Pat. Incidentally, we all met Pat through Wayne while she was living in Michigan….

    Also during Claudia’s visit with us, Wayne’s dear friend Bob, and Bob’s wife, Sarah, will be less than ten minutes from where we are staying, so we are planning a time we can all have dinner together….

    It certainly is a small world after all. I guess I am just short on words today. I am exceedingly grateful the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Grateful when God winks.

  • Birds in Their Homes

    Each winter when this snow bird flies south she takes a huge box of jigsaw puzzles. Her husband always puts the last piece in and she takes a photo.

    Imagine her surprise and delight when she saw a post on Facebook showing that her god-daughter and family had just finished the same puzzle over 1,200 miles away back in Michigan!

    The comment on the photo in Facebook speaks volumes: “… one of our prettiest puzzles yet – and we didn’t lose any pieces! Our puzzle time is such a bonding time.”

    I guess humans are birds in their homes too!!!!

    Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark. ~ Rabindranath Tagore