Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • Welcome Change


    This past weekend I was fortunate to attend a fall meditation retreat at the Howell Nature Center. To allow us to enjoy being in a more timeless place than is practical in our everyday lives, bells are rung for “wake-up” and at mealtimes, and five minutes before group gatherings. Since I am an early-morning riser, and not everyone is, I signed up for ringing the wake-up bell at 5:55 a.m. on both Saturday and Sunday.  
    I got dressed, and after walking slowly throughout the lodge softly ringing the bell, I had time for a walk out in pre-dawn quiet. The first morning, moments after stepping out-of-doors, I was thrilled to hear owl! I could tell it was not far from where I was, and I stood very still for a few moments just listening. This was especially tender as I have so recently enjoyed reading the story of Wesley the Owl. (see the previous blog post)
    This retreat was my second with the Deep Spring Meditation Center group, and this time change happened. We had an opportunity to meet with the instructors, and to ask questions about our meditation practice. People asked about seeing colors or having body sensations (such as tingling along the spine), or perhaps hearing music or sensing a presence. 
    I asked for help with a frustrating habit of mind (counting) during my walking meditation. I was given a very simple suggestion to use a rotating focus during my meditation. Begin paying attention to what you are hearing, and make a mental note of “hearing.” Then shift your attention to your posture—sitting or standing or walking, and make a mental note of “sitting.” The next focus would be on “touching.” I noticed my hands on my lap or my feet on the ground, or the hair against my forehead. Next, the focus would be on the breath, with the mental note of “breathing.” 
    This allows you to observe not only what has your primary focus, but it also allows you to become aware of the predominantfocus. As I had noticed when I was doing walking meditation, my predominant focus was on that inner voice which kept counting. The teaching of this particular form of meditation (Vipassana or Insight or Mindfulness) is to allow what is in your awareness, not to try to resist it, but to just lovingly acknowledge it. This reminds me of a young child who was insistent on getting your attention. Ignoring him or her only generates more insistence! 
    The suggestion I was given was to simply notice the counting and say to myself, “Breathing in I am aware of counting. Breathing out I smile to counting.”  Now, mind you, I had been struggling with this habit of mind for years. One time doing this gentle act of awareness, the counting stopped. What a welcome change….
    Oh, the owl that I so enjoyed hearing was one of several who are part of the Wild Wonders Wildlife Park at the nature center. The Howell Conference & Nature Center has been caring for wild birds and mammals since 1982.
      
    You can use this process with emotions like fear, anger, frustration, or with behaviors like judging, criticizing, worrying. You can do it with basic mind habits like thinking, remembering, planning  The next time you become aware of an unhelpful habit of mind or body, prove to yourself it works. “Breathing in I am aware of­­­­_____. Breathing out I smile to_____.”
     
    The welcome change is something worth being grateful for.

  • The Owl In Each of Us


    Finally, more out of desperation than cleverness on my part, I began to work with Wesley using language and imagery.
    Wesley the Owl, by Stacey O’Brien (p.198)
    Reading these words this morning just about took my breath away. Those who know me well, recognize language and imagery as part of my soul work. Stacey, caregiver and companion to Wesley the barn owl, was faced with a serious challenge. When Wesley was about 15, his talons and his beak were becoming dangerous to her and to him. She needed to file them, but how was she going to get him to cooperate?
    Stacey began to sit very still and send thoughts and pictures to Wesley about how she was going to be able to file his talons and his beak for him. Wesley was used to Stacey speaking aloud to him so she began to prepare him for the process. She decided to focus on his beak first, and over the next few weeks, she would file her own nails telling him what she was doing. She filed his perch. She would speak to him in a reassuring tone, telling him what she was going to do for him. All the while, Stacey was holding the image of peacefully filing his beak. 
    This morning I was guest speaker at Pilgrim Congregational United Church of Christ, here in Saint Joseph, Michigan. The title of the message was “Persistent Faith: Whatever It Takes.” I shared the amazing story of Aron Lee Ralston, who survived a rock climbing accident in south-eastern Utah in 2003. After having been trapped for five days and seven hours, he was forced to amputate his own right arm with a dull Swiss Army knife. After freeing himself by cutting off his arm, he then climbed down a 65-foot sheer cliff face! The incident is documented in Ralston’s autobiography Between a Rock and a Hard Place, and is the subject of the film 127 Hours.
    Research about emotions, beliefs, attitudes—about brain function—and immune response is proving to us that, in fact, being able to imagine is key! Because humans process their subjective experience, in part, as pictures, when someone says, “I just cannot see how I will get through all of this,” according to Dr. Emmett E. Miller, author of Deep Healing: The Essence of Mind/Body Medicine, we are not just hearing words, we may well be witnessing destiny. Miller’s work shows clearly how beliefs and images become actual physical events in the body. 
    I have been very affected by Aron Ralston’s courage and will. 
    One year ago today I was in Monaco. As I was touring the Exotic Gardens (about three acres of amazing succulents, overlooking the Bay of Monaco), I got separated from the woman I went to Europe to travel with. Amid some extremely stressful interpersonal dynamics, I actually thought she had left me, testing me to see if I could find my way. I did not speak the language, I did not have a cell phone, I did not know the name of the hotel we were staying in, and I had no Euros. 
    Then the moment arrived. I slowly approached his perch, 
    “It’s time to fix your beak, now, okay?”
    Wesley closed his eyes, hunched down, braced his legs, 
    and stood perfectly still. 
    I was amazed…. I filed and filed…. 
    Wesley did not move a muscle or make a sound. 
    He just kept his eyes shut and acted like 
    he was intently focused on not feeling anything.
    When I was finished, I wiped his beak and said, 
    “Okay, Wesley! Good job! All done! What a smart bird! So brave!”
    Wesley the Owl, by Stacey O’Brien (p. 200)
    As I remember that day in Monaco, so far from anything familiar, I marvel that something within me allowed me to beg money, board the right bus, get off at the right stop, and find the hotel. 
     When I remember the emotions I went through that day, I realize the truth: We have each survived things that allow us to have at least a sense of what was going on in Ralston’s mind. 
    By grace, we each have within us the necessary stuff to do whatever it takes.
    Amazingly, this must be true for owls, too!

  • Listening


    Eyes see only light,
    ears hear only sound,
    but a listening heart perceives meaning.
    This quotation by Brother David Steindl-Rast is published in his book, A Listening Heart. You can see a review of the book by Sister Mary Margaret Funk on Monastic Interreligious Dialogue. (See Review.) Brother David is a Benedictine monk at Mount Saviour Monastery in upstate New York. He is a writer and founder of gratefulness.org. This quotation was the thought for today and it is significant, because listening is certainly important in relationships of all kinds. 
    I am very excited that New York Times bestselling author, Mark Nepo, has a new book, Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What’s Sacred. He is the subject of a news article here in Southwest Michigan because he will be hosting several events around this book. You can read about the book, see the schedule of events, and enjoy a brief video interview. (See MI Live Interview. According to the article, Nepo points to great spiritual leaders of all faiths who receive information, reflect and then speak. In a telephone interview:
    “Everybody is shouting over each other and very few people are really listening. In fact, silence is mistaken for uncertainty rather than true reflection.”
    I would like to think of myself as a good listener. And I do think listening is about more than just hearing words and other sounds. Listening is a whole-body habit. 
    I have been thinking about listening a lot, especially as I am reading Wesley the Owl. I am very touched by Stacey O’Brien’s sharing of her experience of raising Wesley, a barn owl. When you are reading, beyond the enjoyment of being able to witness the adventure through another’s words, you are often transported into your own experience in ways that bring meaning. Perhaps that is what Brother David is writing about when he says your listening heart perceives meaning.
    Although the following paragraph is about Stacey’s experience with Wesley, and about birds of prey, see if you can identify people in your life who have needs like this:
    Since owls don’t flock, herd, or pack, they have no social setup for correcting each other’s behavior. Therefore, Wesley had no way to interpret any act of aggression except as a threat on his life. For this reason, the number one rule in interacting with birds of prey is that you can never show them any aggression. You cannot try to discipline or correct them as you would a child or a dog. They would not understand it. I could never raise my voice or do anything that might seem at all aggressive, even when trying to stop Wesley from doing something for his own protection. I could only gently remove him from whatever situation was putting him or me in danger. Eventually, he might learn that a certain behavior wasn’t allowed, but not in the usual way. It took longer and required much more patience than the normal pet owner or parent is accustomed to.
    Wesley the Owl, by Stacey O’Brien (p.72)
    Today, as I read this, and I look forward to an evening with Mark Nepo, it is my intention to listen in the way that will allow me to have the sort of patience with my world that Stacey had with Wesley.Even when I am listening to my own inner being…

  • Candle or Mirror?


    “There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”
    ~ Edith Wharton
    This amazing photo and quotation by Edith Wharton was in today’s weekly “Heart Quote” that I received from Byron Stock, a friend and colleague of mine. Reading about her on Wikipedia, I was amazed at all Edith Wharton accomplished in her life. She was born in 1862, and began writing as an adolescent, but apparently stopped writing in her late teens. After she was married, she began writing poetry and short stories. Her “nervous ailments” kept her from doing serious writing. After her health improved she began writing novels. I am curious what she had in mind when she wrote about being a candle or a mirror.
    Although I resonate more with our capacities as multifaceted rather than either or, asking yourself this question about whether you are more likely to spread the light by “being” the light or by “reflecting” the light provides good self awareness of your usual emotional parking place. I guess we could also ask ourselves if we ever turn the light out or cover up the light, but that might be a future blog post.
    Our emotional moods can be contagious, that is for sure. This is due to our mirror neurons—neurons that fire both when you do something and also when you see that same action being down by another. So that is why we can spread the light both by being the candle or by being the mirror that reflects it…
    In Traditional Chinese Medicine, our emotions are recognized as being connected to specific meridians. Each is also observed to have ties to a specific element, organ (and sense organ), developmental stage, direction, fluid, tissue, climate, taste, color, season, and sound. If you are interested, you can find some pretty comprehensive information about all this by doing an internet search. I found a nifty chart on one website.
    The reason I brought it up is because the sounds that are associated with emotions and meridians have been on my mind. I recall an exercise where you begin with the sound of “shouting” and you continue doing each sound for a couple of minutes before moving through all five, thus balancing your energy system.
    The sequence of sounds is: shouting, laughing, singing, crying, and groaning.
    I encourage you to give it a try and just see how much better you feel. After all, you have nothing to lose and you just might find this is good medicine! Now I am reminded of the words to a song: It is better to light just one little candle than to stumble in the dark…. If everyone said a prayer that the world would be free, what a beautiful dawn we would see… If everyone lit just one little candle, what a bight world this would be! 

    You can hear the song at this link: Light One Candle and you may want to sing along for your “singing” step to balance your energy.


  • The Beauty of Broken Places

    You may already be aware of the gifts that come into our lives through the doorway of the unexpected. Certainly our lives frequently provide us with ample opportunity to see the beauty in broken places. That happened for me again while traveling from Michigan to North Carolina. When leaving Michigan, I pushed “avoid tolls” on the GPS because the planned route was to go South on I-69 to Fort Wayne, Indiana,  then East from there before turning South, rather than the preferred route via 80-90 (toll road). 
    At one point, following a stop for gas, “Gabby” (my nickname for the Garmin), got us out on some country roads, rather than putting us right back onto the highway. Winding around the countryside, she announced, “continue twenty-one miles…” Oh, my. That was not at all what we had expected, since we could see the highway from where we stopped at a McDonalds to give and receive some coffee!
    I saw beautiful fields, interesting buildings, and living what I value, I began choosing to enjoy the process rather than fight the predicament. In fact, that soon became my inner theme for the trip! We got back onto the highway, and all once again proceeded according to plan. We arrived in Charleston, West Virginia, in plenty of time for lunch. 

    Leaving Charleston, I had expected Gabby to send us South on 64/77 but we were routed onto State Road 60 instead. While that did not seem right to me as I was consulting the Road Atlas and the directions program on my iPhone, we forged onward. 
    Before long we were twisting and turning and going up and down along what is loving called a Switchback, meaning a roller coaster-like road with lots of hairpin turns. There were not many opportunities for scenery because the trees were still in full foliage, but much of the time I was able to override the slightly headachy, slightly carsick feelings and enjoy the ride. I was glad I was not driving.
    Sleuthing around in the GPS, I discovered that my wide ride was the result of programming I had put into play but was not conscious of the ramifications. I realized the reason we had been sent along this winding, twisting, turning, up-and-down road, was because I had been trying to avoid something I did not want to experience. How like life that is, right? 
    My continued sense was that we were taking the long (maybe wrong) way. The punch line of this saga, is as my suspicion was mounting, I put in “Current Location to Durham, North Carolina,” and my iPhone showed 3 hours and 47 minutes. A bit further down the road, I again checked “Current Location to Durham, North Carolina,” and was given a time of over 4 hours.
    Fortunately, our next stop was into a visitor’s center that just happened to be right there!
    The bad-news-good-news was that we had indeed gone about 150 miles out of our way, and taken about 3 hours, but just one more leg on less windy-twisty-uppity-downity brought us into Roanoke, Virginia, and to some very welcome and surprisingly inviting accommodations: lovely interactions, a welcome walk, a delicious meal, and much-needed, deep and restful, sleep. We were able to make it into Durham in plenty of time.  
    While our time in North Carolina was not affected by mountain roads, the reflection of that experience, too, is worthy of sharing. Perhaps that will be the subject of another blog. For now, I will close with today’s message (September 21, 2012) from Neale Donald Walsch: 
    …that just when it looks like life is falling apart, it may
    be falling together for the first time.
    I have learned to trust the process of life, and not so 
    much the outcome. Destinations have not nearly as
    much value as journeys.
    So maybe you should let things fall apart at this
    juncture if that’s what’s happening. Don’t hang on so
    tenaciously. The nice thing about things falling apart is
    that you can pick up only the pieces that you want…

  • Pretty in Pink


    Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to enjoy an organized bike ride with my daughter and my grandson’s girlfriend. The plans and the execution (like all of life) provided me with ample opportunity to stay in the present moment and trust the process of life. Mother Nature even had a hand in bringing that lesson to heart, from the Stick Bug on the door of the car, to the wind and the rain showers. 
    The route originated in Leiper’s Fork, Tennessee. The website sings a proud song—lose yourself in our little village. The size of the town could cause you to miss both the rich history and the current bliss. (See http://www.visitleipersfork.com/)     
        
    4,000-year-old relics found in this area indicate that Leiper’s Fork not only served as an important hunting ground for prehistoric Native Americans; it was also their home. An area deeply rooted with Native American heritage, they have inhabited this area for thousands of years. Native Americans who later evolved into the tribes we know as the Cherokee, Chickasaw, Creek and Shawnee thrived in this area because of its abundant hunting, fertile soil and plentiful supply of fresh water.
    We started watching the weather days prior and we were doing our best frog medicine to move the system on out so we could enjoy the ride. We delayed our start by a couple of hours, still hoping things would clear on out, but the closer we got to Leiper’s Fork, the more moisture those clouds were releasing. As we approached the start/finish location, we all agreed we were not excited about riding in the rain. Stacey (my daughter, who gifted Christina and me the day) broke into tears as she said, “I was so looking forward to sharing this day with the two of you.”
    Stacey was feeling the disappointment for all of us. It is natural to feel disappointment when things don’t go the way you had imagined. Christina and I admitted the rainy day was not in our vision either. Since we had driven the distance and Stacey had paid the money, we went in the school to check in and get our goodie bags. We admitted we were undecided about whether we were going to ride… 
    We watched it rain and chatted about the weather with three women who had done the twelve-mile ride and had made it back already. One said, “They said it was supposed to clear by 10:00.” We asked, “What time is in now?” “Nine-fifty-five,” was the reply. Who would have expected that right at the stroke of ten, the rain stopped and we headed out. 
    Wow, what a beautiful piece of country we rode through. Gorgeous homes, with magnificent rolling hills whose lawns were manicured with care. Wild turkeys kept their distance as hawk sang his kee-eeeee-arr. The grounds were dotted with grazing horses and donkeys, and we even saw a lama!
    As I walked up yet another hill, a modest home off to my left was sporting a man sitting on his front porch. His words, “It’s all downhill from here on…” were quite welcome. I am sure that most of us have at some time longed for that news. The downhill was steep enough we rode our brakes. Even so, Stacey clocked us at about 35 miles per hour!
    When we got back to the start location, I was actually feeling sad the ride was so short. I suggested we have lunch and head back out to do it again. While we did not actually do that, Stacey and Christina are planning to go back and ride the longer route next weekend.
    For me, the gift of the day was the time with people I love, doing an activity we enjoy, and out in such spectacular scenery. But as I think about it all now, I am aware of so much more meaning. I am thinking about women who have ridden the journey of  breast cancer. How relieved they must have been to feel better and begin to live a normal life again, even more relieved than I was to start downhill.
    I was also thinking about Stacey’s comments about the different atmosphere of a women-only ride. In her experience, there was a great deal more camaraderie and support. She said that it was a pleasant contrast to the competition she has experienced in previous organized rides. 
    When each woman would cross the finish line, someone from somewhere would call out, “Good job!” It was exhilarating to be there celebrating the accomplishments of all the participants. 
    I can still see faces of some of the other woman and in my mind’s ear I can still hear the stories they told. “I had not been on a bike for thirty years.” “My daughter wanted me to do this with her.” “This is Tennessee, you are gonna have hills. You just get off and walk up when you need to.”   
    Thank you, Stacey, for being the remarkable woman you are. I am a very fortunate mother to have you for my daughter. And I am grateful my grandson, Brad, brought Christina into our lives. She is a fine young woman. When I think of the three of us, I see us pretty in pink. 
    These are the very tender memories I have tucked into my heart…

  • Emotional Sobriety


    Don’t we help birth the world
    each time
     we give someone confidence
     to build what they see with their heart?
    Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
    A couple of days ago I went to witness my niece, Jen, being sworn in as a chaplain for the Ann Arbor Police Department. Jen’s brother, Chris, a police officer in Irving, Texas, near Dallas, was not able to make it to Michigan for the ceremony, so my sister, Janis, had the honor of pinning on Jen’s badge. 
    Jen giving  her badge to Janis.
    I found the ceremony to be very touching, both because I love Jen and Janis, and because the  words shared by the Chief of Police and the head Chaplain spoke to me directly of my own calling. “This is not a job that will be recognized or given accolades, but know that we very much value what you do.” “While I have been doing this ministry, I have grown more than in all the previous experience in my full time work as a pastor.” 
    While it remains to be seen what experiences Jen will have in her work as chaplain—her unique opportunities to serve and her unique challenges to face—these messages of truth resonate deeply in my core, and they describe the work I have been called to as author, teacher, healer, and minister.
    We both live very busy lives, and do not often see one another with skin on, so the drive over to Ann Arbor was a delightful opportunity to spend time with Janis. Her husband, Larry, drove, and we arrived safely in good time, found parking, and (with the kind assistance of some local residents), we set off in search of lunch. What we found at Zingerman’s Deli was more than just food, it was an experience!
    Zingerman’s Delicatessen
    422 Detroit St.
    Ann Arbor, Michigan 48104
    Upon our arrival, we were treated to a “tour” of both the Deli, and the Coffeehouse Next Door. The rule of the day was service with a genuine smile, and the instruction was nothing short of a miracle of manifestation: “Anything you see that you would like to taste, you can. Just ask for a sample!” 
    After a couple of yummy samples of cheeses, we ordered our sandwiches, and settled at a picnic table outside the Coffeehouse, to enjoy our lunch and the cool breeze. I went into the Coffeehouse and returned with a plate of samples of four different desserts for us to enjoy. Zingerman’s is definitely somewhere I would return to, if only in my heart and mind!
    It is this precious idea of seeing with our hearts Mark Nepo  was writing about. He described how his grandmother would help instruct him in doing the things and living each day in a way that was building a welcome tomorrow.
    “See it here,” pointing to my forehead, and then she would take my little hands and say, “Now see it here.” Then she would say, “And soon, it will be here.” With this she would look around the room. (September 2)
    When we were making plans to go to Ann Arbor for Jen’s ceremony, we did not know Zingerman’s Deli even existed.  I do  know that when we were setting the time to leave for Ann Arbor, I had the intention that we would arrive in time to find a place to enjoy some lunch before meeting Jen at 12:30. I did not know the two women coming across the parking lot just as we were getting out of the car would give us such a good suggestion. But while I did not need to know, everything is known. “I go before you to prepare a place for you….”
    Jen is in my prayers as she begins this ministry. I know intimately how answering a call to a nontraditional ministry is not always easy. But I also know intimately that the blessings will be there for Jen’s life, as they are for each of us as we say YES to the call of the divine in our lives. 
    Blessings have been ever present, even when my being ordained an Interfaith Minister of Reunion had been misunderstood (and sometimes it was even judged or criticized, and had even been denied as being of God). 
    Today, I saw this powerful quotation that encourages us each to live from a core of emotional strength as we have the confidence to build what we see in our hearts. It is from “Savoring Our Sobriety” Emotional Sobriety: The Next Frontier:
    “If we are to find spiritual growth and serenity, we must dress our minds each morning as carefully as we dress our bodies. Only then can today become the glorious tomorrow we looked forward to yesterday.”

  • Darkest Before Dawn

    Most entanglements are caused by vocal cords.
    (seen on the sign in front of a church)
    At age 93 years young, still cutting his own firewood and still using his music to inspire humanity to more human ways of being with one another, singer-songwriter Pete Seeger was recently on the Colbert Report singing “Quite Early Morning.”  
    So though it’s darkest before the dawn
    These thoughts keep us moving on
    Through all this world of joy and sorrow
    We still can have singing tomorrows     
    Mostof us have had at least some experiences of feeling overwhelmed by sorrow. Sometimes this results from challenges in our relating with others. Next time you are confronted with interpersonal conflict, just imagine you can hear Pete singing to you.
    Pete’s message is everywhere, such as in the words of AA co-founder, Bill W., November 1961, in Again the Crossroads: The Language of the Heart: “In the nick of time, and by God’s grace, each of us has been enabled to develop a growing sense of the meaning and purpose of his own life.” 
    Or in this (http://gratefulness.org) Mongolian Proverb: “A heartfelt smile gives warmth enough for three winters.” 
    Or from Loving Reminders, by Betty Lue Lieber: “Learn to let go. Life is too short to hand onto resentments.”
    This may be about what Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakenings: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have, refers to as starving the ego. He is talking about “that in us which believes we can control the world.” He encourages us to let the unseeable music of being rise and carry us.
    I am being very affected by the reading of a book about an injured owl. Wesley became the companion of Stacey O’Brien and for 19 years the two lived intimately. She describes how he would take his powerful beak and ever-so-gently lift up her eyelid if she was sleeping later than he preferred! The book is available in paperback, and you can see an amazing little video of Stacey and Wesley at: http://www.wesleytheowl.com/. You will see Wesley snuggled up on Stacey’s chest and recognize his tenderness—not exactly what one would expect from such a powerful raptor.

    Nepo truly touches my heart with his understanding of our universal needs: “If those I love can’t recognize me with my soul out in the open, I will no longer retreat and show what is familiar.” Stacey was able to recognize the tenderness in Wesley, in spite of what she knew about owls.
    Oprah Winfrey interviewed Gary Zukav, author of Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power. That interview is available free on video (see: http://bit.ly/QbvZdE). “Authentic power is when you use your personality to serve your soul…. When the personality is in full balance you can’t see where it ends and where the soul begins.” (The Seat of the Soul, p. 37)
    Perhaps Wesley, in spite of (or possibly because of) his permanently injured wing, was able to be with Stacey with such tenderness because of an innate capacity for love all living creatures have. And perhaps the way humans learn to be with one another with the authentic power of loving kindness is to simply starve the ego and allow this unseeable music of being rise and carry us.

  • Second Maturity

    We are gradually coming to see that the years beyond sixty five or seventy,
    the years of our second maturity,
    may be evolution’s greatest gift to humanity.
    Jean Houston
    Reading an article by Jean Houston, “The Genius of Second Maturity,” this week birthdays have been on my mind. It is not my birthday, but many dear friends are celebrating: one turning 70, and another turning 60. I am going to a party so I got a very funny card with a young woman with BIG hair. You may remember that look. 

    Carl Jung is said to have reflected that his life would only have meaning in terms of centuries. Houston wrote: “One of the greatest capacities of second maturity is the capacity for spiritual development. Having known the breadth of existence, we now have the capacity for knowing the subtleties of the depths as well in ways that few could have known them before. No longer needing to compete, to be acceptable, likeable, and all those other things considered respectable in society, people are finally being uncaged in their elder years, free to release energies and capacities that the culture restrained in them when they were younger.” 
    This sense of no longer needing to be acceptable, likable, or respectable came to me in spades last Saturday morning as I was driving to join Betty Lue Lieber and Robert Waldon for a day workshop while they were in Kalamazoo, Michigan. This is a group that is generally very high conscious when it comes to food, and the workshop included a potluck lunch. The dish I had brought to contribute was peanut butter pie. Not exactly a health food, but delicious!
    I arrived at the choice to bring the pie based on some tricky logistics of having just gotten home from a road trip to San Antonio, Texas, and having taught all day (13 fifteen-minute presentations on stress relief at Three Rivers Hospital) the day prior, and staying the night in Kalamazoo. 
    I am guessing the conversation I had in my head about the pie was influenced by an experiential learning with Karen Drucker while in San Antonio: Taming Your Inner Critic. It went something like this, “If no one chooses to eat the pie, I am fine with that. Another person’s choice is not a reflection on me, it is simply his or her freedom to choose.” 
    It was really quite wonderful to have this exchange within myself and to be totally in awe at the ease I was feeling about however things played out. I laugh even now realizing that Betty Lue opened with a talk about the need to honor that our path does not have to be anyone else’s, it just has to be genuinely ours! I was moved to share about the peanut butter pie, and that became a symbol for all of us of the ease of respecting personal choices in our lives. 
    On a much deeper level, though, what Houston calls second maturity, really is gift. It is about inner transformation. 
    From the poem, Minnie Remembers, by Donna Swanson:
    I remember Hank and the babies.
    How else can I remember them
    but together?
    For out of the fumbling, awkward
    attempts of new lovers
    came the babies.
    And, as they grew, so did our love.

    And, God, Hank didn’t seem to mind
    if my
    body thickened and faded
    a little.
    He still loved it and touched it.

    Every piece of that peanut butter pie was enjoyed. Sometimes as the outer fades, our inner beauty shines more brightly.Thank God for that truth!

    Right after I posted this, a friend received a newsletter from James Twyman with the same theme and this handy checklist. You know you are a “Golden Indigo” if…
    1. You are over the age of 60.
    2. You have always felt a “stirring” within your soul to heal and bless humanity.
    3. That “stirring” has increased considerably over the last five to ten years.
    4. You feel a tangible connection with the Indigo Children.
    5. You can’t keep silent any longer, but feel drawn to share your wisdom.
    6. You refuse to sit back and simply “retire.”
    7. You felt a resolute “YES” when you first read or heard about the Golden Indigos.

  • Operation Smile

    “Is the Universe a friendly place?”
    Albert Einstein considered this question to be the most important question a person can ask. Today the only answer I can honestly give is, “YES!”
    This past Monday I was in San Antonio, Texas, teaching “Out of Fear, Into Health: Anchoring as Healing Modality.” Tuesday we drove 850 miles, arriving in Sikeston, Missouri, about 8:30 in the evening, Fortunately, our accommodations were acceptable because we had chosen a destination we had stayed at in 2011, but we were weary from our 14 hours drive, and we had not yet had dinner. 
    I thought I remembered having enjoyed a nice meal an easy walking distance from the hotel when we had stayed there last year, but we found out I was mistaken. Disappointment, coupled with the lack of what we considered desirable choices, developed into an awkward conversation with the folks at the front desk. 
    Still unsure about where we could have dinner, and both tired and hungry, while unpacking essentials for the night, we got cross with one another over where to park the vehicle, and Joel was very annoyed as he blurted out, “It’s not worth arguing over!”

    Feeling responsible for both of us, I dredged up the memory of a sign I saw out on the highway, searched Google on my iPhone, confirmed directions with the folks at the front desk, and we walked the half-mile to Lambert’s Cafe, where the motto is, “We hope you come hungry, leave full, and hopefully have a laugh or two!”

    If I had been thinking more clearly, I might have realized sooner I had been to a Lambert’s Cafe in Gulf Shores, Alabama, a few years ago, but by the time we were seated, it was too late. I thought Joel might cry when he ordered a beer and was told they do not serve alcohol. Add to that, they throw hot yeast rolls at you from across the room! (See http://www.throwedrolls.com/) 

    OK, I confess that I sent my daughter, Stacey, and my nephew, Chris (the one who took us to Lambert’s in Alabama), a quick text message letting them know we had arrived safely in Sikeston, that we were at Lambert’s Cafe, and that Joel did not have on his happy face…. 

    This building was right next to the motel. 
    I noticed the sign as we came back from Lambert’s.

    Even though we had enjoyed wonderful experiences and made great connections at the conference, the mood continued to be less than blissful the following day. We checked out, loaded up, and got on the road for another 600 miles. Less than an hour from Michigan, when we stopped to buy gas, we had another stressful communication glitch about which gas station to go to! Looking back, I can see how my snappy, “OK, just blame me for everything. It is always my fault!” was an emotional overreaction to Joel’s use of active voice, coupled with the carry-over tension, and the stress of the travel. (See more about active and passive voice in the most recent “Language Tip” on the new Subtle Communication Systems website at http://scs-matters.com/the-power-of-voice/)

    But, the universe is a friendly place, and life is always inviting us back into balance. We do have the opportunity time and time again to remember what is real. Just as we got back on the highway, Joel passed a semi truck advertising a charity organization that helps treat facial deformities such as cleft lips and cleft palates. A child looking much like the one above, and the name of that organization, was spelled across the whole length of that truck: 

    At the exact moment we were passing the Operation Smile truck, I could also see a billboard to the left of the highway advertising some dental group: “Get your smile back.” 

    Today, as a way of honoring how life is working for me, I told all this to some of my colleagues in Reunion Ministry.  I also mentioned a wonderful You Tube video about a little girl having a great time loving everything about her life. I told them I would send the link if I could find it. 

    When I got home from the reunion, and played the video, I noticed an ad on the screen. If you look closely, you will see that the ad is for operation smile…  

    OK, God, we get it!  The universe truly is a friendly place.