Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • Nomad

    It had been years since she had introduced the use of music to help a client move stuck energy, but everything was pointing to that being helpful.

    The therapist’s choice was Nomad, by Atma Shankar—guttural native Australian sounds from didgeridoo and drums.

    It worked! The music played and they both danced around the room. They did “shake your bones” and let the energy start moving. The client’s mood shifted and she recognized you do not have to be a victim of your feelings.

    Later that day, working on her website, the therapist was surprised to notice the post she had put on her home page a few days earlier was about the healing effects of music.
    all is well - snip

    Fortunately, we remain tapped in even when we forget that we are!

  • If You Only Hand One Year to Live


    Over lunch with some like-minded friends earlier today, I mentioned the home work for a writers’ intensive I had just completed a few moments before joining them. One of the group is moving back to Canada after living here for twenty-seven years. I don’t see her often, but I will miss knowing I might see her any time soon.
    Take a poll online. 
    Designed for your discovering what motivates you, part of the homework process was based on a post by Mark Manson (touted as an author, thinker, and life enthusiast). 
    Mark’s 7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose started out with “What’s your favorite flavor of shit sandwich?” The point he was making is that even when you do what you love, there may be parts of that you do not enjoy. The list of questions ended with “If you knew you were going to die one year from today, what would you do and how would you want to be remembered?” 
    When I put the phrase “If I only had one year to live” into a Google search, about 540,000,000 results came up! We are not alone thinking about things like this. 
    That is why I write. To share what has meaning in life is what has meaning in life. 
    My answer to the first question is: Some people I love die. I discovered that years ago. Not all, but some, and I open my heart to be broken again and again. 
    My answer to the last question is: I would do what I am doing now, with even less sense of urgency. Being in the present moment would allow one year to feel like forever. 
    Whatever is up for you right in you life right now, you might appreciate the insights to be gained by Mark’s strange questions. 
    Click here to access all seven questions. For sure, what has meaning is worth thinking about….

  • Package

    The client entered the session a bit frantic. She had mailed a package to her daughter in another country, and, although she had received confirmation of delivery, her daughter did not have the package. She expressed thoughts about the neighborhood not being safe.

    The therapist shared a story about a friend’s experience.

    A friend of mine went grocery shopping, and when she had everything unpacked and put away, she realized her wallet was missing. She immediately called the grocery store but was told no one had turned the wallet in.

    A meditation instructor, she knew how to tune into her highest good. She sat down and began to meditate on universal truth, using the mantra what is mine comes to me. In less than half hour, her phone rang. Her wallet had been turned in!

    As she drove to the store, she continued to affirm what is mine comes to me.

    Her credit cards and all of the cash was still in her wallet!

    wallet

    As the therapist finished the story about the wallet being returned intact, the client had a text message pop it. Her daughter’s neighbor had seen the delivery and had brought the package in for her!

  • World of Words

    Every child is an artist.
    The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.
    I first heard this quotation by Pablo Picasso watching a YouTube video of Amanda Palmer talking about being an artist. “Connecting The Dots” is about the way digital publishing has leveled the playing field and how vulnerable writers are in this venue.
    Yes, writers and painters and musicians are able to now share their gifts via social media, but Palmer compares the Internet to the Wild West where pickpockets and snipers abound. With the Internet you do not get to choose. Cyber criticism can be cruel.
    It is very interesting to me that I watched the video because I am participating with a handful of other writers in an eight-week intensive. A few years ago, I discovered my love of writing and I added the word author to my online bio. 
    Admittedly, that late discovery of myself as a writer seems strange. I am someone with fifty years of journals. I am also someone who blogs regularly, publishes a wellness tip and a wholesome thought (audio and text) weekly, and co-authors a monthly newsletter.
    But am I a writer just because my heart lives in a world of words?
    Texting clients, family, or friends, meeting with a couple, creating a custom wedding ceremony for them, and then officiating at their wedding are also part of my world of words.
    My maiden name is Smith. In my heart, my prayer is that I am a wordsmith: a person who works with words; especially a skillful writer (Merriam-Webster).
    As Palmer says, once you share your art, the response is what it is. “You, as the writer, have to weather the critics.” That made me think of the Eight Worldly Dharmas I have been working with for a bit over a year. The dharmas come in pairs, and as we grasp for one, we are vulnerable to the other. I think they will make good sense to you. 
    Pleasure and pain
    Loss and gain
    Praise and blame
    Fame and disgrace
    My work around the dharmas included the “Reflections on Universal Well-Being” chanted by the monks of Abhayagiri Monastery, a Buddhist Monastery in the Thai Forest Tradition of Ajahn Chah.
    May I abide in well-being, in freedom from affliction, in freedom from hostility, in freedom from ill will, in freedom from anxiety, and may I maintain well-being in myself.
    May everyone abide in well-being, in freedom from affliction, in freedom from hostility, in freedom from ill will, in freedom from anxiety, and may they maintain well-being in themselves. May all beings be released from all suffering, and may they not be parted from the good fortune they have attained.
    When they act upon intention, all beings are the owners of their own action and inherit it’s results. Their future is born from such action, companion to such action, and it’s results will be there home. All actions with intentions, be they skillful or harmful, of such acts they will be the heirs.
    His Holiness the Dalai Lama says, “Spiritual practice is difficult in the beginning. You wonder how on earth you can ever do it. But as you get used to it, the practice gradually becomes easier. Do not be too stubborn or push yourself too hard. If you practice in accord with your individual capacity, little by little you will find more pleasure and joy in it. As you gain inner strength, your positive actions will gain in profundity and scope.”
    May it be so….

  • Amitiza

    Her mother-in-law was on a long-list of medications. After having been in and out of the hospital, and going home on oxygen, supervision of the medications became necessary.

    Pages and pages of information, additions and deletions, notes and question marks—it was overwhelming trying to keep everything straight! Something needed to be done.

    She took the dozen-or-so sheets of paper with the medications listed on them to her home, and she was intent on creating an organized Word file listing each medication clearly. She looked up the generic and the brand name, and she carefully recorded the prescribed dosage along with specific instructions (such as whether it was to be taken with food or on an empty stomach).

    It was an arduous task as she had to look up each drug to know what it was prescribed for. HGTV was playing in the background. Just as she started to look up Amitiza, an ad for that very medication came on.

    She recognized the affirmation of her gift of loving support! Nothing we do lovingly is missed….
    amitiza

  • True Freedom


    There are no problems, there are only situations that ask for your loving attention.         
     ~ Aaron
    I was blessed to be the guest speaker at Pilgrim Congregational Church and some requested I share these practical suggestions for how you can keep an open heart and experience true freedom.
    Pema Chödrön suggests when we are frustrated or disappointed or otherwise not approving of life’s current circumstances, we can benefit by playing a game of “Just Like Me” to help us recognize our connection to all other beings. Sitting in traffic, think, “Just like me, these people have other things they would rather be doing.” Frightened by medical tests or procedures, realize, “Just like me, these people are frightened and suffering.” Concerned about finances, remember, “Just like me, others worry whether there is enough money.” 
    She says you can let life stop your mind and create a “Pause Practice.” A car backfires, a siren blows, a crow caws. Each of these common events can call us to be present, teaching us to live our lives without giving the conditioned mind the reigns. Take a few conscious breaths and say something that inspires our clarity such as:Loving others is an act of my true freedom.
    The freedom of loving others as ourselves requires awareness and compassion. Our own response to racism, sexism, or fundamentalism may be fueled by our unconscious prejudice. We may be prejudicedagainst racism. The best way to lessen prejudice in the world is to not be prejudiced about the prejudice of other people. 
    Use this wonderful practice to develop sympathetic joy and keep your heart open. Bring to mind the person or situation and affirm, “May your happiness continue, may it increase.”
    Breathe the phrase, “May your happiness and good fortune continue, may it increase. May it expand out into the world. May all beings experience happiness and good fortune.”
    Use the practice for general categories: “May all women/men/children find happiness and good fortune. May all on this planet have a sense of well-being and enjoy success. May all be free from suffering and feel joy.”  
    Bring to mind any specific professional groups: doctors/lawyers/politicians. “May right livelihood bless our world. May all on this planet aspire to do no harm. May all on this planet and beyond aspire to do great good for all beings. May all be free from suffering and feel joy.”
    Practice for corporations/countries/ethnic groups/institutions: “May all beings experience happiness and good fortune.”
    Bring to mind the animals in the air, on the ground, in the ground, in the oceans and rivers and streams. Their particular happiness and well-being. “May they be well-fed and treated with kindness. All beings. Whatever happiness or well-being. May it continue and grow.”
    Sacred Text: Galatians 5:13-14 (from the Message)
    It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. 
    Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. 
    Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love, 
    that’s how freedom grows. 
    For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: 
    Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom. 

  • Young Buck

    Sacred Stories

    Her husband’s unofficial nickname was “Young Buck.” Before his children were fully grown, he died.

    Several years after his father’s death, their then young-adult son came home with an unusual t-shirt he had bought. It was a white collared shirt with a young buck partially hidden behind the pocket. She was sure it was her husband speaking to their son, even though he did not recognize the connection consciously.

    young buck

    Over a decade had passed, the night she wrote in her journal how she was missing him and how his spirit was not coming to her the way it had before. The following day, she spontaneously wore the young buck t-shirt to work.

    As she was driving home that evening, right in the middle of a residential area on a busy road, standing by the guard rail looking right at her, was a young buck still wearing his velvety antlers!

    As she looked in the rear view mirror to see the young buck cross safely to the other side, she said a prayer of gratitude because she knew she had just been visited by her husband!

  • 92nd Birthday


    Yesterday we celebrated my mother-in-law’s 92nd birthday. 
    What a wonderful surprise to see her name up on the sign in the sanctuary at church!

    It is truly remarkable to think about how much everyday life has changed in her lifetime. Here are a few highlights from the year she was born:
    •  First baseball game played at Yankee Stadium.
    • The world’s first portable radio is developed in the US.
    •  First Le Mans 24 hour race run in France.
    • Time Magazine is launched on March 3.
    • The Hunchback of Notre Dame, starring Lon Chaney is released.
    •  Women’s One Pieceswimming suits begin to be worn. 
    • The Ten Commandmentsdirected by Cecil B. DeMille.
    • The explosion of recordings of African American musicians including the great Louis Armstrong.

    Four-out-of –five of her sons, and three daughters-in-law, all enjoyed lunch out with her.
    Left to right: Greg, Jerry, Mom, John, and Jim.
    It is rather amazing to think about having been her daughter-in-law for almost fifty years. My life has changed a lot, too, in those years. One constant, however, is John’s kindness, respect, and love for his mother. Here they are together at the restaurant: 
    The joke is he butters her up so she will tell him where the money is buried. I am not sure about the money, but I can tell you where you find real value. 
    You find it in the kindness, respect, and love over a lifetime. And that is true at any age….

  • Good Place for Dinner?

    On a service call, the customer, new to the area, asked him where he would go for a nice dinner out. He gave her the name of one of his favorite restaurants. “Oh, I thought that was only a winery,” she replied.

    “Gosh, no, it is a restaurant, too, and you will love it,” he assured her.

    A bit later, as he was leaving the house, an ad for that winery/restaurant came on her radio! They both laughed at the coincidence, and she said, “I guess that is where we will go.”

    Getting into the service van, he said to the other guys, “I bet that is where my wife and I are going to have dinner tonight, too.”

    A few hours later, when he came home, his wife asked him if he would like to go out for dinner because the owner of that restaurant was gifting them dinner. He said, “I manifested that!” and told her about the coincidence earlier with the customer.

    You have to love that life is always working things out, even when we aren’t fully aware.

  • You Are Everything


    We live in an illusion and the appearance of things.
    There is a reality. You are that reality.
    When you understand this, you see that you are nothing,
    and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.
    ~ Kalu Rinpoche
    As a child I loved puzzles. As an adult I enjoy Buddhist teachings. I heard this quotation by Rinpoche at Emrich retreat center in Brighton, Michigan while there on a silent meditation retreat, the title of which was Be a Lamp Unto Yourself. Another puzzle or another teaching?
    When I visited with a woman who is recovering from having three cancerous ribs removed, I was seeing clearly the truth of the teachings. She is understandably grieving, understandably in pain, and understandably angry that the doctor who removed her ribs did not take into account how difficult that would be for her given that she previously had her left leg amputated at the hip. 
    Prior to having the ribs removed, she was remarkably independent and active—totally adept with the aid of a pair of crutches. Now, she is adapting to being in a wheelchair, often very uncomfortable as she sits on the stump causing nerves to fire. 
    Her choice of words were very telling, “I am angry. That surgeon did not take the quality of my life into account. The only focus was to cut out the cancer.” 
    Often, frightened and overwhelmed by a medical condition, we can fail to be a lamp unto ourselves. I will not share my bias about the cruel slash and burn twin treatments of surgery and chemotherapy than can destroy lives in the guise of curing a disease, or my preference for whole-person health systems that actually assist the person coming into balance and provide opportunity for the body to heal itself. I would rather have you learn a powerful guided meditation to help us imagine a world of infinite possibilities I learned while sitting under a catalpa tree smelling the sweet blossoms falling all around us.

    Imagine you are out on the ocean with many other boats. It is a beautiful day. The water is smooth. You put on your scuba equipment and dive down deep to the ocean floor. Everything is peaceful; the ground is solid beneath your feet; you move effortlessly.
    As you surface from your dive, huge waves are rolling. The sea has become stormy! People on the boats nearby are yelling for help as they face being tossed overboard or the boats being capsized. The Coast Guard has been called. 
    You determine the best help you can be is to go back to the depths where you are safe and calm with your feet securely on the stable ocean floor.  Once there, you imagine your arms stretching up to the surface of the water and you begin to help the people caught in the storm. 
    You lift many people onto the Coast Guard vessel where they are safe. 
    Next, my imagination had me lift a Saint Bernard, then an elephant, then an airplane before  I was shown hospitals where this same amazing process of helping people was happening. Later, when I shared what I had seen in the meditation, another person at the retreat shared resuscitating children from this deep place of calm. 
    For quite some time, many of us have had a sense we have a way of being with difficult situations more constructively than focusing on what is unhelpful. Complaining (even about something we see as downright wrong) is disempowering. Even those who are unskillful or acting out of blatant greed or the ignorance of self-interest are better served by our compassionate wisdom than our anger.
    I hope you will also find this vision powerful as you imagine situations in your life that can be more just, creative, and helpful. Clearly there was no “I” doing the lifting, rather it was about our sincerely intending to help all beings come to the end of suffering. It is about our being used by LOVE, as depicted in this poem by Teresa of Avila (1515–1582):

    Christ Has No Body

    Christ has no body but yours,
    No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
    Yours are the eyes with which he looks
    Compassion on this world,
    Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good,
    Yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world.
    Yours are the hands, yours are the feet,
    Yours are the eyes, you are his body.
    Christ has no body now but yours,
    No hands, no feet on earth but yours,
    Yours are the eyes with which he looks
    compassion on this world.
    Christ has no body now on earth but yours.

    Fortunately, we are everything!

    * Posted this last night and went to Pilgrim Congregational Church this morning because my wonderful friend/colleague, Linda Beushausen was speaking. From the sermon title “Rowing Your Boat Gently and Merrily Even in a Storm, the cover of the bulletin (see image below), the scripture (Mark 4:35-41 about Jesus’ calming the sea), to singing Row Row Row Your Boat and I’ve Got Peace Like a River, you have to agree we are all in the boat together!