Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Yellow Brick Road

  • 5 Reflections

    “A friend is someone
    who knows the song in your heart
    and can sing it back to you
    when you have forgotten the words.”
    ~ C.S. Lewis.

    Those words were shared by me at the end of a tearful conversation with a dear friend. My friend was remorseful for having offended a family member. The situation is complicated because the person who had been upset is a sister-in-law, currently separated from my friend’s brother.

    So many conversations of late lead my heart back again and again to the great Buddhist prayer, “May all beings come to the end of suffering. May all beings find peace.”

    But peace is not found in a future filled with smooth sailing into the sunset. The end of suffering comes in not expecting life to be something other than what it is, and in knowing the truth that we are skilled enough to sit in the fire of our own or another person’s strong emotions.

    At Oakwood retreat in October, John Orr wrote the 5 Reflections on the flip chart in the dining room.

    When the phone call came through I was attending my online class with Aaron. I turned off my camera, took the call, feeling space for my friend, for myself, for all who are navigating rough emotional waters right now.

    I hung up and logged back on to catch the end of the class. While I did not catch the entire exchange, I heard enough to know that the question was about what to do when you might have done harm to another. “You can forgive yourself for whatever was said or done that may or may not have created harm. You can resolve not to repeat such words or actions in the future, and then fully forgiving yourself. And now look at others who have done similar to you and fully forgive them. It is finished.”

    I sent that brief clip to my friend, then left a voice message.

    After listening to the clip, I got a call back. We talked a bit more, and as we were hanging up, I shared the C.S. Lewis quote. I felt a small laugh from both of us.

    Peace would come.

    Peace does come.

    We have learned to make peace so conditional, but the peace that passes understanding is anything but conditional.

    In a previous post, “If and When,” I mentioned Rupert Spira’s book, The Art of Peace and Happiness. He has an entire chapter titled “Our Essential Being is Peace Itself.”

    Earlier tonight I had been suggesting another friend do some tapping (EFT) on the Universal Psychological Reversals to clear habit energies that are difficult.

    Universal Psychological Reversals

    I deeply and completely accept myself even with all my problems and
    limitations.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I want to keep this problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will continue to have this
    problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I don’t deserve to get over this
    problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if it isn’t safe for me to get over
    this problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will not do what is necessary to
    get over this problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will
    not be good for me.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will
    not be good for others in my life.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a unique block to getting
    over my problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a fear about how my life
    will change if I get over this problem.

    “We all know that peaceful states of the mind, body and world do not last and do not deliver the depth of peace that we truly desire. Only the peace that is inherent in our true nature can put an end to the longing that initiates and sustains so many of our activities and relationships.” ~ Rupert Spira, The Art of Peace and Happiness

  • Upekka

    You have heard it said to be careful what you pray for. This past Tuesday evening, as our Dharma “Path of Clear Light” class was coming to an end, I asked for specific instructions around the practice of Upekka. Upekka is the Buddhist practice of equanimity.

    John Orr’s clarification of the Upekka practice, “All beings are heirs to their own karma. A person’s happiness or unhappiness is not dependent upon me but on their own actions and choices,” resulted in Barbara Brodsky’s offering thanks for him reminding her to keep that in mind related to her husband, Hal.

    Nothing in the teachings John shared, or Barbara’s comments, totally prepared me for the next few days of interactions with friends and clients.

    People are navigating every one of the eight worldly conditions: loss and gain, good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, sorrow and happiness.

    To practice Upekka is to be unwavering or to stay neutral in the face of each of these.

    The “far enemy” of Upekka is greed and resentment, mind-states in obvious opposition. The “near enemy” (the quality which superficially resembles upekka but which subtly opposes it), is indifference or apathy.

    “Do you want me to just be present with you or would it be helpful for me to offer some sort of process?” breath barely audible on either end of the phone.

    Skating on thin ice.

    Having been reading Rupert Spira’s work on nondual awareness, I pretty quickly notice the subtle grasping, the habit energy of not wanting those I care about to suffer.

    “Many of our ideas and beliefs about ourselves and the world are so deeply ingrained that we are unaware that they are beliefs and take them, without question, for the absolute truth.” ~ Rupert Spira

    The ground beneath my feet is shifting.

    “The discovery that peace, happiness and love are ever-present within our own Being, and completely available at every moment of experience, under all conditions, is the most important discovery that anyone can make.” ~ Rupert Spira

    Timing is everything.

    Richard Bandler says the best way to help a poor person is to not be poor.

    I grab the Daily Recollection and finger my mala while reading the 53rd through the 55th beads:

    I remember the practice of sati (presence):
    To be present with the breath.
    To be present with the proper object as it presents itself.
    To be present with the proper attitude: Whatever arises, I will not fixate on it. I will let my mind be free and spacious, resting in pure awareness.

    “The greatest discovery in life is to discover that our essential nature does not share the limits nor the destiny of the body and mind.” ~ Rupert Spira

    I add to Upekka the practice of Metta (lovingkindness), Karuna (compassion), and Mudita (sympathetic joy).

    I remember the great prayer: May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings feel joy. May all beings realize their intrinsic perfection and find perfect peace.

  • Dust!

    When I saw this image on someone’s Facebook page, I knew there was a blog coming….

    In the several decades I have been involved in what used to be called Alternative Medicine, but is now most often considered Functional Medicine, I would marvel at how people approached something new. One acupuncture treatment; does not work. One herbal remedy; does not work. One “you-name-it” and the mind shuts down like a steel trap deciding something does not work.

    My yoga instructor said a guy came to class once and said yoga does not work for him.

    People try meditation and say that.

    It all sounds a lot like dusting once and when the dust comes back deciding not to fall for dusting again.

    Dr. Lissa Rankin said when she was researching her book, Mind Over Medicine, she stumbled across the Spontaneous Remission Project, put together by the Institute of Noetic Sciences. They collected over 3,500 case studies published in medical literature about people who experienced spontaneous remissions from seemingly “incurable diseases.” (See 9 Key Factors Affecting Radical Remission from Cancer)

    Recently a client recommended Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds, by Kelly Turner, PhD. The book is a New York Times bestseller.

    So what were the 9 key factors that these patients with radical remissions employed?

  • Radically changing your diet.
  • Taking control of your health.
  • Following your intuition.
  • Using herbs and supplements.
  • Releasing suppressed emotions.
  • Increasing positive emotions.
  • Embracing social support.
  • Deepening your spiritual connection.
  • Having strong reasons for living.

    • My client has been able to identify the area/s she needs to strengthen and has made a commitment to doing that. My mind went automatically to how if these nine key factors can allow someone to return to health from a diagnosis of cancer, how much might our lives be enhanced by them.

    I will keep dusting. I hope you will too. Meanwhile, you may enjoy my most recent poem, “Catching my Reflection.”

    Catching my Reflection

    Blowing my nose with an expensive hand-painted silk scarf
    it is clear now my body can be used as a weapon against itself
    The cookies eaten as my lunch and
    the wine gulped down to dull the inner pain
    Razor blades I did not use for shaving that caused
    scars I wore as membership in a tragic club

    Feeding the pages of my journal into the shredder
    systematically three sheets at a time
    Decades of broken dreams and promises
    chewed into tiny bits
    Now lining the bottom of the bird cage
    finally good for something

    The doorbell rings “Some Enchanted Evening”
    perhaps a friend, a stranger, or some gift undelivered
    I feel no obligation to answer
    no fear that something wonderful could be missed
    Catching my reflection in the puddle
    lips turned up in a quiet smile

    Debra Basham 10-21-2018

  • If and When

    “Happiness can be found,
    even in the darkest of times,
    if
    one only remembers to turn on the light.”
    ~ Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

    and

    “When
    we have accessed the peace that is ever present in our self under all circumstances,
    the body, mind, and world are profoundly affected,
    and, in time, become increasingly permeated by it.
    They begin to shine with the peace of our true nature.”
    ~ Rupert Spira, The Art of Peace and Happiness
    (Presence, Volume I)
    (Our True Nature; The Nature of Peace, Happiness and Love;
    The Origin of the Separate Self; The Body; The World; Experience)

    The afternoon did not unfold the way I had expected. I had been invited by a friend to attend a “Reader’s Theater” about 30 minutes away. I invited two mutual friends to join us. It was a lovely drive. Autumn colors dotted the woods on either side of the two-lane road, and we listened to the recording of a sermon given earlier that morning.

    One car sat forlornly in the parking lot when we arrived a mere 15 minutes before showtime. A phone call solved the mystery: the event we had come to attend had taken place the prior week!

    As so many people suffer profoundly, we find ourselves searching for the most appropriate way to be all that is happening in our political culture. For my part, I am reading Rupert Spira’s writings about nondual awareness. In an almost wordless way, it is clear our awareness is key.

    Although Spira does not use the phrase, “If and when,” that seems an appropriate title for this post. It is a phrase used to say something about an event that may or may not happen.

    Here are two books on nondual awareness by Rupert Spira:

    1. The Art of Peace and Happiness (Presence, Volume I)
    (Our True Nature; The Nature of Peace, Happiness and Love; The Origin of the Separate Self; The Body; The World; Experience}

    2. The Transparency of Things: Contemplating the Nature of Experience

    My friend recommended Spira to everyone who desires to experience liberation. She said to read the books in that order. Although they are both dated 2016, she thinks they may be reprinted from earlier material.

    Our thoughts go out to people who are feeling so very afraid. Fears loom around loss of freedom, the environment, racism, sexism. There is no denying the fear. Fear haunts our thoughts. Fear is felt in our bodies. Fear makes us experience the world as a web of hatred and dissonance humanity is caught in.

    But Spira makes a good point that our true self is not our thoughts, feelings, sensations, or perceptions. Rather, our true self is aware Presence. “Like someone whose fists have been clenched in defence for so long that they are no longer aware of it and thus feel perfectly relaxed, so our body and mind have been permeated by the tensions that are generated by the idea of a separate self.” (The Art of Peace and Happiness)

    How interesting that what we thought we were going to enjoy had already been enjoyed.

    If and when you read Spira, you will realize there is no separate self. Our “aware Presence” is inherently peaceful and, thankfully, this peace does not depend upon what may or may not happen.

    We are peace itself.

  • Hey Ma Durga

    I wrote this poem a few days ago while I at the 2018 Deep Spring Meditation Center retreat at Oakwood Retreat Center.

    Vipassana

    V-vast are the stories
    I-incessant the grasping, clinging, and aversion
    P-passing away; what passes away
    A-and where does “it” go?
    S-Silence, stillness, smiling or sometimes sobbing
    S-Sitting, stepping, satiating
    A-Ananda, Hey Ma Durga, Hey Ma Durga
    N-no ‘I”, no “you”, no “here”, no “there”
    A-all of as sudden after all of these lifetimes

    Settling back in to ordinary life after retreat is always a bit challenging. Walking back from the dining hall following our last breakfast I was asking how to keep this retreat mindfulness at home. A voice within began to speak.

    Think about a firefighter. How different the conditions at home on a Saturday morning enjoying blueberry pancakes with the family from being at the fire hall waiting for a call, or dashing to the fire truck when a call comes in, or pulling a body from a mangled vehicle. Has the firefighter changed? No. Different conditions house different mindfulness.

    I am sure you will be hearing more about the retreat as the weeks unfold, but for today, I am moved to introduce you to Anandamayi Ma, a 20th Century Indian Saint. I first heard her name when John Orr shared the following quotation.

    “My consciousness has never associated itself with this temporary body. Before I came in this earth, I was the same. As a little girl, I was the same. I grew into womanhood, but I was still the same. When the family In which I had been born made arrangements to have this body married, I was the same… And, in front of you now, I am the same. Ever afterward, though the dance of creation change around me in the hall of eternity, I shall be the same.”

    The central theme of all her words and expressions is this: Life and religion are one. All that you do to maintain your life, your everyday work and play, all your attempts to earn a living, should be done with sincerity, love and devotion, with a firm conviction that true living means virtually perfecting one’s spiritual existence in tune with the universe. To bring about this synthesis, religious culture should be made as natural and easy as taking our food and drink when we are hungry and thirsty.

    An ecstatic child of ecstatic parents, she became a famous saint who like many other female Indian saints stood on the edge of several religious traditions, and in the midst of none. When we chanted “Hey Ma Durga,” something deep and familiar flowed black into my soul. I hope I am forever able to live her message of everyday mindfulness.

    My heart was touched deeply by my retreat time. So, as I left the room I had shared with Claudia for eight days, this is how I left my bed linens on the bed.

  • Retreat Reminiscence – Heading Home

    As Claudia and I are heading home today, it seems appropriate to close my retreat reminiscence posts with a visit to Still Waters. I went to Still Waters for the first time in December of 1995. We are so blessed to have Delcy Kuhlman’s vision of a space dedicated to contemplation right here at Still Waters in Berrien County, Michigan.

    Still Waters is not fancy, but the walls have witnessed sincere practitioners for decades.

    Keep Claudia and me, along with all the others who have been on retreat this week, in your thoughts and prayers as we travel today. I trust you have been blessed by these memory musings. May all beings find peace.

  • Retreat Reminiscence – Friday

    Phenomenal Retreat is the review of Oakwood Retreat Center in the fall of 2015.

    Oakwood Retreat Center is a wonderful property, and one of my most sweet memories is hearing the migrating song birds as they gathered in the woods near the meditation hall.

    Being able to spend time in nature is one of the gifts of retreat. I hope you are enjoying nature this week, too.

  • Retreat Reminiscence – Thursday

    November, 2014, we were at Camp Geneva in Holland, Michigan. It was an amazingly gorgeous setting on the shores of Lake Michigan.

    One of my most tender memories was of sharing a room with Claudia and Wayne. Claudia and I have been roommates many years, but Wayne was with us this time because he was already dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease and not able to stay home alone.

    Claudia and I did not go on retreat last fall, but we are again roommates this week.

    Here is the link so you can read about Camp Geneva.

  • Retreat Reminiscence -Tuesday

    While on retreat, stuff comes up. While it is common to think what comes up is about someone or something else, it is always coming from within. With a bit of kindness, awareness can expand, leaving a space of love and gratitude.

    The October, 2013, retreat in Howell, Michigan, presented me with roommate stuff.

    I was rooming with two other women, neither of which I know very well. After the last sitting meditation of the first evening, two of us went to bed. It was some time later the third came in to our room, turning on lights, opening and closing doors, opening (or crinkling) something, as she did her bedtime preparations.

    The annoyance seemed to go on and on and on and on, but, thankfully aware of the gift that is ever-present, I was able to have compassion for my roommate and myself trying to sleep.

    I forgave myself for any time in the past I was interrupting another.

    I made up stories about how this woman must live alone so she was not used to being respectful of others.

    I acknowledged the challenge she must be having trying to find everything she needed in the mostly darkened room.

    Most of all, I was able to ask, “Can I keep an open heart for all of us through all of this?”
    As I was able to lie there in the stillness, I was infinitely grateful for the practice and for this woman who was gifting me so beautifully….

    As one of the meditation teachers said, there is no experience in the world that is more rich in practice, more nurturing to body and soul, than retreat. We may be going on retreat with the intention to get away from it all, but while we are on retreat, we find ourselves in love with the ALL THAT IS.

  • Retreat Reminiscence-Monday

    This week I will be at Oakwood Retreat Center in Selma, Indiana. I will be practicing noble silence along with all of the other retreat participants. While noble silence, or even retreat, may seem a strange experience to many, it is balm to body and soul.

    This week it might be fun for you to come with me along a beautiful path called “Retreat Reminiscence” by re-reading previous blog posts about past retreats I have attended.

    Our first stop is at the Emrich Retreat Center at Parishfield—nestled among 5,000 acres of state park land in Brighton, Michigan. The date is June, 2012. Click here to read Retreat 2.