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Staycation
I have now been in self-isolation for one month and one day. Earlier today the term “stayca” popped into mind. It is a period in which an individual or family stays home and participates in leisure activities within driving distance of their home and does not require overnight accommodations. The term is short for “staycation.”
I did go to the pharmacy drive through for John today, stopping at the quick lube to have the air pressure in my tires set (the low pressure light came on as we were driving home). I had a sign on my windshield announcing that I had a customer care card. It would not have been good to have them open the oil drain. The sign on my driver’s side window read: Low Tire Pressure Light is On. I was wearing my mask.
I also filled the gas tank up on the way home. Gas is down to $1.42 per gallon. Too bad we can’t go anywhere right now.
Things are different inside my mind today because John is having some pretty severe back discomfort, which seems to be sciatica. I am feeling some sadness.That is likely related to my friend, Bonnie, who is still in ICU on a vent with COVID-19.
Life feels so unstable. Of course, life is really no more unstable than it was before this pandemic. Unstable is the norm for life on this planet, but the emotions of the collective are amplifying personal feelings of wishing it wasn’t the way that it is.
Perhaps now that I have air in the tires and gas in the tank, I can take a modified penny vacation soon. It is sort-of-like a staycation. It is simple: Take a penny, and as you pull out of the drive, you flip the coin. Heads you go right, tails you go left. Every time you come to a stop, give the coin a flip. The same rules apply: heads you go right, tails you go left. You may stop any where you wish (this step is definitely more complicated by COVID-19), and you may go home any time you decide you want to.
Osho wrote: “And to reach home you need not enter any airplane, any train, any car. You need enter only yourself. And ticketless—no ticket is needed. Nobody is going to debar you; it is your territory.”
What is your territory? Where is your home?
Here at home, my “territory” is either my recliner in the great room or my mom’s glider in the front guest room / office. I like hearing the solar chimes and the sunshine feels very welcome. Here, I can appreciate being close to the action while not getting caught up in any of it. In many ways, my territory suits my style.
Most of the post mold-remediation cleaning is done. Occasionally I prance precariously close to terror about moving the office space at the end of May. What if we can’t? What if we can?
In many ways, the nature of what pushes me out of peace is always somewhat irrelevant: it is always just something.
Truth be told, the only stress in this stayca is simply the stress that results from realizing we are always living with things we cannot control. COVID-19 has not caused that fact so much as having clearly revealed it.
Imagine with me that we are watching the progression of ultrasound images of a baby developing in a womb. We know it is a baby, and we can make that out in the imaging, but the details are quite obscure.
What will May bring? June? July?
We have stopped planning.
And the habit energies do not like being disrupted so abruptly.
It reminds me of the meaning of the Rune “Isa” which speaks of stillness: A time of rest before action. A period of meditation and recharging before action is continued. It may be necessary to stop, take measure and look around in order to further assess a situation, rather to charge forward without direction. When the ice thaws it will retreat from the land and one’s direction will become clear. A time of fertile creation lies ahead. While the pace of forward movement may seem slow and inhibited at this time, the seeds of rebirth are active beneath the surface. The outward appearance of purity and stillness mask an explosion of fertility which lies ready in wait. All things will come in good time, and for now Isa reminds us that we must wait. The long winter is upon us now, but the cycle of seasons moves ever forward. Also a path of reflection and meditation. Inner calmness must be maintained at this time in order for deeper reflection to occur.
Ah, the challenge and the gift of an extended staycation….
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Nothing is not the Divine
“Lightworkers, you are not politicians,
you are not and it is not up to you
to reveal lies or march in the streets
and point out the wrong things.The Soul Journey right now says that
you are here to be compassionate
with those who are scared of lies
and diseases
or any other political theme.You can be there as comfort,
with compassion,
like a lighthouse on a rock.This is the task!
It’s different from what you might think,
it’s not evangelistic.
It’s not about forcing people
to learn something they don’t want to learn.Instead, you should sit there,
like the masters you have read,
in silence, with love and peace…
then you will be the healer.This is how spirituality needs you now.
So you will be the diamond you can be.”
– Kryon
(Iceland Tour Channel #8, Iceland, March 2020)
Today is Good Friday, in Christianity the day that commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus on the cross. The next day is called Holy Saturday, and then comes Easter Sunday, the third day—a day of resurrection.Last Sunday at 7:00 am John and I left Pine Island. I have said my claim to fame may become, “I peed in the van from Florida to Michigan during the 2020 pandemic.”
Walking into our home at 8:30 am Monday, after 25 hours on the road, nothing felt like this was a good place to safe shelter. EVERY room was in post-remediation chaos.
Our entire laundry room had to be torn down to the studs, including the wall between the laundry room and our master bedroom. The furnace (new just two years ago) was uninstalled and reinstalled. The house was in chaos. Putting things back together is more complicated because of COVID-19. John had to put on gloves and a mask just to borrow a drill so we could reinstall the shelves in the laundry room and get stuff up off the floor. Returning home after four months under normal conditions is a lot, but current conditions are not normal. Our mail is still in quarantine out in the barn.
Understandably, emotions are easily triggered. A couple of days into it, I had to grab ear buds and sing (badly) along with two-hours of worship music and various chants recorded at last October’s Vipassana retreat. John worked in the yard.
Yesterday morning a friend forwarded an amazing hour-long video: “What the Guides say we need to know about COVID-19.” Medium Paul Selig, a resident of New York City, was away from home leading a workshop when COVID-19 locked his city down. He is fortunate to be safe-sheltering on beautiful Maui, but his dog is in NY, his belongings have been moved into another apartment, and people are dying….
Nothing is not the Divine.
Everything must be re-known as “of the Source.”
You cannot lift the world by low resonance.
You lift yourself; then you lift everything you meet by co-resonance.A friend expressed concern about her beloved part-time job. I sent a link to the video, asking her to watch it then address her concerns.
This is a great initiation for humanity. Initiations are not fun, much of this is very unpleasant. We cannot control things, we cannot stop this situation, and like a woman in labor or a man on a cross, “The only way out is through.”
Selig’s Guides tell him this is a time when we must be in conversation with the God within. As I was scrubbing water spots from our glass shower doors (which had been left spotless) I felt like Goldilocks, “SOMEONE has been showering in our shower, and they left it a mess.” The stream of triggering thoughts and emotions; inappropriate, disrespectful, unfair, I always get stuck cleaning up other people’s messes, etc.
I hear from my “Guides” that this is not my first rodeo. I am reminded I cleaned 6,000 square feet of space in the former Holistic Alliance as we disbanded the 501-C3. Overwhelming. My guides remind me this is not a time for blame. This is a time to bring beauty everywhere we can. So, I wiped and scrubbed and shined. (FYI – If you have not yet discovered Mr. Clean’s Durafoam Magic Eraser you will want to check them out.)
It is not going to be the way we want it.
We are being given the opportunity to experience a very simple life.
Say, “Yes!” and celebrate.
Be grateful for what you do have.
Care for one another.
Recognize the Divine in this experience.Our entire house is clean now. Most of it is in order, other than the leaking hot-water heater, and the missing trim in the laundry room. Eventually we will have workers in to rebuild the linen cupboard that had to be torn out because of the mold, but for now, all of the essentials are visibly organized in the clear totes I took our Florida stuff out of.
Selig says, of course, he is devastated and brokenhearted, but he has to hope, “Good is coming from this.”
He says, “Look at every choice you make in fear. You are going to get more of the same. What you damn, damns you back.”
Easter Sunday always follows Good Friday, just as spring always follows winter.
“Behold, I make all things new.”
The new can be reborn.
Changed, not fixed.
Not pretending it is not happening.
Honoring, valuing the supermarket worker and garbage collector.Paul’s guides suggest you say this mantra:
“I know who I am in truth. I know how I serve in truth. I am free… I am free… I am free.”
He calls this being in the Upper Room.
We can say the same mantra on behalf of those we love or judge or fear: “I know who you are in truth. I know how you serve in truth. You are free… you are free… you are free.”
On the bright side, during our intense putting-things-back-in-order, John found a package of N-95 masks in our barn! Precious, life-saving masks were picked up by our beloved friend, Diana Collins. They are going to Caring Circle (our local hospice). No matter how inconvenient all of this is for us, we are not on the front line, and we have what we truly need.
I know how I serve in truth…
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Homeward Bound
Today latex gloves and a stylish face cover have come forth. We are prepared….
I feel bathed in prayer and love. Mary Jo Bulbrook sent a message about meditating at the precise moment of the Jupiter/Pluto conjunction which is 10:45 pm on Saturday, April 4, 2020 (Eastern Standard Time.)
The last time Jupiter and Pluto met up in Capricorn was in 1771, during the Russian Plague (gulp).
If you are inclined, please join.
Some may not see this post before the meditation, so just borrow a shamanic understanding and bend time. It is never too late, and what you offer now makes a big difference.
This morning’s journal entry: “Your planet is simply raising its vibration to the next world like a child who moves from kindergarten to first grade or graduating from high school and going to college…. Your outer world will still exist, but your experience of it is being transformed…. Some will for a time linger in suffering, but the organism that is your planet is being resurrected…. Not really any different from your daughter’s surviving the virus helping ALL humans and the virus learn…. Everything arises out of conditions. Love is arising out of the current conditions. Put on the crown. You are ready.”
ASCENSION TIMELINE MEDITATION INSTRUCTIONS
from Dr. Mary Jo Bullbrook1. Use your own technique to bring you to a relaxed state of consciousness.
2. State your intent to use this meditation as a tool to shift the planet into the most optimal timeline and as a tool to completely remove the coronavirus.
3. Visualize a pillar of brilliant white Light emanating from the Cosmic Central Sun, then being distributed to Central Suns of all galaxies in this universe. Then visualize this light entering through the Galactic Central Sun, then going through our Galaxy, then entering our Solar System and going through all beings of Light inside our Solar System and then through all beings on planet Earth and also through your body to the center of the Earth.\
4. Visualize this Light transmuting all remaining coronavirus on Earth, disinfecting all infected areas on the planet, healing all patients, removing all fear associated with this epidemic and restoring stability.
5. Visualize the course of events on planet Earth shifting into the most positive timeline possible, shifting away from all epidemics, away from all wars, away from all global domination. Visualize white, pink, blue and golden Light healing all inequalities, erasing all poverty and bringing abundance to all humanity. Visualize a new grand cosmic cycle of the Age of Aquarius beginning, bringing pure Light, Love and Happiness to all beings on Earth.
Approach everything as it fits you. If these words work—use them, for sure this is a wish for our would you can get behind.
Come up with your own way of making sense of everything. Today is the 2oth day I have not been within less that six feet of anyone other than John. He is still on steroid treatment for the diagnosis of polymyalgia, likely related to the mold at our house. Mold and virus are both powerful totems.
Pure Light, Love and Happiness to all beings on Earth sounds like wonderful next right step.
We are homeward bound!
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Packing, Deep Cleaning, and Blessing
The one who says nothing good came of this is not yet listening.
~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola EstésPreparations for our safe travels back to Michigan from our Pine Island Paradise are underway here—packing, deep cleaning, blessing…. this season is like none other. For the first time EVER, we will not visit with our PEEPS in Tennessee. That is emotionally hard.
Below are excerpts of and hot links to some past blog entries. These come from my heart to your heart to be blended seamlessly with your current needs, spiritual or religious beliefs, and familiar support practices.
Like panning for gold, make your own everything that is of value to you and simply release the rest. We don’t have time or energy to waste on what does not work.
When we release some of the self-identity and separation, we come to feel our interconnection with everything. The tree dances with the wind not because the wind forces the tree but because the wind and tree literally inter-are. They share the same core of being. The wind is the tree; the tree is the wind. And so they dance together. You can dance with life in the same way. ~ Aaron
Barbara Brodsky’s summation was simply, “When our practice comes from that place of interconnection, we are attending with skillful support.”
At the relative level we appear to be separate, but at the ultimate level, there is no separate self. You can understand that no wave is separate from the ocean. The wind and the tree and you and I dance with life. We inter-are….
People are navigating every one of the eight worldly conditions: loss and gain, good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, sorrow and happiness. To practice Upekka is to be unwavering or to stay neutral in the face of each of these.
From my journal 12-14-19:
Releasing Negative ChargeToday takes on a charge. Each day does this.
The idea of lovingkindness being an active “taking in” of the day and allowing the charge to be released is relevant to all now.
You were dreaming about the environment when you woke up this morning. You saw your friend’s email about the beach in Michigan being eroded. Some would just point fingers and blame. This only amplifies the negative charge.
As you bring loving awareness to the situation — not denial, not ignorance, not sticking your head in the sand — you are allowing the transmutation, which is natural, to work for the benefit of all.
You can mine support in everything. Here is an entry from Barbara Brodsky’s Daily Recollection, which can be used with or without a 108-bead mala.
I remember the ten perfections and will practice them well:
43rd bead: Generosity
44th bead: Morality
45th bead: Energy
46th bead: Wisdom
47th bead: Renunciation
48th bead: Lovingkindness
49th bead: Truthfulness
50th bead: Resolution (clarity)
51st bead: Equanimity
52nd bead: PatienceHere is the link to the Chant Book:FREE CHANT BOOK
The next time we are face-to-face will be the deepest of joys never again to be taken for granted….
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What Endures?
Sunday, March 29, 2020 was the second (and last) day of the Deep Spring Meditation Center virtual retreat with Barbara Brodsky, Aaron, and John Orr. In the afternoon, I went to Galt Nature Preserve for my walking meditation.
This is the latest/driest I have been here in Southwest Florida. The flora I am familiar with and love, including Sweet Acacia, has almost died back entirely. New (unfamiliar) flora is coming forth.
I took a short video of the wind singing through the dry palms sounding just like a far-away water fall.
As I arrived back at my car, hawk flew directly overhead swooping low!
Juvenile eagle soared with its wide, young wings, just above the horizon, about 300 yards away. This eaglet was born here in the preserve earlier this season, in the nest a short distance from the drive. December seems so very long ago now.
Yellow police tape surrounds the pavilion as though the deserted picnic tables had recently been the scene of a crime.
The sun was hot on my skin.
The thermometer on the instrument panel indicated 87 degrees. All season I had stayed in the house during the heat of the day, protecting myself from the discomfort.
The past two afternoons while ‘on retreat’ I had walked in the heat.
Tenderly, I witnessed a pattern in my past of wanting to avoid being uncomfortable. My throat tightened around the thought that perhaps we miss too much….
I turned the air conditioning off before starting the engine in the stifling hot car which has black interior and was parked in the hot tropical sun.
I pushed the button to lower the windows and was amazed how refreshing the air felt.
In his closing comments, John Orr spoke of aging and of the current conditions in our world. He said so much is falling away, but even though there is suffering, we can reflect with gratitude on what has been wonderful and beautiful. We can ask, “What endures?”
May this humble human remember….
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6 Daily Quarantine Questions
Life is totally interrupted by this COVID-19 mandated safe sheltering/social distancing/self-quarantine. I chose to “attend” a two-day meditation retreat with about 80 others virtually. This virtual Deep Spring Meditation Center retreat with Barbara Brodsky, Aaron, and John Orr is a first…. but, just about everything in the current conditions is UNPRECEDENTED.
During the Q&A portion, another retreatant shared six daily quarantine questions, suggested by James Baraz, founding teacher of Spirit Rock Meditation Center, co-author with Shoshana Alexander of “Awakening Joy: Ten Steps to Happiness.” Baraz teaches a five-month, internationally-recognized “Awakening Joy” course. Here are roughly those six daily question:
1. What am I grateful for?
2. With whom am I checking in/and connecting today?
3. What expectations of “normal” am I letting go of today?
4. How am I getting outside today?
5. How am I using my body today?
6. What beauty am I creating/inviting/cultivating today?Yesterday afternoon we had a period of optional walking meditation or rest. I drove to a nearby nature trail.
When I approached the bridge, a lone juvenile white ibis was on the rail. I stood still, just watching. I usually see them in quite large gatherings, so plentiful here people call them Pine Island chickens. As I was the intruder, I was willing to wait—even if I had to wait for my entire walking period.Eventually the ibis dropped down to a small creek and I stepped softly onto the bridge. Moving slowly, stopping at the very place the ibis had been sitting on the rail, I stood silently watching below. The bird began to feed.
The ibis is a general term for long legged bird. Ibis “totem” meaning: If this bird is given to one as an animal totem then it denotes a graceful and well-balanced individual. Their beauty is feminine in quality.I tiptoed onto the trail. We had recently been given an exercise: choose an area in your house and walk backwards. Notice the tension. Catch the sensations and thoughts when things are not “normal” and feel out of control.
I decided to walk backwards on the trail. I had to be VERY mindful because the clearing of the trail left lots of cross-cut roots.
I covered quite a bit of distance before it was time to head back for the 4:30 session. I continued walking backwards to my car. At first I noticed more tension going that direction. I obviously preferred moving forward, even when I was walking backwards. Noting the tension, I chose to enjoy seeing where I had been, while trusting I was going where I wanted to go.Back at the bridge, I saw this bright yellow painted rock with the words “Do more with less.” The lone juvenile ibis was still contentedly feeding down below.
Our evening dharma talk ended with Aaron asking us a powerful question. “What is the world YOU wish to see in five, or ten, or 20 years?”He continued, “Do you want to create a world in which all beings live in peace? YOU are the expression of the divine. YOU have immense power to create…. Join together hand-to-hand and create that which you wish to create. Watch the arising of fear, anger, greed. Remember how to relate to these. Relate with an open heart. May all beings come to the end of suffering….”
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Roller Coaster of Emotions
“Whatever happens to me is not nearly so important as the way I look at the happening — the way I feel about it.” Columbus, Ohio, August 1982, “Little Surrenders,”, Step By Step
My former Yellow Brick Road post ended on a high note, but the circumstances around COVID-19 are stimulating a roller coaster of emotions for most of us.
The evening after I baked and delivered cookies, John and I saw Louie, one of the guys from shuffleboard. Louie said, “You think about it like ‘I have the virus’ and you’ll do the right thing.”
Having seen the stability chart of this virus, I was awake in the middle of the night, writing in my journal, “If I knew I had the virus would I have baked the cookies and delivered them to people I love?”
Later that morning, I shared my concern and remorse with Nancy, a recipient of oatmeal raisin cookies, who brought me to tears with her response, “If I were to die from an infected cookie, I would die with gratitude for the savoring of it.”
If I were ever to get a tatoo, mine would be: UNPRECIDENTED.
Every action has myriad thought, word, and deed.
The better consciousness in me lifts me into a world where there is no longer personality and causality or subject or object.
~ Arthur Schopenhauer (1788—1860), known as the first German philosopher to incorporate Eastern thought into his writings
I notice how many individual lives seem to have been lined up with our collective (global) experience. My belief is that has been/is true for EVERY individual life, but some examples are totally obvious.
One friend moved to another state for family support as they hoped to have a baby. They gave birth to Athena in February, and are now safe sheltering alone. Amazingly, this couple mindfully allowed their daughter to choose her own name. Athena means: One who is wise. Athena is the goddess of war and wisdom. The name is associated with the “lucky number” of four. 2020 equals four in simple numerology….
Late last fall, one couple got their finances in order by closing out high-interest credit cards and consolidating to a family run bank with reasonable interest, and no risk of foreclosure.
The husband of a dear friend passed in late January. He had been receiving hospice care at home, and it would have been so much more stressful for her to still be trying to care for him. Thankfully, she had some time to adjust to living alone before the order to stay in place came down.
Our daughter, Stacey, and her husband, Doug, would have had a very drastic life-style change if they had not been living on their sailboat since October. We saw them on Facetime briefly yesterday and they are content, and appreciating the sun shade Doug just put up over their deck.
My anxiety level is increased because (as of the moment of this writing) we do not yet know if our house is Michigan is ready for us to return, or if the team that has been doing the mold remediation will be allowed to finish. This fear around “home” is a childhood pattern for me and I am doing my best to comfort the frightened feelings and remind myself I am safe. We will get through this.It takes a lot to navigate these situations, but we do know they are impermanent.
From this morning’s journal: You have so little to do now. I would want you to be easy with yourselves, and truly be easily delighted, Soften up…. Be sure you are calling on the light in your heart. That is truly your HOME.
And these words from Aaron, “Each of you, as you find compassion for your own fear and negativity, will intuitively understand how to bring that compassion out in the world so as to say no to those who hoard, those who manipulate, those who turn their backs on others’ suffering. You say no with love. Acting from fear has nothing to do with how much wealth or power you have, it has to do with the level of consciousness.”
P.S. Here is the face of Barbara Brodsky, my beloved teacher and friend, from last night’s ZOOM class. She is such a role model!
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Cookies
I have been safe sheltering for one week because of the global outbreak of COVID-19.
Today I baked cookies.
I used all of the flour, all of the brown sugar, 4 of the eggs, and almost the last of the butter.
While my action might seem mundane to some, to me it was holy.Canadian friends, Davey and Eli, are heading home tomorrow. Davey loves my chocolate chip cookies. I wrote: “Health Food for Your Safe Travels” on the lid.
After Fred repaired my built in microwave a few years ago, I gave him oatmeal raisin cookies and a card: A dozen cookies and a million thanks. He quipped, “I would rather have a dozen thanks and a million cookies!” Since that time, I always bake and pack the baker’s dozen for him. It is a sacrament.
Nancy Green was offered either or both. She chose oatmeal raisin. I learned today they are her preference. This is a time for learning….
Along with Nancy’s cookies, I delivered an N-95 mask for a friend-of-a-friend. (See Sacred Story: N-95.)
Yesterday, I used the last half-cup of heavy whipping cream. Our friends/neighbors generously take us out on their pontoon boat, so she received the last two vegan bran muffins with her favorite devonshire cream.
I wish I could get the oatmeal raisin cookies and vegan bran muffins to Joel Bowman in Michigan. Those are his two favorites.
I wish I could get chocolate chip cookies to the folks across the street who are back in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I had planned to take some to them when we were in Chattanooga to attend the college graduation of our granddaughter, Courtney Nicole Ross. No graduation ceremony at UT this year of COVID-19.
I told Courtney we will have Larry Britton use Photoshop to create a blast of an event for her. Their motto is “If you can dream it, you can make it.”
Her grandpa and I paid the $100 for her gown. She is the first woman to graduate college in my family line. My grandma did not, my mom did not, I did not, and Courtney’s mom did not. Congratulations, Courtney. We are so proud of you.
I would make pasta salad with nothing but dressing for you. And Kraft Mac and Cheese.
Preparing and sharing food is as ancient as human civilization.
I think of events I have been in the kitchen for.
I have worn out many an apron….
Earlier today a friend sent this powerful prose about how our staying at home is healing the earth.
“And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened and rested, and exercised, and made art and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses and made new choices, and dreamed new images and created new ways to live and heal earth fully, as they had been healed.”
~ Kitty O’Meara
Today I am no less aware of the unfathomable losses and unprecedented uncertainty related to the COVID-19 pandemic, but I am more aware how the majority of the people on earth slowing down for this time is having an immediate and potentially everlasting benefit to the planet itself.
Many are being kinder.
Many are realizing how fortunate most of us are.
Many are learning the distinction between needs and wants.
I am grateful to be part of all of this. My pantry may be running low on some things but my heart is filled to overflowing with gratitude and love….
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Distinction
Buttering my bread, I wonder if I will run out of either or both before this is over. I notice the habit pattern of the worry brain. Will John continue to have cream for his coffee?
Being comfortable or satiated will end long before risk of malnutrition or starvation.
Questioning the ethics of having someone deliver food to me: my desire to have my favorite tea overriding the safety or even the life of another.
Last evening, choking on a piece of anniversary steak, not quite able to swallow (even saliva) for a few seconds, compassion for those dying from this virus without breath flooded my body.
COVID-19.
Tucked within all of this inconvenience is such tender truth. I am at this moment still among the more fortunate. I am not separate from anything that is happening, although I am insulated from the worst of it.
Remembering a small book I read about the children orphaned by the bombing raids of World War II. “Someone had the idea of sending each child to bed with a piece of bread to hold. Bread, real food to hold. And they could finally sleep because they knew that they would wake up and have something to eat in the morning.” (See Sleeping with Bread: Holding What Gives You Life, by Dennis Linn.)
Perhaps I should sleep with a favorite bag of tea.
When I exit the master bedroom, having been on Zoom with my writing group, John has made egg salad. I say, “Oh, Honey, I wish you hadn’t used the eggs. Did you not hear me say I had found a couple cans of tuna in the cupboard?”
“I didn’t want tuna,” he snapped. “We can get more eggs.”
“How are we going to do that?” I ask.
“You can call and have deliveries made. They will deliver food right to your door.”
Whether his tone, words, or energy, I feel and inquire, “Are you annoyed with me?”
“I am,” he admits, as he walks out of the kitchen.
I take the lump in my throat back with me to the master bedroom where my laptop is and I put my fingers on the keyboard.
Breathe….
Earlier this morning I had a phone conversation about the ethics of going to the bank to make a deposit. It is a rather large check. It felt safer to do what was familiar: to go to the bank. Safer for all sentient beings?
Whose lives are put on the line to deliver our eggs to the grocery store, to move them from the grocery store to the people who order them from their safe shelter?
I feel that familiar tension—sadness— of sharing life with those who view the world so differently. I am so mad at him for his self-centered world view. It frightens me. In that feeling, I gently witness the sense of “selfing” I have created again.
No individual “I” is separate, neither are “mine” exempt.
The pandemic will end more easily as I see the truth about this distinction….