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I Love You, Daddy!
Today is my dad’s re-birth day. Daddy had a fatal heart attack while rototilling his garden on May 7, 1992. He had pulled his old truck up to the edge of the garden and would do one row down-and-back, then sit in the truck to rest a bit before doing the next row. I think he knew his heart was blocked again but he was not willing to do more aggressive treatment and he was not going to stop doing what he loved doing, even if it killed him.
As my fingers dance across the keyboard, I have greater insight into my nervousness when I catch John sitting and resting during his working out in the yard time. A flood of compassion comes into my heart for me, and for all humans navigating this moment with the memory of former moments trailing a blaze of glory across our synapses.
This brings to mind natural horsemanship as taught by Pat Perelli. You are as kind as you can be. To begin, with your horse on a lead rope, lift up your hand and wiggle just your index finger at him as you give him the look that means you mean business. When you wiggle your finger, the lead rope shouldn’t move at all. If that does not get what you want, close your fingers on the rope and shake just your wrist. The rope should move a little, but it shouldn’t make the halter move at all. (Keep giving him ‘the look.’) If that does not produce the desired result, lock your wrist tight and bend your arm at the elbow. Move your forearm back and forth. This should cause the rope and the halter to move so your horse can now feel it quite a bit. Only if this does not work, lock your arm really straight and swing your entire arm from your shoulder joint. Your horse will really feel this, as the rope and the halter are moving hard. And most importantly, as soon as your horse takes even one little step–at any phase–stop immediately and relax your body. This is how he will know that he did the right thing.
But how do we know when we have done the right thing???
Yesterday, I did some drawing and writing after I became aware of a thought that “I would have expected myself to have had more awareness.” You have likely heard the phrase that the beatings will continue until morale improves? Well, that idea has big implications for each of us.
These are the words on my page:
Life is disorienting. You long for rules so you can always be sure what is the right way. It does not work that way. You are always making major decisions with insufficient data. (See An Eschatological Laundry list: A Partial Register of the 927 (or was in 928?) Eternal Truths, by Sheldon Kopp, 1974) You base past choices on present understanding. Notice how freeing it is for you to rest in the truth that people always make the best choices available to them at that moment in those conditions. Relax. Trust. Forgive. Release.
I included Brugh Joy’s injunctions: Make no judgements. Make no comparisons. Delete the need to understand.
And then I added ALL IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.
Daddy, I am glad your spiritual being helped me to recognize you are here with me even if it looks like you are gone. People do leave their bodies, but they do not leave their loved ones. I am especially grateful you were the way my heart came to truly know that the grace of god is more gracious than any religion or dogma. I love you, Daddy.
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We’re Going Home, Toto…
My grandson, Brad, is working behind the scenes to move Yellow Brick Road to debrabasham.com and in doing so, we hope to bring together content from several websites, and purge information no longer accurate now that I am not formally working. It was fun this morning to read my very first blog posted Sunday, December 18, 2011 and titled “We’re Going Home, Toto…”
Here is the introduction to Yellow Brick Road: Your Path to Heart and Health.
It popped into my head that you can think about Wizard of Oz as an energy metaphor: you must follow the yellow brick road to get to the Emerald City. Ruby red slippers….
There’s no place like home….
This is my daughter’s cubical at work. She won a prize!
The more you think about it, the more powerful it becomes. And it fits with my life experience. In fact, I did not know anything about the “chakras” or hypnosis when I first learned about Healing Touch, but that did not keep it from changing my life for the better. I had been diagnosed with osteoarthritis of the hip and degenerative disc disease, L4, L5, and S1, had been experiencing chronic pain for a long time, and was currently taking 1,000 mg. of Naprosin daily. Along with the diagnosis, I was given the very bad hypnotic command that I would never have quality of life. Fortunately for me, I did not have to accept someone’s bad advice, even if I had paid to get it, and neither do you.
I admit that when I first learned Healing Touch techniques I did not fully appreciate them as self-hypnosis. They are, however, wonderfully trance inducing, and, as such, are very healing. Notice how hypnotic the language is in the Self Full-body connection: Place your right hand over the space between your legs just below the pubic bone, at the root chakra, and your left hand slightly below the navel on the sacral chakra. Picture a vortex of energy spinning in a clockwise direction until they match, balance, or feel equal. Just following the directions serves as a wonderful pattern interrupt.
Add to that awareness, the metaphor of each of the chakras. The needs of the root chakra are survival, health, and a sense of safety. The sacral chakra is about relationships, trust, flexibility, and freedom of expression. Your solar plexus governs feelings of your recognizing you have a good connection with others, and your knowing you are able to be comfortable in your surroundings. There are said to be colors associated with each of the chakras as well. Let’s just look at three for now: solar plexus is yellow, root is red, and heart is green. When you learn to use energy work as self care, it is like finding the wizard within.
You can see how the yellow brick road can be thought of as a balanced and functioning solar plexus chakra. And where does the yellow brick lead? Dorothy and her friends are off to see the wizard – they are going to the Emerald City: an open heart center. And where was her magic? In those ruby red slippers! When you are able to be well grounded and centered, you are comfortable with and in your body, and you act with confidence in the material world.
Think about the characters Dorothy met and begin to recognize the meaning in what each seemed to need. The Scarecrow needed a brain. We have all seen someone who was ungrounded and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off. Scattered thinking, fight or flight behavior, and overwhelmed with daily routine. The Cowardly Lion needed some courage. This is related to personal power, self-esteem, and trusting one’s “gut instincts.” Tin Man, of course, like each of us, desires the ability to give and receive love, to experience the acceptance of self and others, to truly live what is called unconditional love.
When this band of wayward ones arrives at the Emerald City, the truth is seen, once and for all. There is no outer wizard who has the power to grant our wishes. The journey itself was what enabled each to discover the power within. It was within her all along. All Dorothy had to do was to click those ruby red slippers together…. meaning get herself grounded. Then she and Toto would be home.
I was very fortunate that Doris Glowacki took a Healing Touch Level 1 workshop. She brought me her training manual and said to me, “I don’t know why I took this, but it is you.” I did not know about chakras. I did not know about auras. I did not know any of that, but the chakra connection said it was for relief from chronic pain and I knew about that. I looked at the pictures and put my hands where they showed and within a few weeks I was off all of the pain medication and I was pain free. It made a believer out of me and at that moment I made a vow that I would dedicate the rest of my life to telling everyone I met that you can be free of pain, too – physical, emotional and mental, or spiritual.
Here is a link so you can download a free handout and find out for yourself what a difference it makes in your life: https://debrabasham.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy-files/self-full-body.pdf.
A new version of the handout has language incorporating the Lord’s Prayer for those who wish to draw on the resources of the Christian religion https://debrabasham.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy-files/self-full-body-OF.pdf.
Now you can go home any time you like to….you were always safe and sound….it was all just a bad dream.
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The Birds Still Sing
We wake up to snow flurries this morning…. so grateful one week ago today we arrived home in Michigan in gorgeous sunshine. We had beautiful warm, sunny days all week. Until yesterday…. and now snow today. But the birds still sing!
Yesterday John and I went to St. John UCC in New Buffalo where I was guest pastor. When I spoke with Rol about coming I asked him if there was a theme he would most like me to reflect on, and he said he would like an update about our time in Florida. The title was Reflections from Florida: No Victims, Only Volunteers. Here are some notes from the sharing.
According to Merriam-Webster, “suffering” implies conscious endurance of pain or distress.
I did not cry a lot, but I did cry often.
In some ways I am perhaps the least prepared, and in other ways I am perhaps the best prepared for sharing a talk.
o Easy drive home
o Most pleasant week of weather we have ever returned to
o John’s getting sick right after we arrived home (stomach bug)
o My having a histamine storm a few days later (eyes swollen nearly shut and face on fire)
For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.
~ Dag Hammarskjöld, Grateful Living Word for Today, Gratefulness.orgOpening Music: “Our Thoughts are Prayers” by Eric Hansen
Nothing is the same. Disorienting. Collective loss. Hard to stay in the present moment.
o The view
o The thoughts
o The feelings
o The actionsFor all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.
Reading from: When a Loved One is Suffering
- I will continue to try to help where I can.
Fortunately “suffering” implies CONSCIOUS endurance of pain or distress.
o Work day volunteers (each left work on their own damaged or destroyed home to come help at the Civic Center)
o Cajun Navy (group of boat-owner-turned-first-responder post Katrina that now respond to other post-Hurricane)
o Christ in Action (demolition of damaged homes free of charge, including removing debris and cleaning site)
o Nancy’s going with us to make deliveries/buying baked goods and juice (her need to also GIVE)
o Linda Higbee making dinner for us our last day of deliveries (undergoing cancer treatment this winter as they work to repair the previous rental home that was severely damaged but they purchased post hurricane)For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.
All solutions breed new problems – because both problems and solutions are simply arising and ceasing out of conditions.
o Linda and Larry creating meals for a family of 8 who still had no stove (or beds) after 4 foot of water surge
o Birthday blog resulting in the purchase of a stove for the family
o Joan (owner of Molly, the dog I met) donating a gift certificate, blankets, pillows, canned goods, dry goods
o Beth and David (Linda’s sister and brother-in-law) buying linens for three of the younger children
o Basham Bargain Bazzar – not giving away but giving back (awareness when I dropped off precious Indian Tree pattern china I had used and loved for ten years to a friend who’s family had that pattern)For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes.
Ed’s gifting me a copy of Jingles’ Promise – meeting Norm and Rochelle. Ed calling this week with the story of Norm’s hiking in Japan.
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Posted April 14, 2023 in Sacred Stories
Hiking in Japan
By Debra BashamThe conversation about traveling to Japan started decades ago when his best friend for over fifty years asked him to accompany him to Japan. He had always said no, but as the years went by it became evident that the challenges of getting older would limit their ability to travel the world, and the chance may never present itself again, so this time he said, “Yes, I’ll go with you.”
While in Japan he went for a hike and came across a woman on the trail who had taken a spill. A seasoned hiker himself, he had supplies in his pack so he stopped to offer her some first aid. She was not seriously injured.
He told her he was from Florida, USA. She said she was from Holland – not the city, but the country.
When he mentioned having previously hiked the Appalachian Trail, she quickly added that she had just read a book about a guy who had done that. “What is the name of the book you read?” he inquired before continuing, “My wife and I recently wrote a book about my trip.”
“Jingles’ Promise,” she said.
Reaching into his pack, he pulled out a copy of their book, Jingles’ Promise: A Father’s Quest for Truth on the Appalachian Trail.
“This is our book,” he was holding up a copy of Jingles’ Promise. “I am Jingles,” he said broadly smiling. They were both so moved by their having made this connection!
“How did you find out about the book?” he asked.
“A friend from another country in Europe told me about it.”
What are the odds these two individuals — he from Florida and she from Holland — would be hiking at the same time and in the same place in Japan?
They were standing on holy ground. They saw the significance. Even if they had been hiking there at the same time they likely would never have made the connection if she had not taken the spill.
They could both see clearly there is no “chance” experience….
Though he and his wife had done nothing to promote their book, here he was hiking in Japan and meets a woman from Holland — not the city but the country — who had learned about Jingles’ Promise from a friend in another country in Europe.
Amazing….
(ALL PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF JINGLES’ PROMISE WILL BE DONATED TO HELP PEOPLE RECOVERING FROM TRAUMA AND LOSS.)
Closing Music: “This is My Father’s World” by Amy Grant
Let us pray. “Suffering” implies conscious endurance of pain or distress – knowing there are no victims, only volunteers – remembering there are no “chance” experiences – continuing to try to help where we can – for all that has been, giving thanks, and for all that shall be, saying yes. Mark Nepo said joy is the transformation of our suffering, not the escape of all we have to face. Amen.
So today is cold and snowy. The weather conditions of our lives change. We navigate challenging conditions, pleasant conditions, neutral conditions. It is not what happens to us that is most important. It is how we respond to what happens.
The birds still sing….
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Your Memory is Ecstasy
The winter season for this snowbird has included swimming in the river of emotions. We spent tender time with friends and neighbors who have lost their homes, had their homes severely damaged, are still working to repair or adjust six months after Hurricane Ian hit. And beyond all of that, losses of many friends and family members.
We are not alone in loss. Daily deliveries of loss remind us of the truth of impermanence.
When my sister and brother-in-law performed the final act of love and had their beloved cat euthanized, EVERYONE at the office, including the veterinarian, cried. Here is Janis and a sleeping Twizzle.
Twizzle was not an ordinary cat. The way he observed, learned, and participated in his surroundings demonstrated clearly he was more human than cat. Larry said he knows Twizzle could have helped him with projects if he had had opposable thumbs!
Life does not leave us bereft after loss, however, and vivid evidences of the continuity of love continue. Barbara Brodsky asked me when I was grieving the loss of an aged tree on our lot, “Does the tree still live in your heart?”
Oh, yes…. it lives on.
Our beloved Pine Island community lives on in our hearts.
My dharma brother, Allen, lives on in my heart.
Our cousin, Cheryl Basham, lives on in our hearts.
I miss Miss Molly, my doggy friend I made in Port Charlotte riding my bicycle.
My sister, Janis, heard this song on The Voice. She said it speaks truth of her beloved Twizzle. It probably speaks truth of all loss and love.
Ghost
Youngblood thinks there’s always tomorrow
I miss your touch on nights when I’m hollow
I know you crossed a bridge that I can’t follow
Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know
That if I can’t be close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
I miss you more than life (more than life)
And if you can’t be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life
Youngblood thinks there’s always tomorrow
I need more time but time can’t be borrowed
I’d leave it all behind if I could follow
Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know
That if I can’t be close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
I miss you more than life (yeah)
And if you can’t be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy (oh)
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life
Whoa
Na, na-na
More than life
(Oh)
So if I can’t get close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
But I miss you more than life
And if you can’t be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than lifeSource: LyricFind
Songwriters: Jonathan David Bellion / Jordan Kendall Johnson / Justin Bieber / Michael Ross Pollack / Stefan Adam Johnson
Ghost lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, IncYesterday I was able to see a close friend who developed dementia and was moved to live near his family. Our daughter had to drive to another city to pick something up from a client. The facility my friend lives is was only 2.7 miles from where our daughter needed to be. John and I went along and we were so thankful to be recognized and to have the opportunity to visit with our precious friend. I took him one of his favorite vegan bran muffins.
Oh, yes, your memory is ecstasy….
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Killdeer Babies: Know Where to Look
When you cease to relate to the darkness
as something separate or other than the light,
this invites the darkness into its sacred expression.
In its highest expression
it comes as teacher — perhaps not pleasant,
but as teacher.
Pain, fear, grief —
not separate from the light.
~ AaronOn Tuesday evening at the Awakening and Living Awake class we heard, “When it is dawn in your back yard, it is dusk on the other side of the world.” We have been looking at our relationship to darkness over the past few years. Aaron has suggested we ask ourselves what duality (I would edit this to be “seeming” duality) we most frequently get caught in. Aaron said Barbara most often gets caught in wanting to have a body that is pain free and wanting a husband who can participate with her.
Someone spoke of the idea that it “should” (I would add or should not) be this or that way, rather than allowing it to be the way it is. The term “duality of expectations” was used.
In small group I spoke of my most frequent experience being a state that is not even holding an intention or an intention being held but awareness that is aware of holding and aware of being held where both exist. Words seem inadequate, but I think of it as a transcendent awareness. A classmate spoke of the need to not see yourself as “the kind one” or get caught up in being “the meditating one” as an identity. This is just another type of duality of expectations.
For example, I have been blessed to see three baby Killdeer on my early morning bike ride. The thing that is most unusual about this sighting is Killdeers’ determination to protect their offspring at all costs, even at great risk of harm to themselves. I recall having seen an adult Killdeer along that street a few times, but I was focused on the nesting Night Herons I have been watching up in the tree along that same street.
Truth be told, Killdeer chicks are born with great camouflage. Streaks of color make them near impossible to be seen against gravel, brush, or leaves.
Even so, the adults try every trick in the books to divert attention away from their young. They will often pretend they have an injured wing to get your attention and flail on the ground. This behavior has resulted in the Killdeer coming to signify protectiveness, family values, and self-sacrifice.
Once I had seen the chicks, the next day when first one and then a second adult crossed the street in front of me going off to my right I knew where not to look.
Looking in the opposite direction, I could see all three chicks directly across the street!
“Pure sheltered innocence of childhood” is also part of the symbolism of Killdeer.
We do not enjoy difficult experiences. It is natural to be resistant when things do not go or look as we expected. Our last few days in Paradise are spent with the house we are renting getting a new roof. The damage occurred six months ago when Hurricane Ian made landfall. We have been here since December 20, AND NOW A NEW ROOF? All this week, as have been trying to pack and load the cars the yard and drive have been booby trapped with roofing nails!
This is not what I wanted. But THIS ignites a spot previously touched. I had already experienced the home owner as dismissive about our finding two huge (dead) roaches in the pots and pans cupboard and the lack of cleanliness upon arrival. We learn both skillful means and unskillful means from our previous experiences.
Because of my previous experience I knew where not to look and I knew where to look to see what I wanted to see: the Killdeer babies.
In its highest expression pain, fear, and grief come as teacher — perhaps not pleasant, but teacher none-the-less. Getting caught in duality causes such profound pain. If we want to see what we want to see, we must know where to look.
We are all moving through our past. We were children. We were adolescents. We have had lots of experiences and some may have been challenging, unpleasant, dismissive or even abusive. We are also moving into our future where we do not yet know what we will see or not see. We do not know what will surprise and delight us — or surprise and offend or harm us. This is the nature of working with both the darkness and the light.
Would you think it possible to get two full-sized lampshades into a 2-quart pitcher? I was able to roll up two full-sized lamp shades and slip them neatly into this pitcher for safe travels North. Here is a photo to prove it!
As Robert Fulghum wrote in All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “Don’t believe everything you think!”
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Indian Tree Giving
Because the collective is shifting so rapidly, we are doubling back for upgrades to things we have long-known. Yesterday for me was “The Rule of Six.” Simply put, any thought or belief that I recognize has the slightest tinge of lack, I can allow six alternate ways of experiencing it. This teaches the mind instantaneous flexibility so we don’t clamp down on our thoughts or beliefs and cause ourselves pain.
Monday was another powerfully heart opening experience post-Ian. Linda cooked while I organized many boxes of household items. We had storage space for these items at our seasonal rental on Bounty Lane, but that precious home was damaged by the hurricane and is still in the tear-down-to-build-up phase, so we have used stuff here in Port Charlotte this winter but we are heading home in about ten days.
I filled the van with creatively displayed boxes. We drove to many friends on the island where they could select from the Basham Bazaar Buggy (the back of my van). At our first stop Nancy made her selections and said, “I want to go with you on the rest of your stops….”
The first was at the Winn Dixie grocery store for Linda to buy ice cream for the family we were taking a meal to. Our friend went into the store with me as Linda waited in the van. Our friend told me she wanted to buy some additional things for the family. She selected two boxes of Entenmann’s Minis Fudge Iced Golden Cakes, a large bottle of apple juice and some pink lemonade mix. I could feel how important it was for her to be part of the giving role.
Our next stop was at the home of friends that took on water up to her armpits. Connie and her husband have worked tirelessly for over five months and say now their home is almost back to pre-hurricane condition. This friend is actually the sister of a very close Michigan friend, named Pam.Soon after I bought a whole box (almost an entire set) of these Indian Tree patterned dishes for $5 (from the estate sale of a woman coincidentally named Pam), Pam told me this pattern was their mother’s good china, and she had the set!
I confess I have a dish fetish. I have loved these dishes. I would invite Connie for tea every season so she could sip from “her mother’s” tea cups. When Covid kept us from meeting face-to-face I gifted Connie one tea cup and one saucer, saying we could drink from her mother’s dishes and feel our connections across time and distance.I know these vintage dishes are rather expensive — online I saw one square sandwich plate for $40, one cereal bowl for $20, and a partial set listed for over $550. I had no idea.
I do not have room for them in Michigan.It broke my heart to give them up, until I realized I am not giving them up, I am giving them back.
I also gave Connie the beautiful plaid napkins I found that coordinate beautifully. And a little red butter dish with a matching red knife.
The next day Nancy sent a photo of the dishes she selected from Basham Bazaar Buggy mindfully placed in the cupboard of her recently purchased duplex near center island after her house was a total loss.
Her text message read, “A beginning! So grateful!
Tears fall easily here….
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True Spirit
Last evening we watched “True Spirit” about Jessica Watson, an Australian teen who sailed around the world in a 30-foot yacht. This morning I went online to research some of the details of the account and, not wanting this to be a spoiler alert, I will simply share this reply to the inquiry of how true-to-life the film was:
There’s some “movie magic,” but True Spirit is “scarily accurate” to what she experienced on her journey, she said. In another Instagram, Jessica posted a video clip from the trailer and explains that “some of @teagancroft’s lines ring so true to me today – it’s a little unnerving in a lovely way.”
Watching was a bit more personal to John and me given Stacey and Doug setting sail on The Lady Gail in October of 2019. The pandemic stopped them in their tracks, and they sold their beloved boat in Florida, bought a truck, and drove back to Tennessee.
Not all journeys go where we expected to go, go the way we planned, nor end the way we dreamed.
On the last side street of my normal morning bike ride yesterday morning I had a wonderful but unexpected bird encounter. The first thing I saw was a fairly large bird flying with an impressive-looking branch/twig. It was obviously building material for a nest. The bird landed in the center of an empty lot. I thought it might be a juvenile Great Blue Heron, but a closer look revealed it to be a Night Heron.
I watched the Heron fly into a nearby tree and excitedly present the prized material to a companion. Rebuffed briskly, the Heron was daunted but not dissuaded. Still holding onto the precious branch, it landed on a lower branch before ever-so-gently trying again to present its gift. Success! This time the branch was inspected, accepted, and the pair began working together to weave it into what appeared from the ground to be quite humble beginnings of a home.
Parking my bike, I stood there quite still for a long time just taking it all in. Although the lighting was not helpful, I was able to get a short video and a couple of still shots of the couple. I had spotted another Night Heron a bit higher and off to the left in the tree. Then I noticed a second pair of Herons slightly below and to the right of the pair I had been observing. (This morning’s internet facts: Night Herons likely mate for life, are thought to be monogamous, and form small colonies where both the male and female work in nest building, taking turns sitting on the eggs, and co-parenting the chicks.)
Very few trees of much size survived Hurricane Ian so this may not have been a normal nesting tree for Night Herons, but they were obviously making the most of what was available to them.
This could all be said about my life. I had not set out to be a teen-aged bride or a mom at 16 — the same age as Jessica Watson. While I did not sail around the world in a 30-foot yacht, we have certainly weathered many storms, and our marriage has proved to be a worthy vessel. Fifty-seven years ago today, March 19, 1966, John Basham and Debbie Smith said “I do.” Here is a happy 57th anniversary haiku:
John, I loved you then
And I would still say I do
I am proud of usWe took what we had
Made the most of all of it
We are still sailing!Spring always follows
winter which leads to summer
Fall is harvest timeWhat more may unfold?
Final chapters not yet done
And here we both areStill crazy after all these years!!!!
This is our true spirit!
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Don’t Know
“The truth is that you already are what you are seeking. You are looking for God with his eyes. This truth is so simple and shocking, so radical and taboo that it is easy to miss among your flurry of seeking.
You may have heard what I am saying in the past and you may even believe it, but my question is, have you realized it with your whole being? Are you living it?” ~ Adyashanti
The emotional experience this winter is challenging terrain. It is so interesting that for a while I have been navigating a lot of stuff with a fairly stable inner essence. At this time, not navigating so much, but experiencing a lot of inner instability.
Words seem to be part of the conditions that give rise to this. Co-housing with three others plays a part of the conditions for sure. But these are not what is really happening.
I was sharing something that had happened earlier in the day with the Deep Spring Group 2 on Tuesday night. John had gone in to take a nap. A while later Linda asked me, “Is John sleeping?” On the surface that seems like an easy question to answer, but a yes did not come to be. My response was more honest than a yes would have (or could have) been.
“Say only he went into the bedroom to take a nap,” I heard the words as they were being spoken. “I have no way of knowing if he is sleeping or not.”
This is so literally true, however it did not feel skillful. I fumbled trying to explain what was happening within my mind that would not let me speak something I knew I did not know. I watched emotion arise: sadness. I have been feeling a lot of sadness of late.
John Orr shed some light on my experience by speaking of the practice of DON’T KNOW MIND. John said just as there is within “the one who knows” there is also within “the one who does not know.” We are encouraged to practice don’t know mind until you are comfortable resting in uncertainty, until you can do your best and laugh and say “Don’t know.”
I can say I don’t know what has my emotions so stirred. I don’t know what will allow those waters to settle.
With certainty I can say it has not been easy living with me these months of co-housing.
With certainty I can say the emotions are not “me” or “mine” but they are mine to navigate.
On Sunday we went to Farmer Joe’s to buy fresh produce. Linda and I had a lengthy conversation about apples prior to our going. My lunch every day is an apple with some cheese. Earlier in the season we got Honey Crisp apples for 99 cents a pound. That day they were priced at one dollar and 99 cents a pound. I told her the price was not much different from the Pink Lady variety we had been buying of late, and, yes, I would appreciate her getting some Honey Crisp apples while they were at the market.
As we pulled into the parking lot, however, John announced that they had Fuji apples on sale, suggesting we buy those. When Linda turned to me and asked did I want her to get those my emotions flared. They got the Fuji apples and I had the first one yesterday. Say only, they are in my experience an inferior apple.
The sadness that rises within speaks many phrases. Why can others in our home be indulged for the things they prefer: John gets yogurt and milk and English muffins. Larry gets his grits and wine. Linda gets her carbonated water. I hear myself thinking, “I ask for so little.”
This could be seen as something happening inside of me or outside of me or both. But what is it really? The one who knows knows it is not about apples. The one who does not know watches the emotions cloud the sky. It has been most interesting to me to notice how much separation I am feeling. Lonely feelings in the midst of my dear ones.
One of my dharma sisters said to me at the end of our Group 2 sharing that I am likely feeling the emotional weight of the collective. We are here in the midst of the aftermath of Hurricane Ian. People still don’t have roofs; have not settled with their insurance companies; are sifting through rubble or do not even have access to rubble. So much familiar and favored has vanished. I have my personal experience of all of this, for sure, but nothing is happening in a vacuum.
Today John and I will drive to Pine Island and clean windows for our dear friend Nancy Green. Nancy has just purchased her half of a duplex near center island; she is now sharing a wall with a long-time friend who also was displaced by the winds and the rains.
We have seventeen days of this season here in Port Charlotte before we will return to our respective homes in Michigan.
Sufficient time for seeing these emotional distortions as real experiences rising out of the conditions but not having any permanent nature; days and nights for shining the light of compassion on it all; an eternity of time for practicing that don’t know mind until we are comfortable resting in uncertainty.
How long will this all take? Say only, “Don’t know.”
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Sea of Life Not Stay Same
Opening email this morning and reading Neale Donald Walsch’s words: “… in moments when things look bleak — especially in those moments — see only perfection, express only gratefulness, and then imagine only what manifestation of perfection you choose next.”
Cellular memory of our daughter Stacey’s move to Tennessee shortly after the birth of our first grandchild flooded in while sharing recently with a person who had made a cross-country move soon after her mother’s transition in the Midwest. While she was sure she was where she was to be, she was navigating intense feelings of “missing” her family and the fear of additional loss felt overwhelming.
Speaking about loss, grief, and the necessity of regaining our emotional equilibrium in the midst of a sea of changing conditions was a reminder my current feelings are woven together with the collateral losses resulting from Hurricane Ian.
My deep listening to Adyashanti shed some light on the universal journey with all of this. The talk was called “Self-Realization: I Got It!, I Lost It!” but it was excerpted from “The Timeless Nature of Being” given October 6, 2019, in Palo Alto, California.
Something about it is still with you. Not by grasping at it but just almost like that intuitive sense, “What haven’t I lost?” – just sensing that, making space for it…. ~ Adyashanti
I was at Walgreens waiting at the check-out counter for someone to come help with a rain-check for Ultra Soft Kleenex tissues. A young girl, maybe 10 or 11 years old, was next in line. As my wait time became longer and longer, I told her she was welcome to go ahead of me rather than wait. She said, “Its okay, I have my whole life ahead of me.”
Unable to stop myself, I responded, “I have my whole life ahead of me, too, but I suspect you have more time than I.”
A very wise expression came over her face….
The sea of conditions is ever changing, that is for certain. But notice how much our expectation creates our experience of what is, what was, and what is yet to be. That young girl might have transitioned before I got up this morning. No, the odds are not in that direction, but the life that we experience is not always what the odds might indicate.
We played a crazy-fun game this week while Linda’s sister, Brenda, was visiting. Poetry For Neanderthals is a word-guessing game like Password, but with a couple of quirky twists. First, you can only use one syllable words as clues. Second, if you use a larger word you get bopped in the head with a 2-foot long inflatable club.
For example, if you are trying to get your team to guess the word broccoli, you might say “Green thing you eat for live long and have good health.” The game forces you to explain complex ideas using simple words. I like that. I am good at that. That is why this post is SEA OF LIFE NOT STAY SAME.
One might go on to add SEA OF LIFE CAN STILL BE GOOD.
It takes a bit to be good at it but you can even say SEA OF LIFE CAN BE GREAT.
WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BE GLAD FOR WHAT IS WHILE YOU STILL FEEL SAD FOR WHAT WAS?
I THINK YOU GET THE POINT NOW. RIGHT?
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Pluto
Here is a new spiritual practice for you:
don’t take your thoughts too seriously.~ Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle
Overall our co-housing continues to go well here in Port Charlotte. I am noticing a subtle communication pattern that feels a bit like argumentativeness or attachment to view. Note: I said a SUBTLE communication pattern.
The content of the communication is irrelevant, other than there has to be something that reveals the pattern. We had fish for dinner. Fresh catch Sheepshead from Lon Maas.
Dinner talk shifted from how good the fish was to a freshwater fish by that same name that Linda had become familiar with fishing Lake Erie. I mentioned my niece having caught a Sheepshead while she was visiting Pine Island about ten years ago and my first understanding that the salt-water Florida fish is Sheepshead (plural sheeps), while the freshwater fish is Sheephead (singular sheep). My niece had said, “I think I found Grandma Smith’s dentures!”
Linda did a quick search and read aloud several tidbits, a couple of which were not at all what I thought I was remembering from the past. That was the end of our conversation. We went on with dinner and then played cards. But…. the following morning when I noticed my mind was still engaged, I did a quick search and opened to read:Sheepshead fish (Archosargus probatocephalus) are a species of ray-finned, predominantly marine fish commonly found along the eastern coastline of North America and South America. Sheepshead fish live in marine habitats and estuaries in the western Atlantic Ocean, from Nova Scotia in eastern Canada, down the eastern U.S. and Central American coastline, and as far south as southern Brazil. They are known for their front teeth, which can look uncannily like human teeth (opens in new tab). While sheepshead fish usually live in salt water and slightly salty brackish water, they are sometimes found in freshwater habitats in winter.
Sheepshead fish should not be confused with a similarly named species of fish on North America’s western coastline called the California sheephead (Semicossyphus pulcher). While both fish species have teeth, they are not closely related and belong to different families.
Sheepshead fish: Facts about the fish with ‘human’ teeth:Linda and I did talk about this some, specifically about how the browsers have a hand in shaping what information comes up in our searches. Years ago I was with three friends when we all put in the same key words using the same browser and totally different links came up for each of us. Whoa…
An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing” on the chalkboard and asked the students to punctuate the sentence correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All of the females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is powerful. Words are powerful. Intention is powerful. Silence is powerful.
The content of the next communication catalyst here in sunny Florida was palm oil. I will leave the conclusion to you: By the Way, Doctor, Is Palm Oil Good For You?, but after writing some in my journal about all of this, and talking to a friend who is fluent in all things metaphysical, I would note some of the current astrological influences written by Leah Whitehorse.
February 16, 2023
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A strong karmic overtone is in the air. With Mercury’s square to the Nodes, we’re pressed to address a skipped step, a missed conversation or connection that is vital for our evolutionary journey. Independent thought, without rejection of the perspectives of others, is important now. Talk about your past, what you found difficult, what you overcame. Free your mind to move forwards.
Today is the last time that the Sun will meet Saturn in Aquarius for almost 30 years. This then is the jewel in the crown of this transit, the illumination of ancient teachings, the foundation stone of innovative changes. Maybe we now understand the lesson, get a sense of a greater pattern or receive a glimpse of the future, a hint of things to come. Sitting at the feet of the Great Architect we learn that we have an integral part to play in the world. Step into your authority. Shoulder responsibilities with grace. Commit to your soul’s journey. You are capable. You are wise.
On February 14, 2022, Leah wrote about the US Pluto Return:
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Pluto is a symbol for profound change, regeneration, cleansing. It is the phoenix born from the ashes, death and rebirth. As ruler of the underworld, Pluto rules all those things that are unseen. The unseen might be treasure – like diamonds and precious metals that form deep in the earth. Or the unseen might be crime, abuse, theft, the sleazy stuff that goes on behind closed doors.
More from Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle:
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Throughout history humans have inflicted countless violent, cruel, and hurtful acts on each other, and continue to do so. Are they all to be condemned; are they all guilty? Or are those acts simply expressions of unconsciousness, an evolutionary stage that we are now growing out of?
Jesus’ words, “Forgive them for they do not know what they do,” also apply to yourself.
Silence is essential to remain loud and clear.
My silence inspires me to find my own voice.
Silence is the environment and atmosphere, the sacred vacuum into which God speaks.
Silent people have the loudest hearts.
In simple terms: Anything we did not totally clean up previously is getting stirred up. Everybody is going to be uneasy. We are going to experience anger. We can’t get out of it. Denial, projection, rationalization – none of the psychological defense mechanisms will protect us from Pluto. Because Pluto won’t let anything be hidden any more!