Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Yellow Brick Road

  • Gratitude Comes Early

    The light is always more powerful….

    “I invite the light into my life in all the ways.”

    ~ Lee Harris

    It has been one month and one day since I wrote a Yellow Brick Road post. We were in the final weeks of preparation in Michigan, and days were filled with packing and packed with visits with those we love and are already looking forward to being with in the springs when these snow birds fly home. Gratitude that our last evening was shared at the Chocolate Cafe enjoying great music with Art (and Ed), joined by Molly and Claudia. Exquisite, to say the least.

    The timing of our arrival in Tennessee was divinely driven as we received a call from Stacey on Saturday saying she was to have a heart cath on Tuesday morning. Gratitude we were able to be here so I could fasten and unfasten her bra and open and lift things for her while she was on restriction. And immense GRATITUDE Stacey had excellent results with no stent needed.

    Gratitude John and I were here to assist with moving Jackson, and GRATITUDE for our successful completion of three significant projects here at the house: cleaning the windows, cleaning out the dryer vent line (FYI – it goes all the way underneath the concrete the entire span of the garage!). and re-screening the windows with pet-resistant screen.

    Gratitude they enjoyed the meals I cooked for Stacey and Doug and John in those days following Stacey’s procedure…. and gratitude that Doug fried fish (and made French fries) for us for dinner last evening.

    Profound gratitude to grandson Brad for having moved decades of Sacred Stories and Yellow Brick Road posts from SCS-Matters.com and having successfully launched DebraBasham.com!

    Gratitude for Stacey’s one-handed help with cleaning the dryer vent and for Brad’s two-handed help with the new screens.

    And gratitude for this story about John’s brother, Jack, following a long evening (and into the night) at ER getting flushed. The doctor asked Jack if he needed anything. He said he was hungry. She asked what he wanted – a Burger King double cheese burger was his request. After also getting Cindy’s order that doctor had Door Dash deliver to the ER for them, and she refused to let them pay! About 3:00 am as they were driving home, cresting a hill they encountered a herd of cattle in the road! After calling 911, they stayed with their emergency flashers on to prevent any unsuspecting driver from being injured (or any cows). Jack’s attitude of gratitude and quick humor resulted in him saying to Cindy, “Now we can say the hospital did not discharge us until the cows came home!:

    I might edit that opening quotation to say “Gratitude is always more powerful. I invite gratitude into my life in all ways.”

    May all beings have gobs of genuine gratitude….

  • Learning to Succeed Differently

    Jack and Cindy continue to amaze me with all they are navigating. They wanted to come from Harrison to Bristol, Indiana, where his son and daughter-in-law are seasonal campers at Eby’s Pines Campground. It was Jeff’s birthday and the end-of-season super soup supper event. Jack had been there for that in the past and has lots of friends at the campground. Saturday they made the trip. Over 200 miles. More than three hours.

    We were supposed to drive down to Jeff’s house Saturday evening to visit a while and deliver chocolate chip cookies I baked for them, but by that time Jack was really tired. We agreed to drop off the cookies on our way to New Buffalo where I was guest pastor in New Buffalo Sunday morning.

    Before we left our house, Jack called. “Stay where you are. There is no heat at Jeff’s so we are loading up and heading to you.” When they got here, rather than have Jack get out of the truck, up the steps onto our porch and into the house for such a short visit, John and I shared some memorable moments with them in our driveway. Shortly after nine they left so we could get to church. Heading back home, they planned a stop at Michael’s for Cindy to get craft supplies.

    We got this message from Cindy about 9:15 Sunday night:

    Well, we just got home probably about 20 minutes ago. Jack wanted to stop at Four Winds, so we did.

    Then we had to stop at FireKeepers. Overall, we did pretty good. We ate Chinese at FireKeepers so that was our dinner. We’re having dessert right now — your cookies.

    Sweet dreams we’ll see you when we see you. Love you.

      It was a big weekend as Saturday was also Stacey’s 60th birthday. It does not seem possible that John and I are parents to such a mature woman. She and Doug celebrated by inviting family and friends to join them for Bluegrass Barnside at Arrington Vineyards.Even with so many significant folks unable to attend they had a great group.

      Stacey told us it was like having a living Celebration of Life. We have used those same words about Jack….

      Sunday’s theme of “Living with Intention, or Living in Tension” was exquisitely expressed through Jack and Cindy and Stacey, along with a host of others we know well and love deeply. The following was copied from FaceBook and seems to speak welcome wisdom to our world:

      I Am Learning to Succeed Differently by Helyn Cornille (Copied from FB)

      There was a time when success meant finishing.
      If I started something, I finished it.
      If there were stairs to climb, I climbed them.
      If there was work to be done, I kept going until it was done.
      I don’t live in that body anymore.
      And one of the hardest things about growing older has been learning that this does not mean I have stopped succeeding.
      Today I may look at a staircase that needs cleaning and know I cannot stand there and clean the whole thing.
      But I can sit on one step.
      I can clean what I can reach.
      Tomorrow, perhaps I can do another.
      The old me might have looked at what remained unfinished.
      I am learning to look at what I did.
      That sounds like such a small distinction.
      It isn’t. Because when our bodies change, we can spend an enormous amount of energy measuring ourselves against the person we used to be.
      What I could lift. How far I could walk. How long I could work.
      How quickly I could finish.
      But perhaps success was never really about any of those things.
      Perhaps success is simply continuing to participate in your own life.
      Finding another way.
      Resting when you need to.
      Starting again when you can.
      Doing something in ten small pieces instead of one heroic effort.
      And refusing to believe that adapting is the same thing as giving up.
      I am still learning this. Some days I am better at it than others. But there is something unexpectedly freeing about no longer asking, “Can I still do what I used to do?” and beginning instead to ask, “What can I do today?”
      There is almost always an answer. And sometimes it is enough.
      I am learning to succeed differently.

    1. Love In The World

      This post is in its entirety a re-post of September 27, 2026 “Loving Reminders” which is now available on the wonderful new website launched by Betty Lue Lieber and Robert Waldon: LoveInTheWorld.org where everything there is absolutely free!

      Please follow the link so you are able to see the sweet format and receive for yourself their generous gifting of Love In The World. If you are new to Betty Lue’s Loving Reminders, while you are there you can sign up to receive them daily.

      May all be blessed!

      Sunday, September 27, 2026

      Harmony

      Give what you want to experience.

      Live at peace within and experience harmony in your life.

      PEACE BEGINS WITHIN.

      GIVE YOUR BEST.

      Affirmations:

      ♡ I give always and only my best.
      ♡ I share the peace I have within me.
      ♡ I trust that all things work together for Good.
      ♡ May my thoughts, words and deeds bring harmony to my world.

      READY FOR HARMONY?

      Yes, it is possible to live together in peace.
      Yes, you can have harmony in your home.
      Yes, partners can have no fighting.
      Yes, you can stay in Love.

      When you believe in fighting, there will be fighting.
      When you expect arguments, there will be arguments.
      When you know families don’t get along, you will be correct.
      Because what you believe, you will receive and achieve.

      What you expect, you will accept.
      What you doubt, will come about.
      What you endure, you will make sure.
      Everything we think will be, we seek to see.

      People want to be “right”, and will fight to prove themselves “right”.
      Even when people want something else, they create what they expect.
      So perhaps it is time for you to undo what you no longer want to be true!
      List what you want to experience in an ideal relationship, home and family.

      Begin with your ideal vision written down and remembered daily.
      I choose to have and give my ideal self to create my ideal relationships.
      Next, let go of every thought, feeling, behavior and memory that interferes.
      I gently and respectfully undo and release all that brings negativity into my life.

      It is your Peace of mind that brings harmony.
      Letting go of stubbornness and needing to be right that creates openness.
      Trust letting go of opinions, advice and listening that brings understanding.
      Respecting others’ thoughts, feelings, behavior and differences gives Peace.

      Give yourself to Love and Love will come to you.
      Honor the call for peace and harmony by being peaceful too!
      Trust in the Love and appreciation that guides your way.
      Remember always to forgive first and listen for how to respond with Love.

      Do what is right and true and Loving.
      Don’t wait for them to do the right thing.
      You are the One to be conscious and willing.
      You know the way. JUST DO IT!

      FREE Relationships Reminders book!
      Everything I do is for you to find peace and harmony in your life.
      Everything I have taught and written is there free for you to use.
      Relationship harmony is essential for your health, happiness and wellbeing.

      We are the same, you and I.
      We are all in this together.
      Now is our time to step up.
      Let us be willing to respond with Goodness and Love.

      Be responsible for your own life and how you live in harmony.

      With love,
      Betty Lue

    2. Divine Timing!

      Our grandson, Adam, and (his now wife) Rachel wanted to give the guests at their wedding a memorable experience at Sandestin, a 2,400-acre resort located in Miramar, Florida. I assure you the five-day unfolding was an on-going call (and answer) to prayer.

      At 4:41 pm Thursday, September 10, I received a frantic call from our daughter, Stacey, from Ed Walline Regional Beach in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida. She and Doug were there setting up for the rehearsal dinner. She said she had mascara running down her face and needed me to bring her some makeup remover. She said nothing was set up yet! I assumed all of this was because of the rain we were having at the house. During Sunday’s drive back to Tennessee from Florida I learned it never rained on them, but permitted events were not allowed to set up until 5:00 pm. This “formal” rehearsal dinner for 80 people was scheduled to begin at 5:30! People raved about the food and the venue. With weather threatening all around us, the event was gorgeous and so was Stacey and her heart-rendering mother-of-the-groom speech!


      After intense thunder and lightening in the early-morning, the rains stopped just in time for photos on the golf-course.

      Screenshot

      Adam’s wedding band was from his paternal grandfather, George Ross, who passed away five years ago. Following a very meaningful ring warming, the ceremony was rich with articulate and intimate personal vows. Adam’s and Rachel’s marriage ceremony was held as dreamed: outdoors at Eden Gardens State Park beneath the “Wedding Tree” which is estimated to be over 600 years old. Blessed beyond words to be able to officiate for them.

      The perfectly planned wedding reception was a 3-hour dinner cruise aboard Solaris Yacht, kicked off with live saxaphone, punctuated with spectacular speeches by Rachel’s dad and our own grands Christina (Matron of Honor) and Brad (Best Man). Dancing was over the top, and John and I got to take home the leftover cheesecake.

      After several days of rainy and cloudy weather which graciously gave way for our meticulous schedule, Saturday’s beach day was blessed with continuous sunshine. At sunset we were back at the marina for dinner and drinks and cheering UT to a win on the outdoor big screen!

      Sunday Stacey and Doug and John and I were just minutes behind a very serious multi-car accident south of Birmingham. We got through debris on the road as those involved were still on the scene standing stunned awaiting emergency crews. Courtney and Jackson were driving back with Courtney’s dad. We we surprised to hear they were in front of us and shocked to learn they had been mere seconds ahead of the crash. Courtney’s dad saw it in his rearview mirror!

      After four delays on their flight out of Florida, Rachel’s mom and family had a “Hail Mary” 20 minutes between landing time and departure time in Atlanta for their connection home to California. They landed there at their original ETA. So grateful, so grateful, so grateful…. As Stacey often says, “God hasn’t failed us yet.”

      The conditions invited us to be purposeful in our practice of prayer and if it was possible to choose just one scripture for this amazing start to Adam’s and Rachel’s married life it might be:

      “For I know the plans I have for you…
      plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
      plans to give you hope and a future.”
      ~ Jeremiah 29:11

    3. September 2, 2026

      Doctors are trained to see death as the ultimate failure. Their role ends when the body stops. We’re taught to fight the one thing guaranteed to happen to every single one of us.

      From my journal Wednesday, September 2, 2026
      Dear Holy Spirit,
      It is 4:10 am and I have been awake since 2:30; I am not sure what that is about but Jane called me about noon updating me that she was in the hospital with some kind of infection. Her husband is flying to Las Vegas so I will go to the hospital to be with her. (Inner writing below “D” is for Debra and “V” is for what I call inner voice.)

      D: What would you have Jane know about the fear of death?

      V: All fear is FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL.

      D: How does she let go of that emotion?

      V: When you see the sunshine the sun is no more real than in the middle of the darkest night.

      D: The words in the song “I believe in the sun even when its not shining” come to my mind.

      V: Yes, you believe in the sun even when its not shining because that is the truth. Knowing that your essence (your soul, your spirit) lives on even when you are not in body is just like believing in the sun even when its not shining. Jane was before she was in this body. Jane’s essence was not born and cannot die.

      When I was awake and could not get back to sleep I listened to two of my usual fall-asleep guided audios, made warm almond milk, and read. Finally I did the draw-and-write therapy process I learned from a colleague. It was all about death and Jane’s desire to not be afraid. I sent her the words from Jarem Sawatsky’s Dancing with the Elephants: “Be not afraid…. I am not entitled to life without death. I embrace sacred life. I embrace sacred life. I embrace the growing and crumbling in between”.

      I had gone to St. Joseph hospital in the morning to discover that Jane was in Niles! Jane’s grandson arrived before we had much chance to share. His mom was with him but could not come up (limit 2 visitors in ICU) so I offered to leave. Driving home I heard the inner voice telling me I did not need to worry about not having shared the therapy drawing and words with Jane, I needed it for myself.

      Therapy writing words:
      Be not afraid.
      People do leave their bodies, but they do not leave their loved ones.
      I believe in the sun even when its not shining.
      Death is only a doorway.
      Love is Eternal.
      Unborn, undying, unafraid.
      J-just
      A-another
      N-new
      E-experience

      When I stopped to see my sister on the way to visit Jane, I told Janis I had been awake and did the therapy writing. I also shared an attribution line “developed and produced by Debra Basham and Joel P. Bowman” did not get posted because of a 600 character limit when my guided imagery audios got posted on Spotify.

      Visualize a tree moving through the seasons — turning red and gold in autumn, shedding its leaves in winter, growing new buds in spring, and showing its glorious greenery in summer. Change is opportunity…. This is the Nature Meditation cards we drew from the deck she had just gotten for me.

      Shortly after I got home I received news that Joel had passed some time after midnight. I shuffle, shuffle, shuffle and draw that same card again!

      I write on the flip side of my therapy drawing.

      J-just
      O-one
      E-energy
      L-LOVE

      R.I.P.

      12-4-1942 to 9-2-2026

      FYI – I did R.I.P. with periods because it stands for a Latin phrase (requiescat in pace). Joel was a university professor and he would appreciate that.

      So many lives made better because of our having shared this life!

    4. Everlasting Peace

      The sharing time following meditation yesterday including emotional pain in the aftermath of the utter devastation from the flooding in Napal. Comments then became sincere urging to contact elected officials demanding responsible attention to the environmental crisis. Listening with attentive care, bearing witness to the deep emotions, I felt my own core being pulled to express. Admitting the difficulty in speaking skillfully so as to not wrong-make the measures being urged, I articulated what is reality for me: Without denial of the dangerous impact of humans in our modern day, I spoke of global climate changes historically. Before world-wide political corruption and before Round-up (neither of which I experience as wholesome). I spoke candidly of my intention to take action from as clear a space as possible, intending not to add fuel to the fires of anger and the floods of fear.

      “What the World Needs Now Is Love” was originally recorded and made popular by Jackie DeShannon in 1965. Sixty-one years later, this has possibly never been more true.

      One women told of having taken a taxi from the airport in Mexico when her usual choice of Uber was not available. She had a nice conversation with the young man driving the cab, but she realized he was not taking her directly to her destination, and the charge upon arrival was about 4 times what an Uber would have been!

      Friends she was visiting enlightened her: the cabs were mafia-run. She had been scammed! Since she had the driver’s name and number (she could not pay with her credit card because there was no internet so she had to transfer money from her account), she pulled together her case and made the call demanding her overcharge be returned. A four-hour call which began with hostility and threats ended with him emotionally confessing to his terror at being hostage in this mafia-mess. He agreed he would give back his part of the overcharge. She told him he had to quit this dishonesty, urged him to get an honest job, and spoke of the importance of going back to school.Three days later, he called to say he had! They are staying in touch….

      Another woman told of recently having sung “Rain Down” with her choir following the loss of 400 homes in her community due to wildfires in western Canada. Hours after, they had rain! She had previously shared with me the choir having sung “I Believe” by Mark Miller. The words resonate profoundly.

      I believe in the sun
      Even when, even when it’s not shining

      I believe in love
      Even when, even when I don’t feel it

      I believe in God
      Even when, even when God is silent

      As I prepared for bed, I read from the Daily Word:

      There were times when I wanted something so desperately that when it didn’t happen, I sank into bitter disappointment. I told myself stories that left me stuck and resentful: It wasn’t fair. It was a mistake. I missed my last chance.

      I have come to look at those episodes in a different way. Now, when faced with an unwanted outcome, I resist self-pity and let go and let God. I release my rigid expectations and use my imagination to envision all kinds of possibilities. Freed of the need to control, I trust Divine order and Divine timing.

      Letting go and letting God is my way of living my faith, welcoming grace, and believing the best and highest outcomes are unfolding. I let go, let God, and know peace.

      Yesterday, a dream came true for me. Grandson, Brad, got ALL of my guided imagery audios online in digital format where they are available for free! Right now they are only on Spotify, but we intend to also have them on YouTube and Apple Music. I told him he made my decade!

      “Everlasting Peace” now on Spotify is for anyone desiring more peace of mind. The meaning of life is to be found in its stages. If you or someone you know is currently experiencing a challenging time “Everlasting Peace” is designed by Debra Basham to allow for a more peaceful time of things in any circumstances. The use of guided imagery and creative visualization is appropriate at all times and is especially significant to reduce pain and anxiety in times of transition.

      The calming background music, Pachelbel: Three Meditative Variations with Ocean, Liv & Let Liv, is used by permission.

    5. Tooth Fairy and Reiki

      A prism is a clear glass or plastic block with flat, angled sides. When white light shines through it, the prism bends the light and splits it into a rainbow of colors. This happens because different colors travel at different speeds and bend by different amounts.

      This is how life feels in its unfolding right now….

      On August 12, 2026, a powerful Total Solar Eclipse in Leo served as the central astrological event, initiating a transformative eclipse corridor. This major celestial shift triggers profound personal adjustments, structural changes, and fated new beginnings. August 12 is a significant anniversary event in my life. On August 12, 1962, I was a passenger in the vehicle with my dad when a car missed a stop sign and stopped in the middle of a through street where we were traveling over 50 miles per hour. Our car hit hers broadside. I had what I have come to call a near-death experience. For sure, it was an out-of-body experience.

      While a specific event is over in an instant, just as different colors travel at different speeds and bend by different amounts creating a prism when white light shines through a clear glass or plastic block with flat, angled sides, events have lasting effects. Thus, 64 years later, I am still integrating the facets that impact has on what I experience as facts. I often do a lot of air-braking when a passenger in a car, and I may never fully recognize how that event has shaped my world view.

      Recently, I was saddened to read a Facebook post by a person who had just days before excitedly reached out to me about reopening her Reiki practice. Her post was an apology asking for understanding,”I am truly sorry but after talking to loved ones who know me as a child of God, I will not be following through the Reiki sessions.”

      Reading this did inspire some sharing when I was guest pastor serving a small, remnant congregation at St. John UCC in New Buffalo. “If a person who believes in the Tooth Fairy and prays to the Tooth Fairy, does a healing session asking the Tooth Fairy to heal another person, and that person has a healing, do any of you believe the Tooth Fairy did the healing?” I asked. I was greeted with blank stares and negative head-shakes. I am hard pressed to think I could find anyone who would actually think the Tooth Fairy did the healing.

      Something is real. But what is perceived as real is what is believed to be real. And there can be a huge gap between.

      Over a series of Sunday’s we have been exploring the way perceptions and beliefs shape our experience. If I see a stick but I believe I am seeing a snake, my body will react exactly as it would if it was an actual snake.

      It is easy to understand how things like social media and AI generates beliefs by intentionally manipulating perception. It is not quite as easy to understand how being human does the same thing.

      There was a time in human evolution that the world was seen and believed to be flat. You have to wonder how many other antiquated beliefs you or I are being driven by.

      Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials website has an article “What Is Reiki? And Does It Actually Work?” by Melissa Evans Persensky:

        “There are only so many things you can study in randomized, controlled studies in order to understand the totality of what is likely to happen,” Dr. Saper explains. “I think it’s critical that we as healthcare professionals listen to our patients and validate their experiences, even if their experiences may run counter to one’s own experience and training.”

        In other words, science may not prove that Reiki harnesses a universal life force energy. We may not have statistical proof that Reiki will improve your chronic pain, reduce your anxiety or help you get the sleep you need. But if you try it and you feel better, sleep better and live a better life … that’s still worth paying attention to. Regardless of what science says (or doesn’t say).

      While Stacey was here visiting, she went to church with us. The theme was Doubting Thomas and we explored the difference in meeting doubt by leaning into curiosity or by leaning into skepticism. The scripture was based on Jesus saying, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” ~ John 20:29

      As we were navigating the territory of our differing beliefs, I said I was not trying to change another’s beliefs. I did confess to be encouraging all humans to notice even closely-held beliefs might be distorted. Healing does happen, but not likely by the tooth fairy….

    6. Banner

      This morning I was dreaming upon waking: I am in my final childhood home. The basement is flooded. At the bottom of the stairs, it is over ankle deep. I go down and start moving stuff to get the door open so we can get the water out. A man and woman are outside waiting for me to give the word. (Mom and dad?) It is quite dark down here and the water is cold, but I stay focused and am making good progress before I wake up .

      After I am up and have written down my dream I look up the dream symbolism: Wet basement in dream meaning: Unprocessed emotions, hidden stress or deep unconscious overwhelm. In dream symbolism, a house represents your inner self, the basement reflects your foundational unconscious or past, and water stands for your feelings. Emotional overload/ feelings or responsibilities you have bottled up that are now seeping into your awareness.

      This reminds me of yesterday’s sharing with our eldest grand, Brad, about giving ourselves a pass….

      I went to visit a dear, dear, friend today. We spoke candidly about the difficulty that can come when there is need to be a receiver of care. We so prefer to be the one giving.

      I shared part of Barbara Brodsky’s blog post from a few days ago.

      Three nights ago, at bedtime, my beloved almost 11 year old collie, Banner, (my hearing – dog) suddenly could not stand up. We have a routine of many years; I shut off the tv or close my book, say ”bed time” and we both get up quickly and head to the bedroom. He tried to stand; his 4 paws were sliding to the sides on the hardwood floor, with no traction, and he couldn’t get them under him. He was terrified.

      I woke up Hal’s caregiver who lives downstairs and he brought up the old living room rug that we’d stored in the basement for wheelchair/ walker safety, put it down and lifted him on top of it and Banner rested there for 15 minutes while I just patted him and spoke to him. Then I got up and he did too. Just stood up!

      Our human minds return to “I can’t” and fear. His mind and body just responded by standing to follow me to the bedroom. The next day, he was happily playing with our granddaughter, with no sign of weakness. Fear and its stories really do block us humans from a deeper reality.

      Today I could feel in both my friend and myself the letting down of old habits of wanting to not need help. Then this afternoon, I opened email from my mentor/friend Betty Lue Lieber, in which she had included the message for today from the Daily Word:

      Pray for Others

      Praying for others is a sacred gift I love to give.

      Friday July 24, 2026

      When a friend or loved one is going through a challenge, I try to help however I can. When I’ve offered all I can and it seems there is nothing else I can do, I pray.

      Prayer is the greatest gift I have to give. Regardless of whether someone knows I am praying, my prayers enfold them in love and care. As I pray, I feel my connection in Spirit to that person. I touch the presence of infinite light, life, love, and peace within them. I have faith these qualities are opening the avenue to unlimited good.

      My prayer extends from my circle of loved ones to enfold my larger community and the world. I pray each person knows they deserve a joyous, prosperous, fulfilling life.

      I have prayed for you that your own faith may not fail.—Luke 22:32

      This brings to mind the Biblical story of a man who had been paralysed for 38 years. Jesus simply told him to pick up his mat and walk. May we, may all beings, receive support and love and encouragement so completely we, too, can be freed from suffering.

      (Also from Betty Lue’s message:)
      “Prayer For A Loved One”

      Dear Heart,
      I will not worry, fret or be unhappy over you.
      I will not be anxious concerning you.
      I will not be afraid for you.
      I will not give up on you.
      I will not blame, criticize or condemn you.
      I will remember first, last and always that you are God’s child, that you have His Spirit in you.
      I will trust this Spirit to take care of you, to be a light to your path, to provide for your needs.
      I will think of you as always being surrounded by God’s loving Presence, enfolded in His protecting care, as kept safe and secure in Him.
      I will be patient with you.
      I will have confidence in you.
      I will stand by you in faith, and bless you in my prayers, knowing that you are growing, knowing that you are finding the help you need, the love you need, the healing you need, the financial freedom you need.
      I have only good feelings in my heart about you.
      I am willing to let you live your life as you see fit.
      Your way may not be my way, but I will trust the Spirit of God in you to show you the way of your highest Good.
      God loves you and I love you!
      I have confidence in you and I believe in you!!
      (author unknown)

    7. Allow the Loss to Lead the Way

      I bumped into Brian D. Smith’s Grief 2 Growth program years ago and saw his What Is a Grief Doula? What Dina Bell-Laroche Taught Me About Grieving Well today. Dina Bell-Laroche is a Certified Thanatologist, grief doula, keynote speaker, and author of Grief Unleashed.

      In 2001, her younger sister, Tracy, passed away from a rare cancer at just 29 years old. Tracy was pregnant with her first child when she was diagnosed. She lived to hold her baby, and passed thirteen months later, just after he turned one.

      Brian shared that when he asked Dina to tell him about Tracy right at the top of their conversation, she paused with gratitude and said, “That’s often something that really opens up the grief heart, is when we invite them to speak their person’s name. So often we’ll talk about our daughter that died or our parent or our sister, but we don’t actually use their name because it hurts so much. And yet when we do, it makes it real and profound, and we can be witnessed in that experience.”

      Brian responded, “I understand that in my bones. I say Shayna’s name every chance I get. Naming keeps them present.”

      Brian says Dina talked about two kinds of time: clock time we all recognize and kairos time. Dina explains, “Our bodies understand a different language than our head does. We understand chronological time, chronos time. And yet we also have kairos time. This is this liminal space that you and I dance in.

      “In kairos time, grief collapses distance. A smell, a song, a stranger who walks like your person, and suddenly you’re back in the moment they took their last breath.”

      Dina told Brian these are called STUGS, sudden temporary upsurges in grief. The term was coined by thanatologist Therese Rando, and Dina said reading it brought her enormous relief. She thought she was going crazy.

      Then she offered something beautiful: “STUGS can also stand for sudden temporary upsurges in grace“.

      I had my own STUGS as I realized just how much grief I am processing currently. Oh, some of it is the deaths of dear ones in the recent past. I name my friend (Linda Higbee), my sister (Johnnie Sue), our long-time music friend (Michael), our dear Florida friend in Canada (Eli). Some aspects of the experience are anticipatory loss, often referred to as pre-grieving. This type of grief includes people I have concern for, but is not limited only to this. It also includes the losses of our own aging. Pieces of this grief, I am quite sure, are universal, and perhaps at the moment not personal.

      At the time I sat on the porch tearfully expressing what I was feeling today to John after writing just the two opening paragraphs, I had not yet received news about the passing of a friend of Stacey’s in Tennessee that John and I have had the pleasure of getting to know, and a friend of John’s brother Greg, that they have been having a fabulous time shooting pool with on Monday nights.

      A couple of powerful truths:

      Doctors are trained to see death as the ultimate failure. Their role ends when the body stops. We’re taught to fight the one thing guaranteed to happen to every single one of us.

      Pushing grief out of view only sends it underground.

      In the Grief Journey Group we started here in Saint Joseph in 2000 we said you do not get over grief, you get through it. We had only two rules in our group: Do not judge your grief journey, and do not judge another’s. We looked a lot at the way different cultures deal with grief. And we acknowledged experiences we have that remind us people do leave their bodies but they do not leave their loved ones.

      The uncomfortable feelings are feedback that I have more energy to process than my central nervous system can handle all at once. That is why it is called a grief journey…. These feelings are a result of our love.

      In Grief 2 Growth Brian speaks of love that continues and the ways pain can become purpose. Appreciating this beautiful body of work. Thank you, Brian and Dina.

      As she says, “Let us allow the loss to lead the way.”

    8. Best I Can Do

      Once again, I appreciate not knowing things until after the fact. This time it was watching the 2025 film “Best I Can Do” which stars Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick as a couple in a romantic, character-driven dramedy about aging.

      I did not know they are a real life couple. They first met when she was just 12 years old and he was 19; she saw him in an off-Broadway play and briefly spoke to him at a deli, an encounter he initially didn’t remember. They officially connected on the set of “Lemon Sky” in 1987. Following a whirlwind romance, Bacon proposed on Christmas Eve of 1987, and they tied the knot less than a year later. They are one of Hollywood’s most enduring couples.

      This film follows a security guard (Bacon) who develops an unlikely connection with a urologist (Sedgwick) and explores themes of life’s challenges and finding new hope. Seems relevant to many of us right now.

      I thought the closing scene was brilliant. Admittedly, we were watching it during the visitation in Canada of a dear Florida friend who passed on Monday. Monday, June 28 was also the birthday of my (late) mother-in-law, the birthday of my eldest nephew, and the birth of our god daughter’s first grand baby.

      Here is a photo of our friend (on the left) with our daughter when we were together in February, 2025, enjoying a boat ride and having lunch on Captiva.

      Early morning texting with her husband included a message that is spoken quite often during this time in our lives. “You are right about how loved she is/was/will continue to be. You won’t stop loving her. We won’t. And she won’t stop loving us. We will miss her physical being with us like crazy…. Don’t say goodbye, say aloha. You don’t have to wait until you are out of your body to be together again. You can learn to be together with her not in a physical body, while you are still in one.”

      I will not give anything away about that closing scene because you might want to experience the film for yourself. It was powerful before I learned that the couple is a real-life couple, but the emotions I felt seemed even more significant after I discovered that.

      Best I can do is to say this has been quite a week….