Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Two Wolves

  • Say Only – A Pressure Washer

    Well, the Best Buy / Comcast / Samsung saga has continued. Friday, August 22, 2025, at 8:30 am a Samsung repair person confirmed his arrival between 10 and 12 by text message. I turned the TV on. At 11:49 it began flickering…. at 12:05 I received a text message saying he would arrive in 25 minutes. Of course, it did not flicker even once while he was here. He did a factory reset and told me to keep an eye on it. If it did it again he would come back and replace the board.

    An hour later, it was flickering again….

    Last evening we were with friends. As I gave that update, the husband said I was too nice. I needed to tell them what to do in no uncertain terms. I shared how profoundly served I have been by the people who are the workers in the systems that are undeniably broken. The systems have failed, but working in those systems are good people doing their best to do good. Case in point was our trip on Saturday to Best Buy so we could spend the dollars generated by the purchases we have made. We were able to get a pro pressure washer that retails for $319 plus a $39 surge protector for only $25.

    The gentleman who helped us is the general manager of the Benton Harbor Best Buy. The woman who was so kind to me in July when the TV first began flickering was there as well. I thanked them both and updated them on our process with Comcast and Samsung. This all brings to mind a famous parable, often attributed to Cherokee or other Indigenous American peoples, about a battle between two wolves within every person.

    An elder tells his grandson about a great battle happening inside every person, describing it as a fight between two wolves. The first wolf is evil, representing out of control unpleasant emotions like anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, and ego. The second wolf is good, representing pleasant emotions like joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, and faith.

    The grandson, worried about the ongoing conflict, asks, “Which wolf will win?”

    Grandfather replies, “The one you feed.”

    The parable’s core message is that you control which part of your nature grows stronger by choosing where you put your energy and attention. By focusing on positive, productive, and beneficial thoughts and actions, you “feed” the good wolf and help it thrive. Conversely, dwelling on negativity and harmful actions strengthens the evil wolf.

    Some versions of the story offer a more nuanced approach, suggesting that both wolves are necessary. In this interpretation, if you only feed the good wolf, the evil one will hide and wait for you to be weak or distracted. By acknowledging and managing both, you can use the traits like tenacity and strategic thinking guided by wisdom and compassion. This approach teaches that peace comes from finding a balance between your opposing inner forces, not by trying to destroy one.

    This morning as we were enjoying a bike ride a friend was speaking about personal belonging that have been given to her from the estate of loved ones. She was wondering about the morality of keeping or dispersing these items. We spent some time pondering the preference of the item. Might it prefer to be where it was appreciated, useful, and valued rather than simply possessed out of a desire to not hurt someone’s feelings. We were able to see the value beyond a simple right or wrong action.

    Another friend is reading a book about Shadow Work that had belonged to her late husband. Ah, yes, best to be aware that light casts shadow. Now this reminds me of the “say only” story. The man whose son was injured by a horse and the father’s measured responses to a series of events involving his horse and son. As others would jump to saying it was a blessing or a curse, he would carefully maintain a “say only” attitude.

    Say only the Samsung “Service Quick” repair is scheduled now for tomorrow, Monday, August 25, 2025. It has been one month since the first flickering occurred.

    Best fact about wolves:
    Contrary to popular belief, alpha males do not take the first bite of their catch. Instead, the pack usually lets the hungriest one eat first. Humans can learn how to foster teamwork, confidence, and trust in our instincts in the workplace.

  • Sunset

    The work of wisdom is to differentiate between what is skillful, and what is unskillful. ~ The Daily Tejaniya

    My days continue to include bike rides and sharing with Fred. It has been two months and two days since Linda died.

    We ride and talk. Most days we have a water break sitting somewhere or another.

    We talk about Linda, about the loss we feel, about our lives that loom much smaller than they did decades ago.

    Following this morning’s ride — taken in cloudy, breezy, chilly conditions — I read again from Ram Dass Here and Now #176 – Loving and Dying:

      So, a lot of the work that you are doing in a lifetime is the preparation for the moment of death, and keeping death present enriches the moment of life. That the optimum way to be healed is the optimum way to die, which is your full consciousness. But your full consciousness listens, does what it can to preserve the precious human body, but also allows what is to be, and a lot of people lose it because they are so attached to which way it all goes all the time.

      Like, I work with people that are having a slow illness, terminal illness, and they are losing their motor abilities and their control (sphincter controls and things) and each stage they lose, I watch some people who are able to open to the new stage and say, “Ah, so….” and those people don’t suffer. And then I watch somebody who looks at the shoes in the closet that they’ll never wear again and sits around feeling sorry because they can’t wear the shoes anymore. They’re holding onto the model of who they were a moment ago. A moment ago, they were somebody wearing those shoes, and now they are not wearing those shoes.

      The minute you let go into what is, “Ah….”

      The minute you hold onto the model of what might be, or what ought to be, or what should be, or what was: suffering. It’s that disparity that creates the suffering. So that any time there is suffering, it’s a clue to where your mind is holding, and that is why you keep using suffering.

    We also talked about the story of the Two Wolves. From Wikipedia: It is a legend of unknown origin, commonly attributed to Cherokee or other indigenous American peoples in popular retelling. The legend is usually framed as a grandfather or elder passing wisdom to a young listener; the elder describes a battle between two wolves within one’s self, using the battle as a metaphor for inner conflict. When the listener asks which wolf wins, the grandfather answers, “Whichever one you feed”.

    Fred spoke of the loss of Linda like a backpack that is weighing him down making it difficult for him to move forward. I suggested he might choose to set the backpack down.

    Another quote from the Loving and Dying podcast by Ram Dass:

    Maharishi, the saint, was dying of cancer and those around him were saying, “Don’t leave us. Don’t leave us.”

    He looked confused and said, “Don’t be silly. Where could I go? I am just dropping the body. I am not going anywhere.”

    And, so you realize that the grieving is part of the dramatic story line of your separateness, because you can’t grieve for something that didn’t go anywhere.

    Perhaps the skillful action is for us to not try to get rid of the emotions and not try to carry the weight of the loss.

    Last evening John and I were downtown St. Joe at sunset. The clouds were ablaze. Today on Facebook I saw a video of the same sky taken by our niece with her comment: “The sky last night was one of the most incredible ones I’ve ever seen. Some things just stir up the desire to worship the one who makes all of the beautiful things.”

    I added: “And makes all things beautiful.”

    Here are just two of the unedited photos of an extraordinary sunset.

    Evidence.

    Let those who have eyes see. Seeing beauty in what is IS skillful.