Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: synchronicity

  • Holland Window

    She was visiting her daughter and family out of state when they delivered a love-meal to a family welcoming a new baby into their home. “I want you to come in so you can see the Holland window,” her daughter insisted, “because you will love it and the story about it’s significance.” The following “Story Time about the new house” was published on her Facebook page by the grandmother of this new baby. Both the story and the photo are being shared as a Sacred Story with her permission:

    There is a short essay that circulates in the community of families whose children are diagnosed with a special healthcare need or disability called “Welcome to Holland.” I will post it below so you can read it. I was sent this essay when I shared publicly for the first time about our daughter Charlotte’s diagnosis at age 5 months, and I have passed it along to other mothers over the past 16 years. Of course no two people experience life altering news the same, so the essay may not be so healing to everyone, but it has been a tremendous piece of comfort and encouragement to me and to many who read it.

    We had looked at this house online SO many times over the past year, and had dismissed it as out of our price range. It sat on the market and the price kept coming down and on a whim one Sunday we drove by and stopped in at an open house…”just to see it in person.” I was stunned by the beauty of the space and loved hearing the story of the man who had custom built the home. He was an antiques dealer and historian, and traveled the world to curate pieces for his shop but also to put in his home. This stained glass window was breathtaking – I’ve never seen anything like it. I just stood and imagined how it could feel to enjoy it every day and also share it with others.

    The realtor showing us the house shared a document about all the details of the fixtures in the house. When I looked down and read that this stained glass window had been brought back for the house from a trip to HOLLAND, deep inside I knew this was supposed to be our house. Of all the countries in the world…in all the houses in Rutherford County… what are the chances? WELCOME. TO. HOLLAND!

    We thank God for this new home that we love already, though we are still covered in boxes to unpack and have a bathroom renovation to tackle soon. I can’t wait for this to be a place where friends and family gather, where we pray for each other and study God’s word, where we multiply joys and divide sorrows. Glory to God for the gift of this home.


    Welcome to Holland
    ©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.

    I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

    When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

    After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

    “Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

    But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

    The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

    So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

    It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

    But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

    And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

    But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

  • Wrapping Up Winter 2026

    We were blessed to enjoy a visit with our granddaughter, Courtney. She is mom of our great grandson, Jackson, and it is tax season at work for Jackson’s G-ma, Stacey. It took a lot to get Courtney here, and we loved being able to spoil her while she was here.

    Our central theme was karaoke! She sang at the American Legion out on Pine Island, then here at Lazy Days in North Fort Myers, and finished her run with her favorite Karaoke DJ, Bobby Mann, at the VFW back out on Pine Island.

    She played shuffleboard with her Gampie and puzzled with me. Whether here at the house or out-on-the-town we fed her a few of her favorite things. We enjoyed watching 25 Words or Less, finished the current season of Virgin River on Netflix, and were all thankful she had time to read and nap. She and I often found ourselves in deep conversations about the most mundane subjects.

    Her flight home was delayed and delayed, stranding her at the airport from 4 to 9 pm, until she finally got home safely sometime after midnight!

    It had been exactly 7 years since she was here for a winter visit with us, and so much has changed. Her previous visit was pre-Covid for our world, pre-Quadruple Bypass Surgery for Gampie, and pre-Jackson for all of us. But life is about change. In fact, it is said that change is the only constant.

    It has certainly been an unusual season for John and me: (1) Not co-housing with or being within easy walking distance to Linda and Larry (2) Colder than ever for longer than ever temps (3) Learning curve with a new residence and area (4) Meeting and loving new people where we are.

    Gene, one of our new neighbors and friends, underwent open heart surgery while we were here. Jim and Mary, homeowners of our beloved Blue House we shared in Punta Gorda have listed their home with the hope of moving to the northeast coast of Florida. We did not get to see several of our Pine Island friends. Davey and Eli are in Canada navigating her health situation. We are grateful for and already missing our new homeowners, Jimmy and Renee. We have loved our time spent with Florida music friends! And the relationship with Travis and Brenda has been such a shared journey.

    We are grateful for all the friends we were able to spend time with! Now, packing has begun in earnest, with some loading already happening. We are leaving things here with the intention of being back in this space next season. With every passing day, this beloved home is feeling and looking less and less like our home and we are now earnest about eating our way out of the freezer and back to other people and spaces we love.

    This morning’s “Daily Reflection Quote” from Deep Spring speaks to the truth of the heart with life’s constant comings and goings and shines a light onto what is truth beyond thought and belief. Yes, there is truth that exists even beyond our own perceived experience!

    “You’re on a boat,” he said. “The boat is riding too low on the water and there are waves. You’ve got to toss one person out. In the boat are a loved one, a person about whom you feel neutral, a person who is a difficult person, and yourself. You’re the one to decide: which one are you going to cast into the water?”

    She thought about it a while and said, “There are no grounds for decision.” He just smiled and bowed and indicated that the interview was over.

    “Did I get it right?” she wondered.

    But of course, when you get to that place where you understand your interrelationship with all beings, there are no grounds for decision. You cannot cast yourself into the shark-infested sea to save others, nor can you throw others in to save yourself.

    ~Aaron

    John’s brother, Jack, is back in the hospital again with Cindy’s heroic plans in place to get him safely home to Michigan from Florida early next week. Asking for prayers for them and for everyone and everything in the way your heart earnestly prays.

    “May all be at peace” is a universal, compassionate wish often associated with the Buddhist Metta Sutta (Loving-Kindness prayer), aiming for all beings to be free from suffering, happy, and safe. It is a mindfulness practice used to cultivate, promote inner peace, and foster well-being across the world, including, and without, exception.

    May all be at peace. Here, we are wrapping up winter….

  • In the End

    John had just left for his bike ride this morning and I was heading to the keyboard with the intention of writing a blog post about the song “In the End” by Dale Ann Bradley that we heard a Florida music friend sing at church a couple of weeks ago.

      In the End
      by Dale Ann Bradley

      It won’t matter about your political views
      It won’t matter where you sat on the pew
      Won’t make a difference how much you knew
      When it comes down to the end
      And it won’t matter what kind of car you drove
      And it won’t matter where you lived on the road
      Did you do your best? Did you love your most?
      That’s what matters in the end

      Cuz in the end, there’s no rewind
      There’s no turning back the time
      When you leave this world behind
      Will they say you were their friend?
      That’s what matters in the end

      It won’t matter how many candles lit your cake
      And it won’t matter how many times you slept in late
      But if your love didn’t overcome your hate
      Well, that’s what matters in the end

      Cuz in the end, there’s no rewind
      There’s no turning back the time
      When you leave this world behind
      Will they say you were their friend?
      That’s what matters in the end

      Cuz in the end, there’s no rewind
      There’s no turning back the time
      When you leave this world behind
      Will they say you were their friend?
      That’s what matters in the end

    John opened the kitchen door asking me, “Can you come out and see if you can make any sense of something out here?” I had no clue what I would find, but his lumbar belt had come unfastened and fell off and was tangled in between the brake pad and the wheel rim!

    It took some doing but I was finally able to get it free.

    When that happened, John made a grumbling sort of sound. His reaction sound was obviously not relief or appreciation — it sounded like disgust or annoyance or frustration. Perhaps there was also some shame or guilt as well. I am not sure about that.

    Earlier this morning as I had been looking on his phone for a photo of another song so I could send it to a couple we have met at jams this season when I saw political photos. You know the energy those sorts of things hold.

    I was surprised and I felt sad.

    I told him about having seen all of the political photos while I had been looking for the photo of the song, and the feelings I experienced. Then I shared how important it is right now to not give attention to anything negative. It was my intention to clarify that one can be caught by a sentiment and send something in that moment, and how different that is from choosing to save a photo.

    “I would only save something I wanted to make permanent,” I offered before adding, “I am wondering if it might not be wise for you to ride right now?”

    “I had that same thought. I am going to put new strings on my guitar,” he mused heading into the house. Coming out of the bedroom with a big towel, ready to begin, Alexa spontaneously played another song sung by a different music friend, “Me and John and Paul.” This music friend died soon after John and I left Michigan last fall. Soon after Michael passed I told John I would like him to add this song to his repertoire as a tribute song. Tears filled my eyes.

    Michael was angry and frustrated and disgruntled by sooooo much of life. People were “stupid” or “idiots.” Things were “not fair.” It was as though our beloved friend was at that very moment reaching across the veil confirming the importance of living an affirmative life in which your love overcomes your hate.

    I am now at the end of this post. John is now playing his newly-strung guitar.

    As the song says, that’s what matters in the end….

  • Loving-kindness and Compassion

    ​A friend forwarded a message this morning from Pax Christi USA, a movement founded in Europe at the end of World War II by Catholics who had suffered the terror and trauma of war. Quoting from the email content:

    Pax Christi has opposed war and all preparations for war. We do not endorse warmaking as a solution for any political or social dispute, but we demand that Congress exercise its responsibility and pass a War Powers Act immediately in order to block this immoral and unconstitutional action.

    I noticed the placement of the word “but” right away. In NLP and conscious communication the word “but” acts as a deletion or negation mechanism, often invalidating, erasing, or devaluing the clause that precedes it. It shifts the focus entirely to the information that follows the word “but,” making that information the final, most important impression. It seems highly unlikely that those sending out this message understood consciously that the word “but” is considered a “killer” word because it often negates previous positive statements.

    This paragraph was also included in the email message:

    We pray for an end to the violence, a cessation of the bombing, and for an embrace of nonviolent solutions that affirm the autonomy and human rights of the people of Iran and the Middle East.

    I might suggest an edit so that last line simply says, “affirm the autonomy and human rights of all people.”

    I am navigating a pain flare in my right hip. While this is not new, it has been many years since I have experienced this level of discomfort. Likely the current uncomfortable sensations in my body are not unconnected to the conditions in our world.

    I looked up the quotation “Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed” while the message from Pax Christi USA remained open on my screen. “That hatred never ceases hatred is an ancient, fundamental truth, most famously attributed to the Buddha in the Dhammapada (Verse 5). It teaches that returning hate for hate only perpetuates a cycle of violence and suffering, whereas loving-kindness and compassion are the only means to resolve hatred.”

    Loving-kindness and compassion…. Only and always, loving-kindness and compassion….

  • Pat

    I was awakened early this morning by the post of a friend on FaceBook and I chose to notice I was well enough rested to get up before daybreak so my fingers would have time to linger over the keyboard before the day officially begins.

    Yesterday’s Ring of Fire Solar Eclipse ignited, arriving precisely as we enter the Year of the Fire Horse. As one source wrote, this is not subtle energy, this is destiny ignition.

    Meg Benedicte, of NewEarthCentral.com, wrote:

      The question is not whether the energy will move — it already is. The question is whether you will move with it consciously.

      Will you allow the Horse to bolt wildly, scattering your energy in every direction? Or will you step into the saddle and guide that power toward your Soul’s purpose?

      This Eclipse marks a profound turning point, both personally and collectively. Power dynamics may shift. Leadership structures may wobble. What appears chaotic may actually be destiny reorganizing itself. What feels destabilizing may be the necessary release of what cannot travel forward into the next chapter.

    And today is Pat’s Celebration of Life service. My beloved friend and colleague, Pat, was a Nurse Practitioner Extraordinaire. She was a hand-holder and a way-shower. As her body failed to support the life she loved to live and the service she lived to give, her legacy began to exude in subtle ways.

    This Yellow Brick Road post and the following Nightingale Tribute Reading is dedicated to Pat.

    The Nightingale Tribute Reading

    Nursing is a calling, a lifestyle, a way of living. Nurses here today honor _______________ and his/her life as a nurse. _______________ is not remembered by his/her _____ years as a nurse, but by the difference he/she made during those years by stepping into people’s lives . . . . by special moments:

    She Was There

    When a calming, quiet presence was all that was needed, She was there.

    In the excitement and miracle of birth or in the mystery and loss of life, She was there.

    When a silent glance could uplift a patient, family member or friend, She was there.

    At those times when the unexplainable needed to be explained, She was there.

    When the situation demanded a swift foot and sharp mind, She was there.

    When a gentle touch, a firm push, or an encouraging word was needed, She was there.

    In choosing the best one from a family’s “Thank You” box of chocolates, She was there.

    To witness humanities beauty, in good times and bad, without judgment, She was there.

    To embrace the woes of the world, willingly, and offer hope, She was there.

    And now, that it is time to be at the Greater One’s side, She is there.

    I also found a beautiful reading about when a nurse dies and shared it with Pat’s daughter and Pat’s husband encouraging them to realize that her loving presence will likely become stronger and more palpable in the coming days as her essence is no longer burdened by Alzheimer’s disease:

    When a nurse dies

    it is not the end of her shift

    it is the rising of her legacy.

    In every pulse she steadied,

    in every tear she caught,

    in every “you’re not alone” she offered,

    her spirit lives on.

    So let us not mourn her in sorrow,

    but in sacred awe.

    Let us tell the world:

    A light has gone out,

    but its warmth remains.

    Let us never mourn her in sorrow. Let us always mourn her in sacred awe. Let us in every moment feel in our hearts how truly each souls’ warmth remains….

  • OCD and VPN and NOW

    Today was yet another conversation that demonstrated what has sometimes been called my OCD. The sharing was with an online group — all of us well beyond our youth! Candid talk about having documents in place, plans well articulated, and persons in place as we face what are called The Five Remembrances in Buddhism morphed into acknowledgment of our universal vulnerability.

    The Five Remembrances

    I am of the nature to grow old; I cannot escape aging.

    I am of the nature to have ill health; I cannot escape sickness.

    I am of the nature to die; I cannot escape death.

    All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change; I cannot escape being separated from them.

    My actions are my only true belongings; I cannot escape the consequences of my actions; My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

    As two of us lingered online I confessed that I cannot put something into a closet without awareness that I may be leaving something for someone else to take care of. The upgrade for OCD (obsessive compulsive behavior) that has come to my heart is OCD:Only compassionate doing.

    Several of us had experiences with others who did or did not take good care of those who would end up taking care of what we did not.

    This is a short post with a long list of ways we can be more loving to those who are responsible for loving us.

    One piece of new information for me is the need for a VPN. I had to look it up to even know what that means.

      What is a VPN?

      A beginner’s guide: A VPN, or virtual private network, is a service that routes your internet traffic through a remote server. It encrypts your internet traffic and masks your IP (Internet Protocol) address.

      This process secures your connection to the internet and protects your privacy while browsing online. It also hides your online activities from third parties trying to collect your data or intercept your connection.

    Well, now I know something I did not know and VPN will be an area my OCD will look into and put into place.

    This morning I also received a text message from a neighbor here in Lazy Days who just had open heart surgery on Friday. I was able to send him this photo of John playing his guitar at day 11 post surgery in 2022.


    And now he is riding bicycle with me 10 miles a day!

    OCD, VPN, and NOW…

  • Heaveniversary

    She decided to have a memorial image of a screenshot she had taken of the last text message her mom sent to her done on canvas. The order was scheduled to arrive February 2 or 3, but it arrived on January 30, just one day before her mom’s 1st Heaveniversary.

    At 11:33 on January 14, 2025, she wrote to her mom, “Bloodwork looks good to me.”

    Her mom responded, “Trusting it is (with two prayer hands icons). Love you, Mama (with a heart and 100 icon).”

    She sent her mom an emoji likeness of herself blowing her mom a kiss.

    Her mom responded, “That’s not close to how beautiful you really are (with a heart icon). Just an icon (with a smiley face blowing a kiss).”

    She closed with a purple heart icon back to her mom.

    1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 (NIV)

    ¹³ Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. ¹⁴ For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

  • Acts of Kindness

    She met him while riding bike with her parents during a week’s visit in the Fort Myers, Florida, area. A Veteran, he was laboriously walking with a cane, pulling a basket behind him, stopping every few steps to lean and breathe. Her dad asked him, “Are you going to make it home?”

    “As long as I don’t pass out….” was the reply.

    She was off her bike, and began pulling his heavy load, holding his hand to support him as her parents pushed her bike along behind.

    They made it to his house where she helped get his purchases into the house. She was bereft when she rejoined her mom and dad. “No one should have to live like that….” they heard her say over-and-over between sobs describing despicable conditions. As they rode back home she spoke of getting him a better cart and filling it with supplies.

    Acts of kindness must have some special attention from LIFE, because the community where her parents winter was having a trash-to-treasure sale with pre-sales to the volunteers the next morning. When the neighbor across the street learned of their intention, he picked them up in his golf kart and they were able to buy a very high-end walker with a seat.

    They fitted the walker with a basket and later went shopping so the walker will be delivered filled with two bags of pull-tab and non-perishable foods!

    No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~ Aesop

  • Happy 2026 Birthday to Me (and 15 others I know!)

    Today is my birthday. If you are willing, you may wish to reflect on my birthday post from 2018 about “Corpse Prayer” at https://edq.ojt.mybluehost.me/debrabashamcom/corpse-prayer/ My birthday posts are not always maudlin, but today I post with a warning: Not For the Faint of Heart.

    After having become vigilant about weight back in the Twiggy super thin model days, I maintained 137 pounds for decades. Then after getting up to 147 the winter of 2023 I was able to be stable at 130. This past summer my weight started going down. I had my doctor do some tests along with my annual exam, but nothing showed up and I left for Florida at 125. Still wondering what my birthday ritual would be, yesterday morning early when I weighed myself I tipped the scales below 120, and anxiety set in.

    I used a drawing/coloring/writing tool a colleague taught me a few years back and wrote:

      Weight/Wait

      All these years, wanting to be thin. Now nervous as the scales show just below 120 pounds. Is something wrong? Am I sick? Will I die?
      Of course, we all do. But what am I waiting for? Is it possible to go before your time? Can the mystery be seen by the heart?

    The story began long, long ago in 1992 shortly after my dad died. I have a published version of it called Where Moon Go? available for 99 cents, but the gist is that I asked God if my dad was okay where he was. I meant was he in heaven or hell, but I said, “I don’t want you to tell me what you think I want to know, I want to know what’s real.”

    Things started happening. As I was driving, the moon would be hidden behind a cloud or a building and I would hear, “It looks like I’m gone, but I am still here.” When I realized this was the answer to my question about my dad, my world view shifted! You don’t have to agree with my experience — always ask your own questions to get to what is real. And that is part of this year’s birthday ritual which began with a text chain that led to my reading Jeremiah 33:3 with my sister and daughter and niece (published in Sacred Stories ).

    I did an AI search asking the question, “Do the worlds’ religions think time of death is preordained?” Some interesting stuff there!

    As I read through answers from Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, and Buddhism, I begin to pray, “I want to know what’s real about human death, and I don’t want you to tell me what you think I want to know. I want to know what’s real.”

    One of my persistent thoughts about a rise in human consciousness and a shift from 3rd density to 5th density is, “What could/would/will human life be like on earth with no fear of death?”

    The one-year anniversary of the death of our older sister, Johnnie Sue, is coming up on January 31. That was some of the text chain that led to all of this. She died with no fear of death. So did my friend, Linda Higbee. Both of them lived with a lot of need to control and anxiety, but both of them passed with peace, praise God!

    For those who did not go back and read the 2018 birthday blog, here is the “Corpse Prayer” again.

    Corpse Prayer

    Be not afraid.
    I give thanks to god who created all things good.
    In christ, all things hold together.
    I am not entitled to life without death.
    I embrace sacred life.
    I embrace sacred death.
    I embrace the growing and crumbling in between.
    Smile at yourself in the silence…
    ~ Jarem Sawatsky

    I wrote into my journal, “I want to know what’s real about human life on earth without fear of death….”

    That afternoon, through myriad emotions, I shared all of this with my sister, Janis, telling her I realize the way to know is to LIVE life without fear of death.

  • 333

    One morning she woke up at 3:33 am and was unable to go back to sleep.

    That afternoon, working in the kitchen, she glanced up to see the clock on the stove announcing it was 3:33 pm.

    Later that evening she was on a group text with a few of her closest family members, sharing intimately as they navigated the upcoming one-year anniversary of her sister’s passing. One of them wrote Jeremiah 33:3 .

    Asking AI the following morning what verse in the bible is 333, this came up:

    While there isn’t one single “333 Bible verse,” the number often points to Jeremiah 33:3: “Call to me, and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known” (ESV). It’s a powerful message of divine communication, completeness (like the Trinity), and God’s promise to reveal Himself when sought, often linked to seeing the number 333 as a call to deeper prayer and seeking God’s guidance.