What happens in your heart when you simply state: “I am Light.”?

You are not trying to convince yourself,
but to invite yourself home,
to remember your deepest truth:
“I am Light!”

Yet, sometimes the mind is so contracted with fear, doubt, anger or greed that the words seem hollow. Then it may be helpful to choose to recall to mind something beautiful—something that will draw attention back to the Light that exists right there with the darkness, the spaciousness that is right there with the contracted and solid. You may look at a flower, hear laughter, offer a smile to a friend, remember a moment of kindness offered to you or to another.

Right there with darkness,
with sadness, fear or anger,
where is lovingkindness?
Where is joy?
Right there with contraction,
where is spaciousness?

Use no force; be patient with yourself. Light is ALWAYS there with the darkness. ~ Aaron Thought for Today

Yesterday, last evening, and this morning my blood pressure numbers were high. I have the freshman psych 101 syndrome where I think I have everything wrong with me that John does. Fortunately, I know better than try to wrestle myself into well-being. This line is spoken by The Borg in the TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994): resistance is futile.

From my journal:

Dear Holy Spirit,

My blood pressure has not come down. In addition, I have been having morning headache, pain in my jaw, and some shortness of breath. Wondering if I should go on anti-anxiety medication.

My inner voice reminds me of ascension flu, a term used when you are awakening on a deeper soul level. What is happening is that your whole body from the cells to the chemistry in your body is changing and shifting at rapid speeds. It feels like you are dying or there is something seriously wrong with you.

I am willing to awaken to a deeper soul level. I surrender. This is not a decision to try and “fix” something but to welcome the best support for all — physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. I am inviting awareness.

I realized this morning that I had forgotten to pay our lot rental that was due on June first. I just scheduled a reminder to go off on my phone two days before the first of the month from now on and I will set up auto pay when the new credit cards come. This is kindness.

I bear witness to the panic pattern: It’s all up to me and it is dangerous. What if I do it wrong?

Spirit, this poisonous terror of doing it wrong has served its time. I am reminded of the 3D image on the Magic Eye Calendar. Janis and I flipped to June yesterday. The 3-D scene is a ball player sliding into home plate. The catcher is over the plate, gloved-hand stretched as far forward as physically possible, almost touching the ball. The runner is on the ground sliding toward the bag. Only one word could be used to describe what is happening in the game: SAFE!!!

A mnemonic pops spontaneously onto the page: SURRENDER ATTACHMENT; FREEDOM EMERGES.

I am guided to listen to Freedom from Fear, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks, an old SCS audio production. I dig through stuff and find an old CD. I get the pillows that for years were on the massage table in my office and I stretch out on the yoga mat, covered with a cozy blanket. It was a bit otherworldly to allow myself to surrender to my own voice. Appreciating anew the musical masterpiece Christina Beushausen created.

As the audio ends, I remember this quote by Ajahn Chah:

If you let go a little you will have a little peace;
if you let go completely you will have complete peace.

Another mnemonic comes forth: SIMPLE ACCEPTANCE FREES EVERYTHING.