Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Sue Monk Kidd

  • My Longings

    “Strive to be uncynical,
    to be a hope-giving force,
    to be a steward of substance.”
    ~ Maria Popova
    Bulgarian-born, American-based writer

    Last evening as we finished dominoes via Zoom, I asked what the most significant news of the day was. My friend said probably that the Trump administration ordered hospitals to bypass the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and send all COVID-19 patient information to a central database in Washington, meaning that the CDC was no longer going to have access to the real-time data about the coronavirus.

    I had a heavy sensation low in my gut.

    I drew the 5 of Clouds, Comparison, from the Osho deck before I went to bed. I sent the message to my friend. “Just look around. All is needed, and everything fits together. It is an organic unity; nobody is higher and nobody is lower, nobody superior, nobody inferior. Everybody is incomparably unique.” I slept rather fitfully.

    When I woke this morning, I knew I was dreaming again, but these images like the past several dreams of children needing support are gone before my feet hit the floor.

    My mind is very clear, however, about the “Say Only” story of the importance of reserving judgment as things are unfolding. I first read this story in The Eye of the Storm by Max Lucado. I have since learned that it predates Lucado and Christianity, and is still true….

    Perhaps President Trump will be able to report data so that those who have discounted the gravity of the virus and been defiant about protective measures will be able to tolerate (hear) the truth from someone they trust.

    I must begin by calling forth my own trust and calling forth his higher guidance.

    I looked back over several recent Daily Quotes from Aaron:

    July 8, 2020
    When enough of you are ready to hold the real vision of a world at peace, where beings do not manipulate, steal, kill or otherwise harm each other, the capacity to hold that vision will emerge in world leaders. You will call them forth. They do not lead you so much as you invite them! The effective leader can only walk where some are ready to follow.

    July 13, 2020
    Bring into your heart and mind the president of this country and others who help to guide him as he makes his decisions. He has a difficult job. You may not agree with his decisions. But certainly you will agree that in his deepest heart, he hopes that his choices for this country will bring peace in the long run if not sooner. This is a man under enormous pressure and he needs your loving wishes even if you say no to his choices. ‘As you strive to guide this nation, may your heart remain open to love and as free as is possible from fear. May you be happy and find peace.’

    July 14, 2020
    You are ready to take this step, ready not only to be awakened but to help the whole Earth awaken, each of you in your own way. I’m not suggesting you’re all going to be like the Buddha, with his path. Your way of awakening the Earth may simply to be to plant an enlightened garden, a garden of plants that you co-create rather than order around. How do we co-create with the Earth? How do we co-create with each other? How do we use our power and unlimitedness in ways that do no harm?

    July 15, 2020
    You as a world are inviting conflict but then not doing the needed practice with it, so you must invite it again and again. You are like the child in school doing endless multiplication table drills; they are unpleasant but you have not studied the tables, and will not, so the teacher repeats the drills. Your inattention calls forth the repetition. If you wish the drills to cease, learn the tables.

    Aaron’s daily quotes are not selected. The quotes were placed into an archive, and each day one is randomly generated. Some quotes may have never been published, some pop up with regularity, and I have seen some publish two days in a row. Aaron himself established this random generation as a condition when the Daily Quotes began to be shared.

    The impact of the coronavirus, and the divisiveness of of sisters and brothers is unpleasant. Wish the drills to cease; learn the tables.

    Sue Monk Kidd’s novel, The Book of Longings, is a mesmerizing work of fiction. Ana—a rebellious and gifted young woman of Galilee, meets and marries Jesus. Before their meeting, early in the book, we witness Ana in a clandestine rooftop meeting with her aunt, Yaltha, another unusual woman of the time.

    “Do you know what an incantation bowl is?” Yaltha asks Ana. “In Alexandria we women pray with them. We write our most secret prayer inside them. Like this.”

    Yaltha places a finger inside the bowl and moves it in a spiraling line around the sides of the bowl. “Every day we sing the prayer. As we do, we turn the bowl in slow circles and the words wriggle to life and spin off toward heaven.”

    My most secret prayer has been written into my “incantation bowl” and I will sing this prayer every day: May all beings be happy and find peace; may we awaken wisdom mind; filling the universe with love; joy; kindness; and compassion.

  • Are You Afraid?

    This past Saturday night our daughter Stacey and her husband hosted a Bon Voyage-Slushy Party. Approximately 75 friends and family feasted on Doug’s pulled pork, beef brisket, and homemade Granny’s BBQ sauce.

    Here is the crew starting to pull the pork:

    Here is the morning after in the back yard, with barely any evidence of the partying that happened the night before:

    Doug’s smoker has been sold, and regular readers of this blog know Stacey and Doug are about to pull up anchor and go on an adventure.

    One question was asked of me sooooooo many times over the evening. “Are you afraid?” If I were the one going on this trip, I would be afraid. I am not afraid for Stacey or Doug.

    The following is scheduled to be published in our local paper on Saturday, but many more readers have access to this blog so I am sharing it early.

    Living Your Dreams

    On October 3, 2019, our daughter, Stacey, turns 53 years old.

    Four days later, she and her husband, Doug, are scheduled to be dropped off at a marina in Paris Landing, Kentucky. They plan to motor their 34-foot sailboat down to the Gulf of Mexico, sail across the Gulf of Mexico, sail around the Florida Keys, and then sail on to the British Virgin Islands where they will live on the boat for the next year or more.

    They have spent over three years totally reconditioning the boat. This past April, they renamed her Lady Gail after our son-in-law’s mother. Our daughter never met her, but Gail lives on in Doug’s dream.

    On October 7, 1919—exactly 100 years to the day before their planned departure date—Stacey’s paternal grandfather was born. Doug never met him, but Grandpa B too lives on in their dream.

    During the ceremony to rename the boat, our grandson, Brad, and my husband, John, played guitar and sang along with our granddaughter, Courtney. The song, “Save Some Time to Dream,” by John Mellencamp, was a surprise.

    The message of the song is powerful. Could it be that this is all there is? Could it be there’s nothing more at all? Save some time to dream. ‘Cause your dream could save us all.

    Stacey cried. So did I.

    A few years ago, Doug was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation (also called AFib or AF), a quivering or irregular heartbeat (arrhythmia) that can lead to blood clots, stroke, heart failure, and other heart-related complications. At least 2.7 million Americans are living with AFib.

    This sailing adventure is major. It was scheduled for last year, but Doug ended up needing a major surgical procedure on his heart. Two cardiovascular surgeons worked simultaneously to perform an inside-outside cardiac ablation. We are so grateful it was totally successful!

    So many people give up on their dreams.

    A handwritten note with a quotation from Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother and Daughter Journey, by New York Times bestselling author, Sue Monk Kidd, and her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor, hangs on the side of my computer: “This is a really good idea. Before you dismiss it, remember how you felt when it came to you.”

    Someone told Stacey she must really love sailing to do this. Stacey said, “Not really, but Doug really loves sailing, and I really love Doug.”

    A plaque with the words of Mark Twain hangs in Lady Gail’s galley: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

    Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, inspirational writer and teacher, said, “Don’t die with your music still in you.”

    Stacey and Doug’s living their dream encourages us all to live our dreams. During the time they are gone, I expect I will journal more about my experience of their being gone. It is so very tender.

    Doug’s father lost a toe, a foot, and a leg last year—the result of a cut cuticle in a pedicure that could not heal due to diabetes.

    This year, Stacey’s dad is working through some health stuff.

    None of us are spring chickens. But we are all so proud of them.

    So many people give up on their dreams.

    Jana Stanfield sings:
    What would I do if I knew that I could not fail
    If I believed would the wind always fill up my sail
    How far would I go, what could I achieve /Trusting the hero in me
    If I were brave I’d walk the razor’s edge
    Where fools and dreamers dare to tread
    Never lose faith, even when losing my way
    What step would I take today if I were brave
    What would I do today if I were brave
    What if we’re all meant to do what we secretly dream
    What would you ask if you knew you could have anything
    Like the mighty oak sleeps in the heart of a seed
    Are there miracles in you and me
    If I refuse to listen to the voice of fear
    Would the voice of courage whisper in my ear
    What would I do today if I were brave

    In “Save Some Time to Dream” Mellencamp cautions not to let your time slip away. A man we met in Florida told us how wise Stacey and Doug are to do go on this trip now while they are young and strong enough. This friend had intended to take a very similar voyage to the one Stacey and Doug have planned. He waited until after he retired, but then his health prevented him from being able to sail. This past year, he sold his boat.

    Stacey and Doug anticipate having to go back to work after this trip. And even if their time away might delay formal retirement, living their dream is worth it.

    If you can refuse to listen to the voice of fear, what dream still lives in your heart?

    Could it be that this is all there is? Could it be there’s nothing more at all? Save some time to dream. ‘Cause your dream could save us all.


  • Sticky Note

    Sacred Stories

    She had just been asked to be part of a project for a spiritual group she was associated with. It was something she was capable of doing, so she sent a brief email reply that she was willing.

    Getting up from her computer, walking across the room, she noticed a piece of paper stuck on the bottom of her shoe.

    Here are the words written on the sticky note:

    This is a really good idea. Before you dismiss it, remember how you felt when it came to you.

    She had written the words from Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story, by Sue Monk Kidd and her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor, on that sticky note several years before. It had somehow—at that moment—gotten from her keyboard shelf onto the bottom of her shoe!

    Take notice of the sometimes subtle and sometimes obvious way LIFE is always guiding you. Send email to Debra when you have a Sacred Story to share.

  • Sovereignty

    “The whole problem with people
    is that they know what matters,
    but they don’t choose it.”
    — Sue Monk Kidd

    I was sharing with a precious friend about how her current role as a caregiver for her husband is similar to a mom’s taking care of an infant. The aura of the person being cared for is dependent upon the aura of the caregiver. If the mom is anxious, angry, exhausted, or frustrated, the baby reacts, because they are essentially sharing an aura. This also occurs at the other end of life….

    I heard myself say to her, “We spend most of our lives believing that we have to sacrifice ourselves for those we love, only to come to understand that the most loving thing we can do for those we love is to take good care of ourselves.”

    I spent several hours online with some amazing folks in North Carolina who work for an organization called Reintegration Support Network, “RSN is an emerging project that aims to provide continuing assistance to young people who have successfully completed substance abuse treatment programs*. It seeks to provide a sobriety-oriented support structure to increase chances of continued sobriety.”

    The aim is to be heart-centered and genuinely present in a transformation way with those who have suffered the pain of addiction. Of course, this hits very close to home for me with my nephew, and dear friends who have adult sons still working through the damage that can be done to lives by substance abuse. We are not alone, millions worldwide are touched….

    One of the men online, Will, is now the RSN Volunteer & Outreach Coordinator. He previously spent 25 years in prison. The most recent newsletter says this about him: William took this time to grow, getting his GED and reading hundreds of books while mentoring troubled youth.

    None of these words fully express what I felt from Will. His compassion obviously has come as a direct result of having grown from his own pain.

    The facilitator of the gathering had the group do a distant healing for my nephew. As part of that, each participant was instructed to “go inside” and receive a message.

    Each message was precious. I made notes and my sister will share those with him. He is being released again on Monday.

    This was Will’s message: “The pressure is not real. It’s an illusion.”

    All this brings to mind a handout about our growth from dependency to being at choice I created for a 2004 workshop series called RX Gratitude.

    Dependent: “I can’t do it alone.”
    Thought virus: “I CAN’T do this.”
    “If you don’t do this for me, you don’t love me.”
    “If you do this for me, you love me.”
    Result: Leaves the individual with the perception that love is conditional.
    Positive intent: Survival
    Emotions range from helpless to trusting

    Counter Dependent: “I will find a way to do it alone.”
    Thought virus: “I WON’T depend on anyone.”
    “Others cannot be trusted.”
    “Needing help is a sign of weakness or deficiency.”
    Result: Leaves the individual with the perception that love is risky.
    Positive intent: Determination
    Emotions range from anger to optimism

    Independent: “I can do it alone.”
    Thought virus: “I MIGHT not ask for help.”
    “If I refuse to let you help me, you will feel bad.”
    “If I let you help me, I am denying the truth.”
    Result: Leaves the individual with the perception that love is sacrifice.
    Positive intent: Confidence
    Emotions range from sadness to triumph

    Interdependent: “I cannot do it alone because I cannot be alone.”
    Thought virus: “I CAN be responsible.”
    “If I am responsible, you are not.”
    “Even if I am responsible, I cannot feel a sense of accomplishment because I know others are responsible too.”
    Result: Leaves the individual with a perception that love is self-denying.
    Positive intent: Connection
    Emotions range from rebellion to optimism

    Choice: “I WILL choose to experience this any way I wish knowing that my experience (map) does not dictate what is (territory).”
    “Whatever happens, I will survive.”
    “I may not win, but I cannot lose, because every experience produces learning.”
    Result: Leaves the individual with the perception that they are supported.
    Positive intent: Sovereignty
    Emotions range from peace to bliss

    It seems this post should close with another Sue Monk Kidd quotation, reminding us of the importance of genuine self love. From Traveling With Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story:

    “My children have always existed at the deepest center of me, right there in the heart/hearth, but I struggled with the powerful demands of motherhood, chafing sometimes at the way they pulled me away from my separate life, not knowing how to balance them with my unwieldy need for solitude and creative expression.”

    Now that is sovereignty….