Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: spirituality

  • Nips

    Sacred Stories

    When I sat six boxes of Nips on the counter at the local Walgreens, the cashier said, “You must really like these.”

    “I can’t easily get them while I am in Florida, so I like to stock up. They are only 30 calories. A great way to calm cravings,” I responded.

    “My grandma loved them….” her voice trailed off. “She passed away last June.”

    “Are you Hispanic?” I asked, and she nodded her head yes. “You are so fortunate your culture honors our loved ones continuing to be with us. Day of the dead…. Your culture knows you don’t have to wait until you die to be together.” I smiled.

    As she put the boxes in my bag she continued, “My daughter is nine months old. My friend and I were driving and my daughter was just smiling sitting in her car seat in the back. I told my friend she does that a lot. My friend said it is probably my grandma….”

    How wonderful to share this truth with one another. We were not strangers. Nips and her grandma had brought us together.

    Thank you, Grandma….

  • See the Blessings in Disguise

    Sacred Stories

    Her husband is in a facility after having had a major stroke almost two years ago. He is losing Medicaid coverage for physical therapy. The physical therapist expressed a willingness to volunteer her time to train the private-pay care team that was working to help him maintain physical strength they have been able to develop.

    Mere minutes before the training, the administration of the facility said their liability insurance prohibits anyone other than their licensed therapists doing therapy for him.

    She was so angry…. She went home frustrated and fuming.

    She got in the hot tub and was crying and crying.

    Finally some space opened up as she realized an option is to have the private-pay care team transport her husband to their home 4 to 5 days per week and do the therapy there.

    She cried even harder when she realized that this plan will likely make him much happier!

    What a blessing to be able to see the blessings in disguise….

  • Welcome Dad!

    Sacred Stories

    The small building out back had been her dad’s man cave. They called it willeyville.


    Her dad had passed, but she still loved the ambiance in that space.

    She writes:

    “I am out in willeyville lighting the fire and getting it warm because my sister is coming over and we are going to do a family craft project. While lighting the fire I heard a noise behind me and turned around and the door was open. I had shut that door. Welcome Dad!”

    Especially at this time of year, notice happenings that remind us our loved ones are still loving us and enjoying our enjoying our lives.

  • By Your Side

    Sacred Stories

    The two women had not previously met even though they had both lived in the same 55-and-over community for a few years. Their interaction at the mail station resulted in a conversation about their mothers having both passed.

    “My mom used to live in that blue house right there,” she pointed.

    That home was now owned by a dear friend of the other woman.

    “I know she is always with me,” she continued.

    “What evidence do you have that she continues to be with you?” the other woman asked.

    “She gave me this charm.” Her gloved hand held a charm with ‘I will always be by your side’ engraved on it.

    “It isn’t just the charm, though. I can feel her with me all the time,” she continued.

    The two woman hugged.

    What a wonderful chance meeting, and what an important reminder. Those who love us are never gone from us….

  • Love Makes the World Go Around

    Sacred Stories

    She was writing in her journal about ‘LOVE’ being four parts of speech: noun, verb, adjective, and adverb.

    She wanted to write a sentence using the word love as each of those. She wrote, “Noun: Love makes the world go around.”

    Then she could not think of how to use the other forms, so she did a Google search for ‘Is love an adverb?’

    Her Google search used her exact sentence: “OK, it’s not an usual adverb. Love is a noun and a verb. For example, “love makes the world go around.” …

    Lessons don’t always have to be earth shattering. Just notice the way things are. The way things are is plenty amazing!

  • Calamities

    Patience is needed with everyone, but first of all with ourselves.

    ~Saint Francis De Sales

    One of the daily thoughts I receive comes from Neale Donald Walsh.

    This one was was especially poignant:

    On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know
    that nothing is ever as bleak as it looks.
    Everything, in fact, is a blessing.

    I know, I know… that is sometimes very hard
    to believe. How can a sudden, calamitous event in one’s life
    be a blessing? It takes a longer view, I know,
    to see this wonderful truth. Even a diagnosis
    of a terminal illness could be seen as another gift
    from life when experienced from a particular perspective.

    It is an opportunity for us to express once again,
    at the next highest level, Who We Really Are.
    And, if it turns out that, at the Soul level, we have
    indeed decided to leave our present physicality
    in this particular way and time, that, too,
    would be an expression of our Highest Self.

    And so, all “calamities” are blessings,
    not yet understood by the Mind.

    God knew this was a good day
    for you to hear this…
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Perhaps every day is a good day to recall that “calamities” are blessings.

    Those who have been following “Sailing Lady Gail” likely know that this week has brought calamities in the “Adventures of Doug and Stacey.” Their first open-water sail was 30 hours of 8-foot-plus rolling waves. Stacey violently vomited for 20 hours so Doug had to stay at the helm without sleep. When they got into safe harbor they were both spent.

    I saw a powerful video on Facebook. While the video is 10 things you should never do to a person with Alzheimer’s, it outlines appropriate kindness to persons in all challenging circumstances.

    1. Never argue, instead agree.

    2. Never reason, instead divert.

    3. Never shame, instead distract.

    4. Never lecture, instead reassure.

    5. Never say “Remember,” instead reminisce.

    6. Never say “I told you,” instead repeat.

    7. Never say, “You can’t,” instead let them do what they can.

    8. Never command, instead ask.

    9. Never condescend, instead encourage.

    10. Never force, instead reinforce.

    The closing message is: Remember that your loved one with Alzheimer’s can understand kind touch, laughter, and smiles even if they’ve lost most of their verbal skills.

    As they await the arrival of some parts to repair an electrical issue on the boat, Doug and Stacey are being cared for well by her Uncle Jack Basham in Largo, Florida.


    They are receiving lots of kind touch, laughter and smiles!

    And after a few days on dry land, Stacey and Doug are now back to the dream drawing board. Details to follow….

  • Relief!


    The Comcast saga came to an end late yesterday morning. Today my fingers are on the keyboard of my PC and I am connected to the SCS domain. The solution was actually simple. And it is what Donny, my customer service agent at my local Comcast store, suggested to me weeks ago: Swap out the modem.

    Relief is an interesting concept. Relief is defined as a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress or assistance, especially in the form of food, clothing, or money, given to those in special need or difficulty.

    Alison, I’m not sure to whom this message of appreciation should be addressed, but I want someone within the Comcast organization to know what you did for me.

    I had been struggling between Comcast and my web host since October 18. On November 7, when I found you I had spent over 30 hours having to give the same information over and over, and never being able to follow up with someone I had spoken to previously.

    I was rude, frustrated, angry, and you stayed right with me and assured me you would not leave me until the issue was resolved.

    Although you were not able to resolve the issue that evening, you gave me your extension number and email. I became a real person to you. I cried!!! I mattered to you, and that matters to everyone.

    During this period of time I was struggling with the problem with my service we had two deaths in our family. People have a lot going on….

    You suggested we swap out the modem and when I got the new one the following morning, you were able to assist me to get the help from Kevin to activate it.

    I sent email and left voice mail letting you know we were successful. Then you called again to make sure everything was working correctly.

    Donny, at the Benton Harbor, Michigan, store was the first one to suggest we swap the modem. I wish everyone could work with you and Donny…. everyone deserves to!

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    During these weeks of frustration I have said many times I recognized this as an opportunity. I have learned a lot. I learned we do not have to call Comcast and go through 30 minutes of being passed from one person to another only to have to tell them the exact information before getting to someone who cannot help you. Using the Comcast app on your phone, you can give the information once and request a call back. The appropriate person calls you back. Oh, my….

    Another learning has been to see how kind the conditions are. Regardless of how challenging, right here within the conditions is kindness.

    It is kindness to let it go each time no resolution was at hand.

    It is kindness to persevere and make another call when I had a couple of hours. (EEK…)

    It is kindness to remember nothing is a life or death matter—not even life or death.

    It is not denial to say not even life or death is a life or death matter. It is truth.

    Over lunch yesterday my dear friend, Jane Foster, shared that even having lived with cancer for over 35 years now she still bumps into a fear of death. “Will it hurt? Will I be alone? How will my husband handle things? How will my son get through this?”

    It occurs to me these are not evidences of fear of death. They are evidences of desire to control. We want to know. We want assurances. We want things to go a certain way.

    I sent out a prayer request:
    I have a precious client named Jessica.

    She is thirty-something…

    13 months ago she was told she had 17 months to live.

    Three months ago she was told she was in remission, but her most recent scan showed tumors on her liver.

    She has been at MD Anderson in Houston this week and if she is a candidate for an experimental surgery and treatment she will fly back down on November 17 and have the procedure on November 19. If there are no complications she will be able to fly back to Michigan on November 22.

    They were not very optimistic… Possibly extend her life six months.

    She asks for help with her mental state.

    Here is her Bitmoji saying:

    If you are inclined to pray, please add a special prayer for the mental state of all humans. May all beings know peace. May all beings love and be loved. May all beings come to the end of suffering.

    Pray for Alison and Donny and each of those who work in organizations that inflict such pain in the delivery of service. Pray for Jane Foster to embrace sacred life and sacred death. (See Corpse Prayer) Pray for Jessica as she navigates such turbulent waters.

    Pray that all sentient beings feel relief….

  • Suicide

    Sacred Stories

    He was mulling the subject of suicide. Essentially about why suicide is seen as bad; he had regularly received guidance that every person chooses when, where, and how that person transitions.

    When he got home he had received an email message from Abraham Hicks.

    The subject of that message was suicide. Abraham used the exact same words, “Every death, no exception, is suicide because you create your own reality.”

  • What Love Can Do

    I could begin this article with an update on my SCS-Matters domain still being unavailable here on my home WiFi router, or that our underbelly of our mobile home is not yet insulated or ‘closed up’ as they call it and there is snow on the ground this morning, but I will instead begin by sharing what is important. Last evening we attended the visitation and funeral for the 34-year-old son of our cousin, Rita.

    Chris was eccentric. Was that his soul’s destiny? Perhaps it a result of having been born in cardiac distress and immediately being whisked off to a children’s hospital several hours away from home. Maybe having lived his 34 years knowing he could die at any moment contributed.

    Perhaps living our lives knowing we could die at any moment would be good for us all.

    In the two-year Dharma study group this entire second year is working with the sacred darkness. You might be quite surprised how much fun and how easy the exercises are for this very challenging practice. Sit on an exercise ball, like the one my Dharma Sister, Patty, is leaning on in this photo and note the balance or imbalance until you can find inner stillness.


    Another exercise is to hold a book in your hand, out at arm’s length. Notice the inner process. “This is silly. This is heavy. No big deal. I am going to hurt myself. I see no point in this. Kindness says to put the book down.”

    You can see how these simple processes are pointing to a deeper state of awareness.

    The third exercise is to take a raw egg and purposely let it roll off a counter and fall onto the floor and make a mess! I did this while on Zoom with two Dharma Sisters – one in Texas and one in the Sea of Cortez. We were to watch the tension and the mind activity. “This is wasteful. I am going to have to clean it up. What am I supposed to feel? Is this working? Did I do it right?”

    Both of my witnesses said the SPLAT sound produced the greatest gut reaction for them.

    I confess to being unwilling to waste one of the good farm-fresh eggs…. I noticed aversion, tension, and desire for control.

    Many other events that are filling my days are too personal to share without betraying confidences of others. But one happening just now is worthy of sharing with you.

    I was standing at the kitchen island writing this post on my laptop because the Comcast challenges that prevent my PC from having access to my blog. John came back into the house saying, “Look who I found outside raking leaves for a neighbor.”

    My eyes had been against the screen and all I saw was a man in a heavy jacket wearing fogged-over eyeglasses and a stocking hat. I walked over to get a closer look.

    “From Stevensville United Methodist churches young adult class years ago,” he said. “Scott.”

    I recognized his voice!

    He went on, “First let me say we have three wonderful children and five amazing grand children. And I want to thank you both for giving me such a foundation for life. You were so far ahead of us spiritually but you never let us know that and you were right there with us helping guide us along.”

    “I call that ‘doubling back’ such as when an avid reader wants to inspire love of reading in a toddler. You have patience and kindness and meet them where they are to bring them along. It is such a joy to watch the love grow in them…” I shared.

    I also told Scott what I had been told at the Oakwood retreat, “Debra, you love so deeply and you serve so many. You often worry is you are doing enough or if you could have done more. This week let yourself truly cherish yourself….”

    I thanked Scott for being God’s answer to my willingness to truly cherish myself.

    This morning I watched again the last Dharma Path video. I made a note in my journal about the book exercise: Ego cannot hold on very long. LOVE can hold on as long as it is needed. That is what love can do. Love can hold on as long as it is needed.

    Thank you Chris, and Rita, and Comcast….

  • Grief and Relief: RIP Aunt Sharon

    Tender emotions here…. Some of the emotions are frustration. I have spent the past two weeks without resolution to my WiFi/Domain not speaking to one another. Twenty three hours on hold with Comcast, Comcast, Comcast, and Bluehost.

    Monday evening, Aunt Sharon Basham passed. I met with her family on Thursday evening, went to visitation Friday evening, and I had the honor of officiating her Celebration of Life today. Everything about that service touches other places deep in my heart. Aunt Sharon lived with her daughter, Tracey, and son-in-love, Bo. The family supported Sharon in her wishes to be able to live her life out in the home they all moved into together on her birthday in 2008.

    A powerfully relevant poem, “Two Mothers Remembered” by Joann Snow Duncanson, speaks of this unique bond when a daughter is a caregiver to her mother:

    I had two Mothers – two Mothers I claim
    Two different people, yet with the same name.
    Two separate women, diverse by design,
    But I loved them both because they were mine.

    The first was the Mother who carried me here,
    Gave birth and nurtured and launched my career.
    She was the one whose features I bear,
    Complete with the facial expressions I wear.

    She gave me her love, which follows me yet,
    Along with the examples in life that she set.

    As I got older, she somehow younger grew,
    And we’d laugh as just Mothers and daughters should do.

    But then came the time that her mind clouded so,
    And I sensed that the Mother I knew would soon go.

    So quickly she changed and turned into the other,
    A stranger who dressed in the clothes of my Mother.

    Oh, she looked the same, at least at arm’s length,
    But now she was the child and I was her strength.

    We’d come full circle, we women three,
    My Mother the first, the second and me.
    And if my own children should come to a day,
    When a new Mother comes and the old goes away,
    I’d ask of them nothing that I didn’t do.
    Love both of your Mothers as both have loved you.

    They chose some wonderful music. In the Garden, by Alan Jackson. And Supermarket Flowers, sung by Ed Sheeran.”You were an angel in the shape of my mum….Spread your wing….And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah, You’re home….”

    The Basham family is an amazing family. I married in to it over fifty years ago and I am so grateful….

    Tonight Stacey sent a text message: “Please hold energy for Doug. He’s frustrated with stuff breaking, weather, etc. I just want to be supportive of him. This is his dream that I’m along for the ride.” (See FaceBook Sailing Lady Gail or Adventure of Doug and Stacey.)

    We had opportunity for a voice-to-voice and I shared some from my journal this morning:

    D: Last night I was kind to the person at Comcast (8:30-9:30 pm) and Bluehost (9:30-11:00 pm) while still being honest about the frustration.

    D: What would you have me know?

    V: Ask Jesus for help. Remember the Sacred Story you published that there is an angel for everything?

    D: I am willing. I do see how my not planning to go to Indy for the Welcome Baby Party for Brian and Tegan was part of that greater awareness.

    V: That is ALWAYS happening. Even the challenging situation with your domain is kind. You can do everything you need to do—just not the way you want to do it. Yes?

    D: Yes.

    V: Do you remember this is part of the Sacred Darkness? Watch the one who wants to control. As Barbara heard when she was trying to save her neighbor from drowning,”Stop trying. Relax. Let LOVE do this.”

    D: Helplessness; confusion; grief. As I embrace that in myself I do it for all sentient beings.

    I reminded Aunt Sharon’s family of the importance of celebrating little acts of love and enjoyment and remembrance.

    It is OK to feel grief and relief.

    In closing, these words to Sharon, and to each of you, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done….”



    As I was hanging up with Bluehost I asked the guy what time it was where he was at. He said it was 8:00 pm and I responded, “It is 11:00 pm here.”

    We are not actually all having the same experience, even when we are having the same experience.