Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: spirituality

  • Looking for the True Self

    Wow… I had a very unskillful time of things at the Jam last evening. When John and I arrived there were only two others there and one of the guys asked me to drum on the first and third beat only. He played a bit of a song he was going to do, and he coached me, and then my emotions went on a demented detour. A wounded state got triggered (honestly, that wounded state had come into the jam with me after it was previously triggered by another situation). It was all I could do to stay in that room for two hours. I did not put my hands on my drum for one beat.

    He apologized to me after the jam.

    I apologized to him by text this morning.

    So much unnecessary suffering….

    Yesterday’s Daily Arron Quote: Decisions made from a space of contraction will always carry karma. They will always come from the self, from the ego. Decisions made while resting in that spaciousness that is aware of the contraction and is not hooked into a self-identity with it are free of karma and can hold the spaciousness of the loving heart as ground for the decision or words.

    I was self-identified as the person who could not drum correctly; the person who was not allowed to drum the way I wanted to drum; the person who was not good enough.

    Those are familiar thoughts and feelings, but they are not who I am. As I am writing this post a text message from Empty Circle Zen group arrived:

    We ARE IN the habit of identifying ourselves with our bodies. The idea that we are this body is deeply entrenched in us. But we are not just this body; we are much more than that.

    The idea that “This body is me and I am this body” is an idea we must get rid of. If we do not, we will suffer a great deal. We are life, and life is far vaster than this body, this concept, this mind. We are connected with everything and everything with us.

    My emotions did not originate in the interaction about the drumming. My emotions came from old habit energies of feeling judged or rejected or controlled, resulting in not feeling good enough and believing that someone or everyone was doing something or everything wrong.

    The true self has deep compassion for all humans navigating these bodies, these concepts, these minds. The true self has wisdom to recognize the suffering that comes from self-identification with all of that.

    While the true self was working on this post, I received an email from a friend saying a digital copy of his book, Looking for the True Self, is now available. (The title of this post comes from the title of his boo k.) The downloadable, virus-free, printable, and shareable file is freely available on his website (www.georgesanfacon.com).

    Note: George says you may get a pop-up message box that reads “This file is too large to preview” or “This file is too large to scan for viruses” but fear not — the file is safe and you can click the “download” or “download anyway” button.

    Excerpted from “Looking for the True Self:”

      a spark is born and dies in a split second, while the sun seems to last forever

      but if your time shifted to a longer perspective,
      you could watch the sun flicker in and out of existence, too,
      same as a spark from a fire

      and so your body is flickering, too

      the Universe scooped you up into manifest existence,
      and will soon pour you back …. …. ….

    May all beings enjoy looking for the true self!

  • Dowagiac

    She lived in a small town in Southwestern Michigan, but was in Chicago getting her tattoos. Not that kind of tattoos. She was going to have 25 radiation treatments.

    The skin must be marked before radiation is given, as it ensures that the radiation beams to treat the cancer are applied in the correct spot. Ink tattoos are most frequently used, as they don’t come off once they are placed.

    Tim asked where she was from. “Berrien Springs,” she said. He asked where that was and in her sharing the details he asked if it she knew where Dowagiac was.

    “I grew up in Dowagiac,” she exclaimed.

    The word ‘Dowagiac’ is inspired by a Native American word meaning ‘foraging ground,’ referencing abundance in food and game.

    Tim became very animated telling her that he had spent most of his childhood summers in Dowagiac with his grandparents!

    At her very core she felt such confirmation.

    She had deep knowing she was going to be okay, and that the divine had given her this connection.

    She was ready.

    Thank you, God. Thank you, Tim. Thank you, Dowagiac.

  • Three Empty Chairs

    They had just taken their seats at the funeral. Their friend, Sandy, had passed so unexpectedly after a car hit her in the grocery store parking lot. “Judy should be here with us,” Kay said.

    “There are three empty chairs in our row,” she responded, “so let’s save the one next to you for Judy.” Judy was Sandy’s cousin. Judy had passed not long ago.

    Moments later as Judy’s daughter, son, and daughter-in-law slid into their row, Judy’s daughter sat down in the chair they were “saving” for Judy.

    “You know, we were saving that chair for your mom,” she said to Judy’s daughter.

    Judy’s daughter flashed a tender grin before quickly replying, “Well, then I guess I will just have to sit on her lap…. Or better yet, I will let her sit on mine!”

  • I Wish to Give My Share

    Today’s “Word for the Day” from Gratefulness.org is by renowned poet and author, David Whyte: Being unappreciative might mean we are simply not paying attention.

    I have shared previously that we have been on an accelerated path with my nephew. He has now signed a lease, paid his first month’s rent, and this David and his emotional support animal, Junior Bear, have moved into an unfurnished space in the walk-out basement of a co-worker. David has known Terry for close to forty years. Terry’s mother lives there too. She is 80-something.

    David needed EVERYTHING.

    I sent a message to our Interfaith Fellowship list. Gifts began to arrive. A toaster oven; pillow and comforter; bath towels; odds-and-ends for the kitchen; small flat-screen TV; etc.

    I stopped at a garage sale while out riding my bike and bought a floor lamp for $3. The guy ended up gifting David a small table with three chairs and a desk.

    In response to my email, news from a friend home recovering from Covid came that her church was having their huge garage sale this week and giving me the name of a woman in charge. Patty is a long-time friend AND a former teacher who knows David from elementary school!!!!

    The church gifted David a queen-sized bed, complete with headboard and mattress pad. A friend loaned us his pick-up truck for delivery. (If you do not see the photo here, please click on the title link in this email and read from the website.)

    Another friend sent $100 for “whatever is needed” and we were able to purchase a twin-recliner sofa, end table, and chest of drawers from the church’s sale. The friend loaned me his truck again and he and his wife and Larry Gunter helped me deliver the sofa. (If you do not see the photo here, please click on the title link in this email and read from the website.)

    And David still has $15 dollars left!

    The past several days have brought some challenges. Heavy rain meant no driving the cement delivery truck and work at the shop resulted in a very painful shoulder that sent David home before daybreak. Later that day he discovered his pay had not gone onto his debit card, and his mom and Larry had to help him get that straightened out. The next day he knew he was sick with that nasty respiratory stuff going around…. The rent goes on even with three days of work missed this week.

    I sent him this big message posted on Facebook by a dear friend, Sandy, who is losing her vision from complications as a result of treatment for cancer:

    I think it’s inevitable that all of us will experience some difficult setbacks in life…we’ll be dealing pretty effectively with challenges (of all kinds) when an unexpected issue crops up and we find ourselves temporarily overwhelmed. Please don’t hesitate to share your feelings with the empathic listeners in your life. Don’t fall into the trap of pretending that your troubling feelings don’t exist OR that those feelings are the place you need to stay. Recognizing all the blessings that remain can be so helpful in finding our best head space. Today I am blessed with a great care team, a generous blood donor, creative physicians, a loving partner and adult sons who are tracking my comings and goings. There is SO much to be grateful for; I’m hoping that all of you who are facing life challenges can find your way to a hopeful and peacefilled resolution. 💖

    This morning I was reading story number 29 in Forty-Seven Stories of Jesus You Have Probably Never Heard, by Aaron, channeled by Barbara Brodsky. Jesus and his companions were attacked by bandits and left without shelter from the sun, food, and only one small container of water for all of them. When they came across a sole sheep and her newborn lamb, knowing without water there could be no milk for the lamb, Jesus said, “I wish to give my share of the water.”

    I plan to share the rest of the story at St. John UCC on October 29, so I won’t say more about that now.

    David has expressed desire for a Britta water pitcher because the water at the rental house has a lot of iron. I don’t have iron in our water here but we do have city water so we have chlorine. I actually use two Britta pitchers — filtering once for cooking and coffee or tea, then filtering a second time for drinking.

    Today I wish to give David my extra Britta pitcher….

  • Tire Swing

    Her dad had passed. Her mom some time before. The family home was being sold. Especially her sister was having a hard time letting the house go.

    Sooooo many memories. Such an amazing piece of property. Gorgeous trees. On one of them hung a tire swing their dad had built.

    Generations of their family had enjoyed that tire swing….

    They hired a couple of young guys to help with getting the house ready to go onto the market. She knew all was well when she caught sight the workers taking a turn on that old tire swing when they thought no one was looking!

    She knew their memories did not just live in his house, or in the swing he built!

    Her dad lives on in the house and in the swing he built, but his memory and his love lives on in their hearts.

  • God Numbers

    It was again time for her to have blood work before an upcoming physical. Always a stressful event with her history of white coat syndrome.

    As she was getting dressed, her bedroom clock read 11:11.

    It is said that the number 1111 holds the god number, and it is a sign of blessing, angelic presence, and the message that all is well.

    As she left the doctor’s office, her car clock read 1:11.

    There was the god number again — all about purity, self-love, and fresh starts.

    Sharing this news with a friend, she wrote, “That feels significant to me. I’m praying for healthy results. Love you and our angelic connection!”

    *Note – As I was posting this message my clock read 5:55. There are no bad numbers, and seeing multiples is a reminder that there are many unseen helping hands. Reading this online about angelic number meanings, “The universe (god) can communicate its deepest secrets through the form of repeated numbers.”

  • I Can Feel It In My Bones

    (Re-posted from Facebook with permission.)

    For me and my loving partner, this is a week of infusions, vision testing, blood work and doctor conferences. But thanks to the University of Michigan’s Gift of the Arts program, it is also another week of original art decking sterile hallways, charming clay works in cases near waiting rooms and glorious music filling the lobby while families gather, doctors and nurses take a quick lunch break and patients await the next appointment of the day.

    What a blessing for us….an incredible “coincidence”….musicians we love with whom we share a cherished history had been scheduled this day between my appointments!! As Larry guided me to a comfy chair up front, Laz, San and Emily broke into a spirited version of “I Can Feel It In My Bones,” a song they taught All God’s Children Choir more than 20 years ago! And even more astonishing, Bones has been very much on our minds as it’s the very song AGC will be performing for this coming Sundays Interfaith Action Celebration of the Harvest and the Harvestors!!

    This beloved, multitalented trio played a wide variety of tunes for an hour today. We’re sure that we were but two among many whose spirits were lifted through the gift of music! Thank you U of M….and thank YOU Sandor Slomovits , Emily Slomovits and Laszlo Slomovits! We carry each of you in our hearts!

    See Gemini Music for Children and Families


  • Make the Chili

    I shared this story at St. John UCC a few days ago:

      Make The Chili

      A good friend of mine unexpectedly lost his wife. A couple months later we were golfing together, chatting about nothing. He asked what my dinner plans were and I told him wifey wanted my homemade chili and cornbread, but I didn’t feel like stopping at the store. We golfed a few more minutes when he quietly said, “Make the chili.”

      It took me a few minutes to realize we were no longer talking about dinner. It was about going out of your way to do something for someone you love because at any moment, they could unexpectedly be taken from you. So today I’m sharing with you that wisdom handed to me by my dear friend, that I’ve thought of many times since that day. Next time someone you love wants you to go for a walk or watch a football game or play a board game or just put your phone down and give them your undivided attention, just do it. “Make the chili.”

    Today this story visits me with greatly expanded awareness.

    A precious dharma friend has been experiencing anxiety and full-blown-panic attacks, possibly a long-covid condition. In our discussion about all of this I mentioned three therapies that might be helpful. Self Havening, EFT, and EMDR. This is what I sent to her after we logged off Zoom.

    Self Havening

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQXbZmuSbFs

    A 10-minute, Self-Havening practice to reduce anxiety, enhance wellbeing, and develop compassion and loving-kindness. See neuroscienceofhealing.com for more resources.

    https://www.havening.org/

    Tapping Points and Instructional Video

    Tapping (EFT) is so powerful because it addresses the emotions that have been stored in our bodies as we developed.

    Here is the short instructional video introduction:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAclBdj20ZU

    The points are on the side of the hand, where the eyebrow begins, where the eyebrow ends on the side of your eye, under eye right on the bone, under your nose, on the crease of your chin, on your collar bone, under arm on the bra strap, and on the top of your head.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAclBdj20ZU&authuser=0

    EMDR Therapy

    Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, commonly known as EMDR, is a mental health therapy method. EMDR treats mental health conditions that happen because of memories from traumatic events in your past. It’s best known for its role in treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but its use is expanding to include treatment of many other conditions.
    https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22641-emdr-therapy

    Our meditation teacher, Barbara Brodsky, reminds us in The Path of Clear Light: Stepping Out of the Shadow, “There is no need to fix them, though you will wish to tend to them.”

    When we sit in formal meditation, if a fly buzzes our face we resist the urge to swat or shoo it away, thus developing concentration and mindfulness. We are cultivating the gentle truth of tending to conditions. We know everything arises from conditions. We know conditions are impermanent.

    If a baby cries because it is hungry, does the mother refuse milk to teach the baby that hunger arises from conditions and will pass when the conditions cease? Of course not. The mother will tend to the baby.

    John and I have been spending time with my nephew as he makes a huge lifestyle change from over-the-road truck driving and living in the truck, to local work and being “home” every night. Complicated hugely by not having had a home or an income. The goal is to generate stability rather than becoming homeless every time he changes jobs. Today he came for home-made vegetable beef soup and cornbread and a shower.


    Just as judging “judging” is still judging, fixing “fixing” is still fixing.

    Conditions are calling us to tend to them.

    Make the chili.

  • Dream! Divine Timing

    She received this text message from a friend early that morning, “I’d like to share a dream I had last night. Please let me know if you are available today or tomorrow for a call.” She replied saying she was awake and available but heard nothing back from her friend.

    That afternoon while driving from her doctor appointment to a farm market in search of local honey, she received a phone call from the homeowner of their seasonal rental for many years. Since she had not grabbed her headset when she left the house, she did not answer, but dialed as she got back into her car with the coveted honey. They were just a few days short of one year since Hurricane Ian swept devastation through their beloved Florida community. It was a nice long catch-up call.

    Knowing she’d been gone a long time, she sent her husband a quick text message letting him know she was going on to the grocery store.

    A beep-beep came from the car pulling in right behind her, and out jumped the friend who had written about the dream! They sat on a bench just inside the store and took all the time they needed to look deeply at the symbolism in the dream before joyfully going on to their separate shopping chores.

    Coming around the corner of an aisle and seeing one another it flooded into her awareness how divine the timing had been for them to pull into the parking lot at the exact same time. “If I had not had that long conversation I would have been here and gone before you arrived.”

    Looking at her phone later she noted that she had been on the phone conversation for 26 minutes!

    Their meeting was obviously not simply about the “dream” but also about Divine Timing….

    Nevertheless, do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like one day. ~ 2 Peter 3:8

  • Mints and More Mints

    It had been almost 18 years since her husband had passed, at the young age of 50, so she had driven the many hours to join a local nature group for a kayaking trip once again as a “single” person.

    Arriving at the hotel to check in, there on the reception desk were his favorite mints! (See “Mints” posted December 27, 2014 in Sacred Stories.)

    A photo of the two she took was sent to a dear friend who had witnessed the appearance of the mints so many times and places over all these years. The following day, she received a photo back from that friend, saying, “On the conference table at our appointment with the Elder Law attorney’s office this moment.”


    And the attorney added a very significant detail, “The funny thing about those mints is that I just bought them yesterday. If you had been here before, they would not have been here. There would have been life savers in the bowl instead.”

    The closing line from that “Mints” 2014 post, “And she knew now that love truly is eternal. His sweet mints prove it to her over and over and over.”