Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: scs-matters.com

  • Newsletter

    Sacred Stories

    Taking the mail out of the box, her eyes landed on the name and number of her friend on the back of the newsletter. Her friend’s husband was quite ill. She picked up the phone and made a call.

    “What led you to call today?” her friend’s voice was quivering.

    “I got my district newsletter and saw your name and number. I needed to pick up the phone and give you a call.”

    “We aren’t on that list,” her friend said. Looking down on the page, her friend’s name and number was not there!

    Her friend’s husband had just passed away that morning….

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Seesaw and Ups and Downs

    I just spoke with a dear friend. She is my sister from another mister. We are soul mates, and we have such sweet sincere respect and love for one another. We were sharing about the privilege of lifting one another up, and being confident we always get our turn. The metaphor that popped into my mind is that of a seesaw.

    Seesaws (also known as a teeter-totter) were commonplace on the playgrounds where we grew up.

    The seesaw is supported by a single pivot point. As one end goes up, the other goes down.

    My heart is filled with compassion for so many in our world. Irma has left many homeless, even if some only temporarily. It will be a long while before things settle to a new normal.

    A friend here in Michigan fell and is now in the hospital in horrific pain made worse by his blindness. He has lost his sister and his brother and now lives alone.

    What is an appropriate response? The following email message came from my teacher/friend, Barbara Brodsky, and her teacher/friend, Aaron. I have not asked permission to share it with you, but I know they will be glad to have you take it to heart and to share it with others.

    Dear friends,

    I have been watching the news and weather through the weekend with sadness, as I know is true for many of you. Harvey caused (and continues to cause) so much suffering as people lost homes, livelihoods and even lives. Irma will continue such suffering. Deep Spring Center is a national/ international sangha. In the past weeks and this week, I have spoken to friends in Texas and now in Florida, who have lost homes, have had to evacuate, and have felt bewildered and afraid. Such pain is a natural consequence of such uncertainty. We cannot fix it for ourselves or others, only hold it all in love.

    My first tendency was to think, “I offer you love,” whether it be to a person, place or situation. Aaron reminded me that to offer love is a subtle act of separation. It’s better than nothing, and does help, but it is also me, separate from you, trying to give you something to help your pain. It is a statement that it is your situation and pain though, and I need not experience it directly.

    He asked me to substitute, “I hold you in my heart,” with the recognition that we are one. “Your pain and my pain are one; your loss and my loss are one.” As in that beautiful chant with the lines, “because I am in you, and you are in me.”

    The natural human tendency is to want to separate ourselves from pain, from chaos and from helplessness, and to feel safe and in control. But life is often not that way. Acknowledging this truth, can we allow ourselves to be truly vulnerable and be touched by our pain?

    Please join me opening your hearts to our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, our children, ourselves, in Houston, the Caribbean, Florida, and also in Mexico that has just suffered a strong earthquake, in places where there is war, and in the parts of the world where people go to bed hungry and sick. Please join me with the loving thought, “I hold you in my heart. Your pain and my pain are one.” In this way, the true energy of Love becomes available to all. We are not helpless; this is something real, to open our hearts to our own and the world’s suffering. We are bigger and stronger than we think.

    May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.
    May all beings dwell in the Heart of Love.
    May all beings everywhere find freedom and perfect peace.

    With love,
    Barbara and Aaron

    Some days we are up physically and down emotionally. Other days we are up emotionally but down physically. Whether the storms of life have you at the top of the seesaw where it is high and dry or the bottom where it is flooded with pain, we are able to know the truth of the ups and downs. As Barbara and Aaron expressed, “May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.” We are bigger and stronger than we think.

  • The Shack

    Sacred Stories

    The end of the movie really didn’t make sense to her, so when she took a friend who was having some very hurtful family dynamics to see it (thinking it would be healing for her) she was also looking forward to having an opportunity to maybe understand that last scene.

    When she watched the movie the second time with her friend, that scene was not in the movie.

    She realized immediately the mystical experience working to get her to bring her friend, who was affected by the film.

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Dealing with Devastation

      Please be extra gentle with yourself during these highly charged, transformative times. We are all so beautifully sensitive to the collective experience – and especially right now.

      We are sending our blessings to those in the many places where there are wildfires, floods, and approaching hurricanes. Peace, love, and blessings to all people, all creatures, and all lands everywhere. So many new beginnings are underway. ~ Matt Kahn

    This photo was posted on Facebook by my son-in-law, Doug Dodge, along with his comments about yesterday’s hurricane damage: One of my favorite places in the BVI’s (British Virgin Islands). This is a picture of one of the rental fleets. They have total devastation and nothing left. We have met some great people over the years that live there and our hearts go out to them. Their only income is tourism and they have nothing to offer now. Please keep them in your prayers.

    At the time of this blog’s writing many friends and family and people we may never know across the state of Florida and other parts of the southeastern US are dealing with the anticipated devastation related to hurricane Irma after seeing what she has already done. This all makes me aware about the need to plan for dealing with devastation.

    Some will blame God, others will blame humans for accelerated global warming. Many will be second-guessing choices they have made to build, live, visit, stay or go. It is natural to be awash with emotions as we anticipate and/or witness devastation, but blame and remorse are not helpful.

    Perhaps Ira Byock’s book, The Four Things That Matter Most, now updated for its tenth anniversary, can offer us some advise. Byock says four simple phrases “stating the obvious” allow us to experience the benefits of letting old grudges and toxic emotions:

    “Please forgive me.”
    “I forgive you.”
    “Thank you.”
    “I love you.”

    And there are things we can do. We can give money to organizations we know are responsible with their dollars and have good sense about what is helpful at what time. We can pray. We can also do Tonglen to assist in the processing of all of this collective emotion. If you are new to the practice of Tonglen or you will benefit from a refresher, please read “Terrorist Attacks and Tonglen.”

  • Follow the Energy

    Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, way back in the sixth century B.C. said: “You cannot step twice into the same river.” This is because the river is in flux. Perhaps it is also because we are always changing. I certainly was aware of this truth while attending a Level 1 Healing Touch workshop at the VA in Hines, Illinois. I attended my first Healing Touch Level 1 in February, 1995.

    Accompanied to the workshop by my friend, Norleen, my heart was filled with compassion for the nurses whose work days are rife in life-or-death actions. Instructor, Ann O’Malley, tells us to ground and center, attune to the universal healing energy and the person we are working with, and to “follow the energy” because “you cannot do it wrong.”

    This class is all women, most nurses working with Veterans here at Hines VA.

    We learn the basic healing sequence, practice on/with one another, and find ourselves changing, just like the river.

    Since my first Level 1 Class in 1995, I have had the honor to help many individuals become aware of the subtle healing energies. I have great respect for Ann, and I am grateful she is still teaching after all these years. I am profoundly aware it is good for each of us to be here in this class and simultaneously good for our world that we can be open and willing to learn and share the truth.

    During the last weeks of my brother-in-law’s life, as he and his family dealt with his increased body restlessness, I offered to share some of the Healing Touch techniques that might lessen or abate some of his symptoms. In our class Ann stresses the ethics of always asking permission before sharing Healing Touch. She tells of a man who sat in her chair for a demonstration at a health fair. When she sensed he was not open, she asked him if he wanted to receive the Healing Touch. He admitted his wife had made him come and he did not believe in it. She suggested he be honest about that and allow someone else to come. He left the chair.

    We must be open.

    We must be willing.

    Sunday morning’s Thought for Today from the Brahma Kumaris seems so very timely: I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

    I am grateful my brother-in-law was admitted to Hanson Hospice Center and that he passed peacefully. In the last minutes of his earthly life between 3 and 5 a.m., I was awake. (See Shadow Work)

    I toyed with the thought of getting dressed and going to Hanson Hospice Center, but determined I could just as easily offer support from home. As I settled onto the sofa in the great room here in the tiny house, my heart went automatically to the Healing Touch technique called Chakra Spread, often used in hospice care for the terminally ill. You begin by holding the sole of one foot with the palm of your hand and the other hand on top of the foot or ankle. Then you do the same to the other foot. Next, you do a thumb-lock handshake with your other hand on the back of the client’s hand. Repeat with the other hand.

    Moving gently from about a foot above the head you slowly and tenderly spread each chakra three times: Crown, Brow, Throat, Heart, Solar Plexus, Sacral, Root, knees (done together), and ankles (done together), then slip the “earthy boots” or “worldly cares” off the feet. This entire process is repeated three times before you return to one hand and hold it in the thumb-lock handshake again as you place your other hand over the person’s heart.

    This is often taught to a family member or loved one. Rather than sit in fear or sadness, it is a way of praying with your whole body, mind, and spirit.

    I fell asleep on the sofa after doing the chakra spread and it was shortly before 5 a.m. when my husband came in to tell me his brother hand passed. It was wonderful to have the song No Longer Slaves sung at his service.

    “No Longer Slaves”

    You unravel me with a melody
    You surround me with a song
    Of deliverance from my enemies
    ‘Til all my fears are gone

    I’m no longer a slave to fear
    I am a child of God

    From my mother’s womb
    You have chosen me
    Love has called my name
    I’ve been born again into your family
    Your blood flows through my veins

    I’m no longer a slave to fear
    I am a child of God

    I am surrounded
    By the arms of the father
    I am surrounded
    By songs of deliverance

    We’ve been liberated
    From our bondage
    We’re the sons and the daughters
    Let us sing our freedom

    You split the sea
    So I could walk right through it
    My fears were drowned in perfect love
    You rescued me
    And I will stand and sing
    I am a child of God.

    Yes, I am
    I am a child of God
    I am a child of God
    Yes, I am
    I am a child of God
    Full of faith
    Yes, I am a child of God
    I am a child of God

    I’m no longer a slave to fear
    I am a child of God

    Janet Mentgen, beloved founder of Healing Touch, encouraged all Healing Touch students and practitioners to “Just do the work!” Her personal goal was to have each human on earth bring light with every step that we walk. What gift. We can just follow the energy. We do not have to worry that we are doing it wrong. Hallelujah!

    I am so honored to have spent these two days with my friend Norleen and these other brave women. May all be no longer slaves to fear….

  • Dr. Flamm

    Sacred Stories

    He had finally been able to see a doctor and he now had a diagnosis and a prescription, but he was incarcerated and denied pain medication. He knew people in prison often faked pain to get drugs, but he knew this pain was real.

    He continued to report severe discomfort. He finally saw a neurosurgeon who concurred with the original diagnosis but clarified that his was a nerve sheath tumor. Surgery was too risky for this doctor to consider but he made a referral to another neurosurgeon who had experience with this procedure.

    He felt such relief just being seen by someone who validated the pain he had been experiencing for so long. This surgeon had been trained by the man who developed the procedure that could help.

    Desiring to learn more about the procedure, he asked for the name of the doctor this surgeon had trained under.

    “Eugene S. Flamm, M.D.”

    He instantly recognized the gift in all of the unfolding over the past year, everything having led to this connection. His last name is also Flamm!

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Stanley Steemer

    Sacred Stories

    The carpet cleaning company her husband had called days ago had still not returned his call. They needed to get the carpet in the house they just purchased before moving stuff in from their current home to get it staged. Expressing her angst, the man they purchased the new home from told her he had an estimate from someone who was working at the home of a neighbor a few weeks earlier.

    Placing a call to Stanley Steemer she referenced that estimate and explained the circumstances.

    The carpet cleaning was scheduled for late that same day! Schooled to always note the name of the person in case of any future questions regarding the service, she asked the name of the woman who was helping her.

    They were both surprised and delighted to discover they had the same first and middle name—even spelled the exact same way!

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Shadow Work

    Just as we now have a new address, so my brother-in-love, Jim, also has a new address. Jim was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer this past November. Although a very difficult time, he and his family found gifts tucked inside the days. He passed from this life today about 5:00 am.

    I am choosing to hold on to what I know to be real: within every experience I have the opportunity to learn love. This is brought home by a very stressful interaction with our granddaughter who is here visiting. You could say she is 18 going on 40, if you know what I mean.
    I remember the day her mom and grandpa and I were riding with her soon after she got her driving permit. As we came into the subdivision the back way she was not quite up on two wheels, but she was for sure going way too fast. “Slow down!” yelled her mom.

    “I know what I am doing!” she shot back.

    “You are going way too fast,” her grandpa added.

    In a voice sounding more calm than my innards felt I said simply the truth, “Between your mom and your grandpa and me we have about 120 years of driving experience. You may not be mature enough to admit it but we are a better judge of your driving right now than you are.”

    Last night she stepped way over our boundary when she came in at 3:00 am. I do not know where she really was all that time or what she was doing but I do know that her “attitude” is a pattern of behavior she has played out with her mom many times before.

    We miss seeing what is obvious to others because that is the nature of shadow work.

    My brother-in-love was changed dramatically during this journey with cancer. He learned to laugh easily and he helped others do the same. Just last Sunday when he asked his wife for nail scissors she cautioned him to be careful with them. He has been very shaky. He took the scissors and then feigned a dangerously shaky hand before their eyes met and they both giggled.

    My granddaughter and her mom and I may not be ready to tease and laugh easily about our parts in all of this but we will all feel better as we can.

    William Arthur Ward said to make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; and to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.

    My granddaughter is only 18. My brother-in-law was past 70. We have time….

  • Dental Floss

    Sacred Stories

    Sunday was the first night she spent in her new home. Awake Monday at 3:30 am her mind went to all the unpacking still needing to be done. She got up and quietly worked in the master bathroom as her husband slept in the adjacent bedroom. Sorting the significant assortment of sample-sized dental floss her eyes landed on one very unusual one.

    Her breath stopped. Tears of joy trickled down her cheeks.

    Her very dear friend had just given birth to a baby girl late Saturday night. This was an especially significant birth since this mom had a twin daughter live only three-and-one-half days 20 months prior.

    At 8:28 am, the new mom sent her a text message, “How was night #1?”

    “I could ask you the same thing!” she responded. “Mine was good, but short. I resisted the urge to send a text message to you at 4:00 am while I was up organizing the master bathroom and found this:”

    “LOL. I was up!”

    This precious new baby girl’s name is Iris!

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • We Are Moved!

    I have had some long days and short nights the past couple of weeks, but we are moved! Here is my poem about all of that I wrote for the last Pine Island Poetry group:

    A Week’s Lifetime
    I. I’ve slept in my bed in this house the last Sunday of my life. The scent of long-past passion still lingers in my nose. The waterbed gave way to a California mattress. The headboard frame with the drawers underneath replaced by a rich Cherry poster bed that stands tall enough I can store the massage table underneath.
    II. This is the last Monday morning I will wake up in this house. Approximately 83,216 Monday mornings I’ve sat here looking east. Thousands of times I’ve watched the shadows grow long, had the sun in my eyes, and marveled at the rain pelting the window.
    III. More than two decades of pulling out of the driveway on Tuesday mornings heading to Still Waters. Sitting in the grapevine rocking chair in front of the sliding glass door looking at the majestic oak tree. Remembering that day I realized one of the women in the library was someone I had carried a deep grudge against, Forgiveness was unnecessary as the truth of how perfectly her role orchestrated divine will in my life set my heart free.
    IV. Working in Kalamazoo on Wednesdays, traveling enough to always keep my makeup bag packed, finding it easier to live out of my overnight bag than to realize some culturally-demanded essential was where I wasn’t. Years of driving into the sun on the way over Wednesday mornings and driving into the sun on the way back Thursday evenings.
    V. So many trips to Tennessee, watching grandkids grow up, remembering moments and milestones and many miles. We always left on Thursdays. Brad is married now, almost a year. Adam is a firefighter. My thoughts were also of Adam as I watched the first responders last Friday morning trying desperately to give my new neighbor one more day or week or month or year. Quite forgetful, she would introduce herself to me every time I stopped in at the new house. “I’m Katey,’ she would say, “I’ve lived here 33 years. It’s the best place I’ve ever lived. You’re going to love it here….” Adam arrived the day we moved in. Granddaughter, Courtney, will be here on Friday.
    VI. Friday night used to be date night. We would have the house all to ourselves. We’d make love in front of the fireplace, dozing off afterwards. I remember once having an ear print on the inside of my thigh. The nostalgia of leaving this house is not just about brick and mortar or years gone by. Moving makes us remember what really matters. We buried Spanky here. So many times I felt the weight of that cat on my chest long after his ashes were way out back.
    VII. Saturday morning Jehovah’s Witness visits, regular until the day John said, “Oh, yes, we are believers. My wife is an interfaith minister….” It’s funny how ritualistic our lives can become. Weeks and years and decades look so much like their predecessors, yet nothing truly remains the same. Next Monday morning I will wake up in my same bed, between my favorite bamboo sheets, having listened to 2002 Land of Forever. While my bed won’t be at 4230 Lincoln, part of my history will be.
    VIII. It’s a new beginning at 1153 West Glenlord Road, Lot 84…
    Debra Basham 7/24/17 (WC 544)

    This week I held baby Iris for the first time, stained and varnished a desktop, made my first risotto, and it absolutely amazes me that I can feel right at home somewhere other than where I felt right at home for the past 40 years. I trust that means this is the next right step….