Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: sciaticia

  • Essence

    We are enjoying wonderful weather here on Pine Island. Whether the weather is pleasant or unpleasant, John and I continue to navigate some challenging physical stuff.

    John started with planting a mum early November in Michigan’s hard autumn ground. Stepping on the shovel with his right leg, he felt a pop in his low back. Three chiropractic sessions, a TENS unit, and exercises could not prevent our long drive times from Michigan to Tennessee and from Tennessee to Florida from pushing him over the edge. Fast forward to this week:


    I am having some sort of chronic sinus stuff. Interestingly, my friend (who did not know about this) sent an article titled “Marvels of Mucus and Phlegm.”

    It is challenging to not feel discouraged.

    A couple of days ago problems with some Amazon Web Services cloud servers were causing slow loading or failures for significant chunks of the internet. Our Alexa device stopped working. Everything looked right at the configuration level, but nothing I did brought her back online. Later, when Alexa came back online, we could still not access Amazon Music Unlimited.

    Add to this a new app for TV here in Florida. Hmmmm, you know about teaching old dogs new tricks, right? We are struggling big time with that.

    I said to John, “This house is too quiet!!!”

    True confession. Those words have never come out of my mouth before.

    I miss his music.

    I miss putting together thousands of puzzle pieces as he is playing his guitar and I am (badly) singing along with him.

    I miss him being out-and-about gabbing.

    I miss the way we have historically lived life here.

    We have both realized the profound fact that a lot has changed.

    John’s brother, Jerry, passed in September. John will not be hanging out with Jerry for his normal two-days-per-week-off-island this January, February, and March. Also, John’s long-time musician friend, Walt, sold his place here on Pie Island after Walt’s wife passed in September.

    Big changes.

    I am currently the one to go to the store, the pharmacy, the store, the pharmacy; the pharmacy, the store, the pharmacy. The other day, the pharmacy tech at CVS was having a really bad day. She used the “F” word, and she cried.

    We are not alone living through these stressful times.

    Yesterday I had the privilege of transcribing my (marvels of mucus) friend’s private session with Barbara Brodsky. Here is a brief excerpt:

    You said you’ve been – I don’t remember who – you said you’ve been listening to some of these teachers. I am looking at the questions.

    Adyashanti – alright, he is very rooted in the true self, and I don’t know the 30 specific pointers and “practices” but I would imagine they must be pointers toward remembering and resting in the true self.

    I am glad you are doing that. That’s perfect.

    My true self is way beyond the mucus. John’s true self is much more than sciatica pain.

    For sure, everything is a reminder of how we are giving meaning to our experiences. I drew an Osho card this morning. 7 of Water. Projections. The last lines: And there are as many worlds as there are minds, because every mind lives in its own world.

    Grandson Brad checked in with us last evening. He suggested John tally his highest level of well-being each day. Rather than using a pain scale to see his lows, what was he able to do/enjoy/achieve today?

    A couple of evenings ago, after some lateral leg pulls and a few minutes on the makeshift inversion table John was able to walk upright. He looked like someone with a book on their head, as proud as punch!

    A suggestion from my friend’s reading: I want you to find that infinite source of love, that essence of love which you are…

    And from Adyashanti: Essence isn’t a small thing, essence is an immense thing. The essence of you is everything you ever see, taste, touch, and experience. Everywhere you go, every step you take, every breath you take is actually happening by the essence, of the essence, in the essence, and to the essence.

    The marvel of mucus and the severity of sciatica are both happening in the essence….

  • This Time Tomorrow

    For, although it is true that fear and despair can overwhelm us,
    hope cannot be purchased with the refusal to feel.

    ~Susan Griffin

    “This time tomorrow” drifts through my head like lyrics to a song I am singing but have never heard. An internet search brought a song by that name by The Kinks.

    This time tomorrow, where will we be?
    On a spaceship somewhere sailing across an empty sea?
    This time tomorrow, where will we be?
    This time tomorrow, what will we see?
    This time tomorrow

    This time tomorrow

    This time tomorrow we should be on 31 South….

    It is not easy to organize, pack, load, drive, drive, drive, unload, unpack.

    It is a lot…

    It is a lot like life.

    John has been down with sciatica pain. He has not been able to get the leaves up. He has not been able to bike or walk. He has been quite uncomfortable…. I know readers understand. The greatest discomfort has been standing still. So grateful he has been able to sit comfortably and he can drive.

    My OCD (obsessive compulsive Debra) leanings have served me well. Other than our toiletries and clothes for the week in Tennessee with Stacey and the kids, and freezer and fridge stuff, and John’s guitar, I have most everything loaded into the van already. Bikes will get loaded on the rack this afternoon. Larry Gunter will help me load the coolers tonight or tomorrow if I need him to.

    Two months ago yesterday, was John’s brother’s birthday.

    Interestingly, the previous sciatica flare John experienced was related to the passing of his brother, Jim….

    I continue to be affected profoundly by meeting folks from IANDS. This is the group for those who have had near death or other spiritually transformative experiences. The International Association for Near-Death Studies associated with the academic field founded in 1981.

    Someone said if you are afraid of death, hang around people who can literally say, “Been there, done that.”

    The opening quote from “Today’s Gift” is: Trust one who has gone through it.

    We have all gone through it. We have lived through the “year of firsts.”

    My next post might be after Thanksgiving so I will close with this link to an article about how often feathers, butterflies, rainbows, and electronics are just a few of the 11 Signs a Deceased Loved One is Visiting.

  • Emerald Isle Musings

    WORD FOR THE DAY

    We did not ask for this room or this music;
    we were invited in.

    Therefore, because the dark surrounds us,
    let us turn our faces toward the light.

    Let us endure hardship
    to be grateful for plenty…

    We did not ask for this room or this music.

    But because we are here,
    let us dance.

    ~ Stephen King
    (visit GRATEFULNESS.ORG)

    The closing “circle” for the 2020 Emerald Isle meditation retreat was—like the entire week—happening on ZOOM.

    The title of the retreat was “Deepening Practice in Challenging Times.”

    While I had planned to use the week letting go of the stress of the past month of Pandemic and Post-Mold-Remediation experience (see my previous posts), at the last minute, I became Debra the Deva-in-Demand, functioning as the ZOOM co-host/moderator for the week.

    Note* I have no previous experience hosting a group on ZOOM.

    A difficulty with the platform is how to effectively experience group chanting. We are still working on that….

    Although I did not ask for this room, or this music, I was there, so I danced. The ZOOM room was welcoming, the messy music was magical, and I was so blessed to serve.

    Adding an intricate layer of dance moves to our virtual/residential retreat is the fact that our beloved teacher, Barbara Brodsky, is deaf. Our beloved co-teacher, John Orr, did a lot of simultaneous speaking while finger-signing for Barbara, including an entire dharma talk! Volunteers did much typing into the chat box, and I was often directing Barbara via closed-caption. A retreat moto might have been, “Slow down, slow down… a little bit slower, please.”

    The Pali term, Katavedi, is related to gratefully giving as a result of having fully received.

    The one who is grateful (kataññu) helps in return (katavedi).

    For the closing circle, we gathered at the appointed time, and one-by-one people let me know when ready to share. That person’s face would be spotlighted, their words (which had been emailed to me) would be shared on the screen. Each person (sometimes tearfully) would read. Here are my closing words:

    There were some rough spots with the technology of this retreat. Contraction, grasping, wanting to help. I am totally new to hosting ZOOM. Patty and Tana and I had a crash course last week. Tana received more than a few SOS messages. WE did the best we could. Not at all easy, but so much learning! We will do better next time.

    Additionally, two friends are in ICU on ventilators with COVID-19. I have had my phone and email active this week to host ZOOM. I am grateful to have been available to both of these families. Ordinarily, my phone and email would not have been checked at all during the week of retreat.

    My husband, John, had sciatica so severely at the start of the week he could barely walk from the bed to the bathroom. At the end of each night, I would do reflexology for him.

    John Orr spoke of katavedi, which is giving back from that place of appreciation and gratitude.

    This week I have been giving back. We could never ask for better teachers.

    I have infinite love and gratitude for Barbara, and John, Aaron, The Mother, Jeshua, Father John… LOVE, and for each of you, my brothers and sisters of light.

    I could write a book titled “SNAFU” related to the ambitious decision to offer a week-long, silent, residential retreat with people safe-sheltering at home, but the difficulties did not diminish the benefits.

    Most participants were surprised, pleased, and affected by their first residential retreat at home.

    Writing this, my heart sank as I realized Rita asked me to share for her, and I forgot to do that. Here are her loving words of gratitude: It was an honor to participate in the retreat with each and every one of you. The strong feeling of connection with so many, most of whom I had never “met” before, was so warming and affirming. I want to thank Aaron, Barbara and John for sharing their wisdom, personal stories, encouragement and Love. I truly feel blessed to have had the opportunity to be in the presence of such skillful loving teachers. Namaste’

    We practice where we are. Where we are is in social-isolation. This bird on the shrub is outside my virtual “meditation hall” window:

    Iris shared a Terry Tempest Williams poem (also one of my favorites): “Once upon a time, when women were birds, there was the simple understanding that to sing at dawn and to sing at dusk was to heal the world through joy. The birds still remember what we have forgotten, that the world is meant to be celebrated.”

    The world—even the current pandemic world—is meant to be celebrated. Even in social isolation, we are never alone. LOVE is always with us.

    And so LOVE must have the final “going home” instructions:

    YOU are LOVE. That essence of you can never be destroyed.

    It can be hidden.
    Let it out!

    It can be forgotten.
    Reawaken it!

    I want friends to dance with me in the garden of LOVE.

    You are so special and beautiful—each of you. The millions of beings on this earth who had the courage to incarnate, to move past old, limiting habit patterns of fear, and remember the essence of LOVE. This is what your practice is for.

    I want to thank you for giving this week of your time to this practice.

    Giving and receiving…. giving and receiving…. giving and receiving.

    My heart to your heart.

    I love you.