Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: sacred

  • Radical Noticing

    How do we see the world as sacred again?
    By radical noticing.
    Looking for awe in all of life.

    ~ Lucy Jones posted on Gratefulness.org July 12, 2023

    Yesterday riding my bike I was inundated by awareness of the propensity to criticism. John’s clothes, the way someone says something, the decadent use of disposable bottles of water, the literal interpretation of the Bible, the killing of native grasses and planting of invasive species…. the list is endless.

    I long to see the world as sacred again.

    The world does not need to change for that to happen, but my consciousness does.

    The past few weeks I have been Zoom hosting a gathering of beings present with our meditation teacher, Barbara Brodsky. She is navigating a serious infection which got into the bone in her toe. After months of not being able to bear weight, and 9 weeks on antibiotics, she is in the wait-and-see if the infection is gone mode. Expressing that she was feeling some fear around all of this, the gathering of those willing to be with her was born.

    Barbara has spoken of our intention as “one foot for all” and “one heart for all.”

    Barbara’s closing comments Sunday, July 9, 2023:

    As I was talking with Aaron earlier this week and I was still meditating with the fear and concern about a possible amputation, he said is there any need to explore that reality of an amputation.

    I said no, but it could happen so I have to be prepared.

    He said being prepared doesn’t mean looking at the possible amputation. It means just watching fear as it comes up and knowing how to relate to that fear with love, but if you go into practicing having equanimity with a possible amputation, in some ways you are bringing energy to inviting the amputation. If instead, you simply practice loving kindness toward anything, even the mosquito bite, the thunder, whatever has disturbed your environment, just practicing love and continue to envision the perfectly healed foot.

    Last week a friend shared a body of work titled “How to Turn Your Client’s Negative Emotions into Positive Growth,” presented by Charles M. Jones. While it was not totally new information, I did have a very strong insight about the fear around managing John’s medical issues. Charles contrasts what he calls the “circumstantial view” with the “effectiveness view” of difficult emotions. The emotion we were working with was frustration. I was identifying the frustration around most of John’s complaints being the side-effects of medications: low energy, little stamina, lethargy.

    Following his process, I gained the insight that hidden beneath the surface frustration with all the medications was the concern of loss of financial independence if John would become disabled and need long-term care!

    From my journal this morning:

      V: Being prepared is fueled by fear. Notice now the thought about losing one’s money because of long-term care. Find that sweet spot of being guided in love verses being driven by fear.

    While we were in the meditation with Barbara on Sunday I kept seeing the image of an icicle. I saw aspects including the conditions which led to the formation, and both the beauty and the possible destruction. Later I read that the symbolic meaning of icicle is TEMPORARY DIFFICULTIES.

    As I visited with a friend recently we spoke of our longing to see the world as sacred. We have both navigated so much…. we share a legacy of shame.

    On the back cover of the book by Jenna Blum, one short sentence speaks volumes: “Those Who Save Us is a profound exploration of what we endure to survive and the legacy of shame.”

    Very near the end of the book the main character, Trudy (a German), is stunned that a man she has recently found such happiness and bliss with, Ranier (a Jew), is leaving. She begs him to tell her why and suggests reason after reason which in her own mind it might be. Finally, he speaks the saddest words in the world, “I do not deserve to have this. I am not meant to be this happy.”

    Trudy knew she could not argue with him because she knew that feeling all too well.

    Whoa….

    Looking again at Ken Wilber’s 3-2-1 process, I wonder if that is the key to our seeing the world as sacred. Maybe this is what allows us to see that it is all sacred. It already IS sacred. Perhaps we must do the shadow work and bring it all into the heart.

    These steps are summarized as FACE-TALK-BE and here’s how the
    technique is explained in Wilber’s little instruction book, The Integral
    Vision    : (See: 3-2-1 Process for the Shadow pdf)

      1. First thing in the morning (before getting out of bed), review your
      dreams and find someone who showed up with an emotional charge,
      positive or negative.
      2. FACE that person, holding them in mind.
      3. Then TALK to that person, or simply resonate with them.
      4. Finally BE that person by taking their perspective. For the sake of this
      exercise there is no need to write anything out—you can go through
      the whole process right in your mind.
      5. Before going to bed, choose a person who either disturbed or
      attracted you during the day. FACE them, TALK to them, and then BE
      them.

      This technique can be used not only with people who bring up an emotional
      charge, but also with situations and memories that create a disturbance.

    The same six letters make up both words.
    S C A R E D
    S A C R E D

    Whoa….

    This is the format of our time together with Barbara Brodsky on these Sunday noon gatherings: “We express our gratitude for the opportunity to come together as a group. We hold this highest intention not only for ourselves, but for the benefit of all. May all be blessed. May all be free from suffering. May all be healthy. May all be happy. May all feel joy. May all beings realize their intrinsic perfection and find perfect peace. Namaste’”

    I think I will add “May all see the world as sacred.”

  • A New Home

    This morning as I am so grateful for making time to get my fingers on the keyboard as my “to-do-list” grows longer and my time-table grows shorter. I notice how relevant that is to all those who are in their later years. I have lived 67 years, and in this body probably do not have 67 more. We have our home of 40 years scheduled to go onto the market today and have purchased an 1120 square foot home in a 55 and over park literally right around the corner. The simultaneity of the sacred and the mundane dancing across the moments we call time have my eyes leaking and my heart aching in its perfection….

    As we paint, clean, pack, (See Garage Floor!) we witness miracle upon miracle in the journey of John’s brother, Jim, who is journeying through metastatic cancer. From the ease and timing of finding of our new home to a vivid pray without ceasing demonstration the lines blur between now and then, here and there, alive and dead, mortal and immortal.

    We are living Harry Chapin’s Circle song. I hope you will take time to listen.

    As I have said before, we are living a charmed life. Last evening we said goodbye to an antique china cabinet that had sat in our kitchen for 25 years. It belongs to a friend, Doris. We kept it for her when she went through a divorce and had no place for it. That cabinet had belonged to her grandmother. There is now floor space in my kitchen, and I can feel my mother smiling to see her carnival glass gleaming in the light of our new home.

    Yesterday afternoon my yoga teacher and another friend met me at the new house for yoga. We offered gratitude for Ursel, the woman who had made that house her home for 31 years. We reminded ourselves we were on holy ground. After I packed each piece of glassware carefully in washcloths (no need to wash the dishes like you have to if you pack them in newspaper) John brought his guitar and played and sang as they were moved into the built-in china cabinet at the new house. Every action is intimate with thoughts and prayers regarding Jim and the unfolding of our shared destiny. The best way to share this holy thought is to let you read a journal entry by Krista Meyer, Jim’s daughter, posted about 7:00 pm Saturday, the 4th of July, 2017.

    Blessings

    Sometimes God just surprises you with an unexpected miracle.

    After nearly 48 hours of not being able to speak or communicate with anyone, Dad suddenly started talking this afternoon! Kurt and Heather and Sam and Ben were here, along with Uncle Jerry and Aunt Jeanne, Uncle John, and some of our kids. We had an amazing time of talking and laughing and visiting! I’ve attached one of the videos I took of Dad talking to our nephew, Craig, and Hannah and Jonny.

    I sent this message to my cousin:

    Everyone else left and I was sitting in the room with mom and dad. Mom went over to Dad’s bed and said, “I’m so proud of you! Are you proud of me too?” Dad replied, “Yeah!” Mom asked why he was proud of her and he said, “Because you’re the best wife in the world!”

    I can’t get over what a huge miracle this is. Over the past couple of days, my heart was hurting for him because I wondered if he had things he wanted to say to mom, especially, but hadn’t said them before he lost the chance. And mom said this morning when she went home for a bit, she had a meltdown and was telling God she missed hearing Dad’s voice and wished she could hear him talk again. She came back an hour later and he was talking!

    However long it lasts, whatever lies ahead, we are thanking God for this amazingly wonderful gift. Trying to remember to carve our blessings in marble and write our trials in sand. ❤️

    Once in a while, we witness what has been there all along. The blessings we carve in stone today are of a new home and moments of life spent with those we love. Rabbits hop in my backyard now. May rabbits hop in the yard at the new house, too.

    Here are the lyrics to Harry Chapin’s Circle:
    All my life’s a circle;
    Sunrise and sundown;
    Moon rolls through the nighttime;
    ‘Til the daybreak comes around.
    All my life’s a circle;
    But I can’t tell you why;
    Season’s spinning round again;
    The years keep rollin’ by.
    It seems like I’ve been here before;
    I can’t remember when;
    But I have this funny feeling;
    That we’ll all be together again.
    No straight lines make up my life;
    And all my roads have bends;
    There’s no clear-cut beginnings;
    And so far no dead-ends.
    I found you a thousand times;
    I guess you done the same;
    But then we lose each other;
    It’s like a children’s game;
    As I find you here again;
    A thought runs through my mind;
    Our love is like a circle;
    Let’s go ’round one more time.
    I found you a thousand times;
    I guess you done the same;
    But then we lose each other;
    It’s like a children’s game;
    Songwriters: Harry Chapin
    Circle lyrics © Harry Chapin Foundation

  • Old Enough

    Do you remember wanting to be old enough for kindergarten? Old enough to stay home alone? Old enough to babysit? Old enough to drive a car? Old enough to vote or drink?

    Remember when you thought forty was old?

    One of the best things about age is its relativity. I was mother to a 3-year old. My nephew was riding in the car with me. “Aunt Deb, you could pass.”

    Looking around, I saw no other vehicles, “I could pass what?” I asked.

    Motioning to my hands on the steering wheel, he said, “You could pass for a teenager.”

    I was 19!

    Do you remember the Ivory liquid commercial with the teenager and her middle-aged mom comparing hands? In that commercial, the mom’s hands could pass for those of a teenager because she used the correct dishwashing soap!

    I am now old enough to know my hands could not pass for those of a teenager.

    I’m glad.

    I sometimes miss seeing my younger self in the mirror. I am surprised by the crepey skin.

    I’m glad I’m old enough for more important things.

    I’m old enough to choose comfortable shoes.

    Remember the pointed-toe spiked-heels?

    I am old enough to value women friends.

    Gone are the days of blowing off our girlfriends because we got asked out by a boy.

    Old enough to be honest about what we want. That was quite an adjustment.

    “No, I’m really not comfortable with thus and so; given the choice this is what I’d do or where I’d go.”

    I remember the summer morning in 1995: robins singing, sun streaming through the window. I sat on the sofa and I knew—with every fiber of my being—I was going to spend the winter in Tennessee bonding with our new grandchild who was due in October. “I am going to go to Tennessee for the winter,” I later told my husband, “I hope you can get your ducks in a row so you are able to go with me.”

    Gloria is in her 90’s. Buried her son when he was in his 50s. She says about that, “By far the hardest thing I’ve done.”

    Nancy’s in her 80s. She takes her therapy dog to hospitals and schools three days a week and still maintains her house and garden.

    I’m not yet 70, but I’m old enough. Caroline Myss writes, “But now I feel that I have reached that age where I can speak more openly about the hidden realm, mysticism, and the wonders of all things holy and Sacred.”

    I am old enough to know I would rather be close than right. I would rather be honest than accepted.

    I am old enough to know that just because not everyone one talks to dead people doesn’t mean I am crazy because I do. After all, I don’t just talk to them, they talk to me.

    And I am old enough to know we don’t have to agree to agree to be kind and compassionate.

    Ah, yes, old enough for that….

    1/15/2017 ~ Debra Basham