Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: ode to letting go

  • Break Your Heart No Longer

    Here in the US today we are celebrating Thanksgiving Day.

    Last evening was a day of giving thanks in my heart as we shared time and great food with our daughter and son-in-love (Stacey and Doug), grandson and granddaughter-in-love (Brad and Christina), grandson and girl-friend-in-love (Adam and Rachael), granddaughter and great-grandson (Courtney and Jackson). Last year at this time we were navigating the shock of Jackson’s seizures and last night he was climbing up and down on the Little Tikes slide that will be a Christmas gift.

    One of the women at meditation on Tuesday morning shared this beautiful quotation:

    My beloved child, break your heart no longer.

    Each time you judge yourself, you break your heart.

    You pull away from the love that is the well-spring of your vitality.

    But now the time has come, your time, to live

    and to trust the goodness that you are…

    ~ Adapted from the teachings of Bapu-ji- as shared by kirpal venanji

    This speaks deeply of a true sense of thanksgiving. Within every set of conditions resides the potential for kindness and wisdom. I may need to say something that is hard for another to hear, but that can be said with kindness. Wisdom inspires the words, the tone of voice, the expression in the eyes. Every aspect of being can flow from a genuine sense of compassion and strength from within the heart and mind.

    I sent that quotation to our granddaughter a couple of days ago. She is in the planning process of making a home for Jackson as a single mom and it is scary and sad and a bit overwhelming. A lot of life is that.

    But she and Jackson are well loved and as I told her last night, he will have a better opportunity to thrive wherever she thrives.

    Reading from Conscious Divorce: Ending a Marriage with Integrity, by Susan Allison, “Making the decision whether or not to leave a relationship may be the most daunting part of the divorcing process; at least it is the one filled with the most anxiety. This is partly because divorce is a choice made of our own free will, and we sense the enormity of this responsibility. Also, confusion and indecision are uncomfortable for most of us. We want this initial stage to be over, so we can move on. At the same time, we realize that our choice will affect our partners, our families, and our friends; it will be a decision we must live with all our lives. We want to choose carefully.”

    Thomas Moore writes in Soul Mates, “Divorce is not a failure of the parties to maintain their commitments, but rather, evidence of the tendency of fate to spin us in different directions.”

    He goes on to say that the ending of a relationship can be recognized and experienced as a difficult rite of passage for the soul, and a true ending, not just a defensive withdrawal, that comes about not only through decisions but also with that spinning of fate and the turning of time.

    Years ago I wrote an Ode to Letting Go:

      I will not look back at our time together and see it all as bad. I will have the courage to call it all good – our coming together and our coming apart. I will honor your memory by remembering the growth that our relationship inspired. I will not insult either of us by insisting that it could have, should have, or would have been different. It was as it was. I will use this experience to affirm the beliefs I wish to guide my life by; All things work together for good. You are free. I am free. Be with your life lightly as I am with my own. Take not from here a false belief that you or I are less than what you are: a child of the universe, whole, holy, and loveable. Be tender with yourself as you make this adjustment, just as you would be tender with a body part as it heals.

      Look into the mirror often and recall the truth – I once loved you deeply. Though the feelings have waned as the moon – your worthiness (as my own) has neither diminished nor dissipated. I will always honor your memory. I will always cherish your soul. Go in peace. Live, grow, heal, and continue on your journey. For this time of our being together as husband and wife has ended but the ties that bind our hearts in love continue – even as the love at the center of all of life continues to hold us and guide us and heal us. Amen.

    So much to be thankful for…. everything is worthy of our thanks giving. Today, I am giving thanks for each of you.

    May each sentient being break our heart no longer.

    May all beings give thanks.

    May all beings know peace.

  • Tangled Webs

    One morning I photographed an amazing web wet with the morning dew. Later that evening, I mentioned the web while at dinner with friends. My one friend grimaced, said she hated spiders, and since dinner was in the home of our mutual friend, who was also desirous for our dear friend’s fears to be gone, I launched into the process of doing a Fast Phobia Cure. The process ended with a significant statement by my friend, “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to spend my evening feeling anxious. I want to enjoy our time together.”

    “Nature’s Ways” is the name of my October Beyond Mastery Newsletter article, and it extols the skills of spiders as metaphor for life. I also have a previously post about spider’s and karma, so I won’t go into that now. But I have been reflecting this week on my desire to help my friend overcome the phobia of spiders.

    Oops…. I made a mistake. I wanted something she did not want. It was not respectful to push. We often walk the tangled web of desiring for another something the other is not desirous of. The following morning, I wrote this poem:

    Remembrance

    Dew wet the grass
    then the rains came
    will the sun come again?
    This dance of despair
    familiar like an old pair of shoes
    but far from pleasant!
    One more time
    I recall that you may not remember
    the years of faithful tending.

    Tending the garden
    removing weeds of sorrow
    so buds could grow again.
    Pulling the deep roots
    of delusion
    exposing healthy bulbs below.
    New sprouts of hopefulness
    peeking out from the soil
    rich, pungent, ready for life.

    Once I was caught in the underbrush
    too fearful to let go
    yet not willing to open to the light.
    Like a seed
    fear must be buried
    before reemerging transformed.
    Perhaps I can remember
    for you too
    as new life comes into view.

    09-03-2019

    Tangled webs are woven of fear. My feelings of sadness hanging in the air were tangled webs. My feelings of remorse were more tangled webs. My mulling over and over thinking and wishing things could have or should have been different—tangled webs.

    On June 17, 1999, I wrote An Ode to Letting Go.

    An Ode to Letting Go

    I will not look back at our time together and see it all as bad. I will have the courage to call it all good – our coming together and our coming apart. I will honor your memory by remembering the growth that our relationship inspired. I will not insult either of us by insisting that it could have, should have, or would have been different. It was as it was. I will use this experience to affirm the beliefs I wish to guide my life by; All things work together for good. You are free. I am free. Be with your life lightly as I am with my own. Take not from here a false belief that you or I are less than what you are: a child of the universe, whole, holy, and loveable. Be tender with yourself as you make this adjustment, just as you would be tender with a body part as it heals. Look into the mirror often and recall the truth – I once loved you deeply. Though the feelings have waned as the moon – your worthiness (as my own) has neither diminished nor dissipated. I will always honor your memory. I will always cherish your soul. Go in peace. Live, grow, heal, and continue on your journey. For this time of our being together has ended but the ties that bind our hearts in love continue – even as the love at the center of all of life continues to hold us and guide us and heal us. Amen.

    I cannot even recall now what the 1999 trigger for this writing was, but today, I know that what I am letting go is the weaving of tangled webs….