Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Oakwood Retreat Center

Birds at Oakwood
The 8-day silent meditation retreat will take more than one Yellow Brick Road to share with readers. Day One included 22-month old, Jackson, our great grandson, being air-lifted from the hospital in Chattanooga to Vanderbilt after he had a seizure in the parking garage following discharge.

Day Eight is complete with nurse Linda diagnosing the rash I have been plagued with all week as likely a yeast infection. I will spare you photos of that, but more about both of these strong catalysts are sure to appear at a later date….

Birds were an active part of my inner process this past week, so I will share with you their respective totem meanings in the order of their appearance:

1. Chickadee Meaning

Lots of Chickadees were in the grasses out back when I went for a short walk on dinner break of the Deep Spring Center Oakwood-at-home retreat with Barbara Brodsky and John Orr, and a host of spirit friends, as well as dharma sisters and brothers.

People with the chickadee totem animal are fiercely protective of their “flock.” This manifests itself as vigilance which can at times become excessive. It is crucial that people with this totem animal learn to recognize the difference between healthy caution and anxiety.

Chickadee tells you to be cheerful and hold your head up in all situations. You can transform your life and dictate your outcomes by thinking positively.

Click to hear the Chickadee.

2. Swan Meaning

Each day I would choose a “touch” stone. I held the swan rose quartz on Monday.

You become aware of your own inner beauty. You also unfold the ability to bridge to other realms and powers. The swan medicine helps you see the beauty of yourself as well as of others despite outer appearances. And that ability makes you like a ‘magnet’ that draws other people to you.

3. Woodpecker Meaning

The woodpecker teaches us to look beneath the surface of things and to open up our minds to the hidden meanings, lessons, and opportunities that life on earth has to offer.

4. Blue Jay Meaning

Blue Jays relate to everything from strength to confidence to communication, depending on the context in which you see them. For some, these birds have the reputation of being loud, aggressive, and mean. However, certain cultures see them as lucky or a symbol of good things to come.

5. Crow Meaning

Crows show up to let you know that there are spiritual shifts happening around you and remind you to pay attention to the spiritual messages that are sent to guide you. They represent transformation, cycles, psychic tools, and insight into unseen realms. Crows are problem solvers and can help you tune into a solution when you are faced with a challenge.

6. Sparrow Meaning

As the carillon at Pilgrim UCC church on the corner nearby began playing, the Sparrows in the shrub just outside my window began to sing right along! I noted in my retreat journal that this was happening, and clearly I heard in my mind, “Would you miss my sweet song just because I’m so ordinary?”

Surprising Sparrow facts.

The sparrow totem animal is connected with unity, selflessness, and integrity. People with the sparrow as their totem tend to be great team players…

The House Sparrow (Passer domesticus) is, in fact, one of the most common and widespread animals on this planet. Although our familiarity with these birds often desensitizes us to their beauty, these common birds are no less fascinating and beautiful.

Sacred to the goddess Aphrodite of the Greek pantheon, to Vishnu in Hindu mythology, and both Branwen and Rhiannon in Welsh mythology, the sparrow’s common nature has earned it a place in cultural traditions around the world.

7. Blue Grosbeak Meaning

Okay, the Blue Grosbeak sighting was in the wonderful article by my friend, Hart Rufe. His article posted on November 1, but I just saw it today after the end of the retreat. You can access the column at: https://www.stlucieaudubon.org/hart-beat-2022. New with this column is access to all past columns right in the top of the current page

Symbolic of many things, including faith, adaptability, romance, and good news; the grosbeak is an endless source of wisdom. Like all birds, grosbeaks teach us to appreciate the beauty and blessings of the natural world. Different grosbeak colors have different symbolic meanings. Rose feathers symbolize emotions and they tell you to find a heart song that will heal your pain. Blue and green feathers signify abundance, fortune, harmony, and the possibility of a wedding.

It is my sacred intention for that wedding to be a union of each human being with the higher self. May the benefits of this retreat be a blessing to all beings.

Thank you, Claudia Mierau, for sharing this beautiful poem from the book, Go In and In, by Danna Faulds.
November 5, 2022
Hearing, Sitting, Touching, Breathing

For those who believe, no words are necessary.
For those who do not believe, no words are possible.

~Attributed to Saint Ignatius in Think of an Elephant : Combining Science and Spirituality for a Better Life (2007) by Paul Bailey, but earlier attributed to Franz Werfel, Philippine Studies (1953) by Ateneo de Manila, p. 269; also in Everest : The Mountaineering History (2000) by Walt Unsworth, p. 100.

I spent October 6-13, 2019 at a Deep Spring meditation retreat at Oakwood Retreat Center in Selma, Indiana. Great advice on how to respond to the question if you had a good retreat is to simply smile and say, “It was Divine.”

Truly, for those who have a practice of Vipassana (mindfulness), no words are necessary. For folks who admit to being terrified by the mere mention of seven days and seven nights of silence there are no words possible to describe the depth of experience.

This is from the Deep Spring website: A meditation retreat is a wonderful opportunity to experience our own inner being while sharing in the support of others. Mindfulness throughout the day will be a focus, with alternating periods of sitting and walking practice. The retreat will be held in silence, free of conversational talking. This kind of retreat may not be appropriate for all people. If you have concerns about your emotional stability under the pressures of a deeply introspective meditation experience, please discuss your concerns prior to registering.

More specifically, this was our week’s schedule: First sitting 6:30 am. Breakfast at 7:30 am. 8:45 instruction and sitting. 10:15 walking meditation. 11:00 am sitting. Noon lunch. 2:00 sitting. 2:45 walking meditation. 4:15 various afternoon programming. 5:15 dinner. 6:30 pm evening sitting. 7:15 dharma talk. 8:30 final sitting. 9:00 rest. (It is almost incomprehensible that one could lie awake staring into the darkness much of the night after such full days, but we often did.)

The theme of this retreat was experiencing light within the darkness. Sunrises were exquisite!

We were guided to stay present with the aversion or dislike, the wanting to escape. You can hold attention skillfully with openness of heart. Being present with kind attention, you are including everything in your experience.

It was easy to see beauty within destruction on the Oakwood campus because they sustained severe wind damage a few weeks ago. The bridge between the meditation hall and the teaching space was roped off, but brave meditators ducked under the “CAUTION” tape and gingerly tiptoed across to the other side.

Breath-taking beauty resulted from branches having been cut off a pine tree.

Perhaps it is true that beauty grows up through the cracks of our pain.

People came to this retreat with genuine human burdens: incurable cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, history of abuse, addiction, loneliness, anger, sadness, grief, physical pain.

And we each sat with what we brought…. sitting in meditation is done for relief for all sentient beings.

Pain. Unpleasant. Fear.

We were instructed to understand the difference between armoring and shielding. It is very appropriate to shield. We appropriately shield without moving into a place of armoring. Shielding with physical pain might mean applying some arnica cream or taking an aspirin.

The armor does not just appear. There is a feeling ‘unsafe.’ There is a wanting to armor. There is a wanting to feel safe. There are stories made up.

On Tuesday morning I noticed I had been gently rocking back and forth as I sat in the instruction periods. I vividly remembered having done that often as a child, and even into my adulthood, to comfort myself.

“Hindrances come as stepping stones to awakenings,” our teachers assured us.

The Buddha said, “It it were not possible, I would not ask you to do it.”

I reflected about so many of the attendees sharing deep agony of their habit patterns of self-loathing and self-criticism. I wrote in my journal: Perfection is present in every stage. The perfection of an infant only capable of lying and being held. The perfection of a toddler beginning to walk. A preschooler running with abandon. Teenagers active with hormones raging. A mother walking a child to the bus. A grandmother being helped to walk down the street. Every age has its inherent beauty.

I was given this focus for my practice: “You love so deeply. You support so many. But you often ask, ‘Did I do enough? Could I have done more?’Spend this week really feeling what it is to truly cherish yourself. You are enough. Cherish yourself.”

Thursday afternoon we had darshan with the Mother. There were very few words spoken. I wrote these down.

What if there were no right or wrong?

You are loved. You don’t have to earn that love.

You carry family karma. You did not cause it, but you must tend to it because you carry it.

I wrote in my journal: I set my intention for total relief of the karma of sexual guilt.

People found ways to skillfully process the heavy emotions. Like this art on the table in the dining hall:

I wrote a haiku.

Shadow Haiku

Stink bug in window
Its shadow toys with my mind
Are there one or two?

Who leads? Who follows?
Shadow looms larger than life
Illusion brings fear

Lips curl in a smile
Such games the light plays with me
I let myself play

Bees buzz and birds fly
Butterflies flit and then land
So brief their sweet lives

Does some distant God
Watch with curiosity
As I move through life

Perhaps we are all
Light and shadow just dancing
Nothing ever dies

Debra Basham
10/08/2019
Oakwood Retreat

I wrote “Am I Enlightened” and shared it at the campfire when we were invited to share about our week:

Am I Enlightened?

Many people have said I’m the most enlightened human being they’ve met. I don’t know what enlightenment is.

Am I enlightened because I think to close the door softly when my roommate is sleeping? Or when I pick up a piece of trash remembering the day the sheet of paper was sucked off the front seat of my van while I was driving on the highway leaving me with no way to retrieve it?

Am I enlightened when I taste the soil and the sun, and the sweat from the hands of the laborer, and the smoke from the cigarette held by the yellow-stained fingers of the delivery man on the bread I toasted dark brown and slathered with jam?

Am I enlightened because I celebrate like a 2-year-old every time I poop? Am I enlightened because I find no satisfaction in getting even or getting done?

Am I enlightened because I have felt a baby’s birth and an elder’s death and I know they are the same?

Am I enlightened because I crawl into bed at night saying, “I love my bed,” humbled knowing based on national reports, it’s estimated that no less than 150 million people, or about 2 percent of the world’s population, are homeless, and about 1.6 billion, more than 20 percent of the world’s population, may lack adequate housing?

Am I enlightened because unloading silverware from the dishwasher and putting it into the drawer, I hear the bell that rings calling us to meditation when I am on retreat?

Am I enlightened because I remember I am walking on the home of ants and moths and moles as I walk across the grass still wet from the morning dew?

Am I enlightened because I heard Ella tell me hers was a perfect incarnation for someone who desired to feel loved and wanted every second of their life as I was making the hour drive to be at the hospital to baptize her knowing a baby born with anencephaly might be stillborn or survive only a few hours to a few days after birth?

Am I enlightened? I do not say I am for I know wisdom and kindness and ignorance and cruelty and I know I am none other than All That Is.

Debra Basham
10-11-2019
Oakwood Retreat

October 14, 2019
Hey Ma Durga

I wrote this poem a few days ago while I at the 2018 Deep Spring Meditation Center retreat at Oakwood Retreat Center.

Vipassana

V-vast are the stories
I-incessant the grasping, clinging, and aversion
P-passing away; what passes away
A-and where does “it” go?
S-Silence, stillness, smiling or sometimes sobbing
S-Sitting, stepping, satiating
A-Ananda, Hey Ma Durga, Hey Ma Durga
N-no ‘I”, no “you”, no “here”, no “there”
A-all of as sudden after all of these lifetimes

Settling back in to ordinary life after retreat is always a bit challenging. Walking back from the dining hall following our last breakfast I was asking how to keep this retreat mindfulness at home. A voice within began to speak.

Think about a firefighter. How different the conditions at home on a Saturday morning enjoying blueberry pancakes with the family from being at the fire hall waiting for a call, or dashing to the fire truck when a call comes in, or pulling a body from a mangled vehicle. Has the firefighter changed? No. Different conditions house different mindfulness.

I am sure you will be hearing more about the retreat as the weeks unfold, but for today, I am moved to introduce you to Anandamayi Ma, a 20th Century Indian Saint. I first heard her name when John Orr shared the following quotation.

“My consciousness has never associated itself with this temporary body. Before I came in this earth, I was the same. As a little girl, I was the same. I grew into womanhood, but I was still the same. When the family In which I had been born made arrangements to have this body married, I was the same… And, in front of you now, I am the same. Ever afterward, though the dance of creation change around me in the hall of eternity, I shall be the same.”

The central theme of all her words and expressions is this: Life and religion are one. All that you do to maintain your life, your everyday work and play, all your attempts to earn a living, should be done with sincerity, love and devotion, with a firm conviction that true living means virtually perfecting one’s spiritual existence in tune with the universe. To bring about this synthesis, religious culture should be made as natural and easy as taking our food and drink when we are hungry and thirsty.

An ecstatic child of ecstatic parents, she became a famous saint who like many other female Indian saints stood on the edge of several religious traditions, and in the midst of none. When we chanted “Hey Ma Durga,” something deep and familiar flowed black into my soul. I hope I am forever able to live her message of everyday mindfulness.

My heart was touched deeply by my retreat time. So, as I left the room I had shared with Claudia for eight days, this is how I left my bed linens on the bed.

October 16, 2018
Retreat Reminiscence – Friday

Phenomenal Retreat is the review of Oakwood Retreat Center in the fall of 2015.

Oakwood Retreat Center is a wonderful property, and one of my most sweet memories is hearing the migrating song birds as they gathered in the woods near the meditation hall.

Being able to spend time in nature is one of the gifts of retreat. I hope you are enjoying nature this week, too.

October 12, 2018
Jesus Loves Me!

Twenty years ago, the Friday after Thanksgiving, I ended my formal relationship with the organized Christian church. It would be too simplistic to say that happened over the curriculum of the Sunday school class I was getting ready to teach. A contributing factor for sure was pain related to a friend’s death from AIDS, and the ongoing fighting about homosexuality within the denomination.

For the most part, I did not miss being part of a church. I found community among wonderful, loving, spiritual people. I enjoyed the Friends of Silence meditation group. The interfaith experience nourished me deeply. I saw God everywhere. My ordination as a Minister of Reunion allowed me to be in ministry to many people who might have otherwise felt cut off from God/Source/Creator/the Universe. Not having a formal tie to a church was simply the next right step in my spiritual development.

What to do about my relationship with Jesus was not quite as simple. The question would come up for me from time to time, and many mystical experiences resulted. Sitting at Stillwaters in meditation I once heard Jesus’ voice chastising me, “Debra, why do you hold me accountable for what people say I said. You know my heart.”

My first time staying on Pine Island in Florida I was driving to a meditation off-island with the intention of making peace with my relationship with Jesus. In front of me was a car driven by a couple who were making out. They were barely driving 20 MPH, on the two lane road where safely passing is not very probable. Very frustrated about being stuck behind them and anxious about being late for the meditation, I totally missed my answer.

It was only after arriving at the mediation, walking into the meditation hall, and seeing a life-size cardboard cutout of Jesus in the corner of the room that my mind flashed back to that car. In huge letters, spread across the back of that station wagon, were the words JESUS LOVES YOU, not just in English, but also in Spanish!

That was the perfect answer to my question. My love for Jesus was born with the children singing Jesus Loves Me in church. I was five years old, and my two older sisters and I had gone to Sunday school. The children were already gathered and singing as we found our way. I knew instantly that song meant Jesus loved me, Debbie Smith. I drew comfort and strength and peace and wisdom from that truth. So making peace with this meaningful relationship was—well, meaningful.

A few weeks after my encounter with the Jesus-loving make-out station wagon, my friend Pamela Chappell was singing at Unity of Fort Myers. I stayed out in the bookstore at the table where Pamela’s CDs were for sale, and she saved me a seat in the sanctuary. I ended up seated directly in front of this portrait of what some call the surfer Jesus. I mention some of that experience in a 2012 blog post: “How to Argue About Jesus“.

This past winter, I got another opportunity to receive the assurance of Jesus’ love from yet another evangelical vehicle:

While at Oakwood on retreat in October 2016, things finally came together! This is the message that came through:

I will always walk with you. Don’t put me above you. Simply take my hand and say, “Jeshua, walk with me; walk by my side.” And in every moment, I am with you. How could I ever depart from you? For I love you so deeply, now and always. You are me, and I am you, and the heart must soften until you know this truth. Only then can you truly know your awakened nature and the service for which you came to this earth. You are love.

I wrote a simple sentence in my journal: I want to celebrate Christmas!

Later that day, I opened the book Presence, Kindness, & Freedom (p. 102-103) and read about habit patterns often being covered by a smokescreen. In a flash, I recognized the deep pain I had been covering up about having lost contact with my devotion to Jesus. I began to sing to myself, ‘Oh, Jesus, I have promised to love thee to the end…’

I emailed the surfer Jesus photo to the retreat center. I knew it belonged in my collage.

Friday morning I was up early. It was still dark as I left the community building under the moon to walk to the meditation hall for the 6:30 am sitting. I was still searching in my bag for my flashlight when someone with a light came up behind me to my left. I had been holding the light for others all week long, so I had a moment of bliss fully receiving the gift I had been giving.

With sweet appreciation, I picked up my pace and walked along with this person. Until we got to one of the two options to get to the bridge, I assumed it was Celeste, who had been at the dining hall with me moments earlier. As I slowed to see if she would turn, I got a view of this person in my peripheral vision. This person was not Celeste. Celeste was much taller.

In that instant of realizing I had been walking with someone other than I thought, my heart lurched! My breath caught in my chest. My heart broke open with the full realization that for all of these years while I searched for peace with all of this, Jesus had continued to walk with me.

Awash with emotion, I chose to follow this light bearer. I was living the symbolism. I surrendered completely.

My guide did not turn where I expected, but I followed willingly, even expectantly.

When we came to a ditch, I stopped. The light beam was sent down the ditch and up. I stood still, not quite understanding. Down, and up the beam went again.

Finally, my patient light bearer gave a little flick, flick to the beam, as if saying, “Go ahead, it is safe.”

In an altered state, my feet carried me down that ditch and I came up the other side. I found myself at the back of the meditation hall, but I had gotten there via a route I had no idea existed. This experience moved me to my core. The meaning washed over and over me.

At the 6:30 am sitting I heard Jesus telling me, “If I need you to help someone I will call on you. If you don’t hear me calling you to action, relax and enjoy being present to the moment.”

Jesus loves me! What a friend I have in Jesus!

November 12, 2016
Bells!

While it may not immediately make total sense to everyone, my silent insight meditation retreat week was made much richer just because on Monday when we arrived I signed up to be the bell ringer for Saturday.

Let me begin by sharing these comments from my meditation teacher, Barbara Brodsky:

Another way we create much pain for ourselves is by our inability to live in this moment. There’s nothing wrong with planning, but when we’re planning, we seldom KNOW we’re planning. We use it as a way of escaping our lives. Often, attention is scattered. We find little real joy and peace in this moment. We stop for a cup of tea; while we drink it, we plan the afternoon, trying to free the schedule to fit in the game of tennis. We rush through the work, and reach the courts. Through the tennis match, thoughts of the evening meeting intrude.

Signing up as Saturday’s bell ringer, I asked one of the retreat managers about the schedule. At previous retreats with this group, each bell ringing time was signed up for separately. I was always awake early, so I often chose the first bell of the morning. It was easy for me, and I considered it a gift because so many people don’t wake up early. At this retreat, we were making a commitment to ring every bell for an entire day.

I had carefully selected Saturday to give myself a few days off before providing the service to the community.

The manager responded to my question about the schedule with, “The times for the ringing of the bells are on the sheet. That sheet will go with the bell.”

My mind was off and running. I saw on the sheet that bells were scheduled at 6:00 am, 6:30 am, 7:00 am, 7:30 am, 9:00 am, 11:15 am, 12:00 pm, 2:00 pm, 2:30 pm, 4:30 pm, 5:15 pm, 6:30 pm, and 7:30 pm. Not much of a retreat day….

The purpose of the ringing of the bells is to allow attendants to let go of the slavery to planning mind, busy mind, and to be more present. The 6:00 am bell is the first wake-up bell, for those who will attend the early (6:30 am) chanting and meditation sitting. The 6:30 am bell is to announce that event. The 7:00 am bell is the wake-up bell for those who do not attend the early sitting. The 7:30 am bell announces breakfast. Each bell is to be rung five minutes prior to the event time.

This retreat was held at Oakwood Retreat Center a 40 acre property in Selma, Indiana. It takes a full 15 minutes to get around to each of the five residential buildings. (I know because I timed it.)

My habit energy fear of “not doing it right” revealed itself around bell-ringing. This was not the first time I had noticed this energy. At the very first Deep Spring retreat I attended, bell ringing had my mind in a twist. Did no one know that it was impossible to ring a bell five minutes before an event at every location when it takes ten or fifteen minutes to get across the campus? I thought many years at retreat had freed my mind from this habit energy, but alas, here was the subtle panic pattern again.

On Monday, I wrote an anonymous note on the flip chart in the dining hall: “What bells are to be rung?”

The answer from am equally anonymous retreat manager appeared on the chart: “The times are marked on the sheet with the bell.”

I noticed the churning thoughts. I would wake in the night. I considered crossing my name off the list to free myself from the mind twisting. Aware of the play of mind, and the opportunity to be present with that, I accepted as gift the ability to observe the workings of the conditioned mind rather than run from them.

On Friday morning, I decided I would ask someone in the community who was not going to attend the 6:30 am chanting and meditation to ring the 7:00 am and 7:30 am bells so I could. I wrote my request on the flip chart. Notes from two willing volunteers were placed in the basket. With profound appreciation, I accepted one offer.

At 10:30 Friday morning I went in to my small group with Barbara Brodsky. Before our group started, Ellen (the bell ringer for Friday) said, “I will need to leave about fifteen minutes early to ring the noon bell.”

Note* Barbara Brodsky is totally deaf! (See Deep Springs for more information about Barbara.)

Barbara responded to Ellen’s comment about needing to leave early to ring the noon bell with a question and a declaration, “Why are they ringing a noon bell? That is not necessary. You just stay here. Everyone will know it is time for lunch.”

I admit to jumping on that band wagon. I began by saying I had thought right away there were way too many bells, had even asked the managers about that, and I was the one signed up to ring the bells the following day.

When we gathered at 2:00, Barbara casually brought up the bell schedule. She apologized for having missed the mix up on the final schedule. I had already marked the five bells I thought were needed. It was agreed to those five bells as a revived schedule.

So, what is the moral of this ringing tale? So you can understand totally, I will share a few more of Barbara’s comments:

How we may learn to live more fully in this moment is a primary focus of insight meditation. We find much peace and happiness, and deeper ability to concentrate on the work at hand, when we learn such focus. We begin to understand what continually pulls us out of the moment and to not need to do that so much . And we find more kindness and patience toward ourselves when we DO repeat those old patterns! In learning kindness toward ourselves, we learn it toward others!

Amen.

(Send email to debra@scs-matters.com if you would appreciate receiving a handout of Barbara’s basic insight meditation instructions. Check out Presence, Kindness, and Freedom Aaron’s Teachings on Living from an Open Heart for tips on clearing habit patterns.)

November 7, 2016
The Whole Show

Regret & Remorse

Regret & Remorse
Are photo-shopped
Pixels of fragmented
False memories.
Reboot.
Enjoy the whole show.

Francie Lynch, June 6, 2015

This is one of those lessons I hope I can remember to benefit from for the rest of my life.

I love scarves. Seeing a perfectly chosen scarf as the pièce de résistance began in my former life (1970’s) working as a retail fashion buyer, merchandiser, and salesperson.

Possibly the most expensive scarf in my collection is an Oscar de la Renta silk original I found at Goodwill for $1.99.

Now I may have worn it for the last time.

I was blessed to spend last week at a meditation retreat. In the sanctuary at Oakwood Retreat Center, there sat a beautiful quartz Tibetan crystal singing bowl. They are very easy to play and have an amazing sound vibration.

A suede covered mallet is used to circle the outside rim of the bowl. With a steady, even-handed pressure and continued movement around the rim, the tone initiated by the chime builds in clarity and intensity.

I looked for the chiming mallet—checking in the few places it might possibly have been left out of view, but no mallet was to be found, so I left the sanctuary wishing I could have played the bowl.

A couple of days later, I was back in the sanctuary again, and this time grasping mind got the best of me. I could figure out something I could use to get that bowl singing. I knew I could!

I took my little flashlight out of my bag, slid it lightly around the rim, but it was too harsh against the crystal surface of the bowl to be safe and it generated a squeaky pitch.

Without thinking, I took off my scarf, carefully wrapped it around the flashlight, pressed it against the rim of the bowl, and voilà, we had a mallet for the singing bowl!

The tones of the bowl came to life. The walls of the sanctuary were suddenly filled with lovely vibrations. My whole being sang along….

After my mini concert for an audience of one, I began to unwind my scarf from the makeshift mallet.

I now have the choice to remember the hole in Oscar’s silk scarf or the feeling of exhilaration I experienced hearing the bowl sing those beautiful tones to my heart and soul.

Perhaps not every lesson has such clear choice….

October 31, 2016