Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: NLP

  • Livin’ on Lazy Lane

    John and I left Blue House in Punta Gorda at 8:00 am without a plan. Well, that is not quite true. Our plan was to be present with what was happening and make choices along the way. We got onto Interstate 75 heading north for the drive to Smyrna, Tennessee, where Stacey and all of her family live. Traffic was heavier than I expected at that time and REALLY heavy as we got near Sarasota.

    It is not just heavy traffic that is nerve-wracking, it is the aggressive driving in heavy traffic. Vehicles that swerve in and out, going from the third lane to the exit ramp cutting off others. We all have had experiences where someone makes a risky passing to get ahead of us and then we are right behind that person at the next stop. Is it really worth the risk of property damage and/or injury or death?

    For this trip, my maps of Florida, Georgia, and Tennessee were current and I said to John, “At any time you want or need to, just get off the interstate and I will figure out how to get us on from there.” So, at the area slightly north of Sarasota, he did just that. We were soon able to find ourselves on somewhat familiar roads – having driven to make music with our dear friend Ed Bennett up in Zephyrhills!

    As we meandered to State Road 98, then onto State Road 19 John’s relief was palpable…. Much of the time we were the only vehicle on the road. Even when traffic was heavy or we were being caught by stoplights, from time to time the voice on Google Maps would say, “This route is avoiding delays on 1-75. You are currently on the fastest route.”


    The oddest thing is that Google Maps usually shows traffic conditions as green, yellow, orange or red for normal, slow or stopped conditions. None of that was showing up on either of our phones! I have no idea why that was, but I began to use the paper map to identify what I thought the next goal town should be. I would program that town into Google Maps and preview route to keep us heading in the desired direction.

    This reminds me so much of the way our emotions work (or do not work). Leaving clean sheets on the bed at Blue House I was transported emotionally back to Still Waters. Readers of Yellow Brick Road have likely heard about my friends, Delcy and Tom Kuhlman, who owned and operated a spiritual retreat center for decades. Delcy had a lovely way of asking guests to say a prayer for the next person coming on retreat as you put fresh linens on the bed. I found myself doing that!

    Our not returning to Blue House next season is a long story. Our beloved home owners let us know they had concluded the responsibility for two homes was too much. John and I had found a place in North Fort Myers where we have jams several times a week. Linda and Larry were still looking when the owners determined the market is not conducive to selling Blue House right now. So, grateful it will be staying in the family! A life-long friend (Doris was in our youth group back in the 70’s) is planning to join Linda and Larry and she may very well be the next person to sleep in that bed. It was exhilarating to imagine I was praying for her.

    A phrase popped into awareness: “All emotion arises from past similars.” The concept is totally familiar even if the phrase was new. This is stimulus response conditioning, a core element in neurolinguistic programming (NLP).

    When an experience or event generates a strong emotion – an accident or injury results from any type of trauma – all of the elements become generalized. I totally know this from going through strong storms as a child. My mother’s fear was also an amplifier for my emotions. Other people might enjoy the sound of rain on the roof, but my central nervous system knew rain could be part of a larger weather event that could become life threatening. Having been in a serious auto accident resulting in my having an out-of-body (near death experience) my body goes into an air-brake motion habitually at the slightest hint of risk on the road!

    All of this is so well articulated in NLP. The current event (such as the aggressive drivers in the heavy traffic) is triggering a pre-existing emotional pattern. You are never just responding to what is happening in this moment. You are reacting to something that you have previously experienced. The emotion that driver’s aggression or stormy weather produces is yours, buried in your subconscious mind and now being revealed by the trigger. Emotions activated by triggers can be pleasant as well as unpleasant.

    John has LOTS of triggers with North Fort Myers. For many years during season he spent two days a week with his brother, Jerry. The “front porch” of our rental for next season looks right onto Swan Lake. Love for and fond memories of Jerry and Jeanne remain. He is thrilled that Jeanne’s brother and sister-in-law and a number of friends are still there. We stopped and visited one friend this past week.

    Well aware our leaving 75 was adding miles and hours to our overall trip, the quality of each of those miles and hours far exceeded the cost. Sometimes life is just that type of balancing act. You can be grateful to know what you are gaining even when you are aware of losing something else. We are going to miss Blue House, and I am going to miss the biking in that area. We are going to enjoy being mere minutes from the Rec Center jams. We are thrilled that Michigan neighbors and music friends John and Lora Smith will also be in Lazy Days this next season. We look forward to visits to Blue House.

    Meanwhile, our friends and family will find us livin’ on Lazy Lane….

    Things change. Likely State Road 19 had been the primary north/south route before Interstate 75 was built. The roads we traveled were wonderful. I am sorry I did not get photos of the huge pecan orchards. Many lawns were ablaze with flowering shrubs in a spectacular spectrum of reds and oranges and pinks. We saw whole towns made up of the 500 or 600 square foot 1940’s built homes. It was like we were literally traveling through history.


    The trip was truly a beautiful blessing. We are now enjoying a wonderFULL week here in Tennessee before continuing on home to Michigan next week.

    Grateful for where we have been, where we are, and where we will be….

  • As-if Frame: Green Stick Bug

    The Library of Congress is the largest library in the world, with millions of books, films and video, audio recordings, photographs, newspapers, maps and manuscripts in its collections. The Library is the main research arm of the U.S. Congress and the home of the U.S. Copyright Office. According to the Library of Congress, “In the 5th century B.C., Empedocles and Anaxagoras offered arguments for the spherical nature of the Earth. During a lunar eclipse, when the Earth is between the sun and the moon, they identified the shadow of the Earth on the moon. As the shadow moves across the moon it is clearly round.”

    This information was not welcome.

    While at the University of Padua Galileo learned of Nicolaus Copernicus’ theory (published in 1543) that the Earth and all the other planets revolved around the Sun. Soon Galileo’s observations with the newly invented telescope convinced him of the truth of Copernicus’ sun-centered, or heliocentric theory.

    This information was not welcome either.

    All new ideas are met with three distinct phases: First they are ridiculed. Next they are resisted. Then they are accepted as the norm.

    Pondering all of this, I am reminded of the “As-if Frame” in NLP. From NLP World: “The intent of this frame is to make it easier for a person to explore possibilities and ideas internally, which would usually not be as available to them due to their limiting beliefs about themselves or others. The specific effect sought is to allow a person’s limiting beliefs to be temporarily set aside for the purpose of exploring alternate possibilities, without having to threaten or challenge their existing conceptual world-view in the process.”

    Obviously there is huge benefit to suspending beliefs that are not generating wholesome outcomes — perhaps most especially our own beliefs! And, using the “As-if Frame” is an easy way to see for yourself where beliefs you are holding are holding you back.

    Gary Zukav says the Universe is intimate. It is inside you, not outside.

    In 1981, James W. Fowler published Stages of Faith. Here is an excerpt from a pdf I found on line:

      Stage 1: This is the stage of preschool children in which fantasy and reality often get mixed together. However, during this stage, our most basic ideas about God are usually picked up from my parents and/or society.

      Stage 2: When children become school-age, they start understanding the world in more logical ways. They generally accept the stories told them by their faith community but tend to understand them in very literal ways. [A few people remain in this stage through adulthood.]

      Stage 3: Most people move into this stage as teenagers. At this point, their life has grown to include several different social circles and there is a need to pull it all together. When this happens, a person usually adopts some sort of all-encompassing belief system. However, at this stage, people tend to have a hard time seeing outside their box and don’t recognize that they are “inside” a believe system. At this stage, authority is usually placed in individuals or groups that represent one’s beliefs. [This is the stage in which many people remain.]

      Stage 4: This is the tough stage, often begun in young adulthood, when people start seeing outside the box and realize that there are other “boxes”. They begin to critically examine their beliefs on their own and often become disillusioned with their former faith. Ironically, the Stage 3 people usually think that Stage 4 people have become “backsliders” when in reality they have actually moved forward.

      Stage 5: It is rare for people to reach this stage before mid-life. This is the point when people begin to realize the limits of logic and start to except the paradoxes in life. They begin to see life as a mystery and often return to sacred stories and symbols but this time without being stuck in a theological box.

      Stage 6: Few people reach the stage. Those who do live their lives to the full in service of others without any real worries or doubts.

    We have come to see that many things thought about as “stages” are not linear in the way they were initially considered to be. A good example is the work around grief done by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. You might want to look at Fowler’s stages of faith through an “As-if frame” allowing us to see even closely-held beliefs simply as having been developed.

    Following a recent day of meditation on line with others around the world, I saw a green stick bug in our yard. It literally emerged from a plant and looked directly at me. It felt significant enough that I looked up the spiritual meaning, and read it’s amazing message.

    Stick Bug symbolism is a reminder that life is full of illusions. Things that look like something but in reality are something entirely different. In other words, we have to see through what we perceive as fact to find the real truth hidden beneath it. Thus, it is now time to examine each of your beliefs one at a time so that you can discard anything that blinds you to reality. This process takes time. However, the Stick Bug meaning is a reminder that what you see is not necessarily what you get. This spirit animal insists that you open your eyes, ears, and mind today to discover a new truth.

    Especially at this time in human history, there is a need for a willingness to recognize the limits of logic and to see life as a mystery.

  • Creative Mending

    I had some text exchange with my firstborn grandchild, Brad, sharing emotional reactions and perceptions of the current conditions. Some we love dearly entertain the notion that COVID-19 is a conspiracy. I shared with him a recent writing:

    Daily Doula Duty

    My book, I Learned Everything I Needed to Know About Life Working as a Doula, is not yet written, but the awareness is etched into my days nonetheless. The last trimester of pregnancy is no picnic. Sleep is illusive as pressure on the bladder likely means many trips to the bathroom. The rapidly growing fetus works hard to finds comfortable place to stretch out in the tight quarters—often right on the mom’s sciatic nerve. Back pain, leg cramps…. Perhaps all of this is preparation.

    Most women go into labor exhausted, and after that there will be long days and short nights of having an infant to care for.

    The job of the doula is to coach the woman into conserving what precious little energy she has. She is going to need it.

    No matter how long or how difficult the labor, the hardest work comes after the cervix is dilated¬—in the second stage of labor.

    The second stage of labor is when the woman really needs stamina. And stamina takes energy.

    One of my clients had to be put on oxygen to be able to push. Not only was she exhausted, she also had bronchitis.

    My sister delivered her youngest just as intestinal flu was ramping through her family of five, the normal work of laboring was clearly distorted by the accompanying vomiting and diarrhea.

    The human mind is very prone to vomiting and diarrhea….

    When all is said and done, we may be among the fortunate ones to have survived the pandemic of 2020. Suffice it to say, humanity as a whole is likely going into the second stage of labor exhausted.

    High-powered executives confessed to hoping for a scheduled cesarean delivery….

    It is important to conserve our energy. We don’t know what more is going to be demanded of us.

    Bonnie’s daughter is celebrating Mother’s Day this year having just lost her mom to COVID-19. There was no access to the hospital. No visitation or funeral. She writes: “I am going to go pack up some of her things on Sunday. I have some other ideas to share some special moments with her, too. I feel her a lot. It almost feels like she’s not gone because she is around so much. Meaning I don’t miss her physical presence (as much) because her spirit is so strong.”

    The second stage of labor can last a few moments or a few hours.

    Take heart: the second stage of labor means the cervix has already dilated.

    Your body, your mind, and your spirit can do what is being asked of it.

    Key awareness at this point: Don’t be a prisoner to what you cannot change.
    • Remember this is not your birth
    • Remember to rest when you can
    • Remember to breathe through contractions
    • Remember you are not the first or the only to go through this
    • Remember everything you have done to be ready
    • Remember getting through this is the most important thing
    • Remember you will forget the pain
    Debra Basham 05-08-2020 (WC 500)

    Brad responded, “Is this some ninja level NLPing?”

    Zan Lombardo, my friend and artist extraordinaire, was doing some creative mending during our Southern Circle Poets virtual gathering. On the shirt in the photo below, what seems to be a pendant, is actually where a moth hole was. The turquoise is a random doodled line that Zan stitched.

    Transrational Pyramid from Healing with Language (Bowman and Basham p.187):

    The observer’s perspective is both caring and disinterested, free of attachment, neither fearing nor desiring a specific outcome, but wanting only what is usually called the Highest Good for all. That doesn’t mean they have given up playing an active role in causes and activities they think are beneficial. It just means that they do so from a more peaceful and less judgmental perspective.

    Now, that is some creative mending….

  • Our True Nature

    The past two days I have been attending an online intensive with a group of dedicated individuals. Most individuals are dedicated to something. This group is dedicated to opening to awareness, also called “Pure Mind.” This particular series has been meeting weekly for the past year-and-a-half. Many of this group have been studying together for well over ten years.

    Our teacher lovingly reminds us we are not trying to get somewhere or become something we are not. We are simply setting our intention to allow ourselves to experience the awareness that is already our true nature. This was the randomly selected though for the day that came yesterday:


    Deep Spring Center

    Thought for Today

    “These are the people to whom you must talk:

    your neighbors, your coworkers, your parents and children,

    beings with good intentions who want to offer positive polarity

    but also may still be so grounded in their fear

    that when something comes along and shakes them, they react.

    These are the ones who must begin to learn they have a choice,

    and if they react from fear and it causes harm,

    they are responsible.

    And you you who are edging beyond that neutrality,

    more grounded in your positive polarity,

    must be their teachers.”

    For the past 6 weeks I had been unsuccessful trying to purchase a Magic Eye 2020 Calendar. The Magic Eye website announced Walmart as the exclusive merchandiser, but the stores all listed the item as “out-of-stock.”

    A few days ago, I searched ONE more time. The Walmart my brother-in-law shops at while he winters here in Southwest Florida listed the calendar “in-stock.” I sent him a photo, asked if he would check the next time he was there, and now I am thrilled to have one in my possession.


    In the Gospel of Thomas, Patterson/Meyer translation, Jesus said, “The (Father’s) kingdom is like a person who had a treasure hidden in his field but did not know it. And [when] he died he left it to his [son]. The son [did] not know about it either. He took over the field and sold it. The buyer went plowing, [discovered] the treasure, and began to lend money at interest to whomever he wished.”

    One of our practices is simply to look at a tree. We are to notice the branches, and then notice the space between. We are to allow our attention to shift between these, knowing that both ARE: simultaneous existence moving in and out of our awareness.

    The Subtle Communication Systems (SCS) training that Joel P. Bowman and I developed and taught for twenty years included higher sense perception. SCS was a synergy of energy medicine (Healing Touch and Reiki) and NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming). Joel and I studied for many years with Richard Bandler, co-developer of NLP.

    A renowned Buddhist nun and meditation teacher from Thailand Joel and I met at a Bandler training in Orlando read our training manual and said, “Debra, this is a shortcut to enlightenment!”

    Students learned to observe the true nature of their subjective experience: every experience went in as visual, auditory, and kinesthetic stimuli simultaneously! Even if all you noticed was a loud sound, or a flash of bright light, your actual experience (and your internal representation of that experience) includes all of your senses. We played games to help us notice the sensory system we were least aware of.

    One day in class, Joel reached out and touched a locket worn by one of the students. He said, “I see an image of a blonde-haired girl, about 8 years old.”

    “That is who gave me this locket,” exclaimed the student.

    When Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right,” he was giving us a great gift. If you think you are not enlightened, you are right. If you think you are enlightened, you can be in the world with greater wisdom and kindness and awareness.

    Joel and I watched sooooo many individuals wake up to what was within them all along.

    I love the Magic Eye calendar! The easiest way to see the hidden images is to begin looking closely at what you can see. Hold the page close to your nose. Relax your vision: trying too hard makes it too hard. With your eyes relaxed, slowly pull the page away from your face. As you see the 3-D image, hold the page and let yourself enjoy how easy it is.

    Where was it when you could not see it? Right there. It already is. The branches and the space ARE.

    If you are working too hard trying, relax, let yourself see what is already there. You are a soul. Every individual is a precious child of god.

    You already are that which you seek.

    That is your true nature….

  • The Giving Hat

    P.S. When Jane Foster received the hat (see previous post) she sent this photo, and a message saying she thought the hat needed to be named.

    She decided to name it the “Giving Hat” because her husband gifted her the hat, it is giving her so much pleasure, and the proceeds that will go to cancer research is giving others a chance at a longer and better quality of life.

    Here she is in the “Giving Hat.”

  • Do You Know Who Your Master Is?

    Our daughter was sharing a precious “aha moment” she had recently. She works in an industry which has it’s peak adjacent to retail sales— during the months of November and December. As many who are responsible for hiring entry level workers, she has struggled to get reliable help. That has been a HUGE frustration to her, robbing her of the joy of the rest of her job. She experienced an emotional overload, had a crying time, and then an insight. Related to her responsibilities, she became aware of feeling pulled between her plant manager who was screaming for help, a co-owner who wanted to keep payroll down, and the publishers who wanted timely deliveries…. just to name a few.

    Awareness is key. Her awareness included a sentence spoken within herself that became her ticket to freedom a few days later, “I don’t know who my master is.”

    Deep Spring Center Thought for Today

    ‘You’re on a boat,’ he said. ‘The boat is riding too low on the water and there are waves. You’ve got to toss one person out. In the boat are a loved one, a person about whom you feel neutral, a person who is a difficult person, and yourself. You’re the one to decide: which one are you going to cast into the water?’

    She thought about it awhile and said, ‘There are no grounds for decision.’

    He just smiled and bowed and indicated that the interview was over.

    ‘Did I get it right?’ she wondered.

    But of course, when you get to that place where you understand your interrelationship with all beings, there are no grounds for decision. You cannot cast yourself into the shark-infested sea to save others nor can you throw others in to save yourself.

    ~ Aaron

    There are no grounds for decision.

    Like the people on the boat, every one of those needs my daughter was feeling torn between had value, but not ONE of them was more or less important than the others.

    A few days after her breakdown, she had a breakthrough. This is the insight that set her free:

    “I do know who my master is. I serve God. The plant manager is not my master. The co-owner is not my master. The publisher is not my master. My master wants me to experience peace, and joy, and to do what I can do to serve/help.”

    An aside: if you do not automatically receive the Beyond Mastery Newsletter, or if you currently receive only one email message with links to the newsletter included (rather than the email message with the links plus the individual post/s), then you will want to sign up now to receive all posts automatically. The January edition will come out at the end of this month, and it may just rock your boat. Here is the link: Sign Up Now for Beyond Mastery.

    The outer circumstances at work have not changed. She did not magically have adequate, dedicated, reliable hires. She was able to have a heart-to-heart with her plant manager, and with the company president about having recognized her real master. Theirs is a Christian organization. The name they use is God. The miracle in her life happened because she listened to God, she heard that voice within. When we listen, we have to take action. The action she took was to let herself be transformed from within.

    Included in my January article will be an invitation for others to join an online group based on the book Writing Down Your Soul: How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within, by Janet Conner.

    You will know if you are ready.

  • How Do I Look?

    Even in a world that’s being shipwrecked,
    remain brave and strong.

    HILDEGARD VON BINGEN

    At no time more than right now, remaining brave and strong is an important reminder. It seems there are more than the usual things to be distressed or discouraged about. In our personal lives, in our communities, in our nation, on our planet.

    I loved this image when I saw it on someone’s Facebook page:

    Observing the way we look is vital. Recently, I awoke from a dream in which a teacher was telling me some day we would not tell people what to think, we would teach them how to think. This is certainly what my life with Subtle Communication Systems (SCS/NLP) is all about.

    Along these lines, I was deeply moved by this excerpt from Chögyam Trungpa’s The Heart of the Buddha: Entering the Tibetan Buddhist Path (page 126). Chögyam Trungpa was a Buddhist meditation master.

    The simultaneous experience of confusion and sanity, or being asleep and awake, is the realization of coemergent wisdom. Any occurrence in one’s state of mind—any thought, feeling, or emotion—is both black and white. It is both a statement of confusion and a message of enlightened mind.

    How do you look? Are you aware? May all beings awaken their enlightened mind. It is within every one of us.