Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: mold

  • The Collective

    When I picked up the spoon off the napkin to stir my morning tea, a huge ant fell out onto the kitchen counter. I carefully picked it up with the napkin, and carried it out onto the porch.

    Looking up “ant as animal totem” I was surprised to see a reference to MOLD:

    The plant spirit medicine of mold is in partnership with Ant medicine and it teaches of the psychedelic dimensions of Earth.

    The insect nation is in direct communication with such dimensions which is why it is often very disconcerting to encounter Dragonfly, Ant, Spider, and all the other tiny crawlers of Earth.

    (Regular readers of Yellow Brick Road know we had quite the dance with mold.)

    Coming back to get my tea, I saw a long-legged spider in the sink. I grabbed a tissue and carefully delivered the spider to the porch as well. Very unusual happenings both of these….

    The following morning, another (near-identical) spider was in the sink!

    Over the past week I have been gifting contents from my professional office. While it was not an easy decision to give up a formal practice space, I have already had many confirmations that opportunities abound to love, serve, and remember, as Betty Lue and Robert (Reunion) taught us to sing.

    My massage table went to Tina at Creative Therapy School of Massage.

    The elephant statue was dropped off to Kimberly.

    It has been my hope that the love and healing related to each item and all of our history will continue to bless the world with remembered wholeness.

    I had an odd interaction when I dropped off the door name plate to one colleague. Knowing she had last expressed not having been vaccinated, I put on my mask and offered a hug. “No hugs,” she replied. “I have to protect you.” The words did not match the energy.

    “I am masked to protect you,” I responded.

    “No hugs,” she repeated, shaking her head.

    I got back into my car feeling some sadness. I was very grateful our next delivery was to drop off the afghan with Jesus surrounded all the forest creatures. It was a wonderful visit…. complete with hugs.

    One of the members of the Zen Empty Circle shared the stressful situation with his in-laws, who neither mask nor choose to be vaccinated against the coronavirus — understandably wanting his young daughter to come spend time with them. They miss her. He does not feel comfortable allowing her to go. The meditation teacher said, “Remember you are not keeping her from them, you are protecting her from the virus.”

    In our own family we have this dynamic.

    In many families, this polarized world view expresses itself.

    What will our post-pandemic world be? The wondering comes if we will we be like the Sneetches (Dr. Seuss) and get over ourselves, but at a cost like when McBean drives away with the Sneetches‘ cash, exclaiming, “They never will learn. No. You can’t teach a Sneetch.”

    It did not feel as though she refused a hug “to protect me” but I do know she is not a Sneetch, and neither am I….

    If you want to go fast,
    go alone.
    If you want to go far,
    go together.

    ~ African Proverb
    (The tag line on the ant totem reading.)

  • Enough!

    Autumn

    Leaves are falling down
    autumn of my life this is
    I must choose to live

    Watching baby breathe
    innocent and fresh new start
    coming from the heart

    Hands wrinkled from work
    burdened by beliefs not mine
    wake before too late

    She is blind but sees
    his deaf ears hear love’s true call
    death’s doorway beckons

    I stand numb yet here
    garden gate gapes wide with pride
    flowers sing welcome

    Rich soil grows wisdom
    rain settles the dust at last
    soon all will be past

    Debra Basham 03-06-2020 (WC 84)

    One month from today we expect to arrive back in Michigan. It would be denial to say the mold saga has not given birth to worry, fear, and concern. Is it gone? I am not just questioning the mold, but referencing also the freedom turning ever-so-surely into curiosity that has momentarily replaced the worry.

    Putting multiple thousands on my credit card, writing checks for more multiple thousands. Grateful access to what we need. Thoughts, too, of those families helped financially by our plight.

    It is said we do not fear death, but we fear dying as the great unknown. Yet, truth-be-told, we have been practicing living with dying since our first breath. We outlived puppies and kitties, and uncles and aunts. Cars and clothes, and friendships. All these no longer are the way they were.

    Fragile at best, this bed of impermanence upon which we rest.

    Mind goes to the blowing of the wind outside the window. Wondering when it is not blowing, where or what wind is.

    Before I was “I,” what was I. And long after, hereafter.

    Suddenly the idea! I can spend all of my earthy accumulations to run a full-page ad in the newspaper telling of the inner journey.

    Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, hardly anyone reads newspapers any more. Trees are relieved. So am I.

    News is depressing. Of course, the really good stuff gets ignored.

    Disaster and doom, debauchery and damage—this is what people read.

    All arises from the conditions. When the conditions are present, wind will arise.

    Death, too, arises—like the sun—when it is time.

    I write an open letter to the tiny house:

    To whom it may concern,

    The problem was more extensive than we anticipated, but we have done what we can. We are optimistic what we have done is enough.

    Love,
    Debra

    My goodness, that is perhaps the words for the ad in the newspaper: WE ARE OPTIMISTIC WHAT WE HAVE DONE IS ENOUGH….

  • Wild Places Need LOVE

    The lessons of the mold continue….

    We did not know where, but the air quality test taken in our home indicated more mold was present. This week we know where the mold was hiding. The condensate line from our HVAC was dumping water into the belly of our mobile home, saturating the insulation, creating a perfect growing condition.

    Here are photos of what used to be our laundry room floor and the wall behind the utility cupboard:

    I have felt a lot of resistance to this news. I have felt that resistance as a knot in my stomach, tightness in my chest, and a lump in my throat.

    Others are going through challenges related to diagnosis, prognosis, pain, and fear of death. Our planet itself is going through challenges.

    On a guided walk this morning we heard a naturalist speak of the threads of connection between everything. He spoke of the water and the fire and the species overlapping: WE are interdependent.

    From the Conservation Foundation website:

    Wild Places Need You

    Why?

    Because they are fast disappearing. And with them goes safe habitat for wildlife, rural ranchlands, the protection of clean water, and beautiful places to hike, swim, and fish. With support from people like you, Conservation Foundation of the Gulf Coast has permanently protected more than 12,000 acres of critical lands. But time is running out.

    You are the last generation that can save this land. Together, we will ensure that the human and natural worlds of Southwest Florida flourish together.

    Whether it is mold remediation, a diagnosis and healing sought, or environmental balance we are speaking about, the answer is universal: LOVE.

    Reports of Aborigines healing broken bones, muscle tears, and illnesses of every kind using their didgereedoo point us in a direction. Harmony and healing is possible.

    Transcript from “LOVE” channeled by Barbara Brodsky, my meditation teacher:

    Q: Are you suggesting that many of us here are able or will be able in this life to invite broken bones, divided cells to merge…

    Love: You all are perfectly capable of that.

    Q: In this life now?

    Love: Of course! Now! Your limiting beliefs stop you from doing it.

    We know the truth of this. At the center of our being truth resonates.

    Q: So, in my daily life, how can I practice this?

    Love: Choose a space, a place that you pass by often in the day, like a doorway or a specific tree, and hold the intention every time you pass that space to pause, take a deep breath, and say, “I am love, and I welcome love. I choose to invite love.” It may only take a few seconds. “I am love. I am open to love. Thank you.” Allow yourself to feel it and then walk on. But if you do this 20 times a day, eventually it’s going to take root. Okay?

  • Dancing in the Darkness

    Aaron Daily Quote
    Everybody wants to be safe and comfortable.
    For most of you, your habitual pattern around being safe and comfortable
    is to move into a control mode.
    And so you try to think it out and plan it out
    and get it perfect
    and then rehash the plans
    and see if they can be better.
    You don’t know how to let go.
    You can’t let go because you cannot yet recognize,
    ‘This controlling voice is simply fear.’
    But it is recognizable if you pay attention.
    As soon as there’s a contraction
    and the mind starts spinning out the plans,
    please just note, ‘Ah, fear is here.’

    During this second year of our Path of Clear Light study group, we are working with sacred darkness. Think terms, ‘dark night of the soul’ or ‘shadow’ work.

    Aaron opened with a couple of extended guided meditations. The first was a narrow bridge over a raging water fall below. We were in a harness but when we got to the middle of the bridge our direction was to allow ourselves to fall! The belief is/was that the harness would catch us, keeping us safe, ultimately preventing us from falling to our death. Fear was so present for this one who does not swim.

    The second scenario is/was sleeping in a cave in the pitch black. We were to spend some time each day in these metaphors, allowing ourselves to feel the fear.

    At the conclusion of the talk, when Aaron opened for questions, I shared that I love sleeping in darkness. I put a pair of socks over the little blue light on the cable box when I go to bed at night. I asked if that metaphor work for me if I was not afraid of the dark.

    One of the other students sent me a private message on the Zoom format, “There is mold in the cave.”

    How brilliant! We are always closer to those habit patterns of fear than we notice.

    In my journal I wrote that I was aware of fear around the mold remediation insurance claim having been paid at more than the actual remediation cost. I had reached out to the adjuster about that, but it was not resolved. What is/was that fear? I know I don’t have to be fearful about not being able to pay it back if I had to.

    I was able to see that it had to do with feeling out of integrity with the vow to not take what is not freely given.

    Fear:
    I am bad
    I will be punished
    I will lose face

    I have a flash of a past life in which I was shunned. We were a dark-skinned people.

    I see the fear that I could be fined, or that our coverage could be cancelled.

    I see how vulnerable that habit energy makes me feel. I recall the 8 worldly dharmas (also called concerns or preoccupations): pleasure and pain; gain and loss; praise and blame; fame and ill repute. Oh, my….

    Journal entry:
    V: You are aware of your habit pattern of wanting to be right. How might that have fueled your fear?
    D: Well, certainly right or wrong (duality) pulls a heavy weight. Notice what the odds are that you will be wrong if there is only one right answer/choice/conclusion. EVERYTHING ELSE IS WRONG.
    V: Doesn’t seem likely in something as unfathomably enormous as life, does it….
    D: So if it is not a matter of right or wrong, how do I best think about it?
    V: You know about wholesome and unwholesome. You know about skillful and unskillful. What do you think those mean?
    D: These seem to be part of clarity, wisdom, and kindness; taking into account all needs/desires/outcomes.
    V: Exactly. You are certainly seeing now how much highest purpose plays a role. If your highest purpose is to love/peace/clarity, many options open up. It isn’t about not having mundane purposes as well. In those times of inner conflict or just not being totally sure, you can rest easily within your highest purpose.
    D: We are all connected. Love is the glue!

    What a beautiful reminder that we are all dancing in the darkness.

    P.S. Updating you on the previous post’s plumbing predicament, more mold was found! A second leak occurred (a chain-reaction to the first break) and in the need to get the belly of the mobile home dried out, PuroClean found a 4×4 board covered with black mold. That was able to be removed. We are so grateful for the miraculous mayhem. The results truly are in the hands of the divine!

  • Liberation

      Deep Spring Center
      Thought for Today

      “I would ask you not to settle
      for anything less than liberation,
      and yet not to hurry toward it,
      but to know that if you practice
      with sincerity, love, and courage,
      it will come.
      May the way be very beautiful for you.
      May you find freedom and peace.”

    Aaron’s words slide over my being as smoothly as silk.

    We discovered mold under our dishwasher Sunday evening. It has been crawling along the floors.

    After mold remediation at the office, mold remediation on Lot 51, and now EXTENSIVE mold remediation happening here, I thought it wise to search for the meaning of mold as totem.

    Adaptability in the face of widespread, often destructive changes….

    Black Mold helps to keep me humble, and reminds me of the privileges I enjoy, however temporarily.

    An incentive to find more eco-friendly options for food, water, shelter, and other resources.

    Any species that manages to increase its population due to human influence, rather than becoming endangered or extinct, is at least noteworthy for its adaptability.

    It is truly amazing to be aware of the full monty. The full monty (or the full Monty) is a British slang phrase of uncertain origin. It is generally used to mean everything which is necessary, appropriate or possible; the works.

    Even while feeling overwhelm, I am aware how easy my life is compared to so many. Along with emotions of dread, trust holds my trembling breast. If this is liberation, it is worth the wait.

    One of the Brahma Kumaris inspirations of the day I received this morning says simply:

    Repeat after me: My current situation is not my permanent destination.

  • Your Place in the Family of Things

    A few days ago, the mold saga continued as late in the evening our friend ripped up carpet preparing for solid flooring installation in the manufactured home she bought here in our park and found this:

    (see Lessons from the Mold)

    She was having a very difficult time navigating all of the uncertainty. I totally get that. I said I would come the following day while she was at work and I would get the rest of the carpeting up so she would know the scope of the problem.

    We are now lovingly calling my friend’s space ‘AREA 51’ as her home is located on Lot 51.

    It never occurred to me that evening I would know to ask for help even as I was giving help.

    There is a story of the Buddha when in a past life he offered himself as food to a hungry tiger and her cubs. The story says when you start off by sharing your dinner with the hungry tiger cub and then some years or lifetimes later, you are giving your dinner, it’s only a natural next step to simply give yourself. For one for whom there is a giver it would not be an appropriate action, it would create an unwholesome karma for both you and the tiger cub. What happens is at some point there is no giver and no one given to. You are not making a martyr of yourself, because there’s really no distinction between you and the hungry tiger. You see the being suffering and you give.

    The following morning, as I prepared to head over to her home, I spontaneously wrote a note to the guy across the street, “I need someone with strength at Lot 51 for a few minutes.” He arrived home from the gym as I was writing the note, so I walked across the street and knocked on his door. I pointed to the note, told him what happened, and said simply, “I could use your help ripping up the rest of the carpet.”

    He walked over as I drove. There he stood—with a large pair of pliers, a utility knife, and a snub-nosed spade. He was amazing…. He showed me how to use the spade, and by working together, in less than an hour, we had all carpet and pad removed.

    And we found NO additional mold. I sent my friend these photos:

    I came home to have some lunch and rest a bit. I wrote a ‘thank you’ note, slipped 3 twenty-dollar bills into it, and taped it on his door as I headed back to remove the tack strips, pull up the linoleum, and sweep up the mess.

    When I got back home the 3 twenty-dollar bills were in this envelope taped on my door:

    When I saw him later, he grinned and said, “I kept the card.”

      Wild Geese

      You do not have to be good.
      You do not have to walk on your knees
      for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
      You only have to let the soft animal of your body
      love what it loves.
      Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
      Meanwhile the world goes on.
      Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
      are moving across the landscapes,
      over the prairies and the deep trees,
      the mountains and the rivers.
      Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
      are heading home again.
      Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
      the world offers itself to your imagination,
      calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
      over and over announcing your place
      in the family of things.

      ~Mary Oliver

  • Lessons from the Mold

    I am just back from a retreat/intensive with the Deep Spring Dharma Path group. This group is a two-year commitment to daily practice, weekly meetings, and twice-yearly intensives. I said this morning I have not yet found my feet, but I know where I left them, and I assume they are still there waiting for me.

    That is how grace works.

    We heard truth articulated over and over. When it is lost, where is joy? Peace? Love? Trust? Hope? You fill in the blank.

    Barbara Brodsky, founder and guiding teacher of Deep Spring Meditation Center, announced that she had seen two horses in the middle of the road as she was nearing Triple Crane Monastery in Chelsea (Michigan) where the retreat was being held. Barbara, concerned for the horses, pulled into the driveway. Seeing no one around, she honked the horn a few times. Barbara is deaf, and she has some physical challenges walking. She did not deem it feasible for her to leave her vehicle and walk to the barn to see if she could find the owner of the horses. Reluctantly, she drove on to the retreat.

    Aaron, the discarnate teacher whom Barbara channels, spoke to her. I am paraphrasing here. “If you are going to be here, be here. Or get some one to go with you and go back to check on the farmer and the horses. Either is OK, you did what you could. If you decide to be here, let it go, trusting that all shall be well.”

    As this was being shared, my mind had gone to a massage therapist in my office. Just before I drove to Chelsea, we had met with the owner of our building, the property manager, and a mold remediation professional. This therapist’s room was discovered to have an unacceptable level of active Aspergillus mold spores. For people with healthy immune systems, breathing in Aspergillus isn’t harmful. However, for one who is allergic, or those with weakened immune systems, breathing in Aspergillus spores can cause an infection in the lungs or sinuses which can spread to other parts of the body.

    This therapist has a known allergy to mushrooms, and also has some immune deficiency. A perfect storm….

    Many times throughout the retreat my thoughts would go to her. I have great compassion for what she is going through. She has only been in practice for one year, much of that year she has been feeling ill. Financially and emotionally she is drained.

    I also have great compassion for the owner of the building, and truly for everyone affected, including myself.

    At retreat I would gently remind myself to be present with the thoughts and emotions, and to remember to be here now. I was at the retreat.

    I had a precious connection with my roommate, and I worked a lot in the kitchen! One way I deal with stress is to clean. This is going to come in handy with remediation….

    We received Darshan (a Blessing) from ‘The Mother’— a very loving being whom Barbara also channels. I was told, “You are a sunbeam. A sunbeam is not diminished in any way by shining its light. Nor does it wonder, ‘Have I shined enough?’ This is a place for you to release. You are that sunbeam.”

    Oh, my, goodness!

    We received reminders to deepen our intention, and to notice where our true power is. If we feel contracted energy, we were instructed to just notice: fear, sadness, doubt, uncertainty, anger. Say to yourself, “I concentrate this contraction in service to all beings who feel _____.”

    Many years ago, a group of friends worked at another office which flooded (with gray water!) and had to go through remediation. Feelings are close to the surface as I am remembering all of that now. Every day humans are facing threat. Every day humans are experiencing harm. But as we heard—we are not just mammals. We are also awakened beings.

    From my retreat journal: You don’t have to be fully awake to be fully awake! You who can see the light, rest in the light. Guide others without going into the darkness.

    We did quite a bit of sitting, but we also enjoyed learning through play. Here I am STANDING on a balance ball (with the help of others who would catch me if I started to fall).

    And here is one of my Dharma sisters flying a kite.

    Where does joy go? Or humility? Where is justice when it is lost?

    In Buddhism, these fruits of the spirit are called the Paramitas, or the Ten Perfections.

    None are truly lost. All want to be invited back.

    How do I invite something without grasping? “I have set it in motion by my intention. If it is for highest good, it will happen.”

    I was humbled to remember that mold, like a weed in the garden, or the mosquito on my hand, is a sentient being. Can I open my heart to the mold, too, knowing it cannot stay, but cleaning it out with love? Reading about mold: By decomposing organic matter, molds play a big part in material biodegradation, enabling decay and rot necessary in all ecosystems.

    May all beings remember these valuable lessons about life, including lessons from the mold.