She had gifted him a black and white blanket — very soft, lamb’s wool on one side, he would “meditate” in his recliner covered up with it. Invariably a kitty would join him!
Due to health concerns, he had moved out of state, and the kitties were going to a new home as well. She was scheduled to help the mutual friend who was handling the kitties’ mobile vet appointment. Out of compassion, the friend asked her if she wanted anything from the house to remember them by.
Not sharing any of the details of the black and white blanket, she said simply, “There is a black and white blanket on the recliner in the lower level. That would be wonderful.”
When her own life got complicated, and she knew she would be unable to help with the mobile vet visit and the kitties’ relocation, she reluctantly told their mutual friend it was OK, she did not need the blanket to remember them by.
The morning of the vet visit and their move, a text came saying everything had gone so well and the kitties were now with their new family. The second text message said simply, “A funny thing happened as I was leaving the house. A black and white blanket jumped into my truck.”
Two photos accompanied a text response, expressing her gratitude.
A picture is worth a thousand words. Now the friend totally understood.
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.
~ Robert Herrick
My fingers have been missing in action from the keyboard as I have enjoyed spending time with a precious friend. We played dominoes, went sightseeing, dined with decadence, and shared about dealing with pain.
Today I am catching up.
This is the beginning of the February 6, 2019 daily thought of David J. Bloyd:
“Memories— the one thing that can never be taken away from us. Make lots of them! “
—Catherine Pulsifer, Canadian author; age not provided
wiseoldsayings.com (website)
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But be careful…very careful…because it’s just as easy to form a bad memory as it is a good one. I recall a story I read many years ago. A family was on a trip in their car, carefully planned regarding timing and distances, and on-target to fulfill those plans. Their little boy was in the back in his car seat playing with his favorite stuffed toy. His window was open to give him fresh air. Suddenly he cried out that his toy was gone. The father asked where it went. “Out the window”, the boy replied. Now the father had three choices: Chew the little boy out and keep driving; just keep driving and let the little boy suffer the loss; stop, turn around, and go back to look for the toy. He chose the last option.
Later, when with friends, the wife told the story. One of the friends asked the man “Why? Why did you ruin your schedule over an inexpensive teddy bear?”
The father smiled and said “Because the toy was his favorite.”
Now why is that important?
Because whatever choice he took, it would have created a memory for the little boy—either a sad one or a marvelous one. We have future memories in our control. Whatever we do today we’ll re-live tomorrow.
Reliving pleasant things is very pleasant. I have been doing some of that around my last week. Reliving unpleasant things can be even more unpleasant than the experience itself.
My friend, Sheilana Massey, wrote Peace Has No Space for Memories. The book encourages us to live in the moment of right now, without dragging in the past or living in the future. She says we can live with Love for what is, not for what was or what will be. From this space our planet will move into Peace, Love and Joy for all Creation.
The Buddha taught that we cannot prevent pain, but we do not have to suffer. “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. And with this second arrow comes the possibility of choice.” (A search for ‘the second arrow’ will yield lots of pages, or check out How the Buddhist metaphor of ‘the second arrow’ can help you to be nicer to yourself.)
This is often summarized as, “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”
My friend is enduring a lot of pain.
Amidst the pain, however, she is ecstatic about her new life with her new husband. She eats with enthusiasm. She loves music. She laughs a lot.
I love organization. I enjoy cleaning, sorting, packing. For me, it is the same process as putting together a jigsaw puzzle. It takes time, observation, and patience.
We are getting our home ready for putting it on the market. It has been a wonderful home with a beautiful yard. We would like to downsize, preferring to not have an acre to take care of. To help us, we had an amazing woman walk through and make suggestions and share tips.
Since you end up packing things you want to keep, she suggested using clear totes to see what is inside. I chose ones with a strip of foam in the lid for keeping out moisture (and critters). This was especially important for books and important papers, including almost 50 years of journals!
Thinking ahead to living in a potentially smaller home, I have been using a process of mindfulness in determining what to keep, what to pack, and what to keep out for staging. It is a time for casting off. Boxes of books have been taken to the local resale shop. Papers so important at some time in the past have filled the recycle bin to overflowing. Significant trinkets are now being given away.
A woman was being moved out of her home into assisted living due to what was then called memory problems. Pointing to a beautiful painting of the Lord’s Supper that had been hanging in that dining room for two generations, her daughter asked if she wanted to take it with her. Her mom waved her hand and shook her head no, saying, “I am sure at one time I knew all of them, but I don’t recognize a one of them anymore…”
I still remember.
I could not stand the thought of packing away what has become a life-altar, gifts and representations of special people and places and ideas I value. (See my recent post: Treasures)
I was inspired by a beautiful pottery piece gifted to me by my sister Janis recently for time assisting her settling in to their new home. This pottery was special, made by her dear friend, Louie, in the gallery Janis had in the home that had belonged to our parents. His pottery was a perfect foundation for all the messages of love, inspiration, healing. Elements of rock, shell, wood, gems, and paper—all harmoniously gathering!
It was pure joy to witness each finding space. And best of all, the doors can be closed, allowing privacy for my treasures and an appropriate simplicity to welcome the new owners!
