Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Loving What Is

  • Mamminaism – It’s Just the Way It Is

    Most days of late I’ve been riding bike with Fred. I guess that could have been a good title for this post, but it is about so much more than biking or Fred. But, Fred did share something about a guy named Mammina he worked with who would say something like this: “You can only have a problem if there is a solution. If there is no solution there can’t be a problem. It’s just the way it is.”

    They coined the term Mamminaism referring to this because it applied so often. I suggested we consider it a mantra as we navigate life with Linda now in spirit and us still here in form.

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change… the opening of The Serenity Prayer. I have been encouraging Fred to consider how what he is doing in form is contributing to her in spirit even now. I heard myself tell him that she does not have an emotional body now so she is in a pretty good space to support us. And given that there is no solution, her being in spirit and us being in form can’t be a problem. It is just the way it is.

    From the author page of Byron Katie: In the midst of a normal life, Katie became increasingly depressed, and over a ten-year period sank further into rage, despair, and thoughts of suicide. Then one morning, she woke up in a state of absolute joy, filled with the realization of how her own suffering had ended.

    Katie says it so clearly, “I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration.”

    I was experiencing a lot of tension and frustration today when I finally got to a real person at Microsoft about an email I received charging my account $450 dollars for Microsoft 365 Business. I have not yet found out if it is a legitimate charge and I guess it is true that in time, truth will reveal itself.

    The literal thought about awareness about what happens after death is one has to wait until we die to know. Well, that does not seem the best use of human resources to me, does it to you? In time, truth will reveal itself.

    I am grateful to have learned of the work by Dr. Allan L. Botkin, Psy.D., who discovered what has been termed Induced After Death Communication (IADC) in 1995. The protocol for IADC was derived from Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), an evidenced-based treatment for trauma. “When the grief-related sadness surrounding the loss diminishes, clients generally experience a state of calmness, openness, and receptivity. In this state, about two-thirds to three-fourths of clients report experiencing a deep sense of connection with the deceased loved one, which may be experienced through sensory means (sight, sound, smell, taste, etc.) or as a “sense of presence” of the loved one. This sense of connection is a well-researched phenomenon referred to in the scientific literature as after-death communication.” ~ IADC Therapy and The Center for Grief and Traumatic Loss

    As Fred mines Linda’s worldly possessions — all of which were left behind — I have found my way back to decades of my journals. I find myself knowing I do not wish to leave everything to someone else when (NOT IF) I lay this body down. I had a near meltdown when I thought I was missing the years between 2012 and 2016 but I found one thin journal. This entry on September 26, 2012, was quite telling:

      Yesterday morning I whacked my heal on the door to the pantry. It bled and my right eye pupil got huge! I started on energy work immediately and took both Arnica and Rescue Remedy. In about 60-90 minutes the pupil was mostly normal. I have a scab but otherwise I’m okay.

      I blurted out, “WHO OPENED THAT DOOR?” There are only John and me here.

      I realized my mom’s blurting out, “WHO PUT THAT THERE?” when something fell out of the freezer had been seen as evidence of her unwillingness to take responsibility for her actions and her tendency to blame others. I saw yesterday that blurt came from a non-rational place. There was no thought, just a reaction. It was very humbling.

    Fred and I have talked a lot about The Drama Triangle Revisited from my days with Subtle Communication Systems (SCS). Fred is gaining insights, I am, too. Perhaps we are seeing the message one of Linda’s mugs that she had broken and he had put back together. He thought he had recalled there being a small triangular chip that he had needed to fix but we have both looked closely several times…. In time, truth will reveal itself.

    We are now here, and the wound is nowhere to be seen.

    It’s just the way it is.

  • He/She/They Have The Whole World in His/Her/Their Hands

    From my journal entry of an exercise during class on mediumship with Barbara Brodsky:

      You need not teach anything, Dear One, just live as your own consciousness evolves. You have been here before — but not exactly!

      Think for a moment about the park you live in now. “Separate” homes are owned and lived in yet you share the streets. Beyond that, you share the sky, the sun, the wind. Even those express with uniqueness in each case. One may be shaded because you face the east or west. EVERYTHING fits into this dynamic.

      You have been dreaming of human existence on Earth without fear of death. You have whiffs of the ripple effects. Yet, not you, nor I, nor THE ALL THAT IS knows exactly what will unfold. Like a storm. Much is known, but nothing is known exactly as it will be.

      Even the cookies that you bake time-after-time using the same ingredients in the precise measurements is subject to distinction.

      Child, what song lifts your heart?

      He’s got the whole world in his hands.

    ((The song began to play in my mind, including an ad lib verse of he’s got Deep Springs Sangha in his hands.))

      Notice how your thinking mind wants to argue a bit with the word “he.” Your heart does not demand a change in the word. Your heart agrees with the purity of the intention in that word. Notice how some demand a special application of the gender-sensitive pronouns, preferring “they” to “he or she.” Once the heart has opened to its true capacity, none of that will generate reactions.

      You will be present in the presence.

      You will have peace that passes understanding.

      Dear One, another song?

    ((Peace is flowing like a river, flowing out from you and me. Flowing out into the desert setting all the captives free.))

    I had shared a quotation from a film about not asking a person who had lost a loved one how he or she is but to ask instead, “What was your loved one like?” I included a link to the film with a disclaimer, “It was a bit too preachy for my taste.” My daughter commented that probably means she would like it! When my sister commented (asking me to define preachy), I took down the post.

    I looked up the definition of preachy: having or revealing a tendency to give moral advice in a tedious or self-righteous way.

    Then I looked up proselytizing: the action of attempting to convert someone from one religion, belief, or opinion to another.

    Somewhere in my bodies I can feel the space of Loving What Is (Byron Katie) and Whatever Arises, Love That (Matt Kahn).

    Oh, my…. Byron Katie says there are only three kinds of business, and asks: Whose business are you minding?

    Notice when you hurt that you are mentally out of your business.

    If you’re not sure, stop and ask, “Mentally, whose business am I in?”

    There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s.

    Whose business is it if an earthquake happens? God’s business.

    Whose business is it if your neighbor down the street has an ugly lawn? Your neighbor’s business.

    Whose business is it if you are angry at your neighbor down the street because he has an ugly lawn? Your business.

    Life is simple — it is internal.

    Count, in five minute intervals, how many times you are in someone else’s business mentally. Notice when you give uninvited advice or offer your opinion about something (aloud or silently).

    Ask yourself: “Am I in their business? Did they ask me for my advice?”

    And more importantly, “Can I take the advice I am offering and apply it to my life?”