Tag: life and death

  • Seven Little Girls Sitting in the Backseat

    Fred was navigating the grief journey after his beloved had passed very suddenly (following a time of chronic health challenges) just four weeks ago. He had spent the evening with good friends who invited one of their neighbors to join them as a fourth for pizza and cards.

    They spoke openly of Fred’s journey, and shared the food and cards, along with some heartfelt laughter when the neighbor broke into song, making light fun of the lyrics of the Mac Davis song, “It’s Hard to be Humble.”

      Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble
      When you’re perfect in every way
      I can’t wait to look in the mirror
      Cause I get better looking each day
      To know me is to love me
      I must be a hell of a man
      Oh Lord It’s hard to be humble,
      But I’m doing the best that I can

    Later that night — at home alone, processing soooooo much — those lyrics became an earworm for him. (According to Wikipedia, an earworm or brainworm, also described as sticky music or stuck song syndrome, is a catchy or memorable piece of music or saying that continuously occupies a person’s mind even after it is no longer being played or spoken about.)

    When that earworm led to a second, Seven Little Girls Sitting in the Back Seat, by Paul Evans the chorus became a mantra:

      Keep you mind on your driving
      Keep you hands on the wheel
      Keep your snoopy eyes on the road ahead
      We’re having fun sitting in the back seat kissing and a-hugging with Fred

    It was as if she was giving him guidance to navigate his grief, making sure he knows — maybe especially now — it is vitally important to be having fun….

  • As-if Frame: Green Stick Bug

    The Library of Congress is the largest library in the world, with millions of books, films and video, audio recordings, photographs, newspapers, maps and manuscripts in its collections. The Library is the main research arm of the U.S. Congress and the home of the U.S. Copyright Office. According to the Library of Congress, “In the 5th century B.C., Empedocles and Anaxagoras offered arguments for the spherical nature of the Earth. During a lunar eclipse, when the Earth is between the sun and the moon, they identified the shadow of the Earth on the moon. As the shadow moves across the moon it is clearly round.”

    This information was not welcome.

    While at the University of Padua Galileo learned of Nicolaus Copernicus’ theory (published in 1543) that the Earth and all the other planets revolved around the Sun. Soon Galileo’s observations with the newly invented telescope convinced him of the truth of Copernicus’ sun-centered, or heliocentric theory.

    This information was not welcome either.

    All new ideas are met with three distinct phases: First they are ridiculed. Next they are resisted. Then they are accepted as the norm.

    Pondering all of this, I am reminded of the “As-if Frame” in NLP. From NLP World: “The intent of this frame is to make it easier for a person to explore possibilities and ideas internally, which would usually not be as available to them due to their limiting beliefs about themselves or others. The specific effect sought is to allow a person’s limiting beliefs to be temporarily set aside for the purpose of exploring alternate possibilities, without having to threaten or challenge their existing conceptual world-view in the process.”

    Obviously there is huge benefit to suspending beliefs that are not generating wholesome outcomes — perhaps most especially our own beliefs! And, using the “As-if Frame” is an easy way to see for yourself where beliefs you are holding are holding you back.

    Gary Zukav says the Universe is intimate. It is inside you, not outside.

    In 1981, James W. Fowler published Stages of Faith. Here is an excerpt from a pdf I found on line:

      Stage 1: This is the stage of preschool children in which fantasy and reality often get mixed together. However, during this stage, our most basic ideas about God are usually picked up from my parents and/or society.

      Stage 2: When children become school-age, they start understanding the world in more logical ways. They generally accept the stories told them by their faith community but tend to understand them in very literal ways. [A few people remain in this stage through adulthood.]

      Stage 3: Most people move into this stage as teenagers. At this point, their life has grown to include several different social circles and there is a need to pull it all together. When this happens, a person usually adopts some sort of all-encompassing belief system. However, at this stage, people tend to have a hard time seeing outside their box and don’t recognize that they are “inside” a believe system. At this stage, authority is usually placed in individuals or groups that represent one’s beliefs. [This is the stage in which many people remain.]

      Stage 4: This is the tough stage, often begun in young adulthood, when people start seeing outside the box and realize that there are other “boxes”. They begin to critically examine their beliefs on their own and often become disillusioned with their former faith. Ironically, the Stage 3 people usually think that Stage 4 people have become “backsliders” when in reality they have actually moved forward.

      Stage 5: It is rare for people to reach this stage before mid-life. This is the point when people begin to realize the limits of logic and start to except the paradoxes in life. They begin to see life as a mystery and often return to sacred stories and symbols but this time without being stuck in a theological box.

      Stage 6: Few people reach the stage. Those who do live their lives to the full in service of others without any real worries or doubts.

    We have come to see that many things thought about as “stages” are not linear in the way they were initially considered to be. A good example is the work around grief done by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. You might want to look at Fowler’s stages of faith through an “As-if frame” allowing us to see even closely-held beliefs simply as having been developed.

    Following a recent day of meditation on line with others around the world, I saw a green stick bug in our yard. It literally emerged from a plant and looked directly at me. It felt significant enough that I looked up the spiritual meaning, and read it’s amazing message.

    Stick Bug symbolism is a reminder that life is full of illusions. Things that look like something but in reality are something entirely different. In other words, we have to see through what we perceive as fact to find the real truth hidden beneath it. Thus, it is now time to examine each of your beliefs one at a time so that you can discard anything that blinds you to reality. This process takes time. However, the Stick Bug meaning is a reminder that what you see is not necessarily what you get. This spirit animal insists that you open your eyes, ears, and mind today to discover a new truth.

    Especially at this time in human history, there is a need for a willingness to recognize the limits of logic and to see life as a mystery.

  • A Profound Truth

    She had received an email of condolence following the passing of a friend from heart failure. In her thank-you reply she shared a few more details including that her friend’s younger son had died of a bee sting at the age of 42, leaving her friend truly heart broken.

    “Her son will be thrilled to greet her….”

    Something about this idea did not sit softly so she wrote back, “I wish we didn’t just think of a reunion happening when we lay the body down but more understand the ongoing love across the veil. Do you know the Abler Soul work? I deeply resonate with it.”

    She sent a link to Sounds True Cynthia Bourgeault: When Two Become One: Love Beyond Death.

    https://resources.soundstrue.com/transcript/cynthia-bourgeault-when-two-become-one-love-beyond-death/?print=print

    Early the next morning she opened to the following message from Neale Donald Walsch, author of the Conversations with God series:

    On this day of your life I believe God wants you to know that there is a family reunion awaiting you, and you will be more overjoyed than you can now begin to imagine.

    On the day you leave your body — what I like to call your Continuation Day you will be greeted by everyone you have ever loved in any way for any reason… and, standing in front of the group, every person who has been so very dear to you. It will be a grand and glorious reunion, with joy and laughter and pure wonderment filling every heart and soul!

    This has also been experienced by everyone who has ever left here — all those who have gone before you — of course.

    So do not grieve for them. They are so very happy!

    I’m not sure why you were meant to hear this on this particular day…but I bet you are…

    Oh, yes, totally clear why she was meant to hear it on this particular day. She was having a conversation with God!

    As Niels Bohr said, “The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth.”

  • Missing Metformin

    It was odd that he would doze off while they watched a bit of TV after dinner. He had done that a lot before being diagnosed with and treated for sleep apnea — but not since he had begun using a CPAP. He was faithful using it every night and even for his afternoon naps.

    This dozing had been happening for a few days. She thought back over the dinner menu, wondering if it been too heavy on carbs as he was also being treated for Type 2 diabetes.

    Saying softly, “You are dozing off again,” resulted in an emotional reaction. He was normally mind-mannered, so she stayed calm as she told him that reaction, too, might indicate something was going on. She suggested he test his glucose level to see and it was a little high but not alarming.

    During the dozing after dinner the previous evening they had considered having him take the Metformin with dinner rather than at bedtime with the rest of his medications and supplements. He got the bottle of Metformin out of the medicine cabinet to identify it in his PM dose but there was not one in the cup. Checking the two-week medication dispenser he discovered there was no Metformin in the following week either.

    How could they have missed the Metformin when they filled his two-week supply? As a precaution, they fill his meds together….

    They were both so thankful her “nagging” sense had led them to discover the missing Metformin.

    Note* One of the ways to harness intuition is to notice some of the signals of intuition. Signals are emotions like fear and anxiety, but also physical sensations—like feeling tense and persistent thoughts, dreams, and suspicions.

  • The Homecoming

    One of her dearest friends died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. She received the news of his transition while she was at the carousel in St. Joseph, Michigan, with her two children and their young families. She truly had never before known such a moment of great joy juxtaposed with such profound grief. A couple of mornings later she thought of Joni Mitchel singing “The Circle Game” with its lyrics saying we are captive on the carousel of time.

    Her friend liked the poetry of Carmelite nun, Jessica Powers. When Powers transitioned, he was one of her pallbearers. The morning after he passed, while she was getting a trivet out of a kitchen cupboard, a piece of paper fell and wedged in a very narrow space between the refrigerator and the cabinet. She had no idea what it was.

    As she fished the piece of paper out she found herself moved to tears realizing she was looking at the opening stanza of “The Homecoming” by Jessica Powers…. sent to her by a friend 18 1/2 years earlier when her husband transitioned!!!

    The Homecoming
    by Jessica Powers.

    The spirit, newly freed from earth,
    is all amazed at the surprise
    of her belonging: suddenly
    as native to eternity
    to see herself, to realize
    the heritage that lets her be
    at home where all this glory lies.

    About a year or so ago, while navigating life conditions with her hundred-year-old father, her friend had shared this thought with her:

      Being really present to physical decline and physical diminishment of those we love can bring on strong feelings of helplessness and the desire to try and fix something we cannot fix or change…. we can only share in the seemingly helpless moment. On a spiritual plane we realize that what is happening is normal/human and ultimately transformative if one draws on inner resources.
  • Agitation and Imagination

      Agitation is interesting.

      Instead of trying to make it go away, allow it to be fully present, so that you can watch and learn its nature clearly.

      ~ The DailyTejaniya

    It is difficult to recall how long ago now I saw so clearly the futility of speaking about a situation that is causing agitation. Any idiot can speak about the problem, but only someone with imagination has the wisdom mind to see solutions.

    You are the only one who knows the conditions in your own life that are currently playing this dynamic out clearly, however, everyone has something going on right now that invites feeling helpless and perhaps even a bit hopeless.

    I have previously mentioned my friend having SERIOUS health conditions in Florida over the winter and since returning to Michigan. (See Anxious Feelings – Power of Presence)

    Well, conditions continue….

    Last week I spent the morning with them at the hospital. She was having the long-awaited cardio version to return her heart to a normal sinus rhythm. We had opportunity to laugh at ourselves and one another. She had been desperate for a hair cut. The day before the cardio version she had an appointment, but when it came time to leave the house she refused to put her slippers on, going to the car instead in her bare feet! Helpless to reason with her, he drove her to the salon only to have her unable to navigate the unbearable heat of the blacktop parking lot. (Plus, with all the shenanigans they were already too late for her appointment!)

    While the three of us waited in pre-op they were both willing and able to confess to and laugh at the absurdity they had collaborated. Unfortunately, we are all prone to mind states and habitual attitudes and unconscious catalysts that augment agitation and interrupt imagination, robbing us of the peace we truly are.

    We talked about how counter productive human behavior can become when conditions prevent us from being able to have or do or be what we desire most — and sometimes actually need. You only have to think for one moment about the political or environmental or institutional climate crisis we are experiencing on this planet to understand fully the feelings leaning toward helplessness or hopelessness. Add as backdrop the layer of the inevitability of old age, illness, and death (from Buddhism: This body is subject to breaking up, subject to being laid down).

    So, this morning I am allowing agitation to be fully present.

    I am remembering how consistent I had to become with taking John’s vitals EVERY DAY and reporting them to his doctor EVERY WEEK for over two years now. You can watch and learn agitation’s nature clearly. The doctors’ agitation with the insurance stranglehold is not other than my own. The agitation with delay in getting access to what we want or need. The agitation that is precariously leaning toward helplessness or hopelessness, but also can open us up to imagination.

    This comes from the preface of Imagine Healing: Guided Imagery to Help You Heal, by Debra Basham and Joel Bowman.

    Woven into the fabric of your illness or health crisis, are the emotional, mental, and spiritual dynamics of both “dis-ease” and well-being. That simply means what is in the way, is the way. The use of your imagination can help you heal now.

    By activating your imagination, you will not only be healing the physical ailment, you will be healing on all levels—body, mind, and spirit. Why settle for healing that is just skin deep, when you can activate your innate healing capacities. Although we cannot “unhappen” history, you are able to experience relief from painful memories, beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, even as you physically heal

    Agitation is interesting.

    Blessed be.

  • Glenaire

    They were both attending a meditation retreat via Zoom.

    The attendees were asked to share a bit of where they are in their practice and/or in life in general.

    “We left our home we had lived in for forty years,” he said. “We moved into a community called Glenaire. It is a huge adjustment, but with all of us living here dealing with age-related dynamics, we take care of one another.”

    Although the guidelines of the retreat discourage speaking directly to another attendee about what he or she has said, she was so strongly moved she had to share.

    “We moved out of the home we had lived in for forty years, too, and into a community called Glen-Aire,” she excitedly said. “I would expect it to be very meaningful that we are here at this retreat together,” she concluded.

    She lives in Michigan. He lives in North Carolina.

    Daily the world grows smaller, leaving understanding the only place where peace can find a home. ~ Huston Smith

    Notes*
    Huston Cummings Smith was a scholar of religious studies in the United States, He authored at least thirteen books on world’s religions and philosophy, and his book about comparative religion, The World’s Religions sold over three million copies as of 2017.

    Glenaire is a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) located in Cary, NC.

    Glen-Aire is a family-owned business established in 1958, located in Lincoln Township, Michigan, about halfway between St. Joseph and Stevensville — approximately three miles from the shores of Lake Michigan.

  • Birthday Beach Frog

    She was walking the beach early in the morning on her birthday June 6, 2024…. conversing with her husband in spirit as she always does…. especially on beach walks. It is always so peaceful for her, and one of their favorite activities together collecting beach glass and rocks.

    Lo and behold! A frog jumped out of Lake Michigan, hopped up the beach, passed where she had stopped suddenly, turned and hopped back into the lake.

    She dropped to her knees. Stunned, although at this point why should she be?

    See Tree Frogs! posted December 1, 2018.

    She is so grateful she has opened her heart and been guided forward on this journey of life without her husband in his physical body next to hers.

    She says, “He is with me always.”

  • Shipshewana Card Fest with Ray

    My renewed interest in collecting and trading sports cards began when I woke up one morning with the thought that I must go look through my old cards. I messaged my mom asking if she could put them on the porch where I could grab them. She immediately called me saying, “I looked at the cards when I was going down the stairs this morning, but actually really looked at them, and remembered how much you enjoyed collecting them.”

    As she said this, I looked down at my feet and saw a small sticker pineapple. This pineapple was given to me at my grandpa’s funeral for being a pallbearer. I had placed this pineapple on the back of my phone as a symbol of my grandpa. Through my work with construction and factory work, the pineapple fell off. I had not seen that pineapple for more than 6 months before it fell at my feet that morning!

    I ended up getting the cards that day and began going through them. It was quite an experience handling the cards I bought when I was 9 years old. It was something my grandpa and I had done together. He showed me how to organize and categorize the cards to complete the set.

    I reached out to my grandma, telling her about my experience and how I had nice memories going through the cards. She told me about his collection and invited me to come out and look through them with her. It was nice getting to talk with her and have the opportunity to see how much thought he put into collecting. She let me take the BOXES of cards home so I could go through them.

    As I was bringing the cards into the house my neighbors and I crossed paths. I shared my story with them and asked if they knew anyone in the hobby. “My dad has been a collector for 50 years!” one of them said. I asked him to put me in touch with him.

    Later that day as I went through the cards (some dating back to 1980!) I thought it was so cool they are almost double my age and that my grandpa was flipping through them that long ago. It was just neat to picture that. I was wondering what he was thinking of at that time as he was going through them.

    After making it through one of the 23 boxes I found myself overwhelmed! I knew I wanted to connect with someone in the hobby, so I reached out to some community pages on Facebook. A guy named Ray commented on my post saying he’d be willing to help me. I began messaging with Ray, along with a couple other people, including my neighbor’s dad.

    Ray and my neighbor’s dad turned out to be the same guy!!! There are no coincidences. Ray helped me go through the cards, letting me know what’s valuable from each brand and era. He told me he was going to a show the following week and asked me if I wanted to go.


    Ray and his son and I went to the Shipshewana Card Fest today. It was a very enjoyable experience. There were so many people and cards!!! I ended up making a trade with a guy for a couple of his cards and I bought quite a few. In November I plan to go with Ray to Chicago to the next show. I am excited to see what comes next….

    I’m glad I listened to the signs from the Universe. The Universe is always speaking to us. It has helped me reconnect with my grandpa, with the joy of card collecting, and with the my younger child-self.

  • Memorable Memorial Day Message

    About 8:30 this morning she saw a post on a friend’s Facebook page. It was a beautiful image with this saying:

    “And it will be our love,
    not our anger,
    that heals the world.”

    The words and image were attributed to Lauren Fortenberry, writer.

    She posted Lauren’s words and image on her own Facebook page.

    Early this afternoon, she opened an email from another friend who shares daily inspirations from a twelve-step program and read this corresponding message to Fortenberry’s words:

    “Soldiers fight not for the hatred
    of the enemy in front of them,
    but for the love
    of the men behind them.”

    These powerful words were attributed to Don E., U.S. Army, 1967–1970.

    A memorable Memorial Day message worth mentioning.