Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: life-after-life

  • A WonderFULL Week

    It has been a truly amazing week. Put yourself in the backseat of my vehicle last Friday as I left Saint Joseph before dawn, and drove to Holland to pick up my nephew. We then drove to Allegan, from Allegan to Grand Rapids, from Grand Rapids back to Holland, from Holland back to Allegan, and then I drove back to Saint Joseph. I was reminded of how we would go for walks in the neighborhood with grandson Bradley when he was little. We made everything an adventure. We were not just walking, we were celebrating life.

    Last Friday, my nephew and I were not just driving, we were sharing moments and making memories.

    I have been thinking a lot about the gifts we get when we give.

    I have also been thinking about the gift of our vulnerability.

    My nephew and I ate apples. “Honeycrisp are my favorite,” he cooed.

    We munched on almonds. “Oh, I love almonds,” he announced.

    We crunched Chinese cracker/cookies and he compared them to the texture of pork rinds. “Do you like pork rinds?” he asked.

    If you have never seen it, you may want to watch Brené Brown’s TED talk “The Power of Vulnerability.” Here are some of her words:

    There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it. They believe they’re worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.

    They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating — as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first … the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees … the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They’re willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.

    We were so long at the Secretary of State we were late for his doctor appointment, and while we were not successful obtaining his license at that time he has it now! We knew we were going to be late, so we called. When we got there I explained everything we had been through that day to get to the doctor and why my nephew really needed to be seen that day. I also told them I know how difficult it is when someone is not able to be on time. I asked them to please do what you could.

    As we waited, we watched a baby.

    We were late for that, too, but after my nephew saw the doctor we made it to his job interview! He is still in the running for that job, and we are grateful and also for a couple of other solid opportunities.

    We finally got lunch at 5:05 pm. I know exactly what time it was because we missed happy hour at Arby’s by five minutes. I splurged for a Jamocha Shake anyway. As we ate, we marveled at all we accomplished that day and how much fun we had together.

    Brown observed another significant aspect of those who were willing to be vulnerability:

    And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and — this was the hard part — as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.

    Tomorrow morning I will go back to Allegan. I will take gifts of bedding and towels and dishes and a coffee pot. People have been generous and we are thankful. We might again go to Holland, I don’t know for sure yet. Where ever we go, it will be an adventure.

    This evening my nephew said, “I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

    I told him repayment for kindness is never necessary. I suggested he just hold his gratitude in his body and say, “I am so grateful I can feel my heart full to overflowing.”

    I know just how he feels.

  • May 20

    Sacred Stories

    It was not the one they thought they wanted, but she called the number on the “For Sale” sign in the front window as her husband walked around the outside of the manufactured home. The man who answered the phone said he could be there in about ten minutes.

    “This was my mom’s home. She passed and I am here from California needing to sell it,” he told them.

    “My mother-in-law passed a year and a half ago, so we understand how hard that is. When did your mom pass?” she asked him.

    “My mom passed on May 20th,” he answered.

    “My mom passed on May 20th, 2003,” she shared.

    “My mom’s funeral was on May 23rd,” he continued.

    “My mom’s funeral was on May 23rd!” she blurted out.

    Walking in the front door, they loved the home immediately. Giving him verbal agreement to purchase the home she left with a copy of the paperwork detailing the original purchase of the home. Looking it over later that evening she noticed the purchase date: May 20!

    You can imagine these two mothers were working in spirit to bring things together around this home for their children.

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Google Maps and 70×7

    Tears were right on the surface for me today.

    “I know where I was 51 years ago today! Happy birthday to our sweetest darling,” I sent email to our daughter.

    “Thanks for keeping me!!!!!” she responded.

    I quickly wrote back:

    That made me cry….

    You were not a planned pregnancy, but you were a totally wanted baby. We were madly in love with each other and madly in love with you.

    You are the joy of our lives.

    And a truly remarkable (and HOT) woman.

    And an amazing mom.

    And an inspiration.

    These are just a few of the things that are true about your magnificence!

    She also quickly wrote back: “LOL – now we are both crying! Well, being loved so much, unconditionally, your unending support, and your amazing example is how I am the woman I am today. How could I be anything but remarkable, hot, amazing, inspirational and magnificent when I come from parents that are remarkable, hot, amazing, inspirational and magnificent!!! I love you both so very much!!!!!”

    My day did not go as I had expected. I did not get out for a bike ride and I did not make it to Sangha or to see the film “Rooted in Peace.” Instead, I drove my nephew (out on parole just 32 days) to a Men’s Mission in another county.

    On the drive emotions were tense. We did not know if the Mission would accept him because he had no proof that he had been a county resident for at least 30 days. Calls to his parole officer; calls to the Mission; more calls to the parole officer; and even more calls to the Mission.

    Google Maps first delivered us to the women’s shelter. They gave us the address for the Men’s Mission.

    Then Google Maps took us to a senior facility. Explaining that we were trying to find the Men’s Mission, a woman with kind eyes and a soft voice said, “I don’t know how the GPS got you here, we are not even on River Street, we are on State Street.”

    Another woman—a colleague of some sort—stopped and got a map for us and gave us directions to the Mission. Then the two of them brainstormed other possible resources, the one woman taking time by providing addresses and phone numbers.

    Someone at 70×7 Life Recovery answered the phone, made a call to the Men’s Mission, and got my nephew into the Mission for the night!

    Every moment men and women all around the planet face overwhelming odds to put their lives back together. Certainly families in Las Vegas will be doing that following the mass shooting. Those who have lost their homes and businesses in the recent hurricanes will be doing that. Mothers whose children and wives whose husbands have recently passed will be doing that.

    “You are just in time for dinner,” my nephew was told upon arrival at the Mission. We declined a sincere offer for us to join them for dinner, needing to get back home.

    Leaving my nephew at the Mission, we drove again in search of some “cabins” that rent for a weekly amount. His parole officer had told him about them and we had missed the dirt road when we looked for the earlier. This time we spotted the row of mail boxes. A thin, fragile, woman stood in front of them, with extremely poor dental hygiene, but she was willing to answer our questions. “Are you a resident here? Is this the place that rents by the week? Do you know if there are any vacancies? Do you have a stove and a fridge? A bed? (She said you have to furnish your own bed.) Do you know the number we can call?” She did not know the number.

    I spotted a sign with the number to call about rentals at the end of the drive on the side of the building. “We can pull in and get the number,” I told her.

    “I can give the number to you. I can see it from here.” She read the number to me, making sure I had written it down correctly.

    Today was a day with thoughts of resilience. I found these words online:
    Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes. Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make someone resilient, among them a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Even after misfortune, resilient people are blessed with such an outlook that they are able to change course and soldier on.

    That ability to regulate our emotions is a very big deal. I choked back tears as I thanked the woman with almost no teeth but very good vision and we slowly drove through allowing me to take a couple of photos of the modest cabins. I don’t know if my nephew will live there. Thinking about that possibility seems at once both tragic and triumphant.

    I wonder what someone could do with that amazing vision. Perhaps she could read to the blind.

    Profound gratitude for those who make a place for men and women who find themselves homeless washed over and over me.

    I told my nephew perhaps he will come to work at a Mission someday.

    For sure, today, we had much to be thankful for. Even Google Maps sending us somewhere other than where we thought we were headed so we could end up getting there….

    WE HELP OTHERS OVERCOME
    One Story. One Relationship. One Day at a Time.
    70×7 Life Recovery provides the tools to assist those in the addiction recovery process. If you are re-entering society from a life of incarceration – you are recovering your life — you are starting over. If you are looking for a place to find freedom from drugs, alcohol and other addictive habits — you are starting over. 70×7 Life Recovery works with individuals in letting go of the prison or addict mentality.

    Our Mission is to restore Dignity, Purpose and Hope to a recovery community one Relationship at a time.

  • Electric Heater

    Sacred Stories
    A woman and her husband and 1 year-old daughter were refugees. They had escaped Communist Poland and had made it to Germany but were living in one classroom in a condemned school. There was electricity but no running water or toilet or heat. They had only a thin mattress pad on the floor.

    One night the frost was two inches thick on the inside of the window from their breath. The woman was too cold to sleep and told her husband better they go back to Poland where they may or may not be killed than to die living like that.

    He put on his coat and left the room. She assumed he had left to get away from her nagging when he was also feeling so helpless.

    Moments later, he returned with an electric space heater. He told her he had left because he had received a message to go out and look in the trash on the curb. That is where he had found the heater.

    They plugged the heater in and worked. They had heat the rest of the winter!

    Today they are very successful living in the U.S. in a 3,500 square foot home – but they remember this evidence that our needs can be met in extraordinary ways.

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Divine Connections


    Today, I will stop straining to know what I don’t know.
    To see what I can’t see.
    To understand what I don’t yet understand.
    I will trust that being is sufficient,
    And I will let go of my need to figure things out.

    The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

    My heart and mind is so full my fingers must dance around the keyboard so I can sit in my skin. Sometimes you see life’s unfolding right before your eyes as has been my experience in spades the past couple of days.

    I had been invited to join a friend in Sunday’s Apple Cider Century bike ride. We have done it together before and had a great time but it was forecast to be very hot for September in Michigan. I thought that was why I was iffy about whether I was to go.

    Saturday evening I got word about a close friend who was in the hospital in another city following back surgery. She had been doing quite well but ended up having back spasms that they could not mitigate. “This would be a good time for a visit,” was the text message from her fiancé. She was experiencing inconsolable pain when I arrived. This is the same friend who was my advocate and healer when I had surgery in November 2012. It was an honor and a horror to be there with her. And I was not alone.

    Our now mutual friend met me there at the hospital. It was Doris who introduced me to Healing Touch back in the nineties. I choked back the emotion as I began doing the work. What a sacred circle of love we are….

    Thankfully, a whiff of relief came from the combination of medical intervention, energy healing, and grace. Several hours later, she was settled back in bed, her fiancé was with her, so I headed home. Another text from him popped in as I was driving, “She is sleeping soundly now.”

    Before going to bed I sent a my friend a text message saying I was just now home and so I would not be joining her on the bike ride the next morning.

    Sunday morning at 9 am I received a text message from my sister in Texas asking if this was a good time for her to call me. I have not spoken to her in decades…. I told her it was a perfect time for her to call. She was sharing a health situation she has been navigating because it might have an impact on my sister and me and our daughters. She had undergone surgery about 8 weeks ago. Is it a coincidence about that same time I was feeling the need to go to Texas to see her?

    We talked for an hour. It felt like no time had passed. In our heartfelt sharing the chasm of religiosity that had been a greater distance between us than the miles from Michigan to Texas dissipated like a bubble when it pops.

    If I had been on the bike ride I would not have been available for that call.

    After we hung up I sent her this photo that is hanging on my wall here in the tiny house.

    Divine connections revealing themselves….

  • Pauline Court

    Sacred Stories

    She had kept the interfaith menorah with the tall glass oil lamps in her basement for 12 years. Made especially for them by a Carmelite nun, it was a very powerful presence for their interfaith fellowship but the center where their group met had closed in 2005. Downsizing her home now there was no place to store it. She was so relieved Interfaith Center for Spiritual Growth, located several hours drive away in Ann Arbor, had spoken of wanting one and would be glad to have it!

    “Let’s be open to an easy way of getting it safely to you,” she said to the director of the center.

    The following week a friend from Florida was visiting. Chatting about his schedule, he said he would be going to Ann Arbor.

    “I have an interfaith menorah I need to get to Ann Arbor.” He was willing to take it so they began exploring what made sense about him dropping it off or having someone pick it up she asked him the address where he would be staying.

    “My cousin lives on Pauline Court,” he said.

    She made a call to the director of the center and was told a member of the interfaith group lived on Pauline Court and could easily pick the menorah up.

    Her friend was very amazed at the ease of delivery and he mused, “What are the odds? Pauline Court is just a short little street….”

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Mediums

    Affirmations:
    I do not know what is the truth for you.
    I know what is mine to know in each moment.
    I trust in my inner guidance to guide me to what is best for me.
    I easily forgive and release what is no longer the best for me.
    Betty Lue’s Loving Reminders

    “What do you think about Mediums?” she asked.

    She had come along with her husband who was helping my husband build a new porch.

    “I love them,” I replied. “Why do you ask?”

    She went on to share about her niece having recently received a message from Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium. The niece was not a believer, but she knew beyond a doubt the message had come from her mother to offer her support and encouragement.

    As the other two women arrived, I whispered, “This conversation probably is best finished now because Marge (not her real name) would likely not be comfortable with the subject.” I knew Marge had a very different world view.

    We all pulled up bar stools around the island in our tiny kitchen. I poured ice water and put some chips and homemade chocolate chip cookies on the counter and stirred the sloppy joes on the stove. Soon the first woman began telling the story about the Long Island Medium’s message to her niece, and before I knew it I was also telling about the time my client blurted out, “So you are the woman with the green fairy hanging above the table!” A medium had told her about a woman with a green fairy hanging above her table.

    I could tell this did not sit well with Marge. She actually got up and walked away as I shared how the medium my client had visited lived a normal life in her community but would travel to other locations to give messages from loved ones who have passed, messages which are always loving and reassuring.

    I went on to explain how the medium tried to ignore the spiritual gift for a long time. One day (several years prior) this medium was at work when the image of a young woman’s face popped into her mind’s eye, along with a message. Not recognizing the face and somewhat accustomed to strange inner experiences, she ignored the message until later that evening when she saw the same face on the 6 o’clock news! A fatal auto accident had taken the life of that young woman the night before and it was obvious she had been given a message to the family.

    Running from the living room choking back tears, she knelt in the privacy of her bedroom and sobbed as she prayed, “God, I don’t know why you gave me this gift, and I really have not wanted it, but if you will guide me I will do my best to share what you call me to share.”

    This morning I was still processing all of this and wondering if I should send Marge a text or a note acknowledging what seemed to be an uncomfortable situation with the subject. Lost in that make-believe world as I was making my bed, I stepped on something. There on the floor was the gemstone given to me a couple of months ago by a woman in my hometown who gives spiritual readings. I had been instructed to put the stone under my pillow, and it had been tied in a drawstring bag and safety pinned to the pillow all this time. The bag was still tied, and still pinned to the pillow inside the case, but the stone had been on the floor and was now in my hand.

    I began to think about the courage it takes to honor our experiences. I remember when a dear friend apologized that I had been “outed” because she had written about me in her blog, saying that I talk to dead people. (See Ella’s Soapbox.)

    As I held that gem stone in my hand, this is what I heard in my head:

    I don’t talk to dead people. I talk to people no longer in body.

    Just because you haven’t had the experience does not mean that the experience is not real. And just because someone’s experience of God does not fit with your experience of God, does not mean it is not a valid experience of God.

    I wonder why the woman told the story about her niece’s message from the Long Island Medium knowing Marge would likely not be comfortable with the subject of mediums. And I am curious about my own sharing the story of the medium who told my client about the woman with the green fairy hanging over her table. We may never know for sure the answers to all of our questions but Marge’s husband passed away one month ago today…

  • Newsletter

    Sacred Stories

    Taking the mail out of the box, her eyes landed on the name and number of her friend on the back of the newsletter. Her friend’s husband was quite ill. She picked up the phone and made a call.

    “What led you to call today?” her friend’s voice was quivering.

    “I got my district newsletter and saw your name and number. I needed to pick up the phone and give you a call.”

    “We aren’t on that list,” her friend said. Looking down on the page, her friend’s name and number was not there!

    Her friend’s husband had just passed away that morning….

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Seesaw and Ups and Downs

    I just spoke with a dear friend. She is my sister from another mister. We are soul mates, and we have such sweet sincere respect and love for one another. We were sharing about the privilege of lifting one another up, and being confident we always get our turn. The metaphor that popped into my mind is that of a seesaw.

    Seesaws (also known as a teeter-totter) were commonplace on the playgrounds where we grew up.

    The seesaw is supported by a single pivot point. As one end goes up, the other goes down.

    My heart is filled with compassion for so many in our world. Irma has left many homeless, even if some only temporarily. It will be a long while before things settle to a new normal.

    A friend here in Michigan fell and is now in the hospital in horrific pain made worse by his blindness. He has lost his sister and his brother and now lives alone.

    What is an appropriate response? The following email message came from my teacher/friend, Barbara Brodsky, and her teacher/friend, Aaron. I have not asked permission to share it with you, but I know they will be glad to have you take it to heart and to share it with others.

    Dear friends,

    I have been watching the news and weather through the weekend with sadness, as I know is true for many of you. Harvey caused (and continues to cause) so much suffering as people lost homes, livelihoods and even lives. Irma will continue such suffering. Deep Spring Center is a national/ international sangha. In the past weeks and this week, I have spoken to friends in Texas and now in Florida, who have lost homes, have had to evacuate, and have felt bewildered and afraid. Such pain is a natural consequence of such uncertainty. We cannot fix it for ourselves or others, only hold it all in love.

    My first tendency was to think, “I offer you love,” whether it be to a person, place or situation. Aaron reminded me that to offer love is a subtle act of separation. It’s better than nothing, and does help, but it is also me, separate from you, trying to give you something to help your pain. It is a statement that it is your situation and pain though, and I need not experience it directly.

    He asked me to substitute, “I hold you in my heart,” with the recognition that we are one. “Your pain and my pain are one; your loss and my loss are one.” As in that beautiful chant with the lines, “because I am in you, and you are in me.”

    The natural human tendency is to want to separate ourselves from pain, from chaos and from helplessness, and to feel safe and in control. But life is often not that way. Acknowledging this truth, can we allow ourselves to be truly vulnerable and be touched by our pain?

    Please join me opening your hearts to our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, our children, ourselves, in Houston, the Caribbean, Florida, and also in Mexico that has just suffered a strong earthquake, in places where there is war, and in the parts of the world where people go to bed hungry and sick. Please join me with the loving thought, “I hold you in my heart. Your pain and my pain are one.” In this way, the true energy of Love becomes available to all. We are not helpless; this is something real, to open our hearts to our own and the world’s suffering. We are bigger and stronger than we think.

    May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.
    May all beings dwell in the Heart of Love.
    May all beings everywhere find freedom and perfect peace.

    With love,
    Barbara and Aaron

    Some days we are up physically and down emotionally. Other days we are up emotionally but down physically. Whether the storms of life have you at the top of the seesaw where it is high and dry or the bottom where it is flooded with pain, we are able to know the truth of the ups and downs. As Barbara and Aaron expressed, “May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.” We are bigger and stronger than we think.

  • The Shack

    Sacred Stories

    The end of the movie really didn’t make sense to her, so when she took a friend who was having some very hurtful family dynamics to see it (thinking it would be healing for her) she was also looking forward to having an opportunity to maybe understand that last scene.

    When she watched the movie the second time with her friend, that scene was not in the movie.

    She realized immediately the mystical experience working to get her to bring her friend, who was affected by the film.

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.