Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: kindness

  • Acts of Kindness

    She met him while riding bike with her parents during a week’s visit in the Fort Myers, Florida, area. A Veteran, he was laboriously walking with a cane, pulling a basket behind him, stopping every few steps to lean and breathe. Her dad asked him, “Are you going to make it home?”

    “As long as I don’t pass out….” was the reply.

    She was off her bike, and began pulling his heavy load, holding his hand to support him as her parents pushed her bike along behind.

    They made it to his house where she helped get his purchases into the house. She was bereft when she rejoined her mom and dad. “No one should have to live like that….” they heard her say over-and-over between sobs describing despicable conditions. As they rode back home she spoke of getting him a better cart and filling it with supplies.

    Acts of kindness must have some special attention from LIFE, because the community where her parents winter was having a trash-to-treasure sale with pre-sales to the volunteers the next morning. When the neighbor across the street learned of their intention, he picked them up in his golf kart and they were able to buy a very high-end walker with a seat.

    They fitted the walker with a basket and later went shopping so the walker will be delivered filled with two bags of pull-tab and non-perishable foods!

    No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~ Aesop

  • We Need More of That

    While the news
    often features the worst of humanity,
    there are a billion acts
    of human kindness every hour of every day!
    Take another breath and sense this truth.
    ~ Jack Kornfield

    Saturday morning when John got up he told me there was blood on his pillowcase and sheets. He assumed the blood came from his nose although it’s not like he has anything more than normal for him going on with his sinuses.

    I learned how to clean up blood using peroxide during a trauma with a precious friend years ago…. so I set to work. As I was working, I saw John’s face and he had such disgust — like he was feeling angry or guilty about my having to clean that up. It just about broke my heart. I stopped what I was doing walked over where he was standing in front of the chest of drawers. I just put my arms around him and told him to please not have that attitude toward himself.

    A few miles from here is a hospice garden. It was mindfully designed as a space of serenity and for years was beautifully tended. Benches and bricks wore memorial plaques. Butterflies graced the bushes and bees buzzed, all enjoying the nectar of plantings perfectly placed. Sadly, now the benches are overturned and the garden is overgrown. But there amidst the unruliness still stands the most perfect wind feature I have ever experienced.


    It was windy and it was Saturday and as I was riding my bike over there, I began to cry. Tears of release flowed with the awareness of deep forgiveness for all the times I’ve been the one who has been critical rather than kind. Critical of John. Critical of myself. Critical of this wonderful world.

    I shared all of that during Sunday morning’s meditation’s after-sharing.

    Virginia told about the divisiveness in her community about current events and about having seen a video on Instagram.”Irene’s Entropy” posted about having been hired to do a gig, along with a couple of bands but then the next door neighbor also was having a party with an outdoor band! Separating these two backyards was a simple chain link fence. Ugh…. and to make matters worse, these neighbors did not even speak the same language, one English-speaking and one Spanish-speaking.

    Irene is bilingual so she went to the neighbors. Everyone was sorry for the mix-up. They decided what would work would be to alternate. She would do a couple of songs, then the other band would do a couple of songs. So she started out with a couple of Fleetwood Mac songs and when she finished the Mexican band started cheering for her! Then when their band finished a couple of songs, she started cheering for them and all the people joined her. Back and forth, this went on for two hours.

    When it was their last song Irene said, “Hey, do you guys know any songs in Spanish that I could sing with you?” They asked if she knew
    ‘You’re Still The One’ by Shania Twain. She said, “Absolutely!”

    He leaned toward her across the chain link fence separating them and asked, “Are you going to sing it from the United States or are you going to cross the border, I mean the fence?” She crossed the fence and sang with the band, and the people from her side of the fence came over too. After the song finished they took a big group photo of everyone together!

    The after-sharing also included Karuna sharing a true story about two men in India who had to leave their home town during the pandemic because there was no work. They were not friends. They were separated by the caste system and by their different religious beliefs. They became friends in their dire circumstances and when they were on the bus together going back to their homes, one man became sick. It was not Covid, but because of the pandemic and the fear the man was put off the bus in the middle of nowhere. The other man would not leave his friend, so he got off the bus too.

    Left as they were, he could not save his friend from dying of dehydration. What he did, however, was almost unbelievable. He managed to get the body back to the man’s family so his friend could be properly mourned and the body respectfully tended.

    Irene closed her podcast speaking about people that love and believe in themselves so much that they start believing in their neighbor. “That they cross borders and fences and language barriers to believe in each other and hold these human experiences. Where we can appreciate and love the fact that we are human. That we are mothers and fathers and daughters and sons and friends and that we are all experiencing the same things in life. Birthdays and anniversaries and some get cancer or someone’s dying. Someone is grieving. Someone is loving. Someone is enjoying life. These things are what make us human. We need more of that….”

    There are a billion acts of human kindness every hour of every day!

    We need more of that….

  • Your Place in the Family of Things

    A few days ago, the mold saga continued as late in the evening our friend ripped up carpet preparing for solid flooring installation in the manufactured home she bought here in our park and found this:

    (see Lessons from the Mold)

    She was having a very difficult time navigating all of the uncertainty. I totally get that. I said I would come the following day while she was at work and I would get the rest of the carpeting up so she would know the scope of the problem.

    We are now lovingly calling my friend’s space ‘AREA 51’ as her home is located on Lot 51.

    It never occurred to me that evening I would know to ask for help even as I was giving help.

    There is a story of the Buddha when in a past life he offered himself as food to a hungry tiger and her cubs. The story says when you start off by sharing your dinner with the hungry tiger cub and then some years or lifetimes later, you are giving your dinner, it’s only a natural next step to simply give yourself. For one for whom there is a giver it would not be an appropriate action, it would create an unwholesome karma for both you and the tiger cub. What happens is at some point there is no giver and no one given to. You are not making a martyr of yourself, because there’s really no distinction between you and the hungry tiger. You see the being suffering and you give.

    The following morning, as I prepared to head over to her home, I spontaneously wrote a note to the guy across the street, “I need someone with strength at Lot 51 for a few minutes.” He arrived home from the gym as I was writing the note, so I walked across the street and knocked on his door. I pointed to the note, told him what happened, and said simply, “I could use your help ripping up the rest of the carpet.”

    He walked over as I drove. There he stood—with a large pair of pliers, a utility knife, and a snub-nosed spade. He was amazing…. He showed me how to use the spade, and by working together, in less than an hour, we had all carpet and pad removed.

    And we found NO additional mold. I sent my friend these photos:

    I came home to have some lunch and rest a bit. I wrote a ‘thank you’ note, slipped 3 twenty-dollar bills into it, and taped it on his door as I headed back to remove the tack strips, pull up the linoleum, and sweep up the mess.

    When I got back home the 3 twenty-dollar bills were in this envelope taped on my door:

    When I saw him later, he grinned and said, “I kept the card.”

      Wild Geese

      You do not have to be good.
      You do not have to walk on your knees
      for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
      You only have to let the soft animal of your body
      love what it loves.
      Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
      Meanwhile the world goes on.
      Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
      are moving across the landscapes,
      over the prairies and the deep trees,
      the mountains and the rivers.
      Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
      are heading home again.
      Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
      the world offers itself to your imagination,
      calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
      over and over announcing your place
      in the family of things.

      ~Mary Oliver

  • Mulling About the Mundane

    I am working on the theme of Mundane Made Holy for the Mother’s Day service at Pilgrim United Church of Christ. That had me checking online for antonyms for ‘mundane.’ Here are just a few:
    One rainy morning this week, I was moved near tears with gratitude for being able to walk over to the little community center and ride the stationary bicycle. It is not always possible to do what you really desire, but life continuously provides us with wonderful options. I could have grumbled about not being able to ride outdoors in the warmth and sunshine.

    Walking home, as I went past the home one of our neighbors, Mark, I was again awash with gratitude. Shortly after we moved in, Mark came over and helped John with the demo and construction of our new deck. It was hot. The work was hard. We did not know Mark, and he certainly did not owe us anything. Some internal sense of willingness moved him to this generosity of time and energy.


    I hope you can see the list of opposites to the word mundane and find yourself inspired.

    Mother Teresa is given credit for having said, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

    This is how you make the mundane holy….

  • It Is Only Mud!

    I was going to stop at a nearby apple stand on the way to my doctor’s appointment, but was a wee bit tight on time. Thanksgiving would be missing something without my mom’s Dutch apple pie. It is my contribution to bring Michigan apples to Tennessee for the pies.

    I had just loaded my precious apples into the front seat of my van when another customer arrived. The man had a couple of questions about the varieties and prices, and since he assumed I am a person who knows something, I helped him make his selection.

    As I came back around my van to get into the driver’s seat, I noticed another vehicle in the circle drive way across the lawn. A woman was standing in front of it, looking stressed.

    I called over to her, “Do you need some help?”

    Nodding her head, she called back, “Yes, we are stuck.”

    Thinking I was just doing some quick in-and-out-of-the-car errands, I had no hat or gloves. The wind was brisk as I walked across the lot.

    A younger man, perhaps a son, was on his hands and knees, digging behind the back tire with a small stick. Dressed only in athletic shorts and a light jacket, he was down on the cold, damp ground.

    “We could use some cardboard,” the woman said.

    I hiked back across the lawn, and opened the back of my van. I knew I had unloaded some cardboard boxes earlier, sending them to recycling. I grabbed the only thing in there—a white rag rug. By standing on tip-toe, and leaning over the counter into the apple stand, I was able to reach a small board that had “PEACHES” painted on one side.

    I hiked back across the lawn, clutching the rug in one hand and the board in the other.

    The woman looked at the rug and shook her head, “I don’t want to get your rug muddy….”

    “It is only mud,” I pointed out.

    I was finally able to convince them we could use the rug under one tire and the board under the other for traction. Cautioning the woman to step on the gas very slowly, I went to the front of her vehicle to push. She got in, put the vehicle in reverse, and I pushed.

    Success!

    It is our experience that if we feel hateful, we act hatefully. If we feel loving, we act lovingly. Likewise, if we truly feel that everything and every one is an expression of the same one Reality that we ourselves are, we will act accordingly and will quite literally behave towards others as we would behave towards ourselves.

    (The Transparency of Things, by Rupert Spira)

    Today is only November 19, but the season of kindness has already arrived.

    This year, let’s see if we can all remember it is only a rug, and it is only mud, whatever it is. Let’s be intentional to have kindness last until this time next year, and then let’s start the season of kindness all over again.

    Here is the freshly washed rug, no worse for the wear.

  • Opinion Columnist

    I applied for the position of an “Opinion Columnist” in our local newspaper. A good friend/writer colleague had suggested I apply.

    It might seem odd to those who might think a committed spiritual person may not have a lot of interest in the things of the world, but that is untrue. We care deeply about all of life, and we recognize our life in this world as the richest venue for development of consciousness.

    Admittedly, spiritual practices are not the most commonly recognized ways of making a positive contribution.

    For example, this quotation by Lewis Thomas that was the WORD FOR THE DAY from Gratefulness.org today: Society evolves not by shouting each other down, but by the unique capacity of unique, individual human beings to comprehend each other. An entire program of Nonviolent Communication has been developed by Marshall Rosenberg.

    When I opened the Thought for Today from Deep Spring Center, Aaron’s words fit beautifully:

    When groups get together to make a statement such as about the war, it’s easy for the fear elements of the group to become the most loudly heard. Thus in your present world it is all the more important that those of you who have some clarity and know how to be present with your fear with spaciousness, step forth and become an active voice for a force of change, a true expression of soul force, or satyagraha. You must be willing to actively involve yourself with the world rather than withdrawing from the world, for it is only by the modeling of you who are more clearly that others can learn such clarity.

    Satyagraha is the idea of nonviolent resistance (fighting with peace) started by Mahatma Gandhi. Gandhi used satyagraha in the Indian independence movement and also during his earlier struggle in South Africa.

    The best way to understand this idea is to be honest about what I am feeling. If I am feeling angry, I am adding anger to the pot. Fortunately, it is possible to desire change, to speak up against things like cruelty or injustice, and to do so with a heart of genuine love. I can even feel compassion for those I am calling forth a different behavior from.

    The Kusala Sutta from the Buddha speaks clearly to this idea:

    Abandon what is unskillful . . . One can abandon the unskillful. If it were not possible, I would not ask you to do so. If this abandoning of the unskillful would bring harm and suffering, I would not ask you to abandon it. But as the abandoning of the unskillful brings benefit and happiness, Therefore, I say, ‘Abandon what is unskillful!’

    Cultivate that which is skillful. One can cultivate the skillful. If it were not possible, I would not ask you to do it. If this cultivation of the skillful would bring harm and suffering, I would not ask you to do it.

    I will let you know if I get the columnist position. It is a nonpaid job, but my opinion might just be very valuable.

    In the meantime, just remember it is possible!

  • Know Your DNA?

    It is Labor Day Weekend. For everyone here in Michigan, public schools are starting next week. The weather has taken a turn toward the cool, and the prairies are looking quite like autumn. Change is palpable….

    As I sit at my desk, looking out over the back yard, working at the keyboard, Hummingbirds are chasing one another away from the feeder. Even a bee is joining in with this game, each claiming territory and working hard to maintain it.

    I just watched a very interesting 5 minute video. A roomful of people were discussing how each felt some bias against other nationalities. These individuals were then each asked to undergo a DNA test. The results were quite shocking and rather life-changing…

    That we belong to one another is not a surprise to those with a spiritual leaning. That is why my email signature line is a quotation by Mother Teresa: “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Our connection comes as no surprise to scientists either. The evidence has proven we actually all have more in common than we ever imagined.

    Although scientists have long recognised that, despite physical differences, all human populations are genetically similar, the new work concludes that populations from different parts of the world share even more genetic similarities than previously assumed.

    All humans are 99.9 per cent identical and, of that tiny 0.1 per cent difference, 94 per cent of the variation is among individuals from the same populations and only six per cent between individuals from different populations.

    (See 0.1 per cent difference.)

    Bertrand Russell says, “There is no reason to suppose that the world had a beginning at all. The idea that things must have a beginning is really due to the poverty of our thoughts.” Possibly, it is this same poverty of our thoughts that had allowed people to think any group was superior and/or any other group was inferior. Perhaps as science and spirituality shine new perspectives on the same truth, humans may find it is easy now to feel our connections to one another and to all sentient beings.

    We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

    Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

    Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

    Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

    Yes, if everyone just had that DNA test done, you would have proof of the truth. School is starting. The season is changing. This is the time to embrace who we really are…