Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Jana Stanfield

  • Dad is Calling

    Still recovering from a recent surgery, she was following in own her car on their way to one of the kid’s football game. They needed to make a stop to also pick up a friend — that was why she needed to drive separately. The place was rather notorious, having once been Al Capone’s house. Capone was a famous gangster. The property had underground tunnels to the river for eluding the police. She new this property. Considered haunted, it was a dare-destination during her youth, usually around Halloween.

    As she was leaving the former Capone property her phone rang. On the dashboard screen she could see, “Dad” is calling. Well, she knew that could not be, her dad had passed years back. His number was not even in her phone any more. She pushed the button on her steering wheel to end the call. The call continued to ring. She pushed several more times and then she also pushed the decline button on the screen multiple times before the call finally stopped.

    Over the rest of the drive to the game “Dad” called a total of five times! Each time it took multiple tries to get the connection to end. She realized clearly this was a visit from her dad.

    Curious about the phone number of those incoming calls, when she got home after the game she looked in her phone. Not one of those recent calls was listed! Not one….

    As she was telling a friend about the Dad is calling experience, she confessed, “I never went to that property when all the kids were going. I was a woose. I was not brave enough to go.”

    The friend thought it seemed like her dad’s message might be that she is not a woose, that she is brave, and the friend inquired as to how many surgeries she had undergone. “It seems like lots,” she answered with a laugh.

    The friend sent her a link to Jana Stanfield singing “If I Were Brave.”

      What would I do if I knew that I could not fail?
      If I believed, would the wind always fill up my sail?
      How far would I go?
      What could I achieve trusting the hero in me?
      If I were brave, I’d walk the razor’s edge (if I were brave)
      Where fools and dreamers dare to tread
      I’d never lose faith (never lose faith) even when losing my way


    She sent the friend a text message back saying, “Ya know, I was counting my surgeries and it feels like I’ve had so many but, yes, there were five!”

  • Are You Afraid?

    This past Saturday night our daughter Stacey and her husband hosted a Bon Voyage-Slushy Party. Approximately 75 friends and family feasted on Doug’s pulled pork, beef brisket, and homemade Granny’s BBQ sauce.

    Here is the crew starting to pull the pork:

    Here is the morning after in the back yard, with barely any evidence of the partying that happened the night before:

    Doug’s smoker has been sold, and regular readers of this blog know Stacey and Doug are about to pull up anchor and go on an adventure.

    One question was asked of me sooooooo many times over the evening. “Are you afraid?” If I were the one going on this trip, I would be afraid. I am not afraid for Stacey or Doug.

    The following is scheduled to be published in our local paper on Saturday, but many more readers have access to this blog so I am sharing it early.

    Living Your Dreams

    On October 3, 2019, our daughter, Stacey, turns 53 years old.

    Four days later, she and her husband, Doug, are scheduled to be dropped off at a marina in Paris Landing, Kentucky. They plan to motor their 34-foot sailboat down to the Gulf of Mexico, sail across the Gulf of Mexico, sail around the Florida Keys, and then sail on to the British Virgin Islands where they will live on the boat for the next year or more.

    They have spent over three years totally reconditioning the boat. This past April, they renamed her Lady Gail after our son-in-law’s mother. Our daughter never met her, but Gail lives on in Doug’s dream.

    On October 7, 1919—exactly 100 years to the day before their planned departure date—Stacey’s paternal grandfather was born. Doug never met him, but Grandpa B too lives on in their dream.

    During the ceremony to rename the boat, our grandson, Brad, and my husband, John, played guitar and sang along with our granddaughter, Courtney. The song, “Save Some Time to Dream,” by John Mellencamp, was a surprise.

    The message of the song is powerful. Could it be that this is all there is? Could it be there’s nothing more at all? Save some time to dream. ‘Cause your dream could save us all.

    Stacey cried. So did I.

    A few years ago, Doug was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation (also called AFib or AF), a quivering or irregular heartbeat (arrhythmia) that can lead to blood clots, stroke, heart failure, and other heart-related complications. At least 2.7 million Americans are living with AFib.

    This sailing adventure is major. It was scheduled for last year, but Doug ended up needing a major surgical procedure on his heart. Two cardiovascular surgeons worked simultaneously to perform an inside-outside cardiac ablation. We are so grateful it was totally successful!

    So many people give up on their dreams.

    A handwritten note with a quotation from Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother and Daughter Journey, by New York Times bestselling author, Sue Monk Kidd, and her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor, hangs on the side of my computer: “This is a really good idea. Before you dismiss it, remember how you felt when it came to you.”

    Someone told Stacey she must really love sailing to do this. Stacey said, “Not really, but Doug really loves sailing, and I really love Doug.”

    A plaque with the words of Mark Twain hangs in Lady Gail’s galley: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

    Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, inspirational writer and teacher, said, “Don’t die with your music still in you.”

    Stacey and Doug’s living their dream encourages us all to live our dreams. During the time they are gone, I expect I will journal more about my experience of their being gone. It is so very tender.

    Doug’s father lost a toe, a foot, and a leg last year—the result of a cut cuticle in a pedicure that could not heal due to diabetes.

    This year, Stacey’s dad is working through some health stuff.

    None of us are spring chickens. But we are all so proud of them.

    So many people give up on their dreams.

    Jana Stanfield sings:
    What would I do if I knew that I could not fail
    If I believed would the wind always fill up my sail
    How far would I go, what could I achieve /Trusting the hero in me
    If I were brave I’d walk the razor’s edge
    Where fools and dreamers dare to tread
    Never lose faith, even when losing my way
    What step would I take today if I were brave
    What would I do today if I were brave
    What if we’re all meant to do what we secretly dream
    What would you ask if you knew you could have anything
    Like the mighty oak sleeps in the heart of a seed
    Are there miracles in you and me
    If I refuse to listen to the voice of fear
    Would the voice of courage whisper in my ear
    What would I do today if I were brave

    In “Save Some Time to Dream” Mellencamp cautions not to let your time slip away. A man we met in Florida told us how wise Stacey and Doug are to do go on this trip now while they are young and strong enough. This friend had intended to take a very similar voyage to the one Stacey and Doug have planned. He waited until after he retired, but then his health prevented him from being able to sail. This past year, he sold his boat.

    Stacey and Doug anticipate having to go back to work after this trip. And even if their time away might delay formal retirement, living their dream is worth it.

    If you can refuse to listen to the voice of fear, what dream still lives in your heart?

    Could it be that this is all there is? Could it be there’s nothing more at all? Save some time to dream. ‘Cause your dream could save us all.