Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Irma

  • Seesaw and Ups and Downs

    I just spoke with a dear friend. She is my sister from another mister. We are soul mates, and we have such sweet sincere respect and love for one another. We were sharing about the privilege of lifting one another up, and being confident we always get our turn. The metaphor that popped into my mind is that of a seesaw.

    Seesaws (also known as a teeter-totter) were commonplace on the playgrounds where we grew up.

    The seesaw is supported by a single pivot point. As one end goes up, the other goes down.

    My heart is filled with compassion for so many in our world. Irma has left many homeless, even if some only temporarily. It will be a long while before things settle to a new normal.

    A friend here in Michigan fell and is now in the hospital in horrific pain made worse by his blindness. He has lost his sister and his brother and now lives alone.

    What is an appropriate response? The following email message came from my teacher/friend, Barbara Brodsky, and her teacher/friend, Aaron. I have not asked permission to share it with you, but I know they will be glad to have you take it to heart and to share it with others.

    Dear friends,

    I have been watching the news and weather through the weekend with sadness, as I know is true for many of you. Harvey caused (and continues to cause) so much suffering as people lost homes, livelihoods and even lives. Irma will continue such suffering. Deep Spring Center is a national/ international sangha. In the past weeks and this week, I have spoken to friends in Texas and now in Florida, who have lost homes, have had to evacuate, and have felt bewildered and afraid. Such pain is a natural consequence of such uncertainty. We cannot fix it for ourselves or others, only hold it all in love.

    My first tendency was to think, “I offer you love,” whether it be to a person, place or situation. Aaron reminded me that to offer love is a subtle act of separation. It’s better than nothing, and does help, but it is also me, separate from you, trying to give you something to help your pain. It is a statement that it is your situation and pain though, and I need not experience it directly.

    He asked me to substitute, “I hold you in my heart,” with the recognition that we are one. “Your pain and my pain are one; your loss and my loss are one.” As in that beautiful chant with the lines, “because I am in you, and you are in me.”

    The natural human tendency is to want to separate ourselves from pain, from chaos and from helplessness, and to feel safe and in control. But life is often not that way. Acknowledging this truth, can we allow ourselves to be truly vulnerable and be touched by our pain?

    Please join me opening your hearts to our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, our children, ourselves, in Houston, the Caribbean, Florida, and also in Mexico that has just suffered a strong earthquake, in places where there is war, and in the parts of the world where people go to bed hungry and sick. Please join me with the loving thought, “I hold you in my heart. Your pain and my pain are one.” In this way, the true energy of Love becomes available to all. We are not helpless; this is something real, to open our hearts to our own and the world’s suffering. We are bigger and stronger than we think.

    May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.
    May all beings dwell in the Heart of Love.
    May all beings everywhere find freedom and perfect peace.

    With love,
    Barbara and Aaron

    Some days we are up physically and down emotionally. Other days we are up emotionally but down physically. Whether the storms of life have you at the top of the seesaw where it is high and dry or the bottom where it is flooded with pain, we are able to know the truth of the ups and downs. As Barbara and Aaron expressed, “May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.” We are bigger and stronger than we think.

  • Dealing with Devastation

      Please be extra gentle with yourself during these highly charged, transformative times. We are all so beautifully sensitive to the collective experience – and especially right now.

      We are sending our blessings to those in the many places where there are wildfires, floods, and approaching hurricanes. Peace, love, and blessings to all people, all creatures, and all lands everywhere. So many new beginnings are underway. ~ Matt Kahn

    This photo was posted on Facebook by my son-in-law, Doug Dodge, along with his comments about yesterday’s hurricane damage: One of my favorite places in the BVI’s (British Virgin Islands). This is a picture of one of the rental fleets. They have total devastation and nothing left. We have met some great people over the years that live there and our hearts go out to them. Their only income is tourism and they have nothing to offer now. Please keep them in your prayers.

    At the time of this blog’s writing many friends and family and people we may never know across the state of Florida and other parts of the southeastern US are dealing with the anticipated devastation related to hurricane Irma after seeing what she has already done. This all makes me aware about the need to plan for dealing with devastation.

    Some will blame God, others will blame humans for accelerated global warming. Many will be second-guessing choices they have made to build, live, visit, stay or go. It is natural to be awash with emotions as we anticipate and/or witness devastation, but blame and remorse are not helpful.

    Perhaps Ira Byock’s book, The Four Things That Matter Most, now updated for its tenth anniversary, can offer us some advise. Byock says four simple phrases “stating the obvious” allow us to experience the benefits of letting old grudges and toxic emotions:

    “Please forgive me.”
    “I forgive you.”
    “Thank you.”
    “I love you.”

    And there are things we can do. We can give money to organizations we know are responsible with their dollars and have good sense about what is helpful at what time. We can pray. We can also do Tonglen to assist in the processing of all of this collective emotion. If you are new to the practice of Tonglen or you will benefit from a refresher, please read “Terrorist Attacks and Tonglen.”