Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: home

  • Life Itself

    How each of us views life differs slightly, but the themes of life itself are universal.

    Years and years ago I studied dream interpretation with a man who had trained at the C.G. Jung Institute. One aspect of dream meaning is to notice a theme that is emerging as an initiating dream.

    Three generations of women watching Life Itself, an American 2018 drama directed by Dan Fogelman which follows multiple couples over several generations, was a mixed bag. After watching it, I read that reviews were not great—calling the film “simultaneously overwrought and underwhelming.”

    Well, isn’t life itself simultaneously overwrought and underwhelming?

    This past week my husband and I have been staying in a house that has been the home of our daughter and son-in-law for over a decade. They are now house guests in that home. The house is now the home of our older grandson and our granddaughter-in-law. We are sharing this space with the six adults, three dogs, and two cats.


    Although the house looks different, Thanksgiving Brunch was held at this HOME, and tonight this HOME will host the annual Thanksgiving weekend “Soup Night.”

    I have done my regular duties of cleaning the inside of the microwave and wiping out the fridge. These are in addition to unloading the dishwasher and folding the laundry. I added polishing the outside of the toaster oven to this trip….

    One of the most fascinating aspects of a home is recognizing the way a home gives those in it gifts. Of course a home comes with costs and responsibilities for those in it too.

    We are grateful to have a roof over our heads. We appreciate a warm shower, and some of those in this home value a cold beer.

    Not to spoil the ending, but it has a happy ending.

    The final scene of the film is Elena reading from her book titled Life Itself. Elena’s dying grandmother is telling Elena’s father that although life may bring us to our knees, if we look hard enough, we will find love.

    Elena concludes her story by saying how one moment shaped her entire life, and that every bit of her has some of her mother, her father, and her grandmothers.

    That reminds me of the gift John made for me for Christmas in 2016: a wooden plaque with stick-on-letters: Not to spoil the ending—but everything is going to be OK.


    The craftsmanship of the plaque was not professional, but the wisdom and love are palpable. The message is one of those universal truths so that plaque hangs proudly in the laundry room of our home.

    Home is not just where you live. Home is also an internal state of being where you are. When life seems overwrought and underwhelming or underwrought and overwhelming, take heart. You know that life itself is still unfolding.

    Sometimes attributed to John Lennon: Everything Will Be Okay in The End, If It’s Not Okay, It’s Not The End.

  • Use Your Bird Brain

    I was writing in my journal how it seems otherworldly that we don’t plan to be back here in our Michigan home until April 6. As I write the question,”What would you have me know?” I hear in my head:

    V: Wherever you are is home. Notice how the selfing tells you this is home, this is not home. You are welcome to appreciate the creature comfort’s – just be in the experience rather than telling yourself stories.

    Can you see a bird that is migrating having a sense of “leaving home”?

    The bird is following an inner call. The bird goes. The bird eats, roosts, and sings wherever it is.

    Use your bird brain….

    Every day we are being invited to experience an expanded awareness. At a certain level of development, when asked what makes wind a child will say that the branches waving makes the wind. As our thinking expands, we understand warm and cold and upper level currents and wind.

    Many of us grew up without an understanding of “karma.” We may have even thought of karma as something only Buddhists experience. We may have perceived ourselves as immune from karma because we did not perceive it, like the child did not perceive the wind currents.

    Today’s quotation from Aaron says “Karma attaches to the emotional and mental bodies and it moves with you from lifetime to lifetime. Whatever insights you have as you move through the lifetime and the transition at the end of this lifetime, you do not lose them. Whatever you deeply understand stays with you. Whatever negative habit energies you have that are not released, they also stay with you. You do not lose anything, not the wholesome, not the unwholesome.”

    If you have not yet embraced an understanding of moving from lifetime to lifetime, simply think of this as moving from childhood to adulthood. As you move though your life whatever insights you have go with you. Likewise any negative habit energies you have that are not released stay with you.

    Worry, insecurity, impatience, desire for control…. these unwholesome habit energies are your karma.

    Joy, patience, kindness, enthusiasm, surrender…. these wholesome energies are also your karma.

    One of my favorite practices around all of this is the Daily Recollection. (See my November 2012 post Beads!)

    Marker bead: Namo Prajna, Paramita Hridaya. Homage to the wisdom mind.
    63rd Bead: Whatever has the nature to arise has the nature to cease and is not me nor mine.
    64th bead: When wholesome thoughts arise, cultivate the wholesome. When unwholesome thoughts arise, abandon the unwholesome.
    65th bead: Tend the contents of the mind with compassion, as a mindful gardener tends his garden.
    66th bead: This is the way to purify the mind and remove the clouds that obscure the vision of ultimate reality.

    Intention bead: In this way will I train myself.

    P.S. Send me an email or text message if you would like to receive and use the handout of Barbara Brodsky’s Daily Recollection.

  • Property Virgins

    First times are memorable just because they are first. This has certainly been true for me this summer with the selling of our home.

    Here is a handout left on our kitchen table next to the plate of cookies just-out-of-the-oven:

    This was our first home, purchased 40 years ago this past April.

    Our next home is in Glen-Aire, just around the corner.

    Here are a few of the things to love about this home:

      Location, location, location!
      The beautiful hardwood floors.
      The family room.
      Looking out on the back yard.
      The laundry chute.
      The kitchen layout, including the pantry, the pull-out shelves, and the 36 inch drawers.
      The dimmer switches.
      The built-ins (master bedroom, master bathroom, garage).
      The lighted closets.
      Instant hot water in all locations.
      The gas fire place.
      The sunrises and sunsets.
      The basement shelves.
      Did I mention the location and the lot?

    If you decide this is to be your next home, you will love it.

    This is the first home we have ever sold, and it is also the first home the buyer has ever bought. We are both well past our teenage years but we are property virgins.

    The selling and buying of this home will be memorable, as will this morning’s sunrise….

  • There’s An Angel for Everything

    house for rent2
    She had recently relocated to Florida, and her son and family had already moved there, too. Her adult daughter so wanted to come join the family, but she was having a challenge finding an appropriate rental home (within her budget and one that would take pets!).

    After weeks of searching, on a particularly frustrating morning with no success, she threw her hands up, saying out loud, “I am going for a walk. If there is a real estate angel who can work on this while I am gone, I would be very grateful.”

    Nearing the end of her walk, and very nearly back home, she struck up a conversation about Florida plantings with a man who was working out in the yard. One comment led to another and she confessed her frustrating morning and her need for a house for her daughter. The man said, “I am here working today getting ready to put this house up for rent.”

    The house was charming, the rent was in their budget, and the owner welcomed pets. That house has been her daughter’s home for many years now.

    She titled this wonderful story, “There’s An Angel for Everything!”