Tag: Gammie

  • The Bud’s Undoing

    “I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

    “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

    ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

    The rhythm of this social-isolation is having it’s way with me. Today is Friday. Meditation with a handful of others via ZOOM, at 6:30 am, then ZOOM yoga with Kathy at 7:45. My fingers on the keyboard now, writing with the Southern Circle of Poets, who will meet at 11:15 to share—also on ZOOM!

    I find myself wondering what the metaphor of a platform called ZOOM has to say about this time of virtual living when I feel like both Frodo and Gandalf….

    This is the current view out my front window.

    This morning’s musing:

    Life is moving from the inside out
    Paying attention to an inner sense
    Dancing to music unheard that blows through the breeze and falls on some deaf ears
    Birds fly overhead, beads adorn our bodies, beach glass lands at our feet

    I dreamed of breathing under water
    Gold chains; rubies, emeralds, sapphire
    Adorned with abundance and beauty
    Moments rise up and move out into the world

    Each day Anne Frank’s spirit reminds me she
    Endured safe-sheltering for over 700 days
    Khanti—one of the paramitas—the mixture of endurance and perseverance
    To keep going (out of love) even though things are uncomfortable or difficult

    “The flower is always the bud’s undoing”
    Each new day evidence that the previous is no more
    No more do we cling, it is futile to hold onto the illusion
    It is now our true nature to surrender

    Surrender to the way things are without abandoning the dreams planted in the heart

    Holding him in my arms for the very first time, whispering a made-up name
    “I am your Gammie”

    I went kicking and screaming into grandparenthood
    At 39, too young to be a grandmother
    Too busy to take on another
    Role

    But the role fell away as I held you
    Watching your beautiful face
    Feeling your breath
    Smelling you

    30 years
    Now watching you from a distance
    Recalling your breath
    Imagining the fragrance of your being

    I am your Gammie; a role I find much peace in

    The bud is being undone yet again all of our roles dissipate like dew in the morning sun

    The Bud’s Undoing Debra Basham 05-15-2020 (WC 260)

  • Be Care-Full What You Pray For

    Twenty nine years ago today, I became a grandmother. I was still thirty-something—at least I would be for two more weeks. My career was booming. I was top sales person in the nation. I was traveling to beautiful venues. I had long finger nails, and I wore nice clothing. I was too busy (and too young) to be a grand parent.

    Although I did not yet know it, everything changed the moment I held Bradley Joseph Zelenak in my arms.

    He was a little bit early, had jaundice, and his mom, Stacey, went home from the hospital without him. A few weeks later, he would go to the hospital by ambulance. I would watch his mother crawl into the big “crib” under the oxygen tent to be with him. I would walk down the hospital corridor with a lump in my throat and tears tricking down my cheek.

    As with other dynamics of life, it is impossible to say what would have been if things had been different. Would I have still treasured every moment or might I have let the years slip by without awareness of the preciousness that is always present?

    Say only, something clicked. Priorities were suddenly laid straight.

    No sale was more important than watching him breath. We were blessed to have them live with us for about a month before my baby would leave Michigan, taking her baby to live in Tennessee.

    I never felt a house so empty as the day we walked back into the house after watching their car back out of the driveway heading south.

    From that moment forth, everything revolved around keeping our connection. Our vacation time was spent there. Holiday plans were around them. Even now, as snow birds flying from Michigan to Florida and back we think of it as going to see the kids.

    I cannot say how differently I would view the world without the lens of being a grandmother to Bradley, but I can say this: Bradley changed my world. I am Gammie.

    I say he opened my heart chakra. As fingers fly over the keys, a lump tightens my throat. Again tears form as, in my minds eye, almost three decades of precious memories dance. Things he said, places we went, experiences we shared.

    Today, I breathe the fragrance of grace that allows me to have had this miracle in my life.

    I am blessed with two other grandchildren, and each is loved beyond words. Bradley is like any first true love. He is the one who taught me to be care-full what you pray for.

    Working in retail management, breaking fingernails and tearing holes in my stockings was an everyday occurrence. Yes, I wore pantyhose and heels to work 9-to-5! I read somewhere that you should write down a prayer, put it in a box, and forget about it. Years before I had written: “I want to wear nice clothes and have long finger nails.”

    The day I opened the box and looked down at my hands, I was shocked. Not even remembering what I had written, I was living what I had prayed for.

    Today, perhaps more mindfulness would go into everything I put in my prayer box to let God work the magic. Perhaps…