I am just back from a retreat/intensive with the Deep Spring Dharma Path group. This group is a two-year commitment to daily practice, weekly meetings, and twice-yearly intensives. I said this morning I have not yet found my feet, but I know where I left them, and I assume they are still there waiting for me.
That is how grace works.
We heard truth articulated over and over. When it is lost, where is joy? Peace? Love? Trust? Hope? You fill in the blank.
Barbara Brodsky, founder and guiding teacher of Deep Spring Meditation Center, announced that she had seen two horses in the middle of the road as she was nearing Triple Crane Monastery in Chelsea (Michigan) where the retreat was being held. Barbara, concerned for the horses, pulled into the driveway. Seeing no one around, she honked the horn a few times. Barbara is deaf, and she has some physical challenges walking. She did not deem it feasible for her to leave her vehicle and walk to the barn to see if she could find the owner of the horses. Reluctantly, she drove on to the retreat.
Aaron, the discarnate teacher whom Barbara channels, spoke to her. I am paraphrasing here. “If you are going to be here, be here. Or get some one to go with you and go back to check on the farmer and the horses. Either is OK, you did what you could. If you decide to be here, let it go, trusting that all shall be well.”
As this was being shared, my mind had gone to a massage therapist in my office. Just before I drove to Chelsea, we had met with the owner of our building, the property manager, and a mold remediation professional. This therapist’s room was discovered to have an unacceptable level of active Aspergillus mold spores. For people with healthy immune systems, breathing in Aspergillus isn’t harmful. However, for one who is allergic, or those with weakened immune systems, breathing in Aspergillus spores can cause an infection in the lungs or sinuses which can spread to other parts of the body.
This therapist has a known allergy to mushrooms, and also has some immune deficiency. A perfect storm….
Many times throughout the retreat my thoughts would go to her. I have great compassion for what she is going through. She has only been in practice for one year, much of that year she has been feeling ill. Financially and emotionally she is drained.
I also have great compassion for the owner of the building, and truly for everyone affected, including myself.
At retreat I would gently remind myself to be present with the thoughts and emotions, and to remember to be here now. I was at the retreat.
I had a precious connection with my roommate, and I worked a lot in the kitchen! One way I deal with stress is to clean. This is going to come in handy with remediation….
We received Darshan (a Blessing) from ‘The Mother’— a very loving being whom Barbara also channels. I was told, “You are a sunbeam. A sunbeam is not diminished in any way by shining its light. Nor does it wonder, ‘Have I shined enough?’ This is a place for you to release. You are that sunbeam.”
Oh, my, goodness!
We received reminders to deepen our intention, and to notice where our true power is. If we feel contracted energy, we were instructed to just notice: fear, sadness, doubt, uncertainty, anger. Say to yourself, “I concentrate this contraction in service to all beings who feel _____.”
Many years ago, a group of friends worked at another office which flooded (with gray water!) and had to go through remediation. Feelings are close to the surface as I am remembering all of that now. Every day humans are facing threat. Every day humans are experiencing harm. But as we heard—we are not just mammals. We are also awakened beings.
From my retreat journal: You don’t have to be fully awake to be fully awake! You who can see the light, rest in the light. Guide others without going into the darkness.
We did quite a bit of sitting, but we also enjoyed learning through play. Here I am STANDING on a balance ball (with the help of others who would catch me if I started to fall).
And here is one of my Dharma sisters flying a kite.
Where does joy go? Or humility? Where is justice when it is lost?
In Buddhism, these fruits of the spirit are called the Paramitas, or the Ten Perfections.
None are truly lost. All want to be invited back.
How do I invite something without grasping? “I have set it in motion by my intention. If it is for highest good, it will happen.”
I was humbled to remember that mold, like a weed in the garden, or the mosquito on my hand, is a sentient being. Can I open my heart to the mold, too, knowing it cannot stay, but cleaning it out with love? Reading about mold: By decomposing organic matter, molds play a big part in material biodegradation, enabling decay and rot necessary in all ecosystems.
May all beings remember these valuable lessons about life, including lessons from the mold.
