Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: encouragement

  • They Stay

    Making preparations for the interment of his ashes that would take place two days after his birthday — on the one year anniversary of his death — she was having a particularly difficult day. It was the first time in 39 years she did not celebrate his birthday with him.

    She was talking to him, telling him about the interment plans. Then when she looked at her phone she had his photo!

    Just before the closing prayer, she would share these powerful words by the poet, Naomi Shihab Nye. They encapsulate her experience of losing him.

    People do not
    pass away.
    They die
    and then,
    they stay.

    Note: Naomi Shihab Nye is an Arab American poet, editor, songwriter, and novelist. Born to a Palestinian father and an American mother, she began composing her first poetry at the age of six. In total, she has published or contributed to over 30 volumes of poetry.

  • Moon in Clouds January 23, 2024

    The moon was directly overhead where she was wintering in Southwest Florida. It looked full, had a gorgeous lunar halo, and she could see a distinctive heart shape in the clouds so she grabbed her phone to take a photo to share with her friend in Colorado. It was often cloudy at home in Michigan, and she would miss seeing the full moon, so her friend had been sharing a photo of the full moon for several years.

    But when she looked at the photo she had just taken there were two images, both were undistinguished as the moon. One looked like shelving and the other was just a whitish streak, similar to what happens if you move the camera too quickly. Checking online she saw that the moon was not even full until two days later so she did not try again to get a photo.

    The following morning, however, she received a magnificent photo taken by her friend in Colorado.


    Although the “full” moon was still two days away, her friend had captured the image she had failed to get — complete with the heart she had seen in the clouds!

    “The same moon shines in every back yard,” as the saying goes….

  • One Tear “Drip”

    He had touched many hearts during his brief one-hundred-thirteen-day life.

    She recalled having heard that it must be a very special incarnation for that soul who completes a lifetime so quickly. She lit both sides of the candle the morning after he passed, loving and honoring his passing while offering continuing prayers for his twin brother.

    The twin-flame candle had been gifted to her, touted as both odorless and dripless. It had previously been both, but this morning she saw one l-o-n-g drip from the right side flame — running all the way to the base.

    It was as though she was seeing the sacred honoring of his life with this one tear drip….

    In Psalm 90:12 it is clear that Moses contrasts the brevity of life with our eternal nature: “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (New International Version)

  • Trust the Magic of Beginnings

    And suddenly you know:
    It’s time to start something new and
    trust the magic of beginnings.
    ~ Meister Eckhart

    Today is the first day of 2024.

    Yesterday afternoon I went into a different area on my bike ride. I was only lost between 8.88 miles and 12.22 miles….

    Suddenly I knew I had gotten turned around and did not know which way to go. I stopped and asked directions back to the main road. The man and woman were out in their driveway because they were checking on a Gopher Tortoise that was on their driveway. They were relieved to know it was just sleeping in the sunshine on the warm pavement. It has been somewhat cool here. In fact, it is 49 degrees right now.

    “Is this the direction to Rampart Boulevard?” I asked.

    The man pointed. “At the stop sign, make a right. Your next right will be Rampart,” he assured me.

    I rode in that direction but when I got to the stop sign I knew right where I was, and I was somewhere I did not want to be — on a busy road with no shoulder.

    So many people are right where they do not want to be. Dear Michigan friends here in Florida are very sick with violent intestinal symptoms (either flu or food poisoning); some dharma friends in North Carolina are sick with Covid when he was to be leading a New Years retreat; Stacey and Doug are sick in Tennessee with the respiratory bug that kept Jackson home from daycare all last week.

    Part of the challenge was/is a long canal that ran between where I was and where I wanted to be. One gift in the adventure was my successful riding 15 miles just a few days earlier. It had been many, many years since I rode 15 miles, but yesterday I knew it was possible so I was persistent. Assessing my options at that stop sign, I decided to move ahead I needed to begin by retracting my steps. Even after finding a patch of shade where I could see Google Maps on my phone, I still took a few wrong turns and had to back track several times.

    What a relief when I finally saw a memorable patio heater along the side of the road, left there for trash pickup. I absolutely knew I was back on the road that would take me home!(My phone was only on 7% power when I arrived home.)

    My first hawk sighting here in Punta Gorda was a Red-shouldered Hawk in the neighbor’s yard. Over the next week or so I had several different sightings (one flying with live catch in its talons), a pair sitting side-by-side on the power line right along the sidewalk, a single also sitting facing me on another power line. I was not able to get photos for identification on any of those, but at the exact moment I was enjoying that feeling of relief knowing I was going the right way I saw another hawk. This time I was able to get a fairly decent photo. My beloved Florida birding guide (Hart – such a great name!) identified this one as a Cooper’s Hawk with my photo.


    From Animal Speak, by Ted Andrews:

      Part of the Role for the individual beside whom hawk flies is that of Guardian of the Earth Mother. These are individuals who will possess an astute awareness of the concept of the interconnectedness of all things, and will have an inner reverence for all life.

      These are the souls that are involved in making the world a better place, whether locally or globally. They will be protectors of the Earth Mother and tread softly upon her, encouraging and educating others to do the same.

      Often, they are either found initiating or actively involved in environmental causes, where their keen perception and insight will serve their chosen cause well. Yet it is their day to day existence and fundamental philosophy/foundation of action and belief, that distinguishes these individuals as true champions of Mother Earth as they seek to live in harmony with the ~Ina Maka~ and all that She births, provides, nurtures and sustains.

    The ending of the opening quotation by Meister Eckhart begins with trust. Then it mentions magic. Finding the way home after realizing I was lost took a lot of beginnings.

    And suddenly you know.

    It’s time to start something new.

    “Trust the magic of beginnings” is a great mantra for 2024….

  • Happy Birthday from Heaven, Jennifer!

    On Thursday evening she and her husband were at karaoke in southwest Florida.

    A woman joined others at the table next to them.

    At the exact same time she had the thought, her husband spoke, “That woman reminds me of Jennifer!” (She had worked with Jennifer’s mother fifty years ago. Their families went to church together. Of course, he used Jennifer’s maiden name, they had known Jennifer since she was a young child but it had been years since they had seen Jennifer.)

    “I just had that exact same thought!!!” she exclaimed.

    Jennifer and her husband had been living in Georgia for some time now. Both of Jennifer’s parents had passed. She sent a message to Jennifer through Facebook Messenger, telling her what had happened, saying simply, “Know you were being thought of!”

    “Aw, thanks. That was sweet of you,” Jennifer responded.

    She wrote back, “I am not sure of the significance of the timing for you, but it was sure a strong connection for both of us!”

    Jennifer’s reply was oh, so telling, “It’s my birthday so I was just making the rounds and saying hello!”

      “People you love never die. That is what Omai had said, all those years ago. And he was right. They don’t die. Not completely. They live in your mind, the way they always lived inside you. You keep their light alive. If you remember them well enough, they can still guide you, like the shine of long-extinguished stars could guide ships in unfamiliar waters.” ~ Matt Haig, How to Stop Time

  • A Shared Love – Hawk

    They had met years ago, when she and her husband were wintering on the east coast of Florida. A retired judge from Pennsylvania, he and his wife were also wintering in Florida. She and her husband attended a delightful birding class he was leading at the nature center. A shared love was born!

    These many years later, in December 2023, although they were separated by miles, she still loved sharing her birding experiences with him.

    Sitting on the lanai in Southwest Florida early that New Years Eve eve morning — at the exact moment she was writing an email telling him the details about two hawk sightings the previous day — a hawk loudly flew overhead! She grabbed her phone and hit the voice memo record button…. she included the lovely sounds of hawk in her email message to him.

    Hawks most often screech in flight. A male screeches to announce his territory during the mating season. A hawk will screech loudly and repeatedly to defend his territory, generally from other hawks.

    While each species of hawk, along with the details of the visit, can have slightly different spiritual meanings, hawk generally means change, accomplishment of goals and dreams, clarity, and protection which comes by your honoring your inner wisdom. These magnificent birds demonstrate the results from knowing and going after what you need and want.

    Over twenty years ago she and her former business partner had chosen Red-tailed Hawk as their business logo. Or perhaps Red-tailed Hawk had chosen them. The logo line they used was: Perceive, receive, and use your abilities…. as the hawk rides the wind.

    (This photo of Red-tailed Hawk is one her birding friend sent to her in 2014….)

  • Grow Through What You Go Through

    Light rain was tap dancing on the metal roof of the lanai as I sat in the darkness waiting for the sun to make its debut thinking about a dear friend of mine whose brother-in-love is going to be having lung cancer surgery soon. She has been a champion of ours for decades, having thrived through cancer herself. A video interview of Jane’s Imagine Healing Journey is featured on our website.

    I imagined her sharing the Imagine Healing process with him….

    Opening email from The Daily Tejaniya I read: “Practice with the idea of not trying to create an experience. Instead, just take your experience as it is and try to learn from it.”

    You can see the middle path!

    Doing the process of Imagine Healing supports the central nervous system so the physical body has the best opportunity for healing. Having done the process, you are much more capable of being present to learn through your experience.

    Our granddaughter is going through a lot right now. I sent her a photo of a sweatshirt I had seen on Facebook with the words: Grow through what you go through.

    A quick internet search for that phrase took me to a sweet website which listed 12 Hacks to Grow Through What You Go Through. Number 3 on the list is about how you can grow through your fears.

      We don’t run from our fears; we go through them. To get past our fears, we need to do three things:

      1) acknowledge them,

      2) let them go, and

      3) replace them with something else.

    That list took me to a post by another Facebook friend and colleague, Lisa Gordon (I was trained in Healing Touch by her mom, Janet Mentgen). Lisa posted a sweet reminder from “The Female Hustlers” offering a perfect way to navigate these last days of December 2023:

      De-cember
      de-clutter
      de-tach and
      de-lete
      anything that
      de-values your life.
      Don’t bring
      it into 2024.

    Whatever is happening in your life right now, may you grow through all you go through.

  • Water Heater

    For some time we’d been clearing out and cleaning my dad’s house following his death. One day the hot water heater gave out. While we knew it needed to be replaced, it was not on our list of things to do that day. Dad’s old green pickup truck was filled to the brim with things to take to the dump, and then there was a stop at the home improvement store for more boards to fix the shed. The water heater could wait. Still it was on our mind as we drove down the highway toward the dump and we wondered out loud who we should call to replace it. We couldn’t help but notice a van passing us that advertised just the service we needed. Hours later while my husband was waiting for me near the customer service desk at the home improvement store, he noticed a large box that held the exact kind of water heater we needed. It was near the door, being prepped for customer pick up. He took the “hint” and when I showed up, he was inquiring about ordering a new water heater.

    Later I did my part and called the company whose van passed us on the road. In less than a week the replacement was done.

    Did I mention my father was a maintenance electrician for over 40 years? He maintained things, by “fixing” them before they broke. And if something did break, it never — and I mean never — waited to be repaired! Dad specialized in furnaces and boilers. He knew his way around a water heater. And it seems this one wasn’t going to wait either. Thanks for the help, Dad!

  • Eveready – All is Well

    My father always wore a wristwatch and glanced at it often. He was always on time. When he retired, his company gifted him with a clock. For a good long time, it took a rightful place for prominent display.

    When dad died, I brought home one of the two clocks he kept in his bedroom. The battery was dead, but I sat it on the kitchen counter anyway, as a momento. One day I noticed a ticking sound. As usual the time it showed was incorrect, but oddly, the second hand was now rising up and falling back to its original place over and over. Again, I reminded myself to change the battery.

    A few days later I noticed the clock was ticking away and for the first time in weeks it was showing the correct time. I assumed my husband had changed the battery. But no, he had not! Neither of us had touched it, and each clearly remembered it had completely stopped, except for the day it ticked so oddly. I’m grateful that we caught it running smoothly that day and “magically” showing the correct time. I believe my dad’s spirit was contacting us to tell us all is well.

    The clock eventually stopped again and this time we decided to “signal back” by finally giving that old clock a new battery.

  • Grace is All Around

    My husband and I were a bit traumatized after witnessing an horrific incident at a bridge close to where we’re camping in Santa Cruz, as we were walking back from the beach. A man had a medical incident (DUI-drugs apparently) while driving across the bridge, hitting someone and another person either leapt out of the way or was also hit and fell over the bridge. Apparently he landed on the dock below, then was airlifted.

    The screams from the bridge will remain with us for a long time.

    We went for a lovely bike ride the next day all along the coast. When we passed the amusement park on the boardwalk, the screams on the roller coaster brought it all back.

    However, the following day, the Daily Reflection from Deep Spring Center for Meditation spoke to me hugely. I am the guy who fell over the bridge, the guy who caused the incident, the injured woman. We are all one. There are no sides.

      Even in the most terrible disaster, when people are dying, when people are suffering, those who have emerged personally unscathed experience an excitement of sorts. It grows partly out of having escaped harm themselves. It has its roots in fear. It’s a kind of relief, what you might feel if you were on a bridge with some friends and it began to tremble and pieces fall out, and you all ran to the end and just got off the bridge in time before it collapsed. Other people on the bridge plunged to their death. You would feel a sadness, a true sadness for them, born out of the recognition that it could have been you, but also a very personal sense of relief: I’m safe. My loved ones are safe. We escaped. Can you see that this grows out of fear? There is a separation: WE escaped, THEY died. It’s not okay that they died, but, “Whew, we escaped.” Part of this is the denial of the human of its own mortality: here’s another one that I’m free from; it didn’t get me this time. So there’s a sense of denial—that isn’t me on the bottom of that chasm. Never mind that my loved ones and I are here safely on the side, that’s still US down there.

      The human mind sometimes cannot cope with the enormity of the suffering that it faces. Sometimes that degree of denial becomes necessary for survival. I’m not saying that it’s good or bad, only that the being that would grow in spiritual ways needs to be aware if one is experiencing that, that one is experiencing that. Experiencing denial, experiencing profound fear, feeling overwhelmed, and by way of needing to cope with the heaviness of this catalyst, moving into denial. This is something that can mask as sadness, but it’s not true sadness, it’s fear. Sadness that grows out of love is a very profound emotion. It leaves you feeling helpless, in a sense, deeply aware of the reality of suffering. Simply watch the way it arises, all of you, to further clarify this distinction. ~ Aaron

    There are no coincidences.

    It is truly remarkable Aaron’s teaching was about falling off the bridge….

    The same day as Aaron’s quotation in a book I’m reading The Covenant of Water, by Abraham Verghese, there’s a scene with two surgeons — one is injured and the other looking at him with compassion and wanting to help him — but from a place of oneness and love, and not as “one” looking at the “other.”  

    Reading Verghese’s words also spoke to me. Grace is all around.