Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: EFT

  • Make the Chili

    I shared this story at St. John UCC a few days ago:

      Make The Chili

      A good friend of mine unexpectedly lost his wife. A couple months later we were golfing together, chatting about nothing. He asked what my dinner plans were and I told him wifey wanted my homemade chili and cornbread, but I didn’t feel like stopping at the store. We golfed a few more minutes when he quietly said, “Make the chili.”

      It took me a few minutes to realize we were no longer talking about dinner. It was about going out of your way to do something for someone you love because at any moment, they could unexpectedly be taken from you. So today I’m sharing with you that wisdom handed to me by my dear friend, that I’ve thought of many times since that day. Next time someone you love wants you to go for a walk or watch a football game or play a board game or just put your phone down and give them your undivided attention, just do it. “Make the chili.”

    Today this story visits me with greatly expanded awareness.

    A precious dharma friend has been experiencing anxiety and full-blown-panic attacks, possibly a long-covid condition. In our discussion about all of this I mentioned three therapies that might be helpful. Self Havening, EFT, and EMDR. This is what I sent to her after we logged off Zoom.

    Self Havening

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQXbZmuSbFs

    A 10-minute, Self-Havening practice to reduce anxiety, enhance wellbeing, and develop compassion and loving-kindness. See neuroscienceofhealing.com for more resources.

    https://www.havening.org/

    Tapping Points and Instructional Video

    Tapping (EFT) is so powerful because it addresses the emotions that have been stored in our bodies as we developed.

    Here is the short instructional video introduction:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAclBdj20ZU

    The points are on the side of the hand, where the eyebrow begins, where the eyebrow ends on the side of your eye, under eye right on the bone, under your nose, on the crease of your chin, on your collar bone, under arm on the bra strap, and on the top of your head.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAclBdj20ZU&authuser=0

    EMDR Therapy

    Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, commonly known as EMDR, is a mental health therapy method. EMDR treats mental health conditions that happen because of memories from traumatic events in your past. It’s best known for its role in treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but its use is expanding to include treatment of many other conditions.
    https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22641-emdr-therapy

    Our meditation teacher, Barbara Brodsky, reminds us in The Path of Clear Light: Stepping Out of the Shadow, “There is no need to fix them, though you will wish to tend to them.”

    When we sit in formal meditation, if a fly buzzes our face we resist the urge to swat or shoo it away, thus developing concentration and mindfulness. We are cultivating the gentle truth of tending to conditions. We know everything arises from conditions. We know conditions are impermanent.

    If a baby cries because it is hungry, does the mother refuse milk to teach the baby that hunger arises from conditions and will pass when the conditions cease? Of course not. The mother will tend to the baby.

    John and I have been spending time with my nephew as he makes a huge lifestyle change from over-the-road truck driving and living in the truck, to local work and being “home” every night. Complicated hugely by not having had a home or an income. The goal is to generate stability rather than becoming homeless every time he changes jobs. Today he came for home-made vegetable beef soup and cornbread and a shower.


    Just as judging “judging” is still judging, fixing “fixing” is still fixing.

    Conditions are calling us to tend to them.

    Make the chili.

  • Holy Holons

    On Friday I could feel that my blood pressure was high. I began to affirm: I choose to release this pattern within me that has contributed to this situation.

    Boom!

    I am 12 years old again — August 1962 — in the auto accident with my dad. I am reliving all the terror at the scene. I allow myself to feel the feelings. I begin to cry out, “Daddy, are you OK?” and to no one in particular, “Make them stop!” asking them to make the sirens stop.

    Listening to an interview with Iyanla Vanzant on Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/tapping), I put the blood pressure cuff on my arm and took my blood pressure.

    I did that over and over as I invited release of this life-time pattern of fear.

    My dad’s feet were in the floorboard on the driver’s side of the car, but shattered flesh from my forehead prevented my being able to see them. To the best of my memory, I did not see my dad until a day or so later when he came to the hospital to see me.

    I allowed myself emotional space to cry out as I tapped.

    Ilyana says one must expand and increase our emotional library. Jessica Ortner (The Tapping Solution) said it is about developing a vocabulary so we can speak out. “This is the feeling I’m having right now. I’ll get through this but right now this is what I am feeling.”

    I wrote in my journal: “I am mourning. I’m feeling something from when I was five years old.”

    And, “I forgive myself for believing that ______ still has power over my life.”

    I took 1/2 of one of the anxiety pills my doctor prescribed.

    I tapped a lot.

    I cried some.

    On Saturday, John had an off day and that intersected with my heightened state. We were neither truly skillful, but this morning we were both able to speak compassionately and affirm our loving connection.

    Jerry Ashmore’s dharma talk was about how the Heart Sutra is a conceptual torpedo in that it demolishes dualism. Jerry said, “Every time you think you are isolated, you are delusional.”

    “Form is emptiness (śūnyatā), emptiness is form.” (from the English Heart Sutra)

    Nothing lasts forever. We know that. But…. as Ilanya describes it, every time we revisit the story we punish ourselves.

    During the sharing after the meditation and the dharma talk one woman was saying how she was having difficulty getting free of rumination and depression. Jerry said, “The witness is free. No anxiety, no fear, no hatred.”

    Totally free.

    Jerry spoke about a holon. A holon is something that is simultaneously a whole in and of itself, as well as a part of a larger whole. He said each of us is a holon, simultaneously a whole as well as a part of a larger whole.

    I passed along Thich Nhat Hanh’s MANTRA FOR DEALING WITH STRONG EMOTIONS:

    Make sure you remember to physically “BREATHE IN” or “BREATHE OUT” at the appropriate place when reciting each line; as the actual breath in or out is part of activating the Energy.

    The “operative word” of the Mantra replaces the strong emotion being worked on, with its appropriate name: Fear, Anger, Anxiety, Impatience, Judgment of self or others, etc. The example uses the word Fear. Good to remember that sometimes anger is an unknown component of the fear a person may be holding, because they have not been able to control or Fix It.

      Breathing In, I am aware of the fear,

      Breathing Out, I smile to the fear (yes, these are the appropriate words);

      Breathing In, I recognize fear as Energy,

      Breathing Out, I express Gratitude for Energy;

      Breathing In, Energy and Fear are Power,

      Breathing Out, I can safely hold Power;

      Breathing In, Power supports Wholesome Change,

      Breathing Out, I Invite That, which is for The Highest Good!

    I am not sure we ever talked about it so I can only imagine my dad’s terror at the scene.

    My dad I I are simultaneously a whole as well as a part of a larger whole.

    Breathing Out, I Invite That, which is for The Highest Good!

    Holy holons!

  • I Surrender

    Entry from my journal: Tuesday, January 18, 2022 @ 3:37 am:

    Dear Holy Spirit,

    I am awake and in the TV room listening to Karen Drucker’s “I Surrender.”

      I will surrender to my greatest highest good.

      I will release every fear that’s in my way…

      and I am grateful every moment of every day.

    I spoke with my doctor late last evening. I had called because my blood pressure had spiked the past few days. At home in my pantry is a prescription bottle of an anti-anxiety medication she prescribed for me in 2017 when this had happened. I took one once, and I have carried one with me in my purse every day since. I took 1/2 on Sunday, and 1/2 on Monday, but the pressure was still elevated when Linda B/G checked it last evening.

    I love that my doctor knows my blood pressure goes up because of anxiety, rather than thinking it is organic. When she prescribed the anti-anxiety medication in 2017, she said, “Anxiety driven blood pressure doesn’t respond well to the classes of medications normally used to lower blood pressure.” And that list is long: Diuretics; Beta-blockers; ACE inhibitors; and Vasodilators, just to name a few.

    Of course, John’s recent experience of having had severe “silent” coronary artery disease (CAD) has triggered my childhood pattern of being terrified of all things medical. Now that we are home and things are moving along smoothly, this current tremendous anxiety is a result of my having just gone through everything with him. Waking up early Saturday morning to not-one-but-two tornado warnings blasting on our phones probably added insult to injury…

    My doctor said she is not worried about me. She has years of good blood pressure readings taken in her office by her nurse. She assured me they have done research about the spouse of a heart patient going through this sort of thing.

    I took 1/2 of one 2mg Valium (with permission) and I went to bed optimistic about getting a good night’s sleep. I went to sleep, but I woke up in massive ANXIETY. While there were no conscious thoughts of scary things, I could feel my body in high alert, totally overrun with adrenaline.

    I grabbed my phone, popped in my earbuds, and began tapping along with some Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) audios. After a couple of shorts — including Tapping Universal Reversals — without much measurable benefit. Then I tapped through FEELING SAFE IN YOUR BODY with Nick Ortner. During the 6 minute 50 second closing I began to feel a shift. I repeated that part. I repeated it again. And again.

    Conditions came to mind: womb trauma when my mom had syphilis and was a terrified inpatient; being traumatized by hospitalization in isolation after the diagnosis of polio at age five; the out-of-body experience at age 12 when I was in the auto accident; the terror I felt during the trip to Europe in 2011. An avalanche of more minor situations that reveal the deeper structure of anxiety also came forth in my mind. When one is driven by amygdala hijacking, even choosing the ‘right’ color of paint can feel like a life-or-death situation.

    I felt my body releasing the pattern and welcoming bliss back.

    My niece, who has recently shared her life-long struggle with anxiety and depression, came to my mind over and over. I had said to John a few day ago I was feeling like I need to reach out to her.

    My nephew, who has used drugs to combat severe anxiety, resulting in his having multiple incarcerations, came to mind.

    And so many others….

    I began listening to the Surrogate Tapping audio, and I said out loud to myself, “I dedicate the merit of this to all who suffer from anxiety…” Jesica Ortner’s words encircled my body and soothed my mind:

    …. This is a blessing in disguise and I am so grateful…. I let go of my need to control this situation….

    I can feel some hints of integration as I listen.

    ….As I heal in the presence of darkness, we are all uplifted….

    I wonder if this pattern of fear and anxiety might actually be a part of our collective divine mission.

    ….I no longer live the lie; the lie that I don’t have what it takes; the lie that others don’t have what it takes….

    I can still hear the refrain of Karen Drucker singing I surrender to my greatest highest good in the background of my mind’s ear. I can feel myself breathing! I look and my heart rate on my Fitbit is showing 67 beats per minute!

    My grandson, Brad, comes to mind. He has spoken of his own awareness of this pattern of anxiety-driven achievement.

    ….This person has what it takes to have what they want….I have faith that this person I love will do what’s right for them. The outcome is greater than I could have ever imagined so I let go of my need to predict. I let go of my need to control. Everything is in divine order. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I am grateful for this situation for it helps me learn and grow. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise. I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise.

    When the surrogate tapping audio is finished, I open my email and read two “Thought-for-today” messages that speak directly to my current experience.

    Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now. ~ Lin-Manuel Miranda (from Gratefulness.org)

    Get to know fear. What is fear? It’s very interesting. Fear is always about what might happen, not much about what’s happening right now. When you’re present in the moment there may be discomfort, even real pain or sadness, but not a lot of fear. Fear is about your projections. ~ Aaron (from Deep Spring Center for Meditation)

    And when I turn on the computer to write this Yellow Brick Road post, this is the random screen saver image I am looking at. And I surrender to my greatest highest good….

  • Inter-Are

    I have been wondering about the distinction between self care and nurture (kindness and wisdom) and “distraction.” Might we be doing wholesome actions such as exercise or journal writing, or playing music, without being skillful?

    Additionally, I wrote to Barbara Brodsky, Founding Teacher of Deep Spring Meditation Center, asking about all of this. “We are encouraged to skillful practice of support practices, Metta, Tonglen, etc., that are a part of Buddhism. Might it also be appropriate to develop skillful support practices that come from outside of Buddhism? For example, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Tapping on the meridians, while being present with difficult body or mind states, and saying skillful statements can support insight and release of painful karmic patterns. One does not try to avoid the emotion, one feels (touches) the emotion, then moves through a process of working with the emotion at the level of energy and awareness.”

    Barbara clarified that the primary distinction isn’t the specific practice but what truly has drawn the practice forth. Was the motivation genuine kindness or was fear present, thereby was the real desire to “fix” something?

    Barbara went on to say that all support practices from any tradition are helpful when motivated from a spacious and kind desire to attend, rather than from a contracted fearful need to fix.

    Barbara said the ‘Daily Quote’ from Aaron clarified the question perfectly.

    When we release some of the self-identity and separation, we come to feel our interconnection with everything. The tree dances with the wind not because the wind forces the tree but because the wind and tree literally inter-are. They share the same core of being. The wind is the tree; the tree is the wind. And so they dance together. You can dance with life in the same way. ~ Aaron

    Barbara’s summation was simply, “When our practice comes from that place of interconnection, we are attending with skillful support.”

    At the relative level we appear to be separate, but at the ultimate level, there is no separate self. You can understand that no wave is separate from the ocean. The wind and the tree and you and I dance with life. We inter-are….

  • 5 Reflections

    “A friend is someone
    who knows the song in your heart
    and can sing it back to you
    when you have forgotten the words.”
    ~ C.S. Lewis.

    Those words were shared by me at the end of a tearful conversation with a dear friend. My friend was remorseful for having offended a family member. The situation is complicated because the person who had been upset is a sister-in-law, currently separated from my friend’s brother.

    So many conversations of late lead my heart back again and again to the great Buddhist prayer, “May all beings come to the end of suffering. May all beings find peace.”

    But peace is not found in a future filled with smooth sailing into the sunset. The end of suffering comes in not expecting life to be something other than what it is, and in knowing the truth that we are skilled enough to sit in the fire of our own or another person’s strong emotions.

    At Oakwood retreat in October, John Orr wrote the 5 Reflections on the flip chart in the dining room.

    When the phone call came through I was attending my online class with Aaron. I turned off my camera, took the call, feeling space for my friend, for myself, for all who are navigating rough emotional waters right now.

    I hung up and logged back on to catch the end of the class. While I did not catch the entire exchange, I heard enough to know that the question was about what to do when you might have done harm to another. “You can forgive yourself for whatever was said or done that may or may not have created harm. You can resolve not to repeat such words or actions in the future, and then fully forgiving yourself. And now look at others who have done similar to you and fully forgive them. It is finished.”

    I sent that brief clip to my friend, then left a voice message.

    After listening to the clip, I got a call back. We talked a bit more, and as we were hanging up, I shared the C.S. Lewis quote. I felt a small laugh from both of us.

    Peace would come.

    Peace does come.

    We have learned to make peace so conditional, but the peace that passes understanding is anything but conditional.

    In a previous post, “If and When,” I mentioned Rupert Spira’s book, The Art of Peace and Happiness. He has an entire chapter titled “Our Essential Being is Peace Itself.”

    Earlier tonight I had been suggesting another friend do some tapping (EFT) on the Universal Psychological Reversals to clear habit energies that are difficult.

    Universal Psychological Reversals

    I deeply and completely accept myself even with all my problems and
    limitations.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I want to keep this problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will continue to have this
    problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I don’t deserve to get over this
    problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if it isn’t safe for me to get over
    this problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will not do what is necessary to
    get over this problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will
    not be good for me.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will
    not be good for others in my life.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a unique block to getting
    over my problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a fear about how my life
    will change if I get over this problem.

    “We all know that peaceful states of the mind, body and world do not last and do not deliver the depth of peace that we truly desire. Only the peace that is inherent in our true nature can put an end to the longing that initiates and sustains so many of our activities and relationships.” ~ Rupert Spira, The Art of Peace and Happiness

  • The Voice of Assurance

    Some of us are fond of saying “the devil made me do it” when we’ve done something we’re not too proud of.

    We might as well say “the ego made me do it” because the ego is our own personal “devil.”

    In God’s Care by Karen Casey

    I certainly experienced that devilish ego on Friday. I have been privileged to spend time with my nephew as he is stabilizing being a contributing member of society following time incarcerated. Old patterns revealed themselves in unwholesome ways as I pulled tightly his financial reins I had been recently entrusted to.

    Casey says, “Sometimes we like to claim that we weren’t in complete control of our actions, that we were overcome by an irresistible urge. We can’t, however, say that with a clear conscience. At one time in our addictive past, maybe, but not now. Now, we can be responsible. An urge can overcome us only to the extent that we let it – only as we give it the power of believing in it.”

    Ego would have us believe we (or others) are weak, vulnerable, without what we need. Believing these lies can make us afraid. Ego makes us afraid. I was feeling very afraid.

    Even thought I was feeling afraid, I was afraid for him, not afraid of him. Nonetheless, the way I know ego had taken hold and I was in fear not love is that my blood pressure shot sky high.

    Another quotation from, In God’s Care, “We have a choice. We can listen to the voice of our ego or the voice of God. How can we tell the difference? By how we feel. The ego’s urgings always leave us with some misgivings. God’s guidance assures us.”

    To help me begin to listen to the voice of assurance, I put my feet in some warm water, grabbed my earbuds, and tapped through her Surrogate Tapping Meditation with Jessica Ortner.

    (Note: If you are new to tapping or want a reminder, the locations you will be rotating through with each phrase as you tap along with Jessica include: (1) the karate point on the side of your hand, (2) the point where your eyebrow begins, (3) the point where your eyebrow ends, (4) under your eye, (5) under your nose, (6) on your chin crease, (7) along your collar bone, (8) under your arm, (9) and on the top of your head.)

    Please only do this when you are sincere about saying, “I infuse this situation with love… I let go of my need to control… I infuse this situation with hope… I have faith that there is a greater good behind this situation… Nothing needs to be fixed… Everything is working in a greater order… This person has inside what they need… As I see their gifts and power, they begin to see that themselves… This is a blessing in disguise… As I laugh in the presence of darkness, we are brought into the light… As I smile in the presence of darkness, we are all uplifted… Even though I perceive this situation as a bad one I have faith that there is a greater good behind this… I live in my truth… The truth that I have the power to transcend any situation… The truth that others have the power to transcend any situation… Even though I have judged this situation, I deeply and completely love and accept myself… This person has what they need… I have what I need… I have faith that this person I love will do what is right for them… The outcome is greater than I could have ever imagined…”

  • Tapping into Gratitude

    My grandson, Brad, and his wife, Christina, spent five wonderFULL days with us on Pine Island. Brad had been working for Charter Media in Murfreesboro (Tennessee) since earning his Master’s Degree three years ago. Recently, though, he declined a large promotion with Charter that would have meant their move to North Carolina. It was not the move itself that was a deciding factor, it was the corporate lifestyle that demands you live to work rather than work to live.

    They called their visit “Retirement Training.” He decided the reason they call it retirement is that first you are tired because you are working so hard, then you are retired because you are playing so hard.

    They rode bikes, went kayaking with dolphins, watched manatee in the canal, took a pleasure boat ride to lunch at Fort Myers beach, grilled fresh shrimp, participated in music on the island, played shuffleboard, and went to dinner at early-bird schedules. In the early morning, and late in the evening, Brad would work remote as a consultant in data management. It was way beyond great.

    After they left, I participated in a World Tapping Summit talk on gratitude with Carol Look. I loved her words, “Expressing gratitude is like planting seeds; many good things will come from it.” She stressed the importance one not do it because you will get something. Do it because it feels good.

    But what about those times when it is difficult to catch a whiff of gratitude? The darkest of the dark days? Especially then, it is important to start where you are and cast a net of well-being with the WHAT IF frame: “Even though thus and so, what if there could be a solution I don’t yet know about.”

    I also appreciated learning the importance of tapping thank you to the universe or god or whomever/whatever you conceive: “Thank you for brining me a solution to thus and so.”

    Finally, Carol says you will benefit by moving through the points just expressing anything and everything you are grateful for. “Nature, family, friends, sunshine, dolphins, manatees, health, freedom, kindness, flowers, trees, birds, bicycles.”

    Today, I am tapping thank you for Brad and Christina having been able to visit, and for the wisdom they have at 27 years-old to avoid clamping on golden handcuffs.

    (If you are new to it, here is a short instructional video and introduction to EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), commonly called just “tapping” with Jessica Ortner: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAclBdj20ZU)