Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: disappointment

  • Divine Order

    For three years she had been struggling with the issue in of bleeding in her colon. The things that she had gone through — including transfusions to ease the horrific anemia exhaustion, hospitalization and IV antibiotics to fight infection, and weeks of daily sessions in that hyperbaric oxygen chamber (traumatic, with her claustrophobia) but nothing she had done had eradicated the risk of colon cancer.

    Telling his nurse her guts were hostile, the surgeon finally agreed to do surgery. Heroic efforts for preparation followed months of scheduling delays, but the operating room had been booked for the entire day.

    They made the early morning trip and she was as prepared as she thought she could be. Things did not go the way she expected. After administering the epidural, her hand went numb. The surgery was scrapped!

    The risk of a cerebrovascular accident (stroke) had her admitted to ER and waiting hours for an MRI rather than going into pre-op, OR, post-op and having the surgery in her rear view mirror.

    Three years of the stress. The following evening through a flood of tears she named the disappointment, worry, and fear to her good friend and wellness counselor. They had journeyed together for decades, and she finally broke down, saying, “I can’t go through this again. Maybe this is the time the Lord is going to take me. But I don’t want to leave my family.”

    “You won’t leave your family,” her friend assured her, “we all leave our bodies, but we do not leave our loved ones.”

    As they continued sharing her friend asked her at what age she had first been feeling disappointment, worry and fear. The light went on. She was six years old, and her mother was the patient — in that very hospital! She spoke with renewed faith in divine order, saying simply, “I couldn’t know what was happening. I couldn’t know what the future held. All I experienced was fear. Every time I walk in there I go back to her. Thank you so very much. I feel much better and hopeful.”

    Reading from the Daily Word the following morning:

    Trusting God I release attachments and rely on divine order.

      How many times have I realized in hindsight that my life is actually better because the situation didn’t work out the way I expected or I didn’t get what I thought I wanted?

      These memories remind me of the importance of patience as I wait for divine order to unfold. Even if I’m tempted, I don’t get attached to rigid time frames or specific outcomes.

      I get clear on my goals — healthy relationships, career satisfaction, more love in my life. I take these desires into prayer and spiritually surrender them. With a grateful heart, I release my desire for control, trusting the best outcome may be beyond my imagination.

      My mind may be limited, but divine mind is limitless. I relax, release and trust divine order.

      Psalm 119:18
      Open my eyes so that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.

  • Good Intentions

    It depends where you look.

    As I slide the drape back from the window this morning the sky to the west is very dark.

    I have been initiating conversation about the upcoming Presidential Election with John. For decades we have not spoken of such things, but it seems vital to be able to speak openly with others about things we see differently without fear and anger and denial.

    I was coming in off the porch when John was heading down the hall on his way to coffee with the guys at Roger’s. He asked what I was doing and I told him I had gone out and tried to get a photo of the western sky that was so black.

    My phone rang. It was John and I had a sense before I answered why he was calling, “If you look out the front window you will see the rainbow.”

    The sky has always been observed by humans. The earliest recorded meaning given to the rainbow is as a symbol of hope. For Christians and Hebrews, it appeared as proof of a covenant between God and all living creatures in the book of Genesis. The significance of a rainbow was also found in Chinese, Egyptian and Native American history.

    Sharing with a dear friend a bit later, I could see the rainbow as it related to this being a time of truly releasing disappointment around unmet expectations. For my friend, it was a dinner she wanted to prepare as a special gift for us. She considered it awful. It was very easy for me to see that her criticism was part of the pattern of judging the manifestation without looking at the loving intention.

    Our conversation led me to disappointment related to Holistic Alliance which we closed in 2005. She was able to say, “I think you are not looking at it clearly. I remember the joy I felt when I would walk through that door. And all of the people we helped. We were so ahead of our times….”

    We were both able bear witness to the amazing gifts that were given and the incredible love behind them. Richard (of NLP fame) Bandler would say that disappointment requires adequate pre-planning.

    I begin hearing the lyrics to the song Good Intentions, as it was sung by Randy Travis: “And I hear tell the road to hell is paved with good intentions. But mama my intentions were the best.”

    It depends where you look for information on issues like “open boarders” or “secure borders.” Or the “criminalization” or “decriminalization” of abortion. Even things like ethics or the lack-thereof in industry related to insurance or pharmaceuticals or financial management. It is a lot easier to talk about the problem/s than it is to sit with the insecurity of the overwhelming complexity of it all.

    Last evening as we played cards with Fred and his friend, Kay, I tried to express to John my view on a play he was choosing to make. He could not (or would not) see it the way I wanted him to, and he made the play as he wanted to make it. As it turned out, it likely cost us that hand.

    Often life is referred to as a game. The quote “Life is too important to be taken seriously” is attributed to Oscar Wilde. The quote is a paradox, as it seems contradictory at first. Wilde’s suggestion is that the more important something is, the more important it is not to take it seriously.

    Elbert Hubbard also said, “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

    After Tuesday, November 5, 2024⁩, someone’s favored candidate will have lost and someone else’s favorite candidate will have won.

    Will you see disappointment or good intentions? Is it true that we can only see clearly when we see both? That it depends where you look?

    Praying we not miss the rainbows that come with the dark clouds.

    “Mama my intentions were the best”…. Praying we learn to be able to say this with honesty and confidence.

  • “If” In Life

    IF IN LIFE

    There will always be a ‘lie’ in believe,
    An ‘over’ in lover,
    An ‘end’ in friend,
    An ‘us’ in trust,
    And an ‘if’ in life.
    —author’s name not provided

    The Boehner aphorism, “If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas,” was coined by the Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Don Meredith, who later became a sports commentator for the TV show Monday Night Football in 1970. But it is not just football that realizes there is an “if” in life.

    This week, Stacey and Doug let the family know they will not be going on their Caribbean cruise on their boat (“The Lady Gail”) this October. This decision is partially the result of Doug’s Dad’s having had a toe, foot, and leg amputated due to diabetes complication, and partially the result of Doug’s inside-and-outside cardiac ablation scheduled for Tuesday, May 29. We are all feeling disappointment.

    As a result, I am working on a clergy column about the importance of not letting disappointment digress into despair. I will include in that article the Buddhist story about the second arrow in which the Buddha asked a student, “If a person is struck by an arrow, is it painful? If the person is struck by a second arrow, is it even more painful?”

    The teaching goes on, “In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. This second arrow is optional.”

    The Buddha’s second-arrow teaching is most often used as a demonstration that while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

    This week I had a conversation with a college sophomore who has recently experienced some difficulty with the loss of a relationship. His own words were, “I feel like shit.” We understand that but also know his life is not over. Experience shows how rarely a life-long union occurs with the partner in our early relationships. These moments of loss are rich times for learning about ourselves, preparing us for what is yet to come.

    In some ways, Stacey and Doug (and all of us) are going through a loss similar to this young man’s. I was joyfully anticipating almost a month with Stacey in Florida in December while Doug was taking the boat over open water from Florida to the British Virgin Islands. While their current plan is just to postpone their trip one year, we all know there will always be an “if” in life.

    I was able to hear the truth as I told this young man it is not something we get over, but loss is something we get through. His ability to feel disappointment without the second-arrow of discouragement in the current situation will change the rest of his life. This is true for all of our “if’s” in life. Trust is important for us: for Stacey and Doug and their kids, and for John and me.

    Jeremiah 29:11-13 from “The Message”

    “…I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

    12 “When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.

    13-14 “When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.

    “Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree.
    Doug’s putting up the main sail on The Lady Gail in April.