Tag: Dharma

  • Calm the Storm

    This post was inspired by my early morning reading of Barbara Brodsky’s most recent blog about the summer she could not swim because of an infection in a toe bone and the risk of amputation. Reading what she wrote of her experience, along with her appreciation to again be basking in her love of swimming, I had memories to share.

    I told her of a time when I had briefly overcome fear of deep water (in this lifetime generated by a near-drowning while a pre-teen). I was taking an adult non-swim course at the YWCA in preparation of leading high school youth on a wilderness canoe/camping trip. Buoyed by confidence, I quickly enrolled in the next level class. But that class had a different instructor.

    Something about the combination of that teacher’s style and the tasks required for this next level set me back…. by the end of the session my competency had digressed. Fear had set in again. I have not yet regained the joyful jaunting Barbara thoroughly enjoys.

    I told Barbara how much I appreciate the way she and John Orr teach the dharma by telling their own experiences. The term “dharma” has no single-word English translation, its exact meaning depends heavily on the context in which it is used. Derived from the Sanskrit root dhr — meaning to hold or to support — dharma is the truth of what is. Dharma represents the truth of an underlying order that sustains the universe.

    Last Sunday’s sharing as guest pastor at St. John United Church of Christ in New Buffalo was about “Mindful Morality” — differentiated from morality as a concrete idea. We were not looking at something always being right and another something always being wrong. We touched on an understanding of how the insular cortex processes physical disgust (like tasting rotten food), and also lights up during moments of moral disgust (like witnessing unfairness or cheating).

    I told Barbara when John and I were here in our 42-year-old mobile home while tornado warnings were going off last evening, I calmed myself by sweeping the floors. I could not control what was going to happen. I could only do what I could do in the moment. I remembered the story of Jesus calming the storm. I remembered when my colleague/mentor Dr. Mary Jo Bulbrook had a group of indigenous healers from all over the globe at her place in North Caroline with a hurricane coming. They created a healing circle and each did what he or she drew from his or her lineage to “calm the storm” both literally and figuratively. That hurricane dissipated all around them! The group gave great gratitude that they did not even lose electric power.

    Before the storms came through last evening, I had filled a bucket of water to be able to flush toilets if we lost power. John can use that to water flowers in a day or so.

    “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” ~ Edward Everett Hale, American author and clergyman

  • Nothing to Attain

    We are so brief.
    A one-day dandelion.
    A seedpod skittering across the ice.
    We are a feather falling from the wing of a bird.
    I don’t know why it is given to us to be so mortal
    and to feel so much. It is a cruel trick, and glorious.

    ~ Louise Eldrich

    We looked at sacred darkness and emptiness a LOT over the five-day intensive that finished about dinner time yesterday. During those five-days humans were living this. Joan was with Bob at the hospital. Pneumonia. His dementia complicates things further. He would be going to a care facility rather than coming home. For how long? Virginia had Paul to ER. Bleeding. Awaiting emergency surgery for a massively enlarged prostate. Barbara Brodsky‘s carefully selected caregiver for her husband, Hal, had to call off when his young daughter tested positive for Covid. The second had to call off when his wife was hospitalized and he was in charge of their 18-month old. John is in a sciatica flare, and we have to cancel the 24-hour ambulatory blood pressure study he was scheduled to start this morning because he cannot ambulate right now.

    The opening line from Aaron this morning: “People seek safety, and they believe that safety is in stability and no change.”

    During this intensive we were encouraged to let ourselves go into the darkness and learn to be the light. Profound sadness washed over me as I had total cellular memory of surgery in 1992 to correct my having been born tongue-tied. A lingual frenectomy removes a band of tissue that connects the underside of the tongue with the bottom of the mouth. At birth, this is a relatively simple procedure. I was forty-two years old….

    I felt the depth of the trauma from the point of view of the tongue. It was traumatized by the surgery. Then it was lost. It was not able to get back to the familiar. It did not feel like it belonged and it did not know what to do. Thirty years later, I am noticing the stress in my jaw and the pull to the side of my neck, aware now that this has been a chronic situation.

    I cried, reporting all of this to my dharma family in Group 2. I heard the words and I recognized the correlation to the human incarnation. Even the simple shift from living in the fluid world of the womb to the instability of the room is traumatic. Sounds are startling, light is harsh, energies feel like an assault.

    Aaron quoted from Dante’s Inferno: In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself, in a dark wood, where the direct way was lost. It is a hard thing to speak of, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood was, so that thinking of it recreates the fear.

    Humans see and feel so much, often it appears too much to process, and, yes, it can feel like a cruel trick.

    One beloved introduced us to Jeff Foster’s “Guru of Darkness” on his Facebook post. Jeff’s writing was woven into our intensive with the skill of a world-class weaver.

    …we are not here to destroy, eradicate, fix, transcend, or even ‘heal’ our darkness — the grief, the terror, the anger, the shame, those deep feelings of guilt from childhood. For these are just places in ourselves that we haven’t been willing or able to illumine yet. They are not inherently evil, sinful or dangerous. (www.lifewithoutacentre.com)

    Another beloved suggested speaking to the contraction of the self where there is suffering, “I feel you. I love you. I care, and this is important.” I have begun speaking this to my tongue and jaw and neck. I can be patient since we have thirty years of my ignorance to soften the impact from.

    “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” ~ Edward Everett Hale, American Author

    “To see myself as on a journey through the universe is delusional. To come to know myself as the universe journeying is awakening.” ~ Falling into Grace by Adyashanti

    Letting my heart open to the pain and loss that had been pushed away or ignored or deflected led me right to the heart of SCS, which has not been active since 2012 following the surgery I had to remove the ovarian mass. The Osho Zen Tarot card (8 of Water Letting Go) so direct: A recognition that something is finished, something is completing, whatever it is — a job, a relationship, a home you have loved, anything that might have helped define who you are — it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on.

    SCS was all of that: a job, a relationship, a home I have loved (and the cats I have loved), and my identity.

    The Osho card continues, You are past the point of no return now, and gravity is doing its work. Go with it — it represents liberation.

    We were guided in the meditation by Aaron: “There is nothing you can hold onto forever except the essence of your being, and you do not hold onto that, you simply are that. This is your truth; this is what you are. I move ahead of my own free will, with the intention of releasing suffering in this universe, of helping beings wake up — including myself…. This is my intention to support release of suffering, an increase of happiness for all sentient beings.”

    OMG – All semester I have thought of Aaron’s teaching the SCS material Joel and Debra developed from Steven Karpman’s Drama Triangle. I write in my journal: It’s not Aaron teaching Debra’s material, Debra has been teaching the dharma as Aaron does!

    I look down at my Fitbit and it shows 9,999 steps. I don’t want to move but I have to move to reach my goal…. I dig out a CD and listen to Everlasting Peace, my own voice telling me “Circumstances have changed and it is time now to look to new directions to learn how to fly once more….”

    The last morning of the five-day intensive, Barbara shares that the mother of the caregiver who had been pulling the weight of the week as Barbara was teaching the intensive fell overnight and broke her hip….

    As Barbara says, “There is always going to be something. If it needs to slide away; let it slide away.” Barbara begins to share her process of coming back to the light right there in the darkness. Although deaf and off tune, we listen to her chant:

      Hari Om, Dear One,
      Sat Nam, holy name
      When I call on the Light in my Heart,
      I come home

    Mary Magdelene incorporates and notices Barbara’s voice is hoarse from so much teaching time this week. Mary takes a sip of water, then tells us there is never any hurry. She quotes a poem by Karen Weber: I am the place where god shines through, where god and I are one not two. Mary tells us that our beloved teacher, Aaron, was so helpful because he was not yet fully awake but he knew how to not get caught up in negativity. To see the negative story as it is, and to know that right there with fear there is love. Hari Om. When I call on the love in my heart, I come home. Mary tells us to just keep coming home. To remember why you have come. To hold the darkness as a sacred energy. There is nothing more powerful than love.

    My closing sharing was to see that what is in the way is the way. I mentioned Jana Stanfield’s song If I Were Brave and how we know we are all brave became we came! Someone quoted Nelson Mandela’s quoting Marianne Williamson:

      “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
      ― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

    I do a drawing from the question, “What is released as we fully manifest the true self?”


    I can’t find the beginning and wonder if that mean none exists.

    I write Mary’s last question to us: “At the end of attaining, what remains?”

    An answer comes, “The tapestry of attending to without giving it substance.”

    I title the drawing from the Heart Sutra: for there is nothing to attain.

  • August 12, 1962

    The dharma talk was direct. You don’t have to be a Buddhist to practice the precepts. The precepts are practical. I vow to harm none. I vow not to take what is not freely given. I vow not to misuse sexuality. I vow to refrain from false speech. I vow to refrain from intoxicants that can lead to heedlessness. The dharma teacher summarized it as I do not harm myself in thought, speech, or actions and I do not harm others.

    He continued to clarify how it is not just guarding against not hurting self or others, it is also about helping. It is not just about not taking what is not freely given, it is about generosity. It is not just about avoiding suffering, it is also about experiencing joy.

    I wrote in my journal: Today is a flip-the-calendar day, and today Stacey (our daughter from Tennessee) arrives.

    I drew an Osho Zen Tarot card, asking specifically about the risk related to the Delta variant. Stacey is not vaccinated. I drew 9 of Rainbows: Ripeness, and the message seeps into my soul, “Only if your meditation has brought you a light that shines in every night will even death not be a death to you but a door to the divine…. you become one with the ocean…. and unless you know the oceanic experience, you have lived in vain. Now is always the time and the fruit is always ripe…. There is no such thing as wrong time.”

    Reading from “A Midnight Clear” by Katherine Patterson in The Big Book for Peace found in the Little Free Library a few days ago, I meet a young boy who was experiencing fear after the nuclear bomb was dropped on Japan, until he meets a homeless woman who is likely sick and dying and learns from her how he, too, can “be not afraid.”

    Recently I sent those words from the corpse prayer as written by Jarem Sawatsky in Dancing with the Elephants: Mindfulness Training For Those Living With Dementia, Chronic Illness or an Aging Brain (How to Die Smiling Series, #1) to a friend.

    Be not afraid…. I embrace sacred life…. I embrace sacred death….

    A flood of tears come. All the feelings from so many years. All of the emotions from this path of pandemic. Iask the guides and helpers to help transform loneliness (absence of the other) into aloneness (presence of the self).

    Am I concerned about my un-vaccinated daughter coming for a visit? Yes. Am I afraid for her? Yes. Am I afraid for me? Yes.

    Be not afraid…. I embrace sacred life…. I embrace sacred death….

    P.S. I said to John last night that it would be so wonderful if she told us she had gotten vaccinated, but I welcome peace NOW that is not conditioned on someone or something else. There is no such thing as a wrong time.

    Will she get Covid? Will I? The future will reveal itself. If this is my time to die, can I embrace the sacred death? If this is my time to live, can I embrace the sacred life?

    I put the pen in my left hand and let spirit write:

      You know there is no dead. The leaving of the body is just a step on the path.

      You know the ocean-ness. You have always known that.

      It is eleven days until August 12.

    (August 12, 1962 — at age 12 — I had a near-death experience.)


    From the online information about The Big Book for Peace, by by Ann Duren and Marilyn Sachs: Peace — the issue of our times — affects everyone, but especially children, who deserve and wish for a peaceful future. Now over 30 of the best-loved authors and illustrators for children have combined their talents in a big, wonderful book for and about peace.

  • Hair


    Keep a watchful eye for spiritual materialism.
    Don’t look for a goal,
    but practice meditation nevertheless.

    Don’t try to push your ideas,
    don’t dictate,
    and don’t edit the dharma,
    the truth and the teachings.

    The dharma is yours,
    so you could relate to the dharma very simply.

    Let dharma come to you.

    If there is a conflict between you and dharma,
    if I may say so,
    it is your conflict.

    Dharma has no conflict.

    ~ Excerpted from: Milarepa: Lessons from the Life and Songs of Tibet’s Great Yogi,
    by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, pages 115–116

    My hair is getting so long!

    My hair brought to mind for John and me “Rapunzel,” the fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm. I had to look it up to remind myself of the details, so you might enjoy at least a refresher of the end.

    For two years the poor blind prince wandered the world, looking for Rapunzel. From morning to night he called for her, but it was no use. At last, he reached a desert. One day, he heard a beautiful voice singing. “Oh!” he thought. “I know that voice!” It was his dear Rapunzel! He went closer and closer to the voice he knew so well.

    “My prince!” called Rapunzel when she saw him. The two of them hugged tight. Two tears of joy fell into the eyes of the prince. All at once, he could see again!

    The opening quotation from Milarepa sits at a very hollow home in my heart, especially the phrase: “Don’t try to push your ideas, don’t dictate…”

    And that last line: “Dharma has no conflict.”

    I feel the subtle grasping to have our country and my world be free of conflict.

    That longing for freedom from conflict is amplified as we winter here in Florida where political signs continue to swing in the tropical breezes and the doors to restaurants and bars are wide open even as Covid cases continue to rise.

    Of course, these conditions are impermanent.

    This, too, shall pass.

    For those who are not inclined to click on the link to read the entire story of Rapunzel’s long hair, here is the end:

    And what happened next, well, I’m sure you can guess! The prince and Rapunzel went back to the kingdom where the prince lived. They were married as soon as they could. The prince became king of the land and Rapunzel became queen. The two of them lived happily ever after.

    Today, I will let the dharma come to me.

    Hair grows.

  • Skies Upon Skies

    “Skies upon skies are available for your flight.”
    – Osho Zen Tarot

    I feel a little bit like the morning after Christmas, or the ninth day of Hanukkah. For the closing sharing of this eight-day Intensive/Retreat—the culmination of a two-year commitment to study and practice—I had written: When I logged on this morning, Dallas was the only other one online. I asked him about his virtual image in his background – a waterfall. I showed him a photo of me, also at a waterfall in Maui. We had a lovely visit and I am so glad we shared…

    That photo of me at the waterfall is framed and sits on my altar helping me value the dharma path that began long before I knew the word dharma.

    I was born in fear and I was living in fear. Not MY fear, but THE fear. My mother was informed that she had syphilis simultaneously with the discovery that she was pregnant. My first trimester in her womb was spent with my mom at a sanatorium being treated. She was angry, embarrassed, afraid….

    My alcoholic father had had sex with someone else, and that is how my mother got infected. I knew nothing of this until in my 40s when I began to have awareness of feeling unloved, unsafe, and unwanted. I was a successful professional, happily married, and I had had a good relationship with my mom. Nothing could account for those feelings, but I knew they were there.

    I knew I would benefit by uncovering the pain.

    In a hypnotic regression to the womb, hearing Les Crane sing Desiderata to me through headphones I had total realization of those feelings. Later I asked my mother if she could help me understand. She told me of the syphilis.

    Many of you were there when I shared this as part of “Listen to Your Mother” and it is still available on YouTube.

    The fear I lived with, the feelings of not loved, not safe, not wanted arose out of the human condition. I am so grateful to know the truth. Those feeling, any feelings, are not me nor mine.

    Instead of sharing all of those words as my closing, I simply shared a series of photos of the sky taken from the window in the guest/room office where I was “on retreat” for those eight days, and where I am now with my fingers on the keyboard, looking at the ever-changing sky:


    Aaron’s closing talk was brief and to the point:
    You have everything within you
    to co-create a future
    for the highest good of all beings.
    A future where beings are awake,
    free of suffering.


    Two years ago,
    we did not know that
    there was going to be
    a COVID-19 in our future.


    But of course,
    there would be something
    in our future.

    Some challenge.
    And you are meeting it with
    wisdom and open hearts.


    Please do not forget to imagine…
    to hold your heart open
    and picture an earth free of disease,
    free of hatred


    —an earth in which
    all sentient beings
    can truly flourish.
    May it be.
    May it be so.

  • Hari Om, Holy Spirit

    Whoa…. fear can spread like wildfire. We can put that fire out.

    A friend/colleague is part of several groups I attend here in Florida. She has cancelled the meditation group she hosts in her home and has reached out to another of our mutual groups suggesting the meetings be cancelled because “at least one, and possibly two, deaths in the county from corona virus.”

    Her closing line in the email message is quite telling: I’m sorry to miss the group if you do go ahead and meet on Monday.

    Admittedly, her husband is an epidemiologist, and we do not yet know the extent of risk.

    But we do already know the results of fear.

    Last evening I received (and passed along) a very mindful message from the Dzogchen Center and Foundation:

    Dear Dharma family,

    Lama Surya has asked that we lend our energetic support tomorrow morning. He will be leading a prayer ceremony in Northampton, Massachusetts, and has asked that, if possible, we take the hour from 9 AM to 10 AM EDT (Sunday, March 8th) to chant or pray with the clear and specific intention of pushing back on this destructive coronavirus, COVID-19, and purifying and supporting all those who have been / will be infected or otherwise impacted.-19,

    He has specifically asked that we practice where we are, rather than trying to participate in person.

    We look forward to holding the energetic space with you tomorrow as we lift our body, speech and heart-minds in unison, in support of our beloved Lama, on behalf of all beings.

    Don’t forget to put your clocks forward tonight before you go to bed if you are in a place that uses daylight savings time. Oh, and don’t forget to wash those hands!

    Warmly,

    The Dzogchen Center and Foundation

    I got up in plenty of time to chant for the hour with this group. I have recorded voice memos of many of the chants we do on retreat. Hari Om is one of the chants I did this morning. In Sanskrit, “Hari” is a mantra to remove troubles and pain. In Hindu, Hari references the god Vishnu, remover of bondages.

    Omniscience (/ɒmˈnɪʃəns/) is the capacity to know everything. In monotheistic religions, such as Sikhism and the Abrahamic religions, God is omniscient. “God” has the capacity to know everything. In Jainism, omniscience is an attribute that any individual can eventually attain.

    Since the 6th century BC, and continuing today, Jainism has three guiding principles: right belief, right knowledge, and right conduct.

    Here is another of the chants I sang this morning: Seems like such a long time, Holy Spirit, waiting, since I’ve drawn your breath in, silent and all pervading.

    It is important that we DO something with the energy of fear that can get stirred up. We can sing, pray, chant. We can dance. I clean. My sister sleeps.

    It is vital to remember we are able draw in the breath of the holy spirit and extinguish the raging wildfire of fear.

    Life depends on us….

    If you have requested email updates for posts, click on the image below to listen to the audio of the Hari Om chant:


  • Dancing in the Darkness

    Aaron Daily Quote
    Everybody wants to be safe and comfortable.
    For most of you, your habitual pattern around being safe and comfortable
    is to move into a control mode.
    And so you try to think it out and plan it out
    and get it perfect
    and then rehash the plans
    and see if they can be better.
    You don’t know how to let go.
    You can’t let go because you cannot yet recognize,
    ‘This controlling voice is simply fear.’
    But it is recognizable if you pay attention.
    As soon as there’s a contraction
    and the mind starts spinning out the plans,
    please just note, ‘Ah, fear is here.’

    During this second year of our Path of Clear Light study group, we are working with sacred darkness. Think terms, ‘dark night of the soul’ or ‘shadow’ work.

    Aaron opened with a couple of extended guided meditations. The first was a narrow bridge over a raging water fall below. We were in a harness but when we got to the middle of the bridge our direction was to allow ourselves to fall! The belief is/was that the harness would catch us, keeping us safe, ultimately preventing us from falling to our death. Fear was so present for this one who does not swim.

    The second scenario is/was sleeping in a cave in the pitch black. We were to spend some time each day in these metaphors, allowing ourselves to feel the fear.

    At the conclusion of the talk, when Aaron opened for questions, I shared that I love sleeping in darkness. I put a pair of socks over the little blue light on the cable box when I go to bed at night. I asked if that metaphor work for me if I was not afraid of the dark.

    One of the other students sent me a private message on the Zoom format, “There is mold in the cave.”

    How brilliant! We are always closer to those habit patterns of fear than we notice.

    In my journal I wrote that I was aware of fear around the mold remediation insurance claim having been paid at more than the actual remediation cost. I had reached out to the adjuster about that, but it was not resolved. What is/was that fear? I know I don’t have to be fearful about not being able to pay it back if I had to.

    I was able to see that it had to do with feeling out of integrity with the vow to not take what is not freely given.

    Fear:
    I am bad
    I will be punished
    I will lose face

    I have a flash of a past life in which I was shunned. We were a dark-skinned people.

    I see the fear that I could be fined, or that our coverage could be cancelled.

    I see how vulnerable that habit energy makes me feel. I recall the 8 worldly dharmas (also called concerns or preoccupations): pleasure and pain; gain and loss; praise and blame; fame and ill repute. Oh, my….

    Journal entry:
    V: You are aware of your habit pattern of wanting to be right. How might that have fueled your fear?
    D: Well, certainly right or wrong (duality) pulls a heavy weight. Notice what the odds are that you will be wrong if there is only one right answer/choice/conclusion. EVERYTHING ELSE IS WRONG.
    V: Doesn’t seem likely in something as unfathomably enormous as life, does it….
    D: So if it is not a matter of right or wrong, how do I best think about it?
    V: You know about wholesome and unwholesome. You know about skillful and unskillful. What do you think those mean?
    D: These seem to be part of clarity, wisdom, and kindness; taking into account all needs/desires/outcomes.
    V: Exactly. You are certainly seeing now how much highest purpose plays a role. If your highest purpose is to love/peace/clarity, many options open up. It isn’t about not having mundane purposes as well. In those times of inner conflict or just not being totally sure, you can rest easily within your highest purpose.
    D: We are all connected. Love is the glue!

    What a beautiful reminder that we are all dancing in the darkness.

    P.S. Updating you on the previous post’s plumbing predicament, more mold was found! A second leak occurred (a chain-reaction to the first break) and in the need to get the belly of the mobile home dried out, PuroClean found a 4×4 board covered with black mold. That was able to be removed. We are so grateful for the miraculous mayhem. The results truly are in the hands of the divine!

  • Say Only

    In September of 2018, I made a two-year commitment to a study called “The Dharma Path,” with Barbara Brodsky and Aaron. I have once again been amazed at how your intention creates your experience. In Buddhism, dharma means “cosmic law and order,” and is also applied to the teachings of the Buddha. In Buddhist philosophy, dhamma/dharma is also the term for “phenomena.”

    About ten days ago, one of the board members of Deep Spring (the organization Barbara Brodsky founded) asked for my help with marketing and communication. While we were talking, a woman kept coming to mind. I made contact with this woman asking if she might be willing to help. Her reply was, “God no! I hate that stuff. I don’t even do my own. I pay tens of thousands so I don’t have to.” I thanked her for knowing what was true for her, and asked if she might know of anyone who would work with us pro bono.

    Several days later, just as I was mentioning some of this to my husband, I received a text from this woman, saying she had made contact with a marketing person who was willing!

    Wow. Can you feel the timing?

    A few days later, I had a consult with the marketing person. We had a good connection, one made even more precious for me because the woman’s voice took me to my heart. Her voice sounded exactly like the voice of a woman I was blessed to work with years ago. The story of that woman is in my book of stories: Falling Together in Love.

    I asked if she knew Barbara’s story; did she know Barbara is deaf. No, she did not. I shared how Barbara had lost her hearing (and her equilibrium!) at the birth of her first child. The loving non-physical being, Aaron, who teaches through Barbara, came forth in spirit to help her find peace from the suffering. I mentioned how people sign the first letter of each word to help Barbara read lips.

    Chills ran up and down my spine when the woman told me she had attended an ASL elementary school. American sign language! The marketing woman knows and can sign the entire alphabet…

    What are the odds? Right.

    We agreed to another call and were excited to proceed with discovering how she could help the Deep Springs board meet growth goals.

    I spoke with my friend who had made the connection, told her about the sign language connection and that the reason she was able to say yes to working pro bono was because she is creating an agency, and has an intern starting after the first of the year. It would be a great opportunity for her to develop skill working with a board, and possible because of the intern.

    My friend who connected me to the marketing person is looking for a new marketing agency….

    This morning I opened an email message from the marketing person. She found out that the intern can only work with local businesses, so she is unable to help us.

    Can you feel the waves of up and down? This is how life rolls. The entire point of the two-year study is stabilizing the heavy emotions so we are not tossed around by our grasping at things we want and our pushing against the unwanted.

    We do not know what is best, but we can trust.

    While the rest of the story unfolds, you can choose to stay present with your breath, remembering that it is the nature of life for conditions to change. Recently I have used the metaphor of a kaleidoscope—you cannot move just one single piece of glass. Everything is connected to everything, and god is good.

    Years ago I read a story about an old man with a white horse. It has come to be “Say Only” in my mind, and many of you have heard it over the years. Several online versions exist, but since I read it first in Max Lucado’s book, In the Eye of the Storm, below is that version.

    Max Lucado (In the Eye of the Storm)
    The Old Man and the White Horse

    Once there was an old man who lived in a tiny village. Although poor, he was envied by all, for he owned a beautiful white horse. Even the king coveted his treasure. A horse like this had never been seen before – such was its splendor, its majesty, its strength.

    People offered fabulous prices for the steed, but the old man always refused. “This horse is not a horse to me,” he would tell them. “It is a person. How could you sell a person? He is a friend, not a possession. How could you sell a friend.” The man was poor and the temptation was great. But he never sold the horse.

    One morning he found that the horse was not in his stable. All the village came to see him. “You old fool,” they scoffed, “we told you that someone would steal your horse. We warned you that you would be robbed. You are so poor. How could you ever protect such a valuable animal? It would have been better to have sold him. You could have gotten whatever price you wanted. No amount would have been to high. Now the horse is gone and you’ve been cursed with misfortune.”

    The old man responded, “Don’t speak too quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know; the rest is judgment. If I’ve been cursed or not, how can you know? How can you judge?”

    The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may not be philosophers, but great philosophy is not needed. The simple fact that your horse is gone is a curse.”

    The old man spoke again. “All I know is that the stable is empty, and the horse is gone. The rest I don’t know. Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say. All we can see is a fragment. Who can say what will come next?”

    The people of the village laughed. They thought that the man was crazy. They had always thought he was a fool; if he wasn’t, he would have sold the horse and lived off the money. But instead, he was a poor woodcutter, and old man still cutting firewood and dragging it out of the forest and selling it. He lived hand to mouth in the misery of poverty. Now he had proven that he was, indeed, a fool.

    After fifteen days, the horse returned. He hadn’t been stolen; he had run away into the forest. Not only had he returned, he had brought a dozen wild horses with him. Once again, the village people gathered around the woodcutter and spoke. “Old man, you were right and we were wrong. What we thought was a curse was a blessing. Please forgive us.”

    The man responded, “Once again, you go too far. Say only that the horse is back. State only that a dozen horses returned with him, but don’t judge. How do you know if this is a blessing or not? You see only a fragment. Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge? You read only one page of a book. Can you judge the whole book? You read only one word of one phrase. Can you understand the entire phrase?”

    “Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word. All you have is one fragment! Don’t say that this is a blessing. No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t.”

    “Maybe the old man is right,” they said to one another. So they said little. But down deep, they knew he was wrong. They knew it was a blessing. Twelve wild horses had returned. With a little work, the animals could be broken and trained and sold for much money.

    The old man had a son, an only son. The young man began to break the wild horses. After a few days, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs. Once again the villagers gathered around the old man and cast their judgments.

    “You were right,” they said. “You proved you were right. The dozen horses were not a blessing. They were a curse. Your only son has broken both his legs, and now in your old age you have no one to help you. Now you are poorer than ever.”

    The old man spoke again. “You people are obsessed with judging. Don’t go so far. Say only that my son broke his legs. Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse? No one knows. We only have a fragment. Life comes in fragments.”

    It so happened that a few weeks later the country engaged in war against a neighboring country. All the young men of the village were required to join the army. Only the son of the old man was excluded, because he was injured. Once again the people gathered around the old man, crying and screaming because their sons had been taken. There was little chance that they would return. The enemy was strong, and the war would be a losing struggle. They would never see their sons again.

    “You were right, old man,” They wept. “God knows you were right. This proves it. Your son’s accident was a blessing. His legs may be broken, but at least he is with you. Our sons are gone forever.”

    The old man spoke again. “It is impossible to talk with you. You always draw conclusions. No one knows. Say only this. Your sons had to go to war, and mine did not. No one knows if it is a blessing or a curse. No one is wise enough to know. Only God knows.”

  • Love Will Find a Way

    The future won’t always be fair.

    But we can try.

    We can care.

    We can choose to connect.

    It can be better if we let it.

    ~ Seth Godin

    Many of my days are spent bearing witness to the clarity secure within our souls as our personalities fling destructive BS into our lives. One recent conversation went something like this:

    “You never invite me to Christmas.”

    “I don’t even have Christmas.”

    “I am never included.”

    “You are the one who moved away.”

    Pain, upon pain.

    I claim again the gift of knowing that under any message filled with blame and accusation is a legitimate need even if it is being expressed unskillfully.

    What a relief….

    I love poetry. Something about the way a person shows you a feeling without saying what that feeling is excites the part of you that thrives on curiosity. Too much of the time our logical mind tries to run the show. We plan. We manipulate. We hide.

    In a poem the words are expressions of the heart, being heard by the heart.

    I had not intended the following poem to give away so much of my own heart, but it does.

    The prompt is from The Crafty Poet: A Portable Workshop, by Diane Lockward. Instructions were to choose an odd job. One example was snake milker’s daughter. We were to jot down some relevant language, choosing words that are specific to this job and sound great.

    Medium Mayhem

    Secrets slip into my awareness unheeded

      from somewhere or someone

    Listening hands hear, “Bell’s Palsy.”

    Babies believed long dead

      babble difficult directives

    “Tell her I am not dead.”

    Fifty years she has carried abortion’s guilt

      Searing pain shoots down my leg

    Relevant to ask, “Is this mine?”

    The task is always to realize

      we are energy

    swimming in one sea

    Hearing, seeing, feeling, knowing

      not always easy to distinguish

    fact from fiction

    Fantasy or wishful thinking

      the taunting

    fortunately only on occasion

    Echoes of accusations

      hang over (or come from

    my head

    Ghostly guesses

      and grisly gallows

    shake confidence at core

    What do you do?

      generates no easy answer

    “I talk to dead people.”

    Likely not heard

      at the dinner table

    of the mentally stable

    Truth be told

      I don’t just

    talk to dead people

    They also talk

      to me

    No blasphemy!

    Mystery

      mocking mayhem

    Famous or infamous

    Sinner or saint

      life as a spiritual sensitive

    is understandably quaint

    Debra Basham 4-8-2018 (WC 153)

    Perhaps the Deep Spring Center “Thought for Today” (April 12, 2018) is the perfect closing for this blog post.

    “Do not despair that you have no vision. The vision is right here in your own radiant hearts, your kindness and your commitment to your practice. There is not one of you that does not vision a more harmonious world. Hold that in front of you and know that it is possible and then just ask yourself, ‘What will support this?’ Do not be afraid. Hold your vision ahead of you. There is a saying, ‘The dharma takes care of those who take care of the dharma.’ Love will find a way.”

    (See Message, Subtext, Metamessage in Healing with Language by Joel P. Bowman and Debra Basham.)